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Ashcroft Investigations

The Case of the Stolen Watch

Odin sat in his office chair with his hat pulled down over his eyes. The wolf's brown trench coat had been removed and was now laying across him like a blanket. Calex, his faithful kitten sidekick laid curled up in his lap sleeping as peacefully as his master. It was a brief moment of tranquility in their lives before the next adventure came calling.

And then it literally called.

"I'll get it!" The orange kitten went from sound asleep to wide away in an instant as the phone rang.

"What!?" The wolf snorted away as the kitten sprang from his lap. "Oh no you don't!" The wolf lunged across his desk pushing the kitten onto the ground while trying to grab the phone

"Ah come on let me handle it!" The kitten pleaded. As he did he tugged on the phone's cord pulling it off the table and down towards him on the floor.

"You can not handle this!" Odin dove over the side of the desk grabbing at the phone. He managed to balance himself on his belly as he grabbed the phone by the receiver.

"Sure I can!" Calex whined.

"Last time I let you talk to a client we wound up fighting dinosaurs on the moon." With that the wolf turned his attention to the person on the other end of the phone. "Hello? Yes? Really? That bad? Okay we're on the case!"

"What's it this time?" Calex asked. "Alien invasion? Elder god sighting? Giant robots?"

"This time we're dealing with a very special brand of criminal," Odin explained. "A watch thief."

"The fiend!" Calex then paused and shot the wolf a quizzical look. "Wait really? Isn't petty theft a bit beneath our pay grade?"

"When your fridge is empty, nothing is beneath your pay grade." Odin grabbed the kitten by the scruff, lifted him up and placed him on atop his hat. "Now to the crime scene!"

The theft had occurred at a small watch store in the downtown shopping area. It was in a small shopping center across from a park. As the wolf and kitten arrived the shop looked perfectly ordinary.

"Hmnmm," Odin studied the building and tried the front door finding it locked. "No broken windows or other signs of a forced entry... Though now I'm realizing we have no way to get inside either." The wolf bent down in front of the locked door and removed a series of pins from his pockets. He slowly started working on trying to open the lock.

"Isn't that illegal?" Calex asked.

"Uh well..." Odin hesitates. "Uhhh under normal circumstances yes but... oh hey look over there I think something was moving in the bushes you should go investigate that!"

"Huh?" The kitten tilted his head. "Well okay if you say so..." The kitten padded around the shop on all fours. He slowly approached a line of bushes and sniffed at them. "Don't see any-"

"I'm late!" A white furred figure bursted out from the bush. It was a white rabbit in a waistcoat. "Oh dear this won't do at all!" The rabbit produced a large pocket watch from his coat. He examined it for a few seconds before bolting away from the kitten.

"The watch!" The kittens eyes lit up as he saw it. He took off on all fours chasing after the rabbit. As he rounded the building he called out to the wolf. "Odin! The rabbit has the watch!"

"Huh?" Odin turned and saw the rabbit running into the distance and the kitten chasing it. He dropped his pins and gave chase after both of them huffing as he ran. "Well they say the criminal always returns to the scene of the crime I guess..."

Wolf and kitten chased the white rabbit across the street into the park. The rabbit showed no signs of slowing down as it stayed ahead of them. Suddenly it darted beneath a tree and disappeared from sight. The kitten reached the tree first. As he approached it he came to a skidding halt. Inside the trunk of a tree was a massive hole! Even his eyes couldn't pierce the darkness and see how far it went.

There is a reason the term is known as cat-like reflexes. The kitten had been able to stop as soon as he noticed the hole. The wolf on the other hand... Odin noticed the kitten has stopped running just a moment too late. The wolf tripped over the kitten causing both of them to tumble into the hole. Darkness surrounded then as they fell for what felt like an eternity.

"I'm bored," Calex whined after several minutes of falling.

"Falling to our doom isn't exciting enough for you?" Odin grumbled. He reached into his pockets and produced a grappling hook mounted on a gun. He quickly fired it upward. It was sadly unable to snag anything. "Well that was my idea. You got anything?"

"Want to play I spy?" Calex asked.

"That doesn't really fix the problem..." Odin muttered. He didn't have any better ideas though and so the two proceeded to play a game. It wasn't very exciting. Falling through a dark void the only thing they could see was each other. That meant they just went back and forth between spying something orange (Calex) or something gray (Odin). Such an inane game would drive most sane creatures mad. Luckily these two were already there.

After the umpteenth round of I Spy the two finally landed. Much to their surprise neither one suffered any ill effects from the long fall. Instead they just gently touched down and landed in a room with a checkered floor.

"Huh look at that we lived," Odin mused. "That's unlikely but good."

"Hey Odin?" The kitten looked around. "Where are we?" Other than a checkered floor the room had a small fireplace, a glass table, and a very tiny door that not even the kitten could squeeze through.

"Not sure yet..." Odin replied. "But that door is the only way out I see... So I assume that's the direction our thief took... Now how do we get through it?"

"Why not do the same as the rabbit?" A tired sleepy voice spoke up.

"Odin!" The kitten got excited. "I think the door just talked!"

"That would be ridiculous Calex even by our standards." The wolf fixed the kitten with a stern stare. "Doors don't talk."

"Well of course not," the tired voice spoke up again. "Everyone knows only doorknobs talk." The doorknob on the door had a face. It let out a big yawn before speaking again. "Now will you two quiet down? I'm trying to get some sleep."

"Wait wait!" The kitten failed about in from of the tiny door. "How did the rabbit get through?"

"Just look up on the table" the doorknob yawned and then fell silent.

As instructed the wolf walked over and examined the table. Atop it was a small tiny bottle that said 'Drink Me.' The wolf picked it up and stared at it.

"I'm pretty sure I see where this is going," Odin glared at the bottle. "But should we really be drinking from an unknown vial?"

"Absolutely," Calex replied without hesitation.

"But what kind of moral message do we send children at home by doing this?" Odin asked.

"That unknown substances are awesome and often lead to adventure," Calex responded

"Well I suppose as the resident child you'd know best." Odin replied with a roll of his eyes. "Bottoms up then." He scooped up the kitten and poured a small amount of the vial"s liquid into his mouth. Then Odin quickly drank what was left of the bottles. The effects were immediate. The two began to dwindle in size rapidly. Soon they both disappeared as Odin's clothing collapsed on top of them. After a few moments a very tiny wolf, only a couple of inches tall crawled out from beneath the pile of clothing in only his birthday suit.

"I saw this coming..." Odin muttered, "And yet I did nothing to prevent it."

"Ah come on!" Calex crawled out next. He was even smaller, only about as tall as the wolf's knees. "It's not like this is unfamiliar territory for us."

"All too true," Odin signed. "Well guess we're going the rest if this adventure sans clothes and tools." With that the wolf walked to the door and attempted to open it. "It's locked... And I can't use my lock picks now."

"Guess we need a key," Calex responded.

"Look up on the table," the doorknob spoke with a big yawn.

"What?" Odin looked back up at the glass table that now towered above him. A small silver key could just barely be seen atop it. He was fairly certain it hasn't been there before. He narrowed his eyes and stared at the door. "And you didn't think to bring this up until now? No I think we'll go with plan B. Calex attack mode."

"Mroooooooawwwwrl!" Calex let out a fierce snarl and stood up on his hind legs with his claws out.

"Wait...." The door woke up slightly at this.

"Calex, kick down the door on my mark." Odin smiled to himself.

"You... You wouldn't!" The doorknob was awake. And he's a kitten! He couldn't!"

"You're half right," Odin flashed a predatory smile. "He's a werekitten. A bit stronger than your average kitten. Even at this size a tiny door won't really stand up to him."

"You're bluffing," the doorknob replied. As he spoke the kitten picked up a paw and slammed it into the ground causing the entire floor around him to crack.

"Kick it down," Odin pointed at the door.

"Waaaaaaaait!" The doorknob cried and then there was a clicking noise. Suddenly the door swung open on its own.

"That's what I thought," Odin smirked and walked through the door. "Come along Calex."

"Hmph!" The door slammed shut after both kitten and wolf were through. "I hope you both lose your heads."

"Well that's a little ominous," the kitten spoke as the two exited the door and found themselves in field of massive blades of grass that towered over them like trees.

"Hmmmm," Odin rubbed his chin. "I'd like to think he was just being a poor sport... but I get the feeling there's something unpleasant ahead of us. So question is who or what would cause us to lose our heads?"

"Oh that'd be the queen," a whimsical voice spoke up.

"And we're up to disembodied voice number two for the day," Odin muttered as he looked around. He half expected to see another door. "Beginning to think we're just going mad."

"If you are then you're in good company!" The air began to shimmer. A wisp of smoke near the top of a blade of grass then solidified into a gray striped cat head. "We're all quite mad here."

"Odin!" Calex got excited. "Is another kitty!"

"Or at least part of one," Odin mused. "Is that what happens when you get beheaded?"

"Oh no not at all." More smoke formed around the cat as the rest of its body formed. "My mind is just prone to wander."

"Cats..." Odin muttered as he looked at his kitten then back at the cat. "Okay let's try it this way. Who's the queen you mentioned?"

"Oh she's mad in more ways than one!" The gray cat replied. "Quite the temper on her. Only takes the slightest provocation."

"So we'll just have to avoid her. We just have to find the white rabbit right?"

"Oh I'm afraid that's impossible," the gray cat replied. The rabbit you seek is with the queen right now."

"Ugh so we have to face her anyway..." Odin grimaced. "Ok fine where can we find this queen and the rabbit?"

"Oh that's easy," the gray cat replied and gestured his right paw to the left. "Simply head this way..." He then gestured his left paw to the right. "Or that way."

"That... That isn't helpful at all!" Odin threw up his hands.

"Odin," Calex stepped up. "Let me talk to him cat to cat." The kitten stared at the gray cat before he began to yowl. "Mroooooowl! Mew meooooooow!"

"Oh now aren't you a curious kitten," the gray cat's grin widened in amusement.

"Meoooooooooow!" Calex continued to yowl for a solid minute. After he was done an awkward silence fell over the area. The gray cat fixed the kitten with a quizzical look as they sat in silence.

"Meow," the gray cat finally replied.

"Alright it's this way!" Calex chimed happily as he strode past the gray cat.

"Well I guess that's that." Odin shrugged and followed the kitten. As they continued forward the tall grass slowly ended as the two entered a rose garden. The strange thing about the garden was that it wasn't gigantic. Despite the two's shrunken size it was as if everything here was normal sized.

"Halt!" A voice called out as several flat figures ran into view.

"Well at least I can see who's shouting at us this time," Odin muttered as he studied the figures. They were giant cards... Or perhaps given his current stature, normal sized cards. They each had a small head protruding from the top and short thin arms and legs. Each of them was armed with a spear.

"Who's trespassing in the queen's garden?" The card soldier demanded.

"We're not trespassing!" Calex protested. "I think..."

"Uhhhh better leave this part to me..." Odin pushed the kitten behind him. "What the kitten meant to say is we're here on official business. Name is Odin Ashcroft. I'm a private investigator and I have no legal authority but nonetheless I am in pursuit of a highly dangerous criminal who is in the area. That means right now all of you are interfering in an official unofficial investigation."

"Uh huh" the guard said clearly not convinced. "Maybe we'll just see what the queen has to say about that."

"A wonderful idea!" The wolf's eyes lit up. He had a plan. "I would love to get her involved. After all I'm sure she would love to know why you're hindering our investigation. It's like you want the criminal to get away. Tell me... What's the punishment for aiding a criminal?" Odin crossed his arms and gave the unfriendliest of smiles. "And is it better or worse than the punishment for wasting the queen's time?"

"That um well..." The card soldier took a step back. He was mentally trying to work out which course of action was more likely to earn the queen's ire.

Unfortunately for everyone present. He didn't have to. The sound of a trumpet blowing echoes through the garden. A large red carpet rolled out seemingly by its own covering the grass. A white rabbit carrying a trumpet in one hand and a pocket watch in the other ran out across the carpet.

"Odin!" Calex poked at the wolf.

"I see him..." Odin replied.

"Ahem!" The white rabbit cleared his throat. "Announcing the great, the clever, the beautiful, the kind and the most popular in all of Wonderland! The Queen of Hearts!'

"And so humble too," Odin muttered as the kitten giggled.

The Queen of Hearts then made her appearance as she marched down the red carpet. She was a broad human woman. One best described as large and in charge. She wore a dress with a pattern of cards with an enormous heart shapes collar around her neck.

"What is the meaning of this!?" The Queen bellowed. "Why are there scruffy animals within my garden!?"

"We're not scruffy!" Calex protested.

"Easy Calex..." The wolf placed a hand on the kitten' a shoulder. "Remember she's a queen. We don't want to cause an international incident. Let's use our words."

"Ugh if you want to be boring," Calex groaned but fell silent.

"Your royal highness," Odin took a bow. "I am but a humble official unofficial keeper of the peace. I'm here simply to apprehend a criminal that has committed a horrible crime. I assure you, I do not mean to take up more of your time than needed! I will simply arrest the criminal and leave. Surely one of your status should not be made to suffer the presence of a petty thief."

"Is that so?" The Queen eyed the wolf uneasily. "And what makes you think I would suffer such a person in my kingdom? Do you take me for such a fool that I would allow a thief to exist here?" As she spoke two of the card soldiers lifted their spears in warning.

"Of course not!" Odin tried to backpedal. "I simply meant a woman of your status shouldn't have to lower herself to such a menial task! I merely wish to take care of this ugly problem for you, out of respect."

"Is that so?" The Queen asked. "Fine I'll hear you out. Tell me then, who is this thief?"

"I'm glad you asked." Odin smiled. "For the culprit is right before us." The wolf pointed a finger at the rabbit. "It was you!"

"Whaaaaaaaaat!?" The rabbit failed about in shock as a button popped off his waistcoat. "There must be some mistake I haven't stolen everything!"

"Sorry but that lie won't work here!" Odin smiled. "I'm afraid both me and my partner witnessed you at the scene of the crime... In fact we followed you here from there which..." Odin paused. "Speaking of which how are you still wearing your waistcoat after drinking the shrinking potion?"

"Oh I always pack a spare smaller coat backup coat when I travel," the White Rabbit explained.

"Ah I see..." Odin then resumed his accusation. "Either way you were caught red handed! Give up the act!"

"A thief within my own court!?" The Queen of Hearts clenched her hand into a fist. "I will not suffer it! Off with his head!"

"But my queen!" The White Rabbit protested. "I assure you that this is some mistake! He hasn't even said what I've stolen!"

"And that was your last mistake," Odin's grin turned predatory. "For the stolen item is none other than the watch you currently hold!" As the wolf spoke he pointed at the rabbit again. He was suddenly aware that it had gotten very quiet.

"Fool!" The Queen bellowed. "That's the official timekeeping watch! He has it every day! It couldn't have been stolen."

"Whaaaaat!?" Odin recoiled. "How is that possible. We saw him take it from the crime sight."

"Oh dear oh dear," the White Rabbit fretted. "I'm afraid this is all a huge misunderstanding. I'm afraid I was the one who reported the watch stolen."

"I'm sorry what?" Odin gave the rabbit a blank stare.

"Ah you see I own the watch shop," the White Rabbit explained. "I lost the watch and thought it had been stolen... But after I filed the report I found it in the bushes... I realized that I was running late so I didn't have time to call in and cancel my report."

"Huh" Odin rubbed his chin. "That would explain why there was no break in... Guess I owe you an apology. Heh this was just a waste of time then." The wolf rubbed the back of his head.

"UNACCEPTABLE!" The Queen gave a shout. "Wasting the queen's time is a capital offense! Off with all their heads!" The guards raised their spears.

"Odin..." Calex whispered worried.

"Um well erm.. Wait!' Odin shouted. "It was all um a play!"

"A play?" The Queen asked.

"Yes a play!" Odin was making it up as he goes. "A really highly intellectual play! Most people wouldn't be smart enough to understand it... But the stories of your great intellect out legendary! If there's anyone in all the land who could understand this postmodern production it's you!"

"I see..." The Queen calmed down slightly. "Well of course I get it... but it's not very good!"

"Yes well... It's not over yet! There's still the final act... where... Our hero!" The wolf shoved Calex in front of him. "Defeats both our villains guilty of the heinous crime of wasting the queen's time!"

"I do what!?" Calex looked uncertain. "I mean um... In the name of justice!" The kitten jumped in the air and swatted the wolf's nose. "Boop!"

"Alas! I am slain!" Odin collapsed to the ground. The kitten then scrambled over to the White Rabbit.

"Boop!" He gave the rabbit a swat on the nose too.

"Oh no!" Seeing this as his best choice to survive the rabbit chose to play along. "I die!" He fell over to the ground.

"The evil has been defeated!" Calex shouted. "All hail the Queen of Darts!"

"Hearts!" Odin hissed.

"Hearts!" Calex repeated. With that the 'performer's froze and looked to the queen waiting to see how she's act.

"Well it's not great." The Queen replied. "But it's passable. Personally I think the execution scene should have been more violent."

"Um yes but there were children present, Odin explained as he stood up.

"I'm impressionable!" Calex flashed a huge smile.

"Quite," the Queen rolled her eyes. "Very well take a token of my appreciation and be on your way." As she spoke a card soldier walked up to Odin and handed him a single coin. It looked suspiciously like a plastic poker change."

"Thank you my wonderful gracious queen." Odin bowed then grabbed the kitten and quickly pulled him away. He waited till they were well out of the garden before speaking first. "I can't believe we pulled that off."

"Well all's well that ends well right?" Calex asked.

"Well yeah..." Odin hesitated. "Accept we didn't get paid. We're still tiny. And I have no idea how we're going to get back up that big ol' hole."

"It's okay Odin I believe in you!" Calex beamed up to the wolf.

"Well at least one of us does." The wolf ruffled the kitten's head fur. "Alright let's find a way back home."

The End