Love & Faith Chapter 1: The Tag
Chapter 1: The Tag
It was mid-December when it happened, when my life took its new turn. I was just a young dalmatian, and yet, I was more. I always had that feeling that someday, I would mean more, to someone, somewhere. I just didn't expect it to be someone like him, and at the time, I didn't know someone like me could matter to him. It happened so quickly; I just couldn't keep up. My mind was still developing, and I was still making myself. I didn't know who I wanted to be. A devoted Catholic, a gay activist, or a normal social teen, I couldn't choose much less keep up with these new developments in my life. It was so difficult, to choose between a new life, open and free, or my old life, slave to what others wanted. In the end, everything worked out I guess. It wasn't without sacrifice though, or confrontation. Well, I'm alive at least... just barely.
The chill of the air seemed to pass right through my skin and go straight to the bone. Coldest winter in 10 years is what some have been telling me. God's wrath on the sinners is what a lot of others have been saying. I believe God just wants us to appreciate the warmth we had. There's always a reason for everything is what I was taught. "God wouldn't do anything without a good reason. From the biggest war to the smallest leaf falling, everything has a reason," is what my father always told me. He raised me on that. So when the temperature dropped, it was no different. It happened to be that Sunday that I first saw it on the side of the church. It was a common sight around the city. The only reason it caught me off guard was because it was on the side of our church. I couldn't even image the kind of person that would do that. Part of it, though, mesmerized me. It was just a simple spray tag with the word "Believe" and yet the letters captivated me as if some larger mystery lay behind them. Every time I went to the church I stopped and gazed at the tag as if it was the first time I had saw it all over again. My parents would have to call my name to get me out of the daze I would be in as I stood in front of that same wall every week. "Rendal," they would have to yell on the way to the car. I would snap out of the daze, but the curiosity stayed with me. I always imagined or fantasized the being that put the tag up. It was the most interesting thing in the world to me and I didn't understand why. It was just there. I often wondered if everything had a reason, then what's the reason I can't get it off of my mind? That one word consumed my world completely. "Believe." The question is 'believe' in what? The fact it was on a church made me assume it was religion but deep down inside I couldn't help but think it was something else.
For months that word controlled me, gave me an optimism that everyone could notice. It was like a new me, a happier me. That mood kept continuing for quite a while. I was the devoted catholic, the reliable friend, and the responsible son. Everything just fit into place. My life felt renewed. It was so stupid how one spray tag from what was probably some raccoon delinquent could change my perception of everthing. Still, my mind couldn't let go of it. In school I often drew it in the margins of my tests. It was amazing that I still did well in my classes. My parents seemed like they were actually proud of me, which was a first. All my life it seemed like I wasn't good enough for them. It was these days where the mysterious word was in my head that seemed to be the best in my entire life, but as time moved on, my curiosity grew stronger. I had to have the answers to all the questions that had been swirling around in my head.
It wasn't until spring came that the first developments had popped up; the tag was taken off. Apparently, now that it was spring, the church decided to finally wash it off the wall. The funny thing was I wasn't sad about it. In fact, I was excited. It was like they were calling him out. Sure enough, not even a week later, the same exact tag reappeared. It was completely identical. It was if the tagger used copy paste. At the time, nothing could have made me happier. My parents were sickened by it. The very site of the tag made them want to murder the tagger. I remember my father saying, "You're 17, you should know better," when he saw my excitement. I knew it was wrong to like it, but it's the message, it kept me wondering. Believe what? Who is this person? What is their reason? It wasn't like the other tags in the city, it wasn't hateful. There was no evil behind its simple message. Over and over again it got taken down, but it always seemed to reappear, standing tall among the oppression. One day, three days after the 13th time it was taken down, I decided to hide in the bushes just outside the wall it makes its appearance on. I sat there for hours waiting for the tagger to show up. It was at eight pm when he finally showed up. I couldn't see his face under his hood but I didn't have to. I smiled, got up, and walked away after seeing him take out a can of spray paint from his bag. That was all I needed to see. Just to know that he did exist was enough for me... for now.