FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The day dragged on slower than it usually did. I stared at the clock, a glazed look over my face as my tail wistfully snuck around the desks surrounding me. Some time ago I forgot what my economics teacher had started talking about, but instead of trying to tune in my thoughts drifted to everything--anything--else.

Damn. Hell of a year, I thought to myself, grinding an eraser against the desk. Memories piled up in my head, going back to my first day of high school up until where I was now my last two weeks. Chemistry. I'll never miss you chemistry. So many nights of sleep lost. If it wasn't for Damien I don't know how I would've gotten through you.

My mind shifted back to sophomore year for a moment. I was a mess. There was a test on Friday that decided my grade for the entire year. All the past tests and homework points up until that point meant nothing. The only person not sweating bullets was my best friend Damien. He could look death straight in the face and still crack a smile and a quip. Lucky bastard.

That day completely ruined me. I ran into the class and immediately dropped my books everywhere. The teacher was holding back laughter undoubtedly since the paw covering up her maw did little to hide it. A badger's grin could only be so discrete. Knowing that only made me more flustered to the point I started to sweat and feel my skin itching all over.

Damien went up to me and helped me pick up my things. "You all right?" he asked, his blue eyes gleaming.

Without confidence I reassured him, but he didn't seem convinced. We didn't get to talk much before the teacher told us the test was about to start, so we cut it short. I took my seat next to him and hastily went over my shambled mess of notes. While the teacher's assistant was handing out the test papers, Damien turned to me and said, "Hey, listen... I know this shit really stresses you out, but it's not a big deal. I got some secret intel that it's only going over the basic stuff from each chapter anyway."

I groaned, "How's that supposed to help if I can't even remember what the chapters are about to begin with."

He put a paw on my shoulder. "Dude, chill. Just keep calm and the answers will come to you."

"Yeah, right..." I stuffed the papers into my bag since a test had been slapped onto my desk without me noticing.

Damien leaned on his paw and said, "All right how about no matter what Friday we go see that new movie. What was it called...?"

"You mean the musical? You hate those."

"Yeah, but you wanted to see it..." He took in a deep breath as if defeated. "So, I wouldn't mind going if it'll get your mind off freaking out about this."

I rolled my eyes. "You can't be serious..."

"If it makes you normal again then yes, I'm serious. So, is it a date or what?" he asked with a half grin as if to say 'I've won'.

"Fine, fine... But you better not gripe about it." I pouted.

"Don't worry 'bout it. I've seen worse. Good luck, bro."

Fuck, why am I smiling right now? The teacher called our attention to start the test and somehow, I felt relieved. For a short while the stress melted away. Damien got me to think about the musical, the planning, and how fun it would be to hang out again. If anything the test was an afterthought now.

I didn't want to admit it, but the anticipation was burning me up. We hadn't seen a movie together in ages. Come to think of it, at the time we hadn't gotten to hang out outside of school in months. Without Damien's suggestion we probably never would have either. I guess that's why he's my best friend, huh?

The memory left a hint of a grin on my face, but as I kept thinking back on the days I used to worry about tests and grades my expression turned sour. I knew it didn't matter now. None of the things I used to worry about mattered. The school system already made it apparent they'd put us through no matter what. If only I'd known I would've been able to spend time with the one person who _did_matter.

At the back of my mind I knew there was still time left. I didn't know what would happen after we graduated. High school was the glue that kept all my friends together including Damien. Without it, I didn't know how to start a conversation or set plans around the week. It was a place I didn't feel like a burden to people because I was supposed to be there. An unwanted text message or showing up on someone's doorstep unannounced was too much anxiety for me to bear.

Even though Damien had told me countless times that I wouldn't be bothering him, I couldn't shake the feeling that easily. That cool expression on his face, deep and masculine voice and imposing muscles made me feel miniscule in comparison. I was just another mixed breed mutt with floppy ears too small to match my tail and white dipped paws too creamy to match the other spots all over my body. Others usually assumed I was some sort of mutated Dalmatian. Who wants some freak eating up all your time anyway?

In an effort to get my mind off myself I gradually shifted my gaze to the back of a charcoal black lion with a massive mane. I didn't understand why seeing him made my tail twitch sometimes. It was hard to ignore a lot of the time--probably just nervousness. After all Damien was a popular cat. So popular that on occasion people would get their noses into the conversations I tried to have with the massive lion in the halls.

Little by little I realized that Damien tied all my important high school memories together. He'd invite me to football games and basketball, study with me when he had the time, and he was the only friend from high school that'd ever came by to hang out. Granted, the majority of the time with him was cut short. I always had to go. There was always something to do.

Half the time there was. The rest was just me trying not to be a burden. Ugh, I'm such an idiot. I slumped down on my desk, still staring at Damien's mane. There has to be a way I can fix this... I've been such a God awful friend...

The last bell of the day rang, snapping me out of my stupor. As everyone got up the pressure of the situation set in. Despite knowing there was still time left I forced myself to act. "H-hey, Damien..." I said in a hoarse voice, tail twitching again.

He turned around and asked, "Sup, Lun'?"

A few of his friends turned around as well to glare at me. All of which were far bigger and intimidating than I could ever hope to be. Swallowing dry air I replied, "I, uh... I..." My mind struggled to scrape up a reason. In desperation I looked around the room, but the only thing that held my attention was the clock. That's when it came to me. "I got a part time job down at the..." Lions like water, right? No, no... That was tigers. Shit. All I can think of is my uncle... Fuck it. "The beach as a life guard."

"Oh, cool. Don't think I've really gone to the beach. Went once like forever ago," Damien said, rubbing the scruff on his chin.

"You're, uh... Free to come by anytime, ya know. We've actually got a concert coming up. It's kind of a big deal." Maybe it'll get him interested...

The cheetah to Damien's right stepped forward. "Yeah, I heard about that. My cousin brought a flyer in the other night. It's happening in a few weeks, right?"

Wait, what? Oh, no. Oh GOD. "Yeah..." I pushed through grit teeth. "A week or two after graduation." What am I doing? Stop, stop, stop.

"A concert on the beach? That sounds fun, actually," chimed a grey wolf on Damien's right. "Maybe we could all meet up and hang or something. Part time comes with perks, right?"

"Yeah, totally. Come to think of it I heard we're getting a pretty big band too--"

"Actually, I heard it was an indie band. You know, local scene," the cheetah spoke again.

This has to end somewhere. Before it gets worse. "I meant big _in_the local scene. Sorry, bad wording on my part."

"Well, anyway I gotta head out. Sister asked me to pick her up from work again," said Damien, slinging his back pack over his shoulder. "I'll talk to you more about it over pawbook later, all right? This shit sounds sick. Catch ya 'round, Lunick."

Damien waved to me briefly as he left the classroom, his friends following behind him. Strangely, the cheetah paused before exiting to look at me. I was going to ask him if something was wrong, paying attention to my better judgment I kept my mouth shut. I'd said enough. I was in deep enough.

My chest pounded painfully in my chest at what felt like a thousand beats a second. Everything shook to the point my glasses were starting to wiggle down my snout. Fearing a panic attack, I grabbed my backpack and dashed out of the classroom and into the nearby bathroom. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I growled, turning on the sink. "Shit...!" I splashed from cold water onto my face, getting my face fur soaked. "Ugh... I'm an idiot... How am I gonna do this...?" I asked myself, staring into the mirror. One blue eye, one green eye. Both red and teary.

"You know, I can't help but agree..." said a familiar voice. I turned around to see it was the cheetah, his blue track suit shining in the light.

"Wh-what do you mean?" I asked in a shaky voice, backing away from him. There was something off about him. I could sense it.

"Listen I don't know what you're trying to pull over Damien, but I decided to help you out to save you from your own embarrassment," he said, pulling his hood down. The studs on both ears sparkled in the light.

"Well... That's... Very nice of you. Thank you," I replied, caught off guard.

"But as you know no good deed should go un-returned, right?" he asked, shrugging.

I didn't know what to say. "Uh...?" This couldn't get any worse.

"I'll be honest with you I don't get it. I don't get why Damien likes you or likes talking to you or anything. Why he gives you the time of day will never stop confusing me, but that means that he might actually listen to you about something that I've been trying to talk to him about forever."

"Y-yeah...?" I bit down on my bottom lip, claws digging into my palms.

"No need to be so tense. It's nothing big I promise you. Since this is senior year it's his last year here. My sister is a junior. I know it sounds weird, but she's in a really bad place right now and I don't think anything would make her happier than getting to be that big lug's girlfriend. Maybe in time for that 'concert,' huh?" He snickered. "Just get him to date my sister and the debt is repaid, all right?"

"Right..." I paused briefly. "You're, uh, a nice older brother then..."

He smiled in a way that made the fur stand on the back of my neck. "Of course. See ya 'round."

Once he left the bathroom, I made sure no one else was around. Relieved that it was only strands of used toilet paper joining me, I fell to the ground. I'm finished, I thought, burying my face into my paws. "How am I gonna do this...? A job, a favor, a concert... How did I fuck up so badly in just one day? Maybe if I wasn't such a fucking pussy."

I sighed deeply and my phone vibrated. Upon taking it out I read out the message: "I'm down by Rusty's we can talk about that concert stuff if ya want." Seeing his name and message helped a smile work across my face.

Maybe today was a step in the right direction after all...