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Sunday Night

The storm was strong, but not violent. What thunder there was stayed at a respectful distance, and after it passed, all that was left was the firm, steady drumming upon the roof high above. The horses seemed content to stay in their stalls as the four of us mingled with them from the main alley of the stable. Hot Shot made a firm claim on Emmanuel, who did his best to split his time between the yowen and his mum. Sony, like Revy, seemed quite impressed by the strange but well-made young stallion. The twins teased the Pegasus that they were going to get jealous.

Our gathering was what I would classify as a "party" in the best sense of the word. All nine of us were warm, friendly, and paying attention to one another. No one had his electronic devices out; there were no devastating backbeats pounding from oversized speakers, drowning out our conversation; and we weren't staring slack-jawed at a box with moving pictures, watching things go boom. Like the days of real parties, we made our own entertainment for one another, and Brady and Boyce surprised our guest a little by breaking into song. I'm sure that Emmanuel remembered my mentioning that the otters had sung to the troop during that awful storm we'd had a few years ago. Even so, I don't think he was prepared for such a lovely duet of "Big City Blues," a song best suited to a smoky bar room at two in the morning but sweeter for the perfect blending of the twins' voices. They, in turn, coaxed me into singing Tom Lehrer's delightfully suggestive ditty "I Got It From Agnes." It got a good laugh from the stallion.

"Your turn," Brady teased our guest with a grin.

I thought that Emmanuel might balk or try to wave us off. His first reaction was to look down at the floor, a sense of a blush rising to his cheeks as he shook his mane gently. After another few moments, he looked to Hot Shot, Sony, and Revy, then took a deep breath and began.

"When in the springtime of the year, when the trees are crowned with leaves... When the ash and oak and the birch and yew are dressed in ribbons fair..."

My jaw dropped slightly, both at the equine's smooth baritone and the realization that I wasn't the only one enamored of the magnificence of Loreena McKennit's beautiful work. I could see that Brady and Boyce hadn't heard the ballad and, to judge by their expressions, they hadn't expected such a sweet, clear voice from our newest recruit. I'd never heard him sing before, but I'd had the feeling that such a light was hidden under his bushel just from hearing him talk. On the first chorus, I resisted the temptation, but on the second, I brought out the higher end of my range and accompanied him with the notes provided in the recording.

"We've been rambling all the night and some time of this day..." The Pegasus was surprised at first, then smiled as we continued. "Now returning back again, we bring you garland gay..."

He took the final verse for himself, his forepaw having learned already how to favor Revy's cheek with precisely the touch that she loved so much. It seemed to me as if he sang to her directly, and even Hot Shot's eagerness and Sony's newly-formed affections were tamed slightly to allow the stallion to croon his gentle love to her. "Garland gay we bring you here, as Spring brings forth its all; here's a sprout well budded-out, in faith to Spirit's call."

We sang the chorus again, twice (as the song calls for), and as our harmony faded softly, the pattering rains above applauded along with otter tails and forepaws, and from the stalls, appreciative nickering and ears placed contentedly backward. As I stood near him, His Imperiousness gave a nod and nudged me gently. I had the impression that he had somehow understood that Emmanuel wanted a job here, and Jason was giving me his approval of the choice of staff. It would seem that the only hold-out was myself, but as I'd said to the lads earlier, it wasn't so much_if_as how. I found that I really did want it to work out.

After a little while longer, the rain banked down to a slow, steady patter, a level that we all agreed would have little impact on the troop. A quick check of the weather on the computer in my office indicated that we weren't likely to have any more thunder or even heavy downpour, although the rain was likely to last much of the night. Brady and Boyce bade their goodnights to our guest, providing warm hugs and assurances that tomorrow morning would be the last time he'd have to groom the horses as a guest. The twins threw grins at me, the elder of the two jokingly threatening a general strike if management didn't accede to the wishes of labor.

"Doesn't Shane get a vote?" I quipped.

"Two to one," Brady rejoined. About that point, Sony neighed very softly, seeming to jut her chin toward Emmanuel. "Three to one."

I chuckled, waving my paws in front of my face. "I give, I give! Negotiations can continue in the morning. Let's get some sleep; we're still expected up at quarter-to-horse-fart, eh?"

"It's a date."

Near the far door, the younger of the twins started to remove his clothing again, and Boyce stopped him with a gentle forepaw to the shoulder. "Come on now," the elder grinned. "Stripping in front of the boss twice in one night might cost us some bargaining power."

"Not going there on a bet." I waved them off as they left. "Sleep well, you two. See you in the morning."

I turned back in time to see Emmanuel place a chaste kiss to Revy's forehead, and I have to admit that I felt a brief flash of envy. Even here, it seemed, the stallion could seduce females at will. I knew that nothing, well, "inappropriate" would happen. Truth told, I was very glad to see the kiss. You can't fake affection with a creature who knows emotions instinctively. When my horses trust someone that much, I take it as a good sign... not, mind you, that I'd needed much convincing in Emmanuel's case.

He looked up at me and smiled. "I hope you don't think I'm a masher."

"Just what are your intentions toward my filly, young stallion?"

"Honorable, I promise you, good fur!" He laughed, giving Revy a final pat on her neck and stepping softly over to me. "Why did we never tell each other how much we like Loreena McKennitt?"

"Guess it just never came up. Shows you have great taste, though -- important in an employee." I chuckled and waved toward the doors at the front part of the stables. "Want to dodge some raindrops and go get some sleep?"

The Pegasus hesitated for a moment, and again I sensed the blush on the caramel coat just underneath his eyes. "It might be drier if we stayed here. And I'm reasonably sure we can hear the rain better. I find it soothing."

"If you'd like to be alone..." I started, and he cut me off gently.

"I'd like to talk some more, Gavin."

His voice was low enough that I almost had trouble hearing him. I nodded, smiling. "I think we have enough local amenities for the night. Speaking of which, I'll be right back." I ambled toward the front doors, turning to visit the loo. Bladders are tricky things, especially when the sound of running and dripping water is all around you.

Feeling a bit lighter for the offloading, I padded back into the stable's central alley only to find no one there but five content equines not quite dozing in their stalls. "Emmanuel?"

"Up here," he said from the loft. He grinned down at me and added, "No; I used the steps."

I laughed, switched off all but the softest lights near the two doors at each end of the alley, then moved around to the angled ladder myself, once again glad that I'd made the permanent steps wide and deep enough for my old bear's paws and covered in some of the same no-slip stuff that covered most of the stable floor. I reached the top and found that the equine had made quite a comfy-looking nest for himself in the hay. (A stallion's nest instead of a mare's nest? There's one for the Oxford English Dictionary to consider.) The loft space had a tall clearance; after all, hay had to be tossed down from there, which is not something one can do easily if hunched over. Seated comfortably, still clad in just his shorts, Emmanuel smiled at me and indicated a section of blanket near him. "Room for one more."

"One and a half?" I asked, patting my belly.

"None of that, Gavin." He raised an eyebrow at me in something akin to a threatening look. "You're exactly the size and shape that a healthy bear should be, so unless you're hiding some major medical condition..."

"None that I know of, and no worried doctors in my medical portfolio." I smirked a bit, settled myself onto the blanket, looking into his eyes. "Right then," I offered. "All comfy and ready to listen."

Emmanuel let his gaze soften, and he smiled a little. "Mostly, I wanted to say thank you," he said. "I know we've got a lot to work out, but I really think we can. And that includes..." Again, he paused, seemed to gather his thoughts. "Do you remember what you told me Friday night?"

"About what, in particular?"

"About relationships. How you and I began as manedresser and client, then became friends... and if things work out, we might even be boss and worker."

"Nothing so formal, I hope."

"I'll still have a lot to learn, despite being an equine myself." His voice held no self-deprecation or false modesty. He spoke with a directness that, I realized, I'd begun to expect from him. "I'm sure Brady and Boyce will help guide me, and you too. I'm not sure I'd be able to learn to ride..."

"I have every confidence, Emmanuel. We'll take it in proper steps, just as you wish. I think everything will work it out just fine."

"Gavin, I also want you to know that I'm still keeping those other questions open. The things we talked about this morning, about making this a working ranch." As he had this morning, he held up a forestalling finger. "I've had some more ideas, and like the details of my working here, they don't need to be decided tonight. I just wanted you to know that there are some possibilities that we could talk about."

"You're quite persistent!" I chuckled easily. "Okay. It's supposed to be a good sign when an employee finds ways to make the business better, right? Let's hear it."

And so we spent some time talking about a half-dozen ideas that could be done with the stables that would bring in cash to help take care of the bairns, including things as simple as boarding a few horses for those who might want to own a horse yet not have their own stable and facilities. I don't know how I missed that one, as a few locals offered the service themselves, and it would be simple enough to accomplish if we had a good working team for it. As we talked about it, I came to realize that Emmanuel has been right: One thing that was holding me back was that I didn't trust Shane well enough to factor him into future plans. Despite his working for me for several years, I never counted on him the way I did the twins. Even if I fell on hard times, Brady and Boyce would still do their best for me, whatever might happen; they were as much family as the horses themselves. Shane was a good worker, but he wasn't family.

"Emmanuel," I asked gently, "do you think I've done right by Brady and Boyce?"

"Unquestionably!" The tone of voice and look on his face led me to think that he found the idea unthinkable. "Why would you imagine otherwise?"

"I'm wondering if I've held them back somehow. If maybe I've not given them enough say in what goes on around here, when the simple truth is that it couldn't exist without them."

"Gavin, they are very, very happy here." His look turned rueful for a moment, although I couldn't say why. "I won't embarrass them by telling you all that they've said about you, but I promise you it's all wonderful reviews. You've made it no secret that you love them, and they love you just as much. I don't want to make it sound like I'm pushing my own agenda, but I think those two would do just about anything for you, to help you and the horses. Or maybe I should say that they would do just about anything for the family."

I lay back on the blanket to give myself a moment to respond to that one. The rain continued, a gentle counterpoint to the occasional sound from the horses below. "That may be part of it. It really feels more like family, and trying to do more feels like... well, either like I'm trying to put them into the role of workers for a company, or that I'm trying to rope them into the family business or something. I don't really know what to do about it. I've never had much call to think in those directions, I guess."

The Pegasus lay near me on one elbow and regarded me with eyes that were far more wise than the number of his years. "You told me something else, Friday night. Something more about relationships. You said that the best way to tell if someone loves you is to see how they behave toward you. To judge by that standard, you love Brady and Boyce wonderfully, just as they love you."

"Gonna make an old bear crank up the waterworks?" I joked, or at least tried to. Truth was, Emmanuel had hit pretty close to home. "I still feel like I'm not doing right by them somehow. I don't mean that I'm actively mistreating them... other than making them work with Shane, perhaps."

"Cruel and unusual," the stallion chuckled softly. "But I think they'll forgive you that."

"Yes, but will I forgive myself?" I shook my head to make what felt like a particularly unconvincing grin hide away in the shadows. I had a lot to think about over the next few weeks. "I'll work it out. We'll work it out, somehow. I'll probably need your help."

"You'll have it."

I yawned, not entirely faking it. "Ready for a snooze?"

For a long moment, Emmanuel said nothing. I felt his gaze upon me until I finally looked at him directly. "Can I ask you about one other thing?"

"Of course you can."

His chocolate-brown eyes never left my face as he seemed to gather himself. "It's the other thing we talked about on Friday. About relationships. More intimate relationships. I asked you how to know if a relationship might be good, if someone would be worth taking a serious interest in."

I nodded. "You'd said back at the spa that you had a 'maybe' that you were trying to work out. Do you want to talk about that?"

"Very much so."

"Good. Tell me about her."

"Ain't no her."

I felt mild surprise. I knew that the handsome stallion had been, for lack of a more discreet word, "kept" on a few occasions in his past, but I'd thought his preference was for females these days. "Him, then."

"You'd told me that a long-term relationship is something where you and he have common interests, an idea of wanting to build a future together. Building a life, building dreams. That's what I want. Someone whose opinion I trust, someone who cares about who I am and not just what I look like. Someone I believe in, who believes in me."

"And he's like that for you?"

"I certainly hope so. Seems so."

"I hope I get to meet him one day."

"You already have." Emmanuel reached up to touch my cheek softly, his eyes soft-lidded, his smile gentle. "Silly old bear."

Part of me wanted to know how I suddenly became Winnie the Pooh, but most of me was trying to understand why the great stallion had leaned down slowly to plant a simple, prolonged, chaste kiss to my forehead. When he pulled back and looked into my eyes again, he must have seen something funny, because he chuckled gently.

"Are you okay?"

"It's just..." I tried again. "Emmanuel, I never... I mean, I wouldn't have imagined..." He simply looked at me, the smile on his muzzle and in his eyes only getting deeper as I dug myself further into confusion. "It's just so sudden, I don't..."

"Not so sudden," he said softly. "I said it last week, at the spa; you didn't catch my meaning directly, and I didn't elaborate. I said I might have someone in mind, but that I wasn't sure. I'd been wondering for a long time if I should say anything to you, but I never knew how to bring it up. I wasn't sure if you had someone, or if you wanted to be involved with someone. I wasn't sure how you felt about me, until I... until I brought up that other subject with you, and I saw how strongly you reacted."

He stroked my cheek again. "It wasn't some kind of test, Gavin; I hope I'm never that cruel to anyone, and especially not to you. I really needed help, trying to work things out. When you... when you cried like that, I thought I couldn't possibly talk to you about it any further, for fear of hurting you even more. And then you invited me here, and we talked, and you've shown me so much, about your life, about your heart..." He paused, gazing at me, into me. "Maybe I'm looking for more from you than just a job, but like all the other decisions, you don't have to choose tonight. I'd like it if you'd stay here with me, though. If you'll pardon my saying, I could very much do with sharing your warmth tonight."

Pardon the clichés, but my heart really was thudding in my chest, and I felt something between hope and terror. All the old self-doubts and impossible wishes came thundering back, as if the storm had returned, but the only sounds were my own pulse beating a tired, ancient drum in my head and the sound of rain washing the air clean outside. I felt myself trembling, wondering if it were fear or excitement.

"Emmanuel," I finally managed to whisper. "Are you...? Gods, what am I saying; you wouldn't have said all that if you didn't mean it. I'm just... it's been so long, and no one... no one's wanted..."

"I know, Gavin. I know." He smiled so gently, so sweetly. "I remember what you said about Joshua, and about being alone. I know that I'm talking about a huge change in your life. Mine, too... but that's what this weekend's been about for me. You made me want to keep my wings. You made me want to be whole. You made me want my future, Gavin, and I think that my future is here... and I want it to be with you. That's not a marriage proposal, mind you." His smile widened a little. "I think I've scared you enough as it is."

"No, you haven't really..." I smirked in spite of myself. "Hell yes, you've scared me. But you haven't scared me away. I just don't know what to do next."

He put a finger delicately under my chin. "I know what I'd like to do next, if it's all right with you. Gavin, may I kiss you?"

I swallowed, feeling perhaps the most powerful and irrational fear I'd ever known. I don't want to shirk responsibility, claiming that I didn't know what I was doing; it's only that I'm not sure what it was in me that finally allowed me, eyes staring and just on the edge of bringing tears, to nod my consent.

Slowly, the stallion lowered his head and touched his lips to mine. I had not been kissed at all in a long time, and it had been even longer since I'd had a kiss as tender as this one. Joshua's loving touch flitted through my head, and despite my near-overwhelm as the sweet affection of Emmanuel's attention filled me, I felt certain that the Pegasus would not have minded that he had made me think of my long-lost lover. It made the kiss familiar, not in the sense that it was like kissing Joshua, but that it was like kissing someone I really loved. That was an emotion that I had missed, so much more so than I truly knew, until this moment.

I reached up, touching the equine's neck with my forepaw, the feel of his caramel-colored coat smooth and warm under my pads. I couldn't count how many times I had massaged virtually every square centimeter of his body, but this was if I were touching him for the first time. I no longer sensed a client beneath my paw, nor even a friend; I was touching Emmanuel, the Pegasus himself, the sense of wonder that his mere being had evoked in me, and more than once. I remembered how I sometimes felt when he stood before me at the spa, that sense of something divine, that same sense that I had when I saw him fly only last evening. And here, now, the divine was in my arms.

We broke the kiss, and I felt my breath quickening. I stroked his cheek so gently. "Emmanuel," I managed to croak out. "You are your name, you know. Gods, how often I've looked at you and felt myself in the presence of something miraculous." He frowned at me a little, confused, and I shook my head. "Not just your wings, not just your rarity. Your spirit, your heart... I've hated this world sometimes, for what it did to you."

"Gavin, don't--"

"It's all right, sweet one." I sat up a little to kiss his cheek, petting his neck further as I felt warm tears leak gently from my eyes. "The past is done, and I couldn't protect you then or now, even if I thought you needed it. But I was godsdamned if I was going to let them win by trying to make you anything less than what you truly are. I don't want you ever to think that you'll be hiding here, Emmanuel, but I want you to be safe here. I want you to be all that you are. I want you to be... I want you... oh gods, I never could admit how much I want you..."

He leaned over and took me into his powerful embrace, his chin tucked over my neck, his body pressed against mine, the warmth and strength of him, his divine nature... yes, and mine too, I realized, my own divine nature, my own Self that I thought I had lost so long ago, had left on a shelf somewhere, had never risked taking back for fear that a chance at happiness could only have ended badly and made things worse. I reached up carefully, feeling the muscles of his chest pressing against me as he shifted his wings gently to let me embrace him in return. The feathers had a pale glow to them in the light that filtered up from the "night-lights" below us, and I felt a renewed wonder at the sight of them. I was free in this moment simply to gaze upon them, to wonder again at the feathers and how they slid over each other as they moved. I could lose myself in their patterns, more intricate than the iconic maze in the nave of Chartres Cathedral, where so many billion paws have trod across more than eight centuries. What inner mystery could I unravel by letting my mind wander those paths...

I was brought gently back to Emmanuel's presence when I felt him nibbling so gently at my neck. I let out a soft moan, my forepaws gripping him a little tighter, experiencing that delicious paradox of relaxing into the tension of arousal. He blew quietly through his nostrils, the air ruffling my fur, making me smile; I knew this language, I knew what the nickering meant, as clearly as the words that we used together, as certainly as I felt his body reacting to our embrace. I shifted to kiss him again, more deeply, more warmly, our breaths quickening. My paws moved to caress his neck, run fingers tenderly through his mane, to his cheeks, as we broke the kiss and looked into each other's eyes.

My heart in my throat, I asked, "Am I a bit overdressed?"

Smiling, the Pegasus whispered back, "I was hoping you'd think so."

He rolled off of me (it was strange, for a moment, to realize how empty I felt), and we doffed our clothing quickly. I smiled back at him. "I've got no towel for you to cover up with."

"Durn shame," he grinned at me, returning to press against me and begin kissing me again. I lost myself in sensations that I had almost forgotten. The hayloft, the rain on the roof above, the sheer wonder of emotion and discovery of exploring not merely another body but the totality of someone that I really cared about... again, Joshua breezed softly through my mind and heart, and I felt him smiling at me, blessing, encouraging, as Emmanuel's fingers combed through my fur, rubbed me, returning the favors of a hundred groomings and massages. I stroked and caressed the stallion's hide without even the semblance of professional distance but unleashing a sense of passion that I'd not let myself even dare to admit existed.

Time ceased to matter as we explored each other, simultaneously and by turns, sight, sound, touch, taste, scent, the richest palette of sensation, the colors and hues of experience that were as familiar as they were utterly unknown. I had loved males, but not_this_ male, and not in_this_ way, and not with this fever. I felt as if we could go on forever, and that gods willing, we might do just that. In Emmanuel's arms, I found the gateway to a future I'd thought could never be, made real in flesh and bone and feather.

Breath chasing breath, we embraced each other again, tightly, gloriously. I felt the heat from us both, the need, the wish for an end that would be our first beginning. "Emmanuel," I panted softly. "Please take me."

He kissed me, licked at my cheek, nuzzled my ear. "Gavin, I want you so much," he breathed. "How long has it been for you?"

"Quite a time," I admitted.

"I don't want to hurt you." A very tiny chuckle escaped his lips. "Pardon my vanity."

"We could try."

His lips touched mine again. "We will. When we're better prepared, we will. I want to, so very much. For tonight, for this moment..."

I felt himself shift over me and with me, helping me to rock back on my hips, but only a little. I felt my length pressed against my belly as his stallion's pride slid along my damp fur and, as he lay atop me once again, his own lather-moist hide brought new sensations as our members touched, held close between us. Emanuel nickered low and long, eyes closed, as he began to move, sliding his length atop, aside, along, our steaming bodies and impassioned arousal providing the slickness that would bring us both our release.

Twitching, gasping, I reached up to kiss my stallion feverishly as he raised himself up, forepaws flat to the blanket on either side of me, arms extended, back lowered to help his hips press harder against me. My forepaws rubbed his firm chest, fingers teasing the hard nubs of his nipples, as I panted, shivering in the buildup toward the inevitable. I saw his eyes close, the sweet grimace of desire on his muzzle as I whispered to him softly,yes, yes, oh please yes... I felt his body move more quickly, knew the trembling that was both mine and his, and then, oh then--

His cry was barely muted as I felt the heat of his seed splash against me, his muscles straining, and his wings, oh gods of all, his wings, the sudden unfurling, the expanse, the rush of wind from their explosive, triumphant, silent cry of ecstasy, a proclamation of air and rapture and divinity. I gripped his shoulders tightly, grunting out my own euphoric release, coating our bellies and chests further as he collapsed against me, spent, fulfilled, glorious, his wings still expanded and resting around us like the protection of a seraph, the safety of light, passion, purity.

Only after very long moments did our breath finally slow. I pet his head and neck, his white-gold mane wet and plastered against his coat. "Thank you," I whispered.

"And you," he replied softly. He managed a weak chuckle. "Guess we didn't frighten the horses after all."

"Too much love in the air. If I may call it that."

"I'll be disappointed if you don't."

I kissed his cheek softly. "Emmanuel... there's so much I want to say, and I don't know if I really want to use words right now."

"It's okay if you don't." He nuzzled my neck as if to prove it.

"Just a few." I took his face gently into my paws and looked deeply into his eyes. "Choices come in two types: Practical and fundamental. The practical choices are the ones that need details and plans -- your work here, expanding the stables, all of that. The fundamental choices are what make our lives what they are." I brushed a thumb against his cheek, smiling. "Details later. Just know that, as of right now, I want you in my life forever."

The great Pegasus, his wings shifting a little, blinked at me. As I watched, I saw tears form gently and drop from his eyes. He smiled and whispered, "Forever is a long time."

"We'd better rest up a bit for it, eh?"

Sealing the choice with a kiss, my beautiful stallion lay beside me, curled up close and warm, the sound of the soft, steady rain lulling us into a perfect, unbroken sleep...

...to be continued