The sound of smashing echoes through the café like thunder, drawing the attention of everyone. The feeling of failure sinking into my heart as I struggle to hold myself together, my mind racing a million miles an hour. The mug of coffee slipped from my hands and onto the floor, my only means of making it through the day spread out across the ground with millions of little shards of ceramic, emphasizing my failures as a person. Each piece feels like a representation of what my life is now, pieces fragmented across a mass of empty space, like a jigsaw puzzle that can't be pieced back together, as if someone came along and cut off the sides of each piece. You can place each piece into the place where you know it should go, but it will never truly fit there, it will never fit like it used to.

It has been a long few weeks, I've been studying my ass off, rarely sleeping, and over-doing it on the coffee. It's been hard trying to focus, everything has been going downhill lately. I transferred into a different faculty, I've been sleeping maybe two or three hours a night if I'm lucky. I've been plagued with night terrors for years now, and sometimes it's impossible to get over them. So, when I wake up, I'm usually too afraid to go back to sleep. My teacher advised that I see someone, talk to someone about my dreams. Maybe someone can help me, maybe someone can push the dreams away just long enough to get an extra hour of sleep or so. But I can't talk about it with anyone, because when I do, those emotions come flooding back, those feelings of dread and pain, the suffering that I endured, it resurfaces and becomes as clear as day.

I hunch my shoulders, shaking the last sad drips of my drink from my fingers. My ears are burning, eyes to the ground as I feel the heavy stares of the other patrons. I should be used to fucking up. My depression and anxiety stem from several events that happened years ago. I suffer from PTSD, and it's hard to talk about those events with just anyone. I've lost a few people, and that always weighs heavy on someone's mind, but I can't talk to someone about this, not again. The last time I spoke about this was to an old friend, and he helped me get by for a time, before I cut him out. Before I cut them all out of my life. If only I was mature about it, if only I wasn't a stupid teenager, I might still have friends to talk to. Maybe I'd have some kind of support from someone, but I wasn't, and I don't. I struggle here alone through decision that I made two years ago, the only emotional support that I have left is my older brother, Chris. It's rare that I hear from him but occasionally we talk via text or phone call, but he's usually off doing some extreme sport in some foreign country, god damn adrenaline junkies. Me, I'm a college student, studying psychology. Originally, I started in journalism and digital media, I soon changed since I had no interest in journalism anymore. Psychology seemed more appropriate, considering my own fractured psyche.

I drop my bag down beside me and reach for the napkin holder, pulling out a large handful of napkins. I know the ladies behind the counter will probably run out with a dust-pan and broom any minute but the least I can do is mop up my fucking mess. I feel bad for them, having to deal with airheads like me, it must be so draining, dealing with useless people who can't even drink their goddamn coffee. I hear footsteps rush up beside and see a young woman kneel down beside me, wielding a dust-pan and broom just as I knew she would.

"I'm so sorry miss, I don't know why I dropped this." I apologized to her with as much sincerity as I could muster.

"Not a problem at all sweetie, it happens." She reassured me.

Together we cleaned up the mess fast enough that the people in line weren't stopped from getting their lunch for too long.

"Thank you." I said as I flung my backpack over my shoulder and handed her a twenty-dollar bill.

"This should cover the mug, and the inconvenience." She refused to take my money saying,

'accidents happen'. Yes, but at what point does it cease to be an accident if you're not being careful with what you're doing? At what point is it due to negligence and absent mindedness. I broke that mug because I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. I placed the twenty-dollar bill on the table to my right and walked out of the building, trying to ignore the murmurs still buzzing behind me as I escape my most recent failure.

It's about a fifteen-minute walk to my house from the college, the walk isn't so bad most days, but today the clouds are dark grey suggesting the possibility of rain. The greyishness of the clouds emphasize a depressing feeling, like something bad would happen. That might be just my depression kicking in. Seeing the worst in everything is a fucking burden, all I want is to see the good in something. Just once, I want to look up at the sky and smile for no reason at all. All I want is to feel the warmth of happiness touch my heart, just once. But no matter how hard I try, I can't climb out of this pit, this hell-hole of unhappiness and despair.

The time passes by fast and I find myself standing in front of my house. I get out my keys and open the door. Stumbling inside I kick my shoes off my feet and up against the wall, proceeding to throw my keys in the bowl on the little table to the left of the entrance way. I drop my bag at my feet and close the door. _ _

"My humble abode, small and comfortable and luxurious... fuck off, it's a dump. But that's what happens when you're a broke college student; the walls are falling apart, the doors are partially broken, and don't even get me started on the ceiling. This house is like something from a low budget

horror film. I can't wait to graduate and get a real job, get a nice place and enjoy life."

I walk into the living room and turn on the heat pump, and fall onto the couch face down.

"Why is everything so hard? Why does it always feel like there is a weight crushing down on me? When will it end? When can I finally forget the pain?" These thoughts run through my mind as I begin to let my heavy eyes carry me away into a deep sleep.

---

It was dark and cold, the rain smashing into the car window with such force that I feared they might give under the bombardment. We've driven to and from our Lake house in the rain many times, but this time felt almost nightmarish. Chris and I were sitting in the back seat of our parents 2004 Toyota Sienna XLE, whispering. He was trying to cheer me up by telling me his plans for us over the next three days. We tried to ignore our parents arguing in the front, but it was difficult. The fighting wasn't a common thing for them, but dad had downed a few too many and mom was angry at something he had said to me earlier after I accidently broke his computer, that I was the worst mistake, that I was only around because they wanted a play friend for Chris. Harsh words to hear from your father at the age of ten, but they echoed through my mind like the only words I

had ever heard. Dad had an anger problem and quite often vented it through yelling, most

commonly at me. We were just out of the city, maybe twelve miles out, the weather conditions where not safe to be driving in. Even as a ten-year-old, I knew that. But mom insisted on getting to the lake house to meet with Aunt Mel and gran, she thought the weather would die down, that it was just a rough patch. It never eased up, in fact it got worse, the rain cause low visibility and the wind howled so loud that it was hard to hear Chris who was sitting right next to me. Through the low visibility, I could see a faint light, and with each swipe of the window wipers it grew closer and closer, until suddenly it was right in front of us. A car driving directly at us, high speed and near no sight, it wasn't safe for anyone to be out in this, but we weren't the only people with a desperate need to get to our destination. But none of us would. Our cars collide, the glass shatters and slices its way through the car and the frame of our minivan crushes like one of dad's beer cans. Chris and myself shoot forward in our seat belt and hit our heads on the seat in front of us....

---

"FUCK!"

I sit up with a jolt, place my hand over my chest covering my throat grasping for air. Coughing heavily as tears run down my cheeks, the weight of that dreaded night fills my heart as I cry heavily, letting the tears run like rivers down my face and onto my shirt.

"shouldn't have fallen asleep Kaeylen, what the hell man?" The sound of the initial collision is ringing through my head, almost as clear as my earlier incident with the coffee mug. If only those idiots had the common sense to realize that it's not safe to drive in near no visibility, what kind of parents would put the lives of themselves and their children in jeopardy. Throwing it all away just to get to a stupid lake house, and for what? To have a stupid family get away from the big city. No, it wasn't something so simple like that. Dad was a man with passion for hunting innocent woodland creatures, and mom was a house wife. Dad was a misogynistic pig, he believed that mom should stay at home and care for the children and only the men could work. He wanted to go hunting for the weekend with Uncle Rick, so he forced us to go to the lake house in Utah. There was plenty of places a few miles from the house, and they went there and killed poor innocent creatures. That was the reason we were driving there for a weekend, THAT was the reason my family was torn apart, that was the reason death took away the only real stability in my life. Our grandmother took us in for next few years, eight to be exact, all through school we were to adhere to the strict ruling of an old woman who was incapable of looking after herself. Gran was quite fond of the daily consumption of a few bottles of wine. We cared for her more than she cared for us, how child services didn't take us away I don't know, it would have been better for us. Instead, Chris and I took care of ourselves for the most part, he took care of me and I tried to take care of him. Chris is four years older than me, and he is much bigger and stronger than me, so he protected me throughout much of our childhood. After he dropped out of year ten to get a job to help pay for grans bills, I was left alone at school with no real friends of my own.

After a few years of working, Chris found himself a decent job and took to extreme sports. I guess that adrenaline rush was his way of coping with what happened. I guess it's much better than the alternative, he could have easily been a drug addict. He always goes on trips overseas to do some insane extreme activity, he's even attempted Everest once, though he was unsuccessful due to his girlfriend becoming very ill. We don't get to speak as much as we used to, when he is overseas he sometimes sends me some pictures and a couple video clips, aside from that he will text me once every three or four weeks.

As for myself, as soon as I finished high school I moved to New York and began studying at college, I began in journalism and then changed over to psychology. I don't know where I belong, so I struggle to find an area that I'm interested in, but so far, the psychology is the only thing that makes sense. I

can't say that College has been going too great for me, I've made no friends and I spend a lot of time

alone in my house thinking about how things will probably get better.

I rub the tears from my eyes, the salty liquid coating my paw with a constant reminder of the pain that resurfaces nearly every night. It's like being in debt to death, you got your life but you will never be complete. There's always a lingering feeling that he will collect that life from you at any moment. Only one time in my life have I ever been able to sleep without the night terrors, and I threw that away. I didn't even say goodbye.

I lean over and look at my phone that was on the floor, probably from when I fell down on the couch.

"6:00pm"

"I slept for four hours?" I throw my phone on the coffee table beside me and rolled off the couch and onto my feet. I haven't felt this drained in a few days, I'm not sure if it's from the night terror, or if the lack of sleep is finally starting to affect me. I stand to my feet and stretch out my body, arms up high and leaning backwards, several loud cracks vibrate through my entire body as the sleep is shocked from my being. Relaxing my body, I let out a long drawn out yawn as I walk into the hallway to collect my backpack, end of semester means I won't be needing my books constantly packed. As I step into the hallway I notice a shadow standing in front of my door, my lights are off in my hallway and the only source of light on in the house is coming from the kitchen. As for outside, there are street lights that are barely illuminating the figure, I can't make out who it is. The figure moves slightly to the side and I hear a knock on the door, the shadow moves to scratch its head.

"Wh..who's there?"

"The ghost of fuck-ups past..." The low voice of the figure says with a sorrowful tone.

That voice, it's so familiar, I know that voice. I turn on the front light and open the door to see the figure standing there, the figures composure screams sadness, discomfort, the figure was a male from my past, a very good friend. A well-built wolf standing on my doorstep, his right arm reaching across and grabbing hold of his left and his head lowered. My heart sinks so deeply that it feels like it fell from my chest and into an abyss.

"A..Aaron, w..what are you.. What are you doing here? How the hell do you know where I live?" I stumble on my words, trying to find the right things to say. Trying to hold in the emotions welling up in me, holding both anger and sadness inside, the anger burning hot and the sadness extinguishing the pain almost as fast. His big green eyes are now staring at me, I can feel the emotion emanating from them. His arms slowly unfold as he tries to open his body up into a non-timid posture. "Kaeylen, p..please just hear me.. i.." Aaron attempts to speak "How do you know where I live Aaron!" I demand.

"Kaey, that doesn't matter... I nee..."

"Doesn't matter! Yeah it fucking matters! I moved away from you people and I..."

"KAEYLEN SHUT UP!" Aaron yells, his face filled with anger, his paws are now clenched into a fist.

I'm taken aback by the change in his tone, I've never heard him yell at me.

"Chris gave me your address in case something ever happened and I needed to get a hold of you, and this is close e-fucking-nough to an emergency. I've been trying to call, but apparently, you've become a snobby little shit." Aaron folds his arms and stares at me.

The words he said ring through my head, 'Snobby'?

"Your brother went on another trip overseas, I was supposed to go with him but I couldn't go due to work..."

"And how does that beget an emergency?" I say abruptly.

"Because our return flight was three days ago."

"Maybe he deferred his flight..."

"Kaeylen, you know as well as I do that he would contact me first, and I assume he didn't contact you, it's not like him to just not contact us. Kaeylen, I'm concerned."

"Aaron, I..."

"Kaeylen, I know you hate me... But Sarah, Jack, Tahlia and myself are going looking for him... I... I want you to come with us. And yes, I know how much you them, and you think you're better than us. But this is for your brother, so before you make your decision how about you stop thinking about yourself." Aaron unfolds his arms and slaps a plane ticket against my chest, partially knocking some wind out of me. "Just try it once, you might actually enjoy it."

That sinking feeling from before, just intensified. I feel like my whole world just fell apart and now I'm being crushed under the weight of every decision I've ever made. I take hold of the ticket, and his paw retreats, he stares me down for a second before stepping away from the porch and he begins to walk away.

"Aaron, I need something more solid than a gut feeling. Have you got anything else to go on?" I ask as I watch him continue to walk.

"If you're not there in the morning then I know your decision."

My heart sinks as I watch the strong confident Wolf get in his car and drive away.

I read over the plane ticket he forced into my possession. 'Boarding time 9:30am. Departure

10:00am. From New York, to Pulkovo International Airport'

"Russia!? What was Chris thinking?"

I spent the entire night worried, is he right? Is my older brother actually missing? What if Aaron is right and my brother is dead on the side of a mountain? What the hell will I do? After several hours of mulling it over, I decided that I must go. If there was even one iota of a chance that my big brother was in trouble, I had to find out.

I've packed my brothers spare gear that he keeps at my house in case he wants to do something in the area. I've packed as much as the airlines will actually allow me to carry, the rest of the stuff wouldn't make it through customs. I'm sure Aaron will know where to pick up some spare gear when we get there.

'Well, that is... if Aaron will talk to me.' He's right, I do come across as a selfish ass. I left them all behind without even saying goodbye, and I didn't even give him an explanation, I just left him. That thought stayed in my mind for a moment, 'I left him' I walked away from the one person that put up with my night terrors and hushed me to sleep every night, never asking for something in return. I left him, and he suffered because of my immaturity.

I caught a cab to the airport at seven-thirty, hoping that I could get there and have something to eat and maybe a drink of something, after all, I do hate flying. They're probably going to be difficult to spot in the large airport, the only one I remember very well is Aaron. The others are kind of a blur, last I saw of Tahlia she was eighteen when I met her she was taller than me with long light brown hair and blue eyes, she is a lioness with a heart of gold, which matches her fur.

Sarah had medium black wavy hair, she was tall and was about twenty when I met her, she had a tattoo of a rose and thorns across her chest. She always said it was to represent 'The pains that can be inflicted by that of such beauty', I'm sure she just wanted to seem 'Deep'. Sarah is a Wolf just like Aaron, in fact they look almost like brother and sister, her fur is mostly dark brown, however, around her chest and face she is a lighter brown with some white.

As for Jack, Jack is a coyote, he was always plain. He didn't care for being unique or outstanding, he enjoyed blending in and getting high. The only real thing I can remember about Jack was his chest and neck tattoo of some tribal piece his artist drew up for him, he was roughly twenty-one when I met him. And Aaron? I guess it's kinda hard to forget the person who showed up on your doorstep and yelled at you. Though I do remember him from before last night, his short brown hair his fur is almost identical to Sarah's fur, only his chest and face fur is darker. He has gorgeous green eyes, they have a way of capturing and relaying his emotions. He was always well built, tall, strong, fit, and smart too. He is my brothers best friend too, so he was a little older than me, he was about twenty-two when I met him, same as my brother.

A woman's voice cuts through my thoughts, "Kaeylen! You showed up!"..

I turn around to see a familiar woman running towards me, she halts right in front of me and extends her arms for a hug. Standing before me was a young female lioness, her arms out-stretched to me with a comforting aura. She's always been one of the comforting types, but it was strange, it felt forced. I remember Chris telling me that she took me leaving almost as hard as Aaron did. "Tahlia, it's been a while, how have you been?" I lean into her hug; the taller lioness pulls my head into her chest and whispers to me.

"They all thought you wouldn't show up, you've surprised us all."

I push away from the hug and look at her in those giant blue eyes, her smile fades and turns into a frown almost as fast, my heart sinks.

"It only took your brother to go missin' for you to actually talk to any of us. I can't believe you, I used to think you were one of the nicest people back home."

I lower my head and feel a tear come to my eye, these tears are becoming a regular thing these days. How the hell am I going to work with these people to find my brother?

"Tahlia, I'm so sorry..." I begin.

"Don't waste your time Kaeylen, we're only interested in finding Chris, after that.. you can crawl into whatever little hole Aaron found you in. It's your preferred home, isn't it? Away from us?"

'Jesus Christ, these people... they don't care about my side of the story. To them, I abandoned them and that's all they want to see. No-one asked me how I felt, why I moved. The things I went through back home. No, to them... I'm the monster who tore them all apart..."

I look over at the group of my old friends, all of them look pissed off at me, all except Aaron, he's just sad.

Tahlia turns and walks back to the group swishing her hair as if to brush me off, I obviously have no choice but to just bite my lip and take whatever abuse I'm about to receive from all of them, they all probably have something to say to me, and who could blame them? I slowly walk over to the group and smile slightly.

"Hey." I try to say with confidence, but I failed. I sounded like a little kid who wasn't sure if he was in trouble or not.

"Hey? Two fucking years and all you have to say is 'Hey'?" Jack snaps at me, his eyes stare right into mine, piercing my soul like a scalding blade.

"Yeah Kaeylen, how about a little explanation?" Sarah added.

Yet again, I can feel myself getting upset, being around them like this is a gut-wrenching experience. I know I made them all sad, I know I cut them out. But this isn't the time to argue about this, we need to focus on finding Chris.

"That's enough! All of you! Just fucking drop it, he won't explain himself." Aaron states coldly. Everyone looks at him with disdain, a lot of anger is resting in this circle of 'friends'. After a moment of silence they all begin to disperse heading off to the bar, all but Aaron and myself.

"It's been hard." Aaron says softly as he looks at the others from the group now sitting in the bar, "They don't want to forgive you for leaving them behind, for not leaving a letter, or a text. You just up and left one day without a trace. Chris didn't tell us what you were doing for three months after you left. No one knew why..."

"And you probably won't, so drop it." I turned and began to walk away but I was stopped. Aarons paw was holding mine tightly, his warm strong grip held me in place for a moment.

"We used to have something Kaeylen, we were so close... we... I loved you, remember?" Aarons eyes screamed sadness to me, they said everything he was trying to say. They told me how hurt he is, how truly sad he is. But the past is the past, I can't tell him, he will hate me more, the whole group will hate me more, it's better that I keep them in the dark.

"I was young, you were my brothers best friend and I didn't know what I wanted. You were simply something to make the days go by faster. I never loved you Aaron, you loved me. There is a difference."

I didn't think it were possible, but the sadness in his eyes seemed to grow, like an eternity haunted by the hurt I caused. I crushed him. With a few careful words, I destroyed him. Those words I said, they're the only thing I can do to keep him away from me, because if I don't keep him at a distance, I'll lose him too. I couldn't live knowing he was dead. "I...I..." Aaron began to speak, but before he could continue his sentence I forced my paw free and walked away. I could feel his miserable confusion filling the room, as if a dam had released the flood gates and flooded a valley. It was so hard to say that to him, and it's killing me knowing how he feels. What's even worse for me, I still love him, more than anything. I can feel everything inside of me sink, I

couldn't help but let rivers run down my face. As I let the water flow free, I sniffle, trying to hold

back as many of the tears and I can. But I'm dying, it's so painful to let tell someone you love that you don't love them, keeping up a wall like this to protect them. If that's what I'm even really doing anymore.

_ _

It's dark and cold, there is little to no light. All except the dim light from a strange source is shrouded. Its rays shine across what looks like a tiled floor, making the shadows creep away from a tiny path just far enough to illuminate the floor in front of my face. The floor is coated in a sticky mess and the odour is sickening, it's everywhere even beneath where I lay. The scent fills the air so thick, all you can smell is its sickly sweetness, the smell of copper, of the festering dead. Like walking past a sewage plant that's full of bloated animal corpses. I draw my paw up from its resting place just in front of my face and rest it on the side of my head, my face laying flat against the floor covered in this stuff. My paw is coated in something sticky, as I touch my cheek I can feel it cling onto my fur, the smell lingering and seeping into my nostrils. _ _

"What is this?"

I lift my head off the ground pulling all the fur from the sticky mess that coats the tiled floor, everything is a blur, as if I've been hit with a bat on the back of the head and I'm suffering a concussion. I look at where the light is coming from, through my blurry vision I see what appears to be a camera, a video camera to be more precise. Reaching out to it I place my right paw against the ground just to the right of me, my paw falls onto a squishy gooey mess. The texture of whatever it is sickens me, I've never felt anything like it before, and with this scent filling this room, I'm beginning to fear what it might be.

I Shift my paw somewhere else, hoping to avoid the gooey mess, but this time, instead of a gooey mess my paw falls onto a more solid mass. Whatever this solid mass is, it has fur and what feels like a shirt. With haste, I reach out and snatch the camera, using the light to illuminate the room I'm in. My stomach turns into a twisted knot so suddenly, I feel nauseous bile launch itself through my stomach and out of my mouth almost immediately. Never in my life have I seen something so horrific, so disgusting.

*All around me lay dismembered bodied scattered all throughout this small meat locker. Death, everywhere, nothing but blood and empty bodies. People laying before me with their inside on the outside, their empty eye-sockets oozing, limbs brutally torn away. The gooey mess coating the floor was blood, it was everywhere. The blood was a mix of somewhat fresh and old I can see bodies partially decaying and I can even see bodies that have what look like teeth marks. Body waste, vomit, everything in this room is an indication that this room, was meant for the dead. Some sick fuck has been collecting bodied, probably from hikers who travel out this way. The bodies in this room are in so many pieces it's nearly impossible to identify anyone. *

My knees give out and I fall into a puddle of rotting filth, my heart skipping beats and my mind racing. I lean over my knees, one paw holding onto my stomach as I try to keep whatever food is left inside me there. I drop the video camera on the ground and put my other paw on my cheek.

"All of this death, is It real? Am I asleep? How did I get here? Wh..where am i?" These thoughts run through my head as I struggle to remember anything at all. My memories are foggy, nothing makes sense, I can't remember anything that could explain this. _"Last thing I remember... was...." _

_ _

__________________________________________________________________________________

"I can't believe Aaron still has feelings for me after all this time, why didn't he just move on?" I sit at the bar just off from the rest of the group, smashing down a few coffee shots. I Really can't deal with flying, and since I'm not yet twenty-one, I can't drink. So, for now, coffee rush is the next best thing. I didn't get much sleep last night, after Aaron told me about Chris all I could think about what 'What if'. So here I am, trying to get the life back into me by poisoning my body with liquid happiness.

Behind me I can hear the others talking about the plan, about how we will follow the path that Chris was supposed to take. If Chris and Sasha took the track that most hikers take, how could they get lost? And how come no one has found them? There is no way Chris would go hiking in some unknown place without means to communicate in some way. Surely, they understand that?

I get up from my chair and walk over to them, everyone stops talking and looks at me.

"You're assuming he took the designated path, that he travelled along the road most common? Then you need to re-evaluate, you all know Chris, you know what he would do. If he was to take this road most travelled, don't you think someone would have found something? Chris has never done any kind of extreme anything without means of communication in an emergency, that's just common practice. Which suggests to me, if Chris is really missing and not just off getting his sex on with Sasha in another fun country, his lack of communication is involuntary."

"Is that so? And what do you suggest we do?" Jack said apathetically.

"Well, the only real thing we can do is ask about as soon as we get there and see if we can pick up on his trail, it'll be difficult, I can't actually speak Russian, so we better hope they speak English." "? ?????? ??-??????, ????? ???????" Aaron blurted out.

"What did he just say?" I ask.

"He said, 'I speak Russian Dumb ass'. We all do, kind of, we learnt from google translate." Sarah said.

"And what? You think that will get you all by? How accurate do you think google translate is?" "Well, it's closer than what you know isn't it Kaeylen?" Aaron said unconcerned. "Kaeylen Is right though, the chances of us finding Chris on the track that everyone else takes is slim. We need to see if we can pick up some kind of clue as to where he actually went. When we get there, you three check the local hotels and food stores. Kaeylen and myself will check the adventure stores the local law enforcement and national parks and wilderness centres. Maybe one of us can uncover something. You three good with that?" Aaron lays out the plan with authority and like always, the whole group are willing to listen to him. Aaron was always a natural leader, he excelled when it came to speaking to people and teaching them things. He's always had this amazing way with words, and I think that's one of the things I fell in love with some years ago.

After everyone had agreed and finished with the planning, I turned to walk away, not wanting to make anyone more uncomfortable than they already were with my presence. I was stopped by that strong paw yet again.

"Sit with us, there's no point in sitting alone. You just look like you're sulking." Aarons was looking at me from the corner of his eyes, like it was too painful for him to look directly at me; who could blame him right? After what I just said to him not even thirty minutes ago. I try not to look at the others, at this point I'm not sure who's more pissed off at me, them, or myself.

"Are you sure?" I ask in a whisper.

"Yes, please.... Sit.." Aaron responded with a hushed tone.

I pull over a chair from the adjacent table and sit right next to Aaron, the group didn't talk much at first, but eventually Sarah sparked a conversation.

"So, despite what has happened, I'm curious.. What have you been doing with yourself Kaeylen?" I struggle to think for a moment, I didn't expect any of them to ask about me, if anything I thought it'd be taboo to them. I can't say that I'm too sad, I'm actually happy that at least one of them is curious about me. Unlike me, they can't keep an eye on what I've been up too, I've removed my activity from social media, the only thing I use it for is to check shitty memes, and Chris won't tell anyone because I made him swear not too. Them on the other hand, I keep an eye on them. I

occasionally make sure that they're all doing well via their statuses on social media websites. "I uh... I'm studying at College here in New York, and I work part time at a computer store, building and repairing computers."

"Any new friends? Did you replace us easily yet?" Jack blurted out.

I look at Jack with sadness in my eyes, he's not going to let this go. He's always been one to hold a grudge and that is a scary thing, because he can get pretty hostile from what I remember. "No, I don't talk to anyone unless I have to. I haven't made any friends."

"it's been two years and you haven't made a friend yet?" Aaron questioned.

"It wasn't something I wanted, I didn't want to replace you guys... I wanted..." I began.

"Flight 466 to Pulkovo International Airport now boarding."

Aaron stood up from his chair in such haste that he launched it back into the person sitting behind us.

"Whoops, I'm so sorry miss." Aaron apologised profusely to the woman. "Alright guys, that's our flight, let's get this show on the road!"