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I always respected Sam's wish to have kept it to ourselves but Blain wasn't stupid. He could see that something was going on between Sam and me, noticing that the both of us pretended all was well and that we've been a little distant with each other throughout the day. Certainly wasn't how he remembered us to be. And once we were at the lagoon, we started talking and the longer we did, the more serious it became until I've said something that Sam totally misinterpreted. And well, to make it worse, I said something to make her feel as if she was the one to blame. Now of course I was intending to talk to Sam about it but throughout the day, I didn't know how or where to even begin. And I certainly didn't intent on telling her what I've told her that night... Blain didn't know what the hell was going on... He told us that Sam and I had to talk about whatever it was that was bothering us all day. And instead, he acted as a mediator between us. But in order for him to fill in on what was going on, it meant that he had to know the full story between Sam and me so we confessed that we were quite "close" several years ago. The look on his face was priceless though... I know he was eager to hear all the juicy details from us but considering how things went, it wouldn't have been the proper time for that. Sam and I talked things out in front of Blain, cleared any misunderstandings about each other and all was well. And even though things got pretty serious and it was awkward to realize that I've slept with both Blain and Samantha and that the two of them now knew about one another, we were all mature about it. It's a good thing Blain was there that night because I don't wanna know where things might've led to if he wasn't there that evening to mediate. And once we talked about it and all was well, he jokingly said that we had to kiss and make up. Looking at Sam, I knew the two of us were thinking the same thing. So we did, just to see his reaction and laugh at his face for seeing two girls kissing each other right in front of him. But deep down inside, I think he realized how much it meant to me to have been with Sam once we shared our story. He knew how much I cared for her with all the things I've told him about her. Perhaps he always knew. And maybe that's the reason why he tried to get us closer together again. Maybe that one little nudge he gave us was all it took. I knew it certainly helped. I just didn't know what to do next... All I know was that one kiss Sam and I shared together stirred up a lot of feelings within me...

It was very quiet once we got home at around midnight. Simon and Catherine would be asleep at this time so it wasn't any different that Saturday. Once Sam and I got inside, she followed me to the living-room where I flopped down on the couch. Sam followed my example and sat down next to me. Taking my flip-flops off, I rested my feet on the coffee table and kicked back, sinking away in the cushions, closing my eyes. The silence was so mesmerizing. It's probably the reason why I loved staying up at night, just listening to the silence and be at peace. Then again, on nights like those, I was alone... I still felt restless, especially after what happened earlier this evening. I looked at Sam for a moment and when she stared right back at me, Sam wasn't smiling anymore. And I guess she too had no idea what to say or what to do...

'Hey, Sam?'

'Yeah?'

'You know I didn't mean what I said to you, right...?'

'I know. But still...'

'I've come along way since. And I won't let it get a hold over me. I can't let it define my life by that anymore.'

'Heh...'

'I know you feel bad about it but you don't have a reason to feel that way, Sam.'

'What about you? How do you feel about it, especially after everything that happened?'

'You gave me a choice.'

'... And?'

'To have been given a choice means that I'm in control of my actions. It means that no one is telling me what to do.'

'You didn't do it just for me, did you?'

'No... Not just for you...'

'I see.'

'Does it really feel that wrong to you?'

'I don't know... To me, it feels selfish. That I wasn't considerate enough. It's not wrong to have done so but... It feels I took advantage of the fact that you were willing to. To know that you had feelings for me and that you'd do anything for me just adds to the guilt I'm feeling. And after hearing what you've told tonight, it's...'

'I know. But to have been with you reminds me that it wasn't like that anymore. And my feelings for you is what made it so great.'

'But by doing so, I felt that I was giving you false hope. And that it hurt you for thinking that.'

'I wasn't lying when I said nothing was ever meaningless, Sam. But you also told me how you felt about it and you stayed honest with me. Which is why we were able to make it work.'

'I suppose...'

'It's a choice that you and I both made. We could've stopped at any given time but we never did.'

'I know...'

'Was it ever meaningless to you?'

'No, it wasn't but it's just... I mean, I, uhm...'

'It's alright... You don't owe me an explanation, Sam...'

'It was just something I was curious about... And you gave me a way to explore a side of mine of which I wasn't comfortable of doing so with anyone else... And it was great except...'

'Except what...?'

'Somewhere along the way, you and I were no longer on the same line anymore...'

'I couldn't just cast my feelings for you aside, Sam... But I never wanted to, even if I could... Because that's what made it so great...'

'I know... But I just want you to realize where this will all go to if you keep doing this...'

'What do you mean?'

'It's a whole different thing if you'd do this kind of thing for the purpose of self-exploration and discovery and may get a lot in return... But love isn't one of those things, Ceylan... Not in the way you want it to be... And you'll get hurt over and over again...'

'Heh...'

'I just don't want any of that for you...'

'But you wanted to...'

'I did...'

'Then why do you feel so bad about it...?'

'It's about you and your expectation of me having feelings for you at some point for doing so...'

'We stayed honest with each other.'

'And yet you kept doing it...? Even when the feelings weren't mutual?'

'They were, Sam... If only for short moments...'

'How do you know...?'

'Because you wouldn't have slept with me if you didn't feel anything for me... It might not have been much... But there was something between us that made you come back to me again... And that was enough for me to know...'

'To know what?'

'To know that you wanted me as much I wanted you...'

'Heh...'

'You said that I gave you a way to explore a side of yours which you weren't comfortable experiencing it with other girls...'

'Yeah...?'

'So what made me any different...? What made you give in to it...? With me...?'

It stayed quiet for a moment and I could see that Sam was carried away in thoughts... She bit her lip and a blush appeared on her cheek while she smiled nervously... I couldn't help myself to smile when I saw that...

'All these years ago, I was just curious about kissing girls and I wanted to try it... And when we talked about it and you told me that you already did once, you sounded rather indifferent about it...'

'Indifferent...?'

'Yeah, like... You made it sound like it wasn't that much of a big deal and that it was nothing special... But despite that, I still wanted to...'

'Hehehe...'

'The things we've talked about made it sound like you wouldn't judge me for feeling that way... That you would be indifferent about it if we'd share a kiss together... And that's why I asked you...'

'Neither of us were very indifferent about anything we've had...'

'No... No, we were not... But that only made me want more...'

'So what has changed...? What's stopping us from trying to get back...?'

'It's not so much about what's stopping us from doing so, Ceylan... I just can't do this if we're not on the same line anymore...'

'But what makes you say we're not on the same line anymore?'

'Because of your feelings for me that aren't mutual... Because it makes me feel I'm hurting your feelings if I'd do this again... You knew my feelings for you weren't mutual yet we kept doing it... So why did you let me when you knew it wouldn't be anything more than that...?'

'I know you study psychology and all but, really... You're over-analyzing it...'

'No, Ceylan... I've seen that you've been hurt by this but you always pretended to be fine...'

'If you saw that I was, then why did you still wanted me to...?'

'Because it's not until now that I see what it did to you...! How much it hurt your feelings and yet you did...! I've known you for so long yet there are so many things I don't understand about you...'

'What's there to understand, Sam...?'

'You make it sound like you don't have a say in any of this and that you only did this for me... That's what makes me feel so bad about it... That's why it was wrong of me to have used you like this...'

'I didn't mean it when I said that, Sam...'

'No but it shed a whole new light on things for me... And I just can't shake off this feeling that there's more to it then you let me in on...'

To her, it was always just a way to explore a different side that Sam was curious about. And that's all there ever was to it. As for me, well... I never quite understood why I ever slept with someone. And just like Sam, I too was now questioning if I did so for the wrong reasons. It used to be so difficult for me to be intimate with someone. I used to look at my body in the mirror and was despised and ashamed by what I saw. The idea alone of having sex with someone used to make me nauseous. So how come I ended up doing the exact same thing that caused most issues in the first place? I never had a clear answer to that. And perhaps I still don't have one. But maybe it's because I was able to see the difference. I've had quite a few bad experiences but nothing fucked up me more than the night I got, well... Heh... After all these years, I still can't manage to say it out loud... It's the reason why I practically lost my mind and had more sleepless nights than I already had... It caused me to socially isolate myself and to have kept people at a distance... I often cried myself to sleep and often thought suicide... I felt depressed and lonely and felt that nothing would matter... I felt betrayed by those I trusted and it seemed like no one or nothing could ever fix me... So what made me give in to something that was the cause of so much anger and so much heartfelt grief...? It had me conflicted... Because no one has ever asked me that before...

'You said that it's not a healthy mindset to have. But what exactly IS a healthy mindset about these kind of things, Sam? I got reminded that not everyone thinks the same about it as I do and it often led to misunderstandings while I never understood why. Some said that it's not normal and that it's not supposed to be that way but no one was ever able to tell me how it actually should be. And if they could, I wasn't able to understand.'

'You get to find that out for yourself.'

'Exactly... And this is my way of finding out, even when others may tell me that's it not the right way. It might not be the right way for them but it is the only way for me... It's the only way I've ever known...'

'I see.'

'You see... Even though she was out of the picture, it didn't just stop all of a sudden. All the things she ever said and all the things I had to do always stayed with me. While I knew it wasn't the way it's supposed to be, I tried to look for it. But I never had to before. It was always "there" and all of a sudden, it wasn't. And I was at a loss...'

'Heh...'

'I know I'm a difficult person to be around with and that I can be quite needy, which didn't always go so well with others. But that's just me trying to find whatever it is I need in the only way I've ever known. The thing is... I have to know what I need before I can commit myself to someone. But that's also the reason why my relationships never worked out, simply because others couldn't cope with it...'

'Have you ever found it in someone?'

'I have, yes... With you and Blain.'

'Did Blain ever asked you why you wanted this with him?'

'Yes, he did. Blain didn't want to at first, feeling like he'd take advantage of the situation. Taking advantage of me, just like how you feel.'

'I see...'

'And I should've asked him the same question that I want to ask you now. And I'd like you to answer that question truthfully...'

'Which is?'

'Did I ever gave you the impression that I was being used by you?'

'Uhm...'

'Was there anything I ever said or have done anything to make you feel this way?'

'... No. No, you didn't. But it all changed and...'

'Things haven't changed, Sam... We're just simply asking more questions now.'

'Heh...'

'It's just... I always hoped that our friendship wouldn't revolve around it. That I still meant something to you as a friend and not just some sex-toy to experiment on and to be cast away when it's not needed. But I was afraid that you'd come to see me like that at somepoint.'

'I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression. I never meant to...'

'No, that's the thing... You never did...'

'Did you ever regret to have done so?'

'Never.'

'Heh...'

'Do you...?'

'No... But things seemed a whole lot more easier back when we weren't questioning the things we've had.'

'So why question it now? After all this time?'

'I'm not sure...'

'We don't regret doing so. But even if we did, we're not able to change that. All we have left are the memories of how things once used to be. And it used to be great...'

'Do you miss it?'

'I do, yes. More than anything...'

'I've fooled around with my roommate but nothing was ever anywhere close to the way you and I have been... It never felt like we were just fooling around... It was rather playful at first but... It became so much more than that...'

'Yeah...'

'I'll never cherish feelings for women the way that you do, Ceylan. I wish things could've been more than that to give in to your needs but I simply can't change the way I feel about it. And right now, I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to feel. It was much more than that, which felt so wonderful but the next morning, it just wasn't there anymore, no matter how hard I tried. And it felt contradicting every time, knowing that I was giving off the wrong signals to you by doing so. I know you wanted so much more from me than that but it's just...'

'You wouldn't have gone through with it if it didn't felt right to you. And that's all that matters to me.'

'But what about you?? You keep saying things to make me feel better about it but how did you feel, knowing that we'd never be anything more than that and still go through with it??'

'You just gave in to something you felt the need to and I can't blame you for that. And I do wish we could've been more than just friends. But the nights we've spend together gave me something that I'll never have with you. And that's exactly what made it so special.'

'Heh...'

'Each night that we have slept together, the feelings were mutual, if only for a short time. It reminded me of what it should be about and how it's supposed to be. And it's alright if you don't have romantic desires towards me. Because I can express them to you and get so much in return. You made it feel like you were in love with me. And that's all I ever wanted from you.'

'Even if it's just for one night, every time I felt the need to?'

'It gave me more than anyone ever could.'

'It's so confusing...'

'I know... It's okay, Sam... It's alright, I understand... But don't feel bad about it. Instead, cherish those nights we've spend together, just like I do. Regardless of how you feel about it now, I would still like to give you the same choice that you gave me once. Things won't change either way, whatever you may choose. But know that I'll be here for you... In every way imaginable...'

I looked at Sam and gently nudged her chin up to make her face me. She always had mixed feelings about this. But no matter what we did, it was never enough for her. Sam always came back to me for more. She often told me that she thought of the nights we've spent together and how that made her feel. The way she looked at me told me that she still wanted to give in but her doubts prevented her from doing so. And I still wasn't so sure what caused her doubts. Maybe she was just nervous about giving in after being away for so long. Maybe things would feel different after all this time. But still... The moment she smiled at me reassured me that everything was alright between us and that was the most important thing to me. I caressed her hair and she closed her eyes for a moment, sighing quietly and resting her head on my shoulder, yawning a couple of times...

'Are you tired?'

'A little... I've been up since four o'clock this morning...'

'It's been a long day for you...'

'Yeah...'

'Maybe we should go to bed then.'

'Hm-mm...'

'Listen, uhm... You can take my room if you'd like to and sleep in my bed tonight if you're not comfortable sharing a room together...'

'What about you?'

'I'll sleep here on the couch...'

'I don't wanna kick you out of your own room...'

'No but I can imagine that you'd-'

'It's alright, Ceylan... There's nothing wrong with sharing a room together...'

'If you say so... Right, so, uhm... You go ahead, I'll lock things downstairs and I'll be up in a minute...'

'Sure thing...'

The two of us got up from the couch and I went on ahead to lock the door while Sam quietly made her way upstairs. Once I locked the door and turned around, I saw Sam standing at the top of the stairs looking down on me with a smile before heading to my room. Things used to be so much different between Sam and me but the distance between never felt greater than the night she stayed over after such a long time... And I didn't even know why... She was so close yet so far away... I sighed quietly and went on to check everything downstairs. Once I turned off the lights in the living-room, I too quietly went up the stairs to my room...

I saw Samantha sitting on my bed, checking her phone the moment I got in my room. She already got dressed for bed the moment I arrived, with nothing but a spaghetti top and low cut shorts. Sam was looking at some framed pictures of Blain, Sam and me on my desk. I stood there for a moment, watching her until she faced me and smiled. Then she stared back at a particular picture-frame standing on my nightstand the moment I sat down next to her.

'Can't believe you've kept that one...'

'Of course I did...'

'God, I look so derpy... How can you wake up to this face every morning...?'

'Hehehe... Look at Blain with that goofy smile of his...'

'Yeah... How come every picture we take always ends up like this...?'

'Where's the fun in having normal pictures...?'

'I'd like to show my kids a picture of me one day without them questioning if their mom was completely insane during her teen years...'

'All the more reason to enjoy everything we have while we can... Life goes by faster than you think...'

'I suppose that's true...'

'I'm gonna take a quick shower and get ready for bed... If you need anything, just let me know, alright...?'

'Sure thing...'

I got up from my bed and went towards my wardrobe, looking for some clean panties. After which, I made my way towards the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I took my top and jeans off and tossed my panties in the laundry basket next to the bathtub. Standing there in the nude, I turned the shower on and waited for a couple of moments for it to turn hot... And once I stepped in the bathtub, I stood there looking at myself in the mirror above the sink. And for a moment, it felt as if I was taken back in time, like I could see myself standing there... The memory of Sam standing behind me while we waited for the shower to turn warm rushed by... It seemed like it was only yesterday that she stood behind me, with her head resting on my shoulders and running her hands down my body, just to satisfy her own curiosity... The tips of her fingers gently circling over my nipples and giggling quietly when she saw my face in the reflection in the mirror... Her hands massaging my breasts ever so gentle, slowly going down to my waist... Somehow she always knew how to touch me in a way I found most satisfying... Sam could be quite the tease whenever she felt like doing so. She whispered in my ear that I have an amazing ass the moment her hands firmly clenched on my butt-cheeks and gave it a little squeeze... Sam bit my neck gently while her hands moved between my thighs and caressed them with her fingertips... I just couldn't move whenever she did that... All I could do was to close my eyes and let her work her magic... Imagine my surprise when she stopped all of a sudden... Turning around, I saw Sam stepping in the bathtub looking back at me and giving me a bit of a cheeky smile... She took my hand and helped me getting in the bathtub, gently pushing me back against the wall... Sam soaped me up all over my body with shower gel and not a spot was left untouched... She rinsed me off with the shower head and paid extra attention when her hand went down between my legs again... I felt how her fingers were gently prodding me, going a little deeper inside me every time... I lifted my leg up on the edge of the bathtub to make more room for her and her fingers slid right in... Her thumb gently circulating my clitoris... Clenching on her back and resting my head on her shoulders, I closed my eyes and heard my quiet moans of pleasure echoing throughout the bathroom... Things got more intense the moment she got down on her knees and started to kiss me down there... First my thighs... And then a long, gentle lick up, deliberately missing the sweet spot... She knew exactly what she was doing to me... But after a while, I just couldn't stand the teasing anymore. So I grabbed the back of her head and guided her... She was so good... Getting my pussy licked like that never felt so amazing and Sam just didn't stop until I reached my climax...

All of a sudden, I got snapped out of it and I was back in the present. Sam wasn't with me in the bathroom that night... When I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized that it might not be that way ever again... I just had no idea how to make it work... And even if I did, it didn't necessarily meant that she wanted the same as well... But how can anyone forget the intimate moments shared together...? How could she be so distant with me after everything we had...? How was I able to tell her that it was okay for her to do so...? I didn't want to do anything that might've made her feel uncomfortable so I stayed my distance as well... But the distance only grew instead... The memories I have of Sam is something I'll always cherish... But those are just memories to be remembered... What I wanted was to relive them and make new ones... I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed quietly... It used to make me feel so joyous and content but at that moment, it didn't do me much... I just felt empty the moment I cleaned myself and closed my eyes as I let the hot water run over my body as countless of other memories of Sam rushed by... But the more I remembered, the more miserable I started to feel... And at some point, I snapped out of it and turned off the shower... After I quickly dried myself off, I put on my panties and bathrobe and made my way back to my room...

I wasn't gone for very long... Fifteen to twenty minutes tops... But Sam was still sitting on my bed by the time I came back, staring into blank space, carried away in deep thoughts... The moment I entered my room, she looked up to me but quickly averted her eyes... She wasn't smiling anymore... I sighed quietly and sat down next to her on my bed again... I suppose we both didn't want the distance we felt between each other... And now that we had some time alone to reflect on it, it seemed as if we finally realized just how far we drifted apart from each other... It hit me pretty hard when I was taking my shower... And from the looks of it, Sam was feeling the same...

'You alright, Ceylan...?'

'No...'

'You really miss it, don't you...?'

'Not it... Us...'

'Heh...'

'Don't you...? I mean... After all the things we've had...?'

'It makes you feel miserable...'

'Yes...'

'Why...?'

'Because you made me feel whole in a time where I felt broken...'

'To feel whole...?'

'I know it didn't meant anything else to you but... It gave me something to cling on to... Something worth to cherish... Something to be happy about...'

'What about Blain...?'

'What about him...?'

'What does he contribute in all of this...?'

'Everything... I feel the need to be with the two of you... I need him just as much as I need you... As friends... As lovers... As mates... But I can't make a choice I'm not willing to make, Sam...'

'What choice...?'

'To choose between either of you... I just can't do it... And I'm afraid that I'll lose either one of you if I'm willing to make that choice... So I won't...'

'What if I'd make that choice for you...?'

'Then I hope things won't change between us, regardless of your decision...'

'I feel that it has changed already...'

'And I feel that I'm losing you, Sam... I just can't do this...'

'Do what...?'

'To pretend that nothing ever happened... I tried but I just can't... I don't want us to distance from each other because of it... It's just not worth it...'

'No, it's not...'

'And I don't know what I'd do without you...'

'You still want this...? Us...?'

'I can't expect you to... It would be selfish of me if I did... Which is why I give you the same choice you gave me once... But I can't help to feel that you're not completely honest with me...'

'What makes you say that...?'

'Because all this time, you've been avoiding the one question I need an answer to...'

'You know how I feel about it...'

'But you're not telling me everything either...'

Sam sighed quietly and stared down for a moment, carefully choosing her next words... We've been talking throughout the evening but I felt that we hardly got anywhere...

'Look, Ceylan... This not about whether it's right or wrong to do so... It's about you and the way you feel about me... You've always put me on a pedestal, saying how great and amazing I am and how much you love me and I'm not comfortable with that when the feelings aren't mutual... You expect me to do the same in return but how can I if the feelings aren't mutual...?'

'I know...'

'What we had wasn't love the way you meant it to be... And I'm afraid that one day, you'll hold this against me, for not having mutual feelings...'

'Is that what you really think...?'

'Yes, because earlier tonight, you said I used you...'

'I told you, I-I didn't mean that...'

'No, but you wouldn't have said that if we were on the same line...'

'I just... I always thought we compensated each other...'

'What do you mean by that...?'

'You wanted sex... I wanted a bit more than that... We both gave each other what we wanted because we knew what we needed... So how can you say that we weren't on the same line anymore if we knew exactly what to expect...?'

'It really gets to you, doesn't it...?'

'It does because I don't understand why you feel this way... The thing is... You make it sound like I never wanted to have sex with you, like I could never enjoy it... That I only slept with you to get a cuddle and a kiss in return... But that's not true... It's not like that, it never was anything like that... You let me do something of which I felt the need to express to you... It just grew out to be a lot more than I could ever hope for...'

'Intimacy...'

'Yes... And you gave in to that as well... You were just as passionate about it as I was... If only for one night... And that's all I ever longed for...'

'And that was enough for you...? Just one night...?'

'It never stayed with one night...'

'True...'

'I always kept giving in because of the way it made me feel... How you made me feel every night we've spend together...'

'You'd still do this...? I mean, you'd still want this...?'

'I want things back the way they used to be between us...'

'Hm...'

'I know that we cannot last forever, Sam... At some point in your life, you and Blain will fall in love with someone and all of it will end when you commit yourself to that person... I'd have to make way for someone for you to share your life with and who'd love you from the bottom of his heart... Maybe even more so than I do... But until that day comes, I want to share my life with you and Blain to fill an empty void that no one else can fill...'

'It ends when that day ever comes, just like that...?'

'I wouldn't stand in the way, regardless of how I would feel about it... I'd owe you that much...'

'Sounds to me like you'd only get hurt again...'

'Not as much when you and I were never to share a night together again...'

It stayed quiet again for a long time when Sam averted her eyes from mine and stared down in blank space... But the longer it stayed quiet, the more I got restless again... The silence was killing me... I wanted her to say something, anything, just to reassure me... But Sam kept her silence while she was carried away in thoughts... And it seemed like an eternity... At some point, she quietly stood up, grabbed her toothbrush from her toilette bag and made her way to the bathroom while I watched her leave without looking back... And at that moment, I realized I fucked up with all the sentimental bullshit I felt the need to share... At that moment, I felt that all was lost... I closed my eyes and sighed quietly, wiping the tears from my face...

Normally, it doesn't take long for someone to brush their teeth... But she stayed there in the bathroom for more than half an hour... And all this time, I waited anxiously for her to return in the hope that we could talk some more... But as time passed by, I started losing hope... After all, what more can be said than what has already been told...? I just couldn't read her... It's like that high school crush you pine after but never truly knew how she ever felt about you... It's like sending Valentine's Day cards to the one girl you're madly in love with but never received one in return... All sorts of crazy ideas went by about what would happen if I'd lose Sam... I've had those before but it never came this close... One of my biggest fears was to lose her and I slowly saw it becoming real... The worst thing of all was that I felt that I couldn't do anything to save it... Perhaps it was stupid of me to think that Sam and I would ever be together again... And only one question was going through my mind..."What did I do wrong...?"

I kept staring at myself in the mirror while I tried to figure out the answer to that question... I didn't understand why it had to be so complicated and why I questioned so many things... I wanted people to love me yet I asked myself what their motives would be and if they did for the wrong reasons... But what makes it a wrong reason...? And more importantly, why...? I just didn't see it the way Sam or anyone else sees it... I stood up from my bed and walked to the mirror where I took a good long look at myself... And at that very moment, it made me question if I wasn't wrong all along for thinking the way I do... Perhaps I really was... But if so, what would make me right...? Would it be right if it changed everything I ever knew about myself...? Wouldn't that only add more questions than I already had that no one could answer but me...? The thought of just trying to answer any of them would drive me insane... I'm not who people think I should be... I should be whoever I think I need to be... It's a question I often asked myself... But staring at myself up-close in the mirror didn't gave me an answer... And that's exactly how it's always been...

All of a sudden, I felt a hand got placed on my arm and when I looked to my right, I saw Sam standing there, looking rather worried at me... I scraped my throat and averted my eyes from her by looking down but Sam gently nudged my chin up and wiped the tears from my eyes...

'Don't cry...'

'I don't want this, Sam... '

'I never knew how much it really meant to you...'

'Now you know...'

'And you were right...'

'About what...?'

'That we were still on the same line when we knew what we could expect from each other...'

'Heh...'

'But the thing is... What makes it so difficult for me is that I don't know how this will play out in the end... Like you said, we'll all go our separate ways at some point and find someone we want to be with... And I hope you won't hold that against me if that day ever comes...'

'That's what you're afraid of...?'

'Yes... I often think back of how things used to be between us... But to me, every night was just an experience while it was so much more to you...'

'That's what made it so great...'

'Yeah... But that's also the one thing that makes me feel uncomfortable...'

'In what way...?'

'I liked it... I mean, I liked how passionate you were in everything you did and how much you cared for me... I appreciated you asking me whether or not it was okay before you did something...'

'I was afraid that I might've done something you weren't comfortable with...'

'You went through great lengths to make every experience enjoyable for me... And you gave me what I truly wanted to experience... It just makes me wonder if I ever managed to live up to your expectations...'

'I had none... Because I knew the one thing I hoped for would never be realized...'

'You mean my feelings for you to be mutual...?'

'Yes... I always hoped that there would be more to us... But I never expected you to... Having sex with each other was special for us... And even though the reasons why differed, it was still special nonetheless... Because I could express my feelings for you in ways I couldn't otherwise... And that's what I cherish... That's what I long for...'

'Was I ever considerate enough about your feelings...? I mean, have I ever done anything to have hurt you...?'

'No... You've always been honest about it... And I knew what to expect...'

'Hm... Was I ever any good at it...?'

'I taught you everything, didn't I...?'

'Hehehe... I guess that means yes...'

'I loved it...'

'Do you remember you stayed over at my house for the night after we came home from the school dance...?'

'That was the last night we've spent together before you moved away...'

'Yeah... Remember how we said that we'd make the best of it while it would last...?'

'Hehehe... Absolutely...'

'Did you faked it...?'

'What...? No, of course not... Why...?'

'It seemed kind of... I don't know... "Staged"...'

'That wasn't faked, no... I wouldn't call getting your head squeezed between my thighs, nearly choking you while I was squirming all over the place after an earth shattering orgasm "staged"...'

'Was I that good...?'

'Hm-mm...'

'Sooooo you never faked it with me...?'

'I might have the first few times... But that wasn't necessary for much longer...'

'Hehe...'

'And I miss that... I miss everything about it that made our nights so great...'

'Me too...'

An uneasy silence filled the room while we were standing there... Every now and then, Sam faced me and smiled nervously only to avert her eyes again... And me? Well, I was just as nervous and felt uneasy as she was... Neither of us would catch any sleep when there's still so much on your mind to share... But at that very moment, I was wondering if there was anything left to talk about... We kept beating around the bush to avoid the one question that mattered to us the most... I think we both had to know from each other if we still wanted to have sex together... But I also think that deep down inside, both me and Sam were afraid of the answer we might give each other if that question was ever asked... I wanted to but I couldn't tell if Samantha wanted that as well... What if she said no...? And I can imagine that Samantha would feel the same... What if I said no to her...? We didn't dare to ask because of the answers we might give... Which is why that question was never asked... And so, we just stood there for a long time, not saying anything... Every now and then, I caressed her hair and every time she looked at me, I could tell that she was nervous... But so was I...

'Ceylan...?'

'Yes...?'

'If we'd do this, I need you to know that we can't be anything more than what we already are... I can't love you back the way you want me to... And I can't develop any feelings for you... It's not that I don't want to but it's just not there for me, no matter how hard I try... There never was and there never will be... I simply feel different about it than you do...'

'I know...'

'Then I also hope that you know that I don't want things to change between us regardless of how it turns out... I can't say what the future might bring... And I hope that you realize that one day, we'll have to commit ourselves to someone we love dearly and all this will have to end...'

'Just like that...'

'Yes... Just like that...'

'Heh...'

'What we had wasn't fake, Ceylan... But it wasn't real either...'

'What was it then...?'

'Just two friends exploring each other and sharing those wonderful experiences... I know you still want this... And so do I... But I can't go through with it if we're not on the same line on this together... Not when there's a chance I'd be hurting your feelings for doing so...'

'I'll always have feelings for you, Sam... And that's something I can't change...'

'I know... '

'I wanted it to have meaning for the both of us, regardless of how different its meaning for us might've been...'

'I just can't answer your intimacy the way you want me to...'

'But it was enough for me...'

'Hm...'

'And every time, it was a little secret we shared together that no one else knew...'

'Except Blain knows now... I can't believe he hasn't figured it out sooner...'

'Well, he always had his hunches but he never had any confirmation...'

'And now he has visual confirmation...'

'Hehehe...'

'He definitely didn't expect us to... Especially not right in front of him...'

'Hm... Have you seen the look on his face...?'

'Priceless... Still... I really enjoyed that kiss...'

'So did I...'

Sam took my hands and I could tell she was oh so nervous... And while I was staring in her eyes, I could feel my heart pounding in my throat... I wish I could say I could've kept my cool so that I wouldn't make an ass of myself but I too was very nervous... Especially when she moved her head closer to mine... And when I felt her lips pressing against mine, I just froze up, as if my brain was short-circuiting... I didn't expect her to... "Kiss her back, you idiot!" It took a moment for me to recover while Sam was smiling at my reaction... But once I was, I wrapped my arms over her shoulders and kissed her... That nervous feeling didn't disappear while we were kissing... Instead, it only seemed to get worse... Perhaps everything went a little too fast for me... I certainly wasn't expecting anything like that, with the talk we've had that evening... But it was so wonderful... I could just feel myself drifting away... But the kiss didn't last very long... And when I opened my eyes, I looked at Sam who had that nervous smile on her face again... She placed her hands on my waist and kept staring in my eyes...

'You once told me that it's about the person you're together with that makes all the difference...'

'Do you believe that...?'

'I'm starting to...'

'Why now...?'

'Because I forgot what I received in return for giving in to it... Things that not even David could give me... And it's not until now that I remember what's been lost...'

'I see...'

'Nothing was ever quite like it...'

All of a sudden, she made me turn around and face the mirror... Her hands went from my waist to both ends of the sash of my bathrobe... I saw in the mirror my bathrobe loosening up while she slowly pulled... With one last gentle tuck, she managed to untie it... I wasn't wearing a bra underneath... And even though my bathrobe was still draped over my breasts and covered them, I couldn't help to feel uneasy... But the moment she was busy taking off my bathrobe, I just froze in place... A nervous feeling was crawling up my throat and my heart was pounding in my chest as I stood there, unable to move... Her hands made their way to my shoulders and held on to the sleeves of my bathrobe, gently pulling them down... It fell on the ground while her fingertips gently caressed my back... I didn't know why I felt so uneasy, standing there half naked... Seeing myself in the mirror like that was quite confronting, with Sam standing right behind me... It's because the things she told me while I stood there that evening contradicted everything the way I saw myself...

'I've always loved seeing your bare back... Those stripes are just so beautiful...'

'Hm...'

'A strong back... A gorgeous hourglass figure... Stunning legs... They're quite muscled yet long and slim...'

'Not to mention large feet, small breasts and way too tall for the average person...'

'You don't like that about yourself...?'

'No...'

'Well, I do... I always have...'

'Really...?'

'Hm-mm... Seeing you like this puts everything in a whole new perspective... And right now, it feels as if I'm seeing you this way for the very first time again...'

'Heh...'

'Are you okay...?'

'Y-Yeah, yeah, I'm just, uhm...'

At that moment, Sam made me turn around again and placed her hands on my waist while she took a good look at my breasts... It wouldn't have been the first time she admired me like that... But I usually felt a whole lot more confident about it... I used to be the one who did the seducing... The one who took her doubts away... But it felt like it was the other way around now... My heart was pounding in my chest while she caressed my stomach with the tips of her fingers... As enjoyable as it was, that uneasy feeling crawling up my throat wasn't eased... And she could see that... She took her top off and dropped it on the floor while I kept staring at those firm puppies of hers... I've always envied her breasts... She didn't mind whenever I was gawping at them like an idiot... In fact, she loved showing them off to me... I suppose she enjoyed seeing my reaction to them...

'You like 'em...?'

'I still wish I had those...'

Looking to my left, I saw our reflections standing sideways in the mirror and it really showed how small my breasts were to hers in comparison... I once saw that she's a 38C on the tag on one of her bra's... But despite the way I felt about my own breasts, she always admired them just as much as I did hers... When Sam turned towards the mirror, she gently squeezed her breasts together...

'Can you imagine the look on Blain's face if he saw us like this...'

'You're okay with that...?'

'With what...?'

'That I'm also seeing him...?'

'As long as it makes you happy...'

'But what do you think of me for doing so...?'

'I'm not in the position to judge you for it, Ceylan... I've done the same thing yet you never judged me for it... So I won't either...'

'I see...'

'It's not uncommon if that's what you're asking... I mean, I can imagine that you feel the need to, being attracted to both male and females... But I can't speak for you... I know he cares a lot about you... And I know he treats you well...'

'Heh...'

'That's all that matters to me... The rest is up to you to fill in...'

I nodded quietly and kept staring in the mirror to my left for a moment until Sam held my hands and placed them on her waist while she got closer to me... Even though she tried not to show it, I could tell that she was very nervous... She placed her arms around my shoulder and leaned in for another kiss... When our lips were pressed against each other, I closed my eyes for a moment and let it all come over me... Sam was blushing and bit her lip when she faced me after that but then stared down at my breasts again... It wasn't until then when the uneasy feeling started to crawl away... Being half naked in front of her didn't seem that much of a big deal anymore, especially with the way she was looking at me... My hands reached the back of her head and I think she expected another kiss... But instead, I removed her hair-band that kept her long golden blond hair in a ponytail... Her hair draped down and reached her shoulder blades as she kept staring at me... She had such lovely hair and I never understood why she always had it in a ponytail... Samantha is absolutely gorgeous with her hair tousled up like that... But I suppose it's easier to maintain a ponytail... I placed my hands on her waist and rested my head on her shoulders... The scent of her hair was intoxicating due to the shampoo she always used, which smelled of cherry-blossom and rose petals... And while we stood there, I could feel her hands slowly going up to my breasts, giving them a gentle massage... And the moment she did, I could her sighing quietly... Her breathing became faster the moment she held my breasts... And with the tips of her thumbs, she gently caressed my nipples... The butterflies in my stomach started to spread all over my body and everything felt so much more intense... At some point, my hands reached down to her firm butt-cheeks and gave them a gentle squeeze... She always loved it whenever I did that... And I suppose that hasn't changed... I could hear her giggling quietly when I did... But nevertheless, that didn't stop her... My nipples became hard from all the rubbing she did... Every once in a while, she gave them a gentle twist which only made them more sensitive... The sexual tension between us became unbearable after we kissed another couple of times... And then she quietly whispered in my ear...

'I still feel that I never was considerate enough...'

'How so...?'

'I hardly ever asked you what you wanted from me... And if you actually liked what I was doing to you...'

'Didn't it showed...?'

'Not always...'

'Hm...'

'So perhaps I should ask you now, if we're doing this again...'

'Ask me what...?'

'What would you like me to do...?'

'Anything you want...'

'That's not what I'm asking...'

'Heh...'

'It's okay... Just tell me...'

'I want you to touch me...'

'Where...?'

'Between my legs...'

And just like that, her hands moved down and gently started to caress my inner thighs... I never told anyone what to do to me... I always had to ask... Blain did that because he was afraid he might've done something I wasn't comfortable with so I asked him to do something instead... But Sam was a whole different story... All I had to do was to tell her what she had to do... And she did without hesitation... I never imagined the possibility of telling someone what to do and how to do it... I trusted her enough to have her way with me in the direction I pointed out to her... And it was wonderful... It felt like a whole bunch of weights were lifted off my shoulders, just to surrender and give in... Sam was ever so gentle when she caressed my inner thighs with the tips of her fingers... I never thought I could enjoy being teased like that... I could feel my pussy pulsating and felt how my whole body becoming more sensitive as my arousal grew... But the moment her hand reached my vagina, those feelings spread out all over my body... A pulsating tingle that felt so intense with every gentle rub she gave me... Rubbing her hand up and down slowly over the fabric of my panties, her thumb trying to find my clitoris... I felt like I was losing control of my own body and it's the greatest way of being pleasured... There was a certain satisfaction in her eyes every time I looked at her... And at some point, she guided my hand down between her legs... Her pussy was so warm when I touched it... Her panties were already feeling damp but she got wetter as I kept rubbing her... But Sam went a little faster once I started touching her, gasping every time she found my clitoris... Hearing each other breathe louder the longer we stood there with the occasional quiet moan escaping... But after a while, her hands slid down my panties... Gently rubbing up and down again and every once in a while, she prodded me with the tips of her fingers... And then she quietly whispered in my ear again...

'Do you want me to finger you...? Would you like that...?'

'Y-Yes...'

Sam gave a gentle kiss on my cheek and pulled my panties down... And once I got rid of them, she started to rub me between my legs again... There wasn't much room for her to do her thing so I lifted my leg up and rested it on my office chair... Two of her fingers were gently trying to find their way inside me... But once they did, Sam worked her magic... Going in and out slow and getting wetter every time she did... She smiled at my reaction once she also started to rub my clitoris with her thumb again... All these feelings of intense pleasure was pulsating all over my body the moment she also started to kiss me again... It would only get more intense from that point on with the way she fingered me... Every once in a while, she went in and out a little faster and it was as if my breathing was in rhythm with, getting a bit little louder the longer she kept up... I clenched my arms around her for support, resting my head on her shoulders while she quietly whispered in my ear...

'Is that how you like it...?'

'Y-Yes... T-This feels so good, Sam...'

'I know, baby... This is how you taught me...'

'H-Hah...!'

'Sssh... Just relax...'

'I want you to make me cum, Sam... M-Make me cum...'

'We'll get to that... No need to rush...'

Every time Sam fingered me faster, I felt I was about to reach my climax any second... But the thing is, I also taught her to recognize the signs of a woman who's about to cum... Things like curling toes, shorts gasps and breathing, muscle contraction and the list goes on... I wasn't quite there yet but she slowed down before I ever reached one... I suppose she wasn't quite finished with me just yet... But getting there feels so amazing... There was so much pleasure going on inside of me... She fingered me slowly for another while until I started to get a cramp in my foot that stood on my office chair... I took my leg down while Sam removed her hand and I stretched my foot in order to try to get rid of the cramp I was feeling...

'What's wrong...?'

'I've got a cramp...'

'Where...?'

'My foot...'

Just fucking typical to let something like that ruin it... I sat down on the mattress where Sam was suppose to sleep on and stretched my foot again... Sam sat down on the other end of the mattress and held my foot with both her hands... It's ridiculous how large my foot was in comparison with her hands... But that's what you get with my size fourteen canoes... Nevertheless, she firmly started to massage my foot...

'Where does it hurt...?'

'At the ball of my foot, just below the pad...'

'Here...?'

'A little higher... Yeah, right there...'

'You're not ticklish...?'

'Nope...'

'I'd go crazy if someone were to touch my feet...'

'Hm... You know, I'm actually quite enjoying this...'

'Is the pain gone...?'

'Nope...'

'God, your feet are huge...'

'I know, right...? But I suppose some like 'em...'

'Who...?'

'People with a thing for feet...'

'A foot thing...??'

'Yup...'

'I honestly don't know what's supposed to be sexy about feet...'

'Me neither but it's great when someone does know...'

'What's so great about it...?'

'Foot rubs for example...'

'Uh-huh...'

'Getting your toes sucked... Your soles licked... It's actually quite stimulating...'

'You got your toes sucked...??'

'Terry had this thing for my feet when we were together two years ago...'

'Haha, really...??'

'Yup... I think he loved my feet more than he did me...'

'What was that like, getting your toes sucked...?'

'It's awesome... Very sensitive... Really turned me on whenever he did... No one else I know seems to share the same interest unfortunately...'

'Has Terry ever told you what he liked so much about them...?'

'Ha, all the time...'

'Like what...?'

'Soft pads rubbing his dick... High arches to jerk him off with... Splayed toes to tickle his balls... Soft soles to cum on...'

'... Huh.'

'Does that gross you out...?'

'Kinda...'

'So I didn't spark your interest in actually trying that out on me...?'

'Nope...'

'Not even when it really, really turns me on...?'

'I can't imagine myself licking your toes...'

'Oh well, I tried... One can always hope, I suppose...'

'Hehehe...'

'Perhaps you're willing to lick something else then...'

'Any suggestions...?'

'Be creative...'

I spread my legs as far as I could for her as I leaned back... She took good look at my vagina before touching it again... Once she positioned herself in front of me, her hand rubbed me between my legs again, still wet from being fingered earlier on... She leaned over and started to lick my breasts as I caressed her hair, sharing a kiss with her every once in a while... It didn't take very long for us to get back to it now that the cramp in my foot was gone... Her kisses were slowly going down while her hands massaged my breasts... But instead of just "going for it", she took a detour and started to kiss my thighs instead... A gentle lick downwards but again missing the sweet spot I wanted her to lick so badly... The teasing went on for a little while until she spread my pussy lips apart with her thumbs and had another good look at it while I waited eagerly for her to bury her head between my legs and impersonate a motorboat... She actually did once and it was fucking hilarious but that was back when things were a whole lot less serious and back when I knew how to tell something without digressing... So yeah...

Things were only turned up a notch after that... She never skipped out on eating my pussy so it wasn't any different that Saturday night... She was good at it, she really was... But more importantly, she truly enjoyed doing so... It's one of the things that got her so curious about women in the first place because it was something new and exciting for her to experience... Sam was never shy of trying out new things, except, well, the whole foot thing I wasn't able to convince her off... It was meant as a joke but I secretly hoped that she'd give it a try... But still, even though Sam didn't want to try that out, she was eager to please in other ways... And that really showed... While she was spreading my pussy lips, she licked upwards towards my clitoris... Her tongue rolling over it in every direction... Gently sucking on my clitoris made me gasp for breath every time she did... I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting off, solely focusing on those pleasurable feelings... Every once in a while, I caught myself letting out quiet moans and whenever I looked at Sam, her eyes met mine, again with a certain satisfaction in her gaze... One moment, she moved her tongue rapidly... And when I felt I was about to reach my climax and thought the feelings couldn't get more intense, Sam slid two fingers inside me... I opened my eyes and saw her working her magic, except she was fingering herself too... With her panties half down, her hand was reaching between her legs... Moving my head, I could see her rear-end in the mirror... While she was on her knees eating me out, I saw how her fingers went inside her tight pink slit... She held her tail up high, as if she did that on purpose so that I could see... And once our gaze met again, she looked up for a moment and had a cheeky little smile on her face... She stopped playing with herself and firmly pressed her hand down on my stomach while was fingering me... Making these gentle "come here" motions while while my stomach was pressed down stirred up quite a lot of pleasures inside me... It's a little trick I showed her several years ago... By pressing on my stomach, she brought my G-Spot closer to her fingers and stimulated it with these "come here" motions... Getting your G-Spot stimulated feels as if a cluster bomb is detonated inside you... There's one big explosion of pleasurable feelings, followed by several others on top... That's the kind of feeling you get every time it gets touched.... She started to slowly build up the pressure while I was squirming all over the place, losing control of my body... When her head reached down between my legs again, my arms just automatically reached out to her head to make her eat my pussy again... Licking and sucking my clit as all those feelings were rushing throughout my body... Needless to say, I didn't last very long after that... Reaching my climax never felt so intense and satisfying as it did that night... I lost control over my body and felt every muscle in me contracting rapidly... I rolled around on the mattress twitching in the afterglow with a huge grin on my face while trying to catch my breath again... Sam seemed a little surprised at first to have seen me me twitching around, gasping for air but I suppose seeing that huge grin on my face reassured her all was well... It took a while before I managed to gain back control of my body but I once I did, I was still panting my lungs out... My pussy felt so warm and kept contracting for another while as I closed my eyes... Sam lied down next to me and smiled... I gave her a kiss and put my arm around her, holding close...

'I came...'

'So it seems...'

'My God, that was so awesome...'

'Hehehe...'

'Pfffft... Gimme a sec...'

'I still wanted to ride you but you didn't last that long...'

'Last that long...?? We've been at it for half an hour...'

'We've had longer than that...'

'Hm... I could use a snack, I'm getting a little hungry...'

'Some people smoke or drink after sex, you know...'

'I stuff my face with food after sex... It's tradition, you should know...'

'Don't tell me you have a secret stash somewhere...'

'It's right there, the lower drawer of my nightstand... Small bags of chips... Pass me one, would you...?'

'Haha...! Seriously...?? Which flavor...?'

'Sour cream and union...'

'You're not getting a goodnight kiss from me if you eat those...'

'Duly noted... Pass me one of those salty ones... Pick one yourself if you like...'

So there we were, carrying out a tradition we've had ever since... Eating junk after sex... We'd probably get crumbs stuck in our ass cracks and vagina's but we couldn't really care at that point as long as our bellies were filled with something... Once we finished those bags of chips, I threw them in the direction of my trash bin because I couldn't be bothered getting up... I was way too comfortable with Sam in my arms to stand up... Sam curled up against me and could barely keep her eyes open at that point... Looking at the clock, I noticed it was passed two in the morning... Poor thing has been up for twenty two hours straight... It's been a really day long for her... But what a day it was... I gently caressed her hair while every now and then she faced me...

'What's the plan for tomorrow, Ceylan...?'

'Blain asked us to have breakfast at his place... His parents will be at church then...'

'Oh yeah... What time does he expect us...?'

'Late... Around eleven or something...'

'Good... I'd love to sleep in tomorrow...'

'I figured as much... And well, after that, we'll just see what comes around... We could go to the movies... I know that Letters to Juliet plays in the theaters but that's a chick flick so Blain probably wouldn't like that... I do enjoy those super hero movies too but that's probably not up your alley so we'll just have to find something we could all enjoy... Or we could go to Gainsborough Boulevard and spend the day on the beach... It's going to rain in the morning but the weather should clear up around midday... We could have dinner at this Daijirian restaurant I found a while back with great food, you know? The one I told you about? I'm sure you'll-'

I looked down on Sam when she was no longer responding to what I said... But she was already asleep... I never knew how she could do that... She'd close her eyes for five minutes and fell asleep like that, even if she wasn't exhausted like she was that night... But I never was able to fall asleep that fast... On nights like those, I often just watched her sleep while holding her close... And that's exactly what I did that night... It got kinda cramped with the two of us on that mattress... It looked ridiculous if you stood there and saw the whole thing... My feet were sticking out quite a bit and I tried to get comfortable on the mattress without knocking Sam off... So I placed the blanket right next to the mattress to support the rest of my body and moved over a bit to make more room... Not quite as comfortable as my own bed but it would do... I could've just slept in my own bed but then I wouldn't be able to hold her... I turned off the light on my nightstand and held on to Sam as I kissed her forehead and caressed her hair...

'Goodnight, sweetheart... Sleep well...'

And with that, I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting away, indulging in that wonderful scent of her hair that smelled of cherry-blossom and rose petals... Her soft fur touching mine... Her warm breathe in my neck... This is what I meant when I told her that we compensated each others desires... She didn't know what I meant with that but there's hardly anything to understand... It's simple things like these that make it all worthwhile... It reminded me what love was supposed to be about and what I wanted in someone... It reminded me of how I wanted someone to make me feel... While I knew Sam and I wouldn't last forever, I can't say that I felt sad that night for knowing that it'll end eventually... Everything will end at some point... What matters is what you do with the things that you've been given in the short amount of time that lasts... So like most things, it's best that you make the most of it while you can... And I certainly intended to... I felt happy and content... For the first time in many years, I felt whole again... With no more secrets to withhold and no one to judge me anymore, I felt so free... All the worries I've had were lifted off my shoulders... I felt the butterflies going through my stomach when I saw Sam lying next to me... She's just so absolutely gorgeous... I kept staring at her until I felt my eyelids getting heavier and I wasn't able to hold my eyes open anymore... I held her close and cuddled her until I felt myself drifting away in the most relaxing sleep I've ever had...

I never quite understood why Sam and I ever became anything more... Besides Blain, she's the closest friend I had... We did everything together outside the bedroom... And inside the bedroom, we did pretty much everything as well... We kissed, we cuddled, shared a mutual interest in each other, had awesome sex and loads of fun... What more could you possibly want from each other...? No matter how many times Sam tried to explain it to me, I was never able to understand why we couldn't be more... Things might've been different if she also had feelings for me... I'd probably would've married her by now... But the thing is, her interest in women is only sexual... Feeling a certain lust she felt the need to give in to... That wasn't necessarily a bad thing to me because as you might know by now, I was more than happy to oblige... But she never showed any interest in other women, except for her roommate... Fooling around with her roommate didn't last very long because Sam wasn't all that excited about her... But that night, four years after we've last seen each other in person, she was still interested in me... So what made me so special for her to give in...? I know I shouldn't be asking myself this but it made me wonder... The only thing I could hope for was that I wasn't just there for her to have sex with... That what we were doing would at least carry some meaning one way or another for Sam... That I meant something to her as friend and not to be considered a fuck-toy in the long run... But those thoughts never crossed my mind that night... Not when the long run still seemed so far away...