Love, Loss, and Spilled Coffee
So this ended up way more depressing than I thought it would be.
Scott wasn't sure when he realized it was over between himself and Anna, his girlfriend of three years. All he knew was that one day they were eating a silent lunch lots of meals had been silent...how long has that been happening? and two hours later she was quietly packing her things and giving him the occasional glance of forlorn resignation. There were the usual questions preceding the actual breakup, of course
"You really want to just give up after three years?"
"Is there someone else?"
"Am I not enough for you?"
but all in all it was rather...well, perhaps not amicable, but at the very least relatively peaceful. Scott was pretty sure she felt the same way he did, and the questions were more of a reflex, an automatic response to the dreaded "I don't think we're working anymore" conversation. So she was gone now, with a muttered "I'll come back this weekend for the rest of my things" still hovering in the air. The apartment was in his name, and he felt bad that she left so quickly, felt bad that she felt she had to leave immediately. But...why try to convince her to stay in an apartment filled with what now felt like failure? Like three years of laughter, of long nights wrapped in blankets on the couch because the space heater was too small for the living room? Scott glanced at the heater, struck by another thought.
"I'll come back this weekend for the rest of my things"
Well...what things are hers, and what things are mine? He wondered. If ownership was determined by who bought the item, that was one thing but... Scott's thoughts trailed off as he caught sight of himself in the i really need to clean up around here smudged mirror hanging on one wall. He guessed that if his mirror were a camera, recording him for an unseen audience coming this summer! The Scott Story! It would difficult for someone who just came from the concession stand or bathroom to realize what had just happened.
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what just happened? he what? no, really? but he's so calm! three years? were they not in love?
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They were in love. At least, they had been at some point. Hadn't they? Scott rubbed his cheek as he was struck by yet another thought. Had they ever been in love? He thought they had been. They'd certainly said it often enough. He could remember a time early on in the relationship we'd known each other for less than a week_when just the thought of seeing her was enough to make his heart flutter, make a smile curl the corners of his mouth whether he wanted to or not. But was that really love? Or was it just infatuation? After all, he was just 17 when they met. He was new to the city, was wandering around lost when he quite literally bumped into her _it was a Hollywood moment without the professional choreographer and knocked her coffee out of her hands god she drank a lot of coffee.
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Well, at least he could say with some certainty that she'd be taking the multiple bags of coffee with her when she returned.
As he stammered and stumbled his way through an apology she stared at him with wide eyes, as though unsure of what the appropriate reaction was. He gradually fell silent under her uncertain stare, returning it with his own.
we must've looked like idiots, standing in the middle of the sidewalk frozen staring silent
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She suddenly started laughing, Scott joining her after a stunned second, the pair barely able to stay standing as tears streamed down their faces, as they grabbed at a bike rack to support themselves.
if we didn't look like idiots before, we definitely looked like lunatics then. covered in coffee, laughing our asses off
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Once they managed to get themselves under control, Scott offered to buy her a new coffee to replace the one he had splattered all over her shirt. She had accepted, and ten minutes later they were laughing again over cappuccinos. Four days later they were dating. Her friends loved to hear the story of Scott and Anna, calling it the love story of the century the century must have really low standards and declaring them the modern day Romeo and Juliet still not sure if any of them ever actually read any shakespeare
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With a start, Scott realized he'd been sitting there staring at himself in the mirror for almost an hour. Why'd he been looking at himself in the first place? Oh. Yes. The audience.
he still doesn't look like he just broke up with the love of his life...what's wrong with him?
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What's wrong with him, indeed. Wasn't he supposed to be throwing things? Smashing the mirror with his bare hand in a burst of passionate self-hate? Dropping to his knees, tearing open his shirt to bare his heart to an uncaring world as he screams out his love for someone who's no longer there?
that's pretty sappy, man.
Sappy, yes. But isn't that love? Wasn't love supposed to be sappy and sweet and cliché and warm? Burning fire that swept away the anger and resentment from fights and arguing?
But...
Had they ever really fought?
Scott suddenly realized that he couldn't remember them ever having a fight. Sure, they'd had disagreements, but they'd never had a full-blown fight. Her friends used to say that the two of them were in perfect sync but
there were a lot of things i just never bothered bringing up
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maybe they had just never really hit that emotional level of love.
if we were even in love to begin with
_ _
Maybe they had just been coasting for three years.
Coasting through a superficial relationship that was easy instead of pushing, pushing to really know each other.
Sure, they "knew" each other we fucked after just a few dates but was a physical relationship fucking really the same as a deep, emotional connection?
Scott could describe the way her eyes glittered in the bright sun, describe the way she smiled after their first kiss, but for the life of him he could not remember anything she told him about her life before they met. He thought he remembered her mentioning a sister a brother? but he wasn't sure. His phone was in his hand, halfway through dialing her number to ask her if she was having the same thoughts as he was about this whole thing when he realized something.
He didn't really care.
He didn't really care if she thought the relation was superficial.
If she was wondering if any of it was truly love.
He didn't really care.
So...was that why it was so easy? All the breakups he had seen others go through had been different than this one. Some good, some bad, but none were...empty.
So maybe it was for the best. He'd move on, meet someone new, maybe this time he'd get it right. Make a real connection will this lovebird find his Love Connection? We'll find out in two and two! with someone else.
In the meantime, he realized, life went on.
It didn't matter either way.