ROss Chickenfarmer

Mr. Frooples' great adventure (featuring Oprah WInfrey and Ross, the chicken farmer)

I woke up at about 7 AM in the morning, just another day in my boring life. I got some coffee, and had some suicidal thoughts. That's usual for me. I had just taken up a most generous offer on penis enlargement from an email I received two days ago. I withdrew my excitement and hurried out the door to my car. While on my way to my local penis pump store, I was listening to the usual mix of Linkin Park and Fnaf Songs. Then, after seeing my local gynecologist waiting for his dick to get pumped, I got even more excited.

"Hello", the store clerk shouted, " you must be Mr. Frooples." .

"Oh yes" I said back " I am a long time fan of all of your products" I said with anticipation.

"You say this every bloody time, mate", the clerk said angrily, "just pack it in, cunt".

"Pfft, you're saying this as if I have ears", I shouted, because I had no ears. "Stop talking to me and do your job".

Little did he know of the rock hard surprise I had waiting for him. I grabbed my penis pump and jogged to the car. A half hour of penis pumping later, I was on my computer writing yet another Sonic x Peach fanfic. And then I saw her, staring through my own window. It was my childhood crush, Oprah Winfrey! She caught my eye when I was just finishing up the sex scene with Peach and Sonic. To put it simply, I ended up, in a grand display of power, furiously penis pumping in front of her. And, it wouldn't be a surprise to me that she was there, except I live on the 50th floor.

"Okay Google", I whispered, " How's the weather outside my window?"

Google replied "Sorry, I didn't catch that. Did you say call Oprah Winfrey?"

"Wait no I didn-" but it was too late, the phone started ringing, she picked up."

"Hey guys, wanna join my free giftcard giveaway? Just kidding, if you do that, I'll send another one of these Oprah-bots to assassinate you. This is the mastermind, Ross the chicken farmer, by the way". I was so confused. Was it actually him, or was it some sort of a sick, cruel prank by one of my school bullies?

"If you want to live, you have to answer me this question", he demanded, "Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis?".

I stopped and pondered the question at hand. "Virtual Boy all the way baby." I pumped my penis ten times as hard within that single sentence. My third eye instantly opened and I became woke af, dude.

"The fuck man, that's not an answer! You're disqualified, and since I have no clue what to do, because that's not a right, nor a wrong answer, you'll be a sex slave for the next two days."

"Okay Google", I said, "how do I get out of this one?"

Google replied "I think I know what to do, calling all reinforcements."

In roughly half an hour, (during which me and Ross played Strip Poker) the Bro army tore down the door, while the Brony squad destroyed the roof. Backup was here. The Bro army was sexier than I could've ever imagined. They were buff, had more hair on their bodies than a Furry on testosterone overdose, and were the age of ten.

"Okay Google", they all collectively shouted. "Bring out the big guns".

Google replied "They're on their way." Within seconds, Google activated a chip that was laid inside of my enormous dong. Causing it to glow red and grow a tremendous size. "Give me your cummies daddy protocol activated", Google said, "Bring out the Jake Paulers".

The Jake Paulers had no mercy. They brutally ripped apart every single atom Oprah Winfrey had, while saying "Savage", and dabbing after each move, which made them painfully slow. It took them several hours just to get close to her. (I made coffee for everyone in the meantime, including Oprah Winfrey.)

But then everyone went silent, as everybody and everything was basked in a purple glow. It had come to end this. Google's arch enemy, Yahoo Search.

I was left speechless, yet, I had a goal. With me and my giant red flaming penis. I will put the end to all of this madness, I swung my enormous dong at yahoo with great force. As the great beast fell. Kurt Cobain showed up again to do a sweet noscope on both himself and Yahoo. What a worthy sacrifice that was. (While this was going on I made coffee again).

Then I went to sleep. Upon waking up, I had more suicidal thoughts, but this time they were much more creative. I went to my school's spelling bee and did a Columbine. Also, the Bro Army and Jake Paulers have never actually left my house, and now are keeping my safe from all the fake Oprah Winfreys I might occur in my life. THE END.

PS. The reward from the penis enlargement company was a rock, so I can bash my dick with it.