FSE

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It was a crisp, cold February morning as the sun started to shine its golden light on the hotel that would soon be host to a large number of eager convention goers. But before they would descend upon it for a weekend of fun and frivolity it housed only a few people involved in the setting-up of the group gathering, not including those who worked at the hotel itself. Of those creatures one in particular stood out as the very tall ferret adjusted his top hat while he walked inside the hotel lobby, filled both with the fatigue of hard work and preparation but also the hope and happiness of delighting so many others with something he had created. Also alcohol, a little something to help dull the former of those two feelings, as well as many others, as he walked up to the area where everything was set up to receive for the first day.

That buzz of anticipation and tequila was staunched somewhat quickly though once he had walked down the hallway past the pool to the hotel rooms, where his gaze fell upon an all-too familiar image plastered on the wall. The ferret walked up to the large poster, put his hand on the green leaf that was presented smack dab in the middle of it, and tore it down. As he was busy crumpling up the piece of paper a demon holding a set of badge stickers came up behind him. "Hey just thought to let you know another printer somehow exploded and-" he stopped midsentence as the ferret continued to crush the poster until it had become a little ball. "I'd ask if something was wrong, but that's fairly apparent."

"How can a joke about a vegetable run for so long?" Alkali asked as he held up the shattered remains of the piece of paper. "And how could this be happening before the con even starts?"

"We can probably go back to the age old premise that furries can and will ruin everything," the demon replied with a shrug before he passed by. "I'm going to get these installed, if we're lucky we can get all our printers working before Sunday night." The ferret nodded and stuffed the pieces of paper in his coat pocket just as he heard the same voice from around the corner. "You may want to take a look at this..."

Alkali had to take a pull from one of the few flasks that he had in his pocket before he peaked his top-hatted head around the corner where the demon stood. His eyes widened when he saw the trail of posters that led all the way down the hallway, all of them featuring both realistic and cartoony versions of the hated vegetable depicted. "Draggor..." he called out as he continued to stare at the impressive amount of posters, the demon looking up at him. "As soon as you're done with what you're doing could you please put an announcement on the website... and then radio me where the tequila is."

Meanwhile back in their hotel room the three early convention-goers giggled to themselves as they piled in through the door, putting the tools of their poster hanging spree on the table before they sat on the bed. "Did you see the look on his face?" A black and red dragon named Arcanox said with as he nearly fell to the floor laughing. "This is going to be the best FurSquared ever!"

"I just hope we put up enough posters," the anthro winged Pikachu pondered as he sat down and opened his laptop. "I'm going to see if we made the twitter feed at all."

"I hope so Chip," the final member of their trio, a white furred wolf with grey underbelly and antlers chimed in. "Of course we're not doing this for the fame or notoriety, or to torture a poor drunk ferret that wasn't even there at the inception of this joke."

The other two started to nod before they stopped and looked at each other with looks of slight confusion. "Wait a second Pinto," Chip spoke up. "If that's not why we're doing it, then why are we?" The three stood there in silence, glancing at one another until finally they all just shrugged and went about their business. As the dragon and wolf talked about their plans for the first day of the con Chip suddenly looked up in shock from his computer and called them all over to his screen. As they gathered on the bed they looked at the newly posted message that had just appeared on the website.

"In accordance with the health and safety of the con-chair, any person or persons caught with kale-related propaganda will hereby be put on triple-secret probation and have all related paraphernalia taken from them," Arcanox read from the screen before they looked at each other. "What on earth is triple-secret probation?"

"A way to avoid copyright infringement," Pinto replied.

"Well you know what this means?" Chip said as he closed the laptop.

"That we should quit while we're ahead and try to enjoy the con without the need to perpetrate a three year running gag?" Arcanox stated.

"No!" Chip replied as he stood up in a spirited fashion. "Now more than ever we are needed in order to bring the spirit of this convention up to the highest level that it can possibly attain! To be able to bring so much life and laughter to the others is our privilege... nay, our destiny! If we pull all this off then we will reach true convention nirvana!"

The other two looked at each other, then at the wolf who had pointed his finger in the air. "...through a kale joke?" Chip finally asked.

"Exactly!"

"Well I'm in."

"Me too."

"Excellent!" Chip exclaimed proudly. "Now it's time for phase two, everyone bring it in around the patron for a hurrah." The three reached out and placed their hands on a framed picture of a panda in a suit and tie holding a balloon that had a smiling face drawn on it. "All Hail Kale!"

*******************************

A skunk whistled to himself as he pushed along a hotel cart that had several boxes on it, the sound of glass clinking together clearly audible as it was guided down the hallway. Just as he was about to carefully turn the corner he heard his radio come to life and stopped for a moment to answer it. "This is Kataze, I'm just about to head to MST3K with all the stuff they need," he replied to the voice on the other line. "Once I get done I'll come back to registration to help."

Once he had finished he started to push the cart again, only to get stopped a few feet later next to a water table by a black and red dragon whose nametag read "Arcanox" on it. "Oh hi there!" he said as the skunk once more carefully halted his momentum. "I hate to say this but I'm a bit of a newbie when it comes to this convention and I was wondering if you could help me with a few things? I promise you it won't take too long, it looks like you're busy so I'll get you on your way as soon as possible."

As the skunk started to answer the dragon's questions he failed to notice as the curtains that adorned the water station began to move before two sets of hands, one with grey and white fur and the other with yellow, snuck out and carefully began to remove the box from the cart and slide it underneath the table. Once it was secured inside the antlered wolf began to take out bottles and hand them to the winged pokemon, who opened them before he attached a clear plastic stopper with two tubes to the opening.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Pinto whispered to Chip as he turned on the device.

"Yeah, it's called a rapid infuser," Chip answered as he turned on the device attached to the other end of the tube, which let out a muffled whirr as it drew in the liquid and passed it through the machine before it left the other side and emptied back into the bottle. "It's supposed to give whatever liquid you pass through it the flavor of the thing you loaded in the machine, in this case our 'secret ingredient'. The process doesn't take too long either, which is good considering how many bottles there are, the only problem was dampening the sound enough so we weren't heard."

Once the machine clicked Chip pulled the stopper out of the bottle and handed it to Pinto, who quickly scribbled something on the label before he closed it and put it back in the box. Once they had gotten halfway done one of the taller bottles accidently slipped through the wolf's hands before he could settle it on the bottom and it made a loud clink, which caused them both to pause for a few seconds. On the outside Arcanox heard the noise as well and could tell the skunk did too, which would have caused him to turn around before the dragon coughed loudly. "I really can't thank you enough for all the help that you've given me," he nearly shouted before he reached out and shook the skunk's hand.

"Hey no problem," Kataze replied as he looked back at the dragon and shook his hand. "If you ever need anything else just ask me or another staff member and we'll help you out right away."

"I will make sure to do that," the dragon replied, and as he glanced over the skunk's shoulder and saw that the box wasn't back on the trolley he continued to shake the other male's hand and spoke a little louder. "It's been a great pleasure meeting you Kataze, and I have to say it's awfully nice weather we are having, hopefully it stays this mild!"

Underneath the water table the two looked at each other as they heard their cohort's loud announcement. "That's the signal!" he exclaimed in a loud whisper as the two began to scramble with the remaining bottles. "We have to get this thing back on the cart now!"

Kataze just looked at the sheepishly grinning dragon in confusion as he continued to shake his hand for a few more seconds, then finally let go. Arcanox moved down the hallway once more and waved at him as he did, which prompted the skunk to glance back at him for a few more seconds before he shrugged, shook his head, then looked back down at the cart. He was just about to start pushing it again when he thought he saw something amiss, then finally noticed that one or two of the boxes were a bit off the edge. It wasn't enough to concern him though and he began to push it once more to its destination.

A few hours later Alkali sat with several others at a table while the projector was being set up to run the movie for the night, several bottles of alcohol ready for consumption at the table as the ferret finished his introduction for the panel. Next to him was his demonic counterpart and on the other side was a panda with a bottle of Malibu rum. "I need a drink so bad right now," Alkali said as he opened the bottle of tequila he had eyed up ever since it got delivered to the room. "It took nearly an hour to get all those posters down."

As the movie started Alkali took a deep swing from his bottle, only to immediately regret it as he tasted something foul and yet regrettably familiar. All around him he heard similar notes of disgust, each of them looking at their drinks or smelling the liquor from the bottle itself. "This is definitely not agave they used in this," the ferret said before he looked at the skunk at the end of the table, who just shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh this is definitely alcohol abuse," Draggor said as he put down the drink in disgust.

"I feel like I just drank a salad." A blue dragon chimed in from the edge of the table.

"Guys, I think it's safe to say that Malibu and kale don't mix," The panda said as he pointed out the stylized leaf that was sketched onto the label. "At least that's what I think these were spiked with."

"Don't blame me," Kataze stated when they all turned to look at him. "I just picked up all the bottles where you told me and delivered them here."

As the table squabbled amongst themselves Alkali stood up and shouted to get everyone's attention. "It appears that someone has spiked our drinks with a certain vegetable that I would rather not say the name of," he exclaimed. "So unfortunately we're not going to be able to drink this and will have to go on without the drinking game."

There was a cacophony of boos and jeers from the crowd as the table of paneled continued to inspect their liquor supply to see if anything hadn't been tainted with the taste of kale. "Drink the booze anyway!" one of them shouted. "That guy put in a lot of money so we could make up all the rules!"

"Yeah we believe in you!" came another voice.

"Do it for the charity!"

The movie had to be stopped as the crowd erupted into a unified cheer of drinking the booze, and after nearly a minute of trying to calm them down eventually all the panelists relented and shook their heads as everyone cheered. Wary glances were exchanged between the table as they restarted the cd again and grabbed their respective bottles of alcohol. "Whoever did this better hope that I never find them," Alkali said as they were forced to drink for the first of many rules that had been created for the night.

*******************************

The next morning Pinto was up early and skulking about the kitchens, trying not to draw attention to himself. All around him the cooks were busy preparing for the complimentary breakfast that those convention goers not too hungover or sleep deprived would soon descend upon for sustenance. Though the three knew that it would be a bit of a gamble to try and pull this particular prank off they also knew that it would be a great way to kick off the new day of the convention. But while all three were participating it was Pinto alone that walked through the hot kitchen before he found the dragon that was the head chef for the hotel.

"Hello there," the antlered wolf said, which caused the head chef to grunt at him before he returned to his checking of the ingredients for the day. "I actually have something from the con chair of FurSquared, they were wondering if you could do something today that's a little special and in theme with the convention that is going on today?"

The dragon looked down slightly at Pinto, then at the piece of paper he was holding. After another side glance he picked it up and looked at it, and the wolf could see him get about halfway through reading it before he stopped and looked down at him again. "You said this comes from the ferret, correct?" the dragon asked, which caused Pinto to nod. "I happen to also know what the theme of that convention is, and that Alkali is not fond of this vegetable. You are also not the first person to suggest such a meal, though normally it's requested to be sent to the ferret himself instead of the rest of the convention. Now buzz off before I call security."

Pinto swallowed hard as he could see the head chef meant business and could feel the eyes of all the other cooks on him as he quickly took the list and walked away. Once again though the object wasn't for him to try and pass the list off, since he knew by now the alert for their pranks had likely been heightened. He was there to pass off what would seem like a normal, run-of-the-mill prank in order to distract everyone while his two partners in crime did the real work.

The dragon and pokemorph had found chef jackets from earlier and had walked around the kitchen while Pinto handed his list to the head cook, which deferred any suspicion from them as they switched out ingredients and changed work orders. They also took the produce they had stuffed in their pockets and distributed it amongst the trays in order for their new additions to the menu to be produced. By the time Pinto was running out of the kitchen the other two had finished up and left as well, hoping that in a few hours they would see the fruits of their labor.

When those few hours finally came Alkali had walked down to the continental breakfast area after he had been informed there was a situation in the area. Once he had gotten there he looked and saw that the butter was fine, which made the ferret immediately suspicious and he started to inspect the rest of the area. It didn't take long for his search to uncover what others had been whispering about, the first thing he noticed was the waffles that other furs were getting had very noticeable flecks of green in it. When he went to where the batter was dispensed he saw a sign on it that read Kale Waffles, something that caused the ferrets eye to twitch as he took out the second of the flasks he had on him and emptied it of its contents.

"Something wrong there Alkali?" a voice said behind him, the ferret turning around to see who it was.

"Yeah, you could say that," Alkali replied as he rubbed his fingers against his head. "I don't suppose there's something you could do about all this craziness Serathin."

The draconic sabre-wolf just shook his head. "Sorry Alkali, but though I may be involved in this story it is not mine to dictate in the content of it," he responded before he put his fursuit head back on. "I of course am speaking in the metaphorical sense. But I can definitely see what I can do to improve your situation, maybe figure something out that could help you in the end. Take care until then."

Once Serathin had left the breakfast area Alkali took another swing from a still-full container of booze before he got on the radio. Though he was remiss in doing so he knew what he had to do and clicked the button to open the line. "Yeah we got a situation down at the breakfast area," Alkali called in. "No... not that kind of situation, I already checked that. We need to have an emergency staff meeting right now."

Meanwhile the three kale saboteurs were all on their phones and laptop as they watched the streaming feed from twitter. About an hour ago they had noticed their antics popping up and now they were delighted to see just how many people were getting in on the kale joke. "This is great!" Chip laughed as he continued to scroll. "What do you think we should do next?"

"It's too bad we didn't do anything with the program schedule," Arcanox stated. "Looks like they're replacing all the kale-laden items with regular food though now, so everyone should be getting the breakfast they want. I'm thinking we crash the Whose Line panel and try and spur the crowd to make kale-related suggestions and watch him shout. Or make it a secret gift for the Dragget show, people bring stuff up to them all the time."

"Hey guys," Chip said as he sat up with his laptop. "We got another word in from the FurSquared staff, apparently now they're getting every dorsai and hotel staffer to crack down on the kale antics. They're even offering a reward to try and get the people who made the healthy additions to today's breakfast."

"What's the reward?" Pinto asked, which caused the other two to look at him. "What? I figure if it's good enough one of us could take the fall and we can collect whatever the reward is."

"Well they don't list what the reward is," Chip continued on. "They do say that those who are caught doing such things will be met with the strictest of punishments that a con chair can enforce on someone, whatever that means."

The three fell silent as the implication of what they had just read fell on them. The stakes had been raised once again, and this time if either of them were caught they likely wouldn't be able to get away with it. "Perhaps this is a sign that we should quit," Arcanox chimed in. "We've had our fun and run this joke long enough, maybe now is the time we just let this joke go and enjoy the rest of the con."

"But... we're furries," Chip replied.

"Yeah, this is what we do," Pinto chimed in.

Arcanox stood there for a second, then shrugged and nodded. "Fair enough," he stated. "But we've been boxed into a corner, which means that this next prank is going to have to be the granddaddy of them all. Luckily I think I know just what we're going to do."

********************************

The next few days passed by rather uneventfully as far as kale pranks were concerned. Convention goers enjoyed the con and the staff, though their sanity was still taxed by normal matters that sprung up during such times, no longer had the additional stress of cleaning up after the mischievous group that had terrorized the con chair. Finally it came to the closing ceremonies, the home stretch where weary convention goers and staff alike realize that their time together was coming to an end. Once everyone gathered in the main events room Alkali began to go through the announcements of what the con made and to thank everyone for coming.

As the group continued on no one noticed the three sneak through the back door and set up positions behind one of the curtains, where a rope they had placed the night before led up into the ceiling. Though they were all tired from their exertions they knew soon it would all be worth it, but until then they were content with waiting in the shadows until the proper time. The con staff each got up and said their piece, and finally after the final cheers died down it came time for the charity to get its money. There was another round of raucous applause and a bit of tears, mostly from the ferret as he presented the check, then it came time that both he and they were waiting for.

"Now onto the final matter of business," Alkali announced as he stood back up on the central stage. "I know there was a few incidents that concerned a prevalent theme, but with a little vigilance from the con staff, the hotel staff, and all of you we seem to have kept such things at a minimum. I think it's safe to say that such pranks are behind us now and we can continue on with a fresh start for next year's FurSquared. Now it is my great pleasure to announce for 2018 our theme is-"

"Now!" Pinto shouted as they pulled the rope, which caused the panels in the roof to slide out and rain down the contents that were perched precariously on top of them. Almost immediately a rain of kale fell on the ferret, filling the top hat that he had taken off during his speech as it piled up around him. The three couldn't help but laugh as they saw clumps of green around the ferret while the con staff just looked on in shock. For a few seconds it was dead quiet, save for the laughter heard backstage, and to everyone's surprise Alkali just put his hat back on his head and looked out in the crowd as they all murmured to one another on what was about to happen next.

"Hey, does anyone else hear the weird Final Fantasy music that just suddenly started to play?" Chip asked as they stood up, then froze in place as the ferret slowly turned his head towards them with gleaming red eyes. "Uh... perhaps it's time to go." The others nodded in agreement but as they moved towards the back door they had used to access the back stage in the first place it suddenly slammed shut in their faces. They banged and pulled on it to no avail, and before they could do anything else all three of them found themselves floating up into the air and back towards the main stage.

The lights in the room flickered and dimmed as they flew into the middle of the room where the audience could see them, Alkali's hands pointed out in their direction. "You have invoked the forbidden vegetable one too many times!" The ferret shouted in a deep, booming voice as the sound of thunder rolled across the entire room. "Now you must face the direst of punishments that a con chair can give!"

"But how did you even know it was us!?" Pinto shouted as the antlered wolf twirled about in the air.

"We got your description from the head chef who remembered that everything with the kale didn't start happening until you had left the kitchen!" Alkali explained as the three continued to twirl in the air. "As for you Arcanox, once we had Pinto's description Kataze recognized you as the one who stopped him before he got to the panel where we all had to drink from those bottles you infused! From those two incidents alone we figured out you three were the ones who were behind all of it! Also, you know, when you laughed behind the stage, dead giveaway."

"Nooooo!" the dragon cried out. "We're all kinda sorry for this!"

"Mercy!" the pokemorph shouted.

The antlered wolf just floated there upside down with his arms crossed. "Yeah, no, we deserve this."

"You can all feel sorry for yourselves after I have delivered your ultimate punishment!" the ferret cried out. "By the powers vested in me by being con chair and from my top hat I hereby banish you to the dimension of kale!"

A loud rumble could be felt throughout the con as the three arcs of light were suddenly jettisoned from the main events room and up into the sky, merging into one as it left Earth's atmosphere. Everyone inside the main events room looked at the ferret that was brushing the greens off of him with agape jaws and dumbfounded looks. "Well that's the end of all that," he said with certainty once he had completely cleaned himself off. "That's what you get when you don't follow the rules at the convention, that and we get a horror story we can tell in a few years maybe. Anyway I think it's safe to say that we're not going to have to worry about them anymore.

Meanwhile in the cold reaches of space a lone object could be seen flying away from the spot on earth where the convention was. Once it had gotten into space the ball of light turned to a flat square with a mirror finish, with the three pranksters seen within both sides of the reflective pane as it flipped over itself while it continued to move away. "We'll get you for this ferret!" Pinto shouted as the other two banged against the dimensional barrier that held them in place while piles of kale could be seen behind them. "You haven't seen the last of uuuuuuuuuus! Or kaaaaaaaaaaaaale!"