Serenifi: Double Z Training Video
(We see some lights ignite encasing a sphere of some kind, then we see a huge bit of text scroll across the sphere, until it stops at the center of the screen, revealing the sphere to be a furry breast, and the text to clearly read "SERENIFI", all while a grand, orchestral fanfare plays in the background.)
DOUBLE Z STUDIOS TRAINING VIDEO
ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO WARNER BROS, KESSIELOU, POLAND73, ERIC W. SCHWARTZ, CRABULA290E, MICHAEL RUSSELL, AND/OR ME!
(We are treated to a montage of still photos of various spots in Double Z Studios, accompanied by sports-montage music. These include a filming set, a locker room, a closet with dildos of various shapes and sizes, a janitor closet, a closet with seductive outfits, a bookshelf of "kama sutra" dictionaries, a computer, a closet with whips and strap-ons, a bookshelf with various dvds, a pile of used condoms, and a huge book with the text "Guinness World Info On Spoofable Material, before cutting to an exterior shot of the studio.)
Welcome aboard! If you're watching this video, let me be the first to say: Either "you must be 18 or older to view", or "Congratulations!"
(Cut to shot of a female brunette coyote, a purple-and-white female skunk, and a blonde-haired female skunk, before they suddenly have strap-ons and whips in their hands.)
You've recently been hired at Double Z Studios, and this is your first official week of training!
Serenity: Can we sleep with a canine male, now?
No, no... You've got a lot to learn before you're ready to bang anyone. As you can see by this giraffe...
(Cut to shot of a graph.)
Ahem... GIRAFFE.
(Cut to panning shot of male giraffe and his long neck, then a panning shot of his equally long, if not longer, schlong, where a female mouse with blond hair is grasping and licking onto.)
You're employed by one of the sexiest porn studios in California.
(Cut to exterior shot of DZS, first in daytime, than nighttime.)
But it didn't get that way overnight... Because it closes at six.
(Cut to portrait of a female black-and-white tiger-skunk hybrid.)
Now, the story of Double Z Studios is the story of one woman's hard work, perseverance, vision, determination, and randiness.
(Cut to upskirt shot, where we see a cord strapped to her ankle, reaching into her panties.)
But mostly, her randiness.
PART 1: FROM HUMBLE BEGINNINGS
(Cut to panning shot focusing on younger version of Zig-Zag, with glasses and braces, prancing around, singing to herself.)
You may think that Ms. Zig-Zag, owner and founder of Double Z Inc. has always been the horny woman she is today.
(We then see Zig-Zag insert a coin into a vending machine. She then pulls a magazine out.)
(Zoom in on the magazine to reveal that it is 'PLAYGIRL'.)
And you're right!
(Cut to shot of adult Zig-Zag laying on her bed with the blinds on her windows shut.)
After insert past war here, Zig-Zag stayed secluded in a deep depression that seemed endless.
(Cut to shot of Double Z Store, the studio's original identity.)
But her luck changed when she accepted a job at a bankrupt pornography store, and after a few promotions and alterations...
(Cut to Zig-Zag nailing a wooden plank with the word: "STUDIOS" on the sign.)
... Double Z Studios was born!
(Cut to exterior shot of DZS, before we hear a baby crying in the background.)
Offscreen Female Voice: Spike! This one's yours to look after!
(Cut to shot of a dildo in the shape of a canine penis.)
Sounds like a lotta...
Offscreen Male Voice: HOOPLA!
... Sounds like a lot...
OMV: HOOPLA!
... Sounds like a...
OMV: HOOPLA!
(Camera moves to the source of that voice.)
OMV: HOOPLA!
(Live-action hand shoots him with a pistol.)
Sounds like a lotta...
OMV: HOOPLA!
(Another gunshot. Half a minute of silence.)
Sounds like a lotta hoopla to make over a little smut, right? Hehe... You know, maybe you're right... There are plenty of other things in the world that would be great career choices for the people watching- WRONG!!!
PART 2: DOUBLE Z STUDIOS TODAY
(Same montage from earlier is shown, before cutting to the preparation of a group for the filming.)
To keep up with today's demanding and concupiscent customers, no expense has been spared to keep our new employees in the right mood.
(Cut to Zig-Zag holding a dildo.)
ZZ: This here's an advanced hormone-controlling mechanism.
(Cut to her demonstrating a robot with a questionable shape on it's crotch.)
ZZ: This here's our automated android for beginners...
(Suddenly, a starfish appears out of nowhere and touches it.)
Starfish: Touch.
ZZ: Don't touch.
(Cut to Zig-Zag holding a bunch of schoolgirl, nurse, and french maid uniforms.)
ZZ: These are high-quality influences on our filming... Imported.
Starfish: Touch.
ZZ: Don't touch.
(Zig-Zag holds a condom-like object, with a small tube trailing from the tip.)
ZZ: This here's a prototype semen transfer machine, for those couples out there with size differences...
Starfish: Touch.
ZZ: Don't touch!
(She holds up a pack of condoms.)
ZZ: And most importantly, you got your state-of-the-art semen disposal units.
Starfish: Touch.
ZZ (Now angry): Oh, for **** sake, you're not even supposed to be in this video!
(Cut to Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith surrounded by the aforementioned items.)
All of these tools seem a little overwhelming, don't they, Ms. Coyote, La-Fume, and Skunk? Luckily for you, Zig-Zag's fear of such jobs as the military, police, and SWAT, is what keeps new employees coming. (Maybe pun intended.) But if steaming-hot films are the offspring of Double Z Studios, then performers are the sperm and eggs.
(Cut to these three trainees standing next to a brunette female fox.)
Let's see if you've got what it takes. Hmm...
(Zoom in to close-ups of the three faces of the trainees, as they make various "o"-faces.)
Energetic, alluring, and smiles that say: "Hello sir, may I help you with that itch on your penis?" You've got the makings of good performers, Ms. Coyote, La-Fume, and Skunk! But for every good performer...
(Cut to shot of the brunette fox, who is reading "Reboots-likely-to-fail Weekly".)
... There's one who is not so good. Let's see... Uninterested, unimpressed, a sour face... Look closer at the... (Zoom-in to...) "I really wish I were hanging by my panties on the roof of a horny french skunks mansion right now" button. There's a name for performers like this, but we'll call this one: "Squidward".
Miranda: This is the right video, right, Zig-Zag?
ZZ (Offscreen): Sorry, can't hear you!
PART 3: TRAINING
Fifi: Does zis mean we get to, how you say, screw ze canine now?
No, you can't screw anyone without understanding the phrase: "OPISAE"
Meredith: "OPISAE"?
Once you understand "OPISAE", you'll understand you place at Double Z. But what does "OPISAE" mean?
(The trainees shrug: "I dunno.")
Actually, it's a carefully organized code. Look closely...
Our Porn Is Safe AND Entertaining.
Serenity: Oh! OPISAE!
Looks like Ms. Coyote, La-Fume, and Skunk understand OPISAE!
(Cut to a random guy entering the building.)
Here's a random guy. I wonder what he'll say about our content. Well, if we use OPISAE, we'll know what he'll ask.
Random Guy: Excuse me, sir?
Do you think he's going to question:
- Whether we use condoms or not.
- The ages of our performers. Or C. The possibility of purchasing a copy of "The Wizard Of Jizz"?
Random Guy: Could I get a job here?
Wait, what? I thought for sure that... Oh, well. OPISAE never lets us down.
(Cut to shot of canine dildo.)
Now that you understand OPISAE, I bet you think you're ready to get laid.
Fifi: Ooh-la-laaaa! (Runs toward the dildo with her companions, before getting squashed by a fly-swatter.)
Ha-ha. Not so fast, Eager Mcbeaver... We haven't even talked about...
HYGIENIC PREPARATION
(Cut to Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith in the locker room, as they have just finished stripping down to the nude.)
Every performer must get themselves pumped up for the excitement to come. (Again, maybe pun intended.) At the same time, they must remain sanitary, AND remember not to enjoy themselves too much, otherwise, they'd have to start all over again.
(Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith walk over to the showers, and tape pictures of their respective boyfriends posing seductively in speedos to the wall, before turning the faucet.)
OK, Ms. Coyote, La-Fume, and Skunk, are you ready for your performances?
(They begin to trace their fingers across their own bodies, before stroking the outside of their temples.)
A good performer always washes themselves thoroughly. Be sure to do some actual penetration.
(They nod, and insert a single finger inside.)
And don't forget about any felines.
(They insert a couple more fingers.)
And make sure you're ready to take those knots!
(They resort to fisting themselves.)
All right, let's see those hands!
(They each pull their sticky fists out, and present them to the screen.)
Now that's thorough!
(Cut to Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith in robes.)
Now that your finger and toenails are polished, you face is clear of any imperfections, (Fifi notices a tiny bit of vaginal fluid on her ear, before taking it, and rubbing it in her hair.) And your hair is neat and tidy and smell like some kind of fruit, you're ready to start the performance! Now lets see how Squidward prepares for her performance.
(Camera moves to Miranda, who is masturbating to her boyfriend, Rinny, before ejaculating, noticing the camera, chuckling nervously, and pulling the curtain closed.)
Remember: No employee wants to be a Squidward!
(Cut to canine dildo.)
Now that you're clean and primed, I bet you think you're ready to feel that strong meat inside of you!
Meredith: Alriiight! We're ready! (They all split into multiple clones, chanting "we're ready", before they all get squashed by a fly swatter.)
Whoa, there! We still have a few more topics to cover first.
YOUR JERK STATION
(Cut to Serenity, Fifi and Meredith, ironing a schoolgirl uniform, a french maid uniform, and a cheerleader uniform, respectively.)
It's important to keep your costumes tidy and free of wrinkles. But tidy costumes are only part of the job.
(The three girls imagine the same thought bubble: A long, thick, deep-red sausage, complete with a knot, emerging from a furry pouch.)
To make the vision in your head a reality, you'll need to memorize and fully recognize your partner's turn-ons.
(Serenity looks in a folder at Spike's profile, where you can see the following text: Name: Spike. Last Name: Ehh... Wolf. Gender: Male, if you haven't noticed his muscles. Species: Ehh... Wolf. Height: 9 ft. Weight: 240 lbs. Penis Size: A whole friggin' foot! Turn-Ons: Fairy-tale cosplays, size differences (just look at his wife!), that's about it.)
(Cut to Serenity approaching Spike in a dress and a red cloak.)
Serenity (Groping his length): My, Granny... What a big... Tongue you've got!
Spike: All the better to do THIS to you! (Immediately pulls Serenity into a french kiss.)
Very good Ms. Coyote! Not a line out of place! Now let's see how well Squidward's memory is.
(Cut to Miranda in a pink lolita dress, approaching Hoss.)
Hoss: Uh, even we porn-stars have our limits...
Miranda: Damn it!
Don't worry Squidward... Ms. La-Fume can cover for you while you change.
(Cut to Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith in a dressing room.)
Now that your knowledge is at it's most powerful, perhaps you think you're ready to get a chunk of that meat!
(They all start behaving like dogs, barking and racing around in eagerness, before they catch a bone thrown by an offscreen source.)
Calm down. There's still plenty of time left.
(Suddenly, an old man with a long beard and a turban shows up on a carpet.)
Old Man: There is no time!
Hey! What're you doing here? Get out! There's nothing that concerns you!
OM(As he races off on his carpet): Squadallah! I'm off!
Where was I...? Oh, yeah. Now it's time to discuss the psychological aspect of being a porn-star:
O-FACING WITH YOUR BOSS
(Cut to Meredith approaching Zig-Zag, who is on her computer, signing a contract with the text: "Get TTG Canceled For Good!!!")
Meredith: Zig-Zag, in our film, can I be the dom when you're through?
Zig-Zag (Immediatley, without looking back): No.
Good job, Ms. Skunk!
All three girls: Can we get a twinkie no... (Gets cut off)
And now we go from behind the scenes to the front lines, where we'll examine the most important aspect of any porno: The male. Or, as we prefer to call them, "P-N1000".
(Cut to a male weasel entering the studio.)
Slick: Who said that? Did someone leave the speakers on last night?
Like a stiff, long sausage in a bun, (thank you, Seth Rogen, for sticking that comparison in my ear) the male performer is what keeps the female performer as sensual as they should be in the film.
(Cut to Slick, who notices Miranda approaching him in a familiar blue dress, with a familiar hairstyle.)
Slick: Wow... (Growls in lustful manner.) You look like a mighty fine brit...
Miranda: *Sighs* Let's just get this over with. (She lays down on the floor before the perverted polecat.)
(Slick then kneels down, grabs Miranda's foot, and removes the black mary-jane shoes, before pulling off her plain-white socks, and proceeding to lick her bare paws. After a while, he moves up to her torso, and undos the white apron, before pulling off the blue dress, and pulling down the plain-white petticoat. He then pulls off Miranda's plain-white camisole, and begins licking her breasts, but not before pulling down her plain-white bloomers. After a while, he kneels down, and begins to lick between the vixen's legs.)
Miranda: Can we just skip to the actual inter...
Uh-uh-uh, Squidward! Remember what Zig-Zag says...
(Cut to live-action cardboard cutout of the tiger-skunk hybrid, with a speech bubble containing the following words:)
Zig-Zag: The male is always right!
(Cut back to Miranda and Slick.)
Slick: The speakers are right, Mira... I mean, Squidward. You don't seem enjoyable at all.
Miranda: *Sighs* (In british accent) Well, I must say, you Americans have a wonderful custom... Care to share more with me? (Bends over, presenting her bare rump.)
Slick: With pleasure... (Immediately sticks his tool inside her, and proceeds to hump.)
Ten minutes later...
(Cut to Slick, still doing Miranda, albeit in a different position.)
We'll get back to these two later. Right now would be a good time to discuss...
EMERGENCY SITUATIONS
(Cut to Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith looking around in a suspecting manner.)
Like the food served at such locations as Weenie Burger, Burger Emperor, and Pizza Teepee, the porn industry is often considered to be a health hazard. And where there's a health hazard, there's a greedy-ass celebrity trying desperately to exploit it. So it's up to you Miss Coyote, La-Fume and Skunk to keep a watchful eye out for... (Cut off by the sound of a door slamming open.)
(Cut to a man with a pudgy nose, glasses, a beard, a cap, and some extra weight standing at the entrance, next to some cameramen.)
It's the child brat of Acme Acres: Montana Max!
Montana: Such poor souls... Of all the options for their future, they had to pick this one...
He's demonizing the porn industry! What're you going to do missus...es?
(All three females start screaming and running around the building, covering themselves in condoms. Meanwhile, Zig-Zag and her fellow performers approach the tyrannical documenter.)
Montana: You'll never stop me! Not when I bring up the fact that half of your performers aren't 18!
(The performers all pull out their I.D.s, revealing that they are 19 or older.)
Montana: I knew I should have roped that teenager on the streets into an interview.
(Cut to an exterior shot of the building, where we see Montana get kicked out the door.)
Montana: Mark my words... Random porn-stars... Soon, every kid in Acme Acres will go through puberty, and they'll start looking at your content, therefore prompting their parents to send enough angry letters to lead to your down... (Suddenly gets squashed by giant foot.)
Zig-Zag: That's why Net Nanny was invented. (To giant foot) Thanks, First Amendment!
Giant: Don't mention it. (Heads off, while we see Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith still running amok like the world is coming to a nuclear downfall.)
And so, another emergency is avoided, thanks to the first ame... I mean, Miss Coyote, La-Fume, and Skunk! Let's get back to Squidward.
(Cut back to Slick, who's still screwing Miranda like there's no tomorrow.)
Psst... Squidward...
Miranda: Huh?
Remember... OPISAE.
Miranda: Hey, Slick?
Slick: Yeah?
Miranda: Guess what? Our next film together will entail me cosplaying as Darla Dimple!
Slick: Really? (He gets so excited that he immediately ejaculates.) Damn, I must have been dead since prison! 'Cause this is what I call Heaven! (He the pulls out.)
Miranda: Oh, thank god... That was a mouthful...
Slick: Wait... We still haven't gotten to the dessert... (He immediately stuffs his tool in Miranda's mouth.)
(Miranda, dumbfounded by this, pulls out a sign saying: "SHOOT ME NOW!")
Hang in there, Squidward, it's all part of the job...
(Cut to a manual with the words: "How to prank your college enemies with sweets!")
Wait... Hang on...
(A live-action hand immediately pushes the manual off-screen, and places a new one, with the text: "Pornography 101")
Now that we've covered the basics of your training, it's time for the moment you've been waiting for!
(Cut to a lighted screen, where a canine dildo slowly appears into focus, while the narrator is going "dah-dah-dah" in a rhythmic pattern, before getting tired, yet still retaining the strength to finish the singing on a final note.)
Taking the meat!
(Cut to Serenity, Fifi, and Meredith, now nude, bowing before a male wolf, with his King-Kong sticking out between his legs.)
At the center of every great dynasty is the crown jewel that keeps it alive and... Whatever symptoms of alive there are.
(The three females crawl to the wolf.)
For Double Z Studios, that jewel is the male form!
(They lick the dong.)
And now you, the humble females of Acme Acres, the ideal centers of every furry's adoration, will learn how to handle, with your very hands and reproductive system, the sumptuousness, lip-moistening, spine-tingling, heart-stopping pleasure center that is the average male at Double Z Studios! Are you ready?
(The females nod.)
Are you sure?
(They nod again.)
Are you REALLY sure?
(They nod again.)
Are you REALLY REALLY sure?
(They nod so hard, that their heads fly off their bodies.)
OK! The secret to pleasing the male i...
(Suddenly gets cut off by a black screen with the following text: "DISCLAIMER: THIS PIECE OF FURRY LITERATURE HAS BEEN FORCIBLY REMOVED BY THE DUE TO A VIOLATION IN THE COPYRIGHT LAWS THAT DON'T REALLY MATTER ANYMORE. SORRY ABOUT THAT. (Frowny face))
Oh, **** you guys! It's not like I sold this to anyone or called this my own! You will indeed be sorry when I'm through with you!
THE END. (The sports-montage music starts playing in the credits.)
The following is for entertainment purposes only! Any other copyrighted material I may have overlooked in the opening are used here for satirical and non-profit purposes.