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Chapter 7-A

Raphon

I spent two weeks going through some of the most rigorous and invasive tests that Belle or I had ever endured, and the consensus was that she was gone. I had been probed and scanned by every device known. I had been shocked and injected multiple times, but it seemed that nothing would bring her back. Pip was different too. They ceased to be as spry or curious as they had been, and often drooped or sagged for hours, while most other times, just hung about our waist dismally.

"She's in there," Dr. Peregrine would say, although I wasn't sure if she was reassuring me or herself. "Her brain is the same. She has eighteen years of memories and personality in there. Her brain wouldn't just erase that."

This did little to help me feel better. I had learned to control Belle's head, and it was a terrible sensation, which I prevented myself from experiencing at all costs. Sometimes I'd sit quietly in our quarters and just talk to her for hours on end, hoping that maybe, somehow, she was in there, but no matter how hard I tried, the blank stare of an empty, robotic entity that mirrored my own movements was all that remained. Even as I started school again, I had lost all interest. I drifted through each day as though in a prison, sitting in a stasis bubble of my addled mind. My grades began to slip, and though Belle was considered 'gone,' they held her position in class, in stasis until the return I assured them would come.

Friends tried to help, and I would push them away. None of them would understand. Hell, most of them barely knew she existed before the news of her disappearance reached full rumor. Even the most precious of people, Clover tried to talk to us. I couldn't face her. I couldn't tell her that half of who we were no longer existed, so I pushed her away too. How could she still love me when part of our trio was gone? Nothing would ever be the same without Belle. Games and practice had become chores to me, and I had simply lost all interest in anything extracurricular. Once, I even made a stupid joke during a lab test, and waited for the impending punch to my shoulder, only to realize that it wasn't coming. It's amazing how fast you begin to miss the stupid little things.

By the time I had reached my third week alone, I was beginning to question whether or not there was any reason to continue without my beloved sister. I had been losing so much sleep at night, oversleeping in the morning and taking such abysmal care of my body that I was starting to look wasted-away and weak. At least: by my own standards. It didn't matter anymore. None of it mattered. The scientists were beginning to lose hope, and one-by-one they began to return to their previous projects, until only Dr. Peregrine worked fervently to try and rescue Belle. I hated them all for creating us. I hated them even more for abandoning Belle. Most of all: I hated myself. I didn't even know why, I just felt like I had to be responsible for her disappearance, even as others assured me that it wasn't true. Why was I allowed to exist, but she wasn't?

That is when I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to do something I knew, even then that I would regret.

I ran away.

I had hit the lowest point which I had experienced since Belle's disappearance, and as I lay on my bed that night, staring blankly at the office-style, tiled ceiling above, I felt my resolve to leave this place grow more and more until it had become the only option left to me, in my mind. I packed up enough belongings and food to help me on the road, and though I was exhausted and had no idea where I'd even go, I just wanted to be away from this place. I wanted to escape from a facility that was a constant reminder of what I'd lost; Whom I'd lost. Escaping wasn't hard really, as nobody had any reason to think it would be a problem to let me leave, and when someone inquired regarding my backpack, I motioned with a finger and told them I was going to hang out with Joshua. Did I even know a Joshua? Maybe at some point. Idiots didn't know anything about me: none of them. I had no family here, my family was gone.

I found myself outside and facing an open, quiet street. A streetlamp flickered to my right, giving off just enough illumination in the starless night to see the corner in which I stood. I could make out the brighter lights of the main street about four blocks down, but until that point, I was only guided by the sparse cones of downward-facing streetlamp illumination that cut through the dark night like a knife. I took one last look at the door behind me, which despite it's solid steel structure, had never appeared as much like a fortress gate as it did at that moment.

That was how it started, my first solo experience in the real world.

I spent the night wandering. I kept moving forward, until the buildings I recognized disappeared and I was in the black stretches of open nothingness that made up the immense farmland outside of town. I walked until time began to lose all meaning. I walked until my body ached and my brain felt dazed, and I still kept walking. I followed the crunch of the gravel along the side of the road, otherwise having no clue where I was going in this darkness. The stars gave the faintest of illumination to the world around me, but beyond the road itself and the rows of tall fields, I hadn't a clue. Eventually I lost track of my thoughts. My brain, suffering from days of sleep deprivation, fogged into delirious haze.

I don't know when I ended up bedding down, though I could be sure it was at least around the time the sun was beginning to crack the horizon to my East. I woke up sometime around late morning, deep in the rural section of the county, far beyond Clover's family's farm, lying on a disheveled and spread bale of hay in what appeared to be an old, but maintained barn. Metal implements and wooden structures surrounded me among the high-stacked, golden bales of hay, giving me a better idea of vaguely where I was, while still offering nothing in the way of definitive location on Earth. I lifted myself from the uncomfortable, scratchy mass I had been sleeping on and staggered to the giant barn door, my body still taking its time in waking up. I don't know how long I had walked the night before, but between my travels and my lack of sleep over the last weeks, my legs felt like gelatin and my thighs chaffed from the heat and humidity.

I opened the door just a crack and looked outside, finding that my surroundings were about as bland as I had expected. There was thick, grassy terrain in the form of low, rolling hills as far as I could see. The occasional unevolved cow could be spotted in the veritable blank slate, and I could barely make out a line of trees in the distance that indicated the edge of the grazing lands. There was no house in sight, and I wondered if, perhaps it was on the opposite side of the barn, where I couldn't see it. "Well Belle, I think this is a nice place to rest for a day. As long as I don't get caught, we should be able to get our bearings." I could hear her scolding in my head, though I knew it was just the memory of her being the voice of reason when I did something so impulsive.

"I know what you'd say," I muttered, looking at the the blankly-staring head to my right, "you'd say that this is ridiculous, and I should go home. I'd immaturely argue that we have plenty of camping experience, and you'd tell me that camping and surviving are two different things. We'd argue for ten minutes before you would send me home..."

I chuckled and flopped back down on the bale of hay, looking up at the tattered wood ceiling, where the sunlight shone through the thin cracks like blades. "You never had control over our body, and yet you had more say in our actions than I ever did."

I felt so alone without her guidance. She always knew the right course, and all I could think to do was get away from the living hell of seeing our eighteen years together in everything I did, 'I wish you were here. I'm hopeless without you..."

I spent the better portion of the day resting and occasionally eating some of the reserves from my backpack. I was sure that, eventually the lab would start looking for me. As eighteen-year-olds we were legally free to leave at any point, however I know that Dr. Peregrine would use the lab's technical 'ownership' of their project to have us brought back. I was a bit annoyed by the prospect, but I reminded myself that the only reason she would go through such trouble is out of worry. "She's a good mom, even if she isn't really our mom. I remember you used to tattle to her on me once a day as a kid."

It was actually a fond memory of mine, "I remember she looked you in the eyes and said 'Don't forget. He's your brother. You can't always tell me when he's done something wrong. Sometimes you have to influence him to do something right.'" I laughed, "You were so mad until they gave us both ice cream." I looked to the goat head on my shoulders, and it looked back at me zombie-like and out of reflex. I wondered if she could hear me. I wondered if my sister still existed in there, listening to my stories and reminiscing with me.

Already the tears welled up in my eyes and my face burned from the coming sadness. I began to cry again, uncontrollably, sobbing out words in an attempt to still speak to someone who was no longer there. "When we used to get picked on, and you started to hide away, I told myself then-and-there that I wasn't going to let it happen again. I'd never let you see me cry. I'd be the strong brother you could turn to when you needed it." I closed my eyes, drowning out the world around me, "but you never needed it. I see now that I'm the one who needed you..."

I closed my eyes, wiping away the excess tears and sighing heavily. "Some day you'll be back, and I'm going to tell you all these things...I'm going to tell you everything I should've told you for years." The tears had added to my already-exhausted state, so I closed my eyes. Resting in that serene barn, the sounds of locusts and cicadas outside and the occasional hum of a breeze through the cracks, I found myself soothed slightly, and drifted off once more.

By the time I came to consciousness again, I was greeted with the new chorus of crickets. Another peaceful chirp, but mildly different from that of the daytime insects. Sleep had come dreamless, and both instances of being awake had felt the same. I listened around me as I continued to doze, and began to pick up other sounds as well. A chirping I was familiar with, but couldn't place. A bird of some sort? No it was something else. Despite my delirium from such an awkward sleeping cycle, I continued to mull the sound around in my head, attempting to place the source. There was a bit of mechanical static at the end... followed by sentient voice. I shot up, just in time to see the door to the barn open, a row of police cars surrounding the only exit. Blue and red lights flashed all around, and I knew, before the police were upon me, that my escape had ended.

I heard talks of a "missing person report" and a call about a "stranger in the barn." I must have been discovered while I was sleeping, and then matched the very obvious description the lab had sent out. The police tried to talk to me. Some of them looked at me like some sort of sideshow beast, but I just quietly complied to their demands. I knew that trying to escape was pointless, and I began to feel like an idiot for running away in the first place. I was loaded into a car, which was abysmally small for my body, and left me hunched and uncomfortable, as a police officer attempted to get information from me. I nodded or shook my head according to the questions, but didn't actually speak.

"Alright son, we're taking you to the station until your guardians come to get you." I didn't answer. I didn't care. None of this really mattered, honestly. I hadn't felt any better away from the lab than I did while I was there, so what was the point of resisting.

Chapter 7-B

Clover

I opened my eyes at some point. I'm not sure how long it had been since I was whisked away from my mailbox, but I now found myself in a small room, lying on a creaky bed that was simple and mildly uncomfortable. Outside, I could see people in police uniforms rushing about. I must have been at the station. Sitting up, I felt pain in my body and whimpered. My joints and bones felt like they'd been beaten with sticks, but somehow I managed to find my way to my hoofed feet and approach the mirror. My muzzle had been fixed, and all the blood and... other filth had been washed away. I was in a hospital gown, which clung to every humiliating curve of my body and made me look like a Heifer in a handbag. I hissed in a combination of disgust and agony and began limping to the door.

With my paw, I discovered that the door opened. I was not locked in, and therefor not a prisoner. Outside, a young, cervine woman at the reception desk looked at me with a smile, "Good morning, young lady! How are you feeling?"

I didn't answer. I was still trying to figure out what I had slept through.

She looked understanding, "You took a little nap, and we were worried you might've had a concussion. After seeing the medical staff, we were able to determine that you just needed some rest and patching up."

I thanked her in a voice that sounded anything but thankful, though I had no intention of sounding malicious. She nodded with that same, overly-understanding expression and motioned to a set of lockers nearby. "We have your personal affects in a bag in locker 15-G. Your mother insisted that a few items from your home be brought to you as well."

"Where is she?" I managed to finally speak, and this time, I meant to sound as irritable as possible.

"She's fine, we have her in our custody until your step-father is processed."

I bit down with my jaws at the word 'step-father,' but didn't say how I felt, and instead limped to the locker. Inside, I found my clothes, and a large duffle bag. Exploring the bag, I discovered my pump, my bindings, undergarments, a change of clothes, my toiletries in a zip-lock bag, and my stuffed lion I'd had since I was a baby, Cecil. I rolled my eyes, undermining how relieved I actually was to see him."The necessities, I see."

I returned to my room and proceeded to dress myself properly before returning to the hallway and the receptionist. She was busily filling out paperwork and didn't notice me until I was nearly upon her. "Oh! Hi, there!"

"Hey..." I muttered, though a bit more kindly than before. "I was just wondering what I'm supposed to do?"

She shrugged, "You can do whatever you'd like, miss. You aren't under arrest. I am supposed to inform you that your father will be here to pick you up in a while." I'm sure my surprise was apparent on my face. My father? I hadn't seen him in three years. When my mother left him when I was a child, my father was a well-off farmer who spent most of his time working. She always claimed that this was why she left. She moved three states over to make it harder for him to see me, so that ultimately, She could brainwash me into thinking he didn't want to see me. For years I believed this, until just a few years back, when I was forced to stay with him while my mother and Tom went on vacation.

My time on my father's farm was pleasant, and he had been so excited to see me that he tried, harder than he probably needed to, to make every moment as enriching and fun as he could. Since that time, I had communicated with him almost daily, to the chagrin of my mother, and our relationship had grown stronger. Was I going to stay with him? At first I felt apprehension, but then I was struck with the dismal realization that there was nothing for me here. Maybe being around other bovines such as myself would be better for me.

"Uhm... where should I wait for him?" was all I asked.

"The pickup area is down that hall and to the left. You'll see a bunch of folks in processing along the way." I nodded affirmatively and slung the bag over my shoulder, thanking her for her help and making my way to the aforementioned 'pickup' area. My mind was swimming: Could I really just uproot myself and move to my father's farm? I certainly would enjoy being with him again.

The corridor was wide and I could see various people, both uniformed and otherwise, wandering about from door to door. Detatched as I was, I regarded all the goings on as if they were in a dream world around me. I found no interest in any of it. By the time I had arrived in the area marked 'Pickup,' I had lost track of how long I'd actually been walking. The room was expansive, and contained enough seating to house a professional football team. There were a few individuals waiting around, many of them looking as through they had spent the last few days in holding, while others had fresh wounds to indicate that they had been in a fight as recently as that evening. Among all of assorted 'guests,' I spotted a face, or rather two, I wouldn't have expected to see in a million years.

Raphon and Belle sat on a chair, both staring silently at the ground below. The expression of shame they both shared indicated that they had done something foolhardy to find themselves here. A fluttering in my chest began at the sight of them, even as I reminded myself how badly they had hurt me. Still, this was my chance for answers; perhaps my very last chance, and I was going to take it. I crossed the room quietly, stepping around legs and chairs until I had arrived just in front of them, clearing my throat.

They looked as surprised to see me, as I was to see them, and Raphon spoke, "Clover? What are you doing here?"

I didn't answer, I had my own questions. Belle stared blankly at me, and I looked angrily between them both, one-by-one. Fighting with all my will, I struggled to keep composure but the tears began filling in my ducts before I even got the words out. I had rehearsed my angry speech several times; a speech about how horrible they'd been, and how I was a fool to trust them. Now however, I couldn't bring myself to say the contemptuous things I wanted to say. All I could ask was: "Why? Why do you hate me?"

Raphon stared at me, as if trying to think of something to say. It looked as though he were struggling with the truth, "Clover... we love you. We love you more than anyone in the world." He looked about ready to join me in tears, but Belle was as stone-faced as ever.

"...And you? You won't even look me in the face!" A few people turned their heads as I raised my voice. By now, tears streamed down my cheeks unceasingly, the drops disappearing into my furred cheeks and leaving them moist and matted.

Belle remained silent and Raphon spoke again, "Clover... Belle isn't there." I stopped, looking to him, then to the blank face of the goat I loved. Not there? How could she not be there? What did that even mean?

"What... what do you mean."

"She's gone. My sister is gone." Whatever resolve he'd had to resist joining my tears finally broke and he placed his head in his hands in sadness. "She's gone, Clover. I didn't want you to know. We were all so happy together."

I was dumbstruck, but as I watched the emotionless head on his shoulders and it's inhuman, portrait-like expression, I realized that it was like viewing a robot. There was nobody upstairs. I sat down and put my arm around Raphon's waist. All of my rage was gone. All of my anger had dissipated into pity, and I felt, for the first time in weeks, the happiness of being close to the ones I loved most, and now the pain of loss.

Raphon explained everything to me: How Belle's mind had begun to meld with his own. How the lab staff had been keeping another Chimera secret from them, and how Belle's brain still existed, but somehow it was impossible to switch back on. I processed all of this, stacking it all with the rest of the life-changing events I had been feeling that evening.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked as I brushed away more tears, "I still love you, Raphon."

"You also love Belle... and I didn't want you to spend your life holding onto hope that she might return." He glanced outside and watched a car pick up a couple of men who looked as though they'd been caught in an intense brawl. "I thought maybe... it'd be better if you hated us than if you hoped for the return of someone that might never come.

"We can still make it work, you know..." Even as I said it, I wasn't sure if it was true. I loved Raphon so much, and I knew he still felt the same for me, but as long as Belle was still there, still looking at me with that dead stare, I don't know if I could ever be happy knowing what I had lost.

He must have seen the truth in my eyes, or heard the hesitation in my voice, because he smiled.

"Thank you for trying, but I know that things can't go back to the way they were without all of us." I launched myself at them, arms tightly embracing their waist as I sobbed a bit more. He responded with a gentle pat to my back, and I knew then that it was finally over. I'd never experienced a break-up before, and until that point, I wasn't even sure it was possible to end a relationship with someone when both parties loved one another so dearly.

We spent the next fifteen minutes, until the lab staff came to pick him up, discussing plans for the future. I was going away to be with my father on his farm, and Raphon was going to study hard and try to get back to his life, so that Belle would have something to come back to. We both promised to keep in touch, as friends, and though we knew it would be hard, I was resolved to do just that. I gave him one last hug as he left, and watched them both leave my life one last time. Every tie that held me to this place was gone, now. I was ready to start over. A small part of me was excited, while the other still grieved the loss of the two kindest people I'd known in my long years in this town.

Chapter 7-C

Belle

There was nothing.

I was nothing.

Then again, I had always said that I was nothing, hadn't I? Now, my mind or soul or whatever you might call it, truly mirrored how I had always viewed myself. I didn't exist in this empty black void. I had no eyes to see, no nose to smell, and no ears to hear. I do not even know how I even persisted, existentially. It had felt like an eternity that I remained floating as a consciousness in a sea of nothing, and I had long-since ceased to be lonely. Loneliness had been a fleeting sensation in the scheme of time, and I had even ceased to recall what this feeling felt like. By now, I had once existed, and that was the only conscious thought I could process. Maybe this thought was really all I was, anymore.

I knew that, at some point I had been something else; SomeONE else. A living being with their own thoughts, free-will, and mannerisms. I had once had a name, but as I continued to drift in the placidity of nothingness, identity itself had begun to wane. I still knew that I had once felt a euphoric sensation called 'love,' but the faces of those I had felt the emotion for had faded so long ago that, if I were even able to process the emotion of love, I might question that there had ever been anyone to feel it for.

"Belle." I heard a male voice, disembodied and echoing, and felt a warm spark from some portion of my drifting consciousness. What was this feeling? Fondness? Some subconscious part of me indicated that it had many names but we could use that one for now. And that word: I knew that word.

"Belle..." another voice this time, a bit higher in pitch and with a twang that I vaguely ascertained to be an accent. I knew this one as well, but no face appeared before me. Still, that word: 'Belle'; I recognized it.

"That's us, you know." Came a third voice which I recognized, though I didn't feel I should. I had never heard this voice before, and yet it was so familiar. I felt the amorphous amalgamation of thought that was my weak, failing consciousness begin to process this.

"I.. am Belle." I produced the thought, but there was no actual sound. Sound did not exist in this place. "Where am I?"

I had no eyes to see, and yet a figure appeared before me: She was a strong, muscular goat but with enough curve to indicate femininity. "You are where you have always been. You are exactly what you've always said you were. You are nothing." I pictured this figure that I could somehow see with pink bangs and familiar, yet unfamiliar face. Eventually, a memory bubbled inside me: A memory of looking into a bathroom mirror, making faces and seeing this new face peering back at me with whatever silly expression I offered the glass surface.

"You are me." I thought.

"I am how you see yourself, but I am not you. You are you.

"Why are you here? Why am I here?" An emotion was beginning to return to me, something primal. Something violent: Anger. I remembered anger as simultaneously as it began to brew within my incorporeal form. If I'd had blood, it would be boiling.

"I want to live, so I am here." the figure in my vision spoke, her eyes looking close to tears. "You are the reason I cannot, and yet we cannot live without one another."

Another emotion began to form. This one was different from the first, and I felt as though I might cry myself. I felt remorse for the vision speaking to me. I pitied her. I still didn't understand whom she was, and I felt such animosity for her, even as I felt such regret for her words. The two new emotions mixed within my consciousness, until denial appeared. "I didn't do anything to you."

"You did. You were given the opportunity to be."

"I'm not even supposed to be!" I protested.

"...and yet, here you are."

I was quiet. I wasn't sure what to say. Instead, the figure continued. "Here you are, a living argument in favor of the miracle of life. Here you are, a being that science says should not exist, and rather than accepting yourself for the indescribable wonder that you are, you devalue yourself until your own subconscious mind has decided that you shouldn't continue to exist.

If I had a face, I would have looked dumbstruck. I wanted to argue with the thing, I wanted to manifest a hand from whatever corner of my incorporeal existence I could and slap her, but all the while I realized that she was right.

"I'm like a tumor," My voice. I heard it, and though I did not recognize from whence the statement came, I knew I had said it on many occasions.

"I'm not really here, don't mind me." Me again. I had been so quick to dismiss myself. I didn't want to be a part of the world. What could it offer me? What could I offer it?

"My brother would be perfect if he didn't have me weighing him down." That one was pretty recent, actually. I felt the familiarity of the statement as strongly as I would a greeting from that day.

"I don't really know why I'm here, sometimes. I'll just disappear into my headphones, you won't even know I'm here, just like always." I heard one phrase after another in my rippling, regret-filled existence: some catty and sarcastic, others spoken out of sadness, and even more still that were only heard by myself. Words began to sting me like scratches in skin: Garbage. Freak. Tagalong. Unnecessary. Each word bit into me, and I felt all of my own self-loathing eating away at me.

"You played off these feelings like some kind of joke, but inside: you hated yourself. You felt as though the world didn't need you. Like a growth on Raphon's body." Raphon. That name, again. That was the male voice from before. My brother. I suddenly remembered every time I had hurt him, or lowered his spirits, or fought with him. I thought about every time I had been the reason he had been unable to participate in the simplest of tasks and experiences.

"It's true though. He's better off without me."

"If you truly felt that way, I wouldn't still be here." The voice continued

"I still don't know who YOU are!" I yelled angrily, without any actual voice.

"I told you, I am a part of you, I am the part of you that lives, the part that loves, and the part that isn't ready to submit to oblivion."

"So then what am I, the part of me that wants to die?"

"You are you. The mere fact that you've given up on yourself and ignored your importance doesn't make you anything less than Belle."

"I'm not important." I muttered voicelessly, but still with an unmistakable air of annoyance, "I live on a shoulder. I control an arm, I will never amount to anything."

The figure that was both me and not me, stepped closer to whatever form I had. My vision, which seemed to exist despite the lack of physical form, focused on her and refocused, as though she were popping in and out of existence as she approached. "You believe that because you are bound by your physical form, that you are less than others? What of those who are handi-capable? Certainly you don't believe that one's physical limitations mean that they can accomplish nothing at all."

I was silent. I knew she had a point, and yet I still felt the fire of resistance burning within me. Was I being stubborn?

She continued, "If your worth to the world is in question, the only one who can keep you from reaching greatness is yourself."

"What about Raphon? He's infinitely better-off without me, and you know it. He has the entire body to himself, now, and can function as a normal person. Nobody ever needed me, I was just there. Now I'm no longer holding him back."

"Raphon? This Raphon?"

An image appeared before me, as though ripped through the void around by unseen claws. I saw my brother's face. I saw him crying as he looked at what was my own, mindless face. "please Belle... I'm begging you. I need you. I can't live my life without us both together..." Another image pulled through the darkness, and I could see him looking at me out of the corner of his eyes, "...I even miss you calling me a meathead..."

I watched as image upon image tore and sundered the darkness, each speaking in unison to create an awful, indecipherable racket. It was maddening, and as the blackness turned into an amorphous mass of hundreds of images, I found myself screaming.

Instantly they were gone: Every one. Around me, the black void stretched once more, and I reached out to touch it, suddenly discovering that I had a hand; an entire body. I felt the voice from before in my head, and recoiled slightly. "You know, we were so close to saving ourselves. We had found someone to love."

A new image appeared of a crying hybrid girl. I observed her beautiful blue hair and those Antarctic eyes that tantalized me so. "Clover..." I spoke her name without moving my lips.

"It looked like you'd start being happy at last. It appeared that we'd start finding a reason to go on... but unfortunately, it doesn't matter if you want to stay for someone else's sake. We can love others all you want, and they can love you just as much: and believe it or not, these two would cross oceans for you...except Raph who is literally attached to you."

I touched the image of Clover and bit back tears, not even sure if this body was capable of them. "you can love them all we want, but if you can't love yourself, then there is no reason to continue." The image popped out of existence as though it had never been, and I was left alone in the dark once more.

"I... I don't know how much I can really love myself, but I love Raph and Clover, and if it means being there for them, I think I can learn to treat myself better."

"That isn't the answer is it?"

"I don't know what is. I don't know how to stop hating what I am." I pleaded, beginning to feel frustrated.

"As long as you hold your worth in such disregard, so will your body, and you will remain here, slowly degrading over time until there is nothing left."

A new image appeared. I was looking out through my head, which was still dead from the neck up. I saw Raphon in what appeared to be a large open room filled with assorted vagrants. Holding him, at our waist, was Clover. They were both embracing and crying, and I knew instantly what they were sad about.

"I... guess that's it...." Clover said, wiping her tear-streaked cheeks.

"Yeah... goodbye Clover...I'm going to miss you."

"NO!" I shouted and reached for the image. "Raphon you bonehead, I'm not there now, you two can be happy, together!"

"No, they can't" the voice came once more, still as monotone and matter-of-fact as ever. "They can't be happy because a keystone which their relationship is founded upon is gone."

"They need me..." I muttered in disbelief. I realized immediately that I had struck something important. "They need me! My brother! My Beautiful Pup!"

"Are you saying that you have worth?"

"I... I guess I do. It's not a lot, but at the very least, I need to be there for them. I'm important to Raph and Clover, and that makes me important enough to value myself a little." The void began to twist, and I felt as though, if I were in a physical body and not floating through my own mind I might be sick from it.

The voice came to me one last time, "Perhaps this is enough to return you? but it is not enough to stay indefinitely. You need to learn to value yourself. You need to learn to love who you are, even with your flaws and limitations, just as you have with your brother and Clover: only then will you ever be fully safe from losing yourself." My new, manifested self was seated on the nonexistent floor beneath me as I quietly considered the options. I had a lot to think about, if I wanted to return to the world I loved. Raph and Clover believed in me, I would start there.