FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Most folks say they want to change the world without knowing what that means. Hell, I'm just a mutt, and I get that. I always had the idea that you needed to start narrow to make a difference. Find out what you're best at, milk the shit out of that skill and make waves in whatever way you can. But when world turned into worlds when we started colonizing space and terraforming planets, complicated stuff only got more god-damn complicated. Being a middle man got real cozy.

That's what I'm best at, by the way--being a middle man. I'll do the boring shit people don't want to do. The inter-planetary military's bureaucracy only seemed like a natural choice for me since it was a bloated, overfunded program. All-around, I was pretty average. I have papers that say that, so it's all official. But I never had dreams about being an outlier mentally or physically. Those are generally for the people who go crazy when they find out being special doesn't mean the world takes a shining to your new ideals.

But, then again, maybe when you're used to being treated well, you never learn how to make people like you. It made me think about my first day arriving here.

That day, I could tell my new senior officer liked me even though I was new. Sergeant Mitchell was a burly white wolf with sharp features who looked a little too snug in his uniform. It was unbuttoned at the collar, which was hardly acceptable for his rank, but considering we were at an agriculture pod out in the boondocks on Mars, we weren't gonna be going exactly by the book. There was a smoky, earthy scent to him, so he definitely smelled more like a worker than a military officer. From his desk, I could see his harsh gaze look over his tablet, sliding text with his fingers as he stared back to me.

He grunted softly. "Says you do everything you're told, soldier."

"That's the in the job description, sir. I cut the lip and get what needs done, doing."

The wolf's eyebrows arched as if I had said something incredibly stupid and that he wasn't terribly surprised.

"Well, that's fine and all. But I have to warn you-- this isn't basic combat training. These are the barracks. I'm your officer. More often than you think it's going to be boring as hell out here. That's comforting if you don't want a piece of shrapnel tearing off your ear, I suppose, but this isn't the place to stay in if you're seeking glory. Not like you can easily change your mind at this point, but I don't want to give you the wrong kind of expectations."

He had me on that. It had taken a year in cryosleep to get me out here, and my passenger ship had just awakened me yesterday. I was still sore in places, and it's weird to think about losing that much time for a job. Technology is amazing, I suppose, but it's not compassionate to the sentimentality of people. One of my ears flicked I nodded. "I'm more of a desk man myself. Don't have to sell me on the point that there isn't much action out here."

"Well, shit." The wolf grinned ear to ear. He looked me up and down, slowly. "No shame in admitting that it sucks to suck." He coughed a little, and I felt an odd tingling at the back of my neck. It really was a different world out here compared to basic training.

"I never thought I'd be shooting storm troopers, sir."

"You'd more likely be the storm trooper, soldier, but that's not even the gist of it here." He summoned a hologram plane with the flick of his fingers and pressed a few things on it which glowed yellow. "We're not fancy in any meaning of the word. Daily exercise is part of our routine. Maintain the cleanliness of the barracks alongside the rest of the troops. There's a few other things you have to do as well." He made a rustling noise as he stood out of his chair. "Ready to meet the boys?"

"Yes sir!"

"That's the tone I like to hear. Leave your stuff for here, for now, and come along." He strode toward and grasped me on the shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. There was something off about it. His grip intimidated me a little, which might have been the true purpose of it all.

He led me down a series of tunnels. I could see Mars outside. There were baobab trees springing from the red dirt and I could see a few shadows in a stream. Mitchell pressed a few buttons on a key pad and a hexagonal door opened to a white room with bunk beds which had navy blue and orange sheets.

Looked like we were a small group. Five of the other men, all canines like me, except for the fox, were standing next to their bunks. I could tell they were trying to look intimidating but each had this shit-eating-grin to them which looked more like they had been smoking pot rather than preparing for any kind of official nicety. I didn't want to judge, and hell, I'd probably be in on the smoking in due time. Still, it didn't sit right when I compared the severity and formality of my basic training to this.

Sergeant Mitchell closed the door behind me and nodded to a yellow lab at the opposite end of the sleeping hall. He closed the door on the opposite end and punched in another code into a pad, which sealed the windows shut. That was more than a little jarring, especially compared to everybody else's casual demeanor.

"Everybody, this is private Holiday. I've told you all about him. He's dutiful and easy to get along with, so make it your priority to get along with him." The wolf stood in front of me and put his huge hands on my shoulder.

"Go ahead and get on your knees, soldier."

I blinked, knowing what I heard, but I wasn't processing it yet.

"Sir?" I asked, feeling more than a little dazed. The other men were crowding around me.

"I did not stutter, Holiday. If you aren't on the ground on your own accord, pronto, this will be a huge waste of our time." There was a smoothness to Mitchell's voice that wasn't there moments ago. He sounded more like a lawyer than a drill sergeant now: steady, confident, and a steadfast in the natural sensibility in his own words.

I swallowed, and nodded, feeling my pointy ears splay to the back of my head reflexively. My tail was between my legs and everybody around me snickered. This might be some kind of test and I didn't want to get reported for subordination at my first real post in the outside world.

The wolf unceremoniously unbuckled his belt and slid it off along with his pants. He revealed matted white fur on his thick legs. It smelled like he had been jogging. His breath was hot, and he leaned so close to me that I could smell something new on him: unmistakable arousal. I might've picked up on that earlier if he hadn't been wearing what was likely a special deodorant.

"You're confused, so I'm going to make this easy to understand." There was the strangest mixture of intimidation and admiration in Mitchell's tone. "We're in a volatile situation, soldier. There's a fairly... let's say, unfriendly man named Lord Darius who owns this patch of Mars. Not that he owns the property, mind you, but he owns the loyalty and trust of its laborers. They outnumber us 500 to one, and they aren't on the friendliest terms with them. They call us... Feds. 'Course, they don't give us much of a problem if we comply to demands."

I wasn't really thinking about the content of Mitchell's words when had his groin in my face. It was easier to imagine the shape of him naked than make out the details of where this story was going, and the former was getting clearer by the second when I listed over it. I could see the outline of a thick cock against navy colored underwear. His sheath wasn't small, and traces of that earthy, sweaty smell were ticking my nose. "Uh... color me confused, sir."

The rest of the men barked with laughter and the wolf scratched the back of his neck, awkwardly, but trying to express what seemed to be genuine concern all of the same. "I'm afraid it's complicated, but the gist of our situation here is that we're whores. We uh, sell our bodies to the town council to keep peace with the local... well, let's just call it a fiefdom at this point."

I must of looked like somebody pistol-whipped me. "You're telling me this unit doesn't have any authority over a pack of power-hunger locals? You must have the man power, the resources, the technology to make it clear how unacceptable those terms are."

Mitchell stroked his chin. "Sure, sure. But all of those things cost money, private. Technology doesn't exist in a vacuum, either. Do you think causing a violent upset in a farming patch on the boonies of Mars is the most profitable solution? Or do you think six gentlemen sucking a little dick to ease tension makes for better number crunching?" Mitchell slipped off the little bit of modesty he had left, and the exposed wolf sheath was planted directly in front of my face.

"Color me confused again, sir, but why is your cock in my face?"

"Practice, obviously." His reddish tip was poking out, and I saw a pearl of precome form on it then and there, milky white. It had that sharp kind of smell you get when you accidentally look at a piece of porn on the job and ignore it for hours, but the scent still remains. "We all fuck each other before we let you fuck strangers. These people aint exactly easy to please."

I scrunched my nose and scowled. He rolled his eyes and sighed. "They said they caught whiff of some bisexual at the very least in your charts so I thought you'd be a decent pick. Hell, half of us are straight and we got used to it. You're free to say no, of course. We aint gonna make you do anything you won't consent to. But there's really no polite or ordinary way to present these conditions." He winked. "It'll be our words against yours, of course. And frankly, if I were you, I wouldn't gamble on whether or not our higher-ups already knew about this or not." He wiped his cock on the bridge of my nose and the scent was so thick that I had to whine. "Wouldn't think that's a smart bet at all."

The yellow lab, who had been inching closer to me, had a slight look of pity on his face. But that was wiped away when he pressed his shoe to my groin. I saw that his dog tag said Kaplin. "Bets on how long this is gonna stay soft?"

"Five minutes," said a gray fox. His tag read Viddeck, and he was the most conservative dressed man here, not that that bar was particularly high. He had brown eyes and seemed to be the only man scowling.

"Fifteen?" said a cheery looking bull terrier with a Russian accent. He seemed like he might be the friendliest, but I wasn't naïve enough to think he'd be against this any time soon. His tag read Zima.

"Three." said a high-pitched German Shepard who was wearing no shirt. I could already tell he was a cocky fucker and he smelled the strongest of cannabis. His tag read Joshi.

Mitchell rolled his eyes. "You can already smell something on him, boys, it's not going to take that long."

I was freezing up. The insides of my ears felt hot, and I was starting to shake. All of this felt... well, mostly it felt really fucking hot. But it was wrong, more than anything. But it felt too organized to be a lie. It's not like I could take a break to investigate right now, right here. But Mitchell was getting hard, he had one of the best bodies I'd ever seen, and his dick was giving off the smell of heat. He needed to fuck. That smell was like a domino effect in a room full of horny dogs, each contributing a scent of their own in the small enclosure.

Mitchell was completely hard now, and dangled his dick in front of me as if he had already decided that I wanted it and he was going to tease me. It wasn't a bad cock, really. His length had a modest size, but it was as thick as a soda can at the base. And for all I knew, he was still semi-soft. His knot was just starting to thicken.

"We all gotta do some stuff we don't want to do. But the least you could do is like the part of it that's good." Mitchell's prick was between my eyes now. It was plump, with a vein running up the side, and the smooth, wet skin was well taken care of. I could feel my adam's apple in my throat while I swallowed. The tapered tip was dripping pungent precome and Mitchell's balls were sitting on the tip of my nose. The sharp scent of his taint sent shivers up my skin, and I fantasized about rimming his muscular ass, feeling guilty immediately after.

The Lab named Kaplin let out a whistle. "Three minutes indeed."

I didn't have a hard-on yet, but they could smell that I was hornier than concerned now, and, like clockwork, I felt myself start to slip out of my sheath.

"Give my taint a lick, private. Go on. Every man in this room has done it. You're not special."

I hesitated. I didn't want to give in just yet, or make the decision non-verbally, but my out was decreasing by the second. I was getting roped into it, and a big part of me wanted a band of fuckbuddies. These didn't seem like fuckbuddies though. This felt more like a business, or something illicit with... perks that should really be considered detriments. Had my record really stated "whore" all over it?

"Just remember, private, if you suck on my cock, you gotta suck them all. This is a team exercise."

"Pup's getting' wet near the groin," pointed out Joshi with a little bit of a lilt to his tone.

"Well, not likely he had much alone time to get regular release," grunted Viddeck. "Been a whole year in stasis, hasn't it?"

"Augh..." I had to take a breath of fresh air. I tasted the tang of sweaty skin and fine fur on my tongue, signaling my defeat. There was a hearty cheer throughout the room. Mitchell patted me on the nose first, and then then fit one of his digits into my mouth. There was that earthy saltiness again. When he parted my tongue with his tip, a pool of his slick left a sour trail as it snaked itself inward.

"Good boy," said Mitchell. He used both paws to push me off him, leaving a string of saliva that connected his cock to me.

"Big mouth for somebody so quiet," teased the German Shepherd.

"He won't be quiet for long," said the Lab. And it was true. I was already panting due to the sweat and the pulse of my heart. My trousers were starting to feel uncomfortably tight from the pressure of the tent, too, but I wasn't going to dare ask for any sort of relief.

I looked down for a while, watching the line of my drool break and drip to the floor. Then I felt Mitchell's hands around my neck again. He strapped something on. "Zima, Kaplin, strip him."

The Lab and the Bull Terrier each took one of my arms, bringing me to my feet again. My boner made a noticeable bulge in my slacks. When I was younger and in my grade school days, my cock would spring up and I'd have to hide it with a pack until I could hide in the bathroom and jerk off into the toilet. I hadn't felt this exposed since then. Mitchell whistled.

"Wouldn't expect something that long out of somebody so scrappy, eh boys?"

Laughter filled the room again and I tightened my grip.

"He's really much nicer than this normally," said the bull terrier into my ear when he started pulling my jacket off.

"Don't think Mitchell doesn't get any of this coming back to him too, my dear," said the Lab. I didn't really understand what either of them were trying to get at. Mitchell's ears twitched and he shrugged.

"He'll understand this as a favor in time." Mitchell clasped the hook to the thing around my neck. It was only then that I realized that I had been collared and leashed. It was black, and looked like fake leather.

"So Lord Darius is into shitty porn?" I said. That's when I covered my mouth. The gray fox with the sour expression seemed to lighten a bit when I said that. It was the first act of disobedience I had made on Mars. Hell, in years.

Mitchell didn't seem bothered. He gave my neck an experimental tug that was more gentle than anything. "He's a fetishist, Holiday. Why do you think I pick out only canines, private? He likes his, ah... puppies."

"Like pet play?" I said, stupidly.

Mitchell cocked an eyebrow. "You seem to know a lot about this."

"Well... I guess they didn't put all of my browsing history on my tracking record."

"At least not a detailed description," corrected Mitchell. I opened my mouth then closed it. If that really did have some influence why I was here, I was about to feel more than a little betrayed. But I had wondered why these barracks weren't as diverse as my time on the academy. I had trained with more than a few rodents, cats, birds, otters, weasels and reptiles there. Dogs weren't uncommon by any means, but they weren't this common.

"So Darius is into some shit, then." All of my new coworkers looked around at one another, nervously. It seemed like somehow I had turned things around on them. Of all the stupid it reasons, It came down to familiarity with niche internet porn.

"Maybe he's already better at this than we are," said the Lab.

My eyes widened and I raised my paws. "No, I'm not... I think it's kind of over my head. I never really understood pet play aside from... I know it's a thing." My cheeks burned. It was weird admitting to a group of strangers what kind of stuff was in your fap material, but it wasn't as weird as what was already happening to me.

"It gets embarrassing soldier. Let's just say the military is fucking us in more ways than literally." Mitchell was blushing too. "I need to know if you'll comply with this."

Slowly, I unbuckled my belt. My pants fell to the floor, and I could smell myself. I had stained the outside of my red underwear. "Okay. Let's do it, then."

"Might have bisexual tendencies?" grumbled the gray fox, and the insides of my ears burned again.

When I was on my knees a second time, Mitchell looked more surprised than confident. This certainly wasn't his usual procedure for this sort of thing, and I was probably throwing him off of his routine. "Okay, I think I know how to help out. How hard can it be?"

Mitchell sighed. He gripped the leash, beckoning me forward and rubbed his cock in his paw to make it hard again. "First... sniff at it. Playfully. I think you have to try and empty your thoughts of anything serious."

I stared at his dripping cock. "So I need to act stupid."

"Act?" Somebody snickered.

I knew how to do that. I gave his cock a belligerent sniff. I felt my ears shift a little with the weight of my head turning.

"Now you ought to bark or something. Nice, throaty growl."

I gave him a quizzical look. "So this Darius guy. Uh... he knows we don't do that unless it's habitual, right? I bark when I'm shocked or something but I don't generally just... bark."

"Lord Darius wants a performance, not reality. Lord Darius is..."

"An idiot?"

"Telling," put in Mitchell quizically.

"Right." I said. I thought about it and force a bark. All of the men laughed because it sounded so fake.

"Hey... I'm trying!" I dipped down to taste Marcus again. He whined, and I touched myself. Then I pulled off again, licking my lips. "What species is Darius anyway?"

"Cat," said the men in unison.

"Of fucking course." The dampness of my underwear was starting to get uncomfortable, so I took it all off. I was cold without them, but at least it wasn't clammy against my skin.

"Maybe we can try this another way," said the big Bull Terrier. He took the leash out of Mitchell's hand, tugging me toward him. He unzipped his navy slacks, and let out his sheath. It was bigger than Mitchell's, and it was pink, but mottled with spots of brown skin. His smell was a lot cleaner than Mitchell's too, but it was probably more from alcoholic cleanser than anything natural.

"Just start sucking and don't even think about it."

I wanted to ask how the hell I couldn't think about it, but it wasn't like I had any clue on how to approach this. I only dipped my tongue into his sheath once and he was already rising. He got longer than I expected, and I had to play around with how I angled my jaw to make sure I didn't gag. I was surprised by how quickly I managed to make him hard.

"Nice and easy. Just enjoy it and let your body respond." His hand sifted through the fur of my neck. It felt nice.

"Like this?" I tried to mumble, but I'm sure the words weren't legible, considering my position.

"All fours," he said softly.

I planted my paws on the ground. My lower back swayed as I felt my tail rise and fall, pleasantly, losing myself in the clean taste of the Bull Terrier, enjoying his large, calm presence which felt less intimidating that the wolf's.

It was weird because, but the intensity of his throbbing, I'd say--

"Hah!" he yelled, pulling out and shooting thick, yellow-white ropes of bitter smelling come on me. It nearly hit my eye, and I closed it in the nick of time. It was warm, and I felt a little disgusted at how hard I was. I wanted bad to get off, just from that experience, but I knew I wasn't done, and that I probably hadn't pulled off much different from vanilla sex yet. I wasn't yet in whatever sort of head zone I'd have to be for this crazed Darius character.

The Russian Bull Terrier caught his breath and took my chin in his paws, turning my face to square me up. "You looked more like an animal there, private. More like you needed to get me off than like you wanted to. I saw your spine arc and your ass swish. You responded to instinct. There was a need to taste my come... not a want to thank me for flowers and nice dinner. You liked it and you sucked on my knot like a dog."

I was surprised to be hearing this from him and not Mitchell. He was right, and it burned me to the core to admit it. I was a dog. I only fuck like a dog when I like it.

"But is that good enough for the loonies outside?" I asked.

"It's a start. See those boys over there?" I looked behind me, over my shoulder. The conservative dressed fox had his pants down. The German Shepherd was squeezing his groin.

"Yeah."

"You're going to suck them off at the same time. They're going to call you pup. It's going to sound weird and maybe a lot condescending, but, it's a way to get used to how they see us. And it is part of who we really are, to some extent."

"Wait, I have to touch dicks with the stiff again?" said the German Shepherd.

The fox blinked. "Stiff is the point of this. And I think I like this one. He's funny. Maybe we'll like it."

"You already both do," said Mitchell. "We can all smell it."

Both of them laughed uncomfortably. A barrack full of dogs wasn't the most convenient place for hiding secrets, and I'm sure we'd all eventually drive each other up the walls with our noses. But my jaw already hurt from one dick. Now I was supposed to suck on two?

I wiped as much of the come off of my face as I could but it was starting to get matted in my fur.

"He's sort of like a husky, isn't he?" said the German Shepherd, flipping one of my ears over.

"Maybe some collie in there too. He's sporty." The gray fox dribbled when he said that, and he went so rigid it looked like he was going to tip over from embarrassment. Joshi nodded and let go of me, then put his hands on Viddeck's waist. Joshi had a long, thick, tapered cock that was a tan color. It had a single mole on it. Viddeck had a fatter, pinker rocket with a very needy looking bulge that throbbed when the shepherd touched it. Joshi frotted with him for a while to warm up and they whined together. Mitchell looked down to me.

"Slobber on them together like it's a bone." I wondered how weird Mitchell felt about saying that, but I had other things on my mind at the moment. Viddeck was terribly stern. His accent might've been some kind of Scottish, but I wasn't sure. I was secretly proud of making him melt. He was looking at _me_while he frotted, not Joshi. His dark eyes seem to be begging me to get him off, and there was a strange impulse to want to be cute for him.

My tongue tasted fox cock first. Grassy and sharp. Savory almost, compared to the German Shepherd, who was incredibly smoky. Joshi must've liked his coffee and his spices. I was amused nobody I'd tasted yet liked their fruit or their sweets.

"Both your paws, pup! Squeeze their knots. Get drunk on their pre. Appreciate them properly." Mitchell was watching me. I thought it strange that he didn't want to get off first after he put his cock in my mouth, but maybe he just wanted me to remember his taste while I worked on all the other dicks.

Viddeck's breathed through his teeth as he held onto Joshi's shoulders. "Oh, god damn it. I love his mouth!"

"He's doing adequate," said Joshi, petting me at I curled my tongue around the two of them, exceedingly careful with my teeth. Their cocks slid against one another, pocketed in my tongue, causing pre and spit to ooze down both sides of my cheeks. My tail wagged, and I would be lying if I said it was part of the forced puppy performance.

"I want him so bad," said Viddeck. He tensed a little, as if he said something out of line. It didn't seem like a part of the act, but Joshi played it up, either because he didn't care or he didn't notice.

"Well, maybe if Mitchell puts him in a pen you can take him out whenever you want."

Viddeck gasped, and his pupils dilated. I gave his knot a squeeze, sending him over the edge. It made him yip and cry out. His come was on the sour side, and more than half of it slopped to the floor in front of me. The new texture of saliva and come was probably what sent Joshi over the edge, too. He had a bit of a spiciness to him. I tried to swallow, but the mixture clotted in my mouth. Most of it ended up on the floor.

"Eat up your mess, boy," said Mitchell.

"Are you... joking?" I gasped, catching my breath.

"You're going to have to develop a stomach for it. Trust me."

I didn't doubt it for a second. Shuddering, closing my eyes, I licked the floor. The lack of friction almost made me slip in it, but I got it all up, even the bits of gritty dirt. I groaned, and it sounded more like a whine, which I guess was what I was supposed to be going for anyway.

"Bit dirty, but still a good boy," crooned Mitchell. "All you have left now is a spit roast."

I already smelled like three horny guys so I figured two more wouldn't hurt. But I hesitated when Mitchell got behind me. He smeared something cold and slippery on my ass that made me jerk my head.

"The hell was that?"

Mitchell rolled his eyes. "Relax. We're not going to dry fuck you."

"Muzzles are one thing, but--"

"You're clean enough. I'm sure you've taken a knot before. Because, if not..." he whistled. Then he climbed on top of me. The Lab crouched in front, signaled by Mitchell's announcement. I didn't need to be told what to do at this point, but Mitchell's paw held my tail like it were a leash too. I spread my legs and felt the yellow lab press his soft thighs to my face. He had a thing for minty smelling shampoo it seemed, which he probably didn't come by easy in a place like this. That thought was distracting until I felt Mitchell's hard tip press against my asshole.

My groan must have been pretty harsh, because the Lab flinched and Mitchell was laughing. "Adding flavor text to your role is appreciated, private, but don't revel in it."

I woofed. "Don't tell me about too much flavor when there's a crotch full of mint in my face."

"Don't try to make to make Kaplin feel emasculated about his girly shampoos, private."

The lab tensed again. "Scents have no gender. With respect, sir."

"You hear that private? You're being disrespectful to Kaplin. Now spread your ass cheeks."

I gasped when I felt that first prod of his dick sliding in. It was sharp and painful, like a pinch, and I had to bow my head and hiss through my teeth to process it. The thickness was the thing that got to me. I had had long dicks in me before that could hit the spot, but this felt more like somebody was shoving a bottle of whiskey up my ass and boy did it hurt.

Until it felt really good. It was impossible to miss my prostate with a cock that wide, and his knot wasn't even in yet. Kaplin sighed and brought his half-mast cock to my face.

"Get it hard again," the Lab whispered, and I didn't hesitate to gag myself just to prevent too many embarrassing noises coming out of me. And on the subject of coming, I felt like I was about to do that hands free. I didn't want to blow my load too soon, so another cock to suck on was a busy distraction. Kaplin had the freshest taste to him out of all the men, and his grunts were the quickest and the sharpest.

"You think he wants my knot Kaplin?" said Mitchell.

Kaplin was barely paying attention. He had his eyes closed, as if concentrating on something else, and then let out a harsh breath of air. "I think he wants to come most, sir." The Lab's slender paws smoothed down my ears and his hips thrusted once, suddenly squirting a jet of warm, watery pre down my throat. All of us were close. I felt that familiar feeling in my groin where my balls tightened and my waist ached for release. Frantic, frenzied, I thrusted into the air needfully while my mess collected slowly on the floor below.

There was a shift in me, and I could tell Mitchell felt this. "Smells like a damn kennel in here, Id's say." He grabbed my cock with his free hand and jerked savagely as he howled. I whined so fucking hard, but it turned into a gurgle as Kaplin shot down my throat, too. They knew how to time their dicks. That's when Mitchell sunk into me, bearing down his weight to force that thick fleshy bulb into me. I resisted first, feeling the soreness in my ass, feeling like it shouldn't fit and that it wouldn't fit. But it did, and we were stuck like that for about half an hour.

When all of this was over and done, the men hit the showers. It was a single shower, which made me nervous because I was exhausted and didn't want these guys getting rowdy on me again. Joshi assured me that there wasn't going to be a round two, which wasn't really assuring at all. But it was thankfully uneventful. After I got myself cleaned up, Kaplin took care of letting me know where I had to put my things, what our hours were, and what time lights out would be. I was assigned a bunk and brought my stuff to the right place. He was much more professional than Mitchell, and he seemed to be on top of handling the paperwork I'd have to fill out consenting to the safety of my arrival and my choice to work here.

Kaplin explained where I'd need to sign with a faintly bored expression on his face, as if the Lab didn't just meet me by making me the centerpiece of an orgy, so I wondered if that was just his way of dealing with things.

When I was all settled in, sitting in my bunk, Mitchell took it upon himself to sit next to me.

"Now that you're acquainted and have decided to stay, I think it's time to meet Darius."

I stared at him. "Today?"

"No better day!" He patted me vigorously on the back like I was his little brother or something.

"I don't think I'm ready."

"I don't think I care. I gave you an order, private."

Mitchell led me through a tunnel and a series of airlocks and hexagonal doors to the exterior of the pod. It was my first step on the planet's soil, and most of the terrain looked a lot like earth's inside one of these places: maybe Nevada. We walked across rows of genetically diversified potatoes and spinach. There weren't many signs of habitable life, but I saw a hut in the distance.

I crossed my arms. This couldn't be it. It felt like a valley wilderness. Maybe some of the union workers were hiding in the Cliffside caves that I saw on the horizon. "Where are all of the workers?"

Mitchell held a finger to his lips, signaling to wait for something. I had a bad feeling about this in my gut. There was a faint whirring sound in the distance. I held my paw over my face in a salute, trying to block the harsh lighting of the artificial sunlight. In the valley of crops coming toward us I saw a strange mechanical tripod. It had spring-loaded joints that it used to move its long, flexible foot appendages and it had a red sensor on its front. It seemed to be fussing with the plants. A slat at the top of the tripod opened and I half expected a fat, dirty feline to hope out and announce himself as the owner of this turf, but it never happened. That space was for storing crops. The fresh things went into its head, which appeared to be nothing other than a high-tech gathering basket. It gathered plants with tube-like appendages and discarded unhealthy specimens and weeds.

"What does the side of that machine say, private?"

I squinted to read the fine print. This... "It says Dare? Yes!"

Mitchell shook his head and then gave me a hearty pat on the back. "Nope. It says I just fucked a bunch of dudes for no reason."

I felt that hard pit-at-the-bottom-of-my-stomach- feeling. "You mean you made all of that up? About the prostitution and the corruption and the political instability?"

The wolf nodded. "Didn't you look up a damn thing about 3-M 611 before you applied for this post? We aren't a sustainable environ for a village yet much less an army. That's why we have such a small team. It's also why there's nothing much to do up here. Well, aside from..." he made a gesture with his hands to me.

"You're a jackass," I said. A hot jackass, but I still wanted to take off his tight little boots and pound his face in with them.

He shrugged as if not to dispute that. "And you accidentally sent a military officer a porn link in your application."

Speaking of punches to the face. "I what?"

"Miss O'Connor from m3-78 didn't appreciate it much when you were applying to her station. You must've accidentally copy-pasted it. She's an old friend of mine. Talked to me about it just to destress. I hatched the idea of sending you here and fulfilling your little fantasy instead of, well, more than likely a sexual harassment discharge."

Then it hit me. It must've been over two years ago. I was so afraid of not having a place to be after my first choice on mercury had been denied that I was applying to places left and right with no regard. I was using a macro to fill in my forms because they were so generic. So generic that I had to jerk off my boredom through the applications. Had I really been that horribly irresponsible?

"And all of your men were in on it too?"

Mitchell pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kaplin and Zima damn-well gave it away to your face. They had a lot of faith that you didn't believe the Darius story, so they pretty much clued you into this all being an act from the get-go. I guess they thought you understood at that point. I'm not surprised you didn't."

The hair on my tail was bristling something fierce. "You could just be fucking with me again."

Mitchell pocketed his paws and shook his head. "As hilarious as it would be, no, that's the truth. Me and the rest of the guys are just a bunch of old friends from basic training. We didn't mind being out in a shit hole because we knew nobody else wanted to be here. It was the only way we could stay together."

"And your superiors just let you do that?"

"You'd be surprised how effective earnest politeness can be. It's more likely than an all-male all-canid harem treaty isn't it?"

I rolled my eyes and he took out a piece of gum out of one of his dusty coat pockets and started chewing on it.

"All the same, if it makes you feel better, I think you were much better at being a pup than the actor in that low-budget 'bate video you had watched."

I grunted. "This is so many layers of fucked."

"A spit-roast is only three layers private. Now, we need to get our asses inside. We're going to have to teach you how order porn magazines through the mail four months ahead of time."

"Magazines? What is this, the dark ages? Don't we have data streaming out here?"

"On a development pod on Mars? You really are adorable."

Everybody had been in on it. They had all watched my pornography gaffe. Joshi had admitted that he wasn't into it, but the gang were hard-pressed for any creative sex after spending years together. Viddeck, on the other hand, couldn't look me in the eye for a while. It turned out he was crushing on me. Zima phrased this as "heartfelt and lacking perspective."

It turned out that it did take porn magazine 4 months to get through the mail but we didn't need it as much as we needed booze and puzzle boxes. But more often than not it was fun to pass the time being a middle-man through and through.