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Unreality TV: The Series

Episode 2

"Last time on Unreality TV!" Jack the fox kit happily began chattering as scenes flashed by from the previous episode. "Our contestants made their first appearance in the kitchen! Then everyone was put to the task of making an epic appetizer. Emily made a mouth watering steak, a wolf tradition, while Ava decided to go with an exotic salad. Justin was too obsessed with staring at his reflection in the dishes. Ed muttered to himself a lot... And eventually served up a fruit platter! In the end... It was Sophia who left the kitchen! The mouse just didn't know how to hustle... She took all day just to get one plate across the room and only prepared one thimble's worth of food! Not nearly enough to feed our hungry judges! Now... Everyone is back in the kitchen today! For a brand new episode of... UnReality TV!"

"Wait... None of that happened!" Emily protested her tail thrashing. "And why would I make a classic wolf recipe! I'm supposed to be a human."

"Yip!" Bill the coyote happily wagged his tail.

"Bill is right," Jack replied. "We couldn't possibly have footage of the show if it didn't actually happen."

"Um... But... Just..." Ed clapped his hooves together as he looked nervously. "I... I don't really remember any of it that way... But if you say it happened..."

"Now hang on I remember what happened! We were on an island!" Justin roared. "And what was the point about splitting us into teams last time if we're suddenly doing something completely different! And... I did not spend the entire episode staring at myself!"

"Actually you kinda did!" Ava giggled and swatted at the lion's tail. "I remember that part!"

"Yap!" Bill stood up and let his tongue hang out.

"I couldn't have said it better myself Bill!" Jack replied. The fox kit bore a smug expression. "We don't really have time to talk about how much each of you seem to misremember the last episode. Next you'll start trying to tell me you're all supposed to be boring old humans."

"We are supposed to be humans!" Emily's wolf ears folded back on her head while her muzzle shifted into a snarl.

"NOT IMPORTANT!" Jack bristled. "What is important... Is today's challenge! Each of you is going to have to make alchemical dinners! You'll have access to a number of interesting and most likely cursed ingredients! And you'll have to make the tastiest meal that you can! Once time is called Bill and I will be acting as judges! We eagerly await the opportunity to test your ingredients."

"Wait... Did I hear you say something about curses?" Ava asked.

"And challenge start!" Jack shouted interrupting her.

On cue everyone split up to search the kitchen for ingredients. None of them were professional chefs and upon digging through the various shelves and pantries within the kitchen they weren't sure what they were looking at. Was any of this actual food? There were vials of strangely colored liquid, weird squishy things, unspeakable horrors with tentacles (they go good with tartar sauce), and a paprika. Just about everyone was at a lost as to how to actually produce food from these.

"This... This is what we have to work with?" Emily sighed She ran a paw through her black head fur. She was still dressed in the tattered leather clothing they had forced her into in the first episode. That honestly bothered her more than having been turned into a wolf. "Are any of these things even edible?" She picked up a jar of red rust colored flakes. "I can't tell if this is a seasoning or something an animal shed."

"Maybe it's both!" Ava replied happily. The bunny hopped up into the air to reach a shelf and just grabbed bunch of different ingredients all at once. "Besides it's a show! So they can't actually give us anything dangerous... Especially if they're the ones tasting it."

"I suppose that's true..." Emily conceded. Then she smiled a bit. "Well, if they're the ones tasting it..." She looked down at her tail and the pink stripe she hated so much. She smiled evilly as she began to pick ingredients that looked as spicy as possible. "Who really wants to serve their revenge cold?"

"Um this uh..." Ed looked in one of the pantries. The deer began to twiddle his hooves nervously as he examined the various items within. "I um... Don't really know what any of these are..." He grabbed a bottle of some liquid... Possibly vinegar? He didn't have fingers anymore so found it difficult to hold. He had to squeeze it between two hooves.

"Who cares if you don't recognize them!" Justin bellowed. The lion gave the smaller deer a friendly pat on the shoulders. "Cooking is about manly passion! Don't worry about what things are! Just do what feels right!" With that he began to pick ingredients from the cabinet completely at random.

With everyone having picked their ingredients the contestants got to work cooking. Of course, hours of work into prepping and serving meals is not the most entertaining thing to watch. Luckily, through the power of TV editing things could be made to look far more dramatic than they actually were. Like Ava burning a piece of toast in the oven turned into a threat to burn down the entire kitchen! Emily grunting at Justin accidentally stepping on her tail was made to look as if the 30 second disagreement was an hour long shouting match.

"TIME!" Jack gave a shout. The editing made it appear as if the fox kit had called time after just a few minutes. In reality it was well over an hour later. "Everyone! Please bring up their dishes so that we can taste and judge them!"

On cue, several dishes of questionable quality were placed on the ground in front of Bill and Jack. At least one of them consisted of bubbling goop that occasionally seemed to move on its own.

"Aroooo," Bill whined. The coyote's tail went between his legs as he looked at the meals.

"Well... Um..." Jack seemed uncertain. The fox kit was terrified of the meals. "I mean they tried their best, and that's what counts."

"Yap!" Bill stood up and wagged his tail.

"Oh wonderful idea!" Jack nodded in agreement with Bill. "After all... You all worked so hard on these dishes, you must be hungry... So instead of us hogging them all to ourselves! Each of you will tasting someone else's dish!"

"Urk!" Emily grunted as she realized her meal would be going to someone other than their intended target.

"That's right!" Jack said. "So um... Let's see.... We'll have... Emily eat Justin's meal! Justin can eat Ed's. Ed can eat Ava's. And Ava can eat Emily's. There! And everyone is accounted for!"

"But whose meal does Steve get to eat?" Ava tilted her head and asked.

"Eh Steve?" Jack asked. He then noticed that Steve was standing directly behind them.

"ARRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!" Bill let out a howl and jumped five feet forward.

"Aiiiiiiii!" Jack also jumped forward. "Cheese and crackers! How long have you been there!? I completely forgot you were on the show! Fine... Steve can eat his own meal! That will work right?"

"..." Steve didn't respond. The human just continued to stare into space.

"There see he agrees," Jack replied. "I think. Okay... Up first... Emily! Please go ahead and enjoy the meal Justin prepared!"

"Aheh heh..." Emily laughed nervously as she took the dish Justin had made. It looked like a swamp on a platter. "Do I use a spoon or a straw?" The thing on her plate seemed to move on its own. "What... Even is it?"

"The mark of my manly pride!" Justin replied. The lion beamed happily as his meal was about to be eaten. "I set the heat to its highest level when cooking to make sure it obtained maximum flavor!"

"That's... That's not how it works..." Emily sighed, took a spoon and then took a bite. "It... Is... Huh..." She blinked in surprise. "It tastes like hazelnuts... Burnt hazelnuts... But still hazel- Ugh..." Emily grunted as she suddenly began to shrink into her clothes. Her tail became thicker and fluffier while muzzle became shorter. Her leathers fell to the ground as she disappeared within them. A few moments later a small rodent-like creature scurried out of the clothing. Emily was a squirrel now. Mostly... She could still stand on two legs and had thumbs; but at first glance it was hard to tell her apart from any normal squirrel one might see in the park.

"Huh that wasn't manly at all," Justin whined.

"Ugh and now I'm naked on national TV..." Emily complained as she looked over herself.

"Join the club!" Ava bounced up and down at this.

"Right..." Emily sighed. "Least I'm not wearing that stupid outfit... and maybe I finally got rid of that..." She paused as she examined her body. She was covered in brown fur now... But as for her tail. There was still a single bright pink stripe going through it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Uh well... Guess I'm up next..." Justin stepped over the screaming squirrel to grab the dish prepared by Ed. It was a soup... Though one without much substance. The broth was completely clear. "This... Doesn't look like much."

"Oh... Um..." Ed clapped his paws together. "I didn't really know what to do... And I couldn't cook very well with these hooves." The deer stared at the ground avoiding eye contact.

"Dude it's fine! I'm sure it tastes fine!" Justin said. He quickly lifted up the bowl to his muzzle and drank the broth in one gulp. He paused for a few moments considering the tastes. "Wait... I think this was just water..."

"S... sorry," Ed continued to stare at the floor.

"It's fine really!" Justin felt guilty seeing Ed so crestfallen. "I mean it was very refreshing! And um!" He paused... As he suddenly noticed everyone was getting bigger. Justin's mane suddenly shrunk away into nothing. His muscles became less defined. With the exception of Emily, he was now the shortest person in the room. He was still a lion... But he was now a very scrawny lion cub. No older than eight years of age. "Ah! No... My muscles!" He whined. "I looked so good like that!"

"Sorry!" Ed squeaked again.

"Hey I think you're cuter now!" Ava chimed in. The bunny eagerly petted the now shorter lion cub atop the head.

"But my manly pride!" Justin whined... Then surrendered himself to being petted.

"I um... Guess... I go now..." Ed slowly walked up and picked up the dish that had been prepared by Ava. This one was a mess. It was a mess of different unrecognizable ingredients that had just been thrown into a bowl. They were then soaked in some kind of sauce and had so much seasoning on them that the entire thing was covered in a fine powder. Justin clumsily picked it up with his hooves. He tried to find some way to eat the meal... But without proper hands he couldn't both hold it and use a fork.

"It was made with love!" Ava flashed a large smile exposing her buckteeth.

"Uh right..." Ed gave up on trying to eat the dish properly. He instead just shoved his head into the bowl and began eating. He withdrew his head a few moments later and grimaced. He almost looked as if he was in pain.

"Was it good? Did you like it?" Ava smiled.

"It was... very flavorful..." Ed tried to explain. Then he hiccupped and was gone. His clothing floated to the ground where he had been standing. A very tiny, no bigger than a mouse, deer climbed out from beneath the clothing. He got a few inches, before hiccupping again and shrinking down to the size of an ant.

"Oh dear..." Jack spoke up. "Better go get the Petri dish." The fox kit ran off and came back just in time to scoop up a small grain of sand sized deer and deposit him in the dish.

"Guess I gotta go," Ava spoke up and picked up the last dish. It looked like rice, but rice that was coated in a red hot glowing sauce and red flakes. It looked as if it might be a fire hazard just standing next to it. "This looks... Interesting."

"I um..." Emily spoke up. "I uh... Yeah sorry about this..."

"Sorry about what?" Ava grabbed a spoon and took a bite from the rice. She suddenly made a face as if in pain, then gave a sigh of relief. "It's spicy... But... Kind of good." She began to shovel spoonfuls of the rice into her mouth. As she did her fur slowly melted away and was replaced by green scales. Horns grew from her head and wings from her back. Long claws formed on her hands and feet. By the time she finished eating she was a humanoid dragon instead of a rabbit. But one that was still bunny sized. "Delicious!"

"Uh... If you say so!"

"..." Steve was the only person left. He picked up his own dish. It was a garden salad. He slowly began to eat it.

"You made a salad!?" Jack shouted. "Of all the things you could possibly do... A salad!? Just... Why?"

"Arf?" Bill seemed taken aback by this as well. Both the coyote and the fox stared at Steve, as if waiting for something to happen. However, Steve just finished his salad in peace unchanged.

"He's like a freak of nature..." Jack whined.

"Arroooooo," Bill agreed and folded his ears back.

"Well... I guess that's the end of this challenge..." Jack said. "And... Today's loser is Ed! His dish was just a bowl of water! Not exactly a meal so he is disqualified! Plus... He can't really participate anymore from inside a Petri dish..."

There was no response from the Petri dish sitting next to the fox kit. By this point Ed had shrunken to a microscopic level, far smaller than what could be seen or heard.

"So we'll be ending it here! Four chefs remain! Who will be going home next time on... Unreality TV!"

To Be Continued