Me and You by Marthell

Me and You

Marthell, Drama, Experimental, Love, Psychological, Relationships, Short Story

Life is infinite. Be good to people.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken since yesterday.

I hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, and I give into it before committing to dial.

I feel sick at my cowardice.

I hope you'll get in touch tomorrow.

I miss you.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken in a week.

I run into you on an empty sidewalk and our muzzles almost brush as we look into each other's eyes.

I'm still wondering whether I blew it or if you were too scared to speak your mind.

It meant more to me than you realized.

Or maybe you realized exactly how much it all meant and that's why you stopped speaking.

There are so many things I want to know, but that's the problem when all communication stops: there's no way to get an answer.

The flash of recognition in your eyes stops my heart. I open my muzzle and half a vowel comes croaking out.

You look away and keep walking.

I watch your tail vanish as you take the next corner.

When I'm home I'm left wondering if it all really happened, or if I just mistook some random weasel for my specific one.

You still haven't contacted me.

Life has slowed down and stretched out, but all those extra seconds only go toward self-destructive introspection.

Who am I?

Where am I?

What do I want?

How do I get it? (As if I ever could.)

Me and you.

We haven't spoken in a month.

I run into you at the supermarket. You're buying instant coffee and your eyes look red from a lack of sleep.

You never left my mind for a moment.

Your tail touches mine as you pass by, you turn around to apologize but the words get stuck in your throat.

The flash of recognition in your eyes stops my heart all over again.

I reach a paw out towards you as though I'm in a surreal, metaphorical dream.

I look like an idiot so I force my arms to my sides.

This time when I open my muzzle I manage to say something.

"Been a while."

I immediately hate myself for the meaningless platitude. You always hated small talk.

"Yeah," you say.

I wonder if you're going to say more but you walk away.

I watch your tail vanish as you take the next corner.

When I'm home I'm left wondering why you're still on my mind.

You were just another person who drifted in and out of my life like anybody else.

Either way, I'm glad I met you. You helped me. I just hope I didn't hurt you. I worry that I might have.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken in a year.

I run into you at the park and you look a little lost.

This time I bash you with the side of my tail on purpose and pretend it was an accident.

The flash of recognition in your eyes melts me.

It's been so long I thought I'd never see you again.

You smile when you see me. You greet me by name. I don't want to admit it but I'm ecstatic.

I hug you and you return the gesture. Your warmth fills me and I lose myself in your arms. I close my eyes and drift into eternity for the seconds you hold me.

I ask if you want to hang out and catch up.

You let me know you've got plans, but to say hi if I see you around.

I act like it's nothing.

"It was good seeing you again," I say.

All you do is nod and wave and walk away.

I watch your tail until I can't take it.

When I'm home I get rid of anything that could remind me of you.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken in a decade.

I see your name in the newspaper and it's like you never left my side.

For all I tried I could never forget you.

When I look around, there's nobody there.

I wish I tried to catch you when I had the chance.

I wish I chased you and never stopped chasing.

I wish I used everything I had to make you mine.

I read the article again. You've done so well for yourself. I stare at the photo. Your husband seems lovely too.

If only I could turn back time...

But I can't.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken since yesterday.

I hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.

I call you.

"Hi," you say.

"Hi," I say. "How come you never called me back?"

You hesitate and I know there's something to this.

"It's only been a day."

"You've never taken a day before."

You hesitate and I know I'm about to learn something important.

"I was scared that I would say something wrong. Something so stupid that it would jeopardize our friendship."

I hesitate, but I have to say it.

"Something stupid like: 'I love you'?"

A frightening silence.

"Yeah. Something stupid like that."

An ecstatic moment.

"Then I'll say it instead. I love you."

You can't contain your excitement.

"I love you too."

I can't stop smiling.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken since yesterday.

I hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.

I call you.

"Hi," you say.

"Hi," I say. "How come you never called me back?"

You hesitate and I know there's something to this.

"It's only been a day."

"You've never taken a day before."

You hesitate and I know I'm about to learn something important.

"I'm not sure that we want the same things out of this. Out of us."

Every second word is stuttered.

I hesitate, but I have to say it.

"What if I told you that I love you?"

A frightening silence.

"I'd say you're a good friend, and that's all I ever wanted."

I feel like I'm no longer real. My universe crashes and burns around me. I go unresponsive. You repeat my name, but I don't say a word.

Me and you.

The next day we talk again.

I wish I could be more to you, but I'm not.

That's just how things are.

At least we're still friends. I hope we always will be.

I'm so glad I called you again. I'm so glad I told you.

If I hadn't told you, you would have avoided me and I would never have found the courage to admit the truth. Maybe we never would have talked again.

This isn't quite what I wanted, what I had dreamed of, but it will do.

I can still talk to you and see you and be with you.

It's not the perfection I had desired, but never mind that.

It's mine.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken since yesterday.

I hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.

I call you.

"Hi," you say.

"Hi," I say. "How come you never called me back?"

You hesitate and I know there's something to this.

"It's only been a day."

"You've never taken a day before."

You hesitate and I know I'm about to learn something important.

"I'm not sure that we want the same things out of this, out of us."

Every second word is stuttered.

I hesitate, but I have to say it.

"What if I told you that I love you?"

A frightening silence.

"Look, I can't-" Your voice cracks, you take a few seconds to center yourself. "I can't do this. I can't do us. Goodbye."

Panic.

"Wait. Wait, wait!" You're not speaking, my mind is racing. "It doesn't matter. I want to be your friend. I just want to be your friend. That's all."

I don't want to lose you, I can't.

"I- I'm sorry."

"Wait, don't do this wai-"

"Bye."

The call ends. You hung up.

You hung up.

I call back, you don't answer.

I call again, you don't answer.

I start crying.

The next day I call again, you don't answer.

The next week I decide to try a final time, you don't answer.

After a month I get a message from you saying you're sorry for the way you handled things. It leaves me feeling cold.

I don't answer.

Me and you.

We haven't spoken since yesterday.

I hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.

I call you.

The phone rings and rings.

It keeps ringing.

I realize you're not going to pick up.

It rings out. You didn't answer.

I try again, expecting the same result and getting it.

Maybe you're not near the phone.

I try again in an hour.

Nothing.

I don't know what to make of it.

The next day I try again

Nothing.

No communication at all.

I'm confused, sad and angry all at once.

Why are you doing this?

Will I ever get to talk to you again?

Why won't you tell me why you're doing this? What's your fucking problem?

I decided that you needed some space so I left you well alone.

It's been a week.

In the back of my mind I'm imagining you calling me out of the blue, apologizing and offering some perfectly rational explanation for the whole thing.

I imagine things going back to the way they were.

Today I ran into you in the street, well that's not quite right. I saw you down the street and I panicked, I went down a side road.

When I got home I regretted it badly.

I'm still here.

I call you with no expectation that you'll answer.

This time the call cancels straight away and I realize you've blocked me.

I stare at my phone for a while as though it had betrayed me.

I see myself reflected in the glossy blackness of the standby screen.

It's weak symbolism, but it hits me.

Until now none of this was certain. It was all a mere possibility. I hadn't really lost you until you made that choice to cut me out.

Now I'm hollow.

I cry all evening until I fall asleep.

In the morning I cut you out right back.

Your contacts and our chat logs blocked and deleted.

That present you got me, trashed.

Those feelings you elicited from me, abandoned.

It hurts me, but it makes me stronger.

I run into you at the supermarket a month later.

You look like you haven't slept, it makes me smile.

You see me and a spasm of emotions pass over your face.

Your muzzle hangs open.

You speak to me.

"Hi," when I don't respond you continue. "I fucked up."

"You did." I say.

I walk away.

The next year I run into you at the park, amusingly you look a little lost.

You tap your tail on mine and pretend it was some kind of accident.

"Long time, no see." You say.

You think I'll forgive you?

You think I could still love you?

You think you mean a damn to me anymore?

Go fuck yourself.

"Have we met?" I ask.

Your face sinks, you look nervous, you're fucking shaking.

"Oh, uh, um, I..." You stutter and stumble on your words.

I walk away.

It's been ten years.

I see your face in the newspaper.

You died of some kind of drug overdose, suspected suicide.

It hits me harder than it has any right to.

All those feelings I had caged away and stored up explode outwards.

I'm confused, sad and fucking angry all at once.

"You idiot!"

I'm yelling and crying.

"You okay honey?"

He comes over. He hugs me. He kisses me.

I show him the news article about you.

We talk.

We cry.

We carry on.

Me and him.

Me and you. ..

Me and you...

AC...

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