Accent experiment - Good or Bad?
Experimenting with accents in dialogue. Not sure if I should even have an accent at ALL, but I figured I should try and get it down anyways. Critique mainly on the dialogue, the rest was thrown together. =( Thanks! Towards the end it starts reminding me of Skwisgaar from Dethklok.......I think thats a bad sign.
Rekan turned to the south, the wind changed and brought the thick smell of decay and blood, his dull gray fur flicking in the breeze as he shuffled in his armor. The battlefield that stretched before him filled him with despair, those idiotic imperials, after years of peace they throw themselves at the northern gates. The gates were compromised of natural and forged defenses. The mountains funneled all the forces and pushed them against the cliffs and against the huge, steel gates that separated the northern regions from the rest of the world. Never were they this bold, or stupid.
He shook his fur; the snow that layered his armor broke free and littered the air. His nostrils flared as he picked up the scent of musty paper and leather, Kandre, the tactical advisor and maintenance wolf for the gates. He was always writing down new weapon and mechanics for the gates to run smoothly, yet fast. He approached Rekan and saluted, his fur gray yet the moon played a sort of blue tint on it. His sharp bronze eyes caught Rekan's own cold black stare. Kandre shivered in his light mail, the stare always got to him. "Sir, all deh weapons are ready tah fire" Reported Kandre in his light accent. "Dat is good." Rekan nodded and watched the massive steel gates slide back into place.
Kandre stood silently next to Rekan "so...eh, what you doin' latah?" Rekan turned away from the battlefield "Drink, den we decide." They made their way up the mountain path that wound its way past the solid steel gates and up to small opening that lead to the monstrous mountain city. The city was a massive circle that was divided into four quarters, Kandre and Rekan entered the massive great hall that lead to the center axis of the city. The ceiling arced high above them as the torches that lined the columns cast a warming glow against the stone. The hall was large enough to house many traders that had contracts with the north, the set up small booths and sell their wares in the spaces of the hall.
Rekan and Kandre reached the end of the hall and entered the center axis of the city. Besides the living quarters this was the place where people lived. A Giant circle with tiers and steppes radiating outward, with millions of houses, stores and inns lined together. Rekan nudged past some other bears as Kandre followed, they both made their way down a massive street that housed many of the bars and major shops.
Rekan pushed against a heavy door and entered a smoky bar, Kandre followed squinting his eyes in the acrid air. The polar bear commander walked over to the bar and flopped into a bear sized chair, Kandre followed and could nearly curl up comfortably in one. "'Ey I could take one a dese for a bed" He laughed and got comfortable just as a slim ferret walked down the counter to them. "So what'll it be t'night mah fine commander?" he said a bit mockingly. Rekan didn't smile just nodded "Shut it Trey, just give deh usual." Trey shook his head with a smile and reached below the counter, taking out a tall slim bottle of lime green bourbon and poured some into small shot glass. He turned around to an ice box and plopped two ice cubes into it. Plopping an elbow on the table Trey relaxed "So....how did the battle treat yah t'day?"
Rekan sipped some of the shot glass, Kandre eyeing it, he needed to get used to everything bear sized. "It vent well, although I don't see deh imperials comin' back eva....if there smart dat is" Rekan finished the shot and motioned to Kandre "Drink." Trey moved his gaze over to Kandre "Somethin light I guessin?" Kandre sighed "Yeh, just some beer, throw a bit o cherry in it, if you would." Trey turned on Kandre "You think we carry cherries way up here in dese high lands?" Kandre shook his head, he forgot that he imported cherries for his own use. "Forgive me, jus' a beer then." Trey swiftly plucked a mug from a rack and spun the tap of a keg as the liquid frothed and he set it down in front of Kandre "Dun worry 'bout it."
Kandre drank some of the beer, its warm foam graced his throat as he sighed "That's really good.." He relaxed with a smile. Trey ears perked and his whiskers twitched with a smile "Why thank yah, the brewers in these north lands are known for their good yields." Kandre smiled, now knowing first hand. Rekan snorted "Next t'ing dese imperials will fight us for our brews." They all chuckled, drinking some more. "So Trey, you don't sound from around here....what's yer story?", Asked Kandre as he finished his mug. Trey's eyes grew a bit distant as his ears folded back, Rekan gave Kandre an odd glimpse. "Well, where do I start..." Trey spun around and got himself a mug of beer, resting his arm on the counter again. "Mah family were always traders, travelin and the what not, I never really cared for that....we stopped in a clans town once while we travelled through the red deserts. Moons Fire, is what it was called. I met a fine, fine damsel there." He drank from his mug; a smile crossed his face as he remembered. "She was the best thing to happen to me. We separated from the family caravan and headed up here to the north. Then..." he trailed off and stared into the amber beer. "Then I lost her....and opened this bar."
He waved a hand around the bar, and sighed. Silence fell on the three, as Trey grabbed their glasses "You boys need some more?" Kandre moved to say something, but Rekan cut him off as a massive paw covered his face. "Ve are leaving." He lifted himself from the chair as Kandre crawled out of his. Trey waved and went back to cleaning glasses. "Vat where you thinking?" Rekan said as he shoved his way through crowds of other bears and ferrets. "I was jus' tryin' to get to know 'im!" Rekan spun around, his teeth barred. "Some t'ings are not be talked 'bout." Kandre's ears wobbled in confusion. "What do you mean? Is there something im not seeing?" "You need tah learn tah keep yer mouth shut! There are some secrets, that othahs know, and I dun want to be known!" Rekan roared at Kandre, and walked away leaving Kandre in the middle of the crowd.