Sargon of Akkad Should Die
Help me kill Sargon of Akkad so I can use his skin as a coat
The sun rose in the west. Her light was red as the dawn's hue, piercing eerily through the branches and unto the plains. It was a strange sight, but it was lovely to be sure.
One day, the light passed over a shrew, who protested. The sun took pity on the shrew, and its light became gold.
"Haha, fucking feminazi" Sargon the idiotic frog mocked unlawfully.
The sun was confused, and continued. Birds decried about larger birds trampling their nests, so the sun's light flared at the larger birds, that left with their eyes burnt.
"The sun is against free speech!" croaked Sargon evilly and stupidly.
The sun became impatient, but continued. Finally she made her way to a lake in the plains, where there was an island. There, hyraxes were having a fight over a bridge.
"What is the matter?" the sun asked.
"We have to cut ties to the mainland, other mammalsare big and strong and we're not!" moaned a hyrax
"We're the superior species so they have no right to our land!" he said, minutes after.
"So you claim you're superior, yet admit you are weak" the sun shook her head, "Then you're lying. The bridge remains."
Sargon's eyes bulged and he went all "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and jumped at the sun! Except, the sun was made of light, so his skin dried up and became full of tumours due to the UV light. Sargon suffered in horrific and delicious harmony for ten thousand hours, limb by limb becoming a mass of pus-ejecting teratomas.
Eventually, he died and was sent to hell.