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Something weird was definitely going on...

I was watching T.V in the living room at... some time of day? It the most unbelievably amazing match ever: Cleveland Browns vs the Packers, and it was a damn close match! The score was... 11 x 65 to factorial 6? ...What? And even though I thought it was September, I guess it was actually January because the match was the NFL conference championships to get into the Superbowl (and the Cleveland Browns were part of it? Oh my god how did that happen)?

It was the final down with the square root of 121 seconds left on the clock, and the Browns were on offense on the 3 x 10 = 30 yard line. Scrimmage started and one of the Brown's wide receivers, Gosh Jordan (Tiger) caught the forward pass. Rushing the ball over to the endzone, the Defensive players were charging at Gosh like feral bulls. The distance between closed, and one of the Packers jump-tackled Gosh right before the endzone, but Gosh jumped up real high in the air and bounced off his back like he was a goomba in a Mario game, and scored a touchdown with a perfect midair summersault.

(A one point conversion happened but nobody cares about that) There was exactly 12-11 = 1 second left on the timer, so the Packers just forfeited like a bunch of bitches, which meant...

The annoyingly loud-voice announcer man articulated everything for me as the audience burst forth into uproarious applause, "THE CLEVELAND BROWS HAVE JUST BEAT THE PACKERS FOR A SPOT IN THE SUPERBOWL! HOLY SHIT I AM LITERALLY CRAPPING MY PANTS RIGHT NOW! IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER THAT MY WIFE LEFT ME, THE BROWNS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL LADIES AND GENTS!!"

Holy shit, the Cleveland Browns made it to the Super bowl? That's like never happened in the history of ever! This is amazing! Oh wow, Gosh Jordan sure is getting groped a lot by his teammates.

Also wow, I just got a text from Jayce! Or as he's coded in my phone's contact list: Mega string-bean nerd. "Hey did you hear that they're cancelling Teen Titans Go! And are reviving the original series?"

I gasped. It was a miracle! Finally in the world of cartoons, quality has taken precedence over stupid mass-produced garbage that panders to the masses and treats kids like they're dumb! I did a little jig in celebration, wahoo!

Oh, now Chris texted me! Or as he's coded in my contact list: chibi-san. "Rooooooooooooob! Brokeback Mountain is getting a sequel! And it's even gayer and more depressing than the first one! Let's go watch it together!"

*gay squee* Oh my god! Oh my god oh my god oh my god! I have never been so excited to cry my eyes out! Rupal the mightiest, give me strength!

My phone buzzed again; it was a message from Scott. Or as he's (obscurely) coded in my contact lists: Pilgrim Vs. the World. Wow, this was like a text message bukkake of good news! "Did you check the mail? We just both got full scholarships to play football for Ohio State! Even though we're only juniors and didn't even apply yet!"

Ermahgerd! I never thought I'd make it in to the OS football team, much less get a football scholarship! Even though I doubted it would happen, I guess Scott's dream of me and him playing for the Buckeyes actually came true! I must actually be a lot better than I thought I was!

I was beyond elated. Everyone was texting me and telling me wonderful things! I was on top of the world! What other wondrous joys awaited me on this fine day/morning/night/whatever time of day it was?

Ding dong, doorbell sound. Who could that be?

I opened the front door and Daren was there with a bouquet of roses and he was in nothing but speedos OH HOW SCANDALOUS!

"I LOVE YOU! BE MY BOYFRIEND!" he declared magnificently, shoving the roses in my face.

"Fuck that, let's get married!" I said and then pounced the fuck out of that hot Rottie, and then we started making out and it was amazing. How could this day get any better? Oh hey, I just heard a noise coming from the living room! Daren and I ceased slobbering over each other and then teleported there or something, and there was this ominous blue glow in the TV! And a Fur was coming out of the otherworldly glow...

It was like that movie The Ring But it wasn't a creepy Fur with long black hair, It was an unbelievably _adorbz_white Rabbit girl with blue hair. Could it possibly be...? Yes, it was!

My blue-haired angle goddess spoke to me, "I am Mitsune Haku, the most famous and bestest of all vocaloid characters. The love of my fans such as yourself has given me the power to move from virtual world of vocalic into the IRL. And for you, Robert Hamilton-san, the greatest of my fans, I shall give you a personal live performance!"

...My waifu is real! Oh glorious day! "Oh, _arigatou gozaimasu_Haku-sama. I am unworthy of your presence!" I said with several Japanese-style bows.

"Yoooooooooshi~ Now it's time for the live performance!" Haku said energetically with an arm pumped up into the air, and then a MAGICALLY AWESOME J-POP STAGE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND THERE WERE STROBE LIGHTS AND FIRE WORKS AND BACKSTAGE DANCERS IN TRON SUITS AND AAAHHHHHHHH THE BEST THING EVAR!1!1!

Mitsune began singing my favorite vocalic song 'Melancholic_'_in her beautiful robotic, well-mixed angelic voice~

Zen zen shiranai, kimi no koto~"

I was crying rivers of tears of ecstasy as I moshed with Daren. This day was so amazing, "This is the best day of my life! Nothing could possibly ruin this!"

Suddenly I heard my Mom's voice coming from somewhere behind the magically summoned mosh pit. "Rob, what are you doing? Don't you remember what we're supposed to do today?"

I turned around to face my mommy and pouted, "Moooooom, can't you see Daren and I are dancing to the live performance of the first real-world manifestation of artificial intelligence after the Browns got into the Superbowl and all my Earthly desires have been fulfilled?"

Mama-Mia stomped her foot down on the ground. "There's no time for that! You need to PRACTICE! You need to get your asscave stretchy for your sexy time with Daren this weekend!"

ALFJS+LDKJF+SLDJF+LDSKJF+SLDJF+KLDSjf;lKDSjf;lDS

Suddenly everything around me began to fade into background obscurity. It became strangely easy to have a conversation with Mom despite the fact that I thought I was just dancing to a super hype vocalic concert... "Eww, I'm not going to practice anal-stretching with my Mom, that's gross!"

Cue the ominous, evil laugh... "Oh no, not with me, with your SISTER!!!!!"

Suddenly Ann appeared out of nowhere, wearing nothing but a purple negligee and pounds upon pounds of makeup on her face. _Oh God I'm going to puke..._Mom shouted at me in blood-curdling battle cry, "To help you get ready to be a BOTTOM BITCH, Ann is going to FIST YOU UP THE ASSHOLE! AWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!!!"

sedisni ruoy egavar lliw tsrif reH

The concert stopped. The dancing stopped. Everything else stopped. Tunnel vision... reared its ugly head.

Ann cooed at me with one finger on her lip, "It's not like I'm fisting you because I like you or anything, stupid oniichan~"

59 6f 75 72 20 77 61 69 66 75 20 69 73 20 73 68 69 74 Black thunder. Redrum. REDRUM! Society falling apart at the seams. Creepy clown things dragging children down into sewers! Stars falling out of the sky. The universe is now a nebula of black holes. DISTURBIA, IT'S LIKE THE DARKNESS IS THE LIGHT~~~ IS THIS HEXIDECIMAL CODE FOR SOMETHING?!

The world crumbled around me, like it was just some disposable virtual world being shut down like in the Matrix. Things fell apart into uncountable amounts of pixels, and descended down into an infinite nothingness below my feet. Before I knew it, it was now just me and Daren standing together on two separate pillars of ground, like we were SIMS characters that some cruel gamer transported on top pillars with no way down so he could watch us slowly die and soil ourselves to death. We were staring at each other dramatically like and the coloration was really weird because everything was all greyscale. Daren's muzzle dark and angry as if he was judging the deepest regrets in the corners of my soul. "Your family is disgusting and I'll never love you again. Also you have jury duty tomorrow."

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"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as I woke up with a start, a speedrun, a gameover, and a restart all at the same time, that's how fucked it was. I was sweating bullets of pure terror as I struggled to make sense of my dark surroundings, my paws rubbing all over my head just trying to get a grip on reality.

After a few moments of nothing happening, I placed my paw to my rapidly beating heart, and realization that it was just a nightmare slowly sunk in. But for a while yet, I could still see impressions of my dream horrors haunting the room around me.

My bedroom door suddenly slammed open, revealing the White-Tigress from my nightmares, who currently had a horrible case of bed-fur, and looked grouchier than my Grandma when we don't let her drink while on meds. With unholy strength, she threw a black Evanescence pillow straight at my muzzle, knocking me back down on my bed. "ROB, shut the fuck up!" she snarled.

I gave my best attempt at a retort, but I guess the trauma was blocking my 'witty retort' sector of my brain, "Is that any way to talk to somebody who just had a nightmare, Mrs... Vulgar Mouth!" I said, throwing her pillow back at her. Sadly I threw it nowhere near as hard as Ann did, so she caught it effortlessly (this is why I'm a kicker and not a forward passer...).

Ann tsked at me like she was 2cool4school, "I've been suddenly woken up from my slumber at 4 A.M, and I haven't had my coffee yet. Be it no surprise that I am irate! I shall depart now, and elder gods forgive me for what I'll do to you if you wake me up again!"

I gave another shot at a retort as Ann stormed out of my room, "Yeah, well... 'Evanescence' is a stupid name for a band!" ...dammit!

Letting out a deep guttural groan, I collapsed back onto my bed. God, that dream was so good until it 180ed into complete nightmare-fuel... er, well I guess just a nightmare? Either way, better mentally file that under the 'never think of this shit again' cabinet, and try to get some sleep...

...

...

...

Oh God that's right, Mom's buying me dildos later today.

---

School happened the next day. Learned about Pavlovian conditioning in Psych class, Daren came to eat lunch with us again (even if he was still a bit shy about it), Scott predictably slapped my ass a few times in the locker room, football practice was extra rough... But that's not what's important right now, is it? I'll just skip over to what happened after school.

*Fast forwarding noises*

Enter: Tuesday after football practice.

Exhausted from the day's laps across the football field and kicking drills, I defaulted to my usual leisure activity of potatoing around in my room. For the most part I was just on Utube, blending my time between best moments videos of famous Football kickers, gay comedy vines and Japanese vocaliod music videos (my life in a nutshell). After an hour or so of partaking in my oh-so cultured hobbies, I heard the sound of the garage door opening. Was it time...?

I went downstairs to the kitchen to meet my destiny and, oh look, Mom come home with a conspicuously nondescript black bag from God knows what store... which could only mean one thing: she done got the stuff. "How was work at the vet office today?" I asked, totally pussyfooting around the 'buying dildos for me' thing.

Mom gave me a whimsical shrug as she placed the bag down on the central kitchen isle. "Same old same old, except today we caught another couple without health insurance trying to play their baby Fur off as a Feral to get a cheap medical checkup and meds. Funny how often that happens..."

Hey, yeah that's... huh. Come to think of it, when Ann was born I thought we got a pet or something...

Ignoring the implications of the society we live in where babies and feral animals would look nearly identical, I tried my best to get to the point, "So um... did you go to the place and get the thing?"

Mom cocked with an amused smile, "You mean 'buy you sex toys at Slurpy Sallie's'? Yeah, I got you lots of goodies for you to stretch your leather cheerio! Here, have a look!"

I groaned at Mom's baffling euphemism (thank God Ann and Dad were elsewhere), but pushed on with the desire to get this the hell over with. I peeked into the bag and was immediately taken aback. Mom had just bought me THE BIGGEST FUCKING DILDO EVER. Holy assburglers, Batman... It had to be at least 18 inches and as thick as a soda can.

"Uhhhhh," was all I could manage to say, as I compared that, yes indeedy, it was longer than my forearm.

"Oh, sorry, this one's for me, sweetie. Figured I might as well get some shopping done for myself while I was there," Mom explained, taken the dildo from me and stuffing it in her purse (it was still sticking out halfway...) "Oh and this one too," she said, pulling out some vaguely phallic looking object with beads on it at even intervals and a ring at the end. ...Were those anal beads? Was that what anal beads looked like? Ewwww, my mom uses anal beads! Upon the unwanted realization, I felt menacing dream-like memories writhing in the back recesses of my mind...

Shaking off the disgusting thought and roiling in my stomach, I continued to prospect the loot box. Condoms, lube, _reasonably_sized dildos, something that looked like an oddly bulbous dildo with an inward groove by its base (a buttplug?) and... a bucket thing? What the heck was that for?

Mom commentated as I felt around and examined the objects, "So yeah, basic butt stuff. A few different sized dildos, condoms, lube, two different butt plugs-" I hope I never hear her say 'butt plugs' again "-and a bucket enema for sanitary purposes! Do you need any advice on how to-" The next word hit me like a Limit Break Hadouken Final Smash up the butt, "-PPRRRAAAACCCTTTTIIIIICCCEEE with them?"

And with that I was triggered; the traumatic memories of my nightmare began surging into the forefront of my mind, as a sense of helplessness consumed my very being...

It's not like I like you or anything, stupid oniichan~

You have jury duty tomorrow.

FIST YOU UP THE ASSHOLE !!

Dental plan!

Your family is disgusting and I'll never love you!

Nope.jpg

Panic started to set it. The fisting, the humiliation, Daren's look of disgust, my sister in negligee and pounds upon pounds of whore makeup HHHRRRRNNNN I scrambled to put everything away at fast as my traumatized body would let me. I needed to get these things away from prying eyes. "I think I'm good, thanks Mom!"

Mom seemed a little disappointed that she couldn't give me a crash course on how to CRAM SEX TOYS UP MY ASSHOLE, "Oh, alright. Well what about explaining just the enema? They can be a bit hard to use correctly for the first time."

In retrospect, it might have behooved me to hear how to use the weird bucket thing, but at that point the GTFO was too strong with me, "Naw, it's all good. I've got the internet! Thanks Mom Baiiiii~" I said while rushing out of the room back upstairs to my safe haven of a bedroom.

"Just absolutely make sure to use a condom! And make sure your learn how to use the bucket properly!" she called out moments before I slammed my door shut. I immediately tossed the bag on the floor and went on the Internet to find some brain bleach. While my laptop was loading, I told myself that I only had one more year to go before I was old enough to go to a sex shop, so this sort of mishap would never happen again. When my laptop finally finished loading, I went to my go to the rabbit hole that is cute baby Furs animal videos on Utube and was able to zone out and suppress all my unsavory nightmare traumas.

Oh Internet, how I love you... Not only do you keep me sane with your brain bleach, but you'll teach me all about how to use weird sex toys without triggering me, won't you? I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong as long as I have you to depend on...

---

The rest of the week of school happened. But that's important, now is it? Let's just skip to right up before the good part...

*Fast forwarding noises*

Daren and I decided on having teh buttsecks at my place Saturday night. We really lucked out with that one: turns out that Ann was going to a 'Flaming Pendulum' concert, clearly one of her goth/emo whatever she calls herself bands. Mom was already going to drive Ann to Newport and since she 'wasn't a cockblock or anything', so she and Dad would also be out to see the concert. Apparently it was no extra trouble because Dad wanted to try out this quote unquote new 'dabbing' fad (I'm not even going to comment on that one)...

At this point I had an hour before Daren would come over for our big moment. Just imagine... in one hour there'd be a real actual cock up my ass! I mean, it's not like I was *excited* to be a bottom or anything, but it was part of an agreement, and I had to make up for the first time I failed at sexy timez with Daren, so if I was going to commit, I might as well enjoy it, right? Right? That's is all this means, right?! I swear I'm a top!

In preparation for my big bottom debut, I had been stretching the Grand circular gates to Rob's anus without any added assistance from my Mom (dear God I actually just said that, didn't I?). It wasn't even all that hard thanks to the buttplug; I already spend an hour or two a day fucking around on my laptop anyway, so I all I had to do extra was stick a round bulb thing up my ass while I was laughed at stupid memes and shitposts online.

So the stretching preparation was no problemo, but the enema was a different beast altogether. First of all, what the hell even was an enema? Well, it turns out that enemas were things that shoot water up your butt to clean out your anal cavities (I honestly had no idea that that was even a thing, like, I thought maybe you just wiped real good with toilet paper or something before anal sex [this is what happens when porn is your sex ed teacher]). For someone who was really eager to get this right, I was admittedly really bad with procrastinating with learning how to use the enema (it freaked me out, what can I say?).

Luckily, I had found this convenient video on Utube that showed me step by step how to use an enema bucket. The warning signs of the uploader not vaccinating her children, being on a strict fruitarian diet, and claiming that enemas could cure migraines in lieu of dangerous medication from a doctor meant absolutely nothing to me at the time. And luckily, her cootie-ridden lady parts were nice and out of view for my gay viewing pleasure!

Okay so... set up the bucket in the bathtub/shower, lube the nozzle and stick it in down under, use the clamp to spray water in a bit at a time until you can't hold any more, and then let it all out in the toilet. That seemed like good advice... right?

It took some time setting up the bucket to the shower rack, but once I got going it was actually sort of fun. Stuffing water up my butt felt strangely pleasurable (I've put weirder things up there), I was getting some sort of deep tissue massage by some sort of water spirit. I got the water as far up there as I could a total of four times, just to make sure I was extra clean! No unsightly excrement was going to get on Daren's fat cock!

With my room already nice and clean, I was obsessively killing the remaining time by fixing the tiny faults in my spiked up head-hair. I didn't want anything to go wrong tonight: this was going to be my big shot at redeeming myself for the first time I was awful at sexing. The thought of wearing something sexy crossed my mind, but I figured Daren wasn't really the type of Fur to care either way. Not to mention my mediocre sense of fashion...

>>>> Has a varsity jacket

>>>> Is a tool

>>>> Wears that every day as a status symbol

>>>> Never has to worry about what shirt to wear

>>>> Just occasionally picks out pants and spikes his hair

Ding dong, doorbell noises

My surprise and feline reflexes caused me to jump with a sudden jerk. Was it Eight already? Oh my God... It was happening. "Be there in a sex!" I yelled down from the second floor balustrade, totally unaware of my Freudian slip at the time.

After one last brief survey of my room to make sure everything was clean and in place, I clambered down the stairs, took a deep breath and lost my nerve when I placed my paw on the doorknob.

Already Rob, you can do this, just... relax. If you stress out too much your butthole will clamp up tighter than those skinny jeans Chris sometimes wears. Maybe break the tension with a dorky pickup line?

With one deep breath to steel myself for the encounter, I opened the door. And there my big Rottie was, looking handsome and ever in an unzipped green hoodie and white tanktop, his large pecs and arms particularly tantalizing. His lips curled up into a sexy grin and my heart soon set to racing. He had biked his way over here so his musk was particularly heady, setting off all the primal mating signals in my nervous system. I smiled nervously as I spoke, "Hey, is heaven missing a parking ticket, because you got sodium fine written all over you!"

Daren looked at me perplexed for a moment then broke into an amused snort. "What?"

Goddammit.

I hadn't realized just how bad I messed that up until the words were already out of my mouth, "Uh... I think I might have mixed up three different bad pickup lines... Anyway, uh, hi!"

"Yo," Daren said smoothly, his impish grin filling me with both anticipation and nerves. He walked right up to me, our muzzles mere inches apart, "You looking real tasty tonight..." the Rottie murmured as he wrapped his paws around my waist.

I felt my hackles and tail hairs bristly up in panicky anticipation. "So do- mmf!" a paw placed behind my head pushed our muzzle together, locking us into a wild, dynamic kiss. Daren's other paw moved to my ass, gripping my butt, playing around with my tail, tugging it... He was hitting all my buttons perfectly, I was on cloud nine.

Daren broke the kiss after a hot minute, and we stared into each other's eyes. A breathy 'wow' escaped my mouth and the dominant Rottie grinned at me confidently. We hadn't made out like that since our first date. It was exhilarating...

Daren pushed in so our groins were touching, and big fat cock pressed up against my thigh. I felt my erection develop further and my desire for release escalate. Daren's grin became even sharper, "Want to get started now? It's been a long time coming... and I'm extra horny tonight."

"Okay..." I squeaked with a tiny bob of my head, still star-struck from our kiss. I had wanted to come across as a confident power bottom, but after that kiss I was feeling sub sub sub. I felt one part vulnerable in my current state, yet the other part glad to not have to put up any pretenses of my masculine jock act. So, paw in paw, I lead Daren up to my room, anticipation and nerves setting my fur to tingling all over.

We arrived in my room. Daren yanked me into another kiss. My body pressed up against his muscular chest, his arms wrapped around me. His paws worked their way slowly down to my ass, as I began feeling up Daren's muscular backside and rear. Daren started groping my buttocks, once again playing with my tail. Daren's muzzle pressed deep in up against mine. He broke the kiss for just a moment to say with a grin "Damn... I forgot what a fine ass you got."

Damn girl, how'd you get all that in dem jeans?~

"Thanks..." I replied with a few shy chuckles.

Daren clicked his tongue and wagged a finger at me disapprovingly. "Uh-uh-uh, remember what you're supposed to call me?"

"...Daddy," I embarrassedly cooed back, my cheeks blazingly hot. It was obviously embarrassing, but something about it felt really hot. Like, Daddy was going to fuck me... Oh God, I was really getting into this getting topped thing.

"That's right," Daren growled at me before turning my around and pushing me chest-down against the edge of my bed, to which I gulped hard. "I'm your daddy. And daddy's here to check if you did your homework..." Daddy kneeled down behind my ass, and deftly undid my belt, giving my erection a quick squeeze. I let out a submissive moan. Daddy then removed my jeans and pulled down my boxer slowly, teasingly... and then, I felt his finger, wet from him licking it. It was rubbing around my rim in a slow circular motion. And then it started poking me, slowly more and more pressure applied until it broke through. It went in smoothly; all my practicing had paid off. My erection hardened further, dangling down the side of my bed.

His finger hit me right in the G-spot. It felt amazing: Like all the hot pleasure from my ass surged straight into my dick. I began panting, clenching my teeth down fiercely. I was so hard, and it all just felt so right. At that moment I wanted nothing more than for Daren to stick his fat cock up my ass. Just, there was just this little odd feeling of mild discomfort coming from my lower stomach... eh, it was probably nothing.

Daren sniffed his finger and then beamed at me, "Hey, that ain't bad! You cleaned yourself real good, I can't smell anything!"

As dumb as they seemed, I forced the words out of my muzzle trying my best to sound sexy and not crack up in laughter, "I did it all for you, Daddy..."

Daren stood up and pressed his groin against my ass, the tent in his pants pressing against my butthole. "Aw yeah, little kitty, Daddy's gonna fuck you six ways to Sunday," he said as he bucked forward, my desire for the fat cock pressed up against my hole growing more intense by the thrust.

I raised my tail up, leaving my butt open for Daren to ravage. "I'm ready for Daddy's big... oh, woah," my focus shifted from sexy time flirting to the pain in my lower gut. I pushed myself up so I was half standing up and placed a paw to my roiling gut. Wait... what's happening?

Daren's grin dissipated, and with that the mood was shot, "Uh, something wrong? Am I going too fast? Is the 'Daddy' thing a little bit much?"

More pain. Was it my intestines? Something seemed to be shifting painfully inside of me. I shook my head adamantly: a little bit of internal discomfort wasn't going to ruin this shot at redemption for me, "No, I'm really into it, it's just something in my stomach is, OH JESUS," I yelped.

...and it happened.

...The thing that Mom tried to warn me about.

...The most embarrassing moment of my life.

*sighs*

Out of my anus came the wettest sloppiest fart I had ever unleashed. Water dribbled out as I ripped something fierce. I... was leaking. And then the floodgates of hell opened entirely and a substantial surge of water squirted out onto Daren's feet, wetting the fur on the back of my legs as well.

And then... the awkward silence to end all awkward silences. My entire being was burning so hot from embarrassment that I couldn't move. I couldn't even bring myself to breathe. All I could do was let the stream of water flow down my hindlegs. I hated this feeling. It was terrible. I wanted to die.

Daren looked blankly at his feet, and then at my rear. He cracked into a strange laugh, "Uh, Imma get us a towel..."

I couldn't even respond. ...how could something like this happen? Was this another nightmare? Or did I really suck that much? In response to the hot pain enveloping my body I balled my paws so hard that my claws began digging into my pawpads. What ever God(s) is/are out there, why do you play these cruel pranks on me? DO I NOT DESERVE GOOD SEX?! WHAT CRIME HAVE I COMMITTED?!

My ears folded down flatter than they've ever been. I let out a deep primal groan into my bed. I felt the pressure of tears forming in my tears ducts, and I developed a pain in my forehead. Daren returned to the room with a towel from the upstairs bathroom, and I could barely bring myself to look back at him in my pathetic state. He had an amused grin on his face as he handed me the towel, "First time with an enema?"

I rubbed my eyes and nodded. My whole body stiff with embarrassment as I dabbed up the excess water with the towel.

"Get the water up there real deep?"

Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.

I nodded again, frowning so shamefully hard it felt like my face was going to get stuck that way. With the water on my butt and inner leg fur now dried, I slumped back down onto the edge of my bed. I felt so weak and useless... pathetic.

Daren sucked in air through his teeth, "Yeah... you might be farting out water from your large intestine for a while."

The last vestiges of stiffness in my penis disappeared along with my hopes of redemption. I buried my face in my paws and let out another deep frustrated groan. "Why am I so comprised of fail?" I whimpered, slowly sliding down from the side of my bed to the ground, my bare ass and cock still exposed.

"Hey, Rob's it ain't that big-"

"Nobody ever told me sex and sex stuff could be unsexy! Why can't I do anything right?!"

"Rob..."

"It was going well at first: I figured out how to clean myself and you said I had a nice ass and I was calling you 'daddy' and that I did a good job preparing and then KABLOSH! I guess we won't need new sprinklers for the lawn anymore because MY ASS CAN JUST WATER THE GRASS!"

"Rob, what are you talking abou-"

Tears were streaming down my cheek fur as I sobbed and babbled, "I ruined our big night! It's like Ye Olde Faithful erupted, except it was my anus! I might as well change my online forum name from DeathKickerx to LEAKY ROBBY!"

"For the love of..." Daren tore my paws away from my head and clamped both of his paws around my cheeks. My head jerked upwards from the sudden contact, and looked at Daren, terrified of what he was going to say. He knelt down to look me straight in the face. "Rob, it's fine! This crap happens all the time for people's first time. It's normal."

I barely managed to suppress my whimpering. I could tell Daren was trying to comfort me, but I still felt horrible. In my shame, Daren's beautiful eyes became incredibly painful to look at. After all, how could somebody who sucks as much as me ever hope to be up to the standard of a guy as hot as he was?

Daren's paws glided off of my muzzle, and he sat by my side on the bedroom floor. He let out a breathy sigh, "Look, it's all chill. Maybe rushing into this first thing after I arrived was a bad idea. I'm not disappointed or anything, aight?"

It was dumb... I really didn't need to be crying. But the sniffling wouldn't stop. I rested my aching head against Daren's shoulder.

God, I suck...

Daren wrapped his arm around my side and pulled me in so we were sitting together as close as possible. I hesitated, but ultimately rested my head against his shoulder. We stayed like that for a moment, as the stinging embarrassment slowly let up. Daren finally broke the silence, "Let's just chill for a bit, maybe get something to eat and then see how you're doing and decide what to do from there."

"..........okay........" I let out my last tiny sniffle.

Daren turned to look me in the eyes, his neutral sullen look broke into a warm smile. Still feeling emotionally raw, I couldn't help but look at Daren like a scared kitten. "Aww, here," he said, grabbing me by the chin giving me a sloppy affectionate kiss. He then started kneading my cheek with his thumb affectionately and playing with my whiskers. His eyes weren't so hard to look into any more.

"Don't go hating on yourself too hard, I find it really cute when you admit you don't know what you're doing."

"You do?" I asked in a pathetically insecure and whiny voice.

"Yeah, for real. You don't have to put on a show for me. I'd rather spend time with a cute guy who feels bad when he messes up than a tough badboy who's good at sex but can't be real or vulnerable and shit."

That's basically what my persona at school is. Ugh, I don't even want to think about that now...

Daren's paw moved from my cheek to my shoulder with a pat. "So yeah, let's just watch a show and maybe get something to eat for a while. That sound good?"

"Yeah... that sounds good," I tried my best not to sigh. I was already enough of a bummer tonight.

---

"How many different levels of super saiyan are there now?" Daren asked with a few confused blinks.

"Three I think? Plus Super saiyan God? I haven't really been following it recently."

Daren and I were spooning in my room (guess who was little spoon? THIS GUY), watching, you guessed it, Dragon's Ball Zee. I had hooked up my laptop to the TV in my room so Daren and I would have something to watch. We had just eaten; I suggested pizza but Daren was feeling Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell. This was good, because now both of us would have intestinal issues. In the meantime we mostly talked about frivolous things: which teachers were annoying, what shows we were watching, which guys at school we thought were the hottest... and we even played a few games of "fuck marry kill". It helped to put my mind off my slip up, and although I had a few more... issues with my gut, after an hour I was starting to feel better.

We were watching the most recent episode of the new DBZ series with no context, but it seemed like the characters Gokoo and Vegemite were in some sort of interdimensional martial arts tournament. We were enjoying the episode in a sort of ironic sense, especially Daren who didn't watch all that much of the original 90's series.

"What kind of a name is Gokoo? It sounds like some sort of weird off-brand yogurt." Daren asked right before we watched the buff Wolf punched the buff pasty alien thing into a lake, causing a... massive splash of water. Like the one that happened in my butt earlier today... Dammit T.V, must even you remind me that I suck?

I let out a beleaguered sigh, to which Daren quickly asked, "What's that sigh for?"

I shifted under Daren's warm embrace, turning around so I could look at him in the face, letting the episode of DBZ fade off into white noise, "I dunno... I guess I'm still just really disappointed in myself for ruining the night. I really wanted to redeem myself after how bad I was our first time..."

Daren frowned, before muttering 'Well actually...' but he didn't follow up on the statement.

While I was waiting for Daren to finish he began pursing his lips, and for a brief moment his eyes shot off to the distance, as if something was making him feel guilty. His behavior was peculiar, to say the least.

"Well actually...?" I edged him on.

"...Uh, you want me to tell you something? Something... pretty shitty about myself?" Whatever it was, Daren was speaking with heavy amounts of hesitation, and the timing was definitely curious. "Uh... yeah, I guess so," I said noncommittally, despite my interest.

Daren shifted awkwardly, and his gaze on me faltered, "Your first time, you weren't... actually all that bad. I was just being a bitch about it."

My eyes widened, "Really?"

Daren let out a few low, coy laughs, "Yeah... Plus it ain't like I was giving you pointers anyway, so... I really shouldn't have been so harsh."

I shifted upwards, breaking myself away from the embrace. "So why were you so judge-y then?"

Daren followed suite, and began rubbing the backside of his head. "I guess it's... sort of a habit. Whenever I'd bottom for a macho cocky guy, I'd tell them the sex was mediocre regardless of how good it actually was. Like, cocky macho guys do turn me on, I guess, and bottoming for them is great and all, but I guess it still makes me feel like a bitch? Emasculating the tops afterwards always helped me with that."

I eyed Daren suspiciously, "Wait, you thought of me as a macho cocky guy? Even after you saw me nearly crap my pants from watching Cannibal Holocaust?" I asked, just a tint of indignation in my tone.

Daren shrugged at me, palms up in the air. "Well, sort of? You _really_put on a show of being like that at school... I guess after our first encounter at school I already decided in my mind that I was going to be hella harsh if we ever fucked."

I wasn't quite sure what to make of this revelation. I guess it was comforting, but I also felt like somewhat of a victim? It never occurred to me that Daren wasn't anything other than completely perfect, I was just blaming myself for not being good enough this whole time... Now that I thought about it, that was kind of shitty of him to be so harsh. And here I was developing this whole complex about being bad at sex...

Daren let out a throaty sigh, like he wasn't entirely comfortable with what he was about to say, "I guess what I'm saying is... I'm sorry. I was being mean for no good reason. You were fine."

"Oh, thanks..." I muttered. The whole revelation still felt weird, and I still feel a bit hurt, but I was also strangely happy that Daren would open up to me about something like this. But with all the mistakes I made, I guess it wasn't so bad. He did apologize after all. "I forgive you..."

"Thanks..." Daren responded, clearly uncomfortable.

We both were at a loss of words. A strange tension floated in the air. We both began watching DBZ again, but no longer spooning. Wanting to clear the awkwardness from the air, I pressed on the one curious thing I noticed about Daren's story, "...So for you to develop a habit like that, you've had plenty of sex before, I take it?"

Daren smiled sheepishly as DBZ characters began doing some crazy energy beam attacks against each other, grunting and screaming like they were constipated, "Yeah... I had a bit of a wild streak since my last year of middle school to sophomore year of high school."

Middle school? How old was he then? Do the math... ugh, math... Okay so he's nineteen now... so minus four years makes him... fifteen when he started fucking? "So you were 15 and having sex with macho guys? Just how old were these guys?"

"Uh..." There was a long, unnatural pause before Daren responded, "well, ya'see, I sort of,... lied about my age on gay dating sites so I could hook up with people who were in the 18 plus group. Some of them were old enough to be my dad. It was... definitely illegal."

"Oh my God," I stated thoroughly nonplussed, my head recoiling back a bit.

Daren cringed slightly. Evidently I just hit upon a secret of his. "Yeeeaaaahhhh, so when you think about it that way, you probably a lot better off learning by making a few mistakes here and there with me, than by having jailbait sex with older Furs like I did. So really, don't feel bad about it; I definitely ain't a good example."

"Oh, okay... thanks," I said uncertainly, thoughts collecting in my head. It suddenly felt weird to hear that Daren had done something like that, but oddly comforting at the same time. Compared to Daren I was a total n00b to sex, but I was only seventeen, so that wasn't really weird, was it? If anything he was the abnormal one because he had been fucking older guys since he was in middle school... I guess sexual expertise can have a flip side to it.

We awkwardly looked around the room a bit as nonsensical battle scene played out on my TV. Daren coughed at one point, and I found myself rubbing my arm again. For a few seconds we went back to watching DBZ sans spooning, but the episode soon ended.

So much for clearing the air...

Daren and I looked at each other: each clearly uncertain as to what the other wanted to do. Dare was first to make a suggestion, "So... wanna watch a different show and cuddle some more? I ain't got no place to go tonight, and I won't be upset if we don't mess around or anything tonight."

'Don't mess around?' Alright then...

"Actually, do you still feel like fucking?" I offered, one hundred percent serious and clearly not messing around.

Daren seemed genuinely taken aback at my statement, "Oh, word. You feeling better?"

I smiled, and I didn't even have to force it, "Well, I'm starting to feel better down there, and I just... feel a lot less stressed about it now. Watching muscly anime guys fight helped too, heh..."

Cue the entrance of Daren's famous slanted grin. "Aight then, let's give it another go." Daren skooched close up to me. He smiled, I smiled. And then we began with a few slow kisses, caressing each other's backs.

It was... really nice. Something new was clicking. I think the pressure was finally off. Daren wasn't perfect, and neither was I. It felt like there was... an actual mutual connection there. Like I was just me, and not some underdog undercat chasing the impossibly perfect man of his dreams. We were just making out and probably about to fuck. No biggie.

A few seconds into our kiss, I couldn't help but break out into a fit of giggles. Daren eyed me curiously, a sly grin on his face, "What's so funny, Ye Olde faithful didn't erupt again, did it?"

I shook my head, still giggling, "No... you just taste like Doritos."