FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Shadow cleared his throat, disrupting the dim silence of the green tent. In the pre-dawn still, his voice was low and steady, telling me of a world outside the protection of the thin walls. When I'd had my family, I had been safe. I had not known the luxury in life I had been granted.

"First off, it was no one's fault." My Wulf took a huge breath. "Well, not one of us at the FurShopper, anyway."

I froze. What did that mean? Had someone been aware of us listening in on the radio? Had some unknown zombie gotten loose somewhere unwatched inside?

Shadow's voice growled a bit. "There were these... outsiders. This gang of idiot raccoons snuck inside after the Curtain. You know when all the zombies are asleep? Only they didn't want to help, and they didn't want to join. They were junkies, looking for a fix. Any store like this has a pharmacy. That's what they really wanted into."

Shadow shivered, his paw clenching into my own fur. "My mom would get out of control too, thinking of these insane plots to get her next fix. Something in the brain triggers, and it's like you're always hungry, and you can only be full while you're high. When you're not high, it's like it's always bugging you. Every thought, every action, and you 'feel' it. Starts off little, then it won't leave you alone. Drives you nuts."

I frowned. My mom had been protective, so I'd never gotten exposure to even those of my peers getting high. Sure I saw it a little, but had never gotten close to anyone who'd used. My only friend in school, Eric had also steered me clear of them. He'd been a raccoon too.

Shadow's voice calmed a little. Any time he mentioned his mother, his voice became emotional. "These raccoons trashed the FurShopper entry barricade getting in. Not that it was great or anything, but it was working. They entered and got into the pharmacy before anyone realized it. I don't even know how they were moving around so much after that awful round of the Curtain we all had."

I nodded. I'd felt bad I'd been the single fur unaffected by it.

"They made a slow, noisy mess of the pharmacy. None of the FurShopper furs noticed; most were in the back recovering. The undead things started coming in, cutting off the junkies from their escape. All the stupid raccoons died but one, who's now locked in the closet instead of Michael."

Shadow pulled in a long breath, releasing a sigh, almost a groan. He rubbed a troubled finger over his muzzle scar. "The zombies knew right where to hit us, like they could smell the way to Camp."

Yes. Camp had been where all the living furs I knew in the world were. What had become of them? My heart skipped a thudding beat, trying to avoid the recreation of zombie-approaching fear.

"Well," Shadow sighed, "the FurShopper furs were pretty startled and unprepared. Few even had their weapons with them. Most of all, many of them were slow to pull back towards the restrooms. There was a lot of confusion. Some furs... didn't make it."

Shadow was silent for a long moment as I absorbed. Was I glad or regretful to have not been among those furs? Would I have been confused and directionless? I might have hid, or even been cut off from help. I could have died, not living another day to see Shadow's bright eyes.

"Some furs didn't make it," he repeated. "Most of them made it, I guess. But it hurt them a lot to lose anyone." My Wulf's wavering voice made it apparent that however he tried to keep detached from the FurShopper furs, he cared too for those lost.

I nudged his chest with my chin. I understood. My tough-looking wolf really was a softy. He was scared to get close to anyone but me. I knew my Wulf could be tough, but he could have a great depth of emotion, a wonder after all he'd been through.

The wolf cleared his throat again, trying to mask his emotional responses. "They managed to make a stand at the restroom hall entry, but there was no way they could hold. Furs kept screaming. Even when they'd managed to hush a bit, the zombies were still on the hunt. There were so many of them, with more coming into the store every moment. It would have been a matter of time before...."

Shadow's paw raised to his brow. Was he thinking the same as I was? We could have lost everyone. We might have been the only ones left, or not have survived either. We might not have even survived if more had been attracted to the roof stairway.

Shadow nudged his nose into my fur. "We may dislike Isaac, but when those things came at the restrooms, I heard he stood with to Steve and Bradley to hold them off."

I nodded. I'd seen that part.

"I can't even imagine what it must have been like," Shadow whispered in my ear. His paw stroked down my back. "I have enough of those things one at a time."

I nodded. There was no way I could have kept my cool facing an endless line of the things coming at me.

Shadow continued, "Then you started singing the... whatever it is. One zombie shrieked like mad, and it was like zombie time stopped for an instant. All of them. Like they'd all been triggered by the same wire. They went nuts, from what furs have been telling me."

Shadow shook his head on his pillow, staring up at the dim, green ceiling. "I don't really understand what they described. Something about the zombies being single-mindedly on your case. They piled on one another. They reached for the ceiling, climbing the shelves and each other to jump up."

It was surreal to imagine. What had it been like to witness something so imaginary?

"Someone said they almost got close enough to reach you. A few caught onto the roof supports, but couldn't hang on. No organization in the mass," Shadow chuckled without humor.

They had gotten that close? I could have sworn I'd smelled zombie rot close. I suppressed a shiver while Shadow was silent. I counted his breaths, wondering if he'd gone to sleep.

The wolf drew a long breath in. "Tianna and Brad. The lab couple died before they could get to the restrooms. They didn't make it. They clung together, died together."

My ears drooped. I had not even known their names before that moment; it felt shameful.

Shadow continued, his voice even. "Clovis got tore up pretty good, and Ruby won't leave his side. Rusty thinks he'll make it, but he's not sure."

Clovis had said he might be the last of his species. Did it mean a species might go extinct right here, in front of our noses? What about Ruby, who'd seemed so attached to the aye-aye? If the male died, she'd be devastated. I blinked eyes which stung with building tears. I needed to hold back, at least for a little bit.

"Steve..." Shadow shivered out a breath. "Steve's gone. He held the restroom entry with Isaac and Bradley, but the things got him."

Steve. Burt must be devastated. I had the feeling all who survived would be.

"Mia and Ms. Siku Radi, you know, Sally? She died trying to protect Mia. They were cut off from the restroom by the things. They got cornered and killed."

Sally? She'd been so strong.... How could such strong furs have died? Had anyone lived? I shivered, afraid to hear who else had died. I hurt inside. Each name felt like a personal stab to my heart. Each death choked me a little more.

"Laura, the spotted rabbit is pretty tore up over losing Mia and Siku Radi.... Tyler? You want me to continue? I can stop."

"No," I whispered, holding in a shudder. "It's okay. Go on."

"Drew also didn't make it. He'd tried to get to Siku Radi and Mia. Margaret's gone too. She just couldn't make it in time. It was a miracle the old cat lasted this long."

Who else? Dammit! Who? I clenched my eyes closed, trying to hold it in. Upset leaked out my eyelids, unstoppable stinging tears. Drew, the handsome - but misguided - tiger was gone. So was the old cat who had scolded Ethan in front of us. I suppressed rising upset, determined to listen to the end.

"I heard Erin and Roger have both been wrecks since...." The wolf sighed. "Dianna wouldn't stop screaming in the restrooms. Jacob... well, Dianna saw it.."

I lost control and sobbed. I couldn't help it. Even a pup?!

"Tyler, Tyler. See? I knew I shouldn't have told you. It's too much."

"Who?" I rasped out, ignoring Shadow's requirement for my silence. "Who else?!" I demanded, another sob making my body shudder. The world was reeling. It couldn't stop. It wouldn't stop.

"Jenny too," Shadow whispered. When I croaked a wail, he held me, stroking my back in slow circles.

Shadow turned more to his side to draw me close to his warmth. I sobbed, my control lost. Furs had died. Had I done differently-? Had I been there-? Had it been someone strong, like my dad-? Sobs wracked my aching back, as I felt wrenching pain in and out.

Shadow, even as he shivered in his own trench of pain, licked at my tears. He licked and licked, and I could taste tears not my own in my muzzle.

Happy, fun, bubbly Jenny was gone? She had been a genius with dexterity, making Shadow twist every which way to try to rid himself of her when we'd arrived. She had been one to ease tensions in the tiny office where we'd met. She had always brought cheer with her.

The strong, the weak, the fast, the skilled. It didn't matter. A cluster of zombies would tear anyone to pieces. It was no fairy story, where a few furs could hold off hoards of enemies. In a real situation, furs died. They died easily.

"Who-who-who else," I rasped around sobs.

"That's it, Tyler," my Wulf said, holding me tight in strong arms. He rocked us back and forth. "A few are injured, but should be fine. But...."

"But?" I prompted, my muzzle scrunching up, trying to hold sobs in.

"We can't find Brynn. The little pika you had me name?" Shadow trembled out a faint sob, paws gripping into my shoulders. "We don't know where she went. She could be anywhere, or dead."

Brynn. It was worse not knowing, as if the incident - the attack - wasn't over. It couldn't be over until everything was clear. As Shadow's shivering eased as he regained his control, I also tried to calm myself.

"Where?!" I wondered aloud through sniffles.

Shadow shrugged, unable or unwilling to talk.

"We have to-" *cough* "find her!"

"Shhh, Tyler." Shadow ran a soothing paw over my brow. "Save your voice before you ruin it for good. Furs looked, Tyler. No one can find her. We can't do anything much while it's dark out. Clovis has the best night vision, but...."

Shadow trailed off, and I understood. Clovis was still struggling for his own life, as Ruby tried to keep him connected with this world.

Shadow licked my muzzle and smaller, made more careful licks around my eyes, clearing my fine fur of teary wetness. I pulled myself into control, feeling once again exhausted. Not willing to give up to sleep, I returned Shadow's gesture, pulling his head close to lick his muzzle.

I could feel the difference in our sizes. Bigger teeth, heavier head. But Shadow's salty tears were every bit as tender to me as mine must be to him.

I held him close, feeling a fierce satisfaction in his survival, that we had survived. He had sacrificed so much in his life. I didn't want to be another thing in his life to leave him.

At the same time, I felt so very gratified by his survival, so he could be with me, so we could be together. Was it horrible to admit I wanted to survive? Horrible to be glad I survived? But was I worth more alive than others who had perished?

I shuddered again, emotions tearing through me too fast to identify. Dizzying emotions, tugging at my mind and echoing in a physical way through my innards.

"You okay?" asked Shadow, calm again and relaxing beneath me in our green tent.

I let my head settle back to his chest and nodded into his fur there. "Confused," I admitted in a rasping whisper.

"It's okay, Tyler. Me too. I'm... glad to be alive. You and I living and continuing on... I'm glad. Furry balls, I'm selfish," he groaned.

I shook my head and tried to stare into his eyes in the dimness. He needed to understand. I pulled his paw and held it firm in my own, gripped between us. "Together," was all I could whisper.

Shadow relaxed, losing tension I hadn't noticed building in him. "You mean everything to me, Tyler. I hope you know that."

I nodded, smiling and reaching my muzzle to nudge and kiss his chin. Somehow, there was still traces of tears to be found there.

A wolfy smile. "Much as we both want to be doing something, we need our rest. You good to sleep now?"

I still felt a turmoil of emotion pull at me, but it was no longer enough to surpass the haze of exhaustion coming to envelop me. I sighed, giving up. I had to admit, I felt tired, like I didn't want to move at all. I nodded against his chest. I wanted to sleep.

Shadow turned towards me, tucking my head beneath his chin as he pulled me close to his wolfy warmth. Remaining tension eased, and my active upset faded as weariness took me. I smothered a yawn, huffing into his deep chest fur.

Would the zombies come back? Furs were asleep, recovering. Were we safe again? We had proven unsafe before. How were we safe now?

It didn't matter. I felt safe in the wolf's arms. I could ignore all the concerns, all the doubts. His warmth surrounded me as he held me close.

Amazing what my Wulf did to me, calming and easing me. I wondered if I did the same for him.

Shadow's breathing eased into even rhythms. Though I struggled to stay awake and enjoy the moment of calm with him, sleep gained a hold and pulled me under.

***

Something was poking at my senses, pulling me from my numb sleep. A sound. A rustle. The movement of someone or something nearby. A weight creeping over my legs.

Something in my mind tried to cry out, to rouse me to full wakefulness to deal with... whatever it was. But I was too tired. No more, I couldn't always be fighting my fate. Could I?

***

Some fur was talking, speaking in a low voice. It made no sense, something about zombies and heroes. I felt myself try to go back to my numb world of sleep, but my body had decided I'd had enough rest. But what if I want more?!

I sighed and brought my paws up to rub at my muzzle. I couldn't even open my eyes for my yawn. The voice continued, Shadow's voice. My eyes were too blurry with sleep as I rubbed them, trying to see more than a green blur.

The green was the tent. Over in the corner, was Shadow and- I blinked, my mind coming into focus right before my muzzle fell open.

"B-Brynn?!" I croaked out, my tonsils wanting to fly through my throat. She was alive?!

Shadow paused in his gestures and story, turning to smile at me. The little lagomorph gave me a hesitant smile where she knelt in front of Shadow at the end of the little tent.

With the three of us in there, it felt a bit crowded, but was I going to complain? I slapped my paw over the front of my muzzle

"Brynn!" I grinned, sitting bolt upright, the blanket falling to my lap. The little fur cringed at my sudden movement, and I pulled back my enthusiasm. "I- I'm so glad you're okay!" I rasped.

Oh, my eyes felt teary all over again. I had not wanted one of the few young we had to... go.

She regained her smile and placed her hesitant, little paw on my blanket-covered knee. With beady, dark eyes, she looked up at me with some concern.

I placed my own paw over hers and nodded, looking up to smile at Shadow.

"Morning, sleepy." The wolf grinned, giving me a flirty wink. "Remember not to talk, if you can help it."

I nodded.

"You two hungry?" the wolf asked, starting the long process of opening the damaged tent.

My nod matched with the little rabbit-like fur's. I couldn't help my sleepy grin. But, as Shadow reached for his bat, my grin faded. I remembered that outside the tent, there was danger, and I'd have to acknowledge the deaths. Many had met their final end, furs and zombies both.

The wolf took Brynn outside the tent, giving me some privacy to change into clothes. Ugh, I needed to raid the racks for some fresh garments, these were getting smelly.

Shadow walked between Brynn and me, holding our paws and my dad's old bat. We threaded through the tents towards the tables. Furs came out of tents and shelters, looking worn, drained. There were relieved and somewhat happy responses when furs realized Brynn had been found. The happiness of such a young one found was brief, as furs settled back into mourning those lost.

I caught Peter staring at me and shivered, not wanting his attention. Though furs' deaths weighed on my mind, the reminder of what the fur had done to me, what he had almost done to me, felt stronger. If only for a moment.

A peaceful death at the end of a long meaningful life, had not occurred here. Furs wandered and clumped to share grief. The sunny morning showed no separation in furs within the dimness of the FurShopper. No strong furs separated from the weak. Any fur gathered with any other fur, as there were stories and grief to share.

After days of furs distancing themselves from certain others for various reasons, that quiet, sunny morning, full of birdsong from the outdoors... that morning all furs came together. Artificial boundaries had wavered even more than when little calf Maggie had been born.

Rusty and Laura, the rabbit, both managed an uncomfortable smile to us before looking away. Sanway was walking towards us, but noticeably re-routed to take a longer walk to the dining area.

I looked up at Shadow, feeling concerned. What was this? Many of the furs ignored me before, and I could understand it; I was no one special. Why the avoidance? Why the guarded stares I could feel on my back.

Shadow sighed and squeezed my paw. "Tyler," he whispered. "Even though you saved everyone, furs have... expressed fears you may be related to the Curtain or the zombies."

"What?!" I snapped in a rasping whisper.

"Shhh, Tyler," Shadow stopped us and pulled the three of us into a tiny circle. The wolf's paw tightened around the bat's handle. "I won't let anything happen. Brynn and I both know you're a good fur."

Brynn nodded, her eyes wide and fixed on mine.

Shadow sighed and squeezed my black paw again in his large, warm one. "It's... some furs are concerned. They're scared. They're hurting with the many deaths we had."

My muzzle dropped to point at the floor.

"Tyler. None of it was your fault," Shadow said. "Furs will always be scared of something when they're in a desperate situation, especially of something unknown and beyond their control."

I dipped my head in understanding. The FurShopper furs were desperate. They were trapped here, and we were trapped here with them. Burt had been right. Outside these walls, we didn't have a great chance of survival without a group. It was that very group who were eyeing me with varying ranges of suspicion and fear.

We approached the dining area, and I felt the whispers, felt the long stares. My nape fur stood up as my nerves prickled with readiness. I wanted to leave. I had to get out of there.

"Tyler," Shadow said in a voice low enough to not be heard past me and Brynn, "keep your calm. I won't let anything happen. I'm here for you, okay?"

I shuddered, realizing I was almost panting in panic. Keep your cool, Tyler. They're scared furs with no one else to direct their fears to.

But why me? Why me? Would I be happier if they were targeting someone else? Not really. I couldn't take the mentality of a victim. It would exacerbate the treatment.

I couldn't afford to get into the cycle of self-doubt. I'd already met furs in high school who seemed to change everything mentioned as some kind of insult, claiming abuse from well-meaning furs.

Clenching Shadow's paw, I straightened my back and my gaze, focusing on the food table. It was our current goal. I couldn't allow these 'bothered' furs to disrupt what I did understand about myself.

I ignored the furs' little actions and comments between them as Shadow helped Brynn get some food. When we settled at an empty table, I allowed myself a moment to breathe and taste my food.

It was hard not to notice there were fewer furs. Even though I hoped there was an area Rusty was keeping all the sick furs, I had to face facts. We had lost furs. More than five. More than we could afford. More than Furdom could afford. Was the universe so cruel as to eliminate everyone and laugh about it?

With a sigh, I poked at my food, trying to enjoy the pancakes and syrup.

"Why isn't there meat?!" yelled someone from the food table.

I stared at Isaac, who was making a fuss at the serving table. Didn't he understand the food choices were the last thing to worry about? How petty can he get?

But when the big fur, with his big mane, turned, he caught my eyes for an instant. Before he slipped his gaze, I saw pain there, a deep, wrenching pain. A pain difficult for me to acknowledge in the fur. Hadn't he been willing to 'exclude' many of the furs from his personal list of true survivors? Hadn't he shown himself to be a heartless beast?

Michael too seemed different. His usual, loud behavior was missing. The horse moped at a table, his head hanging low, with an untouched plate of food in front of him.

With a sigh, I forced myself to eat my pancakes. They were probably warm and wonderful, but I couldn't taste them. I couldn't much tell I was eating. Everything felt numb with shock and a world-weariness I had never felt before.

It's not like I hadn't face death before. My grandfather on my mom's side had passed away when I was ten. It had been a shock, something I had struggled to understand. How could someone just... be gone? The deaths of Mom and Kaylee had hit hard, but it hadn't blocked me from feeling anything at all.

But, many had died. The past couple weeks had been too much. Not just for me, but for everyone. It was unsolvable, not even a puzzle, just pieces and problems which could never be fixed, never become whole.

Shadow seemed to sense my troubled thoughts and scooted right up to me, arm swung around my lower back. Our shoulders and thighs touched, warmth shared between us. A heavy head settled to my shoulder as his arm gave me an extra, brief squeeze.

Brynn crawled into the wolf's lap to finish her food; at least she was young, seeming to be resilient through this. Her young mind seemed better equipped to accept things and move on.

My mind, on the other paw, was well equipped to mull over each face, each life of a fur lost. I mourned the possibilities. Each loss stayed with me, taunting at my regrets.

Burt stepped into the center of the tables and said a few things. I didn't pay much attention, and I doubted the rest did either. There were noticeable chairs standing at tables, empty, where they had all been full yesterday.

A few other furs came up to say a few things about those we'd lost, but the monologues were brief. Furs were drained, tired. I was tired. Shadow looked exhausted. I reached up to stroke his heavy brow, and he startled a little, eyes snapping wide.

"Sorry," I mumbled as he gave my side another squeeze and settled to my shoulder again.

Old Margaret, Jacob, Steve, Siku Radi, Mia, Tianna, Brad... Jenny....

Dianna, the little collie pup, whose brother Jacob had died, stared at the table in front of her, shivering every other moment.

The furs coming to the center were more and more hesitant to come forward and speak. Soon, there was a long silence and stillness, as we all waited for... one more? But no one stepped up. Chairs scraped in an otherwise silent store, and furs slunk away from the uncomfortable silence.

Michelle and Burt stayed with their calf at their table, watching broken furs leave. I stood with Shadow, and we wandered the store for over an hour, seeing bodies, seeing faces. Brynn kept with us. I think any other day, Michelle or even Laura would have taken her. This day, no one cared to.

Furs wandered around the FurShopper in numb shock. A few showed half-hearted efforts to remove bodies, but in the face of their consuming shock and the overwhelm of so many bodies, each gave up quickly. Too much; it was too much.

It was more than wallowing in the loss of valued furs. It was more than being stuck in the FurShopper. It was an overall sense of helplessness. There was nothing we could *do* about our situation. We couldn't even understand the whole situation because of the damned Curtain.

A shrill whistle cut through the muffled dimness. Shadow grabbed the bat with a small grimace. He led me towards the restrooms, Brynn following. Other furs froze at a second shrill whistle tweet and stumbled their slow way to a theory of safety. I saw their near-despair in hollow eyes, feeling some of it myself. If they were tempted to stay out and 'give up' as Susan had done, they were too numb of mind to make such a decision.

Furs stepped into the restroom area with wide, haunted eyes. Shadow and I were doing a bit better, not having witnessed the worst of it ourselves, a paltry saving grace we didn't enjoy. Brynn kept as silent as any day before, but her nervousness was betrayed in the twitching of her little round ears.

I nodded to Burt, not even caring to pick which gender restrooms we entered. Furs either ignored each other, or griped about conditions, but there was little feeling behind either response. I couldn't imagine our community lasting very long if this kept up.

Shadow and I stood in a corner, clasping onto each other, unwilling to let go to lay on the chill floor. Brynn stood, clutching at Shadow's shorts leg. The bat hovered over the floor in Shadow's tight paw.

I felt the wolf's underlying tension, even as his body responded to our closeness by a slight hardening inside his sheath. He didn't say anything, and I didn't break my silence either. Burt and Howard sealed the door, and we were all isolated in the cold room for the oncoming threat.

A fur behind us was mumbling, audible by our proximity to him. "Maybe it won't come today.... Maybe it won't come today.... Maybe it won't come today."

When Howard called out the two minute warning Brynn sat and tugged at Shadow's fur to do the same. We settled as if resting, though none would find the next hour peaceful. Shadow lay on his back, bat resting across his legs. I snugged into his side, craving warmth and comfort. Brynn closed her eyes tight and clutched Shadow's t-shirt on his other side, across from me.

My eyes flicked away, and I realized it was Michael who was mumbling under his breath next to us. The horse's eyes were wide showing a bit of white around the irises. The world trembled in a tiny way, nearly imperceptible. I shivered and tried to relax. The Curtain was approaching... falling.

"No!" Michael stood with his shout.

Furs blinked scared eyes, unwilling to move from their horizontal positions. With a harsh neigh, Michael bolted towards the door, stumbling over legs. The Curtain seemed closer, a hint of a torrent. A fur shrieked, realizing something we all did instants later. Michael was trying to leave!

Thankfully, Burt was lying in the panicking fur's path towards the door. His black hoof grabbed at Michael's hooves before the stallion could make it to the door and kill us all. The big, bay stallion began to fall, but the Curtain dropped, raining yet another round of horrors on our world.

The Curtain dropped, to thrash us into an agony of existence. What started as minute vibrations, grew exponentially into throes of agony, unmanageable for the mind and the body. Sensations and vibrations clawed into every cell.

I was craned to see Michael's panic and not prepared for the smash of sensations, seizing my body and rattling my mind. Some part of my awareness caught on that my body tightened and reacted to the attack.

Mind separated from direct access to my body, and I struggled to keep above waves of disaster to the senses. But I didn't try to follow the pattern underlying it all. No, I couldn't force other furs to suffer more because I couldn't take a little sacrifice. My resolution was difficult to focus on as my 'self' struggled to maintain awareness.

I could feel the 'thing' prodding within the Curtain, searching for a response, searching for me. It would come down twice as hard on everyone else if I revealed myself. It was hard to remember why I couldn't save myself from the misery....

I dealt with the vibrations shredding into my bones, clawing at my senses, until I lost cohesion with the world and everything went black.

***

Senses woke before the blackness lifted. A stroking paw. The warmth of a fur. Was it my mom, soothing me after I fell asleep on the couch? As my sense of self rebuilt, I knew it was Shadow. Before I opened my eyes memories caught up with my dim mind.

Unlike anything I'd ever experienced, the Curtain could violate the being through the senses. I hurt everywhere, but felt numb with shock everywhere too. Shadow was silent above me, kissing the top of my head and pulling me close as he felt my minute shifts of waking.

"Hey," Shadow whispered to me.

I clenched aching muscles, feeling a little upset over waking in such a state and having to deal with my memories. When I blinked eyes open, golden ones watched me in a dim room. The restrooms again; nothing new there.

Shadow pulled my torso up, to rest against his firm chest. The movement caused my groan as the world twisted. I sniffed into Shadow's shoulder. Oh, I ached, and my mind found some comfort in my Wulf's presence, sitting in the warm lap.

I felt a tiny paw grab my finger and looked down to see Brynn watching me with intense, black eyes. To have someone so young worry over you felt wrong. She should be carefree, enjoying the safety of life under a warm, summer sun.

I looked around trying to piece what had happened. "What?" I rasped out of my throat, still affected by the singing the previous day.

"Michael's an idiot," chuckled Shadow, petting the back of my head - Ah, it felt nice. At my nod, Shadow continued, "Burt pulled him down before he could compromise the door."

I shook my head. I understood the panic, the unwillingness. But a fur had to have self-control to survive, and especially to have the sense not to endanger everyone else. Horse sense... heh.

Shadow sighed, still holding me close. "Michael fell hard as the Curtain hit. I saw him leave just a few minutes ago. He didn't handle today's Curtain well. It was also one of the bad ones which hit harder anyway."

I made a vague grunt. Made sense.

I could feel Shadow's hesitation in his breaths under my paws. "Some of the furs are talking about throwing him out for 'endangering the group'."

My eyes flared wide, and I gave Shadow a quick look.

"I know. I don't agree with it either. Furs are getting more and more scared. Something has to happen soon, Tyler. This place can't keep stable. We need someone to bring furs together, but no one's picking it up."

"Burt," I rasped.

"What about him? Oh, he's taken Steve's death pretty hard. He's focusing on his family and us. I think he's overwhelmed."

"Isaac?" What would the FurShopper be like, managed by a fur like Isaac?

Shadow shook his head. "I know he wanted to take things over.... But he didn't take the attack, or its aftermath, very well. I think he liked having Drew all but worship him. With everything that's happened, he's getting set off too easily. His temper has been terrible, he's blowing up a lot, for stupid reasons too."

My sudden shiver couldn't relieve my renewed worries. Shadow scratched his muzzle scar before resting his head over mine. I eased breaths into his warmth, feeling his chest's rhythm of life.

Brynn nudged her way into my lap, giving me a hesitating hug. My aching heart melted, warmth filling in the painful cracks. Life was truly precious. If care given and love shared could make me feel 'healed', maybe there was hope for a fur's survival.

There could be hope of our survival. Those moments were so warm in the cool bathroom. I allowed myself a few more minutes of feeling the firm, familiar embrace of Shadow, and the quiet, undemanding softness of Brynn's hug.

It could have been a happy moment. But, instead, there was a confusion of emotions. I needed time to mourn, to sort things out. I needed some time to feel unpressured by fear and the uncertainty of other furs' fears.

Through my confused mind, wandered a bit of a smile, thinking of the three of us. Three troubled furs in a dim bathroom surrounded by a wide world, troubled by fur-munching zombies. Yet even the smile, brought to life on my lips, faded in the bitterness of our reality.

Furs had died; furs we knew. There was no way everything was 'okay'. At the same time, we were still alive. We were alive to experience and strive for happiness, but also to suffer, to die. Where was the point? Where would things clear up and become as 'normal' as might be possible?

I gave Brynn's shoulder a light squeeze and pat. "Let's get up and see if we can get you a snack, huh?"

The little fur shrugged, but slipped away, waiting for Shadow and I to untangle and rise. Shadow picked up the bat from the floor, gripping the handle in his firm paw. I didn't feel too wobbly on my footpaws as we left the chill little room.

The dining area of Camp was all but abandoned. Isaac and Bradley were there, with Bradley switching his attention from watching Isaac, to staring at me. I gave him a little wave, but he didn't seem to make any response.

We got Brynn some crackers and some cheese from a pressurized can. When I squirted a bit on her nose, she broke into a giggle, seeming the only one to shake off the recent shock.

Afterwards, we wandered the store. Clothes, electronics, a long detour to toys. None of us were leading the way. We three would move down an isle, and one would drift away, the other two joining right after.

I think it was my footpaws which led us into automotive. The air in the repair section smelled of car lubricant, tire rubber, and fuel. I stopped in front of Brynn and Shadow, my paws hanging down at my sides.

My Frankenstein car sat there, waiting, as any car would. Yet, this car was different than other cars. The rusty hide joined parts from several cars to fulfill some forgotten fur's curiosity. A "Can I do it" experiment had become a stable, but barely working mess.

Stepping towards the one thing my dad had bothered to give me in recent years felt like I was trying to regain something from my past. What was there to regain with everything dead and gone?

The Frankenstein car remained working after so much had been lost. Oddities were the survivors in the world deformed by the Curtain. Flukes in the game of survival. Slipping into the driver's seat reminded me of the things I couldn't control in this wild mess.

But when I turned on the radio, my world expanded. Beyond my memories, beyond the FurShopper, beyond the few furs I knew. Static became sound as Shadow slipped into the passenger seat, and Brynn inserted herself on his lap.

The message repeated as it had before. "-to assist as soon as they are able. Please continue to be safe until then. Remember to stay away from the Event Light. Stay alive Furdom."

That was it.... Why had we all not managed to stay alive? It was all we needed to do. Furs would come for us. They would. They would....

I dropped my forehead to the steering wheel, but that didn't stop the slow tears from falling. A warm, wolfy paw set on my back and stroked large, slow circles over my t-shirt. My tears fell, my ears listened. Shadow and Brynn listened too, to the repeating message. Help will come, stay alive.

I growled and smacked the dash, causing the radio to rattle in its duct tape cradle. The world was dead. No one was alive. No one left to 'carry on like a good chap'. No one left to invite to birthdays at the pool. No one to sing or make stories. The world was dead, or if not all dead, it was surely dying.

Upset eased into nothing, and I stopped crying, continuing my sniffing. Minutes passed, and I found myself crying again, barely able to turn off the radio to conserve the battery.

Shadow leaned his shoulder towards mine, and I joined him halfway, over the parking break. Our heads leaned together, cheeks and jaws touching. Closing my eyes and feeling his warmth in the quiet afternoon was the one thing to settle the painful clench on my heart.

When I pulled away, feeling a bit embarrassed by my lack of control, he allowed me, giving me a muted smile, tears shining in his own eyes. I reached for his paw, not wanting to lose all contact, but needing a bit of my own space too. The black wolf paw gripped over mine. After a moment of staring at the dash, again the upset overcame control.

Crying. Slow and quiet, crying in helplessness. It was crying, not for attention, not to strive for another's understanding, but because I couldn't take it all anymore. The afternoon when I'd first seen Eric, dead and walking on my lawn, when I'd broke down... was an emotional precursor to this upset.

I cried and settled, in quiet cycles. I wasn't the only one who did in the quiet, sunny afternoon. I wasn't the only one to do so in the car, with the whispering memory of the radio, claiming 'hope'.

Sunlight came in at an angle, high through the dirty bay doors, casting a gentle illumination on the Frankenstein car. Gentle light on me. I straightened to clench my paws on the steering wheel for some kind of implied emotional anchor which wasn't there. Shadow allowed me my space, for my body, and for my trembling mind. Knowing he was there was a far greater anchor, one understated and successful by his very presence.

But how much could a fur take? How much was a fur supposed to withstand before a fur was allowed to break completely? How much more of this could 'I' take?

With my knuckles whitening on the hard steering wheel, I glanced at Shadow and Brynn, doubting I'd find answers there. Seeing Shadow, with his arm stretched over to me, and comforting the occasional sniffles from Brynn, somehow I felt I could find some of those answers.

I could continue. For as long as I needed to. For as long as I was needed, was wanted. I would continue, because I had someone. I would stay in the world because I must.

Survival would be mine through this terrible chaos. Otherwise, it would be the end of possibilities. Possibilities of my life, Shadow's life... others' lives. My impact would be made on the world, however small, however big. Something would come of this, my life... something had to.

The Curtain and the undead strove to cancel out my life's meaning. They could. But I couldn't let my life's story, my very existence become meaningless, leaving those I cared about to themselves and my memory to the dust. I could go on, because I must. Because I was 'me'.

By the time I'd found some emotional balance, settling my thoughts, the sun was shining through the high, bay door windows horizontally. Shadow was playing quiet paw-and-finger games with Brynn. I'd been quiet myself for a while, unwilling to move.

But stillness was death, especially in our new, bizarre Furdom. In the old world, where there were billions of furs and all kinds of technology working to support them, stillness was a luxury granted to some. Not to us. Not now.

Gripping my eyes closed as hard as I could and opening them, I found a strange, steely resolve. I had come this far. I could continue. What else was there? Perhaps more pain, more suffering. But I, no WE would bash through it. Because we must. Because someone must. And there just wasn't anyone to shift responsibility to anymore.

"-paint your roof with something red-"

The radio female had said it over, and over, and over. We would. We could. I could. Now.

I stuck the keys under the seat and glanced over to Shadow. He had long since calmed, and gave me a returning nod. He would survive with me. A tug pulled at the corner of his lips, then on mine.

My Wulf smirked at me and gave Brynn a quick bump on the head with his chin. "Let's go, squirt. Looks like Tyler's ready to go."

She smiled bigger than either of us and bounced off Shadow's lap, out of the car. The wolf picked up the bat and came around the car to my side, pulling me out by my paw. I couldn't help the grin from his enthusiastic yank.

Something had changed. What was it? Things were bad. We'd lost furs.... For me, Jenny's face kept popping into my mind. I wonder among those lost, who kept popping up for Shadow. We'd lost many furs. It was true. But through a terrible incident, we had survived, and others with us.

The other furs.... It didn't matter how they might treat us, it didn't matter how they had treated us in the past. We lived. They lived. Wasn't that enough to go on with?

Of course I was sad. For the rest of my unknown lifespan, I would be saddened by this. But I- But we couldn't be dragged down by it.

The new Furdom, domineered by the Curtain, we didn't have the luxury of extended mourning periods. There was no luxury for services and eulogies for those departed. But... it was okay. It was the way of the new Furdom. It was who we were, who we must be... must become.

Survivors.

A trick of thought, a twist of perception, and we could simply... continue. There was a lightening sense in my chest. What had weighed me down? Our situation was sobering, true. The trauma of everything pulled at me, but I had Shadow. I had me. We had... so much more.

Shadow had more around him than ever before, and while I had less, we could come to some kind of balanced appreciation of who we were in the new Furdom.

Joining our paws, I pulled in the bigger, black fur and reached on tippy-paws to give him a full lingering kiss. His eyes lit up, and I could have sworn his muzzle felt a little extra warm under my lips.

With a wink to him, I made a bee-line to a nearby FurShopper section. Paints and samples of color were arranged in the dim late-afternoon FurShopper. I tried to find the reddest red, but Brynn picked out one even redder and brighter.

Shadow had the bat threaded through one paint-can handle. Four sizable cans of paint between us, while Brynn hopped around our heels, weighed down our steps. But something different was happening to our hearts. We had each other. We lived.

My Wulf had lived through terrible, ongoing trauma. He had regained his smile and ability to trust. How was I any different deep inside? I could be a strong, resilient fur too, right? Wasn't I already on the way?

We took a detour to Camp, our lighter steps setting us apart from the plodding of others. It wasn't our young age. We had accepted sadness. We had accepted the trauma. For this brief time at least, we had a purpose, and we would accomplish it.

Burt's eyes flickered with a bit of light when we raised our paint buckets at him. But he was dealing with his own sense of loss and responsibility. We left him saddened and comforting the rabbit Laura and Michelle both.

Shadow and I trooped up to the roof, a little lagomorph behind us, carrying a bag of brushes. When we got to the roof, the little female blinked at the remaining light, setting over distant mountains.

With few words, Shadow and I settled on an area to paint and went at it in the dimming light. Red paint drooled into paint pans, ready for our rollers. We set Brynn off to the side to play with a bit of redness herself, using a small brush.

My Wulf and I called to each other, trying to get proportions right, but we couldn't be sure. Skylights were our frame of reference. A big 'S' was tricky to shape with two skylights in either curve. The 'O' too, formed around two other skylights. Another 'S' and we walked along the length to assess how it might look from the air.

"Maybe it will work?" I mused as the end of our giant writing. A glance told me Brynn was still entertained with painting red animals or something.

"Probably no one to see," said Shadow with a grunt, plopping his red-stained roller in a half-full roller tray.

"But we've done something," I smiled out as the black fur pulled me to him by my hips.

"The plane's not coming back, Tyler."

"But it might," I grinned, giving his cheek a nip.

He smirked, joining it with a shrug. "I guess you never know, huh?"

"Exactly, Wulf. You never know."