FSE

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For all of the peace that it championed, and all of the good that was done by the Great Knights of Furope, the capitol of Lionopolis still carried a horrid trait, and it was one that couldn't be avoided; even the smelliest of lions, High King Nbowa himself could do nothing about the greatest power in the universe.

It was almost time for everyone to pay their taxes, and only a certified tax professional could save not just Furope, but the entire planet of Furth from utter destruction.

Yay! I did it! I made my first world-building pun! Oh, Joshiah would be so proud of me if he was here to see this.

"Uh, excuse me. Narrator? Could you please finish setting up the scene so we don't all die?"

Not surprisingly, it was Lan or Gren who made his request to me, the all-knowing and totally awesome narrator. After all, he was the one who was forced into this mess when he was brought out of retirement, and though all of the Great Knights of Furope would surely be involved in such a perilous quest, we have to preface this story with an important reminder: Lykanos is literally to blame for all of this.

" What?!" Lykanos the Wolvenmurr protested and cross his arms with untold indignation. "This is entirely Diz's fault! Honestly, he should be the one going on a quest to save the world! The Great Knights had nothing to do with this!"

The constant state of denial by the token wolf of the Great Knights was plaguing the rest of their order, and they were having trouble helping him come to terms with the fact that he was totally to blame for all of this.

It was the thought of Diz, however, that finally brought clarity to the quest to come, and a proper introduction to the quest itself, because this new narrator was actually pretty awful at his job.

"Wait...Diz! Diz the Indecisive! Perhaps he is the answer to all of our problems!" Lan or Gren suggested, as he stood up from the small, cheap, plastic chair that was brought in for him to sit upon in the grand hall. All of the Great Knights of Furope were gathered there under the watch of High King Nbowa, who was struggling to stay awake through a long and boring discussion of how they were going to save the world this time.

It was Huscoon The Recently Paroled (go read the other stories) who was the first to stand and challenge the idea. "Diz is barely able to keep himself in the form of a dog for more than a few seconds before he goes turning into a bird or an inflatable or a tree! What kind of use could he be to this quest?"

"He is the key to this quest, my friends!" Lan or Gren claimed. "And you said it yourself, Huscoon The Guy Who Killed Joshiah!"

"That's Huscoon The Recently Paroled, thank you very much!"

"Yeah...still not sure how parole works in this back asswards country, but...anyway...my point is that we're being charged with a light tax that we can't pay, right?"

High King Nbowa yawned and nodded in reply, since Huscoon The Recently Paroled wasn't around for that conversation. He was busy being tied up in the complex legal system of Lionopolis, and this story does not carry a mature enough rating to describe what he went through in order to have his name cleared.

What I can tell you is that he enjoyed every minute of it.

"Just like Huscoon The Guilty said, Diz has a tendency to turn into a bird! All we have to do is get him to transform into a phoenix long enough to pay our light tax, and Darkness will spare the world!"

"According to everything we know, there is only one phoenix," Atimist the Strong But Very Small noted. "And you can't just transform into one because you want to. This isn't some Willy Wonka style story!"

At the mention of Willy Wonka, Bluemoon the Overbearing perked her ears and tapped her chin. The idea of abundant sweets had literally nothing to do with the rest of the plot...

...Or did it?

"So, Darkness," she cut in, as she immediately began preparing her armor, and by armor, I mean her apron. "Do you have a taste for anything in particular? You can't collect your light tax on an empty stomach, I would presume."

It was a ploy of distraction, and it was just the break the rest of the Great Knights of Furope needed, as they began sneaking out of the room, one by one. "I've heard legends about your cooking, Bluemoon the Overbearing," Darkness replied, as he rubbed what appeared to be his stomach, though it was hard to tell, given that he was literally just an amorphous panel of dark matter on the wall. How he would have heard such about the cooking of a physical being was beyond the understanding of the Great Knights, but they refused to question it as they snuck out and stole Diz The Indecisive away with them.

There was no doubt that Lan or Gren had a plan for the constantly transforming creature, but no one else could be sure of what it was, and for once, even High King Nbowa was interested enough to skip his seventh afternoon nap so he could see what the zebra was planning to do.

**

In a universe that seemed to be filled with endless Darkness, there was only one entity who was so bold as to actually lay claim to the name, and though his presence seemed to be everywhere, taking up every corner of the cosmos, it seemed that he wasn't terribly familiar with the concept of cake.

Standing nearly three feet tall and decorated with tresses of blue icing and joyful, yellow frosting, Bluemoon The Overbearing was living up to her part of the plan. Her cooking was legendary in the lands of Furope, and though she wasn't sure what Lan or Gren was planning, she was assured that her famous cakes would be enough to make Darkness forget all about collecting his light tax.

"So, you've really never had buttercream frosting before?" she asked, as she brushed her paws against her apron, knocking some excess flour and sugar from her fur. "You must be from a very strange place!"

"Oh, I grew up a few miles outside of the Kingdom, actually."

"That...doesn't make any sense."

"Does anything in Furope ever make any sense?" Darkness asked, as a fingertip appeared out of the amorphous cloud of his body, daring to swipe a little of the frosting from the cake itself.

Bluemoon the Overbearing showed no fear, as she swatted at his paw and crossed her arms over her chest in a huff. "Have some manners! You don't just sneak tastes from the side of the cake! We have to wait for everyone to get back from their quest so that we can celebrate!"

"Their quest? You really think they're going to find another phoenix in time for their taxes to be paid?"

I'm not gonna lie, I don't think they'd be able to pull it off, either.

"Why, of course they will!" Bluemoon argued. She turned her nose up at her rude kitchen guest, and swatted at his paw once more when he failed to learn his lesson. "And if you keep that up, you're not getting a piece of cake when they get back!"

"Those guys are slower than molasses, and they've only got that silly zebra to guide them...and I'm pretty sure that they have no idea where they're going. At the very least, they won't make it back by midnight, and then-

"You destroy the entire world?" Bluemoon asked, bringing her paws to her muzzle in fear as she cut Darkness off.

"...No, they'll just have to pay an extra penalty for being late on their taxes."

That answer wasn't too comforting, even if Darkness wasn't giving off any sort of malicious aura. "And what is the penalty?"

"I'll just take the light from them, instead!"

"I don't see how that makes up for losing the light from a phoenix."

"It doesn't, but since I'm the only person who knows exactly how to make a new phoenix...they're kinda shit out of luck, and I don't really feel like filling out the paperwork to audit them when their taxes come back fraudulent."

Bluemoon the Overbearing had to bite down on the inside of her own lip to keep from cracking a grin. Darkness clearly didn't see her as a threat (and who would? She's such a sweetheart,) meaning that he might be loose with his words around her. He'd already said too much for his own good, since he was a stupid villain and a big, ugly blabbermouth who literally forced himself back into the story line.

And that's when the new narrator was fired, because he was terrible at his job, and he was slandering someone who hadn't done anything wrong. The rest of the story will be done in an entirely different style, and the people responsible for the original story have been sacked.

"If you would be so kind, dear Darkness," Bluemoon the Overbearing cut back into the conversation, "As to tell me the secret of how one might create a new phoenix? I'm so far away from the other Great Knights of Furope that I can't possibly be of any help to them, and I'm no blabber mouth."

"This all feels like some kind of a half-baked ploy to make me screw this whole thing up," Darkness suggested, as if he was self-aware of the fact that he was being written into his own demise, "But since you seem nice, I'll give you a hint: If the Great Knights of Furope can find a way to make Diz The Indecisive regress, after forcing him to ingest the legendary sauce known only as 'Phoenix Ass,' there's a chance that he will be reborn as a new, baby phoenix, and the world will be saved."

"That was way more than a hint. In fact, I think you just told me exactly how to save the entire world."

Darkness chuckled, or at least, one would think that he did. The sickening, shapeless form that he took made it difficult to tell just what he was ever doing. "Well, sure I did...but they're long gone by now, and it's not like you just happen...to...h-have a bottle of that stuff lying around, don't you?"

"I'm the greatest cook in all of Furope, kiddo. You really think my arsenal would be complete without the most extensive array of hot sauces in the kingdom?"

The plan was coming unraveled for Darkness, who extended a hand from his bulbous form to stroke what might have been his chin, in thought. "Huh. I really didn't count on that...should have taken greater advantage of that when I still had a stomach."

"What did you say?"

" Nothing! Y...your hot sauce is useless unless you give it to him, anyway! Hahaha! I still win, Bluemoon the Overbearing!"

Though she knew she couldn't outrun literal Darkness, Bluemoon the Overbearing still allowed her heroism to shine through as she ran over to the spice cabinet. When she flung the doors open, however, there was only a note where the Phoenix Ass hot sauce used to be.

"Thanks for the tip," Bluemoon read it aloud, as Darkness literally shadowed her, and annoyed her terribly by reading over her shoulder like a jackass. "Look to the skies in the north at the midnight hour..."

There was someone in the kingdom who could outrun Darkness, and they were already on their way to the Great Knights, carrying a vendetta against him.

**

High King Nbowa was working on almost three hours without a nap.

Huscoon the Recently Paroled hadn't seen a spreadsheet all day.

Atimist the Strong But Very Small was dying from hunger, as he was deprived of a particular and distinctive kind of black and white cookie that we won't name here because I don't have that kinda money.

Chutora the Momma's Boy sighed with each step, as the grass failed to tickle his footpaws.

Arcturus the Bolton couldn't sing another note, without some water to soothe his voice.

Lykanos the Wolvenmurr was being kicked by literally every civilian that they saw, as the rest of the Great Knights made sure to announce to the people that he was the reason that the world was going to end.

It was only Diz the Indecisive who seemed to have any spirit left about him, and though he was leading the pack, he clearly didn't have any sense of direction about him. As was his curse, every time he took a step, he went through a rapid transformation, sometimes referred to as a 'poof TF,' and every time it happened, the old legends say that you could hear Joshiah the Dead Guy laughing from his dumpster covered grave just outside of town, while Huscoon the Recently Paroled groaned with each passing transformation.

"This is truly hopeless," Lykanos the Wolvenmurr muttered, before he was kicked in the shin by a young child. " OW! These people have no understanding for my mistake!"

"I mean, you did kinda doom the entire planet...perhaps the entire universe," High King Nbowa pointed out.

Lykanos the Wolvenmurr had no reply to offer. All of the Great Knights of Furope were exhausted, and panic was spreading all around them as the onus of the world ending continued to dawn. They were each without their favorite things for literal hours, and after living such a spoiled life in such a grand castle for so long, they'd gone without being tested in any sort of a real way. There were only minor conflicts ever since High King Nbowa won the continent, and now, they were seeing the dark underbelly of too much time being spent at peace.

Only the truly insane, like Diz the Indecisive, could find joy and peace in such a tumultuous situation, and if not for the fact that Furope stories are always supposed to be silly, whimsical stories of breaking the fourth wall and ripping on people, this particular chapter probably would have ended on a much more depressing note.

Instead, Diz the Indecisive was knocked off of his feet by a blur, and only the cream-colored tip of a tail could actually be seen as he was pinned down, and a footpaw pressed upon his throat. The entire act was probably turning him o-

...Oh, right. PG-13.

He was probably enjoying the unusual treatment as the rest of the Great Knights looked on with confusion, but it was High King Nbowa who recognized the tight, dark clothing and the large, fluffy ears of Roosles the Desert Spy.

"Roosles! Have you come to kill Diz the Indecisive for failing in his duties as a guardian of the phoenix egg? Cause...if that's why you're here, you should totally kill Lykanos instead. It's his fault."

" HEY!"

Lykanos the Wolvenmurr was ignored, even as he rumbled a growl from the back of his throat and tried to act all big and tough, as wolves love to do whenever the situation is beyond their ability to handle.

"We can forget the sins of the indecisive one, and of the big, smelly wolf if we simply act fast enough," Roosles the Desert Spy confirmed. Ever since her assistance in the battle against the coyotes of Yotenheim, Roosles was allowed to hang out around Castle Lion whenever she wanted, and this time, she was there entirely as a plot device because the first narrator wrote himself into a corner, and the second narrator had to come and clean up the damned mess.

How convenient that the fastest person in Furope would just happen to be in the grand hall of Castle Lion while Bluemoon the Overbearing was discussing having the thing that Darkness was dumb enough to admit they would need in order to turn Diz the Indecisive into a phoenix, right? Am I right? Yeah. I'm right.

Diz the Indecisive looked nervous; or, as nervous as a rabid wombat could look, at least. His constantly transforming body meant that he would have to take a few more steps in order to take the shape of some kind of a bird, and picking up on the plan, each of the Great Knights knelt by his legs and slapped the bottom of his footpaws. Roosles the Desert Spy held the bottle of the sauce precariously over his muzzle and waited, as he turned from a wombat to a deer, then to a cat, and finally...to a pigeon.

"Close enough!" she shouted as she uncorked the bottle and stuffed the end into the beak of the tiny bird. It was almost wider than his mouth could possibly hold, and if we had a higher rating, I'd totally make a dick joke here, but instead, we'll focus on the acceptable PG-13 violence of the mistake that was made.

Diz the Indecisive was nearly drowned by the bottle of impossibly hot sauce, and his body and feathers turned a comical shade of red from the consumption...until he literally exploded.

**

The legendary "Fire of Lionopolis" raged on for several days; phoenix fire is insanely difficult to put out with mortal means, and water tends to cause it spread, kind of like oil...but worse.

Light carried up from the exploded Diz, taking the shape of a proper phoenix after all of the panic. Diz the Indecisive flew away in a herald of glowing flames just a tick before midnight, and Darkness, for all of his plotting, was left to collect the light tax as he promised, though at the cost of Diz the Indecisive, High King Nbowa, and all of the Great Knights of Furope...but he didn't leave, afterwards.

It was me. It was me the whole time, and I totally got you guys.

Joshiah the Not Really Dead took his place on the throne of Lionopolis as people ran around, covered in phoenix fire. Because the substance was a healing flame, no one was actually hurt or killed by it, but the unusual sensation of a cool burning left people running across the countryside, looking and feeling better than they ever had, while still believing that their fur was literally melting off of their skin.

Roosles the Desert Spy was the only one fast enough to dodge the explosion, and Bluemoon the Overbearing was still waiting for the others to return to have cake...but since they didn't make it back in time, the three canines sat in the grand hall and split it between themselves, knowing that there would be hell to pay when someone had the money to pay for an extension to this.