Serenifi: The Video Game: Cutscene Script Part 2
Halfway through game:
(Cut to Lexi Bunny.)
Lexi: Look what has happened!
(Cut to Pandora Coyote sleeping, before Montana Max approaches, and randomly walks around the room as he speaks.)
Montana: In the darkest nightmare hour, when not moon nor sun has risen, I take Pandora in my power, I shall keep her in my prison. (Notices she is gone.) What? (Looks around, before noticing the coyote sleepwalking.) YOU are my prisoner!
Pandora: (Awakens from slumber.) HEY!
Montana: Silence! Gandalf-Dumbledore-Lovechild! Keep the cunt in chains!
Gandalf-Dumbledore-Lovechild: YES, master...
Intro to Boss 1:
(Cut to Serenity and Fifi and the rest awakening Pandora.)
Serenity: Pandora, wake up!
Pandora: Wha...? Serenity! Fifi! You've saved me! (Suddenly turns into goblin-like character.)
Fifi: Sacre bleu! We fell for ze, how you say, oldest trick in ze book!
Midtro of Boss 1:
(Cut to goblin-like creature.)
Goblin: You can't kill me! No! No! Nooooooo! (Disintegrates into dust.)
Serenity: Well, that was relatively easy.
Lexi: Look and see Gonorrhea!
Serenity: The goblin? We just killed him, his remains are righ... (Notices that the ashes are gone.)
Gonorrhea: Insert skeleton-related pun here! (Uses a wand to awaken the skeletons from some overlooked coffins. Turns to our heroines.) I may be hideous, but after a year of being frozen, you will BEG to join me! (Laughs while stretching his neck like E.T. In fact, let's just call him "E.T.-Gollum Lovechild" from now on.)
Outro of Boss 1:
E.T.-Gollum Lovechild: Not again! No! No! Noooooo! (Dies the same way as before.)
(The team looks around for a few seconds, before quickly redressing and continuing their journey.)
Between Stages 1 & 2:
Lexi: See how Not-Hampton captures Acme citizens?
(Cut to average Acme Acres citizen.)
Ghostly Voice: YOU LOSE!
(Cut to a pig in a jester outfit.)
Not-Hampton: Do you know what it means when you lose your last ruby? Or coin? Or whatever... Now you work for ME! (The citizen suddenly turns into a wolf for some reason.) Take him away!
Not-Hampton: I'd say your chances are a million to none! But let's have fun anyway!
Lexi: Alright. (Takes out pistol and shoots the porcine.)
Not-Hampton: (Deflates like a balloon.) Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! Lucky shot...
Fifi: Sacre Bleu!
(The body suddenly inflates.)
Not-Hampton: Now you see me! (Disappears.) Now you don't! (Reappears.) Now you see me! (Disappears again.) Now you don't! (Reappears again. Continues this routine for roughly half a minute before getting shot again.) Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! Your luck will run out...
(All the girls stare at the deflated body. Lexi then picks it up, before crumpling it into a ball, and shooting it through a straw like a spitball.)
Intro to Boss 2:
Lexi: Look how Armored-Soldier-Guy makes his warriors...
Armored-Soldier-Guy: (Holding an average citizen.) Worthless Acme Acres citizen... You must be HARDENED with FIRE! (Crushes him and blows fire onto his fist, before releasing his grasp, exposing a pile of dust.) Go and KILL! (Throws the pile of dust forward.)
Midtro to Boss 2:
Armored-Soldier-Guy: (His armor falls apart, revealing a weak old man.) Oh my goodness, this makes awfully no sense!
(The girls stand there for a while, and begin to redress, when they suddenly hear a familiar voice.)
Armored-Soldier-Guy: Now, you must DIE!
(They sigh with annoyance, and revert to their nude selves.)
Outro to Boss 2:
Armored-Soldier-Guy: (After another armor disintegration.) Oh my goodness, how many of us are there in this game?
Between Stages 2 & 3:
Mummy-Guy: (With cheesy Dracula-Esque music in the background.) For the dead shall rise... And the living shall be their slaves... They must be stopped! ... Rigghht after a little nap. You have no idea how many times I've had to rehearse for this bit. (Walks to a nearby bed, and steps in, before covering himself with the sheets.) Wait. Sheets are my weakness! NOOOO!!! (Gets disintegrated underneath the sheets, presumably into dust.)
Intro to Boss 3:
Lexi: Through the eye of Fat-Ass Cyclops lies the shrine of Acme Acres... Whatever that means.
Fat-Ass Cyclops: Hmmm... I'm simply famished... (Picks up a random citizen.)
Random Citizen: No...
(Cyclops plops the guy into his mouth and eats him alive.)
Fat-Ass Cyclops: Hmm... Tastes like diarrhea. Perhaps just one more?
Meanwhile...
Not-Barney-Gumble: Where ya headin' pardner?
Serenity: I'm going to fight Fat-Ass Cyclops!
Not-Barney Gumble: Don't fight him, FEED him! (Takes a bite out of a chicken leg.) Somethin' SPICY... Know what I mean?
Serenity: Uh... No.
Not-Barney Gumble: Just throw a bomb at him, OK?
Later...
Fat-Ass Cyclops: Oh, goody! Mashed Coyote for the main course! *Sigh* Who wrote this script?
Outro to Boss 3:
(A bomb flies into the cyclops' mouth.)
Fat-Ass Cyclops: Curse my affinity for eating! (Blows up.)
Between Stages 3 & 4:
Lexi: Holy shit! It looks like everyone's been taken to the Tower of Who-the-***-cares!
Judge: (He has a powdered white wig, so I'll assume he's a judge.) This is illegal, you know. Just thought I'd drop by and say that. Nothing important, I just felt like saying that out loud.
Baker: Hell with those innocent bystanders! My CAKES will burn! (Runs off.)
Armored-Soldier-Guy-2: You dare defy me?! You will DIE! (Takes out sword and prepares to strike, but then gets hit on the head with a mallet, causing his armor to crumble apart, showing his still-beating heart! Happy dreams, kids!)
Stone Minion 1: He's dead! Let's get outta here...
Stone Minion 2: Don't you think we should do something? Like, I don't know, bury the remains, or alert Montana, or...?
Stone Minion 1: Nah, we need a vacation in Paris...
Intro to Boss 4:
Lexi: Consider Not-Ralph-Wolf the most dangerous of Montana's minions.
Not-Ralph-Wolf: With this ruby... Or coin, or whatever... I replace your soul... You will obey! (Shoves a ruby in a guy's face.)
Random Citizen: (Howls like a stoned husky, before turning into... A bull dog. Yeah, you were expecting a wolf? Well, we're running out of bad-ass animals.)
Not-Ralph-Wolf: I spy with my eye someone who must die! Wow, we really like to say "die" a lot here...
Outro to Boss 4:
Not-Ralph-Wolf: I will not die! (Howls before disappearing into nothing.)
(Serenity and the others stand there with blank expressions.)
Serenity: (Starts laughing like a hyena, before looking at the others.) Sorry, I can't help myself... Let us continue, shall we? (Redresses with the others.)
Between Stages 4 & 5:
Not-Witch-Hazel-1: We have frozen the fountain of life!
NWH2: All that was good we have made evil!
NWH3: Let's make the place dark for no other reason then to show that we like darkness! (The whole area does indeed get dark, until a single light sparks, revealing the source to be from a flashlight being held by Lexi.) Oh! Our lovely evil is ruined! NOOO!!! (The three witches are levitated, then spin around and disappear, before the whole area is lit again.)
Intro to Boss 5:
Lexi: Shit! Drunk-Wizard-Gender-Confused-Gollum has captured Pandora!
(Cut to Pandora.)
Pandora: I'm not afraid of you!
DWGCG: HA! (Zaps her with his wand.) Then wait here until you are!
Pandora: (Being surrounded by rocks that she could easily move out of the way.) There goes my out-of-nowhere story-arc about being brave... Or some crap like that...
Outro of Boss 5:
DWGCG: NOT THE DEATH SPELL THAT KILLS PEOPLE! NOOOO!!!! (Burns in a camera-blocking fire.)
Between Stages 5 & 6:
Lexi: Gandalf-Dumbledore-Lovechild is dangerous... But how is that any different from any of the other a-holes we've fought?
GDL: Ready? Am I here? (Teleports to a different corner of the room.) Or here? (Teleports again.) Or here? (Continues this process until Lexi interrupts.)
Lexi: Oh, **** off. (Grabs a bucket of water and throws it at him.)
GDL: You've killed meeeee...! (Melts into a puddle, revealing his still-beating heart.)
Lexi: No shit.
Intro to Boss 5:
Lexi: Damn! Fat-Ass-Morpher is guarding the... Well it doesn't matter what he's guarding, but it's important to Acme Acres.
FAM: (Head of Wolf.) Whatever I see... (Shoots a bird with... Laser vision... Yeah, wolves have that now...) I shall devour... (Head morphs into a lion before roasting the bird with... Fire breath... Yeah, lions have that now...) Nom-nom-nom! (Head morphs into... A giant pair of faceless lips... Before eating the roasted bird.) Hmmm...
(Zoom out to show this very cut-scene being played on the TV of a live-action man with glasses. There is no way to describe his expression. He soon turns the TV off, and gets into bed, but not before turning off the light. After a few seconds, a thought bubble pops up from his head, revealing the scene from earlier, with the bird and the lips and all, prompting him to immediately awaken.)
LAG: AAAHHHHH!!!!!
Outro of Boss 5:
(Cut to Fat-Ass-Morpher exploding. Once the dust clears, we see a flock of crows flying out of the now-empty clothes of the tyrant.)
Serenity: (While starting to redress.) Got 'im!
(Zoom out to show this playing in the thought bubble of the live-action guy from before, who wakes up again.)
LAG: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Between Stages 6 & Final:
Lexi: My calculations say: "You can only win by falling." I wonder what that means... The first legitimate question in this game... Outside of "That old guy says we could beat Montana because we just found his house, so why couldn't we beat him when we could clearly see the house on the Google Map?"... I really do wonder what the hell that means... Oh, screw it, we're almost done.
Intro to Final Boss:
Montana Max: Join me Serenity Coyote and Fifi La Fume, and I will make you a spin-off show that will be so successful in ratings, that you will have the right to rub it in the faces of the inevitable haters consisting of both fans of the original "Tiny Toons" AND newcomers... You will also have the right to virtually ignore them through the episodes themselves... Or else, you will DIE! (Directly faces the camera making what I guess is supposed to be a scary face.)
Serenity: First of all, that's not intimidating what you just did, that's awkward.
Fifi: Second, zere already ees a show zat does everyzing you described. Eet's called "Teen Titans Go".
Montana: Oh, well. Then you will die after all... (Makes another "scary" face to the camera.)
Midtro of Final Boss:
(Cut to a big circle of nude females of various species, with a huge book in the center being produced out of nothing.)
Montana: No! Not into the pit! I mean, book! It BURNS! (The book is thrown anyway, and Montana ends up being sucked into it. For a moment, we see him in the book, except now, he is bald, and wears a grey shirt and blue shorts. The book then closes, where we see the text: "Cay-Low: The Bratty Four-Year-Old".)
Lexi: (While starting to redress.) Well, looks like he won't be pinching any more baby siblings...
(The book suddenly explodes, where we see Montana back in his mayor attire.)
Montana: You DARE bring up my show on SBS?! YOU MUST DIE!! (Shoots lightning from his fingertips.)
Lexi: OH FOR ****'s SAKE!!!
Outro of Final Boss:
Montana: Ha! The gags! NO!! (Gets bound up by leather gags and rope.) You haven't seen the last of ME! (Gets sucked into the book once again, only this time, he is wearing a yellow shirt within.)
Alternate Ending A:
(Cut to Fifi holding a cell phone by Pandora, which is playing a certain theme from a certain Nickelodeon show often regarded as "so horrible an abomination, that I'd rather spend a day in North Korea".)
Pandora: (Punches the phone.) Why'd you do that?
Fifi: We just escaped from Montana Max!
Pandora: Who?
(Lexi shows up on her magic carpet.)
Lexi: Well done, guys! Montana is once again imprisoned!
Serenity: Wait, he's done this befo...
Lexi: Come!
Serenity: Oh, who cares? (They all fly on the carpet.)
Lexi: Look! Already Acme Acres is returning to harmony! (Looks at camera.) Uh... Could you move down a bit, so we could actually SEE Acme Acres in its restored glory? (Camera looks down at the town.)
Fifi: Sacre bleu!
Lexi: As it is noted on the back cover, you, Serenity, Fifi...
Several Assorted Names later...
Lexi: ... Are the heroines of Acme Acres!
(A blond-brunette young male dressed in green pops up out of nowhere.)
BBYM: I guess THAT'S worth a kiss, huh?
Serenity: Wha...? Who are you?
BBYM: I won!
Pandora: Seriously who...
(Fades to black.)
Alternate Ending B:
(Cut to Pandora entering the interior of her house.)
Fifi: Pandora!
Pandora: You've saved me!
Lexi: Here's the traitor... Friend of my friends!
Serenity: Uh... There's no traitor, remember?
Lexi: I know... I just like hearing myself say that...
Fifi: (While putting on lipstick.) Merde! My mirror! (The mirror shatters as it lands on the ground, as a blond-brunette young man suddenly materializes for some reason.)
BBYM: What happened?
Lexi: There's the second legitimate question in this game... Wait, no, third...
Serenity: Let's just go have a celebration feast!
BBYM: Great!
Lexi: Whaaat's going on? He just showed up for no reason, now you're all laughing like stoned hyenas...
(Fade to black.)