FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Chapter 5-A

Belle

The rest of our Sunday afternoon was uneventful. Once our odd encounter had ended and Dr. Lu had returned to her previous duties, Raph and I resigned to playing video games for the remainder of the evening. Actually, I was the only one playing video games. Raph would occasionally play second player, but he was far-less experienced than I at operating a console controller with one hand. Sometimes, when I'm feeling generous or fed up, I will allow Raph to use the other hand, and lose myself in another story or podcast, but today was not that day. I needed the distraction.

I balanced my thumb and index finger over the D-pad and my pinky over the assorted, lettered buttons. I used my ring and middle fingers to press the L and R buttons, and while it wasn't the most comfortable way of playing games, I assume, I enjoy the act of immersing myself in them enough to overlook the awkwardness of it. The controller was held in place by a two-inch wooden frame which we had installed in the table, allowing this sort of atypical function to occur without the device jostling about.

Raph was using his paw to thumb through messages on his phone and check social media. I could tell, by our need to constantly shift our body, that he was actually looking over the flirty shots from one or more of our female classmates. I would've rolled my eyes if I wasn't attempting to dodge zombies. Instead, I let him do his thing, uninterrupted. Video games were one of the few practices where I felt just a little more alive, as opposed to the rest of our life where I felt like I might as well just be some kind of odd, talking growth. Pip was peculiarly energetic this afternoon, possibly due to how warm our living area had become with the addition of the unyielding afternoon sun, outside. He was slithering about the couch we were reclined on, and occasionally I'd feel his body slide along the cushion behind my head and shiver from the sensation.

Raph yawned heavily after being quiet for quite some time, "Got a message from Clover,"

I only cast him a short glance, though I was excited for the news. I had been afraid that, following her great reveal, she'd be too embarrassed to speak to us, ever again, "That's good. Haven't heard from her since before Dr. Lu...came."I blinked at the implications of such a phrasing, questioning words that had already left my mouth. "What's she up to? She love me yet?" I managed to speak without breaking eye-contact with the TV screen."

"She thanked us for being so understanding."

To this I did roll my eyes. "That girl needs to have a little more faith in us."

"She also said that we're 'good friends.'" I stopped playing and turned my head in a slow rotation. The sound of screaming emanated from the screen as a horde of zombies took advantage of my hesitation and began devouring my fictional, digital avatar. These sounds were loud and unexpected, and Pip flopped onto the coffee table and flipped over onto his back, mouth open and tongue outstretched. We paid his opossum routine no mind. Raph gave me a shrug, "I mean... I guess it's something. Sorry."

So we were back at friend again. A fragment of me felt thankful that we were back to square one after prematurely expressing love for her, breaking down her door and interrupting her sleep to witness her naked. Most of me, however just wished that the revelation of her most embarrassing characteristics had been an indication that we were getting closer. I was, in no small way, disappointed, and I didn't even bother responding. Instead, I scrolled to the 'retry' option on the screen and went right back to hunting the undead.

Pip had gone from being dead to being active, to being a bit of a nuisance. He had ceased in his incessant exploring, and now resigned to staring intently at the tiny figures on the screen, swaying to-and-fro as if stalking some sort of prey. Eventually he struck for the screen, attempting to capture and ingest one of the many moving figures, but ultimately falling short from the limited reach of his body. It would have been comical, if I wasn't in such a sour mood. Raph didn't want to let it go.

"You know... A good friend is nothing to be upset about. Maybe she doesn't want something romantic, right now, but at least you finally found a friend you enjoy spending time with." I could feel my jaws clenching: It wasn't enough, and he fucking knew that. I was happy to just to be part of Clover's life, but I wanted to spend every moment with her. I knew that I was being selfish. I knew that I was being a posessive brat, but I didn't care. I felt my eyes sting slightly. My stomach emptied as the sensation of anxiety hit, and I felt like I wanted to just punch Raphon for not understanding. I loved her; of course his horny ass didn't understand what that meant.

"Maybe she'll start growing more fond of us. If not, I guess it just wasn't meant to be." He muttered in a voice unlike his previous tone. My vision flashed red and I raised my hand, tossing the controller in the process as my rage incited me to throw my fist at him. I was beyond my usual composure. I didn't want to sit there and listen to him throw his romantic philosophies at me! Who was he to tell me that everything would be fine? I glared menacingly at him as my knuckles swung through the air.

Then, all at once, it was over. My anger subsided as my brother's face came into view. My fist stopped mid-flight while I felt my heart sink and my jaws loosen. I was still panting heavily, and my head still felt like a firestorm, but Raphon's expression had cooled me in an instant.

His head was hung low, and his eyes were averted to his lap. The fur of his cheeks was wet from freshly-fallen tears. I had been so obsessed with how I felt about Clover, that I hadn't considered that, perhaps he had been feeling these emotions too. The degree to which he had rushed to save her was a clear indication that he had feelings for her too. I had always viewed Raph as a womanizer; constantly on the prowl for his next lay with no regards for whom he hurt in the process. Now, I realized as I watched his glossy, tear-filled lids drip salty drops onto his lap that there was a caring person in there. Someone who wanted to be happy.

"You know, I was so happy when you and Clover were getting along so well. I was starting to think that there was a chance we could all be happy together."

"Raph, I'm so sorry. I didn't think. There's still a chance, right? Maybe some day."

He shrugged, "It's fine, I'm used to rejection." I realized that he was right. How many times had he broken up with one of this girlfriends, who I always called 'floozies; or 'tramps?' How many times had he held his emotions in check for my benefit? How many times had he cried, and I was too caught up in my own world to even notice it? I suddenly felt hollow; monstrous. At first, I wasn't sure how to respond. I'd never had to reassure him before, or rather: I'd never paid enough attention to know he needed it.

After a silence that felt like eons, I rested my head against his and sighed, "I...I'm sorry. I really am just a waste of space. All I do is hurt you and ignore your feelings."

He gave a sniff from his sadness-incited runny nose and smiled, "Belle, you know that isn't true. Why do you-...

I woke up about half an hour later. I couldn't remember losing consciousness, but as the world began to drift back into focus, I found myself lying on my back on an examination table. All around me, bright, incandescent lights blinded what little rendering I had, and the sounds of peoples' voices filled my ears in a garbled mass of confusion akin to being submerged under water. In my disoriented state, I managed to turn my head, catching sight of my brother, a tan blur that sharpened as I blinked my eyes. He was calling out to me, and I could now see Dr. Peregrine, Dr. Lu and so many others rushing about the lab and affixing me to various machinery.

"I.. what happened?" Was what I tried to say, but the disorderly audio of my voice was still clearing, so I only managed to hear part of my own voice. I was sure that I had spoken nothing but gobbledygook.

"Belle! Thank god! Are you okay?!" Raph's voice finally hit my ears, and I could feel the fear and worry in his voice.

The doctors were talking around me, but I couldn't understand a lot of the medical and scientific jargon. It took another five minutes before my senses had fully-returned; another ten would be needed, as well as a tall glass of water, before I was starting to feel normal again. Soon, the medical staff had left the room, leaving me attached to a series of sensors and wires, and in the care of Doctors Lu and Dr. Peregrine. Both of them looked to me with gleams of disappointment in their eyes, though that look might have actually been an average look from Dr. Lu.

Peregrine pursed her lips as she considered her next words, and I could tell that she was more worried than angry, "So Raphon tells me that this isn't the first time you've lost consciousness."

I averted my gaze, "Yeah. Though this is the first time I blacked out completely. The last couple of times it was like a daydream where I was reading Raphon's thoughts and channeling them."

She pinched the bridge above the base of her muzzle, right between her eyes and sighed, "Were you planning to tell us this?" Truthfully I had been, but I had always forgotten. There had been so much going on, and I had been so excited each day to see and interact with Clover that I hadn't thought about much else. My head had been in the clouds.

These were weak excuses, and I didn't bother using them, and only nodded, "I was going to. I'm sorry. I should've said something sooner. I've also been gaining control of our body for short periods of time, which I did report." I felt it best to just get everything out in the open, rather than having it all come to light on it's own.

Dr. Peregrine went through a stack of paperwork, rifling through it uneasily. She was under an immense amount of stress: that much I could tell, though I had absolutely no idea why. Dr. Lu, pulled out what appeared to be a photograph and passed it in her direction, "Were you looking for this, Doctor?" Dr. Peregrine thanked her, then stood in place for a short period of time, unmoving. She clutched the photo in her greyed paws, staring at it through eyes glossy with the moisture of building teardrops. In her face, I saw a battle with reason commencing, as if part of her hoped that there were some alternative course to her decided plan of action. I passed Raph a curious glance, and he shrugged in response, unaware of what the good doctor was debating showing us.

"This..." She began, taking a breath that looked like it hurt, and swallowing hard, "Is something I wasn't sure I'd ever need to show you. This is a photo from our sister facility in The Netherlands." She pressed the photo to the table, hand still covering the subject, obscuring it from view. Still, I could make out the shape of a snake, floating in space beside whatever lay beneath. Finally, she dragged her paw away, and we came face-to-face with the photograph of a creature with a lion head and body, a goat head, and a snake tail: A chimera! The resemblance stopped there. This chimera was shorter than us, with stark white fur with a thick, black mane, and most importantly: A very female body. I looked over the feminine curves, and felt a rising heat of jealousy bubble midst the excitement of seeing another of our kind.

"What're their names?" I asked.

"Carmen." Dr. Peregrine spoke flatly, showing no emotion in her answer. She had wiped away her previous tears.

"What about the goat half?"

Dr. Lu stepped forward, "Carmen. There is only one hive-mind consciousness in Facility D's chimera"

Chapter 5-B

Raphon

I don't know how Belle was feeling at the moment. I didn't have the will to look at her, as I was too dumbstruck by the astounding pile of news we had just been both gifted and cursed with. There was another like us, but unlike us, there weren't a set of consciousnesses attached to the single body. None of us spoke. Neither Belle nor I even knew what we could say for the longest time. Eventually I began by asking one of the dozens of questions that were bouncing around in my head.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

Dr. Lu pulled up a chair and sat across from us, "She couldn't tell you. I instructed her not to, just like my predecessor had done." We both looked shocked, I didn't have to see Belle's face to know that the surprise had hit her like a ton of bricks, too."

Dr. Peregrine added, "Children, Dr. Lu isn't an intern. She is the chief executive scientist over every research facility owned by our parent company."

Dr. Lu nodded, and looked at us with the same, emotionless expression she seemed to always carry. "Both you and Carmen were born from the same set of genes that were discovered twenty-five years ago in a cave in Anatolia, Greece. You share identical genes."

"How is that possible? We look nothing alike?" Belle asked, oddly calm.

"The genes used to create you both were incomplete and ancient, and required filler material, which resulted in the many differences between you... however one difference still baffles us."

I chimed in, "Our minds."

Dr. Lu nodded, "You were both born around the same time, and with there only being two of your kind in existence, we weren't sure which one of you was born an actual representation of how the brain forms in your species." She placed her hoof-tipped paw on Belle's shoulder, the hard fingertips gripping firmly, "We were afraid that for either of you to meet, might result in the kinds of questions children shouldn't be forced to ask."

Belle was still angry over having been kept in the dark about all of this, but a new emotion had surfaced to join her frustration: Fear. I could feel her emotions bubbling over like a kettle boiling onto the stove. "I'm channeling Raphon. I keep losing consciousness and his mind keeps surfacing in mine." I knew where this was going, and I was already beginning to gasp for air as Belle's anxiety hit our body at the same time as my own.

There was a choked sound as Dr. Peregrine struggled to speak, and as I caught sight of her, I saw the eyes of a mother who feared losing a child. I couldn't feel any sort of anger; all I could feel was regret and pity. "There is a chance that your mind ..." She choked harder, and Dr. Lu continued for her, apparently having to qualms with being calm in the face of those suffering.

"There is the possibility that Carmen is the natural specimen, and that Belle's mind formed as an anomaly. If this is the case, there are two other possibilities: One is that your mind is trying to correct the mistake that..."

Without warning, our body launched itself to standing, "MISTAKE?!" Belle roared in violent anger, slamming our right fist onto the cheap, office-style, cracking the corner of the particle board and bending the metal rim slightly. "I'm not a fucking mistake, you arrogant cow!" Dr. Lu, despite being faced with the anger of a mighty beast like us, showed no signs of reacting. She remained still and reserved and let Belle get her rage out without another word.

Belle did just that. I was no longer in control as she screamed in an unholy, feral sound that vibrated the walls, slamming her fists against every surface, denting the table further, bending a plastic-and-metal school chair, and putting several holes in the plaster wall to our right. "NO! This isn't fair!" She screamed and raved and I didn't know how to stop her. None of us did, and none of us seemed to think it would be right to even try. Within a few minutes, her screams and cries turned to sobs while her violent rampage ended with her kneeling on the floor supporting our upper body with our arms. Our arms were bruised from the tantrum, and blood oozed from specific scratches, probably from the splintered table wood, matting our fur.

"This isn't fair..."

We gave her time to calm down, Dr. Peregrine finally rushing to our side to wrap her arms around our heaving body. "Belle." She didn't even know what to say. Belle was right, none of this was fair. How was I going to live without my sister? I couldn't even imagine a life like that.

"There is another possibility." Dr. Lu spoke up, at last. "about half of the lab staff, people of every specialty, have been forced to put aside their current projects and focus on dissecting and analyzing every cell of your genetic code, every inch of your brain, and compare it to that of your sister, Carmen. We are trying to find a way to try and save you."

She didn't have to tell me how much money was being lost by the lab in order to put this much time and effort into saving her, and I hoped that Belle wouldn't realize it. It brought me comfort to know just how much trouble they were going through to save her. Belle didn't speak. Instead she just hung her head, and I felt control of our body return to me, once more.

I looked to the doctors solemnly. "For tonight... I think we'll just go to bed. We have a lot to think about and I don't think we'll be getting to sleep any time soon.

They both nodded, and Dr. Peregrine gave us another hug, this one around our waist with all the strength she could muster. Belle continued to look off into space, and I returned the hug with both hands, making a hasty retreat to our room. I tried many times, that night to talk to Belle, but there was no answer, despite my proddings and pleadings. She didn't want to speak or be bothered. I felt powerless. Most of all, I felt the sense of loss; the sense of foreboding one feels when they are afraid of losing someone closest to them. The sensation that, at any moment, the most important person in their life could be permanently removed, leaving them dead and hollow on the inside for the rest of their lives.

I focused on cleaning the wounds we had incurred, and kept myself from saying anything about how we'd gotten them. As I did so, Pip slid up affectionately and nestled into Belle's neck, which she allowed, despite her bitterness. Sometimes, Pip would do something so empathetic, that I would forget how simple and snake-like they were. It seemed to help, if only minutely, because she finally spoke.

"I get it now...I was right all along. I'm not supposed to be here."

I felt a bit angry that she was starting that again, but I knew that, with what she was going through, it was best to be supportive and not judgmental. "Belle, you know that isn't true. I need you."

She didn't answer, she just went back to being silent, again.

After an hour of trying, decided to give her time: There was nothing I could do to sway her. I laid us down to bed, closing my eyes and hoping that tomorrow would be better. For three days, Belle had been the happiest she had been in her entire life, and in a twenty-four hour period, it had all been whisked away. One person could fix this. One person could make Belle happy, again, even for a while. I picked up my phone and quickly sent the first of a long line of private texts to Clover. I didn't divulge the details of our evening, and instead told her all the information I was privy to share. "Belle really needs a friend, right now.

Chapter 5-C

Clover

I woke up in worst of states. I was soaked in morning dew, my clothes fitting sticking to and draping heavily from my body. As I sat up, I found much of the damp soil came with me, matted to my fur and clothing from the moisture on the ground. Every muscle and bone was cramping in my lower back, neck, arms, and even my tail from where I had been lying, face-down on the ground all night. I picked a slug off of my hoodie and groaned in a mixture of pain and frustration. Most of all, my breasts and udder ached horribly. I hadn't pumped for the entire night, and had been sleeping atop my engorged assets from my stress-induced sleep.

I looked around the field from my seated position, spotting the millions of amber stalks that surrounded me, and silently thanking them for having protected me like a fortress the night before. Inside, I heard footsteps, and realized that I had missed my opportunity to sneak in and procure the necessary items for school that day. Peering up at the sky, I could tell from the semi-warmth that came from somewhere to the East, far below the horizon created by the grain towering above me, that I still had time to make it to school.

I instinctively checked my phone, which I had fallen asleep holding, and had incurred no small amount of dampness from the morning, itself. It took a minute to wipe away enough water to let my screen work properly, and I immediately checked Candygram. There were no messages, and my heart sank a little bit. I could have really used that pick-me-up this morning. I realized, after a moment, that I had a traditional text, which struck me as odd. Clicking the little purple, envelope-shaped symbol for texts and saw that the sender had been Raphon, and only contained the message. "Belle really needs a friend right now."

"Join the club." I grumbled bitterly, having never received any messages from my last Candygram message, while I laid waiting on the filthy dirt the night before. I bit my lip as instantly as the words left my mouth. Clearly, something was wrong, and it might certainly have been an affecting factor for their being unresponsive the night before. I rubbed my sore breast at the point where it bubbled against my body, whimpering slightly. I needed to deal with this first. I needed to get to a comfortable place.

I began shuffling along through the tall grain, heading in the direction I knew my old truck sat. I crawled with my hands digging through the wet mud beneath, coating my paws and the sleeves of my hoodie as they bunched around my wrist. It took only a short crawl before I spotted the red of my old hand-me-down truck, which sat a short ten feet away in the clearing that was our yard. I didn't usually like driving, only because I could never afford the gas, myself, but today, I was too sore, wet, and miserable to walk into town. I bolted to my car as fast as I could, just in time to see Tom lumbering out of the house.

An entire night later, and he was still ready to fight, and began shouting at me from the door. I wasn't listening, honestly. Something about me being a tramp and a freak. I didn't care: I was too busy throwing open my car's creaky old door and jumping in. I had left the keys in the ignition, as I often did so that I could make a hasty escape from my home, and I had turned over the engine just as he reached the car, slamming his giant fists against the window in a blind rage. I took off as fast as I could, pulling into the dirt driveway and leaving the angry shouting monster behind me. A small drop of relief dripped into my mind as I made my way down the road, while paranoia kept me checking my rear-view for his old truck.

I drove right through the main portion of the populated area of town, putting all the restaurants, shopping centers and other larger businesses behind me. I kept driving until I reached a much older strip mall at the West end of town. The building was old, and all but one or two of the establishments that had once inhabited it had now abandoned the decaying old ruin. Even the parking lot had fallen into disrepair, and my truck creaked and tossed as I parked in front of the ancient thrift store.

Getting out, I hobbled inside without a word, walking past people as they cast me awkward gazes. I looked like I had survived an attempted murder, or just woke up after having fallen asleep drunk under an overpass. The bulge of my shame had been tucked neatly into my hoodie, and I held it in place, though it created the illusion of a pregnant teen, which I'm sure attracted even-more disgusted glances. I looked through the clothing, grabbing another old hoodie that looked like it would fit, a bra that was going to be too big, but would have to do, and an over-sized tube top.

I stepped to the counter and kept my eyes averted as I paid for the clothes with the loose singles in my wallet: the wadded up remains of Christmas money I had been holding for months. The cashier was a young avian; probably some kind of hawk, I wasn't paying attention. He attempted to greet me, and I returned his sentiment with no enthusiasm, paid for my assortment and asked for directions to the bathroom. He motioned to the back of the store and informed me that it was a staff restroom, but to go ahead and use it. He didn't need to tell me twice, in fact I was already walking that way when he had said it.

I found the bathroom to be rather in need of some TLC, coated from wall to wall in a yellowing grime one would expect. I didn't care, and quickly undressed to my bare skin and staggering to the toilet. I felt gross and freakish as I leaned over the discolored commode, positioning my udder over it and beginning to expunge it's contents into it manually. 'You are a freak. Real people don't have to hide in a filthy bathroom to milk themselves.' I refused to look as I heard the sound of heavy sprays of my fluids hitting the water below.

I didn't want to overstay my welcome, so I only spent enough time dispelling my excess cream. Soon I was finding a small amount of comfort in being somewhat-less-full than I had been previously. I pulled the tube-top up, using the tight, hugging garment to restrain my sack against my abdomen. It wasn't ideal, but it would be enough. I slipped into the bra and found that I fit well-enough to get by until it would be safe to go home, then finally pulled the new hoodie on over the entire ensemble. My pants still sat caked with thick mud, but I was low on funds and between not having dinner and producing an entire night's worth of milk, I needed to eat. I silently wondered if there would have been anything nutritionally sound about drinking my own milk, but then felt disgusted with the thought.

In the streaked, cracked bathroom mirror, I saw a disheveled face with unkempt hair. I saw mud in my fur and bits of foliage. I quickly took care of the abysmal sight as best I could without the proper tools. I washed my face in the sink without any soap or shampoo to aid me, and combed my hair with my claws, creating an organized mess of it. I hadn't dyed it in so long, the black roots had already reached a inch long. Soon, I was back in my truck, where I simply sat. School had begun fifteen minutes before, and I could have made it in time for first period if I had the inclination to go.

I didn't. I didn't even have the motivation to turn the keys of my car. I finally pulled out my nearly-dead phone and responded to Raph's message.

"Sorry, it was a rough night. Is everything okay?" I set the phone down, plugging it into the weak car charger and turning the key, at last. I made my way back to the more populated streets now, and into the parking lot of the first burger joint I saw. I considered eating inside, but decided that I'd be more comfortable in the familiarity of my old pickup. I told the kind young woman at the drive through hello in the best friendly voice I could currently muster, and ordered three sausage biscuits off the dollar menu. It wasn't particularly filling, but it was the best I could do, currently.

A beep indicated a return message, and I read it in my head as I pulled into a parking spot to eat.

" Are you okay? Also, Belle is really depressed."

This didn't feel as surprising as it probably should've been, given Belle's personality but I knew that if Raph had made special note of it, it must have been a serious issue.

"I'll be fine," I assured him, "What happened to Belle?"

The response came almost immediately. "Well, for one thing, she's upset because she feels like you are keeping her at arm's length." It was true. I was, but that was for their own safety. I didn't want them getting hurt.

"That doesn't seem like something Belle would get totally hung up about."

"Well she's definitely disappointed about it, but there's something else, and I can't really talk about it without her permission. I'll just say that it's medical and it has her scared."

I had been a zombie for the last half hour, but now a bubble of concern began to well up in my chest. Was Belle in danger? Was she sick? I knew Raph wouldn't mention it without her 'okay', and I had to admire his devotion to her pride. Another feeling came: a longing. I missed them.

I didn't answer for a long time, and eventually a message came to me that surprised me. "We love you, Clover. I love you." A few days before, these three words had surprised me to the point of pushing both of them away, but in that time I had come to understand the sensations I felt when I could see them; could hear their voices; could smell them. Now, the words made me smile, and despite my apprehension for getting them involved in my life, I responded back. "I love you both, too."

At first, I didn't even eat my biscuits, but eventually the hunger pains in my tummy overpowered the sensation of dissension and I found myself devouring them. By the time I was done, I had made my choice. I cared about them, and if Belle really needed me to be there for her, then there really wasn't another choice, at all. I spent the day making plans with Raphon, hiding out in my car until the heat of day became so unbearable that I felt as though I had somehow turned my car into an oven on wheels. When that time came, I occupied my time with visiting Jhekyl Park, where I simply sat alone on a swing and stared out at the water below. It was going to be nice to see them, but I still felt a hint of apprehension at getting them involved in my life.