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Have you ever met somebody whose passion for something was so powerful that it set your own passion ablaze? I have... and I'll tell you, meeting him got me rolling. Even though most people see me as this happy go lucky Wolf, I have had my own depressive spells/'emo moments', ummm like, even though I'm blonde. In fact, the few months before I met him, I was experiencing my biggest slump.

Now, I'm not really one to drone on about sob details, like seriously, I have a good life! But I'll try to paint a decent picture...

It was my first semester of freshman year at Grovedale High School, 2015. My parents had just gotten divorced, and it was decided for me that I'd move with my mom into a local trailer park. As uncomfortable as my dad was with the whole 'oops I'm gay' thing, the lack of his presence still hit me hard. I started feeling constantly lonely in the tiny trailer, and all I could think about was wanting to move back to my old house, wishing my life would go back to the way it was. School certainly wasn't helping either. I was struggling to make friends and the extreme presence of school cliques was really chaffing my style. A girly-looking Wolf like me who likes sports, hipster music, and is incredibly gay with a nerdy-ass best friend? Heck if I knew who I was supposed the throw in my lot with.

Even though I consider myself more 'sporty' than a jock, I was ultimately concerned with social status and fear of being bullied so I tried to worm my way into the jock clique. To... mixed effect. On one paw I was able to snag some semblance of status, and didn't have to worry about being branded a 'loser'. But on the other paw... I stuck out like a sore thumb among the jocks and was never really able to feel like I belonged.

Now, I loved football in middle school, but in my High School JV team there were a couple of jerks (who will not be named: Sean, Jules, Boxer) that mocked me nonstop because of my height and more feminine features, be it in the hallways, in the locker rooms, during class... Wolves are supposed to be big MANLY MEN, right? Well, not me, and you'd think after the first month of teasing they'd get over it! Didn't matter that I was faster and scored more touchdowns than any of those slackers, I was always just 'shorty' to them. ...Or "shawty" if they were feeling particularly annoying that day. Like, every day they'd rub it into my face that football was a sport meant for big macho straight men. I began wondering what I was even doing on the football team, and played with the idea of quitting the team.

What's worse is that I chose this time to come out to Jayce, my crush/only good friend at the time who was supportive, but also straight, as baffling as I thought that was. I thought maybe it'd make me feel right again and the flowers and rainbows could come back to my life if he maybe, just maaaaaybe he happened to like me back, but nope, he was straight, or 'metrosexual' I guess, but that's a dumb term, let's be real (I can't believe Macrosoft Word spellcheck recognizes it). In retrospect, I am super lucky to have such an open-minded and cool straight friend like Jayce, but at the time hearing he was straight suuuuuuuuuuuuuucked. After that letdown I hardly had the motivation to pick up my guitar and strum. Nothing seemed to be going my way and everything in my life felt... off.

So yeah, high school sucked at first. ...But that all changed when I made the fateful decision to watch the state High School Cross Country championships. Because it was at that large open field that I met him, and my world got flipped back right-side up like woah.

I was just a whim that I went to see the state finals. All the hype surrounding it at school peaked my interest, and running was certainly something I could get behind, so why not give it a gander, y'know? It was convenient enough; the state meet was held in Hebron, just a few miles out of the greater Columbus area. If it were anywhere farther I probably wouldn't have gone to see it. But there was also this one other point of interest... I had heard rumors about this amazing Rat sophomore runner at our school... Everyone was talking about him like he was this legend or something; I heard from a classmate that he made Varsity as a freshmen and was just the boost our school needed to jump from division 3 to 2. Even with all the buzz around him, I couldn't quite remember his name at the time, though; it was a bit of a strange name.

So I went to the state meet midday for the second to last event: the Division 2 boys race (I didn't show up early for the other divisions because, why bother?). I was lucky to nab a high seat in the rinky dink bleachers that stood by the start-finish line of the 5 kilometer grass-field course. There weren't any trees in the area to obstruct vision, but the loop track made for quite the expanse when scoped from the top of the bleachers. Funny I had never mentally grasped what 5 kilometers looked like in my mind until then.

The runners began lining up not long after I took my seat. That was where I first saw him (after working out who he was amongst the crap ton of runners). I was... pretty unimpressed. I had this image of this tall amazing god of a runner, but what I saw was a flat and banal-looking Rat. He wasn't all that tall, he maybe only had an inch on me, not that height really matters. He did have the powerful-looking legs of a runner, but the rest of his body was rather lanky: dull muddy-looking fur that didn't mesh well with the green and white school jersey, a tail that seemed way too short for a Rat, one eye slightly narrower than the other... he didn't exactly catch your eye physically. Though, ironically, his inconspicuousness made him the most conspicuous one in the group of tall athletes.

Still, I noticed he had this...something to him, confidence maybe? When all the runners in their incredibly tight shorts formed a massive line at the starting goal, I couldn't detect the slightest hint of nerves on his muzzle. He was happily swishing his tail side to side. He had this uncannily calm focus and a look of joy, like he knew he was going to kick ass even before the race started. I wasn't entirely sold, but I definitely got curious to see what he was like in action.

The starter pistol shot off, and the race began, the neat line of runners soon crumbled into blobby chunks of various sizes as they all took off at varying speeds. I lost track of who was where in the opening chaos, but in just a few seconds the brown Rat forced his way back into my vision, running steadily at the head of the beast. He was contending for first with a Cheetah from another school at a pace that hardly seemed sustainable for a 5k. My excitement steadily welled up the longer I watched the two continue to sustain that near impossible pace.

After a few minutes in I realized something: this short Rat was a _giant_on the field, just as much as that tall Cheetah, and all the others behind him were small-fry chaser groups ever failing to catch up with them. "Could I ever be like that?", I remember thinking to myself.

The race continued; his legs never relented. The individual runners became hard to distinguish as their distance from the bleachers expanded, but I could always just make out that lanky Rat out in the front of the pack, with that Cheetah close behind. Even when I lost track of the Rat's face, I knew that he was enjoying every single second of the run. I could tell by the rhythm of his legs. It was hypnotic, like moving poetry.

By the last kilometer there was a slight drop in speed, slight. I waited with bated breath as the two started closing in for the final stretch. Cheers continuously pounded my eardrums. Countless blades of grass flew up from under the runners' feet as they ran the looped course. All the while he was still smiling. A few chaser groups were out there some tens of meters back, but none could come close to matching him and the Cheetah. The gap was unconquerable, plain and simple.

The two leads had reached the final stretch before I realized it, close enough to make out the numbered paper on their chests. I started gripping my chest as I watched. He still held the lead, but the Cheetah was just a hair behind him. ...And then he broke into a full on sprint. Somehow after all that running, and he still had reserves of energy. It was astonishing, like he was borrowing energy from days to come. So many chills went down my spine watching him sprint that final stretch. How could somebody like this exist? How was he able to do that?

I unknowingly stood up, my increasingly gaping mouth in tune with the growing gap between the Rat and Cheetah. The Feline was struggling to increase pace, defeated gritted teeth on full display. There was no doubt as to who would win... Lachlan. That was the name that my classmates and the runners' parents were cheering. Right, Lachlan, right, that was his name. What a great name...

What was once a minuscule gap soon constituted tens of meters. Lachlan had indisputably dominated his competition as he crossed the line. Fanfare erupted from the bleachers, and my eyes widened as I confirmed his time on the clock: fourteen minutes fifty one seconds. The Cheetah had been left behind in the dust. Intense frustration and exhaustion wracked his face as he too made it on home. He had just barely missed making sub 15 minutes, making Lachlan the only one to break the elusive High School 15 minute 5k. I found myself mouthing the words "I don't believe it..."

I wasn't interested in watching the other runners make it to the finish line, all I wanted to do was look at this impossibly amazing Rat. Heck, since a few minutes into the race I had been so focused on him that I didn't even realize I had forgotten to cheer. Lachlan was panting a tornado, as he walked over to the rest area. He had his paws on his knees, clearly panting heavily as the other racers began trickling into the finish line. His body was no doubt at its limits, but I see clearly a big dumb smile stretched across his face, a smile directed at nobody in particular. It was so awkward with how hard he was panting, yet it was so... enchanting at the same time. I felt my heart light up, and my own stupid smile form on my muzzle as he collapsed on the ground spread eagle... who would have thought a plain guy like him could be so amazing? My smile only widened as two Furs from our school's Girl's cross country team poured half a jug of water on Lachlan's face, to which he broke into a coughing laughter.

However... the final team results did put a bit of a damper on Lachlan's achievement. Ultimately, Grovedale combined runner times had us placed in third, despite Lachlan's triumph. It was the Cheetah's team, Hudston High that got the gold. At the end of the day it Cross Country is a team sport, so it wasn't a real victory for my school, nor Lachlan. Despite this, all the buzz from the race was centered on everybody's favorite brown Rat. CC parents, other Grovedale students, runners from other schools, and even a local reporter flocked around him, fondling him and praising him up the wazoo. And who wouldn't be impressed that a Rat of middling height was not only able to best so many tall Cheetahs and Horses, but also to break the near unattainable High School 15 minute 5k? I sure was.

I knew had to talk to him, but it was a bit tricky with all those people around him. The swarming around Lachlan continued even after the final award ceremony, so ultimately I had spent nearly half an hour awkwardly shadowing the Rat, waiting for a chance to talk to him alone. All the while I sent who knows how many 'Just five more minutes!' text to my Mom who was eager to drive back home now that the official events were over. Eventually I caught the Rat on his own after he had gone to the bathroom, and stole a moment for himself to lean against a nearby tree and check his phone. He was probably looking for a chance to get away from all fans and buzz, but HECK this was my only chance and I had to take it! So I mustered my courage and crept on up, my heart aflutter.

I was a few feet away from him, but he was still looking at his phone, his alertness probably shot from all the running. I got his attention by waving my hand awkwardly even though he was RIGHT THERE in front of me. "H-Hi, you're Lachlan, right?" I nervously asked, which I should have done in the first place instead of short distance waving at him like a total dork.

A faint smile perked up on his muzzle, "Oh, hello there." he spoke with a tiny hint of a British accent, which became another blow to my feeble heart. It was all it took to get me ranting on like some crazy fanboy, "I'm sure you've been told this a million times today but you slew out there! You were so cool and I was just like 'WOAH he's not letting up his pace' and then that final sprint! Jesus Beyondce Christ! My heart was doing flips on itself all crazy like and Watching you run was just super special awesome sauce!" it occurred to me that I was doing jazz paws shortly after saying 'super special awesome sauce'... not one of my classier moments.

I wanted to believe that Lachlan was charmed by my childish behavior, but the impression was probably more akin to 'acting like an annoying little brother' than 'cute fan'. He smiled at me uncertainly, "Why thank you, uh..." A brief flash of hesitation on his muzzle. I became painfully away of how loony I was acting, worried that he's basically tell me to scram. But then he continued in a completely unseen direction, "Actually I think I've seen you around school before. You're on the JV football team right? Chris, was it?"

It was the first time hearing my own name practically caused me whiplash; I become frozen like a shopping mall mannequin for a few seconds before a big dumb grin emerged on my face. "Y-You know my name?!" I asked in disbelief as I began running my fingers through my headhair. It was all I could do to keep my excitement under control.

He giggled a bit before stowing away his phone (that had a Haughty Mouse case, score!). The soft muted way he laughed was cute, but more than anything I was just glad he wasn't turned off my sudden burst of energy. "Yeah... I'm also on our school's Track and Field for winter and spring, and call it weird, but sometimes I watch the JV football games to scout for possible members for coach. Lots of fast Furs like you on the JV football team who haven't decided on winter or spring sports, yet."

He thinks I'm fast?

Lachlan stood up, now smiling at me shyly, thumbing the brim of his cap with his left paw. "Sorry I hadn't gotten around to talking to you yet, I'm not the best at striking up a conversation. It's nice to finally get a chance to talk to you, Chris. I never realized what a bundle of energy you were." He said, extending his right paw out. It took a few moments blank gaping before I realized that he wanted to shake paws with me.

I had to mentally restrain myself from jumping up and down as I shook his paw with both of my own. "You'd really want me to join? I-I-I mean I'd love to, but you really think I'd be good enough? You don't think I'd be out of my lead? Oh wait that's not the expression, I mean 'out of my league'? Not to imply that I wouldn't want to join, I totally would love to join!" I blathered, completely forgetting what I was originally planning to talk about.

He gave me what I had so assume was an amused half smile, retracting his paw from my unintentional double paw vice grip that I had let go on way too long. "Of course! You seem like a fine sort of Wolf who can manage a good sprint. I can't say about endurance but I imagine you'd be excellent running the hundred meter dash."

I was sold quicker than tickets to a Re-hanna concert, "Yes! I'd love to! I'll join!" It was the first time in a while I got so worked up and excited about something. Despite my best effort, I inevitably started jumping up and down like a giddy pup who just got the okay to eat icecream for breakfast, all the while my tail was wagging back and forth rapidly. Excited as I was I couldn't stop my big mouth from running, "And, this might sound dumb but, you don't think we could be friends, could we?"

There was that smile of his, so close to the one he had when he had won the race, "You're quite the friendly fellow aren't you? Of course, I'm sure we'll be fast friends in no time! Although... people say I'm a bit of an incorrigible hipster, hope that doesn't bother you."

Fuck if I knew what 'incorrigible' meant, but he said he thought we could be friends! I just felt so stupid happy, like how was this going so well? "That's fine, I have total hipster tastes in music! I love Radiobutt, of Monsters and Furs, Haughty Mouse and Literally Dragons!"

His eyes lit up a bit upon the words 'Haughty Mouse', leading us to have a good sidetracked chat about the band before he reigned back in the conversation, "But yes, I'd be happy to call you my friend. And the cliques are strangely political at our school, it makes things a bit hard to fit in."

Cue the yes-manning parade, "Literally, same. I feel you so hard! It's so weird and cramping! Except, you have so many people flocking to you and admiring you? How can you have trouble fitting in?"

He gave me a noncommittal shrug. "They're fans, teammates, rivals... not exactly friends. They see my stats and my achievements and that becomes the sum of my parts... not that I can blame them for finding that the most interesting thing about me, I mean, just look at me. Not much going on here."

I felt practically backhanded by his humility, especially after I remembered my first superficial impression of him. My ears folded down a bit, as I realized how wrong I had been, "I really like the way you look..." I stammered a bit as I said it.

"Oh..." A few blinks, like he was translating the words in his head. And then he laughed and placed a paw on my shoulder, warmth radiating into me, "Never thought I'd hear that one. Thank you Chris! You're awfully nice."

"More like 'forward'" is what I wanted to say, except for a nagging fear of gay rejection. I was thinking of what not-awkward things I could say to follow up, but as fate would have it, our conversation was cut short. I heard the voice of another one of the cross country kids from behind me, calling out to Lachlan to hurry on over to the bus or he'd miss the big celebration meal at Pizza Shack.

"Coming!" he shouted back before turning his attention back to me, "Ah, sorry to cut things short but I best not keep them waiting. Don't want them to think that I'm some spoiled prince because I happened to get a good time." He chuckled at his own non-joke joke, and I found myself chuckling along with him. He smiled at me again, "It was nice meeting you, Chris. I'll talk to you again later at school, and I'm looking forward to running with you in track," he said warmly, giving me a two finger salute.

"Bye Lovelan..." I said as happily as I could before my face nearly erupted with embarrassed heat "I MEAN LACHLAN!"

Smiling uncertainly, his brows moved together, amused. "You're a funny one," he chuckled as he began jogging toward his teammate. "And just 'Lach' is fine," He called out after a few yards, waving.

I wove back to him energetically with both paws, which pretty much turned into 'Jazz Paws the Sequel, now In Blu Ray!'. Once his head rounded back forward, I couldn't help but stare at his tail. As short as it was for a Rat's, the way it flicked from side to side was strikingly cute, especially with him wearing those itty bitty cross country shorts *ahem*. After becoming aware of how my tail was wagging, I realized to my joy the behavior of his tail seemed almost canine. Once he was out of sight, I pressed my back up the tree and let out a big contented sigh to myself.

I mean, WOW. He was such a sweetheart... And super talented with an amazing personality to boot. Though even before, just from that smile of his... I could already feel in my gut that he was amazing. No ego or sense of superiority, just somebody who loved running and happened to be ridiculously talented at it. We even had music in common! Heck, it was all I could do not to squee like a Kpop fangirl after he said he would 'love to be friends'. Although... my eagerness with that was probably a dead giveaway that I was gay, not to mention me complementing his looks, my constant jazzpawing, and that little Freudian slip of mine (wow I'm transparent).

But after pacing around in circles for a hot minute with a few worried 'BUT what if he knows?!'s, I remembered the whole 'hey I'm a hipster' bit, and calmed down. Even at the time I knew that being hipster was more than just liking coffee, flannel and obscure music genres like... Folktronica jazz rap fusion or whatever. It also often meant interest into hippie free love and weird relationship stuff. So me being gay probably wouldn't weird him out at all, score!

With that fear thrown away in the 'probably not a big deal' mental garbage can, I finally went back to my Mom, who was impatiently waiting by the family car. I was worried that she'd be annoyed from all the 'Just five more minutes!' texts I sent her while I was trying to get a chance to talk to Lachlan. She looked irritated as I approached... But I guess seeing the big dumb grin on my face (that had been stored away in the back shelves long enough to attract cobwebs) was enough to let her know that whatever I was doing was 'worth it'. So when I approached her, her face softened and she asked me "Did you have a good time?" to which I responded "I had a dope time!" And with that, we took off back home, it being the first time that the irony of driving to a mobile home didn't bother me. For that ride, when I wasn't yipping on about my sudden interest in track and Field, I was thinking happy warm thoughts about Lach.

And that was the turning point. I finally had something else to occupy my mind from those thoughts of 'Wahhh my new life sucks'. I mean, there were just so many questions: how did he get so good at running? Did he have some sort of secret technique? Was he secretly an alien from a distant planet? Would I be able to impress him if I joined track, or would I just be dead weight? Would he be interested in running with me? Did he play any instruments? How did he feel about cuddling? What was his favorite season of Glee? Did he like blondes? I mean, there was probably a whole conversation about obsession there somewhere, but whatever, I finally had something I was interested in!

Was this because of a crush on him? Well, yeah. I'm really freaking easy to read, I know. But I knew better than to get my hopes up on him liking boys, I DEFINITELY LEARNED MY LESSON ON THAT ONE (thanks Jayce). Even to this day I'm not really sure what his deal is, but goddamn if I wasn't (and still am) curious!

So a few days later at school, after multiple conversations in the hallways and over text, I did casually tell him that I was 'yeah maybe kinda gay', and just as I thought, he had no problem with it! I didn't want to directly ask him about himself because, you know... that can bring up a lot of personal baggage. But I tried to dance around and probe the answer out of him. But whaddayaknow, I never could get a straight answer out of him with tactics like that, argh.

But even if he was straight, or unavailable or in the closet or whatever, I still wanted to impress him! Or at least be good enough at my hobbies that I didn't un-impress him. So I started running on my own during early mornings to condition for Track and Field, and began working on those really hard guitar songs that I once gave up on (Through the Fire and Flames is no joke, even if it is basically a meme now). I even began teaching myself how to read ACTUAL sheet music instead of just guitar tabs, crazy right?

It would probably look silly from the outside, right? Going to all this trouble just to impress some boy I just met? But, it worked, and it was fun! Sometimes I even forgot that I started up again because I wanted to impress a boy, I was just enjoying having a reason to be back in the grove of things.

Now that I was starting to get my shit together, fitting in as a football kid started to fall into place! After a few marvelous touchdowns at one of our games, I began hitting it off with two of the other hottiesFurs on the football team that year, Rob and Scott, who I'd soon become close friends with. I originally thought they were both vapid jocks, but no, they were both pretty chill (even if Rob needs to chill the fuck down with his gay jokes, I swear to Christ if I hear him say 'semen milkshakes' one more time...)! And me having attractive friends meant I finally had some real social capital! TAKE THAT HIGH SCHOOL!

And THEN, just when I thought Lach couldn't be any more amazing, I found out he played bass guitar! See, for a while, Jayce's cool older sister Jasmine (who's a dope drummer) and I had been toying with the idea of forming a band, but we could never find a bass player. So once Lach entered the picture, all we had to do was find a singer who would be into alternative/punk rock. So after a quick search (finding a singer was super easy, we just had to ask a few punk/goth chicks, took like 5 minutes), we found this chick named Angie with a killer voice, and our band "Backyard Slayers" was formed.

Things were just rolling in place! School went from a drag to something I greeted happily at the start of every day!

And it gets better!

You know how I mentioned Lach was interviewed at the State meet? I didn't hear it at the time, but his interview got uploaded to Utube, which I *randomly* stumbled upon a few months later. There were all the standard questions, how he felt about breaking the 15 minute 5k, what it felt like to take first place, how often he practiced... And his answers were all respectful and on point. But it was his answer to 'how did you overcome the limitations of height and species', that really stuck with me. The words that I would hear come out of his muzzle would ring in my ears over and over, "Well, I guess..." he started out, before breaking out into unapologetic sincerity. "When you love what you do, you make the impossible happen."

Those words stuck with me. Simple, clean and true. I could be a special person like him. I just had to stop all this mental baggage of mine from keeping me from doing what I love to do! Fuck the haters, fuck my old life, fuck my dad, and fuck me for not realizing it sooner! I could be running star like Lach, a star football, a star in a band, I could do all of it! I could be anything! His achievements were proof of that. I saw it before my own eyes. It was like some sort a switch went off in my brain...

So that was the moment where I got it back. My joy, my passion, my swag,_whatever you want to call it. It was back! It felt different, sure, I could never be quite as goofy innocent as I was when I was a little pup, but I GOT IT BACK Y'ALL! If you don't like me being short and gay well you can just suck my balls! I'm just gonna do whatever I want and be AMAZING at it! Fuck 'the man' and his expectations! _I'm a free bitch, baby!

I've lived by those words of his for the past two years and they haven't betrayed me once. I've been happy, I've been free, and also incredibly gay (although some friends of mine STILL haven't caught on *coughs* Rob *coughs*).

How lucky was I to meet somebody so special? How many people like Lach even were there in High School? One in every school? One in every ten? A hundred? His, kindness, passion and open mind were all qualities of a wonderful upstart gent, and then there was his running. He told stories with his running. Every lap a new page, every step a new word...

His running was magic, and I caught fire to that magic.

So then I gotta ask... Why?

...

...

...Why did he have to stop running?