What Good Am I? Chapter Three

Story by Billy Leigh on SoFurry

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#3 of What Good Am I?

Part three of What Good Am I? Featuring Diego Redfield and Friedrich Van Holling.

These two handsome studs were originally created by ColinLeighton for his novel Identity and short story Nighthawks.


Thinking of Friedrich prompted Diego to recall a long suppressed memory; the first time he came close to having a relationship with another guy that led to a profound feeling of loss.

In high school one August, his best friend Marty Grey had come for a sleepover. Diego had always got a funny sensation in his stomach whenever he looked at the Coywolf, and being the only other mixed-breed in the class with an appearance somewhat similar to a Wolfdog, Diego had always assumed that was how they bonded so quickly, but there was something else lurking beneath the surface, something he couldn't put his paw on. Yet.

Marty was the school's resident athlete, and had an especially muscular build for a canine of his age, which often made Diego wish he had a similar body. He often gazed at Marty from across the classroom or in the locker room after gym class with no idea why he was doing such a thing, and he was sure that he saw the Coywolf glancing back with something close to a smile at times. Where Marty excelled at sport, his academic abilities were let down by him also being the school's most notorious class clown. He played pranks ranging from putting tacks on the teacher's chair to giving joke answers to questions; As I asked you to research for your homework assignment, can anyone name the largest manmade island, it's in Europe?_Mrs McClain had asked in a geography class. _Mrs Sulston when she's laying in the bath_Marty replied. The class had half-chucked, half-gasped. Diego burst of laughing. _No Marty, it's Flevopolder in the Netherlands and you've just earned yourself a detention. Diego had hoped the detention hadn't interfered with Marty coming to stay over, but he waited outside the school gates and wagged his tail as the Coywolf walked out of the door with a satisfied grin on his muzzle. "That was pretty funny," Diego chuckled as they walked to where Marty had parked his car. "Heh, I couldn't resist," the Coywolf replied, as he removed his car keys. Marty drove a flaky Chevrolet Camaro, and although it made a noise like an angry feline having its tail stamped on when it started, Diego envied the car. Someday I'll drive something cool, he thought to himself.

As they drove back to Diego's mothers place, Diego couldn't help but feel somewhat envious of Marty having both sets of parents at home, even though his Wolf father Eric Grey, a retired football player spent all his spare time watching ESPN in the living room while his mother watched the shopping channel in the kitchen. Diego's Wolf father lived in Montana and spent most of his time getting drunk outside a Reservation casino, his Alsatian mother taught at the University of San Diego, and while she was only an adjunctive teacher she buried herself in her work as if her life depended on it to put her messy divorce and custody battles over Diego behind her. It was no surprise when Marty pulled up on the driveway that all the lights of the house were off. The answering machine light was blinking as Diego and Marty stepped through the front door. Klaus, I am working late tonight, Diego's mother explained in her thick German accent. There is some food in the fridge. I will see you later. "Klaus?" Marty asked, raising an eye brow. "My real name," Diego sighed. "I was named after my great grandfather. I named myself Diego after San Diego. I haven't been Klaus since, like middle school." "Oh," Marty replied. "Klaus is kinda cool, but yeah I like Diego." Diego wagged his tail as he searched through the fridge. Despite his mother's claim of there being food, there was nothing he could make a meal out of, apart from two eggs and an almost empty carton of milk. "Pizza it is then!" Marty announced. Diego hesitated, not wanting to make his mother mad, but he knew she kept spare cash in a metal tin in the cupboard next to the fridge, and the mention of pizza made his stomach rumble. "Sounds awesome," he replied, retrieving the box from its "hidden" place.

An hour later, the pair were munching on cheese pizza and flicking through VHS tapes. Diego had been hoping his mother would get a DVD player like everyone else had recently acquired. Only when they invent blank discs so I can record documentaries for my classes was her curt reply the one time he had enquired about buying one. "This looks cool," Marty said, pulling out a movie. Diego read the title; Back to The Future. His mother never purchased new movies, but he had seen this one a few times and enjoyed it. "Let's watch this one," Marty announced, seeming to read Diego's thoughts. "Hey, the main character is called Marty too!" Diego slotted the tape into the player and rewound it back to the start.

The pair sat down and watched as the opening titles appeared on the screen. Diego already knew what to expect, but Marty was captivated by the movie. "Woah, things back then looked really cool, I mean the school dance, the cars, everything," the Coywolf mused. "For sure dude," Diego replied. "So, who are you gonna ask to our_prom?" Marty replied. "Uh," Diego paused. "I guess I'm gonna ask Rowena Stevens." "Pfft, most of the guys in our class have already tried asking her. Hell, she turned _me down too." There was a moment of silence. "Well, I guess if there's no girls left there are plenty of guys to choose from," Diego laughed, but instantly wished he could cram the words back into his muzzle. There was an unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach and he was sure Marty would freak out, but the Coywolf remained silent, in fact Diego thought Marty was mulling something over in his mind. "Suppose two guys could attend as a date?" Marty mused out loud. Diego couldn't believe what he was hearing. Marty Grey, the guy most girls swooned over was talking about two men attending prom together as if it were the most normal thing ever. Diego wasn't sure whether to feel elated or horrified. I can't be gay? he thought to himself, I mean I have a crush on Rowena. "Wouldn't everyone find it weird?" Diego eventually replied. "Yeah, I guess they would," Marty sighed. Diego didn't say anything more, but instead allowed the thoughts and emotions to churn in his mind; Marty must be gay? But gay guys are all girly, Marty is an athlete. Am I gay? I certainly look at Marty like I am and find him good looking, but I like girls too.

The pair sat in silence until the movie came to an end. Diego glanced out of the window, but there was no sign of the headlights belonging to his mother's car making their way up the drive. This was not unusual. His mother sometimes went out for drinks with other members of her faculty, where he knew they would talk about nothing but work and intellectual topics in the hope his mother could secure a promotion to become a full time teacher by impressing her superiors. "Shall we go to bed?" Diego yawned. "Sounds like a good idea," Marty replied. They scampered upstairs and instantly began panting as they made their way into Diego's room which was boiling hot. "Uh, man I feel like I'm gonna melt," Marty sighed as Diego fumbled with the air-conditioning and yanked the window open. "I'll get it cool..." Diego began, but stopped as the Coywolf tugged his shirt off. Diego paused, but pulled his off too and sat beside Marty. They didn't speak, but their paws were almost touching. It was as if all those times looking at Marty in the locker room or classes had led to this very moment. Marty reached out and gently took hold of Diego's paw. Diego instinctively recoiled, but forced himself to relax and allowed Marty to hold him. "Have you ever touched a man before?" Marty asked. Diego shook his head. Marty didn't reply, but instead reached over and stroked Diego's chest. "How does it feel?" "Honestly man? Weird, kinda creepy, but cool, relaxing, natural and nice," "Heh, Mr Thesaurus," Marty chuckled as he gently stroked Diego's chest. "You have a strong body, if you worked out you'd get muscular quickly, I mean you're already handsome now, but I'm picturing you with a buff chest." Diego wasn't sure what to make of Marty's assessment, but he smiled nervously.

Diego sat still to let Marty stroke and touch his arm and chest to get accustomed to the feeling. "Kiss me," the words suddenly blurted out of his muzzle. "Are you sure?" "Yes," Diego whispered. He found himself quivering, but the touch of Marty's paw helped him to relax, and he allowed the Coywolf's tongue to enter his muzzle and stroke the roof of his mouth. "How does that feel?" Marty asked, breaking off the kiss. "Kinda weird, but I like it," Diego replied honestly. Marty smiled and their muzzles met for another kiss. Diego broke off again as he felt the Coywolf's paw press against his crotch. "Do you not like that?" Marty asked. "No, you're good dude, keep doing that," Diego encouraged. They kept kissing as Marty undid the fly on Diego's jeans and gently eased them down. Several inches of cock had emerged from Diego's sheath and the outline was clearly visible against the fabric of his underwear. "I hate to break it to you, but I think you like guys," Marty chuckled as he fondled the outline of Diego's cock. "Speak for yourself dude," Diego managed to joke, before Marty pulled him into another kiss. Now that the strangeness of the situation had mostly subsided, kissing the Coywolf felt natural. Marty broke off, stood and shed his own pants followed by his underwear. Diego had seen guy's cocks before, whether it was in the locker room showers or the occasional nude scene in a movie, but the sight of Marty's veiny, pink cock with pre-cum forming at the tip was something of a shock. Marty seemed to read Diego's apprehensions. "Are you sure you wanna keep going?" he asked. Diego hesitated. "Yeah, yeah I wanna keep going," "Very well." Marty replied. He reached forward and gently eased Diego's underwear off. "Okay, hold still, my fangs are quite sharp," Marty explained.

Diego lay back and closed his eyes. He felt the Coywolf grip his cock around the knot before Marty began jerking him off. Diego moaned and squirmed. The sensation of being stimulated by a paw that wasn't his own felt amazing. Marty's paw seemed to retreat and Diego was about the open his eyes, but he gasped as he felt a new sensation. The Coywolf's tongue lapped against the tip of his cock before he felt Marty slide it inside his muzzle. Diego couldn't help but squirm as Marty worked his way up and down. "Damn, you've done this before," Diego said through gritted teeth. "Keep still!" came Marty's muffled reply. "This is fucking weird, but it feels _so_good," Diego moaned. The Coywolf pulled back, clamped his paw around Diego's fully erect cock and began stimulating him again. Diego knew he wouldn't last much longer. Sure enough, he felt the familiar but wonderful surging sensation he had experienced when masturbating alone, but the feeling of another canine's paw on his dick made it all the more powerful. Diego gasped as his cock shot a steady stream of cum all over his chest. He lay back and panted for several minutes. "How did that feel?" Marty eventually asked. Diego didn't respond, but his tail thumping against the bed spoke volumes. Marty grinned, leant down and kissed Diego on the muzzle.

Diego checked downstairs to ensure his mother had not come home (the house was silent), before gesturing for Marty to follow him to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and climbed inside. Unprompted, Marty followed him under the jet of water. "I'd been glancing at you in the showers a lot," Diego admitted. "I saw ya, and now we can finally shower together," Marty chuckled. Once they felt clean, Diego shut off the water and led Marty back to his room. He knew there was no point in asking the Coywolf if they wanted to share a bed, and he felt his tail involuntarily thump against the mattress as they climbed into bed together. There was a thought weighing on Diego's mind. Go on, just ask him. "Marty, do you think you should we should go to the prom together, kinda like a date?" "Yes, we should. Who cares what everyone thinks," Marty replied with a grin. "Awesome, well, good night," Diego replied as he reached over and turned off the light.

Diego couldn't sleep, but instead he lay awake and grinned. Despite his reservations and nerves earlier that evening, he felt elated. He was still feeling elated the following morning when he awoke and asked the same question again. "Of course I will you silly dog," Marty replied. The response made Diego feel like jumping for joy, and he still wagged his tail excitedly even when Marty had to leave after breakfast to run an errand for his family.

However, Diego never got to attend the prom with Marty. The Coywolf and his family vanished one day. Marty won't be coming back to school one of his teachers answered bluntly when Diego asked what had happened to the Coywolf. A few years later, Diego discovered via a newspaper article that Marty's father had gone on the run from the law over some sort of money laundering scheme and had been eventually caught. About ten years later, Diego used Facebook to find Marty. The Coywolf was now living in Sydney, working as a sports instructor and was married to his Australian boyfriend, a Dingo. Despite what his father had done, Marty seemed happy in all the photos on his profile. Diego's paw hovered over the Add As Friend button, but he stopped himself. His memories of Marty were fond ones, but that chapter of his life felt like a different universe.

Diego meanwhile had lived through a whirlwind of booze, drug trips, gym workout sessions and one night stands by picking up girls and guys in bars (later using dating apps). Although his mind wondered back to Marty on occasion, Diego had Friedrich now so he didn't worry so much about past encounters.

Friedrich...

Diego glanced out of the windows of his Mercedes. The sun had fully set and darkness now surrounded the car. The moon was half-peering out from behind a cloud, casting irregular shadows on the ground. The dashboard clock stated it was 10pm. Did he dare venture back home? That was the say if it was his home, it's his home and perhaps I'm welcome no more. No don't think that! Diego forced himself to be rational. Friedrich probably needed a little more time to cool off. Diego could still hear the waves lapping against the sand, but with the sunlight gone, the view didn't hold the same attraction. He knew there was another place he could drive to, it was near Friedrich's house, but it provided a good view even at night. Diego slotted the keys into the ignition and drove off.

Holland Canyon Public Park was a well-kept and pretty location that sat at the top of the hill overlooking San Amador. The gardens were always maintained to a high standard by a local association and it was a safe place to bring the cubs to play. However, the park's main attraction was the stunning view it offered over San Amador and the Pacific ocean beyond. At night, Diego could see the lights of the town, the sea distantly sparkling in the intermittent moonlight and the odd set of headlights sweeping along the coastal road. The view made him feel wistful, it was similar to the panorama he saw almost every night from Friedrich's bedroom. There were no other cars parked nearby and the Victorian iron gates to the park had long since been locked. Diego wrested his paws on the steering wheel as he recalled what had happened the evening of the day when Melanie had left.

...

The traffic back to San Amador was mercifully light, and Diego sped along the coastal road with the windows down and Queens of The Stone Age playing on the stereo. We get these pills to swallow How they stick in your throat Taste like gold Oh what you do to me No one knows Diego sang along. He had shed his hoodie so the cool breeze could ruffle the short fur on his arm. The last of the sunlight shining over the sea and the music momentarily enabled Diego forget his troubles, but the feeling of mild contentment disappeared as he pulled up the driveway to the house. Friedrich's Dodge Challenger was sitting outside looking oddly forlorn without its driver. A few lights were shining behind the windows, but Diego knew they automatically came on as part of the security system. No one was actually home. The sound of the front door opening and closing echoed through the house as Diego made his way inside. He wondered into the front room and saw an array of DVDs sitting on the floor by the television; My Fair Lady, The King & I, The Princess Bride. No doubt Melanie had got them out to watch after school. As if on cue, Diego's phone vibrated and he saw a message from Emily.

Arrived at the airport with no problems, Melanie is well. Just boarding the plane to DC and will message when we get there.

Diego gazed around the room and sighed knowing the inevitable boredom that he would soon start to feel. The house was too quiet without the cheerful Alsatian cub skipping around. A year ago, a quiet house would have prompted Diego to invite all his friends over for a party with loud music and too many drinks. Better not this time, he told himself, and Ned was busy and Montoya was out of town anyway. Instead, he sent a message to Friedrich.

Hey babe, I know you're probably busy, but hope we can Skype later. I'm thinking about you and please come home soon. I love you xx

The likelihood of Friedrich responding straight away was slim, but Diego hoped to at least see his mate's face before he went to sleep. No, he had to see his mate and listen to his calm, baritone voice before he slept. The house felt too empty, yet the scent of Friedrich still hung everywhere. Diego didn't want to clean the house and loose the trace of his boyfriend, but part of his mind told him to get real. Jeez, you're acting like he's died. He'll be back. Perhaps dinner would provide a distraction. Diego made his way to the kitchen and rummaged through the large refrigerator. Prior to moving into Friederich's house, Diego's diet had consisted of Chinese takeouts, protein shakes, booze or eating out somewhere fancy if there wasn't any left-over takeout at home from the night before. Friedrich had left the fridge stocked with plenty of things to cook, but Diego still didn't trust himself to use Friedrich's extensive range without burning the house down.

In the end, Diego made himself some spaghetti carbonara which resembled an explosion on a plate but was at least quite tasty. He carried his laptop to the living room, stripped down to his briefs and lay on the couch as he if was living as a bachelor in his old apartment. Diego gazed at his laptop, hoping the tone heralding an incoming Skype call would start, but it remained silent. He reclined back and flicked through the TV stations. Unfortunately, nothing interesting was on. Instead, he dropped to the floor for some sit-ups and push-ups, but the laptop remained quiet. Diego casually placed a paw down the back of his briefs and scratched his butt as he wondered what to do next. Screw it he thought as he walked to the kitchen to grab a beer. There were several bottles of beer lining the fridge door, a rack of fine wine by the kitchen table, as well as bottles of vodka, gin and tequila in one of the kitchen cupboards. Diego had a high alcohol tolerance, but the desire to get buzzed crept into his mind. "Okay Redfield, name your poison," Diego muttered to himself as he looked at all the various options. "Straight vodka it is!" he announced, before grabbing the bottle and a shot glass.

Setting the bottle down in the living room, Diego browsed the DVD rack for something to watch. If he couldn't watch something with Melanie, Diego thought he might as well try watching a film on his own. He and Friedrich enjoyed war movies, but Diego wanted to find one that he hadn't seen yet. His paw hovered over a movie called No Heroics. The cover showed a black and white female Border Collie dressed in a World War Two officers uniform and clutching a revolver. Hmm, seems legit. Diego slotted the DVD into the player and necked a couple of shots of vodka as the opening titles appeared. The movie was about a Collie named Charlotte who was concerned about her brother trapped in occupied France during the War. She joined the secret service in London and was parachuted into Normandy. On any other occasion, the movie would have captivated Diego. The 1940s setting with the cars, blitz raging in London and the costumes were all brilliantly recreated, but watching the Collie's concern about her brother began to unnerve Diego. I don't care whether I die or not, or whether I can get the Nazis out of France, all I want to know is what happened to Pierre. That's all I ask the Collie said emotionally to her secret service handler. Fuck, I can't watch anymore Diego thought to himself as he ejected the disc. As he put the DVD back in its case, Diego suddenly felt embarrassed even though there was no one else in the room. What the fuck has gotten into you? he asked himself Freddy has only been gone two days and you're getting emotional over a movie. Diego checked his phone and laptop; there was no sign of contact from Friedrich and he sighed. A livelier atmosphere in the room was needed. Diego picked up the remote for the stereo system and flicked through the songs in Friedrich's playlist. He grinned, selected Since You've Been Gone by Rainbow and sat down on the couch to take two more shots of vodka. The temptation to dance was growing. Diego stood, flexed his arms and got ready to dance around. You know what, fuck it, I just wanna drink more. Diego jokingly gave the finger to an imaginary audience on the other couch before taking another shot of vodka and going back to the fridge to retrieve a beer.

Despite his strong tolerance, Diego could feel the drink already going to his head. He retrieved his beer and idly stuck his paw down the front of his briefs to fondle the contents. A devilish grin spread across his muzzle, even if Melody had joked about him watching porn, it felt like a fun thing to do at that moment. He popped open his beer, took a gulp and staggered back to the living room. Diego had wiped all of the porn he had saved on his laptop after moving in with Friedrich, but there was one video he had kept. Diego opened it and began rubbing at his sheath through the silky fabric of his underwear. His briefs were a close-fitting Aussiebum pair and were quite sweaty from having been worn all day, helping them to fit snugly against his balls. The close fitting material was already helping him feel aroused, but the title of the porn flick Fucked by Sarge caused him to chuckle. Diego remembered he had kept it to show Friedrich to ask if it was in any way accurate of his career in the marines.

The title disappeared and was replaced by a shirtless Fox wearing a pair of camo-pants resting on a bunk bed. The Fox had his dog-tags around his neck which reminded Diego of Friedrich who still liked to wear his. A shirtless Dingo was laying on a bunk opposite with a noticeable bulge in his pants. "Hey, Private Gunner, I've got something for you," the Dingo teased in a seductive voice. "Been waitin' all day." "Not now Private Torres, Sergeant Shaft will catch us," the Fox replied in what Diego assumed was supposed to be a hushed and fearful voice. Hot guys who can't act for shit, silly names, this is good gay porn all right. Private Torres kept stroking his bulge and Diego copied the Dingo's motions, fondling the sizeable package in his briefs. Back on the screen, Private Gunner glanced around before getting up and walking over to Private Torres. The Fox eased Private Torres' pants down and the Dingo's fully erect cock and swelling knot flopped out. "Heh, works on the time on Foxes," Gunner chuckled as Torres gripped his cock and licked the tip. Why do they always get hard so quickly in porn? The camera zoomed in as Torres put the tip of the Dingo's cock in his mouth and began working his muzzle up and down. Gunner moaned as the Fox's motions quickened.

Diego reclined back on the couch as he continued to watch the Fox giving the Dingo a blowjob. He slipped his now semi-hard cock out of his briefs and started jerking. On screen, the camera quickly cut away as a shirtless Doberman (who looked rather similar to the officer in the SF Metro's gym) stormed in. "Hey, Private Torres! I did not want to recruit fags into my platoon," Only a porn flick could make a word like fag seem hot. "Get down and gimme 20!" the Doberman barked. The Fox stopped sucking off Torres and began doing push-ups. "There's something I also get disobedient Foxes in my platoon to do." Diego watched as the Doberman dropped his camo pants and presented his erect cock to Torres. "Seeing as Gunner liked having his dick sucked by you, why not extend that curtesy to your drill Sergeant?" the Fox took the Doberman's cock and began sucking. "Gunner, my ass needs a good cleaning. Get to it!" the Doberman commanded. The Dingo knelt behind the Doberman's rump and the camera offered a good angle of his tongue licking around the tail hole before French kissing it.

Diego closed his eyes and listened to the slurping and moaning sounds coming from the laptop speakers. When Friedrich gets back we should get a friend to help recreate this. He opened his eyes in time to see the Doberman bending the Fox over the bed. "Get ready for a fucking Private," the Doberman growled. Without any sign of lube being applied, the Doberman rammed his fully erect cock into the Fox's tail hole. "Hnng, fuck yeah," the Fox moaned as the Doberman proceeded to thrust into him. "Private Gunner is being too loud, Torres give him a cock to suck!" The Dingo presented his cock and the Fox began sucking earnestly. This is hot. "Rrruf, what a tight little Fox ass," the Doberman groaned while Gunner kept sucking. Damn, this is really fucking hot. The Doberman then howled as he knotted the Fox and lifted his leg over to make the tie. The howling grew louder and Diego realised it was his own as cum splashed all over his chest. Diego lay back and panted, no longer comprehending the porn flick still playing on his laptop. Instead, he basked in the afterglow, but the feeling subsided as quickly as it had begun. He glanced down to see his cock already going soft. He closed the film, stood to go and get clean up but promptly fell back down on the couch. I'm really feeling it tonight. Grinning, Diego grabbed the vodka bottle and stumbled to the bathroom.

Once he had scrubbed most of the cum out of his chest fur at the sink, Diego put his underwear back on without bothering to shake himself dry and staggered back to the living room. Emily had left a short text on his phone; Hi Diego, we landed safely. Melanie says hi. There was nothing from Friedrich on his phone or Skype. Diego glanced at the clock; it was 11.30, still time for another few drinks before bed. He carried the vodka bottle and the glass upstairs, despite falling over twice, and poured himself another shot. Diego's head was now spinning and he felt like laying down on the bed. Placing the bottle on the floor, he slumped into the bed, faintly aware that he was still soaking wet and his cock was still sticky at the tip.

An hour later, Diego sat up with a vague sense of stickiness around his crotch. He glanced down to see that his briefs were clinging to his fur with cum that was still leaking from his cock. Sighing, he eased them off and threw them in the direction of where he thought the laundry basket was. They rebounded off the wall and fell onto the floor with a flop. Dammit, I'll get them later. Diego staggered to the en-suite bathroom to clean up again. This bathroom had a power shower which could get the mess out of his fur. Diego opened the bathroom cabinet and glanced around for his shower gel. Friedrich had cleared one of the cabinets for Diego to put his belongings in, and as Diego rummaged around he knocked another bottle of detox pills he had hidden away behind the mouth wash_._ In his drunken state, a sudden realisation flashed into Diego's mind. I've been off drugs, cutting down on drink and detoxing for a month and a half now, no wonder I'm getting so depressed without Friedrich. His love made me forget my cravings. Diego knew he had to finish his course of detox, but as he stood, sopping wet and alone in the house, the hollow feeling of loneliness crept back into his mind. He thought for a moment before a grin spread across his muzzle. It was certainly a bad idea, but one last adventure probably wouldn't hurt.

Diego stumbled down the stairs, picked up his cellphone and punched in a number. "Hey, what is it?" "Melody!" Diego slurred. "Let's hang out."