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_ Part 8 _

There wasn't a chance in hell of carrying on with my planning... or relaxing... or doing anything beyond discarding myself on the bed of this dead, lonely hotel room.

Outside, life went on. I watched the evening sky turn to black, blanketing a city surging with a light and energy I could only envy.

Curled up close, burying myself beneath my pillow, and my thoughts, slowly, meticulously, I picked apart every crossed word I'd shared with Sasha.

Point blank, he'd refused to see things from my side. Insisted instead on viewing everything through a lens tinted by pride of being Velikan-born at our size. Even at school, I'd never felt as strongly about it as he did. Not really. Even with all I'd said and done along with him in the face of bullies, or well-meaning folk who'd accidentally referred to us as 'Polcian' or something else equally innocent. With all that in mind, still... I regretted what I'd said to him. The emotion was real, but the words cold and unfair.

Everything had got on top of me. Weighed me down and left me in dire need of help. In dire need of someone to tell me that this was all okay. That I was, too. Usually I'd have turned to Ma... or Dad... but who could I turn to when I'd left them both thousands of miles away? All to do something that undermined and questioned their very existence in my life.

I pulled my pillow tighter, almost revelling in its suffocating presence. Those doubts I'd suppressed roared back with the fiercest vengeance. I cursed and spat fire, beat myself black and blue, and left myself crumpled in a pathetic heap; all without moving a single muscle.

Something reflexive kicked in. Pulled me up by the scruff of my neck and demanded, 'No more. Get up'.

I threw off my pillow, my thoughts, and sat myself upright. Moping wouldn't do any good. I couldn't leave things like this. In the dark. In limbo. Life would move on from here and I had to move with it. Even if it lacked an easy option. Sure, I could just up and leave for home at the end of the week, but that'd never silence the voices that brought me here in the first place.

Of course, I had something else to do before the time came to make that decision. Something important. I had to try and close the rift I'd just helped put between Sasha and I.

I grabbed my phone, swiped to my contacts and jabbed at his name. Time passed. Ring after ring went unanswered, until the awkwardly robotic prompt came for me to leave a message.

"Hey... It's me." My free paw fidgeted, running over my leg, squeezing at my knee. "Just wanted to... call and y'know..." I gulped down the dry lump in my throat. "Say that I'm sorry for what I said. I wanna talk. I didn't mean... I need to explain some things. Gimme a call, or let me know where you are, okay?"

Reluctantly, I hung up. I weighed my phone in my paw. Glared at the reflection in its shiny, black surface. That wasn't enough. I could do better.

"To hell with it." My coat called me from its peg on the wardrobe door. Without a second thought, I marched over, slipped it on and left our shadowy room behind.

Padding alone through the city, surrounded by suit after blouse after suit, didn't feel like much an improvement on our hotel at times. The rain began to fall, mixing with the frantic, uncomfortable air of rush hour. The pavements overflowed with commuters, rivalling the snarled up lanes of traffic for sheer insanity.

With all this closing in, barely leaving me space to breathe, I somehow still felt stranded. Isolated. Arlone managed to move even further away from home. What I'd been glad to get away from just a couple days prior, I began to dwell on. Gazing up to see blinding bright buildings beneath a sombre sky, the lack of larger-scale structures and taller compatriots left a far bigger hole than it ever had previously.

I pulled away from the heavens, focusing my mind as best I could, even with all the bumping and nudging, the blaring horns and raised voices. Where would Sasha go? Admittedly, it didn't take long to realise that this wouldn't be the most challenging of hunts. Sasha stormed out to get himself a drink... and we'd only visited one bar here in Arlone so far: The Locksmith.

Granted, sensible people might aim to avoid visiting a place where they'd been hassled and subjected to a hard time. They'd go further afield, try for a better alternative... Of course, Sasha wasn't sensible people.

I picked up my pace, following the route we'd taken there. My head raced with ideas of what I might find waiting for me.

The Locksmith's scene proved to be much the same as the day prior; deafeningly loud, heavily scented and filled way past its brim. It sure looked like this was the go to place when it came to post-work drinks in downtown Arlone.

Venturing further inside couldn't rescue me from that sea of black and grey business suits. They filled every single seat and close to every space around them. The warm stank of damp wood and fur pervaded everything.

A collie and her well-presented friends brushed by on their way out, right before a beanpole of a mongoose nudged past on his own way towards the bar. I sidestepped as close to the inside wall as possible, trying to keep my tail from harm's way while peering around for any sign of Sasha. No chance from here with how packed out this place was.

I tried to keep steady on the slick floorboards, struggling past patrons either too ignorant or too hard of hearing to even try to clear a path. Hell, not even species bias would help me out here. The fat-arsed red panda unwilling to even attempt to shift his considerable lard from between two tables proved that in spades.

To my relief, and frankly, to my credit, I succeeded in finding Sasha before getting pulled into another argument, or worse.

At least the upstairs balcony here offered room to move without a constant need for squeezing or shoving. He'd settled himself at a small table at the far wall, joined by a couple of girls, a mouse and a vixen. No need to ask who'd taken ownership of the table first.

"...you see, I am very happy that you say this," I heard Sasha finish. "In my country, it is so very hard for finding girls as pretty as you both."

His company giggled, turning to whisper something amongst themselves while he sipped at his beer.

"Are all the girls giant in Velika?" The mouse asked bluntly.

"No, no." Sasha scoffed and waved that off. "There are many people my size. Many more than there is thought to be."

I decided to hang a few steps back behind his seat. How he'd react to seeing me so soon after our argument would be a dice roll. What's more... a part of me wanted to see where this conversation would go.

"You not never been with a larger girl then?" More chuckling between the pair. I'm not sure Sasha noticed.

"That is not my thing. I know people for who it is, but not me."

"How would that even work, though?" The vixen turned to her friend. "It's weird."

"Like normal," Sasha replied, taking another sip of his drink. "In school, at parties, people would get together. Did the normal things--"

"No." Her muzzle creased with the beginnings of a giggle. "I mean... I'm talking about..."

The girls must've noticed my approach. They peered up at me in unison. Sasha followed, looking back over his shoulder. His face became stone. "Kaz..."

"You know him?"

"This..." He turned to the mouse. "This is who is with me here in Polcia."

"Hi." I gave them a small wave. "How--"

"Why the fuck are you here?" Sasha asked in our tongue, calm and casual.

"We need to talk." I took the seat next to him.

"We really don't."

"Did you get my message--?"

"We're going to the bathroom," the vixen announced. Both her and her friend made sure not to forget their wine glasses.

"Okay," Sasha replied. "See you in a short moment."

Not a word in reply. They shuffled away from the table, fast disappearing into the crowd around us.

"You know they're not coming back, right?"

"I don't care either way," he grumbled. "They had an attitude."

"You noticed, too?"

"Would haveta be deaf not to."

"Yeah..." I rolled my paws over one another. "Guess they didn't help me prove that not every Polcian looks down their muzzle at us."

His claw tapped at the table. In one quickfire movement, Sasha snatched up his glass and downed the last of his beer. "Why are you here?"

"Wanted a drink, too."

"Then go grab one. Ain't no-one stopping ya."

"We need to talk about... what we talked about."

"Like I said, we really don't." He shot me a glare before returning to the scratched up table top. "You made it pretty damn clear how you feel 'bout all this." His paw waved through the air above us. "You wanna move here to chase after your real family, fine."

"I never said that."

"And I guess you never said how much of a fuckin' nightmare it's been being 'round me all this time."

"No, I never said that, either."

"I ain't just gonna forget," he snapped. "Just because you turn up, talk calm, acting like nothing happened."

"I'm not--"

"Stop." His fist clubbed the table. "I heard it. Okay? I heard how much you've hated being stuck to me."

"It's not like that." A few guys at the table opposite started glancing our way. I shifted to block them out and face Sasha. "I just... I guess I hate how restricted I've felt."

"I'm a restriction now?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth."

"Did you not just say that?"

"No."

"Then what did you say?" "I said..." The air thickened. I drew in a deeper breath. "I hate all the restrictions of life back home. Hate seeing people move on without us. All that I said about you... I didn't mean it."

"Well who'da thought it, eh?" My fur frizzed. A familiar voice closed in from behind. "Look who it is."

Just like I'd found Sasha, that loud-mouthed rat and his friends from yesterday had found us. His breath whiffed like he'd been drowning himself in drink for a while. Gods damn it. Did this guy never go home?

"No, not today," Sasha called, shooing them off. "I am busy. No time for you."

"Too bad." He slammed his beer glass down to our table. Either side of him, the skinny weasel and thickset wolverine stood in wait, watching for a reaction. "See, I heard there were a couple of guys from overseas up here, having a nice ol' chat with my girl..."

I dared to turn, spotting that mouse from earlier, and her vixen friend, gazing on with timid eyes. My paw cupped my forehead instantly. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"Didn't think for a second it'd be you wet pair, though."

Sasha didn't look phased. He sat there in silence, holding and examining his empty glass. If he thought it'd get them to go away, he was sorely mistaken.

"So..." The rat rounded the table, taking one of the chairs opposite. His friends remained camped our side, lingering close enough for me to almost feel their presence. "Mini-Velikan, and his boyfriend... Didn't think I'd be seeing you two again."

"I am very happy to displease you," Sasha quipped. "Please, you may take a seat."

"You're too kind." He grinned, glancing to me. "'Ello sweetheart." His eyes dipped to the table. "Still haven't figured out how to order a beer yet?"

"Sweetheart?" Sasha sneered. "And it is you who make fun of him and me being gay?"

"Well, youse two are sitting awfully close together in those seats there. Just missing some hand holding."

"What is your excuse?" He leaned to glare up at the weasel and wolverine. "You are looking very close there, also. Maybe one small kiss? I will not judge."

"Shatit, ya jumped up li'l goon," growled the latter, winning a squeaky laugh from the former.

"Listen," I called, fingers rapping the table. "I don't want trouble, okay? Please leave us alone."

"Blimey, she speaks!" The rat jeered to his friends before aiming a smirk back at Sasha. "Put a lead on her, son."

"I have had a very bad day," he replied. "Will you sit and keep making funny jokes, or will you fuck off?"

The guy's face dropped. Mock smile vanished. His muzzle twitched. Brow creased up hard.

"Sasha," I rumbled. "Let's just go before we get--"

"Sasha?" He sat back, booming out a bellow of laughter.

His friends snickered away with him. The weasel even came out to say, "Nice parents ya got there, givin' ya a girl's name."

"Maybe I got it wrong, fox." Rat face stuck a thumb at me. "Maybe it's pretty boy 'ere that should be holding your lead."

"In Velika, it can be both." Sasha's fist ground over the table. "You... big tooth shithead."

"W-What? What was that?" The guy forced above another bout of laughter. "Stars above, what are you, eight?"

They all shared in their joke together. I think the girls even managed a giggle at our expense. Damn.

Sasha's glare told me I'd screwed up... All I wanted was for him to calm down, stop escalating and help me think up a way out of this. Fat chance. "It helps to come to your level, I am thinking. In my work, I am used to people who suffer from brain injury."

The rat slammed his paws down to the table, laugh slowing to a snicker, head shaking as he pushed himself up to his feet. "You know, you got yourself a big mouth there, son. Be an awful shame if someone had to go close it."

"You think I am scared of you?" Sasha's arms folded. "You think I have not had more bad things than this in Velika?"

"Couldn't give a toss," he shot back. Loud. A tiger and his date at the table over started to notice. I on the other paw began to notice the glaring lack of security up here on the balcony. "You little sub-species bitch."

"And what is this meaning?"

"You're a joke. You're not Polcian. You're fake. Just a little Velikan bitch." He wound back an arm. Lurched forward. I flinched. Not Sasha. "Let me tell ya this for free, yeah? If I catch you in here messing with my girl again..."

"What? What is it you will do?" Sasha gained his own smirk. "You think I am scared of you? In my life, I have been made to deal with bullies and punks who are much, much bigger than you. You are just a--"

The broad wolverine clattered into me, arm flashed right past my face. The punch he threw zeroed in on Sasha's muzzle. Stopped a hair's length short. No chance anyone could resist flinching away from that...

That was it. He'd lost. We'd lost. The weasel got in my face, jeering. Howls of laughter followed. More and more jokes at our expense. I tuned it out as best I could. None of it was pleasant. Lots of talk of our parents. Lots of anti-Velikan speak. The whole balcony had turned our way... They'd get to see the best yet to come.

Sasha leaned in, whispered, "I need you to translate something for me."

"You need me to what?"

"Remember that track by King K? Whole school loved it when it came out."

"...The rapper?"

"You know another one?"

My nose and mouth twitched and twisted... until I made the connection. "Don't." He smirked. "You'll get us killed. Let's just--"

"Don't worry, I think I worked it out."

"Wait--!"

"Hey." Sasha leaned forward, arm perched on the table. "You know. I have a girlfriend."

"Oh," the rat spat with fake cheer, sharing the joy with his friends. "The fox here's got a girlfriend." That clenched paw resting ahead threw out all kinds of warnings. "You think that makes it okay to mess around with mine?"

"In fact..." Sasha glanced over at the mouse, then back again. "For you, I would make her turn bisexual..."

His eyes narrowed. "What you talkin' about, you mug."

My leg muscles readied. Paws positioned to push off.

"...So I can fuck your girlfriend with mine."

My heart sank. Sasha couldn't have looked more proud.

The rat's face contorted. "You what!?"

Crash. Our table shifted. All three of them rushed forward. Snatching paws reached out. Sasha jumped up while I cowered away from that damn wolverine. He grabbed the rat's glass. Hurled its contents all over his face and shirt.

"Argh--!"

Sasha yelled at me to, "Go!" He wound back the empty glass. Faked to throw at the two guys penning us. A gap opened. Again, he ordered me to, "Move!"

I did. We did. The weasel bore the brunt of our charge; sent flailing into the unlucky group at the next table. As for the wolverine, the rat, or anyone else... Yeah, as if I was gonna look back!

We fled through the crowd, knocking and barging anyone and everyone aside. Their complaints were noted. Promptly forgotten. The stairs thudded beneath us. Almost as loud as my heart. The heavier mass of bodies on the ground floor looked to be tougher work. No matter. We just hit it harder.

A few of them shoved back. Some even tried to grab us. I damn near got whiplash bouncing off that plus-sized red panda... But, we did make it to the exit.

I burst through the door first. Almost tripped off the front step. The rain had picked up. Wind, too. It'd whipped up a storm in this dark, dead sidestreet.

"Sasha!?" The door hammered open again. He rocketed out a close second behind me. "Why the hell did you do tha--"

"Don't stop now!"

I saw the commotion we'd caused inside... and by those still chasing us. Sasha was already two strides down the pavement. I broke into my own sprint by his third.

The blinding white of headlights and storefronts on the main street seemed so damn far away. We raced past closed shops and offices. Skipped over cracks and divots in the concrete.

"There!" Came the call. My fur frizzed again. No need to look back. The pounding steps chasing us down echoed for all to hear.

I pushed harder. Pumped my legs so fast that they seared. Sasha's tail whipped and lashed. He pulled further ahead. The heavy patter closed in on us.

I'd have screamed out, demanding to know 'where in the name of every god we were going' and 'what we were gonna do' if I could've got the words out in one piece. Sasha though, he just kept snickering away under his panting. Like he had a death wish of some kind. Fuck that. No way was I gonna die in Polcia.

The white lights took us in. Never in my life was I so pleased to throw myself into a tight, uncomfortable, unforgiving crowd. Not even we, with all the adrenaline and will power in world, could've shoved past this many people. Instead, we had to pray it'd help us hide out in the open here on the heaving strip.

We nudged and scurried, passing and sidestepping whoever we could. My tail got caught and trapped by something or someone. I yanked it free. That pain was nothing to what might be coming.

I followed Sasha to the outer edge of the bustle. The street reveal itself. Still busy, but at least the traffic flowed. Cars approached and rolled past in the opposite direction... that included an ultra-modern, bright yellow one.

"Kaz! Robo-taxi!" Arms spread, Sasha jumped off the kerb and right into its path. "Stop!"

"What the--!?"

Everyone turned to the screeching, watching the taxi jolt to an urgent stop.

"Quick," he cried. "Get in!"

Hundreds stood in awe. From suited business folk, through to teens covered in their dye and sparkles. I bounded off the pavement. Splashed through puddles. Jumped onto the backseat with Sasha.

"Where to?" asked the robotic voice; the most causal... person in the cab.

Sasha grabbed the driver's headrest "Hotel! Spires!"

"I'm sorry, that isn't a location I'm familiar with. Could you--"

"Shit!" The crowd began to part. Our pursuers charged past, scouring the pavement. "Get down."

"Sorry, your language doesn't appear to be one that I recognise..."

We didn't duck fast enough. At the last moment, that weasel spotted us.

"Drive! Drive!" I insisted. "Stupid car!"

He called the others back to him, pointing out our taxi.

"Twin Spires!" Sasha barked.

"Hotel!" I added.

"Gelder Street!" We cried in tandem.

The glass muffled rat face's rage. He'd soon try seeing to that. Boot raised, he leapt into the street.

"Fucking drive!"

Our taxi jarred into life. "Heading to Twin Spires Hotel..."

A solid thump shook the car. Rubber tread impacted the window. It held, thank the gods. I raised my head just in time to see that prick stumble and fall to the soaking tarmac behind.

"Holy... gods!" I grunted, collapsing into my seat. "I think you upset him..."

I found Sasha scrunched up, dumped almost upside down between the driver's seat and ours. His response was to... smile... grin... then burst into a fit of laughter.

Our ride coasted along, gliding with the city traffic. Sitting up was still off limits. I'd stay down out of sight until we made it back to the hotel if need be.

"It appears that you may have been drinking," the 'driver' casually mentioned.

"One or two," Sasha said with a snicker. "...Three."

"Regretfully, I must remind you that soiling the taxi will incur an additional fifty ducat charge."

"That is fine, mister taxi. I will... aim out of the window if I need this."

Whether it was Sasha's strangled, muffled voice, or just his heroically stupid, off-handed indifference to this whole event... something clicked. A snort lead on to a chuckle. Pretty soon, I was reeling with a shoulder-shaking belly laugh. All while slumped down here in the back seat.

We turned a corner. Then another. By the next, we dared ourselves to sit upright. The traffic had cleared enough for us to drive a good distance before the first stoplight. Far enough for me to start seeing the funny side of near-death, too.

"Damn, man... Where the hell did 'turn my girlfriend bisexual' come from? That track is old."

"I dunno." He leaned up against the window, grinning. "It just happened. Felt right." His ears twitched higher. "Did it sound good?"

"Sounded great."

"Woulda been better in Velikan."

"It was on point, man. Flawless."

"Good... Wasn't gonna let that buck-toothed prick beat us."

Traffic surrounded us at the junction. A bus had stopped on Sasha's side. Another taxi on mine. A set of headlights beamed through our rear window. The city outside carried on its manic pace while inside here... it was like everything since our hotel room had been forgotten. We couldn't even rely on an actually driver to break the silence with small talk.

I examined my fingers, checked my pads and rolled them over each other all at once. A few horns blared. The red glow on our rain spattered windows turned green. We eased back into motion.

"Hey," I managed. My paws remained my focus of choice. "Listen, I gotta tell you..." Sasha's tail tip flitted beside me. It offered a middleground. "I'm sorry for what I said at the hotel. It was out of order." He was looking my way. I returned the favour. "I didn't mean it."

"It's okay." Sasha scratched at his arm. "I mean... it's cool. I kinda got worked up, y'know."

"A little." I cracked a smile. The return to silence snatched it away again. Building after building passed us by. Rain poured and poured. The city devolved into a grim, miserable mess.

"Kaz." My own ears pricked. Fur, too. "About earlier."

"Yeah?" I shifted my tail. Yanked my shirt and coat looser. "What about it?"

"So..." Sasha held out his paws, palms facing up. "Are you really thinking on moving to Polcia? For real?"

"No." My seat caught me as I sank. A rub of my neck did nothing to stop the tingling. "I guess... I don't know. I don't think so."

"You must know if ya do or ya don't."

"You'd think," I threw back, finishing with something halfway between a sigh and a snicker. "I'm kinda... lost right now."

"The meter's saying a little under ten minutes from the hotel." We shared a smile. Briefly. "How do you mean?"

"Like... I want something different. More than what I've got back home." I reached up to tug a few strands of head fur. "It's hard to describe."

"Try me." He sat back, offering up the floor. The taxi found a bump in the road. Same for me sitting here. Sasha saw fit not to leave things at that, though. "Is this about your parents?"

"It's not that simple."

"You keep saying that. 'It's hard' and 'It's not that 'simple'--"

"It's not--"

"So let's make it simple." My fur rose with my hackles. I shoved myself away, up against the door. "Are you really planning on going through with this thing with your parents."

"What_thing_."

"Finding them. Meeting them." He scooted closer. "Listen." Then again. "If you do... it's cool. I'm just looking to hear ya speak your mind. That's all. Okay?"

I rose a paw to my mouth. Bit down on the flesh between thumb and finger. Sasha sat there. Allowed me all the time I needed to come out and say, "I do."

"Right." He smiled, nodding. "Maybe it's the beer talkin'... but I get it, I think. It's something missing."

"I want to know who they are at least." I'd never said that out loud before. Each word came as a struggle. A hurdle followed by another, higher hurdle. "Maybe find out... why they gave me up."

Sasha waited. He watched, but didn't stare. Considered, but... didn't accuse.

"You might think it, but I don't wanna replace my family... That's why I've never told them anything about this. It'd kill 'em."

"Yeah... Probably."

"I know, I know. That much is obvious, but..." Those hurdles had developed into walls to scale. My mind had given up trying to make sense. If I couldn't put the pieces together for myself, then how could I ever manage it for Sasha? "It doesn't matter how much I love my family back home, or how much I tell them that they're all the family I've ever wanted or needed, I just... Something's missing. Something, and I don't know what."

"But why now?" He took a moment, rubbing under his muzzle, visibly weighing up what he'd say to me next. "Why are you only feeling this way now?"

"It's not just now," I insisted. "It's been years. Mostly since we finished up at school, started university. Then work. That's when this whole 'lost' thing really kicked in."

"Hey, y'know... I don't want to talk out of turn or anything, but... I figured you're doing exactly what you've always wanted. Programming at a big company, straight outta uni."

"It's_not_ the job," I stressed. "At least, not mostly. It's the office. The environment. I'd just be sitting around at my small desk in our small office, filed away... wondering if that was it. Is that what everything had been leading up to?"

"I'm sorry, man, but I'm not follow--"

"Before, we'd been coasting along on the same path as everyone else. Everything was there in front of us. A came before B, came before C. It made sense... but now, the path's ended, and I don't know where I'm going from here."

Sasha kept watching. For the possibly the first time ever, I'd left him speechless.

"Niko and the others from school, they're all leaving The Roscha, doing their own things... even Art. All while we're left behind. Out of place. We sit in our smaller offices, ride in our smaller train cars, but we're sitting with more and more Polcians coming over. We're separated from the ones we share some common ground with, and instead, we're forced together with those we share nothing but size with."

"Yeah, that's on them," Sasha snapped. "Not us. They're the ones not integrating and shit, all while we're left trying to hunt out other Velikans our size in the crowd."

"I guess." I sucked in air. Sighed it out again. "But... This is what's got me where I am. That's what convinced me to raid through the house looking for my birth certificate..."

The raindrops continued their relentless downward march on my window. Nothing outside seemed familiar. Just more random stores. More people finishing work or starting their outdoor evenings. I'd actually managed to forget all about that rat and his friends from the bar. Too bad I'd only replaced it with something equally disconcerting.

"Listen, I hear what ya saying, and last thing I wanna do is talk outta place..."

I turned away from the city. Back to Sasha. "...But?"

"Man, if you really want it, you can get whatever more you want back in Velika. Do like Niko."

"How?"

"That ain't for me to answer. You're the one who knows what's best for you. No doubting that it probably won't be easy... but shit, what is?" He tutted and shrugged. "If you don't mind me saying... all this talkin' about coasting. It almost sounds like you've kinda settled. Don't wanna push forward."

My teeth set. I jerked forward. Stabbed a finger his way. "And what about you?"

"Me? Pfft." He swiped that away. "I don't really care about work; It's a job, I get paid. S'all I want outta it for now." Up went a finger of his own, like reading my mind. "Plus, I got friends who ain't so far away. There's Niko. A couple of guys from my classes at uni are across town... I got you, too. Fact is, I ain't the one needing to fly quarter of the way 'round the world trying to work shit out. I'm happy in Zelengorod. Right now, that's all I want... but sure, that's not for everyone."

Our taxi began to slow; another red light ahead. The pavement my side teemed with life, crowding outside the familiar entrance beneath a familiar sign. Ibarra's. Seemed not even the weather could dampen the locals' mood for Estordorian. Going for a nice meal, no stress, no worries, would've been pretty damn perfect right about then.

"Is that how you went and found them?" Sasha hadn't finished. That meant I hadn't, either. "Your parents. From your birth certificate."

"No." I knew that wouldn't be enough to answer him. Part of me didn't mind. Part of me... liked getting this all out there. Off of my chest. "It gave me my real name, told me which hospital I'd been born in... and who my parents were. But I still couldn't find them. It's like... they didn't want to be found. They're not on Quikchat or FriendHive or anything like that. They don't have an entry in the phonebook... So, even without all my doubts and all, I couldn't do anything with that info regardless."

"What clinched it?"

"Fuck, man," I spat, snorting and chuckling away the tightening grasp his prying put on me. "This isn't work. Riding me with all these questions, trying to sell me something."

"You ain't seen anything yet, Pandaboy." He beamed wide, teeth fully on show. "How did you find 'em?"

I placed my paws together. Held them tight. The taxi accelerated away while my mind went back. "I found an ad. One afternoon at work, when the thoughts were strong. Some investigator firm over here."

"Wait." He nudged me on the shoulder. His brow raised and jaw dropped. "You're serious?"

"Yeah."

"How damn much did that cost?"

"It wasn't that steep... not really. But at that point, I was so... set on this, I'd have blown all my savings on finding them anyway."

"Why didn't you tell me 'bout all this?"

I let that question roll past. "I got a reply after a few weeks. Didn't honestly know what to expect... but all that info you saw in the hotel, the printouts and all, that all came from what they found out. They made it possible for me to seek them out. So, I did. I am."

"Damn." Sasha slumped back, rubbing a finger over his temple. "You really_have_ been playing government spy, ain't ya?"

I sent a snort through my nose. "I really, really do love my family... but I've gotta do this. I need to at least try and speak with them." My head sank towards my lap. "Maybe it'll help stop this gnawing I've had all this time." I peered at him through the corner of my eye. "I know this probably sounds crazy and it's hard to understand... but it's the way it is. This is my life."

Sasha nodded. "I can't even start to know how you're feeling with all this. This ain't anything I've been through, but, I can try to imagine. My family's my family; I've always known 'em all... It's been easier for me in that way."

I smiled wide, genuinely, for the first time that evening. The spires of our hotel came into view beyond all the bright electric. It's then that Sasha proceeded to do more for me than I could've ever dreamt of.

"As for the fitting in, reaching the end of a path... Honestly, if you're not happy with where you are, who you are, you can change it. Even in The Roscha, or Zelengorod... or someplace else." The taxi turned onto the hotel's access road. Sasha ground the bridge of his muzzle with finger and thumb. "I'll go with you, to your parents. If you want me there. I dunno if you wanna do this alo--"

"I'd like that." My tail swished. Cheeks creased. "I want to go tonight."

"Tonight?" Our ride stopped. I didn't pick up on what the 'driver' said about the fare. "You're serious?"

"Yeah. The way my head is right now... I want to get this done. Over with. For better or worse--"

"Again," droned the 'driver'. "The fare will be twelve ducats fifty. Please present your currency card to the reader--"

"Shut the fuck up, Robo-taxi," Sasha thundered. "We're talking."

"I'm sorry, your language doesn't appear to be one that I recog--"

"I know it's not!" He slammed his card to the reader. A positive beep rang out."

"Thank you. Enjoy your eve--"

"Get lost."

I couldn't stop from laughing at Sasha's short fuse as we filed out onto the front path. He balanced himself for me. Snarling turned to smiles. "Sure, man. If that's what you're really wanting... Let's do it tonight."

"Thanks, man." We threw our paws together. Pulled each other in to share a hug. Rain and all.

_ Part 9 _

I sat there still on my bed, waiting for nothing, peering at everything. Whatever voice or thought that'd talked me into action that evening had vanished without trace. Up here in our hotel room, inside my head, only doubts and worries remained.

At least it stuck around long enough to pass on the mantle to Sasha. He'd taken up the desk under our window, hammering away at my laptop, putting the work in.

Before I knew it, he'd found my birth parents' exact location on Old Mill Road, and plotted out our journey down to Victory Hill. All this while I sat around fidgeting and staring into space.

"They're a thirty minute walk at least from the closest metro station," he explained. "Honestly, I think calling up Robo-taxi would be the best option."

"How long'll that take?"

"The drive?" He glanced back at the screen. "According to the map, with traffic, and if we take the highway... forty-five minutes."

"That'll cost a fortune."

"I don't mind going halves."

"Still won't be cheap."

"Probably not, but I'd sooner that than start screwing around with the metro. Have you seen this route?"

"Vaguely."

"Then you know I'm right. A taxi's the best option."

I huffed hard, threw my paws into my lap and let my muzzle hang towards them.

"Look. If you've changed your mind and don't wanna do this right now, then we don't have to..." No need to look up. The 'but' hung in the air long before it came. "But, I think you do. Deep down."

I groaned, wiping a paw over my face and grabbing a clump of head fur along with it. "Yeah. I do."

"Go get yourself ready, then." He jabbed me on the arm. "I got the taxi app up. Don't think it'll be long once I order."

The walk to the elevator was tough. The slow ride down to the ground floor even tougher. All I could think on, over and over, was how we'd landed here in Polcia just forty-eight hours previous. Not even our second full day had passed, and already I was shuffling through the lobby, heading with Sasha in tow to take a taxi to my birth parents'. It was all happening so sudden... but what did I expect? This is what I'd come all this way for, wasn't it? I really hadn't planned this trip well at all. So many holes. So much left half-baked and barely considered.

My paws were shaking. Legs cramped up with every step. Even Sasha noticed. "You good?"

I nodded, trying my hardest to stop my tucking tail from tripping me.

"It's cool if you change your mind, y'know. Now or later."

"I know." Sucking down air didn't stop the discomfort. "I gotta do this."

A howl of wind blasted at the front doors and windows. At least the rain had eased. The revolving doors seemed to move that much faster for us on our exit.

A group of older businessmen waddled away from the jet black luxury cars dropping them off. Loud and boisterous. They'd had a good day. Someone here had to, I guess.

Someone brushed past. No apology for the half-stumble they'd forced me into. I shot a glare at the lady wolf and her partner swaggering away from the entrance, headed for the valet mouse waiting by their bright red convertible. Money couldn't buy class, that much was true.

Sasha and I stepped out onto the access road, heading for our little yellow taxi sat waiting beyond the outer awning, exposed to the elements. The door opened for us. It asked for Sasha to confirm his name, checked his currency card and finally invited us to climb inside. It felt good to get back out of the wind and rain, even after just a few seconds of exposure. Those good feelings didn't last all that long.

"Good evening, gentlemen. Where would you like to go today?"

"Good evening... Robo-taxi," Sasha replied. He looked to me, then back to the driver's seat. "Uh... Old Mill Road? Victory Hill."

The engine whirred into life. "Old Mill Road, Victory Hill. Estimated arrival in... Forty-seven minutes."

We glided into motion, passing the flash cars and flashier clothes around them. My stomach cramped as we joined the everyday traffic. Forty-seven minutes left. After months, years of wondering, waiting... just forty-seven minutes.

Sat in my private little corner of the back seat, I spent most of my time alternating focus between two things: willing my anxious stomach calmer, and watching the city outside drift by.

One positive of this long, winding taxi ride was getting back away from the hundreds of towers and skyscrapers that'd become a near constant above us. Slowly, their lights and and shadows disappeared from view out the rear window, masked instead by the offices, factories, houses and trees that flanked the busy highway we barrelled along. I appreciated having so much variety to observe and to compare with what we had back home. It proved a good way of keeping from dwelling on my own mind. And my discomfort.

Exit signs and slip roads came and went one after the other, guiding others away on their own journeys around the city. Travelling down this route helped to emphasise there was no shortage of 'city' to be seen here. Just when you thought you were nearing the edge of civilisation, another district or neighbourhood would appear, stretching it out even further into the night.

The sign for Victory Hill came after a good thirty minutes of driving. We left the swarm of high speed traffic behind, veering off to enter the first real patch of nature I'd seen since stepping off our train two nights prior.

A stretch of woodland separated the highway a patchwork of lights, rising up towards the moonlit sky on the hillside beyond. We made it through treeline quickly, curving our way through the darkness to emerge where the first lines of houses began.

I found myself captivated, studying them one after another. Older landmarks and backstreets aside, downtown was nothing but steel and glass. That'd become normal, familiar to me by now... but to see everyday houses made in the same way, that was something.

We rolled by immaculate models of ultra-modern architecture; the kind you didn't see back home, even in the most expensive of gated communities. Not that I ever saw too many of those.

Lights shimmered in the few darkened, full length windows not covered by metallic outer blinds. What walls and beams there were pointed and jutted around at weird angles, crafting shapes and designs that wouldn't have been out of place in a sci-fi movie. Again... you simply didn't get this back in Velika.

Road after road, more and more of these fancy homes revealed themselves. Some perched themselves atop pillars and archways of pristine stone and metal, complying the with the beginnings of the hillside. Grand front steps led down to well-kept lawns and large driveways filled with shiny new cars. I wondered which of these belonged to my birth parents.

These impressive homes kept on going, twisting and turning, nestled neatly between the woodland and the rising slope. Our taxi did eventually turn off this path, starting an ascent of the hill. The big, futuristic houses stopped.

We crossed a few busier roads full with stores and other bigger buildings. Some were tall, rising up a few floors, but nothing compared to the imposing towers downtown.

Passing beyond them, the hill got steeper. The houses changed. Gone went all the glass and steel. Walls of painted brick was the aesthetic here, with line after line of terraced housing extending along the hill's contours. By then, we were high enough to see beyond the bigger houses and the woodland below. The people living up here on Victory Hill had a perfect view of the traffic streaming along the glowing highway, as well as yet more houses and tower blocks in another neighbourhood beyond.

"Says here that Victory Hill was one of the first new districts built after the war."

I glanced at Sasha, watching him scroll down the screen of his phone.

"Lots of smaller, everyday homes. A place to house all the people made homeless." He looked up at me. Put his phone down. I guess I must have pulled a look without realising. "Sorry. Just tryin' to pass the time is all."

We turned one last corner, entering onto a narrow street lined both sides by grey-walled houses that had all seen better days. What cars there were sat bumper to bumper in a line just as uniform. Older and faded. No fancy lawns or double-wide driveways here.

"Old Mill Road," confirmed our automated driver. "Please advise the address number you would--"

"285," I blurted. "285, Old Mill Road."

A few more seconds passed. We rolled by a people carrier with a dented wing, then a model of sports car that probably outdated me. Heading in the opposite direction, some guy hidden under his hoodie marched on. None of this settled well.

In the light of a lamppost, a free parking space revealed itself. A bike sat chained up... that hadn't stopped someone relieving it of its front wheel.

"Your fare totals... forty-eight ducats," advised the 'driver'. That price couldn't get me feeling any more queasy that I did already.

"I got this," Sasha said.

"Thanks... I'll sort the one on our way back."

We staggered out into the night. In what was becoming familiar fashion, the taxi's doors whirred closed, shortly before it accelerated away to leave us coming to terms with our surroundings.

Fine flecks of rain danced beneath the streetlight, caught up in the winds blustering against the hillside. The kind of rain that seemed to soak extra deep into your fur. I barely noticed. My attention was fixed solely on the the house ahead... number 285... The home of my birth parents.

"Kaz."

A short, almost electric jolt radiated out from my arm.

"Hey."

I saw Sasha's paw there, tugging.

"Let's get outta the street, yeah?"

"Uh... Right."

He led me out from under the gleaming light, up onto the pavement. The whole time, I examined that house. I never got the chance to get a view of it before now, what with Polcian privacy laws online. But now, I'd made it here. I could take in every last detail.

A short wooden fence separated us from the small patch of grass constituting a front lawn. Of the house itself, water stains under the guttering marked the grey walls, almost reaching down to the tops of the two darkened upstairs windows.

The front door also sat in darkness... Only a single sliver of light escaped the curtains of the solitary downstairs window.

Breathing evenly got tougher. My stomach tied itself into knots. I hacked out a cough, wrapping tingling fingers atop the front gate... I... watched further. Noticed the patches of bare mud around the garden. A well worn ball sat resting against their neighbour's fence.

"Hey, man."

I tried to push, to step forward, but... I couldn't. I couldn't go any further. I'd frozen. Been left unable to do anything but watch the world around me.

"You ready?" Sasha placed his own paw atop the gate.

My opportunity had arrived. I'd travelled so far to get there, got my target in my sights... but those last few steps were beyond me. Too much.

"Kaz?"

The tension in my fingers eased. My paw relaxed. Loosened. I stepped back and away. Peered around for something other than that house.

"What's up?"

Across the street, beyond all the parked cars, I spotted the tops of a slide and a swing set. Two steps left got me a better view of the small playground separating a pair of end terrace houses.

My legs thawed. Without a thought, they carried me forward. Back into the empty street.

"Where you goin'?" I could hear Sasha chasing. "Man, talk to me."

I hopped up onto the opposite pavement, swerving through the playground's own metal gate. The rubbery surfacing sank beneath my feet as I cut past a small seesaw, making a beeline for a seat on the rust-speckled swing set.

"You good?"

From here, I could still see my parents' house, but from a safe distance. A moped buzzed past on the road between. My cramps eased while a weight lifted from my chest. I could breath so much easier.

"Kaz!" Sasha dropped onto the next swing, the white of his muzzle pointed straight at me. "Are you good?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I'm good."

"Coulda fooled me." The chains clinked as he grabbed them in both paws. "Half thought you were gonna run all the way back downtown."

I didn't reply. Instead, I just... waited. I sat here waiting in the safety of this dark, tired old playground, perched on a swing barely wide enough to fit me.

My ears flicked to each passing car, and every whistle of the buffeting wind. They also picked up the ruffling of Sasha's coat as he raised his hood and stuck his paws deep into his pockets.

"Sorry. It's not good out here."

"It's cool," he answered, kicking off to rock back and forth.

I wanted to explain all this tension and uncertainty, all these different thoughts. Maybe it'd help me to understand, too. Instead, I sat there, staring across the street, trying to will this all better.

"What are you gonna say?"

That single line of light faded and brightened again. One of my parents moving around inside perhaps? "Don't know."

Metallic creaks sounded with Sasha's idle swinging. "Do you want me to do anything?"

I gave him a fast look. Sighed. "Don't know."

"Cool." I could hear his smile. "Glad we're on the same page at least."

It'd have been nice to throw something more back at him. It'd have been nice for a lot of this scene to be different. "I didn't think it'd be this hard."

"Can't imagine how this coulda ever been easy." My head whipped around. He stopped swinging. "What I mean is, don't beat yourself up over it."

"I'm not."

"Kinda sounds like you are." Was he ever gonna agree with me on anything? "I'll be honest, yeah?"

"Please."

"This whole situation is..." He reached up to shake one of the chains. "I didn't see myself sitting on a swing set in a shady part of town when I woke up this morning."

"Believe it or not, I didn't either."

Another car zoomed past, carrying a teeth-rattling bass line along with it. An elderly cat shuffled on by, her shopping bags sagging from both paws. That house, with all the others in the row, just waited. Unchanging. Unmoving.

"Reminds me a little of that park 'round the corner from Niko's."

"Huh?"

"That playground near his house," Sasha explained. "Used to stop off there on the way back from school sometimes."

"Ah..." I rubbed at my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I remember."

"Walked past it a few weeks back. It's not as big as it used to feel."

"Really?"

"I know, I know, it's still big, obviously... just not quite so much. The stuff our size sure looked smaller at least."

"Getting older'll do that." A trip down memory lane wasn't high on my list of priorities right then. I missed the silent Sasha from the taxi ride over.

"Made me think of that time during the summer holidays." He peered up to the sky, grinning. "Remember that day we headed up there after gettin' kicked off the roller hockey courts by those older kids? A bunch of us."

"You'll have to narrow it down."

"Ah, you know! Man, there must've been something like... hell, loads of us. Radek and Miro... Plus Niko, Jakob and loads other bigger guys we were with."

I blinked at him. Then I thought back. "...Yeah. We were... We'd just started high school."

"Right! Heh, we were way too old to be playing on those rides."

"I think we spent the whole afternoon there, messing around."

"'til you went home crying."

That was the clincher for me. In an instant, I travelled back a decade in time and few thousand miles east, directly to that mixed-size playground over on Melnikova Road. "That was the stupidest idea you'd ever come up with, and there's been a few!"

"Pfft." He threw out a paw to try batting that away. "No way."

"Yes way. Only you could think that four smaller guys crowding onto a kids' merry-go-round while Jakob and the others spun it was a good idea."

"It was a great idea. One of my best."

"You're just lucky you fell off early."

"That was Niko's fault," he moaned. "Started pushing before I was ready. Didn't get a chance to get set."

"Of course."

"You didn't win, either."

"No, I pretty much lost hardest out of everyone."

"Except distance travelled, maybe. Halfway to the sandpit, and almost that far into orbit."

"Tore a giant hole in my trousers and permanently scuffed up the brand new trainers my parents got me. Not to mention the blood all over." I rubbed at my knee. "Hell, my fur there never did grow back normally."

"At least your Dad took it well."

I hacked out a single snap of laughter. "Yeah, stopped just shy of grabbing Jakob and trying to beat my distance record with him."

"Almost got some good ol' raccoon-on-raccoon violence... Hell, I won't ever forget his face as he stomped through the gate, carrying you with him. He gave each and every one of us the hardest fuckin' time over that."

"All 'Never forget your size' and 'Think before you act'. I never got to live it down all through the rest of high school."

"Only 'cos we'd rather be on your bad side than his!"

Those memories grew hazy. That hot, sunny day faded, as did those old friends, one by one. Ten years passed in the blink of an eye, returning me here to cold, distant Polcia.

The biting evening air wrapped itself around me, my birth parents' house sitting right in the very centre of it.

"He doesn't know..." Those words spilled out, unable to be contained. Like I'd filled to the brim and began to overflow. "They don't know a thing about this."

"Your parents?"

"My family." My jaw hung open. The frigid air met my tongue. "All of them."

"I mean... you could call 'em. Now.

"I_can't_."

"It's late at home, but I don't they'd mi--"

"No." A whimper escaped as I slumped forward. "Like I said, I can't do that to them. They'd... think they've failed."

"They'll understand."

"You_honestly_ think so?" I hurled back. "And how exactly do you think that call'd go? 'Oh, hey, just calling to let you know, this whole vacation to Polcia? Yeah, it was a lie. I've found my real parents and I'm about to go meet them.' That'll help things no end."

"Might wanna try wordin' it a bit better than that."

"It's safe to say it'll go epically bad no matter what combo of words I throw into the mix."

"You damn sure ain't gonna know if you don't try, are ya?"

I whined again. Slumped further. Almost folded in two. "Stop trying to be helpful."

"...No." I peered up at him, catching his grinning muzzle peeking out from his hood.

"Ah..." A firm nudge of his leg drew a snort. "You dick."

"See," he replied. "You smiled. Goes to show there is a reason you keep me 'round after all."

"Only 'cos I can't shake you off my tail."

Sasha shoved. "Fuck you, Pandaboy."

I rocked back, swung forward, pushed out. "Screw you, too."

He ducked away, returning to catch me with a good, solid barge. The contact forced my grip from the chains. I went backwards. My arms flailed and I half yelled, half gasped. The rubber matting cushioned my fall... almost as well as my aching tail. Sasha burst into a fit of laughter.

"Ah... damn it."

"Kaz? You okay, man?"

"No." I let my head settle. Stared up at the cloudy sky. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing... I don't know what to do."

The swing set squealed with movement. "Way I see it, we've got two options..." Sasha's footsteps grew closer. "We... well, you_get up, we cross the street, and we go through with this..." He appeared overhead, watching with head cocked. "...Or, I up robo-taxi again, we head back to the hotel, and we forget all about this... If you think you _can forget."

This padded flooring went easy on my back at least. Shame the same couldn't be said of this decision on the rest of me.

"Y'know, not to rush ya, but we should probably decide soon." Sasha bounced on his feet, rubbing his paws together. "Never mind the weather, or this shady neighbourhood, I'm not sure how acceptable it is 'round here for a couple of guys to be lurking in a kids' playground. Even if it is late." I managed another stifled chuckle. "But listen... honestly, I'm cool with whatever you wanna do. Whatever you think's best."

"Thanks, man."

He reached out a paw. "Only thing I ask is that next time, I pick where we go on vacation."

"Deal." I grabbed it. Allowed Sasha to pull me back onto my feet. The house across the road came back into focus. Grew to dominate it. A tingle went through my paws. My stomach started to act up again.

"How you wanna play it?"

I dragged in a long, deep breath. Swallowed down as much fear and tension as I could stomach. My legs felt ready to play along.

We left the playground behind, stepping into and crossing the partition road. Finer details in the living window made themselves aware. The hatched curtain pattern. A flicker in the light from a TV perhaps.

Damp wood soaked my pads. Rusty metal chilled them. A flick of the lock and a nudge of the top saw the front gate creak open. Old brickwork, chipped and cracked, led a path to the front door. We started along it.

"You doin' alright?"

I could hear voices through the glass. Faint and distant. One last step took me up onto the concrete slab serving as a stoop.

"Kaz?"

"Yeah..." No doorbell. I reached out. Formed a loose fist... drummed it on my birth parents' front door.

Time crawled. A distant siren caught my ears. Too late for a warning. Those voices inside had stopped... only to be replaced by another, approaching. The small front door window lit up, knocking me back a half step. A blurred figure appeared from a doorway. Too late to run, now. A lock clattered. Then another. My paws trembled. My mouth became a desert.

With one final clunk, the door crept ajar. Light poured out from inside, stinging my eyes into adjusting.

"Hello?"

She stood there... about level with my muzzle... peering out from the half open doorway.

"Can... I help you?"

I took my time trying to process this. Not that all the time in the world would've been enough to. This whole picture... It shouldn't have been happening. My head screamed out loud, telling me something was wrong, telling me to turn and run. Something else, my heart maybe... told me to stay.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh..." I tried to clear my throat. One hack after another. It'd been left so barren, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to speak. "H... Hello."

She glared up at me, front door closing to hide her just that little bit more. I could still see every detail of her face. She was young... younger than I imagined. Her red shade of fur matched mine. Her blue eyes... took me back. Further than the playground, further than The Roscha... They called out from way back when. The orphanage. Before the orphanage.

"Listen, I don't know what you want, but whatever it is, I can't help you." The door squeaked towards me. The light faded. I jumped into action.

"Wait, wait." I jammed a foot between the door and its frame. "I am... sorry to bother you." Beyond that, words failed me. They utterly failed me. How in the hell could I carry on with this? How in the name of all the gods could I say 'I'm your son'? Either way, I need to think fast. Else those sirens might end up coming for me.

"I need to know..." My dry throat threatened to close completely. A tug at my shirt collar did nothing to help.

"Come on, Kaz," Sasha whispered, in Velikan. That helped neither my mother, nor I.

"Are you who I think you are?" Her brow creased at my questioning. She shrank back so far I thought she might be moving to run. "No-- I mean... Are you Mrs. Tressider?"

Everything and everyone stopped. She hovered. Took one step forward. "...Yes."

"Jennifer Tressider?"

Another recoil. The door jolted my way, but stopped short of slamming in my face. "Who are you?"

This was it. The moment... that would change everything. One way or another. Barely her muzzle remained visible. I couldn't wait. Fear be damned. I had to just up and say it--

"You... you had a son. You put him up for adoption when he was two."

Her jaw drifted open. Eyes widened. I could see the gears turning over, moment by moment.

"It's me... I'm Kevin."

Those sirens had gone. Disappeared into the night. My mother... her shock was tangible. This could have gone either way. She would either open up, or close me out completely.

"I... I don't..."

"It was in Zelengorod. Korikov Manor--"

"Yes, yes. I..." The door crawled open. Revealed her tail tucked tight around her. "I remember." She looked to Sasha behind me.

"It's okay. He is a friend."

I wasn't sure she'd registered that, but it got her attention back my way. I watched those gears grind on, and on. "I suppose... You should come inside."