Why Can't I?

Story by KlandiroFolfbane on SoFurry

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A young couple has some slight relationship tension, one of them needs to answer the question, "Why can't I?"


Sitting at a kitchen table, a tall zebra was sipping at a glass of water. His dark blue t-shirt, as well as his green gym shorts stood out against his white and black stripes. His black mane well groomed. A look of concern in his eyes as he breaks the silence. "There's something up hun." he says, looking at the lion sitting across from him.

"What do you mean?" the lion asks as he leans back into his chair. He had been leaning forward some, spacing out some. He had to look up some to let his amber eyes meet the zebra's own brown eyes. He straightened his grey t-shirt some as his tail flicked to the side, slapping against his jeans.

"You've been much quieter lately," the zebra said. "Don't want to do things as much anymore." A huff. "James, you know I'm here for you, right?"

"OF course I do," James said softly. "I'm just going through stuff."

"We're boyfriends James," the zebra said, his voice raised some, a stern look on his face. "Every few months, you 'Go through stuff'. What is it, why don't you tell me about it?"

"Because I..."

"Because you just can't?" The zebra finished. "That's what you tell me every time I bring it up James." He sighed, setting his glass down, water splashing up out of it with the force he set it down with.

"Lee.." James started, watching as the zebra stood up.

"What?" the zebra asks, shaking slightly. A few tears welling up in his eyes. His hand reached down into his pocket. "It'll be fine in a couple days? But then how long till things happen again? And again?" the zebra said, pulling something out of his pocket.

"Lee please."

"I'm sorry James, but," Lee sighed heavily, setting his hand down on the table, a soft metal clink heard before he pulled his hand away. A key left on the table. "I can't do this." He turned, heading out of the kitchen, walking towards the door. James shook, tears starting to roll down his muzzle as he looks at the key. "I'm sorry James." Lee said, before opening the door and walking out.

Soft sounds of sobbing filled the small kitchen. James stared at the key, listening to the faint sound of a card door opening and closing. Quickly the car turned on, and the sounds of it faded away. When it couldn't be heard any more, James snarled, grabbing the glass that Lee left, and threw it against the wall, causing water and shattered glass to go everywhere. Holding his face in his paws, he started crying again, screaming "I'm sorry."

As the next week past, James stopped by Lee's apartment on his way home from work, but never saw the zebra's car. When he was at home, it was spent mostly in silence. Finding numerous things of the zebra's. As he found more, he started putting it in a box. "Why can't I explain?" He'd mumble to himself as he did so.

Having gotten into a routine with Lee, James went out for his normal Saturday morning jog in the nearby park. The two would always meet there. As he jogged, he never saw Lee, nor did he when he took a break, sitting on one of the benches by the parking lot. As others went by, he gave them soft smiles, trying to not get upset in public. Eventually, he went home, finding little comfort in his apartment.

A few days later, he saw Lee at the store. His ears lowered as he stepped forward towards the zebra. But when Lee turned and saw James, he quickly left, leaving James standing in the middle of the store, tail twitching as he bit his lip, fighting back tears. For the rest of that week, James didn't go by Lee's apartment. He went home, and thought about the zebra's question.

The following Wednesday, their anniversary, he grabbed the box of Lee's things and put it in his car. Going over to the Zebra's apartment, he saw the car was there. Parking, he sat there for nearly five minutes, willing himself to do this. With a deep breath, he got out of his car, got the box, and went inside. Going up the stairs, he rounded the corner and stood, looking at the familiar door. With another deep breath, he stepped up to it. Cradling the box in one arm for a moment, he knocked a soft, quick knock. Bring the box back to holding it with both paws, he waited. Hearing heavy footfalls coming from the apartment, he tensed up some, looking at the peep hole in the door. "What do you want, James?" Lee's voice said, rather dryly from the other side of your door.

"I..." James stammered, taking a deep breath, fighting more tears. "I brought your things." There was silence, before the click of the door lock, followed by the door slowly opening. Standing in the doorway, Lee looked down at the lion, dressed in a shirt the zebra had given him, and a pair of jeans.

"Thanks," Lee said softly. In only a pair of gym shorts, a bit of sweat beaded up on his fur. Reaching for the box, he saw the lion tense up a bit more. James never looked up to meet Lee's eyes, just staring down into the box. Thinking about all the memories behind the stuff in it.

"Growing up, I was always told I had to be strong, emotions are weak." James sighed. "I was always the one to listen and talk to people about their problems. I never had that. I always had to be strong, to bottle things up. To put a smile on my face because everything was ok." He handed the box to Lee, who was looking at him, a confused look on his face. The lion looked up as the box changed hands, meeting gazes for a moment. "I'm sorry Lee." He turned and started going down the stairs.

"James..." Lee said softly. "Wait." James stopped mid step. Brining his foot back to the step he was on, his ears lowered. Looking down at the ground, he didn't look over. Lee set the box down inside the doorway, watching the lion. "Would you like to come in?" James' ears perked for a moment, before he shook his head, his mane swishing some in the air.

"I don't think your neighbors would appreciate shouting this early in the morning."

"There won't be any yelling. Plus the walls are pretty thick." Lee said, his tail swishing behind him. "It'll just be talking." James stood there quietly for a minute, never looking at the zebra, just at the ground. Before he turned around and headed back up the stairs.

"A..alright." he stammered softly. Never making eye contact as he made his way to the apartment. Seeing the zebra's form step aside as he approached, he walked into the familiar apartment. His ears flattening as he heard the door close behind him. He stood there, not knowing what was going to happen. A loud gasp escaped his lips as he felt two strong arms wrap around him. Turning him so he was facing the zebra before he was pulled into a warm embrace. As he felt the soft squeeze when those arms fully wrapped around him, he broke down. Starting to cry, face pressed against his chest. "I'm sorry Lee." he managed to squeak out as he cried. He felt those strong arms squeeze him again as the zebra's head came down to rest on top of his. They stood there like that for a few minutes. James was crying hard. A few tears were running down Lee's muzzle as he held the lion.

As James slowly reduced to sniffling, Lee gave him one last squeeze before letting go stepping back, he gently took one of the lion's paws. His fingers running over the soft pads, stopping as they felt a cut in one. He gave the hand a squeeze before he led the lion over to his couch. Letting go of that hand, he pointed to the couch. "Sit, get comfortable, I'm going to get some water." James nodded and sat down on the couch, sitting very rigid he watched Lee go to the kitchen and bring back a couple glasses of water. The zebra set the glasses down on the coffee table before he turned to look at James. A large hand come to gently pull his chin up, making the lion look him in the eyes. "Never had that? I always told you that you could talk to me about anything." the zebra said softly. Looking into James' watery eyes. There was silence for a moment, as James fought back more tears.

"Habits are hard to break. And that was how things were for me growing up." James sighed heavily, head resting in that hand some more, putting a bit more weight down on it. "You know how my parents are, especially Dad. His son wasn't going to grow up to be some emotional sissy, he's going to be big and strong, just like him.

"Yo.." Lee barely started before James continued

"And in school, friends knew they could come to me if they needed to talk, mainly to vent. I've always been a good listener. But if I ever needed to vent, ever needed someone to talk to, no one was ever there. They were busy, weren't good at listening." he sighed. "So, I started bottling everything up. They got mad when I needed someone, cause I was supposed to be the strong one. I wasn't supposed to be the sad one, or the stressed one," he let out a deep growl, which got Lee's ears to lower some. "I was supposed to be the one who's always got a smile on his face, who will always be there when needed." He went quiet for a moment, his eyes closing as a few tears started rolling down his muzzle again.

"Those don't sound like friends at all."

"I mean, mainly junior high and high school friends. Those are the one's that are there for school, then you never hear from them again, right?"

"For the most part." Lee nodded softly, watching James closely.

"I was good too. Got really good at acting like things were great, even though I wasn't. Football was a good out for me, even though I wasn't the all-star Dad wanted me to be." He sighed softly. "Jump forward about six years. I've been doing this for so long, that its all that I do, but it gets harder to hold it in. Bottles can only hold so much until they over flow right? Well its gotten a lot harder to keep the lid on. Things trigger moods so much easier."

"I al.."

"And then there's you. The best thing to ever happen to me. My best friend, someone I know will sit and listen. Someone I know will do everything in their power to help me." he growled softly again. "But all that goes through my mind whenever you try to get me to talk is how you don't need to be stressed by my issues. I can.." He stopped as he felt the hand cupping his chin give a soft squeeze. His eyes open some, looking at Lee, who has a slightly angry look in his eyes.

"But its ok for me to trouble you with mine? We all have problems James. That's what real friends are for, to help you through those hard times. That's especially what a boyfriend is for. To always be there. To be support you, to encourage you. To let you know that you are loved." Lee stopped as he realized his voice was raising some as he spoke. There was another long silence, before James gently pulled his chin from Lee's hand. Turning and looking down at his lap, he sighed.

"The problem is, all I did was ask 'What ifs'" The lion sighed heavily. "That's what really got my mood so low."

"What were these what ifs?" The lion's chest rose and fell heavily as he sighed, before slowly turning to look back up at Lee.

"They," he paused for a moment. "Were about you." Seeing the look of confusion, and Lee's mouth starting to open to speak, he continued. "What if I do talk? Will he still love me? Will he realize I have too much baggage? Will it ruin our friendship?" He lowered his head again, paws gripping each other in his lap. "What if I lose you?" They sat there silently. "And by not talking, I did." James fell silent. Waiting for Lee to speak. When nothing was said, but the zebra started to move. James turned to look, finding himself being pulled into another hug, this time a soft kiss grazed his cheek before Lee pulled the lion in close, nestling the lion's head under his chin, his arms wrapping around him firmly.

"I'm sorry James," Lee started, but James interrupted.

"No Lee. I'm sorry. I should've have just told you, instead of pushing you away." Tears were streaming down his cheeks again as he wrapped his arms around the zebra. They sat there, quietly sobbing as they hold onto each other. Lee slowly pulled back, and kisses the lion right on the lips.

"Not really how I figured our first anniversary to start, you know." He said, giving the lion a soft smile. James' ears perked up, eyes going wide.

"A...anniversary?" Lee chuckled and nodded softly, nuzzling the lion gently.

"Bit of a rocky start, but, I think we can bring things up from here." A soft smile formed on James's muzzle as he squeezed the zebra.

"What did you have in mind?"

"First, I want to know why there's a cut on you paw pad."

"Cut?" James looked down at his paws. Seeing a small cut on his right paw pad, he sighed softly. "I might have, thrown your glass after you left." he sighed. "Had a bit of a mishap with cleaning up."

"Threw my glass?" Lee asked with a chuckle. "Would have been more manly to crush it in your paw." James chuckled softly before he leaned in to kiss the zebra on the cheek

"How would you like to stay in, and talk?"

Lee smiled wide as he pulled the lion into his lap, hugging him warmly. "I'd love that."