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Memaw's Dark Secret

Finding One's True Self Part 34

By Xan Steel

A full cycle had passed since Tarina had brought me back from the brink of death on that day when I went to save her and the triplets. Things were starting to settle in for us, and our five little ones, Dilna, Frin, Ophelia, Omni, and Talina. Five months ago I rushed Tarina to the medical center nearby as she went into labor at home. I called the doctor on the way, and he assured me he would be there. They carted her in immediately when we arrived, as I followed her in while holding her handpaw, and giving her words of encouragement. They wheeled her into the OR as her doctor wanted to insure her and the triplets safety should he need to do a caesarian. As he examined her, I continued to encourage her breathing exercise, as he poked his head up, "Would you like to have a natural birth Tarina?" Her eyes lit up with excitement as she nodded that she would. "All right, then follow my instructions." She nodded as he began to tell her what he needed her to do.

After two hours I was holding all three little ones in my arms. I know I'm ashamed of my thoughts that day, but I was honestly happy to be holding MY younglings. Ophelia had my ears, Omni had my eyes, and Talina had my tail. I was so overcome with joy that I broke down as they all called out to me mentally 'Pawpaw'. I handed them over to Tarina so that she could hold them as she began breastfeeding them, it was a beautiful sight to behold. When we got home, and got everything settled in, I took Dilna and Frin into my arms and just held them, for how long, I can't remember. I just wanted them to know that I did not love them any less, and I reassured them that I would do my best to raise all of them in the happiest home that I could.

Over the course of a few months, and a few home checkups to make sure Tarina and the triplets were doing fine. Her doctor gave them all a clean bill of health and said they were safe for space travel, should she want to go home and inform the rest of her family. When the doctor left I asked her if she wanted to go and see her elders. She thought about it for most of the day as she was unsure, but by the end of the day she told me that she was going to write a letter to her Pawpaw to see if she could come home and visit. I nodded to her and told her that I hoped that he wanted to see her and our younglings, while she hugged me tightly.

A week passed as Tarina had received a letter back from her Pawpaw stating that he would love to see her again, and hear how we were doing in more detail. However her Memaw didn't give an answer on whether or not she wanted her to come back yet, so Tarina decided to chance it. We packed up enough clothes for the both of us, and all five of our younglings. Tarina also said that if I wanted to, I could visit Danora and clear the air with her. I told her that for now I was going to visit with her family first, before seeing Danora.

I booked us a middle class luxury cruiser vessel for our trip over to Travaina IV. While this ship was nice, and had a number of amenities, it definitely was not the same class of ship we were on when we moved over to Valdoro. Once we got settled into our room, we let the little ones watch a video on the screen as Tarina took me to our room to talk for a bit. "Ohm, there is something I need to talk to you about with Ophelia, Omni, and Talina." I sat there quietly listening to her as she continued. "Being that they are part Derlenian, their intelligence level will be more advanced than Dilna, and Frin's due to having some of our knowledge imprinted on them when they awoke in my womb." "Is there something I should be watching out for, or be concerned with?" I asked her directly. "I'm teaching them that being in a family, we help one another in all aspects, to prevent a divide between them and I wanted your help in reenforcing that with them." I gently reached up and stroked her cheek, "You know I'm willing to help wherever you need it, and if it helps them understand better that we don't forget anyone and help each other out, then I will support you in that, just help me out along the way, as I'm not telepathic." I finished with a reassuring smile. "The last thing I need to talk to you about, is that day when they blended minds with us, is the day they also knew everything about you, including your past with Danora." I sat there thinking as I remembered first time she blended with me. It's an interesting experience to know someone so deeply and intimately. When they blended though it was different, as they didn't have any knowledge that I didn't already know about, but I could feel them drawing more and more on mine. "Sweetie, there are no secrets among us. If I need to explain to them about her I will." "Even if it turns out that she's innocent, and you want to take her back as a first?" I didn't need to be telepathic to hear her sadness in that line. I pulled her into a reassuring hug, "Tarina you are my first, I would never change that. If, and only if she is truly innocent, I would take her back as a second, and only because she is Dilna and Frin's Memaw. I know they love you a great deal, and have been doing everything they can to make you happy, but I never wanted them to grow up without their real Memaw. That would mean she would need to be truly innocent of any wrong doing on her part." She sat there holding me tightly hearing my words, as I felt there had been some growing worry in her mind about that, and hearing that I wouldn't replace her as first allowed her mind to relax.

After a week of traveling in space, we finally landed on Travaina IV. I thanked Xanthy and Trey for bring my transport down to the spaceport, as we loaded everything into it. Once we finished and got into the vehicle, as Tarina told the Nav system where we were headed as I took off. While I drove I paid careful attention to the scenery around us, and I'd be lying if I didn't feel apprehensive as we kept getting closer to her Elders place. The direction the Nav system was taking us was directly into the heart of the slums in Trakry City.

We arrived at her Elders place after driving for about an hour an a half, and even through we were in the slums, it was a nicer part of the slums, and I know how much of a contradiction that sounds. I parked my transport out front as to not block the driveway, and proceeded to get out with Tarina. I went to the back and opened the storage boot and pulled out stroller for the triplets as Tarina began to unfasten their harnesses and carefully put them in the stroller. I turned to Dilna and Frin and asked them to be on their best behavior when meeting their new GrandElders, as they said they would. I gave them both a hug and a kiss on the cheek as I turned to the triplets and gave them each a kiss on the cheek, before taking the stroller and pushing it along as Tarina walked beside me with her arm wrapped around mine.

As we walked to the door she mentally told me that, should an argument break out between her Memaw and her not to interfere. I told her I would do my best, but that I would protect her and the younglings by pulling out of the house if need be. She nodded in understanding and then knocked on the door. After a minute it opened up to reveal her Pawpaw. He looked us over for a moment before smiling and hugging Tarina, and turned to me with a hearty handpaw shake. "I'm Shawmen, Tarina's Pawpaw." He said openly. I returned my own greeting. "Nice to meet you Shawmen, I'm Ohm, Tarina's first." I noticed a brief twitch in his jaw line, that told me he was likely expecting someone younger, or another Derlenian. I kept my pleasant smile as he invited us in to the home.

I had to admit it was a lovely home. He offered us a place to sit in the living room as he got us each a drink from the kitchen. I sensed that Tarina was in a private conversation with Shawmen mentally, about what, I could only guess. Perhaps my present was disturbing? To be honest this situation was new to me. I know Tarina wanted to work things out between her Memaw and herself, but something told me that it might not be easy. "Forgive me Ohm, I keep forgetting my manners when it comes to others who are not telepathic." Shawmen said in a sincere tone as he sat in another chair in the living room. "Oh it's quite all right, I got used to it over the years of working on the force." I said polity. "You're a police officer?" "Was. I used to work at the Central Agency as a detective about five cycles ago. Then I got the promotion of a lifetime. I now work with the Alliance in Internal Affairs on Valdoro." I responded. "How did you and Tarina meet?" He asked as Tarina answered for me while explaining that she used to work under me at the Central Agency. She went to explain that after the incident with Mr. Tavar that life there became harder. I then explained that following a complication with my own life, that I requested she come to Valdoro with me and help watch Dilna and Frin. "A Nursemaid?" He said questioningly while looking at Tarina. "Yes, to be honest I felt honored, it was a complete surprise to me, but since I hadn't heard from Memaw on whether I could return home, I decided to accept his offer." She finished. "From there things blossomed between us, and I've not looked back." I finished. Shawmen changed the subject to the younglings as he leaned in closer to look at them. "Now who are these cute little ones?" He questioned in a somewhat playful tone. Dilna and Frin where a little bit nervous, but answered him. "I'm Dilna." "And I'm Frin." Ophelia, Omni, and Talina answered him mentally.

It was at this point I saw a female come out from the hallway with a very angry look. A few seconds passed as Ophelia, Omni, and Talina started crying for what I could only assume was no reason. Tarina turned to me mentally, 'Ohm please take them outside until I call for you.' 'Your Memaw I take it?' She nodded as I tried to send the little ones comforting thoughts to try and get them to relax, as Shawmen brought Dilna and Frin. As we got outside I turned to Shawmen just as he spoke mentally to me. 'Please forgive Cia.' I looked at him. "She never said anything to me, but I'm going to assume what she said mentally was not good." The little ones mentally spoke saying that she hates them and me, because of what we are. Shawmen had a shocked look on him as he spoke aloud. "Has the GrandMaster not restrained them yet?" I looked at him confused as I had not realize that was necessary. He leaned down and began to comfort them as he spoke to me mentally. 'The GrandMaster is supposed to restrain their mental abilities and put a mental barrier on them to protect them from any negative emotions until they reach their fifth cycle.' I could hear him weep gently while trying to calm them down. This was something I didn't know about as Phalynian. I knelt down next to him while gently petting each one of them. "What happened to Cia in the past?" He looked at me in surprise for coming to that conclusion.

Meanwhile inside the home, Tarina finally had it out with her Memaw. "Don't you ever call my mate or younglings 'Things' again! You can hate me all you want, but you will not thrust that hate on them! They've done nothing to you." "Is that what you think, that I hate you?" "What else am I supposed to think. You've been this way towards me for the last 10 cycles. Every little thing I did wrong and you throw me out of the house to sleep on the street!" Cia stared at her Tarina for a moment as her face and muzzle slightly scrunched up before she spoke in a slight broken tone. "I'm sorry, I truly am, but I never hated you." "Well, you certainly don't love me, or you have a real funny way of showing it as I got older!" Cia's voice strained a bit more. "I do love you, but.." she trailed off, as Tarina took a few steps closer, thinking she was finally going to open up and in turn be honest with her. "But what Memaw?" She said softly. This is when Cia broke down, "I just wish you didn't exist." Tarina Stopped and stared at her Memaw in disbelief, before speaking as her voice began to break softly. "Then why did you and Pawpaw have me?" Cia struggled to find her voice again before speaking "He's not your real Pawpaw." Tarina did notknow a heart could break so much. "What?" She said meekly with her handpaws over her muzzle.

"It happened when I was sixteen cycles old. I was walking home from work later than usual, but nothing ever happened in the area where my elders lived, but that night I was grabbed and dragged into a dark alley, and forced to mate with a strange Phalynian at knifepoint." Tarina was weeping heavily with Cia, but she went over to her and put their foreheads together. "Show me Memaw. I want to see." She shook her head no. "I don't want to share my pain." "You need to and you know it." Tarina demanded as Cia gave in and shared everything. Ohm told her Cia was in fact, as Mister Tavar would put it, Raped that night, and because she was only sixteen cycles old, she wasn't and adult and therefore it forced her elders to make the decision of whether not to terminate her pregnancy. "My elders forced me to give birth to you and raise you as punishment for leading a male on." Tarina was in shock, "You were the victim, not him. How could they not know that?" "It didn't matter to them. All that mattered was making sure I was responsible for my actions, you are a constant reminder of that day. When I heard about what you did with Mister Tavar, made these memories resurface, memories I thought I was finally over, but it made me think he was apart of you and acting through you in a odd sort of way, and I just couldn't handle it." After hearing everything and finally understanding her Memaw, Tarina leaned in and put their foreheads together again, and began to remove the memory from Cia. When it was said and done Cia looked at her still weeping, and saw Tarina, with her own tears. "Why?" She asked softly. "Because, I want my Memaw back. I want her to be able to hold her grandyounglings, and to get to know my first like I do. Not to mention, you've lived long enough with that nightmare. No more. Like what Mister Tavar did for me, I'm forgiving you and freeing you of punishment." She finished in a more upbeat and happy tone. Cia grabbed her and pulled her into the tightest hug she could give while weeping heavily in happiness.

Outside Shawmen is playing with Dilna and Frin while I was changing Ophelia, Omni, and Talina. When Shawnmen spoke with some excitement, "She did it." "What?" "She healed Cia, maybe now happiness can return to our home." As I finished changing the little ones, I turned towards the front door after hearing it open and saw Tarina and Cia come out. They walked over and joined Shawmen and I, as I turned around holding all three little ones. Cia walked up to me as Tarina took Shawmen off to the side. "Please forgive me, I said a terrible thing to you and the younglings, and I'm sorry." I smiled at her as Talina started to reach out to Cia. "Well, Only they know what you said, and it looks as if Talina wants to hug you." I said as I handed her over as Ophelia and Omni followed their Te'dar. "They are really beautiful." She said softly

As Tarina and Shawmen got farther away, she turned to him with tears still running down her face and muzzle. "I just found out that you're not my biological Pawpaw." He looked at her with a sad look before speaking, "I wish I was Tarina, but I'll understand if that makes a difference to you." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter to me, as you came in during my fifth cycle, and did your best to be a good and decent Pawpaw, and because of that I can truthfully say, you are my Pawpaw." She finished with a cute smile while wiping away her tears of happiness. He came in close and wrapped his arms around her, as she wrapped her arms around him, while he softly wept in happiness.