Letting the Days Go By (Kreet 14)

Story by bluedraggy on SoFurry

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#16 of Kreet

Image from Nimtai here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22123699/

I posted this chapter right after 13 so you might need to back up one to get em in order.

And yes, chapter title is a reference to the Talking Heads' "Once in a Lifetime" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wg1DNHbNU

It's such a quirky song, but - and I may just be reading my own thoughts into it - it's an extremely powerful song underneath the 80s goofiness.

And you may tell yourself, "My God! What have I done?"

What does that have to do with Kreet the Kobold? Some things I may not ever be able to explain.


The wedding of Karl and Vosa went without a problem, and if there was a coldness between Vosa's First and Karl's First, it wasn't noticed by anyone but themselves. As planned, Karl and his wife moved into the shack outside the Monastery and made a home there. Karl was promoted to First Level Cleric some months later and began teaching the other Acolytes. Though not a True Cleric, in that he didn't venture forth into the world, nonetheless his mastery of the magical aspects could not be ignored and he was a good teacher.

For her part, Kreet threw herself into her studies more than ever, but her physical training sessions with Brand did not resume. This obviously did not escape the notice of her Master, but since neither her nor Brand seemed to want to discuss the matter, he did not persue it.

More than a year passed and Karl's new baby boy kept him at home when he wasn't teaching, so Kreet saw little of him. Mostly she saw the inside of her room which she kept dark these days. Her unique vision allowed her visibility in total darkness, and she liked it dark. She also began studying the kobold language. She had been speaking the human tongue so long, she realized she had all but forgotten her own. The books Ka'Plo had written along with his own books on the subject and her memory helped as well.

"Kreet, could you come into my room for a few minutes," the Cleric Quint said to her one day after her class.

Kreet nodded, responding in Kobold and following him into his private chamber.

"Kreet, I don't know what's been happening with you. You've become reclusive and I'm worried about you. Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Master, I am preparing for my Apostolate. I wish to bring the light of Pelor to my own kind. I must remember what it is to be a kobold in order to do that."

"That is good. I feel you are ready for that. Brand as well. We wait only for the spring to arrive - the traditional season to inaugurate new Clerics. Karl was, of course, a special case."

Kreet nodded.

"Are you considering travelling with Brand?"

Kreet's eyes turned dark and she muttered something. "I will not," she said flatly.

The Cleric let some time pass before responding, "You are both fine people, Kreet. And traveling with a fellow Cleric is an honorable and traditional way to begin the rest of your life as an Apostle of Pelor. Will you not consider it?"

Kreet started to reply immediately, then hesitated. Her training asserted itself. Do not be too hasty in decisions, she told herself.

"I... will consider it."

And so she did. She considered her feelings for the boy - no, she had to admit, he was no boy any longer. Brand was a man. She still felt something burn within her when she saw him, but the time they had spent apart had helped her to heal and focus on other things. She was looking forward to her future life actually, which was something she could not have said a year before.

But, actually travelling with him... It would probably open old wounds that had only barely begun to heal. Wounds that were not his fault, but nonetheless hurt her deeply. She thought about that too. Embarassment, really. Embarassment is such a self-centered feeling. It assumes the whole world is looking at you and laughing at you, when the world might have just glanced your way once, chuckled, and moved on. But embarassment insists they are still looking, remembering, judging and finding you wanting.

A knock came at her door. She knew it was Brand immediately. She opened the door and ushered him to a chair, then closed the door bringing on utter darkness.

"I can't see anything you know, Kreet," he said.

"I know. I like it this way. What do you want, Brand?"

"I just was talking to the Master," he began.

"About the Apostalate. And travelling together?" Kreet said, laying back down on her bed and watching the blind man try to face her in the darkness.

"Yes, about that. Kreet, I know what's been going on between us. I wish I could fix things."

"You know I plan to go underground, right? I'm going to try and find my own kind there," she said, practically ignoring him.

"I know. But I could come too. You'll need some help. Kreet, they might kill you on sight. Inter-kobold wars aren't unheard of you know."

"Read up on your Kobold have you?"

"Yes Kreet. I know what you're doing - what you're planning for. I have been studying too."

Kreet switched to the kobold language, "Have you? What am I saying then?"

Brand responded, after a short pause while he was obviously working out the words, in passable kobold, "I have. You are asking me what you are saying."

Kreet smiled. "You have been studying!"

"Kreet, about that night..."

Suddenly two red orbs flashed and Brand could see a little of Kreet's face.

"Brand, shut up. To say that I don't want to talk about it would be a gross underestimate. Forget about that night. I was stupid, okay?"

"Jeeze, lighten up Kreet! You're glowing red! Okay, consider it forgottten."

"It's not forgotten, Brand. I just don't want to talk about it. But as for us travelling together. Do you really want to?"

"I really do, Kreet. I want to begin my Apostalate with you."

The fury abated and her eyes stopped glowing while she considered this.

Finally she crossed to the door silently, testing her ability to do so and she didn't miss the fact that Brand did not turn to follow her. She opened the door and the light streamed in from outside.

"I'll consider it, Brand. If you really want to come with me... REALLY want to... keep studying my language. I'll talk to you again about it in a few days."

Brand jumped a bit at her voice coming suddenly from behind him as the door opened and he saw her standing there.

"Jeeze Kreet, you scared me!"

The little kobold walked over to him and touched his hand. "Brand... I'm not a human. I feel like I'm only now beginning to understand what that means. For all my life I've been trying to be human. That night... I failed. I failed miserably and it took me a long time to realize why. I'm not a human, and I need to get better at being a kobold. If I frighten you while doing that, I apologize. But I am what I am, and I need to stop trying to be anything else."

Brand nodded and stepped out into the light of the hallway. Kreet closed the door and lay back on her bed, looking at the door in the black light of her cell. She felt so much less certain that she sounded. What she said was all true, but she also knew she could never be totally kobold either. She may have the shape, but her mind was still far too human. And his hand had been so goddamn warm.

A few days later Kreet invited Brand back to her room. She was supposed to just talk about their future Apostalate together. But in the darkness, they talked for hours. Though she thought she had hardened herself in the months since that night after the party, Kreet realized she had only been fooling herself. Her feelings hadn't changed - they'd only been covered.

Then, somehow, they were no longer talking and the only light in the room came from Kreet's glowing blue eyes. This time the kiss meant a lot more, and she felt his arms wrap around her like her own arms wrapped around him. Warmth flooded her heart and the light went out as she closed her eyes and forgot about the world, for just a moment.

Until the door opened.