Shapeshifter
Sometimes transformation isn't convenient.
I'd been lying awake for four hours by the time I finally sat up. I could feel it. Fuck.
I was careful in how I moved; I didn't want to wake Shane up. Sure, he slept like a log, but there was a limit. I glanced over at him, half-covered by the sheets, his mouth slightly ajar in his sleep. He always slept like that - there were nights where it almost looked like he was surprised, with his handsome muzzle open and slack. I'd entertained the thought of trying to just close his muzzle in his sleep once or twice, just to see if it would stay. I'd never done it, though - my otter was too precious when he was asleep.
I grimaced as I thought that. "My otter" - it was second-nature at this point, whenever I looked at Shane. It was something that had just slipped into my thoughts over time, and now it was hard for me to look at him without some feeling of 'mine.' At first it had felt nice to just let those thoughts linger. Maybe he could just be mine, my something to come home to.
That good feeling had only lasted as long as it took me to consider whether he thought about me in the same way. Did he think of me as 'his' squirrel?
It was similar thoughts that were keeping me from falling asleep. I stood up gingerly, grabbed my phone from the bedside table, and tiptoed away from the slumbering otter. I could feel it coming, and I didn't want to be near him when it happened. I slipped out of our small apartment, careful to leave the door unlocked, and wandered down the hallway to the bathrooms. I wrinkled my nose at the cocktail of smells; there were hints of everything that everybody on the floor had made for dinner. I stepped into the bathroom, then locked the door and leaned back against it. I kept my eyes shut, and breathed slowly in and out. I could almost feel the sleeping breaths of the rest of the apartment building on my fur. The fact that I was awake was somehow wrong; a violation of the natural state of every other creature here.
Not like that was a particularly new feeling, mind.
At length, I hit the light, then wandered over to the sink. I stared up into the reflection in the streaked mirror. A handsome, twenty-something black squirrel looked back at me. I was lean and dark, with striking green eyes. I hadn't bothered to put anything else on, so all I wore were my boxers. My fur looked flattened and matted in places from lying in bed, and my bushy tail was twitching behind me.
I'd long since grown used to that reflection. It was comfortable. I'd gotten over the confusion months ago; the thoughts that it was a stranger I was staring at, or the expectation to see a striped tigress or a chubby polar bear looking back at me. I was used to the city now, too; I could get around day to day without getting lost.
For a while, that had been enough. Lately, though, that familiar itch had returned. It was that feeling of being trapped, of needing to get away from everything. I used to try to describe it as that whole 'rolling stones gather no moss' thing, but then that Bob Dylan song ruined the analogy for me.
I stared into that reflection for a few more moments. It was coming. I'd felt it coming for a while, but it had seemed like a long way off. Now it was here. I lifted my phone, and snapped a picture of my reflection. I sent the picture off to my email address - the one I used specifically for this, that nobody else knew existed. No emails had ever been sent out from that address; it just had a series of emails in it from various addresses. No subjects, no bodies. Just a series of empty emails, each one with a picture of what appeared to be another person's face. Now one more for the collection.
Once I'd deleted any records of having sent the email, I took a deep breath. Okay, sure. It was time. I placed my hands on the sink for balance, and looked my reflection in the eye.
One breath in, one breath out.
It started in my shoulders. The muscles in them tensed, and my face creased in slight discomfort. The feeling of having had an intense workout ran through my upper arms, into my shoulders, and across my upper back. As I stared into my reflection, I watched my shoulders swelling, then spreading wider. I raised an eyebrow at that; I was going to be big again. It had been a while since I'd last had a big body.
The tenseness stretched from my shoulders down my arms, and I watched as they too thickened. As the tension left my shoulders, it was almost like my pores were relaxing their grip on my fur. I watched as the black fur fell free, spreading out from opposite points on my shoulders. Underneath, my pinkish skin was rapidly darkening, soon reaching a solid black that was darker than my fur had been.
The tension reached my fingers, and in its wake my flesh broadened with muscle, my fur fell out, and my skin grew black. Meanwhile, the tension had also stretched to my chest. I sucked in deep, steadying breaths as my pecs stretched wider. My hands, still gripping the porcelain of the sink, squeezed, trying to cope with the overstimulation. I ducked my head a bit as the relaxation also slipped down my chest and back, then glanced up at myself again. The fur across my chest had also fallen out, but this time the flesh had turned a clean, pale white.
I stared at the smooth black and white flesh of my arms and chest for a few moments, mismatched with the rest of my slight, black-furred form of my body, and suddenly it clicked in my head. I stared up into my face, and blinked. I brought my hands up to my face, nervous now, and started fiddling at my nosering with thicker, stubbier black fingertips.
I struggled at the piercing there while the sensations crept lower and higher. When they reached my neck, I sucked in a startled breath. The tension there was much more intense, my neck broadening out significantly. It wasn't just muscle - part of it was just fat to help smooth out the transition from my head to my torso. It was a bizarre sensation, to suddenly have all of that mass pushing out.
At the same time, as it reached the mid-section of my torso and back, an intense pressure built up along my spine. My forehead creased, and I bent forward at the power of the feeling. I finally managed to pop the ball out of my nosering, and slid the ring out. I let out a breath, and just stared into my hunched forward reflection. I could see black flesh pressing and rising up out of my back. The feeling of cool air on the new, bare skin was alien, and made it hard to focus. The flesh rose in a short line along my spine, pressing out. I tilted my thickening body to get a good look at the shape, and was not at all surprised to see the arch of a dorsal fin.
The tension spread further, higher up into my muzzle and down into my belly. This was always the most disorienting part. I forced myself to stare into my face as the features shifted, my handsome, defined muzzle smoothing out into a snout. My nostrils narrowed, and I gave mental thanks that I'd been able to get the ring out. As the fur began falling out, my snout finished forming into a blunted point, white flesh under my chin shifting to black in a clean line. I opened my mouth to watch my teeth shifting, and was surprised by how much wider it would open.
I was distracted from watching any more of my face when a rumbling broke out in my stomach and hips. That same tension built up, and my trim stomach pressed out. I watched some broad muscle build up, before being covered with a layer of fat. It gave me a solid, husky look; not fat, not even chubby, but certainly not powerlifter or anything. The fur fell free, leaving behind clean white flesh on my rounder stomach.
There wasn't a lot left for my head at this point. I shuddered as my ears began twitching, but I knew that I had other matters to attend to. I reached down to my boxers, which were already feeling quite tight. I could feel the tension spreading to my buttocks, and I knew I didn't have much time left. I tugged the back of my boxers down just a bit, and grabbed onto the base of my big, bushy tail. I pulled it free, being none-too-delicate. Once it was free, I let the waistband of my boxers snap back into place partway down my now much thicker, perfectly white rumpcheeks.
There was a moment of intense disorientation as my big, triangular ears finally twitched down, and seemed to almost melt into the side of my head. It left my head entirely smooth and rounded and black. I took a quick look at my face, staring myself in my eyes. Still green. That was nice, at least. The rest of it, I was going to have to get used to.
The itchiness spread to the rest of my legs at the same time as it started along the base of my tail. I gripped onto the sink again and braced myself. I was aware of my thighs thickening, but I was most focused on my tail. When the tension hit it, the feeling was... well. Intense. It radiated from the fluffy base, and even seemed to echo back into my rump. I let out a grunt as I felt the fluffy appendage begin bulking out. It spread rapidly, swelling with powerful muscle. In a gut-churning moment, I felt its orientation shift; going from being mostly erect and pointed upwards to pushing out, and then downward. At the same time, the added bulk pressed back against my rump, and I felt my rump, thighs, and hips shifting their stance to adapt. My feet worked at the floor a bit as they shifted further apart, my stance settling into a more comfortable, wide-legged orientation.
The powerful tension worked its way down my tail, swelling the appendage with muscle all the way. I could feel the way it moved changing; whereas before I could make it twitch with very little effort, now it swayed with long, powerful rolls. The fur was falling away, revealing mostly black flesh. There was a bit of white along the underside close the the base, but it soon turned black all around.
My calves were the next thing to get hit. They tensed, almost feeling like they were cramping as they filled with sufficient muscle to support my new build. I was swaying a bit on my feet at this point, but my heavier tail lifted to help with my balance. The very end of it was still fluffy and twitchy, but the sensation of change was washing over it, too. I could see it in my reflection, bulking with muscle like much of the rest of my tail had. This time, though, it kept swelling, pushing out to either side to form a heavy, powerful fluke.
With that, I was mostly done. I stood up straight, and glanced myself over as my feet finished up. An orca. A thick one, at that. I'd never been an aquatic creature before. This could have some fun possibilities. My boxers were stretched uncomfortably tight; they'd been made for a creature several sizes smaller than I now was. I took a few steps, getting used to my wide-legged stance and the heavy swaying of my tail. If I were to straighten my legs, I would probably be taller than I had been as a squirrel. As it was, I was probably about on par for size.
I took a short while tidying up all of the fur that was on the ground. Once I'd managed to sweep it up and dump it into the garbage can, I grabbed my phone, which was still sitting on the side of the sink. I was about to run it under the sink for a few moments, but I hesitated. It was annoying as hell trying to plan an escape without a phone, and it was always a headache getting a new device and plan. Sure, it was a risk to have it with me, but it would just be for a couple days. I tucked the phone in my elbow, tied off the top of the garbage bag, and then brought the bag with me.
I wandered back through the hallway, wincing at how heavy my steps were now. I had to move slowly, because my mind wasn't used to my new bulk. The smell from before was gone, but I was somehow more aware of all the sounds now. Just one more thing to get adapted to.
I stepped into our apartment. There was a suitcase I kept in the closet, which Shane had never asked about. I dug it out, and unzipped it. It was full of clothes in various styles and shapes; an important thing for any shapeshifter to have on them at any moment. I rooted through it until I'd dug out a pair of large shorts, and a tanktop with a low-cut back. I slipped them on, covering up my smooth black and white skin. It was weird feeling the clothing pressing against me without a buffer of fur.
I zipped the suitcase back up, and went to leave. As I reached the door, though, I cursed to myself. I'd forgotten my wallet. I turned back, and glanced at the doorway to the bedroom. I stared at it long and hard, and glanced at the suitcase and the garbage bag.
I sighed, then wandered carefully back over. I cracked open the door, and slid inside. I kept my eyes low, purposefully not glancing to the bed. I thanked my lucky stars that Shane was such a heavy sleeper as I wandered clumsily along in the dark, looking for my pants.
Eventually I found them, and lifted them off the ground. They looked hilariously tiny next to my new body. I shook my head, retrieved my wallet from the pocket, then tossed the pants into the hamper. Without thinking I glanced over to the bed.
Shane was still just lying there, half his body covered by the sheets, his handsome face stretched in a slack-jawed grimace. His chest rose and fell softly, and I could hear his long breaths.
I kept staring at him. I had to go. I couldn't just stay here. I'd changed; that meant it was time for a new life, to take off and find some other place. Better to just make the break as clean and as sudden as possible. Besides, I had to go get a new phone, a new phone plan, pick a city to go to, buy bus tickets... All the normal steps I had to take every time I took off to find somewhere else.
I couldn't look away, though. Somewhere, deep in my much thicker and broader chest, I felt a pang at the thought of just leaving my otter without saying goodbye. My otter.
I walked out, and closed the door gently behind me. Then I was out the door, down the steps, out the front of the apartment building. I went around to the dumpster, and tossed in the garbage bag full of my fur. I started walking down the empty street, hands shoved into my pockets. My gait was slow and measured as my body continued trying to adapt to its new shape.
As I walked, I fished out my phone, and glanced at it. As soon as I had my plan ready and I'd bought a new phone, I would have to destroy it. I briefly wondered about whether or not I should save some of my pictures of Shane from it.
That stopped my walking. I let out a long, annoyed sigh. I was going to regret this. I already knew that I was definitely going to regret this. Still...
I swiped to unlock my phone, and wrote out a text. It took a few tries; my fingers were thicker than I remembered, and I kept making stupid typos. On top of that, I wrote a few that were way too cheesy and foreboding, with lots of, If you love me_s and _I've wanted to share this with you_s. At length, frustrated, I just deleted everything I'd written, and typed out, _Had to head out early. Need to talk. Meet me at the Starbucks on 5th and Tupper at 11.
- That would give me enough time to have my escape plan ready in case things went badly. Good. I went to send the message, then hesitated. After a long moment, my fingers swiped across the keypad, and added, Love you.
I hit send, and then I kept walking.