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A Taste for Fish

By CalexTheNeko

Don entered the cafeteria with a look of absolute dread upon his face. He was dressed in his usual black jacket and jeans as he strode into the school's cafeteria. He wrinkled his nose at the stench that permeated the entire room. He knew what was happening... But he refused to believe it until he saw it with his own eyes. As reached the lunch line and peered over the heads of other students to see what was going on. There it was; an evil that should not have been allowed in this world. And yet... There it was.

Tuna.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Don gave a loud shout as he saw what was to be his lunch today. Of all the days to forget his lunch, why did it have to be today? Why did it have to be on Tuna Tuesday? And why did Tuna Tuesday exist? Other schools had Taco Tuesday... But he had to go to the one school in all of existence that had Tuna Tuesday instead! It was a travesty! It was a disaster! It was-

"Hey you're next in line move it or lose it!" A student behind Don shouted.

It was just unfair.

Don slumped into himself as he moved forward in line. The lunch lady shoved a tray in front of him and dropped a plate of the smelly fish atop it. Then she asked for payment. It was bad enough they were going to torture him with this vile substance... But they demanded his hard earned cash his parents had given him for it in addition!

With a growl Don passed over the required five dollars. He then grabbed his tray before moving to an empty table. One sat down he grabbed a fork and began to poke at the fish. He wasn't looking forward to trying to eat it. The thing was... It wasn't a tuna thing. It was a fish thing. All fish were evil. He was sure that mankind only ever started eating fish because somehow years ago someone had some personal vendetta against him! Millennia ago someone must have been... Man that Don kid is a real piece of work! Well we'll teach our entire society to eat stinky smelly fish just so that he'll have to have it in his school lunch! That will teach him.

Curse you hypothetical ancient person! Curse you to a tasteless wasteland!

Don continued to pick at the fish with his fork. He began to wonder if maybe he was under-appreciating the benefits of starving to death. Sure, it sounded bad. But... There wasn't any fish involved! Just horrible pain followed by death. All in all it was moderately more appealing than eating this.

But... He'd probably get detention if he died in the cafeteria. School was unfair like that.

"Ugggggh." Don groaned. He cut off a piece of the fish with his fork. He raised it to his mouth. He tried to force his mouth to open against his will. Then the scent reached him. "I can't do it!" He dropped the fork as it landed on his plate. "It's just too disgusting!"

"Dude..." Another student's voice called from across the table. "Are you okay?"

"Eh?" Don looked up. It was another boy about his age. He paused for a moment as he realized their face looked familiar. Ah! He knew this student! Well not knew him knew him! But he had a class with him! What was his name? It was... Chester! That was it. "I'm fine Chester." He muttered. "I just don't understand how it's acceptable for the school to torture us with this... With this garbage!" He gestured at the fish on his tray.

"The tuna?" Chester gave him a quizzical look. "I'll admit it's not exactly great... But don't you think you're overreacting a bit? I mean... At least we know what it is! Better than the mystery meat they get on Taco Tuesdays at some schools."

"You take that bad!" Don huffed. Those were fighting words!

"Ok this is clearly something you are oddly passionate about." Chester rolled his eyes. "Maybe a bit too passionate. If you hate it that much just do without."

"I can't starve to death!" Don replied. "I'm pretty sure there are rules against that."

"I don't think you can starve to death by missing one meal..." Chester replied. "And I'm fairly confident that the school did not have the foresight to specifically have a rule against that."

"There's no way to be sure of either of those things!" Don replied. He had no choice. He was going to have to eat the tuna? But how? It seemed like such a monumental task. Maybe if he cut it up into really small bits he could try to swallow the bits whole before they ever touched his tongue! Then he wouldn't to taste them!

But what if those bits got caught in his mouth! What if he was stuck tasting that horrible tuna essence all day? What if he had to taste it for the rest of his life? He would be known as Tuna Breath Don by all his classmates forever! That was simply not an option. There must be another way.

Maybe he could try swallowing it all in one bite? He would still taste it, but it would at least be brief and then over. Don slowly lifted up the entire tuna meal with his fork.

"Don't." Chester interrupted. "You'll choke."

"I wasn't going to!" Don said.

"Sure." Chester shrugged and went back to his own meal.

"Really! I was just looking at it!" Don insisted. "I'm not actually stupid enough to choke myself to death." Don sat the tuna down on his plate. What other options were left? He couldn't swallow it hole... He couldn't cut it into tiny bits. Why was this trial thrust onto him?

"Just eat it already!" Chester growled. He was getting irritable watching Don's display. "You're making this way harder than it has to be."

"I can't!" Don responded. "And it's the school's fault for serving the tuna in the first place."

"You are an exceptionally exhausting person... You know that?" Chester shrugged. "Can't you just pretend to be a normal person for five minutes and just eat it?"

"Pretend?" Don asked. "Ahhh there's an idea. A little role play of sorts. Yes I can do that." He stared at the fish. "But what is my role? What is my motivation?"

"To eat the fish and stop talking?" Chester suggested.

"I get that but I mean! What kind of normal human would eat tuna?"

"A lot of people actually..." Chester muttered.

"No it's a scientific fact there isn't a man alive who actually likes fish."

"I like fish!" Chester protested.

"It's kind of you to pretend..." Don shook his head. "But that's a fact. I can't pretend to be what doesn't exist... So what does eat fish? Some kind of animal maybe?"

"This is where we're going with this?" Chester groaned. "Fine. How about penguins?"

"Oh that's just what they want you to think!" Don said. "But has anyone actually ever seen a penguin eat a fish? I don't think so. No one is going to actually go down to Antarctica to check."

"You're just messing with me aren't you?" Chester rolled his eyes. "Okay fine... How about a bear?"

"Incredibly unlikely." Don replied. "Bears are known for only relying on the bare necessities. They wouldn't waste the money going out for seafood."

"I hate you so much for making that joke right now." Chester growled. "I feel like this entire thing has just been a bit now."

"Ok no." Don grinned. "I'm taking this very seriously." His tone suggested otherwise.

"Fine. Whatever. A cat then." Chester was losing his patience.

"I can't pretend to be a cat!" Don protested. "Because cats they um! Don't eat fish because um!" He paused trying to come up with something. After a few moments he realized he had nothing. "Dang it."

"Eat up kitty." Chester chided

"Ugggh." Don had just been having some fun at Chester's expense. He hadn't thought this through. Now he was being put on the spot. He picked up a piece of the fish. Cats liked fish. Just think like a cat. Just till he finished his meal.

Think like a cat.

Don tried to think about what a cat would feel like. They were small and fuzzy. He tried to think about the feeling of whiskers poking out from the side of his face. He could almost feel it... And cats... They had those big triangle shaped ears! Yes... He could picture it! He could just see his ears now covered in black fur at the top of his head.

"Um... Um..." Chester seemed worried about something. "Don you're um."

"I'm trying to focus!" Don hissed. The hiss almost sounded like how a real cat would hiss. He closed his eyes and continued to focus as he tried to get into character. Cats had long tails too! He could feel his pants slipping down slightly as a tail wiggled out from his backbone. That would have been embarrassing were it happening for real!

"Seriously Don!" Chester tried.

"Give me a minute!" Don replied without opening his eyes. He shrugged as his clothing started to loosen on him. Cats were a lot smaller than humans. He could just see his jacket and shirt falling off his shoulders. His body would be covered in completely black fur beneath it. He'd have to imagine himself as a shorter furred cat. A small black one like you would see with a witch in cartoons!

"Don!" Chester shouted. "Look at yourself!"

"I'm trying too!" Don hissed. This was Chester's idea! Why was he so insistent on interrupting now? Don continued to focus. He tried to picture himself actually turning into a cat in his head. It was strange. He surprised with how imaginative he actually was. He would swear he felt like he was actually changing into a cat as he pictured it in his head.

Cats had little paws with retractable claws. Then there would be pads on the bottom of his paws that looked like little toe beans. He flexed his feet and toes as he thought about it. He felt like he was so short now that his feet couldn't reach the ground. His shoes and socks would have just slid off his tiny paws! Now he was stretching his toes feeling the sensation of having tiny claws on the tips of his toes! He could swear he really had them!

And cats should have four paws! He reminded himself. Two were not enough! His hands would look similar! He could see himself, and he acted it out... Scratching at his fluffy chest as his fingernails became hard claws. Then they would disappear into fuzzy sheaths. His fingers could get smaller as they became toes on his forepaws. Just like his hind paws they'd be complete with little toe beans. As he stretched his hands he felt like it was actually happening! The fork clattered against his tray again. There was no way a cat could hold something with his hands.

"I think you should really open your eyes and look at yourself." Chester sounded like he was panicking. That made sense. Don was about to try and eat tuna fish. If there was anything worth panicking over it was that!

But for now Don tuned his classmate out. What else were cats like? They had muzzles! That was right! He swore he felt a twinge in his face as he pictured his face pushing out into a muzzle. Then his nose would be small and colored black! It would almost be in the shape of a little heart.

"DON!" Chester shouted. Don ignored him. He was almost done.

There was just one last thing! Cats were small and walked on all fours! He pictured himself struggling to get untangled from his jacket and shirt. As he pictured it in his head he moved around in real life and really felt as if he was stuck underneath giant fabric. It took a few moments... Then there was a smug black kitten sitting atop his discarded clothing.

Don opened his eyes. He must have been really good at imagining because he swore he was now looking underneath the table. It was as if he had shrunk to the size of a real cat! Then... With a powerful kick of his hind legs he leaped up atop the table. There it was... The evil tuna sitting on his tray.

It was go time. Even thinking of himself as a cat Don couldn't ignore what it was. He sniffed at it. Though... The tuna did have a strange alluring scent to it. No... that wasn't right. Tuna could never smell good! Still... He decided to just take a tiny nibble of the fish.

It was absolutely... Not amazing! He definitely didn't think that! It was disgusting! Just as disgusting as he thought it was! Even cats wouldn't like fish it seemed! It was so disgusting... He decided to quickly wolf down the entire fish and get it over with.

As he finished the fish he then paused as he looked over at Chester. Chester looked gigantic now and was staring at him with a look of horror. It was only natural. The sight of any person eating a fish was terrifying to behold.

Still...

Don spied more tuna on Chester's plate. He didn't want it. He just wanted to spare Chester! Yes... Those were the reasons he gave himself for his actions as he pounced across the table. Landing on Chester's tray he quickly devoured the offending fish making the world safe for all everyone.

"Seriously Don!" Chester shouted. "Are you even in there?"

"Mrowl?" Don looked up at Chester. Of course he was in there! Why wouldn't he be! Ok maybe pretending to be a cat was a little strange but he was still Don! He licked his own paw and rubbed the back of his ears. He then paused and looked at his paw. He stared at it for a long moment as if it was the first time he had ever seen it.

"You... you okay Don?" Chester asked.

"MROOOOOWL!?" Don fell onto his backside in shock. This gave him the opportunity to look down his chest and stomach... And even see his hind legs and tail! What had happened! He had turned into a tiny little kitten! Was it the fish!? He knew fish were evil! How did this happen. "MEOOOOOOW!" He objected.

"Seriously you're just now noticing!?" Chester gave a sigh. "I think you imagined a little too hard."

"MEOW MROWL MEOW!" Don shouted. The small kitten ran in circles along the lunch room table.

"Calm down!" Chester shouted. "Maybe you should just try pretending to be human again?"

"Meow." Don fixed Chester with a sarcastic look that only a cat could manage. How could he pretend to be a human? He was human! Okay... He was a kitten now apparently... But he was really a human! He couldn't pretend to be something he already was.

"It's just an idea!" Chester protested as he stood up. "I don't know what just happened."

"MROOOOOWL!" Don responded demanding Chester fix the problem. Then he froze as he looked down over the edge of the table. As Chester had stood up he noticed something. The boy's shoes were untied. And... For some reason Don found that really mesmerizing. He crouched on the table with his ears folded back. He then raised his hind legs into the air and began to wiggle his hips.

"Don what are you-" Chester managed to ask before Don sprung off the table and pounced his shoes. The small black kitten began to bite at the loose laces and tug at them.

"Mewwwww!" Don happily purred as he tore at the laces. He was a mighty kitten! And these puny shoelaces dared to oppose them! They tangled and writhed trying to trap him! But he was mighty! And he bit at them showing them who was boss.

"These are new shoes!" Chester shouted and he grabbed Don by the scruff lifting the kitten up.

"Mewwwww." Don whined. He was having fun. Then he suddenly remembered his predicament! He had turned into a kitten! How had he let himself get distracted from that so easily!? Still it had been fun... Don let his mind wonder. He noticed that Chester's sleeves were long on him and almost went over his hands. He began to paw weakly at the boy's sleeve trying to catch it.

"Stop it!" Chester said.

"Mrowl!" Don was unapologetic as he began to swipe more ferociously at Chester's sleeves. He wasn't able to get a good grip since Chester had his scruff... But he made an admirable effort.

"You're just a bundle of trouble huh?" Chester groaned and he dropped Don on the table. "Don't you think you should be more concerned?"

"Mroooowl!" Don purred as he head butted Chester's hands trying to get him to pet the right spot on his ears. Logically... He knew he should be worried. It was just so difficult. Something about being a kitten. Everything just seemed so whimsical and fun! It was hard to worry about things when there were things around that need biting! And with that he bit Chester's hand playfully.

"OW!" Chester withdrew his hand. "And you're not a very well behaved kitten you know that?"

"Mew?" Don rolled onto his back and gave Chester an upside down smile.

"You silly stupid adorable creature." Chester groaned. "You're lucky you're so freaking cute or I would bop you on the head."

"MEOW!" Don rolled back onto his belly. He then paused for a moment as he saw something. It made his eyes grow in size as he fixated on it. A little bit of sunlight was reflecting off the windows onto the table in front of Don. He leaped up, and pounced for the spot the sun was shining! He then proceeded to slip right past it and flop onto his back. "MEWWW!" He tried to accuse the sunlight of cheating.

"Ugh now what do I do?" Chester growled. "I guess... I take you to class?" He picked Don up with two arms and tried to hold him with his claws facing outward. "Though somehow I have a hard time believing I'm going to convince our math teacher you're absent because you spontaneously turned into a kitten."

"Meow!" Don didn't really see the issue. It wasn't as if they could give a little kitten a detention! Instead as he was carried out of the cafeteria he started wondering about the tuna. He didn't want any... But he was eager to eliminate more tuna from the world... To save the other students from the evil fish! No one not even a cat liked the taste of fish.

Obviously.

But he would eat it. Just to be rid of it. That was the only reason. Really.

The End