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"I can't believe you were afraid of coming here."

I smiled, watching my footpaws as they moved under the clear water, back and forth. The water from the river was cold enough to make my fur stand on end, but the sun was shining in the sky and the rays that slipped through the leaves warmed my skin.

"What can I say," I argued, with my best mocking tone. "It's kind of unusual to walk into the woods on your own. Let alone, walk out of them completely naked."

Kab didn't answer, and even though he tried to make it seem like he hadn't listened to me, I knew he had. He was standing in the river, walking up and down, feeling the wet rocks under the soles of his footpaws. I let the possible answer he might have given me under other circumstances flow away, like the waters of the river. I would sometimes try to question him about his origin, to no avail. I was used to it. He was still as mysterious and silent as he had been when I had known him, only that now it was even more frustrating since the language was not a barrier anymore.

"There's nothing dangerous in this forest," Kab argued, paddling in the water.

"Oh, right. You didn't even know what a forest was a few weeks ago," I reminded him, sticking my tongue out at him.

This would usually freak him out. Of all the things he had to learn, facial gestures and expressions were the most difficult to grasp for him.

"I didn't know how to say it, but I knew what it was," Kab said. It took him a while to understand I was just kidding, and he gave me one of those sweet smiles of his that made my heart melt... even if just for a moment.

It had been two months since I had first met him in the observatory. At that point, it was difficult to relate his white-spotted, black fur with the strange creature I had seen climbing the wall of the library. It was almost as if when he had started speaking he had somehow created a barrier between the person he had been and the one he was now. Even though I hadn't forgotten for a single second that both were the same person, they seemed kind of... distant.

I still didn't know which species he was, but it no longer mattered. He was simply Kab, and that was all I needed to know. His tail was longer and more powerful than mine, his ears were slightly rounder, and his muzzle was slightly more angular, but... there were so many other things that made him different from me that, at that point, his species and physiognomy were the last thing I was worried about.

"I've been reading this book that you told me the other day," he said, when we were ready to go back home. "The one about the compass and the north lights."

Kab was a quick learner. When I had answered what a book was, he had asked how to read them. When I had taught him how to do so, he had asked me where to find them. During those days, he wouldn't lose himself in the forests so often and instead would visit the library. I would have liked to know Miss Torrine's opinion about that.

"Oh, that book. Are you enjoying it?"

"Yes! I like that animal that changes form from time to time. Panta... Pantala..." he shook his head, a bit frustrated. "Well, she calls him Pan, but you know what I say!"

"Yeah, Pantalaimon," I giggled, as I put my socks back into my footpaws. They were soaked, but I didn't mind. I liked the feeling of soaked socks because it reminded me of past summers. "He's kind of cute, right?"

"Sure! I like him a lot."

As I was putting my shoes, I suddenly had the thought of Kab as being able to change his form too. Maybe he was a dæmon after all, too. Maybe he had got stuck between a transformation and that's why he didn't resemble any particular species anymore. Maybe he even was an adult dæmon. I shook my head, with a smile on my face.

"What's that? What is so funny?" asked Kab, when he noticed.

"Nothing, nothing. It's just that I hope you don't like this book as much as you liked Stardust," I lied, as I stuck my tongue out at him teasingly again.

He seemed to understand this time and just smiled, although I could see a shadow of sadness when he remembered the story of Tristram Thorn in search for the fallen star. "But does she return?" he had asked me, when he had finished writing, "Or does she stay?" When I answered him, his face changed and he looked defeated all of a sudden. For a few days, he looked a bit melancholic for some reason. I simply thought it was because he still wasn't completely used to the difference between fiction and reality, and some stories could really make an effect on him. I couldn't blame him. He's not the only person I've known that actually cares more about fictional characters than real people.

"Anyway, I prefer reading fantasies than those old books you gave me at the beginning," he said, shrugging, as we walked back home.

"Oh. Alright, now you mean The Canterbury Tales."

"Yes. Chaucer already knows me too much."

"You mean, you know Chaucer," I argued, correcting his grammar mistake, although I wasn't sure this time how Kab could know an author that had been dead for half a millennium now. Technically, he could have studied him, but I highly doubted that was what he spent his free time in whenever I was in classes.

He just shook his head, but didn't answer. I saw that sparkle of silence deep in his eyes, just like whenever he didn't want to talk about something.

* * * * * *

I wish I had had any desktop console then so we could have played videogames all night, without interruptions. Instead, we just watched TV together, all kinds of films and shows, until he was feeling too sleepy to stay awake and nodding off. I would look at him for a few minutes, enjoying his cute attempts to keep his eyes open, before mentioning that maybe it would be better if we went to bed. He would answer with a soft 'yes' and then I'd leave him in his room, heading to my aunt's house, where I was supposed to sleep. At first I had thought about asking my aunt if I could sleep in my mother's house but since Kab was already there, I thought that it could have triggered many questions... questions that I didn't want to answer to my aunt.

She was already starting to be a bit annoying, pointing out that I spent almost all the day with him and that I was 'ignoring' the rest of my friendships. I didn't even try to tell her those friendships simply didn't exist. For some reason, during those days I had started to feel that I didn't like her meddling in my life. Possibly, because there had been nothing to meddle with before.

That night, Kab and I were watching another film. This time, it was one of those bad romantic films that they always put on TV when no one's supposed to be watching. Like a hidden sin, or a guilty pleasure, truth was that it was difficult to find people who admittedly liked those films... but they seemed to be anywhere, and that meant they had some public.

"Love," Kab said, suddenly.

I turned to look at him, a bit curious.

"Love?"

"Yes. It seems to be... always there in everything. Books, films, music... all everyone does seems to be..." he struggled with the word for a few seconds, "linked to affection, in one way or another. Even in those films that have nothing to do with love, there is always this sense of affection or the lack of it. Why?"

I thought about it for a few seconds.

"Well, it's a universal theme," I admitted "and maybe it is so popular precisely because it is so difficult to grasp it, to explain it with words. Do you know what I mean?"

He nodded.

"So, why that?" he asked, pointing to the TV, as the two main characters of the film (obviously a man and a woman) shared a tender kiss in the last scene. "Is love a kiss? Is love a hug? What is love, exactly?"

"See?" I smiled, as I laid back on the floor, closing my eyes. "You're already thinking about it and trying to solve the unsolvable question. That's why it is so recurrent."

"It's an incredible thing," he said, shaking his head, and his dreamy gaze seemed to look more intently into the TV screen, where the credits were already rolling. "It is... amazing... the thing you've done, there. That feeling."

I opened one eye, but didn't answer to Kab. I wasn't completely sure to be following his flow of thoughts and, even if I was, I was somehow worried we might end up falling into a tricky conversation.

"It could make someone chase a fallen star..." he whispered, almost to himself.

"And you haven't even read the Iliad," I smiled, with a mocking tone.

"For instance," he said, looking at me. "Why do I feel like I don't want to leave you when I look at you? Do I love you, Chris?"

The tricky conversation had arrived and I hadn't seen it coming. Shit. Maybe it would have been nice to teach Kab something about the regular progression of a conversation.

"Well, you tell me," I mumbled, turning my back at him, still lying on the floor. "I can't tell if you don't know."

There were a few seconds of silence that were like minutes for me. I was holding my breath, cheeks burning, as I heard the distant music of the credits that came from the old TV. I could easily imagine Kab looking at me, then turning to the TV, and then back to me, as he tried to make sense of that puzzle, as if it were such an easy thing to do.

Oh, but love is never easy, Kab.

"I've made you uncomfortable," he guessed, after a few seconds.

"Yes," I admitted. It was no use lying to him.

For an instant, I thought he was going to ask 'why'. Instead, he just stood there, sitting and probably looking at me. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could see his big, deep eyes looking at me with sorrow and guilt, trying to understand what was it that he had done wrong. For some reason, I wanted him to feel bad and at the same time I didn't want to. After a few seconds, the most compassionate side of me won the battle.

"But it's okay," I said, after a while. "It's not your fault. People usually get all flustered when talking about love. It's one of those taboos."

"Taboos?"

"Mmm... let's say you shouldn't just ask anyone about love, or at least not expect them to answer you naturally," I explained, pondering my words carefully. "Sometimes, people are a bit protective of their feelings."

"Are they afraid of them?"

I closed my eyes, a bit tired.

"Maybe they are."

After that, we went through another uncomfortable silence, in which I still didn't dare to look at him. I was afraid he would read in my eyes, as easily as he had learned to read books. For some reason and from time to time, I still found him so unknown and measureless that it scared me. The silence was torn eventually and we resumed our conversation, talking about daily matters in an attempt to forget the strange incident that had taken place minutes ago. It didn't work, but at least it helped us get somewhat distracted. I guess we needed that in order to sleep at peace that night.

When I left Kab in his room and walked back to our house, my aunt was waiting for me in the living room, with the lights on. Normally, she would have been sleeping at that time, so the sight of her still up and obviously waiting to see me arrive home made me stop by the doorframe, a bit startled.

"What?" I asked her. I usually wasn't that impertinent, but there was an accusing shadow in her eyes that I didn't like at all.

"It's late," she pointed out. I was tempted to tell her that her statement was quite obvious; I had a watch and I knew the time. "I'm just worried about you spending so much time with that boy."

"Worried? Why?" I asked her, as I left my coat on the clothes rack, never turning to look directly at her. That was my way of letting her know how much it irritated me to be assaulted like that in my way back home.

"You... only care about him now. You know that, right?"

"Well, you used to complain because I didn't care about anything," I reminded her, with a snort. "And that was not so long ago."

My aunt didn't know what to answer for a few seconds. She looked away, as a child that had been caught in the middle of a lie, and bit her lower lip. I could tell she was doing that because she thought it was the best thing for me. There were no bad intentions, but I disagreed with her.

As simple as that.

"Look," she said, when I was starting to go upstairs, heading to my room. "One day, this boy will have to leave. I'm just trying to make sure you haven't forgotten that."

I stopped in the middle of the stairway, a bit shocked. However, I didn't turn back to her. Instead, I just shook my head.

"I haven't," I reassured her, after a few seconds.

I was lying.

Later in my room, as I looked at the ceiling, I was still thinking over my aunt's words. There was something about them that made me uneasy; and for some reason, I didn't want to find out whether I was simply pissed off with her or afraid that her words might get true. The fact that I had forgotten about the possibility of Kab ever leaving Coalfell, too, filled me with uncertainty. I wouldn't usually forget to think about something like that. Why would I? I knew I had thought about it in the first days... but lately, my deepest fears seemed to have simply faded away.

That short conversation with my aunt had triggered something inside me. The need to know all those things about Kab that I had taken for granted, to ask him about all the secrets and mysteries that surrounded him and that he had consciously kept from me. This included knowing when he was going to leave... if he actually was leaving. How could Kab ever leave Coalfell? He didn't have anywhere to go... right?

Right?

But then again, he wasn't like a normal person. I was well aware of that by that time, and the fact that I knew so little about him was, for the first time, not alluring but scary.

A scenario without him crossed my mind and I shivered involuntarily, and then when I thought there was nothing I could do to prevent that situation I shivered again, and then when I thought that it might even happen without me seeing it coming I shivered again.

It was difficult to sleep that night. For a long time I felt nauseated, restless and afraid as I had never felt in a long time. When the clock in my nightstand reached 4 AM and I still hadn't fallen asleep, I took the decision to ask him, to ask him about it as soon as I saw him again. I spend the rest of the night thinking of the words I would say.

But in the end, it wasn't necessary. She did it for me.

* * * * *

"When are you leaving, Kab?" asked my aunt, when we were having dinner.

I almost choked with the artichoke. I swear I saw my aunt smiling at me but I was too busy drinking water in order not to die right there.

At first, I felt infuriated. My aunt didn't have the right to ask him that question when it had been so hard for me to come up with the words to do it. And even though I finally hadn't done it (I had spent all the day trying to find the right moment to ask him, but in the end I had kept silent) that made no difference. I immediately turned to Kab, trying to tell him with a look that he didn't need to answer.

Something stopped me. Something that made my heart shrink and hurt all of a sudden.

He was playing with the artichokes, looking distracted, as if he hadn't heard the question. But I knew he had. He just didn't want to answer. And that could just mean one thing.

"Kab?" my aunt asked again, as insistent as only she could be.

"Soon," he replied, without looking up. Evading the answer. Evading my eyes, I realized. He had never acted like that, and for some reason, it scared me.

At first I didn't want to give it that much importance. I finished my vegetables, talking with my aunt and Kab as if nothing had happened. If anything, at least I had to pretend in front of my aunt. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of finding out she had been right all along. It was already humiliating enough.

It made sense, all of a sudden. His words last night, when he had asked about the reasons why he wanted to stay when he looked at me. It was going to happen, and he had known it for a long time.

He had simply avoided telling me.

When the time came to go to my mother's house to watch TV with Kab, I just told him I wasn't feeling well. He didn't believe me, but at least he didn't try to stop me and I thanked him for that.

That night I didn't sleep either. That was two nights in a row.

* * * * *

Sometimes we take light for granted. It appears in our lives, shines brightly in the middle of darkness and sometimes you think you've seen something beyond the night, beyond the eternal shadows that gathered around you. A goal. A far-away point, reachable if only for an instant, that makes everything fall into its proper place, like Tetris pieces, and then everything makes sense.

A shooting star.

You can see it for a few seconds. For the blink of an eye, it works like that.

You start walking, because suddenly you can. Each step brings you closer and closer to your destination, and each step makes you feel stronger and safer. The shadows can no longer touch you and the music of the night goes silent for a short while, and you thankfully walk towards the light, always towards the light...

But shooting stars do not last forever.

When the light goes off, you find yourself in the middle of the shadows. There is no path to follow and you are more lost than ever. Everything disappears in a few seconds, in the blink of an eye, it works like that.

Not all of us can be one of the three wise men.

And for those who do not make it past the shadows, shooting stars are guiding lights to disaster.

* * * * *

The next day I joined Kab out my mother's house as usual, no matter what had happened the previous day. Insomnia makes everything look strangely less painful and real, as if the world was somehow further away. Like a dream. I was familiar with that feeling of strangerness, but not when I was close to Kab.

"Hey," he said, when I appeared. "Did you sleep well? You look tired."

"That's because I am," I muttered, a bit evasively, as we started walking towards the school.

I could feel his gaze staring intently at me, but I tried to bury it again under my lack of sleep. I was becoming an expert in burying things lately, which was kind of surprising taking into account that it was the first time I had things to bury.

We walked silently for a long time. I didn't know what to say and he didn't look like he was ready to break the silence either. I knew he was probably feeling guilty by that time, knowing that there was something he had done wrong, but he just couldn't figure out what it was, or if he could, he just didn't know what to do about it.

Could he actually do something about it?

"You're angry," he said, after a while. His voice was as soft and calm as always, but I could feel a slight tremor in it.

"I'm not," I replied, quickly. Almost too quickly.

"But you're not talking to me, and you're not smiling. And you didn't sleep yesterday," he remarked, and his voice was grey with worry for an instant.

I let out a soft sigh.

"Alright. I guess I'm angry," I admitted, shaking my head. "But it makes no sense. I don't have the right to be angry just because you're leaving. I have no right to decide... whether you leave or not."

"But you don't want me to leave," he said, as if he needed to be sure.

"You don't want to leave either," I observed, with a bit of an accusatory tone. "You told me the other day."

He didn't speak for a long while. I didn't dare to look at him directly and, instead, just kept walking ahead of him without turning back. I had never seen him sad, without that gleam of true happiness at the bottom of his eyes, and I didn't know if I was ready to see him like that. If I turned at that moment, I would want to forgive him. And something inside me practically screamed he didn't deserve to be forgiven.

But for some reason, I needed it. I needed to know that he was just as anxious as I was about him leaving. I needed to see he was sad.

"But I have to," he managed to say, after a few seconds.

"When?" I asked, starting to get actually kind of angry. Angry at his weird secrecy, at the impenetrable truth that he hid behind those deep black eyes. The secrets I had fallen for, and that now were turning against me.

"Soon," he repeated.

"Oh, that's so precise. I'll try to be ready to fare you well when soon arrives," I mocked, with an irritated smile. I could tell I was being unfair with him, but at the moment it simply didn't matter. I wanted him to stay, and better have him in tears than not to have him at all.

When I think about it in retrospective, I can see how selfish I was... but at the same time, I can't fully blame myself. He had become the only thing that kept me going, and for some reason I had even believed that there were no secrets, that there was a total trustful relationship between us... Until then, I hadn't seen how mistaken I was.

"Where?" I asked, after a few seconds.

"Back home," he mentioned, mysteriously.

I let out a grumpy snort, irritated by the lack of proper answers. I couldn't possibly imagine why he wouldn't tell the truth. What was so important that he couldn't tell me? How much had I really known Kab until then?

Going over those thoughts again and again, I didn't talk for the rest of the way to school and I didn't even say goodbye to him before entering the building. I could almost feel the sadness and desperation on him as I crossed the door without turning back and entered the building. However, it was nothing compared to the boiling fear and anger that filled me.

It got worse as the morning passed.

For some reason, I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty when I remembered Kab's eyes full of sadness, but then the anger would take over me again and bury the guilt under several layers of fear and frustration. Kab was leaving. Soon. Where, no one could tell. And even though he hadn't mentioned it, I somehow sensed that I would probably never see him again. He had arrived suddenly and unexpectedly, and just like that, he was going to leave. Like the wind.

In the middle of the classroom, I glanced around and paid attention to those familiar faces that surrounded me. I had grown with them, going to the same classes and sharing some hours each day; and however, I couldn't feel anything towards them. They were like minor characters in a short story. When Kab left, everything would return to its usual, grey dullness, and no one would be able to save me from that again. My gaze stumbled upon Robin and I saw him look back to me; the memory of a distant kiss came to my mind, but it didn't wake up any feelings.

No. It was just him.

And that was why I felt so angry, so frustrated, so afraid. He didn't understand that when he left, a part of me would be leaving with him too. A part that had arrived with him, and that should depart with him just like that.

I decided to look for him after the classes. Not to apologize, for I was still too proud for that, but in order to at least ignore the matter for a short while, pretend that nothing had happened. But when I came out of the classes, feeling slightly nervous, I couldn't find him waiting in the door of the building, and although I waited for several minutes, he didn't turn up.

For the first time in months, I went back home completely alone. Then, on a hunch, I decided to go to the library. Maybe he had forgotten about the time and he was still reading books there. What was the one he had started just a few days ago? Maybe Stardust again. Maybe none.

But he wasn't in the library either. A growing feeling of anxiety started to burn inside me, as I approached Miss Torrine's counter and asked her if she had seen Kab that day.

"He didn't come today," she replied, and for the first time, she made no jokes. "But he hasn't been coming for a few days now."

I thanked her and got out of the library, my heart beating with distress.

The river. The forest. Those were his favorite places after all, maybe he was there.

Even though the sun was setting and the twilight was dying the sky with its decadent red, I started climbing the mountain outside Coalfell, walking among the trees as I looked for the river where we had bathed together so many times. I was almost running, almost crying, but not quite; it was keeping me on that edge that hurt so much, and I wasn't sure for how long I would be able to bear it.

<<He can't possibly have left without saying goodbye>> I repeated to myself, desperately. <<He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that..."

I finally found a weak stream and followed it until I reached the river. It was empty except for a few dragonflies and pondskaters. The sky was dark grey and I returned home walking with the faint shadows of the trees. A tiny part of me still expected to see him in the way back, but that simply didn't happen.

I got home, grabbed the keys and opened the door. My aunt asked me about the day, and why I had got there so late. I barely mumbled something about a party for the exchange students, that I thought Kab was going to sleep in Robin's house, and that I wasn't feeling very well and wanted to go to bed without having dinner.

I don't know which of those she believed. I felt her inquisitive eyes piercing my neck as I walked upstairs but I didn't turn back.

When I fell into my bed, my body somehow made an attempt to let out my feelings in the form of tears, but for some reason it didn't get to happen. It was more like a convulsion, a tremor, and then a feeling of absolute hopelessness that fell over me with the weight of a hammer.

That, and the lack of sleep from the previous day, pulled me into a sleep full of nightmares and vanishing shooting stars.