I've Got Your Back
#1 of Broken Beginnings
The beginning of a brand new series Broken Beginnings in which a young wolf desperately needs help, even if he doesn't realize how badly he needs it.
"You're worthless," grunts the gravely voice of a heavy-set wolf, forcing each word through a heavily clenched jaw. He is clad in his work clothes, though his shift ended hours ago. His black and blue police chief uniform bulges slightly at the gut. He doesn't wear it expecting a call to go save lives spontaneously, quite the opposite really, "You know that right?" His nose twitches in anger, just on the left side making his lips wrinkle as he waits for my admission.
"I-It's just a B," I whimper, my voice trailing off with the growing intensity of his stare.
"What was that!" he growls, digging his claws into the deteriorating fabric of his lazy-boy.
"No-nothing, I'll do better on my next paper I swear!" his snout scrunches at the base creasing his brow. His eyes are in shadows, only highlighted by the occasional flash from the TV. Threads from his chair tear, their popping sounds as they rip seem to be in rhythm with the labored rise and fall of his furred chest. He is a dragon who has just been awoken from a century nap by a puny misadventurer.
"NOTHING!" he snarls, his bared teeth glistening with the slightest amount drool, "It certainly didn't sound like 'nothing'!"
Heart in my throat, I can't seem to muster up any tangible words. The corners of my widened eyes tear up, "I-I s-s y..."
"What was THAT!"
"I'm s-"
"LOUDER!!"
I close my eyes and take a shaky breath, "I'm sorry sir, y-you're right."
His intensity doesn't lighten, but pauses just short of a balled fist to the chest, or wherever he thought it was necessary 'teach a lesson.' "Damn right you are," his head finally turns back in the direction of the TV, his eyes are remain locked on me in my trembling state. He pauses, as if waiting for me to slip up and aggravate him.
Unconsciously I take a small step away from his fiery gaze, my brain;s natural self defense mechanism overriding my own knowledge of what would happen if I didn't stand absolutely still. The brain is usually good at making split second decisions to get away from natural predators. Unfortunately, he is anything but natural.
"DID I SAY YOU COU-"
"Mr. Malsay?" a voice interrupts his tirade.
His demeanor shifts instantly, his paws relaxing and face releasing tension, the only remnant of his previous behavior is his snout twitching ever so slightly on the left, "Oh good, Jack you're just the guy I need," he says, exhaling the rest of visible fury, though I know it's still there, "My boy here doesn't seem to understand the importance of good grades."
A tall doberman walks casually in, his short fur glistens in the low light of the TV giving him a sort of halo. The light accentuates his muscled body as he walks towards me placing a gentle paw on my shoulder.
"Well luckily that's what I'm here for," he pats me on my shoulder, even though it was hardly a tap I almost collapse trying to hide my nerves, "Why don't we see about getting that calc assignment started?"
"Y-yeah ok," I stutter trying with all my might to act like nothing happened.
"Ah, now I think I'm gonna turn in," he looks over his shoulder at me as Jack and I walk to my room. I try to keep walking, to pretend like I didn't hear him, "Oh come on now, what do you say when I go to bed?"
I turn, trying to show as little of my face as possible, "Goodnight... Dad"
"Goodnight, Avery," he speaks so effortlessly, not a hint of his previous anger seeping through.
I turn the corner into my room and shut the door behind me, exhaling in relief.
My room is just about as bare as can be: no posters hanging on the walls, no trinkets or themed tee-shirts, not even a good book to read. Just the "essentials" as my dad put it: a desk in the corner with a metallic lamp and an assortment of writing utensils, along with a bed. The concrete-gray color of the walls as artificial as they are comfort me with their familiarity. It's how I fall asleep, staring straight up at the greyish color as my eyes fill with sleep.
"Ave?" Jack looks at me quizzically his voice insistent.
His stare brings me back to earth, "Sorry sorry," I shuffle over to the desk where my the looming homework sits. I shift some papers around and find what seems to be my calculus assignment grab a pencil, "Let's get this calc problem out of the way."
A paw inhibits me from placing my pencil of the page, "Uh, Ave? You ok?"
"I'm fine, it's just my-" I hesitate, "I'm fine."
"Uh-huh, you may be fine," I furrow my brow as he lifts the paper I was about to write on off the desk, "But have you forgotten how to read?"
HALL PASS reads the first line in bold Times New Roman. I swat if away dismissively as I search for my originally intended selection. "I'm fine, I'm fine just give me a sec."
As my paws rifle through the remaining stack of papers, Jack slides a small packet of paper over.
"Oh...Thanks," I say trying to shake off the confusion from earlier. Even if 'he' is on the other side of the house, he still is in my head. I can practically hear his voice screaming at me, telling me to shut up and do my work. I can't help but feel ashamed of myself, slouching over in my chair just thinking about it. "I-I need to use the bathroom," I stand abruptly from my desk leaving the room at a pace just short of running. I push the door open quickly, slamming my body into it with a force of desperation. Stumbling in I slam the door behind me allow my legs to finally collapse beneath me.
I kneel on the floor, head sunken as if I'm about to be executed. Certainly feels that way, I can imagine my dad, or whatever you want to call him, stepping out from behind the shower curtain, eyes blazing with the fury of a thousand disappointments. He would step towards me, fists balled, face scrunched with his nose twitching. He wouldn't speak; he would know I already knew what I had done. And what was to come. He would pull back his arm, sighting down his clenched fist and strike with unrelenting force.
I collapse, cradling head in my paws. I have learned to hold back the tears, but I can't stop sniffling. My tail curls around to my paws. I hold it tightly, burying my sniffling snout in its fur. Chest rising and falling unevenly, shakily I inhale and exhale as I curl up in as tight of a ball as physically possible. My ears fall flat on my head trying to block out everything but the sound of my own breathing and the gentle throb of my heart.
Tap tap tap.
The sound seems so far away it could be on the other side of the world for all I care.
Tap tap tap.
"Ave?" Jack's gentle voice echos in the tiled room, surrounding me in its good intentions.
Deep breath in, hold, release, "I'm fine, just," I can't help but sniffling, "Just give me a-a minute."
The familiar click of the handle on the bathroom door resounds the the room, bringing me up with a jolt. Jack's snout sticks through the crack between the door and the frame, "Can I come in?" he asks, "We don't have to talk or anything, I'll just sit."
My instinct is to say no, to tell him I'm fine, wipe away the tears and go about doing my homework as if nothing happened. I try to say it, but my body won't let me. Somewhere deep down I know I need someone, anyone to be there for me, but I can't say that either. I can't even open my mouth.
"Ok," is all he says with an understanding tone. He slowly opens the door, seeing me on the floor teary-eyed as he enters. He promptly closes and locks the door behind him. Sliding down to my level, he props himself against the door, ensuring that we would not be disturbed.
"Ok," he repeats, assessing without judging. He pauses, sitting still for a minute as if giving me time to adjust, then pats the floor next to him inviting me over.
Hesitating, I fiddle with my tail between my paws for a moment. His relaxed pose shows no sign of demand, rather the opposite: asking permission for me to sit beside him. And at this moment... I don't think there's anyplace I would rather be.
My legs seem not to have recovered yet, so I drag myself over to his side breathing deeply in attempt to stifle my tears. I mirror his position, leaning against the door with legs extending out to the rest of the room. My tail sits in my lap, held with my paws against my chest. I stare straight ahead, still trying to keep my emotions in check. I feel Jack shift slightly, then feel one of his strong arm wrap around my back, then a gentle nudging of my ears as he places his head on mine. His chest is so close to me that I can hear his heart. It beats with a gentle bum-bum, which somehow brings me back into the present.
Bum-bum, my legs relax sinking to the floor.
Bum-bum, the tension in my shoulders releases, allowing me to be closer to Jack
Bum-bum, I close my eyes and a wave of emotions washes over me. Tears pour down my cheeks like an unrelenting storm. I can't help but whimper. Jack holds me closer, pulling me into his chest. I embrace it pressing myself as close to him as possible, wrapping my arms around him as he did to me.
We sit there for what seems like an eternity, Jack holding me as I release all of my suppressed tears. I wish I was able to stay like this forever, pressing against Jack's warm embrace.
"It's okay pup," I feel Jack's words through his chest, "I'm sorry your dad's like this. No kid deserves a parent like that."
"Wha- how did you-" I sit up slightly looking at him.
"Pup, I've been your tutor for three months now," he states simply, "Did you really think I wouldn't notice how much of an ass your dad is?"
"Well I-" I stutter with the realization that I'm not as alone as I used to be, "I guess not."
Jack looks me in the eyes with the slightest grin, "Well you're damn right I noticed," he starts to stand up. Offering a paw he asks, "Think you're ready to get up now?"
I sit for a moment staring at his paw while processing all that happened in the past minute. Did that just happen? Is this all a dream? I shake myself out of my hazy state, "Uh-huh," I mumble taking his paw.
He pulls me to my feet, "Alright then pup, let's head back to your room then."
Jack opens the door, leading me through the short hallway back to my room. Jack looks over his shoulder to check if I'm still with him, then opens the door back into my room.
This feels almost wrong; nobody has really had my back before. I haven't really made that many friends in school, and the ones that I have aren't close at all. They'd probably run the opposite direction as soon as they figured out who I really am. That's how it's supposed to be, but here's Jack, who knows more about me then anyone else, but instead of leaving, is getting closer.
"Why?" I think aloud, almost not realizing it was a word from my mouth instead of in my head.
"Why what?" Jack says turning towards me.
"Why... do you care?"
"Why do I-" he pauses seemingly astounded by the question, "Pup, you have no idea how the world works do you? It's not 'every fur for themselves;' we help each other. We have each other's backs, " he walks over to me embracing me in a tight hug, "And even if no one else wants to, which I'm sure isn't true, I have yours. I've got your back pup."
I hug him back with unfathomable amounts of gratitude. His arms pull me close in a protective grasp, allowing me into his warm embrace once again, then releases with a deep exhale, "I've got you, pup."
We look each other in the eye for a moment, just a single heartfelt moment.
"Ok," Jack sighs, "Let's get to that calculus."
"Um," I say gesturing towards the blatantly obvious tear stains on his shirt. He looks to where I am pointing, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine, Ave, it'll wash-" he pauses as he sees me rummaging through my dresser frantically, "Really it's fine Ave, don't-"
"Here," I toss over the hockey jersey I got when my dad thought I needed to man up and play some sports. Of course it was about six sizes too big so I figure it'll fit Jack, "I'm really sorry about the shirt, I hope that's okay."
Jack holds it up to his torso checking the size, "Looks about right," he tosses the jersey onto the bed, freeing his paws to remove his stained shirt. I can't help but stare as the receding fabric reveals his muscular torso.
The dobie's shiny coat only accentuates his abs and chest, giving each muscle its own emphasis. I can't keep my eyes off him, even though my natural inhibitions tell me to look anywhere else in the room. I try to drag my eyes away, but body lying underneath his shiny brown and black fur is too entrancing. His patterning is that of a typical doberman: two patches of tan near each shoulder and a mostly black chest. He has a little tan patch on the right side of his stomach that contrasts the norm of a dobie's coat. It sticks out from the rest and is shaped almost like a heart. I had never taken the time to really look at him, I guess my focus on getting straight A's distracted me from any sort of pleasurable sights may have been sitting right next to me the whole time.
"Ave, I thought we went over this," Jack's voice breaks my trance, "I'm not completely oblivious."
I suddenly find the floor very interesting, "Sorry, I-I didn't mean to-" I shift nervously trying to hide my reddening cheeks, "Sorry."
I peek up to see Jack with a slight grin forming at the corners of his mouth, obviously not offended by my staring. But just as quickly as it formed it left replaced with a grimace and a look of panic, "Oh Christ pup, you're not gay are you?"
The bluntness of the question catches me off guard. Jack usually had a simpler, gentler way of putting things but he seemed to have his fur ruffled about this, "Um well I- um," I stumble on my words, my mouth trying to run a million miles a minute while my brain is stuck in neutral.
Jack looks me in the eye his face as grave as I've ever seen, "Does your dad know?"
That was all it took. My mind catches up instantly now running through all the scenarios to come if he were ever to find out that not only am I an unsatisfactory son, I've committed the crime of being attracted my own gender. What if he finds out? What if he's listening right now? Why did Jack look so panicked, is he going to tell?
My eyes widen with the sudden realization that my life is potentially about to get a whole lot worse. The past few years have been so insane trying to keep up with school and attempting my dad's expectations, I hadn't really realized until now that I'm not at all interested in the female form.
I'm so caught up in my head, playing out all the possible scenarios, I don't realize I'm falling until my knees hit it with unrestricted force.
"Oh pup," Jack rushes over to me, "Hush now, everything's going to be fine. We're going to figure this out okay?"
I stare straight forward tears pooling in my eyes. Nothing is okay.
"Ok," Jack says with a long exhale, his brow furrows with thought. He cradles me in his arms staring intensely forward trying to figure out how to proceed. His face shows the utmost seriousness with gears turning in his head. Even though the gravity of the situation is overwhelming, the amount of concern Jack has stops me from losing it. I can't help but hope there might be a way out of this, that he will come up with some genius plan to keep my dad from literally killing me.
"Alright pup," his eyes light up with an epiphany, "Do you trust me?"
Do I trust you? There's no one I've trusted more in my entire life, "Uh-huh."
Jack shift to an upright position, pulling me to my feet with him, "Good," he wipes the remnants of my tears off my face, "Because what we're about to do... is gonna seem a bit... no, it is a bit crazy. Do you have a duffel bag?"
"Uh yeah, under my bed," I answer trying to figure out where his mind is going, "Why?"
"To pack your clothes and whatever else you want," he responds, digging around under my bed to find the aforementioned bag, "Cause- ah here we go," he pulls out my black duffel I used for carrying my hockey equipment, "Because we're about to go for a road trip. And I don't think either of us wants to come back here anytime soon."
"Ok," I say, though my actions don't reflect my agreement. I am frozen trying hard to figure out what I should do next, even though the answer is obvious.
"Come on pup," Jack insists with a hushed voice, "We don't have a lot of time. Grab what you need from your dresser. We're getting outta here tonight."
Working on instinct alone, I walk over to my dresser and start unceremoniously shoving clothes in my duffel, not taking a second look as to what I'm actually taking. Packing light is easy it seems by default, I don't exactly have that many clothes to begin with. I could probably fit the entire contents of the dresser in the duffel if I wanted to.
"Alright, is there anything else you really need?" Jack asks, obviously getting anxious about leaving in a timely fashion, "I'm sorry to rush but, well you understand the stakes here"
"It's fine and I don't think so," I says zipping up the bag hurriedly, "I've got everything I need."
"Then let's go," he starts herding me out of the bedroom but then freezes in the hall, holding me back with a protective paw, "Wait a sec," he whispers, "Let me check if your dad is still up."
I stand absolutely still as Jack moves around the corner to enter the living room, afraid to even breath. He disappears, checking the entirety of the room just to be safe. I panic for a moment as I can't see or hear him but then he pokes his head around the corner again and I finally let loose the breath I had been holding.
"Alright, let's get outta here," he whispers urgently.
We carefully, yet hurriedly step through the living room making our way towards the front door. Neither of us speak, hoping beyond anything we won't disturb my dad who is hopefully sleeping in the next room over. Reaching the front door, Jack unlocks the deadbolt as slowly and quietly as possible, then we rush out the door to Jack's car.
"Come on! Get in!" Jack fumbles with his keys, almost dropping them trying to get in the car, "Ok here we go," Jack swoops in, jamming the keys into the ignition starting the car with a jolt.
I hurry into the passenger seat, tossing my bag in the back. The car lurches forward, starting to drive away from the only home I have ever known. Although not many good memories were made there, it's where I have spent most of my life. I can't help but feel a touch of grief as we turn off my block, well my old block now.
"We're gonna be driving for a while Ave," Jack says from the driver's seat, "You might want to get some rest."
Though sleep is the last thing on my mind, my body starts to relax into the seat. Every breath I take seems to be a sigh of relief, slowly relinquishing me of my tension. Even though I fight it, sleep comes quickly with the gentle lull of the engine. I open my eyes one last time to see Jack smile at me, then pass out.