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Somewhere Out There Act 20 - Drown By Bartan Tirix

...We need to have a talk. Writer to audience. I know you were probably expecting another act of this story, but right now I'm pissed. I'm irked to think that nobody even reads these things anymore. I'm irritated from the lack of feedback, and I'm just convinced right now that this will go completely unheard. Completely unanswered. Completely ignored.

I post my stories on five different sites. FurAffinity, Inkbunny, Wyseal, SoFurry, and FurryNetwork. What I find interesting is; during these last couple of acts, I haven't gotten a damn decent response from any of them anywhere. Five Different Sites. Let me repeat that a bit slower for you: F-I-V-E. And not one response? From anyone? Seriously?

You can see why I'm getting a little irked about writing these things lately. Why I've somehow convinced myself that they are just going to be over-shadowed or glanced over time and time again. So, my question right now is: Why should I even bother continuing? I've been writing for four years now, totaling up to maybe 16-18 novels worth (Novel being around 80,000 words), and I've yet to get much attention from_Anything_I've done. This series? SOT? Was the first time I've actually got some decent recognition for something I've worked on. Where I actually recieved more than three comments on a single piece, a single act.

This bear you've been reading up on, it's actually me. Not the person who I want to be, not just a mask to put on when no one else is looking around, it's full-on _ ME _. Bartan. Everything from thoughts, opinions, bad habits - All real. And I was beginning to think that maybe people actually did like the person I was, because this series was a damn gamble. Not only for the very first 'Fan-fiction' I've ever attempted, but actually putting_myself_in the story.

I'm a terrible human being. I have something called Schizoid Personality Disorder, not even an entire year since that diagnosis. And I've been struggling to make sure I never _defined_myself with three initials: SPD. Regardless of how true it is, that's not who I wanted to be. I know that I can't get lonely, that was a strength I felt like I naturally had. I know I'm very anti-social, I've always just had a hard time understanding human beings and the thing's they've done. The traditions they've struggled to hold onto, only to strangle them in their embrace. I've seen Endless problems with your species, to the point where I can't call myself human anymore. Because I'm just too different from everyone I've met, sometimes even biologically.

But SPD doesn't define Misanthropy. When someone sees another in trouble of some sort, even if it's not serious, and they think "Someone else will help them." Yet no one ever does, because everyone else is thinking the same thing. This is called the Bystander Effect, and it his ripped my damn life apart time and time again. I've suffered from near cronic neglection, and I've done well not to turn out insanely needy like many people would think. But not being 'insanely needy' doesn't mean I don't need anything from people. That I don't deserve at least some sort of actknowledgement for something I've done.

...Five different sites, and nobody says anything? This goes for the past four years-though to be fair: two of them are ones I joined in around October. Those being Inkbunny and FN. And I'm not writing this to_punish_anyone, but Mother Of _ God _, this has got to stop...! Because I spend a lot of time doing this, carefully writing out conversations. Spending time with my husbands and wife to make sure everything makes sense. That each line is within character, that each character is at least decently interesting!

I don't have to do this. I don't have to post these things-let alone for free. For you to read whenever you like, to go out of my way to fix things and self-edit them. To give something worthy of your time, yet not so long that it feels like a chore to get through. But Feedback is important to keep something like this alive. Fan Interest is something I need- some sort of response! You can argue that Favorites are somewhat of a compliment-but not much of one. A favorite doesn't tell me what I've done right or wrong, it doesn't tell me how long you've taken to get through these or if you've even enjoyed them. It doesn't ask questions by itself, nor does it attempt to provide anything really helpful.

Let me tell you something that I attempted the week I posted Act 19: I ended up trying something heavily adultery called Rex Overboard, it's likely in the same damn gallery or site that you're reading this on. And when I mean heavily adultery, I mean _ heavily _. There was next to no character, no development, no real relationships or progress. Just a bunch of fetish porn, really. Yet, in the first 24 hours of posting it, that lazy story that took almost no effort got about 15 favorites. That is a Milestone for_any_one of my pieces-likely the most on any piece of literature I've done.

Is this what you want? Something non-thought provoking? Something that just gets you off after a long stressful day? I can understand the need for it every once in a while, but here I thought Character mattered. That Progress mattered. But really... It's just porn? I know- I know, it was something different than SOT, and it had nothing to do with the series, but think back to what I said before:

Five Different Sites. And the last few Acts. AKA: the ones without adultery. Even the last one that had a 'session' (though it was so damn short that it barely counts as one) didn't even get anything. It was Act 15 - Give where I got my last comment- though I will state that on SF: 19 - Ghost Beach did get one, I'm not counting it due to someone asking what happened to Act 13 there. It turns out, I forgot to post it on that site.

But apparently this means that people _Are_reading this series, yes? So what the Fish? Not even just SOT, but everything that I've posted since the beginning of December pretty much. And no feedback whatsoever. You can argue that it was due to the holidays, but they've been over for about a month by now... Guys... Silence doesn't fuel creativity. This is _not_okay, and I am _ not _alright. I need to know that _ Somewhere Out There _, some one is Listening... Because lately it feels like Nobody is.

...I get it. You have things to do in your life. Possibly a job or a family to look after. Perhaps only so much time on a computer or device. Many of you will probably think that you don't know how to comment on someone's work, I've heard that excuse eighteen dozen times. It's not rocket science: take it from someone who is pretty much considered a professional at it: Talk. To. Them. Tell them what you like about it, what you didn't like about it. What you thought was funny, unfunny, boring, entertaining. Does a certain part remind you of a story that happened in your life? Does a character somehow remind you of a part of yourself!? Seriously! Even just a God damn text heart (<3) is enough for me to know that someone out there has actually read this...! That they actually care about something I've created! Put Effort Into, getting as close as I can to the source material! That I've put my _ Literal Self _into...!

...Don't let this series drown... Because right now, I don't have a reason to continue it.