Imani (VI)
#6 of Imani
The sound of Lucas' alarm clock startles me out of a deep slumber. It's still dark through the blinds, and Lucas groans as I sit up. Three AM is pretty early, but we can sleep on the train. I trudge to the shower, Lucas following close. We walk through the newly decorated living room, past the sectional and matching recliner, and into the bathroom. The shelves are lined with soft, new, white cotton towels, and on the sink sits a small toothbrush holder with both of ours standing upright. It brings about a warm feeling in my chest, having something of mine, regardless of how small, here.
The shower is a quick, soapy mess of hot water and brown fur. The shower is a small thing, hardly big enough for Lucas to fit his entire tail in at once, let alone an otter and a fox. We make it work, though, and before you know it we're both clean and smell like some sort of odd otter shampoo. It's supposed to help restore their natural oils -- I just like it because it smells like Lucas.
In a flash we're leaving, but as we're walking away Lucas tells me to go start the car and he'll be out in a second. It's odd, but I'm still groggy, so I nod and sip my coffee out of a travel mug, and go to wait in the car. When Lucas finally comes down, he's holding a key.
"I wanted to ask you about this last night..." He seems nervous, but continues, "I don't know what we are...but I really like you, Tobias. If you want too -- and I mean if you want too," he adds emphasis, "Maybe you can move some of your stuff in...and take this key..." He forces it into my paw, and I wrap my fingers around it, "and live with me? Like...permanently." I hear the words, and can hardly contain my excitement. I pull him into a kiss, holding it for a good two minutes, our tongues rubbing against one another. As if that's not enough of a 'yes,' once our kiss breaks I reiterate.
"I want to stay with you...I'm gonna. Once we're back from the game, I'll bring over whatever I need and..." My emotions are brimming, my tail wagging and my smile stretching from ear to ear, "Maybe we can be more than friends." The words escape my muzzle, and as soon as I say them I can see the reaction I was hoping for. Sitting here in the car at three forty-five AM, in the dull street light filtering in, it's hard to see the look of elation that wipes across Lucas' face.
~~~
It's a short drive to the train station, where we meet Forrest and Linda and board the train. It's the start of the line running from Cherry to Milwaukee, and eventually all the way to New Orleans, and until it hits Milwaukee, it's dead. We find an empty row pretty easily, and I take my seat next to Lucas. I rest my head on his (my boyfriend's) shoulder, put in headphones, and shut my eyes. The dull chugging of the trail is lullabilic, sending me into nearly a trance. Between the otters breath in my ear, the soft pounding of his heart by my ears, and the rocking of the train, it feels like no time until Lucas is waking me up.
We aren't in Milwaukee quite yet, we won't be there until around 10:30 AM, but the light has started to fritter through the windows, and the soft sound of murmuring has become apparent. I smile up at Lucas whose brown eyes look through me. I take my headphones out and sit up, stretching out. My joints pop as I stretch, and my eye catches something -- someone. Milan.
"Fancy seeing you here, Toby...ah, and you must be Lucas!" I blink up at him, and realize that I never asked for the tickets from him. I wonder if that means...
"Hello. You're...Milan, right?" Lucas' voice is the same warm, loving voice that had drawn me into him.
"I'm glad to hear that Toby hasn't forgotten about me. You seem like a nice enough otter...you want to come get some coffee in the cafe cart?" Milan glances at me, "I want to get to know you...maybe Toby can stay here." I feel my stomach squirm, and I'm about to say something when I hear Lucas.
"Sounds good." I blink as Lucas puts his paw on my thigh, before standing up. I don't say anything as they walk away, a bit of confusion nagging at my chest.
"Tobias." Ah, there he is. I glance over to see Gray sit beside me, "You know, I've missed you." The words hit me harder than they should, but I keep a straight face. Outside rows of trees wiz by the car. I really don't want to have this conversation.
"You broke up with me, Gray. You shouldn't miss me." I don't mention that I miss him, even a little, too.
"Yeah..." He leans back in the seat, and chuckles, "That was a mistake. Maybe a little one." He puts his paw on my thigh, just like Lucas had, "Nothing that I can't fix, though." He moves it closer to my crotch, and I flinch. I glance around, desperate to get someone's attention. Linda and Forrest aren't in their seats -- they're probably eating -- and no one else is really around.
"Stop it, Gray..." The words are weak, and it certainly doesn't do anything to curb his wandering paw.
"Come'on, Toby. I'm sure you like that...otter, but he's got nothing on me." He flashes a toothy grin, his paw slipping past my waistband. I'm speechless, and all I can do is grab his arm. This isn't Gray. It's not like him. I push him back, but coyotes are stronger than foxes, and he pushes down further. I kick, hard, squirming as he reaches my sheath. He suddenly retracts his hand.
"Oh, Gray! I didn't think you'd be up already." Milan's voice suddenly sounds like the voice of an angel. Milan and Lucas reach the seats pretty quickly. Gray stands up and lets Lucas take his seat by the isle. "We should stay down here. Lucas is pretty interesting and we have a long way to go." Milan's voice goes from angel to an idiot. They leave to get their bags, and I consider telling Lucas.
I grab his arm and squeeze it, my heart pounding, my head matching it beat for beat. "Toby...? You okay...?" Lucas' voice is filled with concern, and that's when I realize I'm shaking. How can I tell him? What words can I use? I can only see it going bad...
"Don't leave me with Gray...not alone..." I can hardly force it out, the tears coming out of my eyes flooding down my cheeks.
"Do I need to kick his ass?" I can hear the anger in his tone, a growl coming from between his lips. I shake my head and sniffle, wiping my tears off.
"Don't leave me alone with Gray. I'll tell you when we get home...our home..." The words taste like honey in my mouth, and bring me back to the subtle realization that Lucas is there for me. I can feel anger, too, in those words. I trusted Gray, and he tried to...force himself on me. The thought sends a shiver of fear down my spine and makes my fur stand on end. By the time Milan and Gray get back, I'm buried in Lucas' fur, his arms around me.
"He's feeling motion sick." Lucas lies for me, and I'm so grateful for him. I wonder if Milan was in on it...I don't think so. Despite everything, I think Milan would skin the coyote from head to tail if he found out.
~~~
It's not motion sickness that drives me to the bathroom, but the regurgitation of my breakfast. Lucas and Milan have been chatting, but Gray has been mostly quiet. I'm glad Lucas and Milan are between us.
~~~
The warmth of the air bristles under my fur when I step off the train -- although any air would be warm compared to the frigid train car. Lucas follows behind me, and in front of me Linda and Forrest fidget with their oversized suitcase. Forrest looks at me, his eyes betraying him.
"You didn't tell us you were dating this otter." His words are colder than the train was, but I smile.
"I wasn't until this morning." Forrest looks over the otter and sighs.
"Well, at least he isn't a canine." His ears twitch, along with his tail. They always try to accept me. He's trying. That's more than I could ask for.
Tristan has a taxi waiting for us downstairs -- it's an interesting train station. The tracks actually stretch above the station, and when you get off you have to walk down a flight of stairs, underneath the tracks, to get to the station itself. Milan catches up to us as we walk down, Gray beside him. "Hey, Lucas, so we're gonna go to a really good restaurant that Gray knows. Do you two wanna come?" My ears twitch.
"You know, I think we should stick with my parents." I say. There's no reason that Milan couldn't have asked me, or maybe I'm just overthinking. "But we'll see you at the game. Our seats are right next to each other." Milan nods and smiles.
"Hey, listen Toby. I wanted to apologize -- I never really wanted to rip Lucas' head off. Well...I did, but I didn't realize he wasn't just some scumbag otter trying to take advantage of you." Milan's words bounce around in my head for a second. It's the honest sincerity in his voice that makes me think that he didn't know what Gray would do.
"It's okay, Milan..." It's hardly a murmur at this point, "I knew you weren't gonna actually hurt him. I'm sorry, too, for ignoring you." I smile up at him, "But if you ever yell at me again, I'll smack you!" He chortles before we go our separate ways. I need to tell him. I need to tell him about Gray -- him and Lucas both.
~~~
The drive to the hotel is quick, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see Forrest warming up to my otter. My father talks about computers with him for the entire drive, and the more distance between Gray and I the better. The hotel is one of the small roadside type, dozens of rooms lining the outer parminter with a front office placed squarely in the middle. The rooms are small, with only one queen bed per room, so I (obviously?) decide to bunk with Lucas.
I set an alarm on my phone for 3:30PM, when we're supposed to leave for the game, and lay in the bed. "So...you ready to tell me?" Lucas' voice fills my ears. I could dodge it. I could deflect it -- tell him that I'll talk to him later? I consider it, I'm not even sure if I'm really willing to admit that one of my best friend's and ex boyfriends tried to...I put the thought out of my mind. I have to tell Lucas.
"He..." Suddenly, it feels like there's a hiccup in my throat, and I can't speak, "He tried to...he tried to force himself --" I can't say anymore. Between the sudden, overwhelming sobs that come from my muzzle and throat, and the blanket of brown fur that engulfs me, I can't talk.
"Oh no..." I feel Lucas' warmth wrap around me, hear his words in my ear and his quiet voice flutter in my ears. "My poor fox...shh..." I'm sobbing, and I feel his paw rub softly on my back fur. "I'm so sorry..." I think Lucas might be crying, just a little. "I'll protect you...I promise." He chokes back a chuckle, "I guess I'm not the best boyfriend in the world, huh? It's okay...I got you..." I take the words and hold them tight to my heart, let them settle into the nooks of my soul.
At some point I drift into sleep. I dream.
~~~
I'm standing on a beach full of black sand. The water laps at my paws, the sun shining brightly in the sky. I see a young, slender, red female coyote, relaxing in the sand. "...Toby?" The voice is as clear as a bell.
"Imani?" I can hardly believe it. I knew I was dreaming, of course. Lucid dreams were always something of a talent of mine. Of course I was dreaming. Imani wasn't alive.
"Who else would it be, fox?" She chimes. "Don't start with me, coyote." It comes naturally.
"I know what my brother did. He's a cunt." I blink at her brashness, and fall to my butt in the sand. "Maybe he really is just having a hard time. There's no excuse for that though. I like your new otter, too."
I push my paws into the sand, and I suddenly realize I'm wearing a small bathing suit. I flex my toes, letting it run between them. "Yeah...I like him a lot. He's so...different than Gray? Gray was...tremendously independant? I've been with Lucas nearly every second of everyday."
"I don't think the otter is gonna hurt you." It's a surprising statement to make, because it hadn't even crossed my mind. Or maybe it had? It's a dream, so it's my subconscious speaking, right?
"I didn't think that Gray would ever try to hurt me either." I blink. I didn't want to say that. At this point, it's closer to watching a conversation between yourself and your best friend.
She forces out a laugh. "Ha! I don't think he was trying to hurt you. Just give you what he thought you wanted."
The thought buzzes in my head. And then another sound buzzes.