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February 23rd, 2018

I can't quite recall even now the last couple of weeks before all of this went down. I believe I was still struggling to operate, a bit out of sorts due to the colder weather setting in, as well as my lack of work. I was pretty much relegated to keeping the house clean and... keeping myself busy with all manner of hobbies. This was likely to be a very boring period of my life until a certain... someone came knocking.

Oh dear, where do I even begin with this? So, believe it or not. This... pale, possibly albino Lucario arrived on my doorstep. Apparently searching for additional members for a "crew" of his. Bear in mind, I was totally caught off guard and... no, I did not accept any offer he made. He was exceptionally keen to hit on me and butter me up, but I found the whole ordeal rather uncomfortable, no matter how long we chatted for. That said, he was not alone. Two pokemon I had never seen before this moment were with him as well. A Flaaffy and a Swadloon, the former female and the later male. Such a ragtag bunch had apparently stopped off in Sinnoh to fuel up and gather supplies for a large ship docked to the far east of Snowpoint. I had never in my life seen the ocean despite only living a few dozen miles away from it, as mountains on all sides generally kept us rather isolated, and I had never left Snowpoint in my life. That said, I agreed to accompany them to at least see the ship (more than anything to humor the Lucario - goodness he was a pest), and off I went. Much to my surprise, it was more than a day's journey. I had never spent a night out in the elements, and it was simply dreadful, no matter how well bundled up I was. Despite the Lucario's ceaseless advances, his two comrades made up for his... rather uncouth behavior. The Flaaffy was a bit of an... eccentric sweetheart, and the Swadloon an incredibly intelligent and down-to-earth fellow who could converse with just about anyone on almost any subject. He read a lot as well, and as such we had plenty to talk about. As it turned out, the boat I had been told such grand tales about was more or less a disaster, barely held together and vaulting what must be several safety regulations. I can't imagine it didn't raise many eyebrows in busier ports.

That said, of course the Lucario continued his attempts to... grab my attention, I suppose. We spent a couple of days here, most of my time talking to the crew members and doing all I could to avoid the Lucario. That is, until he gave me another... more forceful invitation to join. It was clear to me that his intentions were rather disturbing, and with a little helpful intervention from my Swadloon friend, I readied my things again and left back for home, a full three days later.

Now you might ask, what was the point of all of this? Well, as it may sound strange, despite Liam I had never in my life had much full-scale interaction with... Pokemon. All of my time was spent chatting with and being around humans growing up. I had next to nothing in the way of relationships with other Pokemon, and this little adventure, despite its setbacks, caused a change in me. A change that... may have been too ambitious, but I wondered if it was the key to combating my unfortunate penchant for loneliness. Humans are... unfortunately not quite as durable as Pokemon. They can't handle drastic weather conditions, and as such are less freely available in the winter months of Snowpoint, harsh as they are. And so I wondered if... perhaps I would need to pull things back a bit. Allow myself to live a bit more freely and more... similar to my kind if I wished to lead a life of happiness again, especially now that I was so alone. Of course, I am practically worthless as Pokemon myself. I've said this many times. I simply cannot forfeit all of the comforts and protections I'm so used to, but I could at least stand to make myself more available.

And so I moved out. Yes, I... I essentially shut down the home I had lived in my whole life. Utterly and completely. I used the bank account to turn everything off. The water, the electricity, the heat. Everything, and essentially locked the doors until I was ready to sell the place. I moved everything I had, or at least wished to keep across town with the help of some of my friends, all in the span of no less than a week after my little adventure with the ragtag crew. There was a small home that had been up for sale for years, a seasonal home by someone who did not live in Snowpoint, with only two bedrooms and two bathrooms. This house was less than a thousand square feet. Less than a quarter than that of the home I had lived my entire life in, and I... I couldn't believe how much more I appreciated it. For the fact alone that it made cleaning so much easier, goodness. I cannot stress that enough. I could have all my chores done before lunch time every single day now. Oh it was lovely. But, not perfect of course. My aim was to... push myself out of the house. To not be bogged down by my pursuits and responsibilities so much that I remained cooped up inside all hours of the day and night. And this worked tremendously well from the start. I made it more of a habit, even as autumn and winter wore on, to venture out of the house more. Every single day I would go for a walk, as opposed to just a few times a week, all bundled up and cavorting with just about anyone willing to take the time to talk. Granted, this only happened for a few weeks.

Out one day for one of these walks, the snowfall was heavy as the first true white out of the year set in. I wanted to make things quick of course, and much to my surprise I came across an... Umbreon of all things. Yes, I know. You ask, what was an Umbreon doing in Snowpoint? I mean, after my little adventure with the ship's crew only a month or so before, I suppose nothing was too out of the ordinary of a sight. That said, this Umbreon was ill and struggling, and so I led him back to my home. He had nearly frozen to death out in the cold, and I spent the following few days nursing him back to health. His name was Nero, and... well, let's just cut to the chase on this one. I took a liking to him. Rather quickly. He was a bit timid, but very sweet. Always polite with many pleases and thank yous. And he provided me company. So much so that we got to know each other very quickly. And, what can I say? Two weeks after we had met, we had fallen for one another, and we were soon mates. This of course caused need for several adjustments from the start. He was entirely feral, having never lived domestically, and I was about as polar opposite to that as one could imagine. That said, he stayed with me, rather than the other way around, learning how to live in a household environment, and for months it was just... the two of us. I only say months because, Nero was quite the... eager fellow.

I've not yet talked about mating season because, it was nothing short of an uncomfortable time for me growing up. Dealing with a heat is rather excruciating when you're alone, and overall I - like I think most females - don't much care for process. But alas, it is unavoidable. And it, being my first one with another male about... well, to put things politely, I was expecting in no time whatsoever. Our first child, I... I named him after my dear old friend from those few summers ago. Liam. He was such a sweet pup from day one. His thing, having my genes of course, was art. He loved to draw, and I couldn't believe how able he was at it. I can hold a pencil and write, but my handwriting is nothing spectacular, and never for a moment have I fathomed myself creating works of art like a human could, but Liam had it in him. He spent most of his days trying to perfect his craft and... by the time he had evolved his artwork was absolutely stunning. Almost life-like.

Of course he wasn't alone. Not a few months later - I did mention how eager Nero was - we had another pup, named Macayla, a sweetheart as well, naturally. At first she was very clingy to her brother, but over time developed into a bit of a bookworm herself, always shut away in her room, learning to her heart's content.

Not a year prior I had been working as a part time maid and seamstress, still dealing with the legal ramifications of what Michael had left behind after his sentencing, working my paws to the bone just to keep myself busy and... by the following summer I had found a mate, and was the mother of two beautiful pups. Oh if... only things were so easy and simple. But, as it seems, my life was nothing if not constantly complicated.

Nero loved me dearly, and I loved him. For so long. Years in fact. And I hate to simply ignore huge reaches of time for now, but I said before that Nero and I are no longer together. I am married to Terror - I promise I'll have plenty to say about him soon - but I want to address what happened with Nero and I long before I talk about the... honestly few events that took place in the following years between then and just this past year.

It was complicated yes, but Nero was incredibly spacey. So much so that for long periods of time we never saw each other. We spent weeks, sometimes even months apart, as he set off doing who knows what. I never questioned it, and I myself wasn't entirely innocent either, as I later took on a job, but all this space caused a divide between us that I wasn't even prepared to admit was there until much later. Especially after Liam and Macayla had grown up and were old enough to make their own path. But we still had one other. More than a year after Macayla had been born, I had a third. And she- well, I had her completely on my own. I took care of her completely on my own. Nero vanished on me for... well over a month. Over the entire process of having our baby. I named her Dorothy, but Dot is what stuck, and rather fittingly, as she was exceptionally tiny and born under extremely dire circumstances. Rather than having my mate there to help me, as is common with Pokemon, I had to resort to doctors to keep my sweetheart alive. And I took care of her on my own for a small time, before Nero turned up again, with legitimately no good cause for his disappearance or where he had been.

It's safe to say things were never the same after that. Soon after this I took on a job - one I'll get into more here very soon - and Dot was essentially my daughter and mine alone. Though Nero tried to play his part as father yet again, Dot and I - we were inseparable. Now I know I'm leaving out plenty of details right now. As I said, I wish to keep things more on the level, and talk about the most important bits. While my life had changed drastically, it also put me back where I was after a long period of time. I had raised a family, but my two eldest were off living on their own, and my mate was... well, disinterested I think. I did all I could to be a loving and supportive mate - or at least all I knew how. But, I suppose it wasn't enough.

No, it was just me and my daughter. And my store. Oh, I cannot forget my store. I took out another lump sum of money and... in what I can only call a desperate attempt to find a place of peace and happiness, I decided to pursue my dream. That spring of 2015, I rented out a small outlet downtown near the shopping centre. Mind you, these little shops went in and out of rent on a near constant basis. So I decided to snatch one up with much of what was left of Michael's savings account and... I opened my own clothing store. Yes, believe it or not. A little Glaceon owning a shoppe on the corner of third west in Snowpoint. It was a short-lived, but wonderful time for me. I had a few stock items to be certain, but just about everything was custom-made by yours truly. I would even come up with designs by contract, a few different chains picking up my orders - goodness those discussions were stressful. But all in all, I did pretty well for myself. The support from the town was wonderful, but over time the orders began to really pile on. I was doing all the clothing work myself, after all. That's not to say I didn't have employees. Heavens no. I had a rotating pair of cashiers, as well as two delivery boys, so that certainly made things a lot smoother for me. But, the dream was rather short lived. After nearly six months of success, the orders piled on so much that I... found myself away from home most nights, often falling asleep in my office. Nero suggested that perhaps I was spending a bit too much time at work and... well, I certainly felt it. As much as I loved my job, I missed my daughter, and as it stands, life is simply too short for me to waste a minute of it away at a job. I don't have the luxury of living as long as humans do.

Just six months and I had made my sale. All of the effort and productivity resulted in a considerable net gain, however. Being able to outright sell my products away, rather than simply letting them go to waste after the fact helped matters immensely, and I ended up with more money than I had gone into it. And once again I settled down. Despite the... growing turmoil between Nero and myself, as yet still he would disappear on occasion. And still I would never question his whereabouts or his reasoning. I simply allowed it to happen. As a result, all of those same psychological issues began to creep back in.

One night I found myself asleep on the couch in the lounge, even though I know for certain I had gone to bed in my own room. A few of the cupboard doors were ajar in the kitchen as well, and I knew. I knew what keeping all of this to myself was doing to me. And yet I was... so afraid to tell anyone. Including my own mate. Thinking back on it I... don't know if I fully trusted him enough to tell him. Perhaps that was all my fault. But I had to keep it a secret somehow. Yet at the same time, I needed closure of some kind. I knew it was only going to get worse.

I confronted him. Perhaps my greatest mistake was in thinking he would be forward and willing - he never was. Not since I'd met him was he aggressive in any situation. He was never one to tackle things head-on. I talked to him about the concerns and fears I had felt ever since Dot's conception. And how... I never quite felt like he was all there, nor that he was telling me whether or not I was doing my part. I wondered if it was my fault for his constant disappearances. And yet, he simply avoided all of it. Quick to dismiss and take all the blame, yet... nothing changed. Not a few months later, he was off again, leaving me to my own devices. I don't know if I had it in me to keep things a secret anymore. Yes I had my sweet little girl with me still, but it didn't stop the recurring night terrors or the sleepwalking. And I...

I almost made such a grave mistake that night...

I panicked, and I took nearly an entire bottle of anti-anxiety medication in mere hours... It wasn't helping fast enough. Not until I fell asleep.