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Finding One's True Self Part 38

By Xan Steel

Over the course of the two weeks we stayed on Travaina IV, things really started going back to normal for Tarina and her family. I'd have to admit, it was a complete change, but that was likely due to Tarina being very thorough in removing Cie's memory. They both offered to take care of the younglings for us so that we could have some time to ourselves, which I have to admit I didn't realize we needed until they offered. So we took their offer and headed over to a nearby motel. For being, in what many would consider the 'nicer part of the slums', it was a well taken care of motel. The staff was very friendly and the room was immaculate.

Once we got to our room we put our luggage down as she locked the door behind her. In an instant, I could sense her desire and want, which in turn increased my desire for her. I faced her as she came over to me and leaned in and kissed me deeply. My handpaws gently caressing her cheeks and neck. She, in turn, began to work on unbuttoning my shirt as I moved to her dress and slid it off her shoulders. She pulled her arms out as her supple breasts gently bounced. I slowly nibbled my way to her breasts and began to lick and suckle each one gently. Her moans were music to me as I felt her arms wrap around my head and caress me, as she softly spoke words of lust and desire. She then moved her handpaws under my unbuttoned shirt and with my help, removed it as it fell to the floor. I moved my nibbling back up to her neck, as she began to work on my belt and pants, while I began to work the clasps on the back of her dress.

It didn't take long for the rest of our clothes to fall to the floor, as I started to fondle her vagina. Judging from how wet she already was, told me she had been waiting all day to be alone. I gently guided her to the dresser and had her lean on it as I got on my knees and put her left leg on my shoulder, and then leaned in and began using my tongue on her wetness. Hearing cry out in pleasure was more music to my ears as her first orgasm came quickly, but I didn't stop with just one. I kept going and made her orgasm four times in total. She then pulled me up and kissed me deeply again, before pulling me over to the bed by my erection. I watched her get on the bed, on her handpaws and knees with her tail raised, as she looked back at me. "Come here big boy, and fill Memaw with your seed." She said in a sultry voice. It was at this moment I was completely under her spell, and I loved it.

* * *

I woke up six hours later cuddled up to her in bed, with the scent of our lust filled mating still heavy in the air. It amazed me just how badly we both needed that. You never really understand what it's like not having any personal time to yourselves when you have younglings. Though in all honesty, I wouldn't change it. I rolled over and looked at the little clock on the nightstand, 0300 it read. I knew she was deep asleep as our mental connection felt blissful. I rolled back over and gave her a light kiss on the back of her neck and gently got out of bed, and headed to the kitchenette. I laughed inwardly at all the times she brought me food after we mated, only to realize why. Mating is both fun and exhausting. How she manages to still have the energy to make food right after is beyond me, but that's just one of the things that made her amazing.

I stood there quietly eating as I watched her sleep, bathed in the glow of a nightlight. I wondered what my life would have been like if I had courted her first. She did start working with me five cycles before I met and courted Danora.

Danora... What to do with her and that situation. Truthfully I wanted to hear her side of things, but I'm not sure how I would feel afterward. I began to go over everything in my head. We had what I thought was a loving relationship, but apparently, that wasn't the case. Now with how things turned out later, and with what Helfligger said, did she cheat on me willingly or was she forced too. Regardless of the answer would I be able to ever trust her again?

The biggest issue was the molestation of Dilna and Frin. Did she actually do that? I sighed as I turned back to my food. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Then there's this little voice in my head saying, 'You can just forget her and move on with your life you know.' Yes, I could but I would feel empty with not knowing all the details, and my investigator side wouldn't have it. I suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around my stomach, and a gentle nuzzle to the back of my neck.

"Having trouble sleeping, Hun?" I heard Tarina say softly to me.

I turned to look at her, and smiled, "With you next to me, that's almost an impossibility."

She smiled and kissed me softly. "I should have prepared something for you before falling asleep."

"It's all right Hun, I can cook for myself, though I do love it when you do make something for me," I finished.

She leaned her head on my chest, "It's one of the few ways I find that I can show you just how much I love you." I pulled her in for a hug and kissed her deeply.

My feelings for her were very intense, and I knew she picked up on that, but there was another part of me that still had feelings for Danora. She pulled back and looked into to my eyes. She spoke in a slightly worried tone, "You're worried about how things will go with Danora." I nodded to her. "If you want I can go with you, this way I can let you know if she being truthful or not," she added.

I had thought about asking her to do that anyway, but hearing her offer made me think of something else that I hadn't considered before. I spoke in a sincere tone. "Tarina, there's something I want to ask you, but I'm not sure how you'll perceive it."

She looked at me with an intensity I had never seen before and spoke calmly. "You want to know if I'm manipulating your thoughts?" I swallowed before I nodded to her, as I watched her looks change again and became gentle. "No, I was taught early on that doing so, would lead down a path you could never return from. What you're experiencing is the result of our minds blending. Each time I blend minds with you, it gets stronger." She took a step back to use her handpaws for a visual reference. "You remember when you took me as your first?" I nodded. "You remember the words at the end?" she asked,

I spoke remembering the words, "Let it be recorded that Ohm and Tarina are of one mind and body."

She stopped me before I finished. "One Mind and Body." She repeated and continued, "For Derlenian couples, it's almost literal. The mental link is so strong, that personalities begin to blend together, as they begin to take on traits of each other. However with us, while the link is strong, our thought patterns in most cases are the only things that link together. So it will feel like I'm reading your mind when in actuality our thoughts are synced at that moment," she finished.

I stood there amazed. The things you learn about another species when you're mated to them, instead of never knowing, because it's never talked about openly. "Do you think you would be happier with a Derlenian Male?" I asked.

She shook her head no, "To be honest that aspect terrified me a lot when I was growing up, not to mention I was never really attracted to other Derlenian's," she replied.

I reached out to her and drew her into an embrace. "I'm sorry for questioning you like that."

Her tone was more positive, "It's all right Ohm, I knew it was likely to come up at some point. I just wanted you to know that I would never do that to you or our younglings."

* * *

Morning came and we headed out to see my old captain down at Central Station to see if we could get visitation rights. We got there and requested to see him, and he practically jumped out of his office to see me.

You could hear his voice throughout the office, "OHM!" He half ran over to greet us. "Goodness it's been too long since I've seen you or heard from you, and Tarina you are looking just a lovely ever." He finished with a smile.

Tarina spoke, "Careful Chief, Ohm might get jealous." She finished with a smile.

He turned to look at me in surprise, "You're together?"

I nodded before I spoke, "Five cycles now, and with the addition of three little ones."

He laughed and nudge me, "Still have it in you eh old one?" My ears folded back in embarrassment as I heard Tarina giggle.

We exchanged pleasantries as he walked us back to his office. I had to admit I missed this place. We had become good friends over the cycles I worked here, with working on various cases together.

Once inside he closed the door behind us as we sat down. Once he sat down himself, he spoke, "Now to what do I owe the pleasure of your company." He said to both of us.

"The main reason we are here is because I need to speak with Danora. There are somethings I need to know and understand from her," I said.

The Chief leaned back in his chair before answering. "Well, that won't be too hard. She is being held at Natures Garden Penal colony." I looked at him in surprise as he continued. "She been appealing her case every chance she gets because she claims to be innocent of all charges," he finished.

"Has she not been with a consular to see if her claims are true?" I asked.

He shook his head no before speaking, "Because of the Helfligger family is preventing that from happening." Tarina and I looked at each other for a moment, before I looked back at him. "You know about them?" The chief asked.

"Yes, I had his Twin Te'dar arrested on Valdoro for being in control of the Alliance, the fifth head if you will, and for kidnapping Tarina and attempting to kill her." I finished as I saw his look change to a somewhat more horrified look.

"I had no idea it went this deep," he said in a somewhat hushed tone.

I nodded back to him. "Can we find some way of seeing if she is telling the truth, that she is innocent?"

He looked at Tarina, "Is she registered as a consular?" She shook her head no. "Then you can take her in undercover, and she can meet with a consular after you meet with her," he said.

I then asked a very important question, "If it turns out to be true, that she is innocent, can I drop the charges?"

He looked at me for a moment before answering. "Yes, and at that point, she would be free to go. I would have to work on getting her records sealed, but that's not a problem. Are you thinking she is?" he asked.

I sat there for a short moment before answering him. "I don't know, but my investigator side is uneasy with not knowing all the details."

"I can understand that with having worked with you for many cycles. Thorough to the end, you are." He turned back to Tarina, "You are going to need to be with him the whole time. Never let your handpaws separate, and openly show your position in Ohm's life in front of her," he said almost as a command.

"Is there a reason I would need to show this?" she asked.

"Yes, it'll show the facility that you are without a doubt his first, and it should make her more open to you so you can read her mind easier." Tarina nodded in understanding, as he got up and opened his door.

We followed him down to the parking center and got in the transport. As he turned back to us. "I'll let the facility know you're coming for visitation rights. They'll likely ask what took so long for you to visit. Just let them know you've been working on a very important case." He finished as I nodded in return.

It took four hours to reach the penal colony, which gave the chief plenty of time to get things settled. We got out once the transport came to a stop, and preceded to head towards the main entrance. Tarina walked on my right side while holding my handpaw. Once inside we headed to the front desk. It was pretty quiet inside, and I could only assume that not many people visited here. As we got to the front we were greeted warmly by a male Sylurian.

He greeted us warmly, "Good afternoon folks, how may I help you?"

"I'd like to visit with Danora Engilnes please." I tried her maiden name first to see if she had changed it back.

"I'm sorry, but we only have a Danora Swayer," he replied.

So she never changed her name back. "That would be her then," I replied.

"Very well, let's see where's she at currently." He turned from us, and over to a large view screen that showed the names of everyone in the compound, and their location. "It looks like she at the garden in the west end of the compound." He turned back to us and handed us a yellow card, "This card will let you into the garden area. Just follow the yellow corridor to get there, and use that on the door." He finished pointing to a yellow corridor. We thanked him and head down the corridor.

We walked for a good ten minutes down the corridor, until we got to the door. I took the card I had been given and stuck it in the door. After a second the red light turned green, and I heard a clicking sound, I then opened the door to the garden. As we walked out into the garden, I had to be amazed by its sheer beauty. A number of different flowers, colors, and smells was almost too much to take in at once.

'She's here, and hasn't been told that she has visitors, is that normal?' I heard Tarina ask mentally. I nodded to hear softly, as I started to walk towards the humming I heard. It was a tune that Danora would hum when she was happy, so I heard it a lot.

As we turned the corner of a fountain I saw her with her back to us, as she continued working with some of the flowers. The ground was soft and muffled our steps until we were about ten feet away. My nerves were on edge, and I knew Tarina was feeling it and tried to comfort me. I spoke gently to her, "Hello Danora." Her humming stopped immediately as I watched her body freeze and become rigid.

She spoke softly but in a surprised tone, "Ohm?" She turned slowly to look at where the voice had come from. "It really is you." She said as she stood up and then noticed Tarina standing at my right, and holding my handpaw.

I could see that she was taken back by this as I watched her demeanor change from somewhat happy, to a depressed state. Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke, "Y, You've already taken a, another first."

I nodded to her before speaking softly. "Yes, though, if I'm honest. I wasn't looking to be in another relationship so soon, but things just fit together for us," I said as I turned to look at Tarina.

Danora gave a short nervous laugh as she started walking, "Well, since we're being honest. You are fairly easy to please." Hearing her say that made me bust out laughing because it was true. It took very little to make me happy. Hearing me laugh like that made her relax more, as Tarina told me she was getting deeper, but still had not found anything.

"Danora," I began in a softer tone. "I want to understand what happened between us. I want to know if I had pushed you away. Was there something I did or said, that caused you to look for love in someone else's arms?" I said as I watched her stop walking. This is when Tarina told me that she was completely open, and to give her a bit more time.

Danora turned to look at me, "I was being blackmailed, because he knew that you knew who the Derlenian Progenitor was, and he wanted me to get that information from you," she finished in a calm tone. I admit I was shocked to hear this, but she continued after a moment. "After the first two months of this happening, I finally told him that I wasn't going to help him. This is when he hit me, pushed me to the floor and proceeded to, to..." She broke down in front of me. I knew what she wanted to say, as I had seen this look before in one other person. She continued, "I tried to fight him off of me, but he was much stronger than me. I cried out for help, but no one ever heard me in my home."

Tarina spoke up for the first time, "Danora, I know this is hard for you to remember, but I have a question I'd like to ask." Danora nodded to her. "I'd like to know who Mora is," Tarina said in a statement.

Danora gave her a confused look at the sudden change of the conversation. "Mora is my Te'dar. Why do you ask?"

Tarina looked at me and spoke, "She's the one."

"You're sure of this?" I asked as she began to show me with Danora's memory of Mora, and the memory from Frin, and Dilna.

"Ohm, what's going on? What is she talking about?" Danora asked in a nervous tone.

I turned back to Danora, "You know you are being charged with molesting Dilna, and Frin correct."

Danora's voice raised in anger, "I would never harm our younglings, Ohm. You know this, how could you even consider it!"

I looked at her for a moment to study her expressions and body language, and I was about to explain it to her when Tarina began to explain it. "It's true that Dilna and Frin were molested, but not by you. I've been gently reading your mind in the hopes of finding the answer, and I did. Mora visited you one day didn't she?" Tarina asked as Danora nodded.

"Yes, she visited me for a day. I asked if she wouldn't mind watching them for a while as I needed to go grocery shopping, and I'd be able to get it done quicker if I went alone. She said that was fine." Danora finished.

Tarina walked over to her with me in tow. She gently stroked her cheek and neck before she spoke. "Forgive, but want I'm about to show you is what happened after you left, from both Dilna and Frin's perspective. It's going to be painful to watch." Danora looked at me as I nodded in return. I watched Tarina draw her in, and put their foreheads together. It didn't take long as I watched Danora began to deeply weep. Once it was over I pull her over to me into a hug and held her tightly.

Danora spoke softly through her tears, "I'm such a failure. Now I know why you left me. It's all my fault."

"Stop it!" I said almost as a command, causing her to look up at me, and see my own tears of pain. "We didn't know this would happen. We didn't know the evils of these two. But now we can make it right." She nodded to me as let go of her and pulled out my handheld communicator.

"Ohm glad to hear from you, everything going all right?" the chief asked. I filled him in on what was discovered by Tarina, and then informed him that I was dropping all charges against Danora. He told me that Tarina would need to come down to the precinct, and inform the counselor on what she discovered. He then said that our old house was off limits, as it was considered evidence. I told him was fine as we had other places we could stay at for the time being.

* * *

Six hours later we were back at the motel with Danora, and it was easy to see her uneasiness with being with us. After we got settled she spoke. "You didn't have to bring me back here, as I don't want to be a burden on you two."

I walked back over to her and had her stand and look at me. "I was actually wondering if you would consider being my second?"

Tarina walked over and took one of her handpaws into hers. "I've gotten to know you through Ohm over the cycles when we blend minds together. He loves you a great deal and wants you apart of his, and the younglings life again. Plus I would be honored to have you as a first."

Danora looked at the both of us for a moment unsure what to say. She spoke after a while, "I don't, I don't know what to say. I never expected to leave the penal colony," she replied. She stepped back and turned from us to look out the window before continuing, "I'm going to miss that garden I had been working on all this time. It gave me a level of comfort I needed after everything that happened." She turned back to look at us, but I could she wasn't ready. "I'm sorry but with everything I've been through I need time to think about this."

I spoke in a slightly sad tone, but I understood where she was coming from. "I understand."

"Could you take me to my elders home, please?" she asked. I nodded to her as she went outside to my transport.

Tarina held me back for a moment. "She's scared and upset hun. She doesn't want to be your second, but with what's happened she understands why she would lose her place as first. It just hurts is all," she finished in a concerned tone.

I leaned in a kissed her softly, "It'll take time, but I'm sure she'll come around. If anything, I know she'll talk with her elders about it." I kissed her again and left to take Danora home.

* * *

The ride started off quiet between us, as I drive to her elder's house. Then out of the blue, she asked how I met Tarina. I held no secrets with her, even now that hadn't changed, but I also made sure that I didn't say anything that would cause her more pain.

By the end of the trip we were both laughing at old memories we shared, and it felt good. I pulled into the driveway of her elders home and powered down the transport. I then looked at her and held her handpaw. "Danora, I know it's been rough and I know there's still some pain you're holding on to, but I want you to know that I'm serious about wanting you back, and not just for Dilna and Frin's sake," I said in a gentle tone.

She looked at me and smiled. "I know Ohm, but losing my place as your first hurt, and I know I have no right to ask for it back with what I did. Even though I did it to protect you and the younglings, after I gave birth to them," she dried her eyes before continuing. "I know that they're not yours genetically, but I'm happy you still accepted them. You're a good male Ohm, and I honestly don't deserve to be a mate to you or a memaw to them," she finished as she started to weep.

I pulled her into a hug and held her tightly. "I felt the same way when I discovered what had happened to them. I felt like a failure for not protecting them. I felt like I didn't deserve to be their pawpaw." I paused for a moment as she leaned back to look at me. I knew she could see my tears, and I let her wipe them away gently.

She spoke again in a softer tone. "We are both hurt by this. We've had our family torn apart."

"Even though I know it won't be the same, I still want our family to be together. So please, give it serious thought." I gently pleaded with her. I watched her nod as she leaned in and kissed my cheek. I then saw her jump as she looked passed me. I turned to look and saw Erail and Ariel standing there.

"We just got the news about you and Mora," Ariel said in a surprised tone.

They welcomed us inside, as we began to explain everything to them. It was a long night, but things were finally coming to and end. At the end of the second week, Danora paid us a visit at the motel and accepted to be my second, and Tarina's first. Explaining things to Dilna and Frin didn't turn out so hard once Tarina showed them the difference between Danora and Mora. It was a tearful reunion, but seeing the healing process start was honestly a beautiful thing.