Desperation for Peace
Possible triggers for depression/suicidal thoughts; but that seems to be a theme with my writing. Regardless; as always, constructive criticism is always welcome even if I wind up falling into my bad, and very old, writing habits.
Through all of the naive mistakes and the excruciating pain
I've realized that I've gradually burned all that I could gain
This lonely life is but more than a violent war that I was born to lose
Death would be the easiest escape that I could even hope to choose.
I will openly admit that I am but a fool and sickeningly feverish for love
I seek it like a child whose only dream is to break through to the heavens above
My demons, depression, and self-hatred torture me as if I've escaped the very gates of hell
In my dreams the images of you drown out everything until I wake up with a bestial yell.
And though I've lost this one-sided war; the final blow to my life felt like it was losing you
The reminders and memories mixed with this empty bed only serve to make me blue
My desperate search for peace seems to have finally come to its sad yet blissful end
As I tie this rope around my neck I can only wish that I could make time bend.
With one final drawn-out breath I prepare to finally kick this chair from beneath my legs
But suddenly I hear a once silent and forgotten voice please as it desperately begs,
I do the only thing that one can do when flashbacks of family, friends, and happiness have won
Silently sobbing as I untie this noose in acknowledgement that my life is not yet done.