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_ Part 12 _

It had taken forever and a day to get ourselves to the airport. At seven that morning, I figured peeling myself off my hostel bed would be the toughest part of my day, especially after the less than sensible night we'd enjoyed before. If only.

Picking up our boarding passes for the flight back to Bolstrovo, shuffling to security with baggage in tow, the realisation set in; we still had half a day of travel at least ahead. I hoped the six hours we'd be cooped up for would be enough to get some sleep.

"Hey, Kaz!" Sasha called, waddling through the crowd, gripping the top of his trousers for dear life. "Wait up."

"Man, put your belt on."

"Gonna," he moaned, fur scruffy, eyes tired and red. "If you gimme a chance."

"I'm not going anywhere." I turned back to the bench I'd set my bag atop. "I just came over to repack my stuff."

He peered over to the mess the agents had made of it. "Good to see Linvendian security hasn't chilled out any."

"Hey, at least it's the last time we'll have to deal with it."

"And thank the gods for that." He worked at fastening up his belt, letting out a forceful yawn in the process. "Damn. Going to that beach party was a mistake."

"You think?"

"Hey, I didn't hear you complaining."

"Never said I did." Trolley repacked and reorganised, I readied myself to stumble on along the terminal hall. "I guess I didn't expect it to go on until after midnight."

"A party, on Marueta Beach." He hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder. "And you didn't expect it to go on 'til after midnight?"

"Yeah, yeah." My bag hit the ground with a thud. I towed it away, leaving Sasha to chase. "I wasn't thinking straight."

"I know that." I could hear his smirk above the crowd around us. "Too busy thinking about that cute pandagirl you've been chasing after."

"I haven't been chasing after anything."

"Yeah, right." He rushed to catch me, matching my stride to sing deep into my ear. "Oh, Kaz. I love your accent."

"Get fucked."

"Did thanks."

"And don't I know all about it." I couldn't trap my grumbling. "Guess she finally felt sorry enough for you to just get it over with."

"Excuse you. 'Sorry' ain't got a damn thing to do with it." We passed in front of a huge window, reaching from the floor to the ceiling. It offered a perfect view of the aircraft stands and the sunset-washed hills beyond. "At least it's looking like you're finally over Eva."

"I've been over Eva for ages," I growled. "You're the one who keeps bringing her back up."

"If you say so."

I batted him away, much to his laugh filled pleasure. It probably sounds bizarre, but all this shittalking... I enjoyed it. For the first time in days, I almost felt normal. Close to how things were before.

Walking on down this wide, apparently never-ending corridor on our way to our gate, the memory of Victory Hill was never far away. The rawness remained if I prodded myself for too long, but these last three fantastic days in Estordor had done a whole lot to help soothe me.

Looking to Sasha from the corner of my eye, seeing that sneering, playful grin still hanging, I wanted to thank him. If we'd never done it, if we'd stuck around Arlone the whole damn time, allowed me to mope and mourn, gods only knew what state I'd have been right about then.

We made it to Gate 54 after twenty minutes of brisk walking; hardly enough time for my feet to start throbbing as hard as my sleep starved head.

The ten minute call to boarding sounded as we scanned our passes. Damn, even with the previous week's experience as a yardstick, security had taken way longer than I expected. No matter. We'd made it. I could drop down and take a seat for a few minutes at least.

Sasha sat down next to me, kicking a leg up to rest on his knee. "Happy I talked you into Estordor?"

"Yeah," I replied, studying a few of the other passengers in their waiting seats opposite. "It was decent."

"Only decent? The way you were getting into it, dragging us to clubs and bars every evening--"

"Uh, what? 'Dragging' did you say? I damn sure didn't need to do much dragging."

"Alright, alright." Up went his paws. "Fine, I'll admit. I got into the party scene just as much."

"Thank you."

"That still doesn't mean I wasn't worried about convincing you to leave today."

"Okay." I chuckled. "I'll level with you. It was more than decent. I had a real good time."

"Good." He sat back, arms folded and eyes closed. "I said you would."

"That you did."

A little otter, barely more than a pup, rushed on past us, giggling. His sister came after in hot pursuit, screaming over the doll dangling from his paws.

"Settle down," their Dad grumbled from his seat opposite, filling the waiting area with Bolstrovan-accented Velikan.

"Teo," their Ma snapped from beside him. "Give Katia her doll back. Now."

After so long out here, it was good to hear our language again. Speaking with our Arlone hotel receptionist aside, it'd been a whole week of thinking twice on everything I said. Just another reason I looked forward to getting back to familiar shores. For the time being at least, I figured it best that we toned down our voices. The specifics of our late night adventures in Estordor probably weren't best suited to impressionable ears.

"Hey," I leaned towards Sasha. "While we're tossing out 'I told you so's, I told you you'd enjoy the electronica clubs more than you thought."

He squirmed in his seat, puffing out his cheeks, doing everything to avoid admitting my resounding victory. "Yeah, yeah. They were pretty okay."

"Pretty okay?"

"Alright!" Up shot his paws in fake outrage. "I had a blast."

"Good. I'm glad... And I told you so."

"Still think I'd prefer a rock show."

"Of course."

"But some of those sets were full on fun." His eyes crept my way, sly smirk emerging. "Music wasn't completely terrible, either."

"Damn. That's high praise indeed, coming from you."

He bumped my arm. "I'll have to drag you along to a Common Castles show if they ever play anywhere close to home."

"Fine." I nudged back. "Guess I owe you that much."

Speakers around us crackled. Everyone's ears raised or pricked towards them, hearing the call to board the eight-fifteen Sovereign Air flight to Sturanja. My stomach dropped.

The roar of several hundred people standing and filing into position went up. Sasha and I did our part, helping to form the queue that would see our final steps on Polcian soil. My head skewed like I'd stood up too fast. Excitement, nervousness, sorrow, fear: I struggled somewhere between them all. Not even a three day beachfront blowout could save me from myself.

We shuffled along to our seats way to the back of the plane, dumping our bags into the overhead before someone else claimed what room remained for themselves. Paws free, I crammed myself into the window seat, leaving Sasha space to settle down beside me. No shock to find the legroom on offer just as tight as the reverse leg. Cheap tickets, I reminded myself. At least I hadn't broken the bank to subject myself to all of this.

"You kept her number, right?"

"What?" Sasha's glare suggested I should've known right away what he meant. "Who?"

"Pandagirl from Estordor!"

"Oh." I pushed out a laugh, fingers rubbing between my temple and forehead. "Got it."

"Man, you ain't forgotten about her already?"

"Nah, no. I haven't forgot about Tara."

"So did you?" He spread his arms as much as our limited space allowed. "Did you keep her number?"

"Saved in my phone."

"Gonna call her up?"

I turned away. The window offered me alternate view, down to the baggage carts and support vehicles whizzing around the tarmac. "Not sure."

"What!? Hell, if you don't, I will."

"And what about that vixen you were oh so into?"

"What about her?"

"Man." I tsked back at him. "You've got no shame."

"No shame. Just options."

My laugh came easier that time. "Typical fox."

"Hey now." His smiled taunted. "Less of the speciesism."

"Speciesism? You wear that shit like a badge of honour."

"Look." He slapped a paw to my shoulder. "No need to get cranky, Pandaboy. We'll be off this plane in no time. Then we can find you a nice tree to climb."

"Oh, will we? Really?"

"Of course."

"A nice big one?"

"Maybe even two of them." He patted my arm. "One for you, and another to fit all that sarcasm."

"Oh, you're so good to me. What a lucky 'panda I am."

He scoffed back into his seat, sneaking his muzzle between index and little fingers.

I settled down too, breaking from the banter to watch and listen to the other passengers readying themselves for take off. The attendants were on patrol as well, offering customs slips for non-citizens heading to Bolstrovo as their final destination. I was glad to wave them on. With how heavy my eyes were getting down in this seat, any attempt at motor control would've been a stretch. All I felt fit for was to sit back, relax and hope this flight would pass quickly and smoothly.

I made myself jump. Spasmed in my seat. It took a second to remember my place on the plane... Guess the weight of my eyes had grown more than I could handle, because suddenly everyone was seated and we'd begun to taxi.

Sasha's elbow bumped me. Then again. The third got me peering over to spot him hunched over, as if in the brace position. "What are you doing?"

He grunted, still rocking the seat beneath us with his struggle. A few yanks later, he brought himself back upright, holding one hell of a hefty book in his grasp.

"Where'd_that_ come from?"

"Bag." "When'd you get that?

"Bought it earlier, at Arlone station. During our wait to change trains."

I leaned over for a better look at the title. 'Conflict in Pre-Union Polcia'.

"Sounded interesting." He opened the first page to a map showing all the countries of Polcia. "Figured it might help me practice my Polcian some more, too. Once we got back home."

"Damn." My chuckling had him looking at me sideways. "And you _hated_history class at school."

"No, I hated Mr. Marin's dull as hell class."

"Fair. Mister Charisma, he wasn't."

"Got that right." He seemed to be studying that map awful close. Practically staring at it. "To be honest, I kinda been thinking..."

"About?"

"All the stuff you've been saying about history and all--"

"I've just been kidding around with ya--"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I ain't upset or nothing. The opposite, actually. It's been on my mind for a good damn while."

I shook the cobwebs from my head. "Sorry man, I don't follow."

"I'm thinking real hard on the idea of getting into it all a bit more, y'know?"

"History?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"I dunno..." I saw his ears fold. "Much as I say I don't give a damn about what I do for a job, selling electric components to plane companies is... up there with Mr. Marin's classes." He flicked through a bunch of pages, muzzle lifting to show me his pleasure. "Maybe I could do something with this instead."

"What... Like a teacher?"

"Maybe. Or some kinda historian." We each gripped our armrests; the plane made its final turn onto the runway. "Guess I'll have to think more on it all when I'm not tired... and hungover as hell."

"Well, hey. If that's really something you wanna do, I think it'd be cool."

"Yeah." His cheeks lifted, beaming bright. "It's like you were talking about. Maybe there's more in Zelengorod for me, too."

I shared in his smile, leaving him space to drift away and bury himself deep in his new book. My ears rose to the sound of the engines ramping up. A gradual force helped settle me back before I had the chance to do so myself.

Outside, more and more of the terminal building raced out view, shaking and rattling with our increasing speed. Engine noise peaked. Everything lurched, then lifted. Smooth sailing ahead once we separated from the tarmac.

We left the airport to sink away, rising up for a better view of the surrounding town under evening's fading light. Beyond the streets and houses, the warehouses and factories, the train line we'd arrived on curved off towards the hills and forests. Towards the sprawling, dominating carpet of light that was Arlone. Towards my blood relatives.

Even at the height of our partying on the coast, they never lingered too far beneath the surface. No matter how high my defenses, they always found a way to invade my thoughts all over again.

What exactly had I hoped to get out of this? What did I expect my return home after the event to look like? If I could do things again, do things somehow better, would it have gone any differently? Really? Could this have ever been a success? Or was this just... fate?

We banked away, leaving only the violet sky in view on our turn towards the ocean. No matter what I'd wanted to gain from this trip, the way things played out, the way we were kicked out and told to disappear from my mother's life all over again, it stung like the heaviest, bitterest defeat.

---

"It's all the same. Everything's just how we left it."

"It's only been a week," Sasha replied, joining me on the front path of my house. "Don't think much was ever gonna change in that space of time."

"Probably not." The chirping of birds rang out from the trees, early afternoon sun warming the back of my neck. "Feels like a whole lot more than just a week, though."

"Yeah, seriously." He grumbled. It looked a struggle to haul the strap of his bag back up onto his shoulder. "Feels like most of it was just spent getting back home again."

"Only a little over a day since we left Estordor."

"Don't remind me. I think my paws are gonna fall off."

I pointed down at the moving walkway. "At least you've got help getting the rest of the way home."

"Thank the gods," Sasha said with barely more than a mumble. "It's good to be back. Back where everything's normal."

I drew in air, breathing in the smell of springtime. "Back to where everything's bigger. Back to wearing a Normaliser. Back to where you need to be a little more alert rolling down the street, just in case."

"Exactly," he shot back. "Normal."

We shared a snort and a snicker at the idea. Admittedly, it was good to be back in my hometown. Back to where everyone, barring the most ignorant of Polcian immigrants, spoke some level of Velikan. Back to where I could look across the street, above the houses opposite mine, and see the tops of the skyscrapers downtown, across the river. They were bigger than those in Arlone, but with fewer storeys. Normal. "So what now?"

"I don't know 'bout you, but I'm going home to get some sleep."

"At two in the afternoon?"

"If you think imma have any chance at lasting 'til tonight, you're very much mistaken."

"Fair shout." We rose our arms in unison, slapping and clasping our paws to share one final hug of the trip. A measure longer than usual. "Take it easy."

"You too, man."

"Thanks, too." I gripped his paw tighter. "For everything."

"Any time." He patted my shoulder as we parted. "You know I got your back. Always."

"Likewise."

"I know, Pandaboy." Sasha didn't miss the chance for another signature smirk, stepping back to ride the walkway on home. "Catch you here tomorrow for work?"

"If I must," I groaned. "Gonna wash out your fur dye before that?"

"Nah."

"Will the office mind?" He shrugged. "Fuck 'em."

I spat out my amusement, starting to turn to make my own way. Sasha's shouting stopped me.

"Forgot to say! Niko finally got back to us."

"Oh? Damn... I forgot we'd messaged him."

"Yeah, only a week ago." Still rolling, he glanced at his phone. "He's back home visiting in a couple weeks. Wants to know if we'd be up for something that weekend."

"Cool!" My whole body lifted. Bizarre for such a small thing to make such a big impact, I thought. "I'll jump into the chat once I get settled."

Sasha raised a fist in approval, disappearing off behind Mr. Boyko's front hedge. "Later, Kaz."

And then there was one. My Velikan-sized home had always loomed large from down here. Today, it seemed to stand twice as high and three times as wide. Twenty four hours and a few thousand miles had led up to this.

I pulled my trolley close, starting it bumping along behind me as I embarked upon the final stage of my journey.

The aroma of fresh cut grass wafted across my path. Maybe this is what Dad was up to when I called up from Arlone last week. Our lawn practically glowed in the sunlight, the sole shadow coming from the old birch tree towering over me. The same birch that Art used to enjoy climbing. Nadia and Luka, too, once they were old enough. Climbing the trees here bordered on the impossible for someone my size, but I was always fortunate enough to have them around to carry me along... albeit only a short ways up, on our parents' insistence. I guess that's why Dad decided to plant those pink and yellow flowered shrubs around it; to give me something to climb around in as well. Not that it worked. More often than not, I'd insist on scrambling around the base of the birch tree, biting off more than I could chew while Art swung around in the branches above. What I'd give to get those days back.

I reached the front step, powering with sore legs up to the top of my ramp beside it. I'd made it back. Back to our porch here in the gentle heat and sweet air of The Roscha. This should have been cause for celebration, or at least a deep, keen sigh of satisfaction. So why the hesitation? Why did my legs freeze here at the edge of home?

I gazed at the smaller front door ahead of me. Quiet, unassuming, just like the larger one to its side. This should have bought relief. I could head inside, settle in and finally stop fighting the fatigue threatening to steal away my balance. Instead, I stood here, paws rubbing and rolling around. The warmth from the sky had long lost its intensity, blocked off in part by our birch tree. I was home. I was safe. I should've been happy... but knowing all that had happened. This was gonna be tough.

With as deep a breath as I could take, I willed myself calm. I'd spoken to my parents on the phone. This would be just the same. They were my family. Real family. I hadn't let anyone down.

Legs like concrete, feet like blocks, I hauled my way forward. Step by step, I moved past the welcome mat, making it to the scaled down version beside it. The chilly door handle pricked at my pads. Like a warning, almost. Another slow, measured breath. Anxiety at entering my own home had to be the stupidest state I'd ever got myself entangled in. I held that thought close. Weaponised it. The twist of my keys shifted the mechanism. A shove of my arm allowed me inside.

Stillness. No sound. No movement. Nothing. The drawn curtains cast the living room in a dank shadow. Even the television sat silent. Not a single sign of life to be found here.

"Hello?" I entered fully, forcing off my shoes and dragging my jacket from my shoulders. "Anyone home?"

Maybe not. My shoes looked awfully small; the only pair on our otherwise empty rest mat. Had everyone headed out somewhere? My parents knew I was coming home today... I didn't expect a grand welcome or anything like that, of course. Just a welcome of some description would have been nice. After everything...

The door clunked closed behind me. Trolley still in tow, I padded further across the carpet, heading past the couch, towards the hallway. The house was all but abandoned. In normal circumstances, I'd head to my room, relax, and get up to whatever took my fancy. Even if that meant crashing out and curling up on my bed. If only for those so called normal circumstances.

At least my thoughts revelled in the dead quiet. Whether it came because of, or in spite of my exhaustion, everything played that much louder and clearer on my mind.

How could I simply stroll back in here, acting as if nothing had happened? Pretending I'd been on nothing more than a holiday. A getaway.

The carpet of the living room became the hardwood of the hallway. My trolley bumped onto it, rumbling as it followed. I owed my parents better. How could I have been so stupid to think this would work? Did I really believe I'd be able to just turn up, out of the blue on my birth family's doorstep. Have them welcome me with open arms, back into their lives? Is that even what I wanted, deep down? Gods, I'd failed everyone. Myself included.

"Kazimir?" Ma's voice stopped me halfway to my room, sounding from somewhere back in the living room. "Is that you? Are you home?"

"It's me."

"Where are you?" The excitement kicked her voice up three notches at least.

"Hallway."

I stood there waiting. This'd be the first time I'd seen her in a week. Such a short time... felt so, so long.

With steady, cautious steps, Ma appeared from where I'd walked. She beamed down at me, cutting through the gloom while her black and grey tail swished behind. My tired, overworked head struggled to set the spark that would think up what to say. As if I really needed to.

"You're back!" she cried. "We weren't expecting you yet."

"I said Sunday--"

"Late afternoon you told us."

Did I? I must have. "The train back to Zelengorod was pretty fast, I guess--"

"Oh, come here." Ma found another notch to hit, padding over with arms out for me. My neck craned higher and higher. I had to admit to my own tail starting a sway as she reached to gather me up. "Welcome home."

"Thanks, Ma." Down I sat, leaving my trolley beside the wall as I filled her cupped paws. "Where is everyone?"

My seat tipped towards her neck, hugging me deep into the warmth of her fur. "They're out in the back garden."

The racing of my mind slowed. Quick as they came, the worries grew distant. I spread my arms to return her embrace. "How come?"

"It was your father's idea." Ma eased me back into the open, bumping her nose to my neck as I went. She hadn't done that for years... "The weather's so nice, and what with you coming back today, and Artur arriving home yesterday, he decided it would be a good excuse to fire up the barbecue pit. We started setting up not ten minutes ago--"

"Wait, Art's back?"

"Yes!" Her smile stretched, head tipping to one side. "For study leave. We told you that last week, when you phoned. The same time you told us you'd be home late this afternoon."

"...Right."

"Do you remember any of that conversation?"

"I thought I did." I chuckled, unable to do anything but match the joy in her expression. "Maybe I had more to drink than I thought that day."

Ma turned, pacing back towards the living room. "I hope you did more than just drink on your holiday."

Needles dug deep. Fur rose and ears splayed. "Did a lot."

"Good." We rounded the couch, heading past the front door and into the kitchen. "I expect to hear all about it. The same goes for the others as well, I'm sure."

"Okay... Great."

---

Ma carried us out through our side door, down onto the driveway. The warm sun welcomed me back outside. As did the sound of raised, cheerful voices from our rear garden. With just a few more steps, Ma took us there to join them.

"Look who I found trying to sneak back to his room."

Everyone turned to us. Ears pricked, tails flicked and smiles grew. An loud, enthusiastic chorus of greetings followed.

Luka and Nadia watched from our patio, gathered around the outdoor table. My brother jumped up onto his feet, glasses glinting in the sun as he approached. My sister even put down her phone for me before coming over to join us.

Out on the lawn, Dad was neck deep in the barbecue pit, yanking away, tail lashing. Trying to fix something, I figured. Art was right there with him, and it took my oldest younger brother prodding his side again and again to finally draw his attention. Dad, fur dirtied and ruffled from his work, looked delighted for the interruption.

Before I could blink, I had black masked grey faces blocking the sky. The loss of the sun didn't affect the warmth any. The roaring of voices continued, droning into one, showing no signs of stopping. My tail flicked around of its own accord, hanging out from and brushing the outside of Ma's paws.

"Hi, Brother," sang Nadia, giving a wide arcing wave.

Luka bounced beside her, sending out questions so thick and fast that I could barely follow. "When'd you get back, what did you see, where'd you go..."

Dad approached, his wider frame adding to my shelter. He said nothing, letting his toothy grin do all his speaking for him. I reached out a paw, waiting for a finger to shake. Instead, to my brow-raising surprise, Dad wasted no time in reaching out to hug me into the side of his silver-flecked muzzle. "Welcome home, Kaz."

"Thanks, Dad." I set my muzzle upon his, tugging an arm free to give a squeeze of my own. My tail swayed faster. His happy grumble rattled through me.

Last, but not least, came Art... I'd not seen him for almost four months, back when he was home for New Year's festival. He stood a shade taller but far slimmer than Dad, sporting a thick patch of fur on the underside of his chin. A far cry from the moody teenager I shared a room with before venturing off on my own university adventure... Almost five years ago.

He offered out a finger, tempting me to reach out to grasp his pad. His sudden jab a ways further prodded at my gut. I grunted, Art laughed.

"Good to see you again, little big bro." He bent down, tugging me into yet another huge hug against his own muzzle. "Been a while."

"Same, man." I delivered a hard slap to the side of his nose, doing little more than tickling a raccoon his size, no doubt. Art's hearty laugh and firmer squeeze backed that up. I did my best to hold him even tight.

The happy grey parted to let the sunshine pour back in. I barely noticed it, still wrapped up in the attentions of my family. I hadn't expected all this. My ears fought between raising and folding, tail between waving and tucking. Being centre of attention both elated and embarrassed, all at once.

"So?" Luka's impatience turned us all towards him. "What did you do? Where did you go?"

Folding ears won out. A static started in my head.

"Yes," added Ma. "I hope you got lots of pictures."

She knew nothing of the out she gave me. The escape route she offered. I grabbed hold of it regardless. "A few."

"Only a few?"

"Okay, maybe more than a few." I grinned up from her paws.

"Can we see them?"

"What, now?"

"Why not?" Dad looked up from me and to my sister. "Nadia, go grab your phone. I have my link cable in my pocket."

That was that; my family had spoken. We all headed over to the patio table. My parents, my brothers and my sister took their seats around me, watching me take mine at the smaller version atop it.

With Nadia's help and Dad's cable, I hooked my phone up with her's. A swipe and a tap took me to my picture gallery, with a repeat bringing up the first photo I'd taken on my trip. The same image flashed up on her screen, allowing my family a view without the need to squint down at mine.

Widening eyes and growing smiles, murmurs of surprise and rumbles of approval; their reactions to the throwaway photos I'd taken on our arrival went way above what I expected. First came the airport terminal, complete with Sasha scowling over the border guards a few minutes prior. The train to Arlone came next, along with a few of the towns and villages we passed along the way. They all paved the way for my first 'proper' photos, taken from deep in the bustling heart of Arlone.

"It's funny seeing you places where you're not tiny," Art jeered, bumping a finger up against my chin.

"Tiny?" I tried pushing it away, only earning myself another poke to the stomach. "You're just too big for your own good."

"If you say so." Art snickered along with me. They others did, too.

"Have you seen how many people got dyed fur?" Nadia called, no doubt still trying to justify her purple streaks. Ma's glare and Dad's indifference shut her right back down again.

Luka meanwhile scooted closer, gusting warm air over me as he peered down at my screen.

"Isn't Nadia's phone easier?"

"Obviously." He smirked, hitting me with a full body blast from his nostrils. "This is more fun, though."

I cuffed him on the nose, leaning past to stare up at Art. "Looks like I've got myself another you to deal with."

"Gotta have someone to cover for me while I'm not around."

I groaned, both at him, and at Luka batting my tail.

"Come on," demanded my not-so-smallest brother. "Show us more."

Back to the screens we went. I swiped through more and more of the photos I'd taken during the trip, surprising myself over just how many I'd ended up collecting. After the arrival in Arlone came our first day wandering the city. All the towering buildings, the shimmering steel and glinting glass. The old town came after, where Arlone's courthouse and other historical sites came to the fore. Our open top bus tour was next up, including the shadow of that defensive wall, the graveyard, and other remnants of the Polcian Conflict. Those photos were the hardest to explain... but my pictures from atop Unity Tower helped stop the mood from falling too far.

Even I cracked a smile at the view we got of Arlone from that observation deck. The whole city practically visible, stretching as far as the eye could see.

Everyone crept closer, hiding me from the sky again. The impression it made was audible, shallow gasps and whispered 'wow's seeping out from all directions.

I left them to discuss and debate those snaps from up high, trying to figure out how the heights would compare for Velikans their size.

"Either way, you'd still be pretty high up," I said, continuing further through my gallery. "Even Art would be tiny compared to some of those buildings."

"Never as tiny as you, though." I snorted at his prodding of my back, recalling and promptly ignoring the gap between my photos of Arlone and those of our journey across Estordor's northern plains.

I finished up with what few images I had of the Kostaldeas. White sandy beaches, crystal clear waters and bright blue skies gave way to the neon party of downtown Marueta by night. Still, just like they had been from the start, my whole family sat close,watching over me, hanging on my every word. They wanted to know what I had to say. They wanted to see what I'd experienced. They cared.

"And that's that," I announced. "Sasha's got more pictures. A lot more of the historical stuff. I'm sure he'll post them up online at some point."

"Well, it certainly looks and sounds like you both had a great time," Ma declared.

Dad leaned in, his joy only too clear. "How does it feel to be back?"

Five pairs of masked eyes all focused in. The spotlight grew bright enough for me to forget all about the sun it blocked.

"Yeah. I enjoyed Polcia, for the most part." Ma's head cocked. Dad's brow furrowed. My brothers and sister, too, seemed set to dwell on those last few words. "I'm glad to be back."

"And we're glad to have you back." Ma brushed a finger through my head fur. All this affection. I'd have usually found too much to deal with. I'd have sunk down and wanted to hide in embarrassment. What a difference a week can make.

"Okay." Dad clapped his paws together. "Since Kazimir is home early, we may as well get started."

Rumbles and chitters of contentment rolled out all around me. Ma and Dad meanwhile turned to each other, holding their gaze for more than a moment. The happy chatter continued. Was I the only one to notice?

"Luka, Nadia." Ma's attention returned to the table. "Please could you start bringing out the plates and bowls I left on the side?"

"Artur," Dad added. "Go grab the meat out from the fridge."

The cheery sounds ended, replaced instead by faint murmurs of resignation.

"Please. We'll be in to help in a moment."

Huffs and groans rang out. My siblings all rose from the table, one by one leaving me here alone with our parents. Something was up.

I watched them, then they watched me, offering nothing as to their mindsets. So much for the calmness and warm welcome of home. My mind kicked into overdrive. What were they about to drop?

"You both look like you've got something to say," I said, keeping it as offhanded as possible. It didn't do much to win a smile from either of them.

"I could say the same of you," Dad retorted.

"Is everything alright?"

They glanced at each other again. That wasn't doing much to settle me, that's for damn sure.

"What's wrong?"

Ma sighed, at last managing to smile. "Nothing's wrong."

"Gods." My sigh outmatched her's. "You had me worried."

"Worry has been our default setting this last week," said Dad, corner of his mouth rising.

"I was careful." Well... I was, mostly. Best not to mention the chase from the bar in Arlone.

"We know," Ma conceded. "We're just happy to know that you're glad to be back."

That pushed me back in my seat. "Why?"

The chirping birds served as background noise, as did the occasional passing car out front, and the cheering of kids playing in a neighbour's garden. I didn't push my parents to add to it. Whatever they were sharing was something difficult.

"We missed you," Dad declared. "A lot."

They left me there waiting, wondering. Was that it? There had to be more. Their eyes told as much.

"Knowing that you're so far away, in a place that we can't go..."

He trailed off, leaving Ma to finish for him. "It makes it feel so much more distant."

I could sense myself tensing, even as I steeled against it. My tail had long stopped swaying, tightening to find a hiding space beneath my chair. Of course I expected them to worry and miss me, but sitting here, hearing them, brought it home. That in itself would've been more than enough to contend with, but having to sit here with them watching, knowing full well the ulterior motive I'd travelled with... It sliced my insides to ribbons. My secret was an awful one to keep, but what choice did I have? Could I honestly bring myself to admit it?

All through their concern, their sadness for me leaving in the first place, they never lost that warmth. Their care, and their willingness still, just like before, to wait for me and no doubt hang on every word I may or may not say. It was genuine. They were genuine. Far more so than any so called blood relative.

I'd spent enough time within myself. My parents I'm sure would have waited forever for my response. My thoughts. They didn't have that long. None of us did.

"I enjoyed the trip. I enjoyed seeing someplace new, the place of my ancestry and all. But I missed... here."

It took a sharp eye and the benefit of my size to notice the rise in their expressions. As my parents lifted, so too did I. We carried each other along with us.

"I think going there... kinda helps you realise that, sure, I might fit in more in Polcia, in a literal sense, but this here is what I know. It's what I'm used to. I fit in better here in a whole lot of other ways."

My parents continued to lift, continued to brighten. Ears perked up, smiles grew. Down here, I'd stopped part way. My happiness at theirs could only carry me so far. I couldn't grow without the foundations below cracking and crumbling away.

"What's wrong?"

The faltering inside had spread enough to become clear to Ma. Both she and Dad leaned closer, dipping towards me and my seat.

I couldn't be sure of the source, not exactly. The shame and sorrow for my mistakes was like an infection that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard I willed it. My fall and the tears on Old Mill Road came back to me. Why I felt so compelled to torture myself so readily, I wanted so hard to know. That night, I had Sasha to help me from the floor. On this day, to my fortune, I had my parents.

The same damp warmth that formed that night returned, escaping down my cheeks in spite of my best efforts to stop it. With the biggest voice I could muster, I whimpered out the smallest, "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Ma's paw reached out. Dad's, too. They lifted me up together.

"For worrying you." I tried to breath in, catching my own quivering sadness. "For not talking to you more about this before. My trip."

"We worry ourselves about all of you," Dad replied, rubbing a free finger down my back. "That won't ever stop."

"It's our job to," Ma added. "Just like we worry about Artur now he's away at university. Even if he's only across the city." She wiped a finger pad over my cheek, smiling. "And you're a grown man now. You're going to be off doing your own things, and that's okay. But don't ever be afraid to talk to us. About anything."

I sat there in silence, letting their words ring out and help clear the noise from my head. I had no problem leaning in against Ma's muzzle, nor pulling Dad's closer to hug him, too. If I could lift myself, then I could count on them to help me.

"Is that all?" Ma's surprise didn't go unnoticed to me. "Nothing else upsetting you?"

No. It would be a long road from here, no doubt. I couldn't, wouldn't simply forget about what I'd put myself through in Arlone, but I hoped... I knew I couldn't let it break me. For now, I didn't need to tell them, and they didn't need to know. In a way, they deserved not to. Maybe the time to talk about my birth parents would come tomorrow, or next week, or some other day in the future. But not yet. In that moment, all my parents needed to know, and all I needed to tell them came right from the heart.

"I really missed you all." I pulled my real parents closer, until I could rest my muzzle to theirs together. "It's so good to be home."

Both Ma and Dad pressed against me, wrapping me up with their fingers and their noses all at once. My grumbling almost equalled theirs for volume. I'm sure we matched each other for emotion.

"Ma!" Nadia called across the garden, letting it carry until we all turned towards the house. "Luka's not helping."

"Am, too," he barked from inside.

"You're not!"

"Okay, okay." Ma held up her free paw. "We're coming. Hold on."

"Real glad to be home, guys," Art said, smirking away as he carried a batch of meat out from the kitchen.

Dad turned back to me. "Do you mind if we leave you for a moment?"

"Sure. It's fine."

My parents beamed down together, lowering me in tandem back to my seat atop the table.

"Luka, you're such a little jerk!"

"Shuddup."

Both my youngest siblings carried on their whining, forcing our parents into a fast walk around to the side door. Not even that could stop the wide sway of their tails, mind.

"Yeah, you just sit back and relax, bro." I glanced up to Art as he passed on his way to the barbecue pit. "Benefits of being a little guy, I guess."

"You know it." I chuckled along with him, settling back with the aim of, finally, relaxing for real. Breathing in the fresh, clean air, I took in the sights of our garden. All of the flowers and plants, with Art in the middle of it all. Around us stood our neighbours' houses, while down the driveway, past our car, I could see out onto the street. My attention drifted there, watching traffic far larger than I'd been used to for the last week glide down the road.

A larger wolf strolled along the pavement, while someone my size rolled in the opposite direction on the moving walkway, carrying on along their own respective ways.

My whole body started to grow heavy, but not even the exhaustion of the day's journey could stop me grinning. I began to drift, finding it harder and harder to keep myself upright. In the end, I couldn't resist dozing off here in a house, a city, a country filled with those far larger than me. Those who cared for me. Finally, after so much searching, I'd arrived home to finally find where I truly belonged.