FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Somehow, I managed to rent an even smaller apartment in the new town. What it lacked in cracked and dingy walls, it made up for in questionable carpet stains and noisy neighbors. But, for the price and how last minute everything was, I was willing to straddle being grateful, at least until I could find solid work and afford something better.

I had attended the transfer student orientation and got a tour of the campus. It wasn't a bad school, but it wasn't quite as prestigious as my last one either. It did carry a much more comfortable, relaxed feel. And a new school meant a new start; something I desperately was craving. No more whispers. No more frat bros sneering at me. I was anonymous here, and I planned to keep it that way; I wasn't going to throw this second chance away.

My councilor and I mapped out a strict two year plan to get me through and out with a degree in time. As long as I passed all my classes, everything would be perfect. No more distractions.

The first few days went smoothly. I had large enough classes that I could just slip in and out without much social interaction, and the syllabi seemed promising to challenge me enough to not be bored for the rest of the semester. By the fourth day, I had pretty much planned out the rhythm that I'd be living for the next few months, and it seemed to suit me well, and even left me with enough time to fit in a part time job. Everything seemed to finally be going my way.

On the fifth day, I only had one class, early in the morning: a three hour lecture on classic literature. I had read most of the books so I figured it'd be pretty easy. I plopped down in my usual location towards the front and tried to ignore the talkative freshman around me. Apparently, it was a class normally taken in the first year, but it was a requirement I couldn't get waived. This school definitely had a different vibe to it. Everyone was much more squirrely. Someone even shot a spit ball at the wildebeest sitting next to me. I tried to ignore it. The last thing I needed at this new school were bullies.

The three hours blew past, and when the professor dismissed us, I quickly packed up my things and headed out. The quad seemed particularly busy for a Friday, but I figured it would thin out as the semester wore on, especially since classes here didn't seem to care much for taking attendance.

I tried to avoid eye contact with anyone, but it was hard not to crowd watch with so many interesting looking characters walking around. It was like a TV show, with every stereotype you could imagine trying to make their mark on their underclassmen experience. I guess everyone has something to prove, especially in the first week of school. As for me, I just wanted to get back to my apartment so I could get an early start on job hunting. I figured most of them would be gone with such a late start, but with a little extra effort, I had a feeling I could bump into something special.

"Watch yourself, faggot!" I heard behind me. I quickly turned around, just to make sure it wasn't meant for me.

A trio of buff looking jock wolves were glaring at a fox who was trying to scamper backwards away from them. He was moving too quickly for me to get out of the way, and he collided right into me. I looked down at him, and he turned around.

My blood ran cold.

A flood of memories surged into my head and everything went numb. Flashes of dreams, night terrors, drawings pinned to walls slowly soaking in red wine, blurred my thinking. There it was. The face that had tormented me since I last saw it; the face that had ruined my life, that had taken my entire family from me. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I just stood there.

He said something, but I didn't hear it. All I could think was how much I hated him.

"Get away from me," I heard come out of my mouth. I felt my fists tighten. My heart rushed blood through my entire body.

"What...?" he asked.

I watched his confused face. I never wanted to see it again. How did he find me? How could things finally start to go well for me, and then his stupid face pop up right in front of me again as if nothing had happened? "Don't ever talk to me again." My chest heaved out the words. Every part of me was shaking. "I don't want you around me, so leave."

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't know."

He didn't know? He didn't know what he had put me though? He didn't know the torment, the torture, the abandonment, the beatings, the heartbreak he put me through? I felt my knuckles crack in my hand. Every muscle in my body was on edge, wanting to hit him; wanting him to feel the pain that I have suffered. I felt my hooves turn and the world drifted past me as I walked away.

I walked home, my blood still boiling, the scenario replaying in my head, making me angrier and angrier. By the time I got to my hotel, I was drenched with sweat, so I sat in the darkness, trying to calm down.

I woke up the next day still crumpled up in a chair. I had a headache desperately trying to split open my skull, and the rage inside of me still burned with an undying passion.

How was I going to stop this? How could I finally get a fresh start, only to have the worst thing that's ever happened to me catch me and try to sink me back down?

I didn't get much job hunting done that weekend, or much of anything else. I needed Monday's classes to distract me, but even there, I could feel others staring. A lioness was giving me the evil eye. Could she know? Was my secret out already? Had Jude told everyone who I was? Maybe I could still transfer schools, and just miss a semester.

I avoided anything with orange fur on campus. I kept as low a profile as I could. It seemed to work, but the extra time I was taking scanning everywhere I went was making me almost late to classes. The creeping fear was taking its toll on my sleep to.

When Friday morning finally crept around, I kept telling myself that I just had to get through one more class before I could hide myself back in my apartment for a weekend. I made it into class with just a few minutes to spare.

I skimmed over the hall trying to find an empty seat near the front when a flash of orange caught my eye. I looked over and saw Jude looking back at me with an apprehensive smile.

"Oh fuck no," I said under my breath, moving quickly to the front where the professor was sitting, looking at something on her laptop.

"Professor Little?" I asked, trying to discretely catch my breath. "I really need to talk to you."

Her eyes moved up from the computer to the clock, then back to her computer. "You have two minutes."

"My name is Darrick Helm, it's nice to meet you." She didn't accept my offer for a handshake. "I really need to transfer to another time for this class."

Her eyes rolled towards me. "Mr. Hen, this is the only time slot for this class. I only offer it once a semester."

"Are you sure?" I said before realizing the stupidity of the question. "Is there something else we can arrange? Maybe private study? I already have read most of the books, so I could take tests during your offi-"

"Mr. Hen." She gave me an annoyed look. "I only offer this course once a semester, because that is how I designed it. If I let everyone take tests whenever and wherever they wanted, I wouldn't be a teacher, I'd be a tutor, and I'd be paid a much higher salary for babying 300 students. But, I'm not. I am a professor teaching a lecture class. 300 students, one class. So, I would suggest you find yourself a seat, as you have 10 seconds before I start my lecture, and everyone is staring at you, not me, and that's a problem."

I turned around to see 299 sets of eyes all looking at me, including Jude. I sighed, my shoulders fell, and I slowly crept up the stairs, looking down each row, desperate for an empty seat, but every single one had filled... except for the one next to Jude.

I weighed my options and if I really needed a degree, before running through every curse word I knew in my head. I squeezed down the line and sat in the chair as far over as I could without falling off.

"I would like to start the lecture today," the professor said, loudly and with a bit of sting, "By reminding you all of my office hours, which are the appropriate times to contact me with questions about the course. They are written in your syllabus for any future reference. Now, let's start with a breakdown of your reading from last week."

"Everything ok?" Jude whispered.

I ignored him.

"Sorry about yesterday. Did I do something wrong?" I tried to keep my face from contorting in anger. "I didn't mean to bump into you. I really feel we got off to the wrong start here."

My ears perked up. What did he say?

"What is your name?" he asked. "Mine is Jude." He held out a paw.

I just looked at it, and then up at him. He had a genuine smile on his face.

"Really?"

His smile dropped. "Look, I will be one hundred percent honest with you, I really don't know what I did to offend you, but if there is anywa-"

"You really don't remember me?" I said, almost too stunned to speak.

"No... have we met before?"

I looked straight ahead. I didn't know how to respond. I was hurt, but it was almost funny. The fox I had obsessed over for so many years didn't even remember me. The face that decorated my notebooks and walls, the one that kept me sane for so long in times of trouble, and absolutely mad in others, the one I could barely not see when I closed my eyes, couldn't even recognize me.

I don't know when I started laughing, but I realized I was when I heard a very shrill "MR. HEN!" from the front of the class. "WHAT IS SO FUNNY?"

I slapped my hand over my mouth and felt the tears roll down my face as I grabbed my backpack and excused myself from the hall to the confused stares of everyone. So much for keeping a low profile.

When I heard the hall doorway close behind me, I burst out laughing so hard, it felt like I was going to puke. I saw a pissed off looking student close a door across the hallway as I rolled onto my side. My abs ached, but I couldn't help myself; I finally snapped. I tried to rub the tears from my eyes, but it just made them burn.

Through my blurry vision, I could make out an orange blob hovering over me. I blinked a few times and Jude came into focus, his backpack over his shoulder.

"I fucking hate you," I wheezed between labored breaths. "You ruined my life, you bastard."

Jude just watched in confused horror, looking around, trying to decide if he should get someone.

"You're a steaming pile of shit," I said, making myself laugh harder as all of the frustration of the years spilled out of me in one uncontrollable burst. "I wish you were dead!"

Jude took a step back.

"You really..." I gave a wheezing cough and propped myself up, barely keeping in a giggle. "You really don't remember who I am, do you? You asshole." I rubbed the wet spots under my eyes and sniffled.

Jude shook his head.

I lifted my knees to my elbows and propped up my head on my arms, looking up at the fox. "You haven't changed much since high school."

"D... Darrick?" Jude asked, squinting down at me, and then his eyes getting large. His mouth dropped open, and a faint raspy huff came out. "But... you look so different. You're all... big now."

"And you're still scrawny. Funny how that works."

"Darrick... it's been so long. I... How... where? Wh-"

"I'm going to stop you there," I said, standing up and looking him in the eye. "You are the biggest mistake I have ever made." His ears fell down. "I do not want anything to do with you. I don't want to ever look at you, I don't want to ever talk to you, I don't ever want to even think about you. I need to take this class, so I'm going to need to have you back off and disappear from my life."

"But, I-"

"I know we can't avoid each other completely, it's not that big of a campus, but I need us to pretend we don't know each other. You are out of my life. Poof. Gone. Got it?"

"Wha-"

"Good." I took one last look at him. "Goodbye, Jude."

I walked off, and left the building, still fighting the urge to chuckle. I'd message the professor later and use the "My dad died" card to excuse my laughter and get the notes and assignments for the day. Everything would be back to normal. I'd get my second change again.