Assumptions

By Avin Telfer

"Dude, what if he scores a home run right now?"

"Then I'll miss it," I said climbing over him.

Despite spending so much money on these tickets, I'm gonna miss more of this game than I would at home. I can't wait any longer, I have to go. Thanks to Chris insisting we buy the pitcher of beer, I've been holding it in all inning.

After that last out, now is my chance. One out left in the inning, nobody on bases, and freakin' Mark Mologan up to bat. He is one of the worst hitters of the entire Flyer's roster. If I leave after the last out, I'll never get through the bathroom line in time. The Flyer's are down one, but it's only the 5th inning. I'm not going to miss much by skipping Mark getting struck out.

I'm not saying that because he's a mouse or anything. But statistically, it's still true. As I walk down the steps and turn towards the exit, I see a mouse family giving me a bit of the stink eye. I feel bad, it was a big deal that Mark Mologan was the first mouse on the Flyer's team in franchise history. He has faced way too much prejudice from fans and fellow players.

Besides holding my crotch and bouncing down the steps like a cartoon character, I don't know if there is any way for me to communicate "I'm not leaving because the mouse is up to bat. I just gotta pee!"

I do notice though that once I get into the tunnel, the others around me are all super-buff macho stags, bulls, and wolves. Again, not to be judgmental or stereotype the local jock, but they're talking and laughing loudly and don't seem to give a shit about the game. Are these people in the same situation as me, or are they still participating in that same speciest garbage and walking out of the game whenever somebody from a species they didn't like comes up to bat?

Maybe I should have waited. I push the thought out of my mind as I look for the restroom sign. Right after I find it, I overhear from the loud speaker "Strike one!"

Luckily, there is barely anyone in the bathroom, and I stand at the urinal between two bulls. As a slender fox, I'm probably about half their weight and stand about a foot shorter than either of them. They don't seem even to notice and continue their conversation with each other while they pee.

"Man, why can't you just admit when you don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"I can say the same to you!" the other smirks as he steps back and walks towards the sinks.

"Just meet up with her already! She might be really nice."

I try not to pay too close attention to their private conversation. After I finish I turn around and see the two of them blocking the path to the sink still in a heated debate each other.

"Uh, excuse me" I say, holding out my paws hoping they'll get the gesture.

"Oh, perfect. Help me set my friend here straight."

"I just need to wash my hands" I mutter. They still don't move.

"Yeah, you're a fox. Tell him how much of an asshole he is."

I look at both at them, and neither moves.

I hear the crowd above us make noise. Sounds like maybe a pop fly ball.

The first one seemed to take my silence as agreement from me. Either that or didn't care. "Look, it's simple. This fox we know, hot vixen, she found my MateHowler profile and sent me a wink. Then we started talking-"

"Because she likes you! Why else would she talk to you on MateHowler?"

"Shut up, we're asking him, right? Besides, I'm not saying she isn't..." he drifts off for a second, waving his arms in the air like he can't find the words to describe what he is thinking. His muscles flex as he does, and I can tell both of these guys must spend a large percentage of their life in the gym. That, or do some heavy lifting for work. They could probably snap me like a twig.

He remembers I'm waiting in front of them, holding my hands out still.

"Look, what do you think it means?"

"What do I think... what means?" I say, confused.

"You know!" He says, making gestures similar to how he did before. "Is she just, I don't know, doing one of her flirty vixen things you foxes do, or is she actually into me?"

I stare blankly at the both of them. Neither of them budges. I notice there is a rabbit behind me, also waiting to wash his paws.

"Move aside."

"What?" they ask.

I walk forward, pressing my paws on each of their arms pushing them aside and finally walking past them. They realize, probably for the first time, they were in our way. A small line walks past them and to the empty sinks.

After I finish drying my hands, I notice both of them looking at their arms where I just touched them. They're standing on either side of the bathroom now, and as I walk past them I turn around.

"I don't know if you know this, but not all foxes know each other."

They start to interrupt me, but I hold up my paw and wait for them to shut up before I continue.

"I have no idea what your fox friend is like, what she said to you, or what she might have meant. But, I can give you this bit of general advice."

I let the rabbit walk past me before continuing.

"Don't date her. Not because she's leading you on or anything. I don't know. But I do know that based on my last few minutes with you, she probably deserves better."

Their eyes go wide, and a smile grows on my face. I turn around and walk out of the bathroom.

They both follow me and try to stammer out something about how rude I was to them. I can't fully make it out through the roar of the crowd. The loudspeaker announcement a moment later is barely audible.

"Home run!!!"