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Paul now

The door clicked after Xander left. Paul leaned against the sink. He held in a yowl, but his claws shrieked across the stainless steel sink in a spine tingling release, Why did I have to fall for a guy that loves someone else.

His head fell as he wrapped his wet arms across his chest, You're going to beat this just get things done.

He started a load of laundry then did more dishes. He drank water but couldn't eat, nausea pulled at him. He ran out of things to keep busy with so he changed out the sheets for Jill then cleaned his bedroom again.

When whipping out the spare comforter onto the bed, his photo of Jill, Timmy and himself on Indian beach just before high school, got its corner caught by the billowing blanket then fell off the nightstand. He scrambled to the frame, picked it up then sat on the bed. The memory of that day bit hard like the water and wind through his fur swimming in the Pacific, So young, happy, and stupid.

He flipped over the frame uncrimping the metal tags holding the distended back in place.

His phone startled him chirping in the silent house from his pocket. He set the photo flat on the nightstand then grabbed his phone.

Oliver's profile lit his screen. He hit ignore then flopped back on the bed.

He messaged Jill and Tanner, "OK change of plans Jill you're staying at our place. Anyway, what do you guys want for dinner?"

Even with the sheets changed and a layer of Febreze, he picked up a faint whiff of Xander and his last time. Heat burned in the backs of his eyes. He rushed to find something to do. He grabbed his keys and headed to the mailbox on the front porch.

His phone buzzed with a new voicemail from Oliver, then a text from Jill.

Jill wrote, "Hey why the plan change? We are up in Lakecity not far from that Ethiopian place, let's go there."

"Sounds good I'll meet you there," He wrote back.

He went out the door when Oliver called again. He hit ignore then jammed his key in the mailbox. His heart skipped a beat in the corner of his eye someone sat on the porch swing.

"I thought you left."

"I can't leave, I fucked up and I don't have a place for Jill. The place I have is on the Eastside," Xander said the swings chain-link creaking.

"So you're just going to sit on my porch like a creep." His heart beat in his ears.

"Not a creep... no I guess I am a creep, I just was thinking and wishing for something, anything to be different," Xander said.

"Like a better zipper that's tougher to undo."

"Paul, have you loved someone so much it makes you stupid? That's Sean for me. Even though I love him, I care about you," Xander said head resting against the chain just above his paw hold.

"Yes there was, once, but it's not you, and to be with you right now, that would be crazy," he grabbed the mail and headed back to the door.

"Who was it... was it Oliver, is this more about him," Xander asked.

He crushed the ads full of local coupons, then said through clenched teeth, "no it isn't about Oliver. You'll never meet that guy now anyway, so just forget about it."

"Promise me I'll see you," Xander asked.

"Why."

"Because then I'll know I'll have another chance to apologize."

"I don't think you even know what to apologize for."

"No I don't, I wanted you to be there, I didn't want to hurt you," Xander said.

"You told me I didn't have to worry, you got my hopes up, that you would want me, just me." His phone rang, Oliver's profile lit up his phone again.

"I didn't think there could be anything with Sean then I figured out why he's been so distant-"

"Why are you calling," he said into his phone.

"Hey... so Jill's not staying here," Oliver said voice vibrating deep.

"What do you think?"

"Paul we were talking," Xander said.

"No you were leaving, just taking forever at it."

"What, I'm not. Did I get you at a bad time," Oliver asked.

"Yes, it's a horrible time everything you did today seems like horrible timing to me."

"I assume that you did stop by then," Oliver asked, "Dude, I am sorry, how can I fix this."

"I can't leave things like this," Xander said standing.

"I don't want to talk to you, either of you," He said, "you guys sound like a sappy breakup song."

"Kenny Chesney," Oliver asked.

"Like Adele," Xander said.

"Wait who else is there," Oliver asked.

"It's Xander he wouldn't leave after I told him too."

"This is more my fault than his," Oliver said.

"Great to hear I'm glad I can drop all my insecurities and resentments."

"If you really don't want me here I'll leave, I am sorry," Xander said mane a wind battered black dandelion after his ears dropped.

"If Jill's staying there where are you sleeping," Oliver asked.

"Dude, I'd rather be on a couch than make her sleep on a bed, only to smell your cheating shit."

"Is there something I can do," Xander asked tail brushing his own kneecap.

"Fucking Collies, no there isn't just drop it and go. You fucked up so live with it and leave me alone, right now, I want you gone before Jill gets here."

"Oh, I wanted to meet her in person and have her meet my mom... even if things don't work out they should meet," Xander said scratching his forearm.

"I've never heard you this mad, are you ok," Oliver asked.

"Of course I'm fucking pissed dude, my boyfriend lied," His voice broke, "...and my second closest friend devirginized with him."

"I'll leave, I am sorry Paul," Xander said stepping off the porch into the drizzle.

He didn't respond stepping back into his apartment.

"I could list the excuses for why I wasn't thinking, but none matter, I'm sorry. You don't have to sleep on the couch you can have my bed and I'll sleep in the guest bed," Oliver said.

The heat of tears ripped at his guts as he slumped back against the door as it closed behind him, "I don't want you to be sorry, I wanted you to be my friend, for you to have my back. I loved you and you've never loved me, you made that very clear today."

He ended the call before his voice could break again, then cried, Mommy they were never mine and I don't think I can change.

When he breathed normally without hiccups, he washed his face. His mommies blood shot eyes stared back at him from the mirror. He couldn't meet them. In a haze, he drove to the Afar Kingdom in Lakecity.