FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

To prevent being treated with scorn

I just thought it prudent to warn:

These old fashioned verses

Though filled with foul curses

Will probably end up as porn

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The Lion and the Weasel

A long time ago in a place with remarkably unspecific geography, a lordly lion was resting in the shade of a great tree. Suddenly a brown and white weasel dashed by on some weaselly errand and the lion lazily swiped out with a massive paw, pinning the weasel to the ground between his lethal claws.

"Ow. What the fuck is the big idea, you fucking fuck!?" The weasel shrieked, long flexible body squirming ineffectually under the lion's grasp.

The lion, who had not expected any dialog in the story, was momentarily taken aback. "I can do as I please as I am much larger than you." He replied with a smug chuff of his breath, pressing his paw tighter against the ground and shaking his mane with an unnecessarily regal flourish.

"That doesn't mean you have to be an ass-hat about it." The weasel wheezed, wriggling like a tube sock in gale force winds.

"And why should I even listen to a creature as insignificant as yourself?" The lion quarried, tilting his head and peering down with a massive golden eye.

"First of all, weasels taste terrible. Trust me, all of my friends tell me I have just awful tastes." The weasel managed to turn himself over so he could look up at the lion with his beady eyes.

The lion yawned. He wasn't even hungry, and had just swatted out at the weasel out of a mix of instincts and boredom. "And?"

"And I'm totally going to help you out later in the story. That's how these things work." The weasel nodded, whiskers twitching.

"And what could you possibly do to help a creature as strong and magnificent as myself?" The lion asked impetuously.

"Look, there are about a hundred fucking things. You might need help with an alimony case, and weasels make excellent lawyers." The weasel began, tiny paws still straining ineffectually at the lion's massive foot pinning him down. "Or maybe you'll drop something under your refrigerator and need someone to go get it for you because your big-ass paws won't be able to reach it."

The lion seemed unconvinced.

"Hell, man. I dunno. Maybe a fucking genie will pop out and offer you three wishes, but only if you fucking let me go." The weasel huffed, looking up with the same facial expression one might use when explaining to a child why they shouldn't continue eating paste. "What about karma, eh? What goes around comes around. If you let me go, then something good will definitely fucking happen to you in the future."

The lion raised a brow, curiosity piqued. "Such as?"

"Like some kind of cosmic bullshit. You know like inner peace, or true enlightenment . . ." The weasel rolled his eyes as he saw the lion snort dismissively. "Or maybe you'll actually learn something for once, you twat." The weasel muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" The lion growled.

"Lionesses. A whole host of em. Guaranteed." The weasel replied with a squeak as the lion pressed down even harder.

"Really?"

"Yes fucking really. Now let me up so we can get on with the goddamned story, you thick fuck."

"Hmph. Fine. I wasn't hungry anyways." The lion raised his paw and then gave the weasel a rough swat that sent him flying a few feet before he scuttled off into the tall grass.

"Asshole!" The weasel shouted back, before he continued about his weaselly way.

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A few days later the weasel was rooting around for cigarette butts and loose change in the underbrush when he heard a strange sound in the distance, like a diesel engine with a cold. Curious, the weasel made his way closer, and found the lion trussed up in a net in a large clearing.

"Oh, woe is me." The lion moped, his futile struggles only made the net more tangled around his tawny muscular body.

"Who the fuck actually says that?" The weasel scampered up in front of the lion, ready to bolt if he somehow escaped his tangled bonds. "And how the fuck did you end up in that net?"

"There was a luscious hunk of meat just lying there . . ." The lion began.

"In the middle of a big fucking net?" The weasel interrupted.

"Well no it was obscured by . . . leaves . . ." The lion's voice tapered off his eyes following the weasel's own as they both looked down to find a conspicuous lack of leaf litter.

"Yeah, sure." The weasel scoffed. "Well, serves you right, you big golden bell-end."

"Wait!" The lion cried as the weasel turned to scurry away. "Aren't you going to get me out of this net to repay me for my kindness?"

"What, you mean for trapping me under your sweaty fucking paw and then giving me the swat? Fat fucking chance." The weasel spat.

"But you can help me now. You can untie these ropes!" The lion's voice was cracking slightly, flecks of weeping hysterics creeping into his bass rumble.

"I think you've got me confused with someone who has opposable thumbs." The weasel sat up on his haunches and scratched at his chin nonchalantly. "Or maybe with someone who gives a fuck."

"But you have to help me. What about karma? What goes around comes around. I helped you!" The lion's voice trembled querulously.

Considering, the weasel tilted his head from side to side. "Okay. Fucking fine. I'll let you see things from _ my _ perspective." The weasel grinned.

"By repaying my act of kindness?"

"Yeah, sure. Just let me check something." The weasel walked up before the lion's muzzle, ropes from the net still twisting tightly around it. The lion's golden eyes crossed as the weasel reached in, grabbed a hold of one of his long white whiskers, and yanked back, plucking it out like he was removing a splinter.

The lion roared and his jaws snapped forwards, but they were stopped pitifully short by the tight net. "What was that for, you little bastard! I ought to . . ."

"Just what I was hoping." The weasel nodded thoughtfully before walking back around the lion's massive fruitlessly struggling body. "Trussed up like a Christmas ham, and about as smart as one. I think I can get you out of there, and I can teach you a lesson at the same time."

"Good man. You can chew through the ropes with your teeth." The lion sighed in relief.

"Yeah, sure. If I was some kind of fucking toothy rat I could."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"Why don't you just fucking hang around and find out? Sheesh." The weasel swore as he circled fully around behind the lion, looking up to where his tail was pinned against his body, auburn tuft at the end twitching irritably.

The weasel scrambled up the lion's bound legs, arranging himself at the wide twitching base of the tail. "What are you, heh ha . . . Stop that!" The lion cried as the weasels dark cold nose pressed in and snuffled against his exposed anus.

"You keep yourself pretty clean back here . . ." The weasel lapped out against the musky horizontally stretched pucker in a wet diminutive lick. "Maybe you were wishing more for lions than lionesses, eh?"

"That's not . . ." The lion's words were interrupted as he shuddered. The weasel's tongue lapping out at his ass was like being sexually assaulted by a hot slippery butterfly. "You can't . . ." He sputtered.

"What, you wouldn't want me to go in dry, would you?" The weasel licked his fuzzy chops before sliding his tiny tongue into the center of the lion's ass and slipping just barely inside of him.

"No! I mean Yes! Wait . . ."

"Kinky."

"I mean. What are you . . . This is unnatural. We can't . . ." The lion squirmed against the ropes that creaked, but held his great strength in check.

"Two animals are here gabbing to each other, and you think _ this _ . . ." The weasel pressed in with his tiny little paw, kneading against the big cat's tight asshole while his other squeezed against a plump tawny furred testicle. "Is the unnatural part?"

The lion gritted his teeth and moaned. "This isn't right. You can't do this."

"Oh but I _ can _. That's the beauty of it." The weasel grinned, rubbing his growing pink prick up against the lion's fur. "I'd say there was some kind of poetic justice to it . . ." The weasel considered, looking up at the text leading up to this point. "But it looks a lot less like poetry and more like the narrator is just getting his rocks off . . ."

. . . At this point, the cheeky weasel fucking got on with it.

"Right. Anyways, on with the show." And with that, the diminutive weasel climbed up, legs splayed out against tawny fur as he lined up his glistening prick and rammed forwards into the lion's dark straining asshole.

Almost immediately, the lion's body tensed up, his claws digging out into the ground as he roared out. "You little runt! I'm going to crunch your bones into paste when I get out of here . . ." He wriggled and writhed, feeling the shame of the tiny prick rubbing against his tender rear more than the actual physical presence. His muscles felt even stranger though. Every time he clenched them, struggling against the net, they didn't seem to unclench before he began flailing again.

"That's a weird way to say 'thank you.'" The weasel's flexible body was bent nearly double as he began thrusting forwards with a frenetic rhythm, like a miniature vindictive jackhammer. "Look's like your body's getting it though." He reached a paw up and stroked the barbed tip of the lion's comparatively massive cock as it peeked out over the edge of his loose furry sheath.

"Why I out to . . ." The lion groaned as the weasel slammed in again. He could actually feel the hot slick cock pressing inside of him now, as if it were swelling larger inside of him. His spine creaked and popped as he writhed, allowing him to bend back at a strange angle.

"I'm assuming you've never been fucked by a weasel before." The weasel licked his chops as he felt the lion's comparatively loose ass tightening around his shaft.

"It's beneath me." The lion huffed. His claws strained, locking out fully extended as they darkened. His paws creaked into a more grasping flexible arrangement, grasping at the ropes as his snarl rose to a squeak.

"Well, it's on top of you now." The weasel chided with a rocking thrust. "Don't worry. You can admit it, that you like to be down all close to the ground, wriggling and squeaking as you get plowed."

"N-no. That's not right . . . you . . . you . . ." The lion protested, even as the words sent a thrill down his spine. His fur bristled up, becoming glossy and soft. He licked his lips, tongue feeling slick and oddly lacking in feline abrasion as he searched for the right word. His cock pulsed growing out longer and smoother than a leonine prick had any right being, dribbling out pre as his balls pulled tight and swelled larger. "You _ fuck _." The word just rolled off his changing tongue.

"That's the spirit!" The weasel patted the lion's rump as it shrank down noticeably. He stepped back off of the lion's body, able to have the tips of his feet braced on the ground as he still rammed into the decreasingly big cat's wrenching ass over and over. The lion's tail flicked about under the net, shortening with every twitch even as the fur bristled out into a fuzzy dark tipped brush.

"What are you . . . Oh god, I just don't fucking know." The lion moaned out. His muzzle creaked, pulling into a weaselly point as his whisker's twitched and his golden eyes darkened into beady blackness. He could smell his own regal scent deepening into a stoat-ish reek as his increasingly tight ass clamped down over the weasel's now impossibly filling thrusts. His tongue lolled out as he felt the net loosening all around him, but the sensations were so overwhelming that all he could do was brace himself, splayed out and writhing against the ground as his entire body tingled.

"Just a little . . . bit . . . more." The weasel groaned, claws grasping around the lion's hips as his body continued to shrink, now barely two times the size of his "rescuer." He pulled himself down on top of the lion's now long sable body, humping with wild abandon, watching the lion's mane slick down into a glossy patch of auburn fur around his flexible neck.

"Oh, Jesus finger fucking Christ. Just fucking do it!" The lion moaned, body twisting around like a randy slinky. His now straining ass was stuffed to the brim as the weasel plowed into his prostate again and again, making his altered long pointed prick buck up against his soft belly fur.

"Gonna . . . fucking . . ._ pop _!" The weasel's claws tensed as his cock jerked and he pumped the lion's stretched ass full of heated waves of mustelid essence. He arched his back and shrieked, plump white furred balls squeezing out halting waves of cum as the now weaselly lion wriggled and writhed below him.

The lion panted as the weasel pulled back off of him, eyes going wide as he looked down at his altered body. "How the fuck . . .?"

"It's best not to question it." The weasel panted, basking in the afterglow of their coitus. "The author never fucking explains anything."

"You still didn't get me out of the net, you little bastard." The lion-weasel squeaked.

"Just step out of it, you dumb little fuck."

The altered lion stepped out in between the woven rope and blinked, looking down at his small sleek body again. "Fuck!"

"I know right?" The weasel replied.

"You didn't have to turn me into another greasy little fucking weasel!" The lion twisted around, able to look down his back at his short fuzzy tail. "I'm going to . . ."

"Well, you know . . . you could always get revenge . . ." The weasel tapped one of his pointed teeth mischievously.

"Yeah? Fucking how?" The tawny maned weasel asked, clenching and unclenching his paws murderously.

"Well . . ." The weasel turned his back and looked over his shoulder, raising up his brown and white tail, exposing his tight pink asshole. "You could always hold me down and fuck my brains out, making me shout your fucking name out until I beg for mercy . . ."

"You're fucking right I could!" The once lion sprang forward, pointed shaft still throbbing between his stubby legs as he mounted the weasel, squeaking for retribution.

The two weasels rolled around on the forest floor in a musky foul-mouthed tangle of furry flesh. The sun glinted down through the boughs of the meadow as . . .

"Hey. Fucking get on with it."

"Yeah. Can't you see we're fucking busy!"

Fine.

The two fucking weasels fucked their brains out, and a lesson was learned: Don't fucking fuck with weasels or you will end up fucking fucking weasels.

_ Fuck _.