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Talking to Nikki that day felt good. And even though Nikki was ashamed of it, it was just another piece of the puzzle that was set in place. She needed time for herself to sort things out and that's when she decided to go on a road-trip by herself. For three weeks, she'd drive around the country and visit places to set her mind straight. Now I know it's something she's done before but I didn't like the idea of her going alone... So many things could happen to a lonely, naive girl out there... Nevertheless, Nikki wasn't gonna change her mind and I believed her when she said she needed to do this for herself. I wasn't gonna stop her from going, it's not like I was able to. I just asked her to be careful and stay in touch with me once she left Ravello. I was happy for Nikki that she finally had something to set her mind on and live a little. Especially after everything that happened, she really needed it the most. To see that Nikki was doing relatively well made me feel good... Now I just needed to find a way to feel good myself... Things have been so exhausting for me with the way it went but now that Nikki was slowly making a turn for the better, it felt like a huge load dropped off my shoulders... And I too needed something for myself. I just had to follow Nikki's example and needed something to set my mind on as well... Which I found...

When Samantha told me a couple of months ago that she was coming home during spring-break, I couldn't have been more happier. And two weeks ago, Sam told me that she was able to make it. I was so happy that Sam finally came home after four years... She'd only stay for a week but I was planning to make the most out of it... So Blain and I started to come up with all sorts of ideas for us to do while she was here and within no time, we planned the whole week full... This was going to be a blast and nothing could ever take that away from me... I counted the days until her arrival and when the day finally came that Blain and I had to pick her up from the train-station, I was feeling quite excited and nervous at the same time. I couldn't remember the last time I've felt so happy... And feeling like that again after such a long time was overwhelming... Strange even... I just wished I was able to hold that feeling without asking too many questions... It would make everything so much easier... That's why I needed Sam, now more than ever...

"Your attention please. This is a platform alteration for the 10:38 Renarian National Railway service to: Stanford. This train will now arrive at platform 4-B. Platform 4-B for the 10:38 Renarian National Railway service to: Stanford.'

'Any sign of her yet, Blain?'

'You sure its platform 6-A?'

'That's what she said on the phone half an hour ago.'

'See, this is exactly why I hate train-stations.'

'Too crowded?'

'That, and too many delays.'

The platform we were waiting on was so crowded and people were bustling left and right when the train came to a full stop. Sam was supposed to arrive half an hour ago but her train got delayed so Blain and I waited at a kiosk on the platform where she would arrive. We quickly made our way to the boarding area once we heard its arrival announcement and so many people were exiting and entering the train that we could hardly spot her. We decided to walk around the platform in search of her and eventually waited at the stairs while keeping an eye out for her but so far, no luck. But after a while, Blain all of a sudden poked me in the waist.

'I see her!'

'Where?!'

'Near that kiosk, to the right of that advertisement board. Sam!! Saaaam!!'

'Samantha, over here!'

'She doesn't see us.'

'Come on, let's go!'

I spotted her up ahead, just like Blain said where she was. She kept looking around when she heard her name but couldn't make out where it came from so Blain and I went to her instead. It wasn't easy making our way through the crowd but once we moved closer and called her out, it didn't took long for her to notice us. The moment she saw us, she had a huge smile on her face and hauled her suitcase as she tried to get to us as fast as possible...

'Heeeeey!'

'There she is!'

'Hi guys!'

Samantha dropped her suitcase once we got to her and threw her arms around us to hold us close... Firm hugs, kissing our cheeks... Looking at each other for a moment, only to get tightly hugged once more... We stood there for a while being all excited but once Sam looked at me, I could see she got a little emotional while she still had that beautiful smile on her face... Her luscious green eyes twinkling every time she looked at me while she kept hugging us... Seeing her like that made me a little emotional as well... I've never seen her so happy... And I couldn't be happier to have her back...

'Can't believe I'm finally home! I've missed you guys so much!'

'Awww! We missed you too!'

'Wow, look at you, Blain! You look great!'

'You too, luv! Welcome home, Sam!'

'It's so good to be back! I can't believe I'm here! Ceylan! It's so good to see you!'

'I'm glad you're finally here! How was your trip?'

'Ugh, horrible! I had to change trains at Witherby station, was delayed twice and I had to stand for most of the trip because the train was too crowded.'

'I just told Ceylan, its exactly why I hate trains.'

'Yeah, me too! But hey, I finally made it!'

'That's a big ass suit case you're carrying, Sam!'

'Hey, you can't blame me for knowing how to accessorize!'

'You're sure you don't plan on staying for more than a week?'

'Ha! I wish! It's just for the week! I've wanted to come sooner but...'

'It was just a matter of time before you'd find your way back to Ravello.'

'You know me, Ceylan, I'll always find my way back to you guys!'

'It's a good thing you did! I'm starting to drive Ceylan insane!'

'Haha, how so?'

'With him being philosophical whenever he's stoned.'

'Those are the real kind of questions that matter in life, Ceylan.'

'Aaaaaanyway! Sam had a long trip and I believe she's tired and more than eager to leave this place.'

'Absolutely!'

'Great, lets go to my place first to drop your suitcase off and we'll head into town!'

'Sounds like a plan!'

'Let me carry that for you.'

Blain picked up Sam's suitcase and after that, we made our way down the stairs to the central hall. Along the way, we passed the food-court and even though I was starving myself and was tempted to buy something, I tried to ignore the scent of delicious food and not to look at the menus scattered across. It's way too expensive here... I saw a guy slicing kebab of a vertical roast spit and I had a hard time to look away... We eventually made our way to the underground car park and after I paid the ticket, we were on our way home...

It would take about twenty minutes before we'd get there but driving with Blain and Samantha was never a dull moment. Along the way, we chatted, laughed and even sang when Samantha turned up the radio. Now I know I can't sing for shit but Samantha actually has a really good singing voice and she's pretty damn good at it too... The singing stopped when the radio was broadcasting the news, weather and traffic report instead so it got turned down. Traffic was slow downtown but once once we made it out of the city center and got on the highway, I floored it and finally manged to pick up the speed...

'Hey Ceylan, you sure your parents are okay with me staying for the week?'

'Yeah, definitely! Why's that?'

'I just don't want to be anyone's burden.'

'No of course not.'

'I brought something for them, just to say thank you.'

'Awww, that's so sweet of you! What'd you bring?'

'A box of Xiu Zhuang for Catherine and a bottle of McKendrick Scotch for Simon.'

'Oh, Catherine was looking for that! You can't get any of that around here.'

'Shi shang? What's that?'

'It's some sort of special tea blend. Really good but rather hard to find.'

'That's so nice of you, I'm sure they'll love it.'

'I do hope so.'

'Don't be silly, of course they will.'

'Hihi... So uhm... What are we gonna do this week?'

'As so it happens, Ceylan and I have already planned the week ahead.'

'Yeah! We'll hang out in town this afternoon and for the evening, I've made reservations at Ryoshi's!'

'Ryoshi's? That sushi place?!'

'Yup!'

'Yes! I haven't had sushi in ages, I'd love that! But you don't even like fish!'

'Ceylan hates it, despises it with every fiber in her body.'

'They've got other things to eat as well, I'm sure I'll find something.'

'Honestly, you're a feline! How can you not like fish?!'

'I'm probably the only feline in the world who doesn't like any it.'

'I still don't get that. I've known you for fourteen years and that's still a mystery to me.'

'Hehe...'

By the time the three of us got to my place, Simon and Catherine were waiting by the door the moment they saw us arrive. Once they opened the door, Samantha gave them a big firm hug and Simon and Catherine were so happy to see her... Sam had a bit of a bumpy childhood due to her parents divorce when she young and her mother's absence ever since... And I think that somewhere along the way, Sam considered Catherine to be like a mother to her... In all these years, Samantha never forgot what the two of them did for her... And it really showed the day she got home... I've never seen her so happy... And Catherine got a little emotional herself when she saw her after all these years again...

Once we made our way inside, I noticed the kitchen table was set... A basket full of croissants, bagels, baguettes and bread rolls... A tea and coffee pot on a warmer, a bottle of juice and a carton of milk... Seeing fried pieces of bacon and scrambled eggs, all sorts of cold cuts, sandwich spreads, sausages and even pancakes made me even more hungry. While I was making my way to the sink to wash my hands before eating, I heard Simon, Catherine, Samantha and Blain were chatting with each other and hearing them laugh really set the mood... Once I dried my hands and turned around, I saw the four of them sitting at the table having a great time with each other while they were sharing stories... And I remember that I just stood there for a moment, feeling something I haven't felt in quite a long time... It really did me good to see them all together again... It felt like Samantha never went away... Sam just simply picked up where she left off... For a moment there, I had a flashback of how things once used to be with my own family... And even though I miss them very much, I can't say I was sad about it... It made me happy to know that I lived long enough to experience it once more... To still have that of which I thought was lost long ago... And I couldn't have been more grateful to have seen it that day...

Once we stuffed ourselves, Blain carried Samantha's suitcase upstairs to my room where I helped her unpack and placed her clothes in a separate drawer of my wardrobe while Blain went downstairs again. And once we were done, Sam sat down on my bed and looked at me with a smile... She held my hands when I stood in front of her, staring me in the eyes as I looked down on her...

'It's so good to be back... I've missed you so much, Ceylan...'

'I've missed you too...'

'I should've come a lot sooner... I didn't mean to stay away for so long but...'

'It's alright... You've got your own life to live, Sam...'

'Not when it's keeping me away from the people I love the most...'

'Heh...'

'I mean... Four years is a long time to be away from home and uhm... Coming back feels like I've never left... I've always thought that you'd move on because friends come and go as the years pass by and yet here you are...'

'You know I'll always be here waiting for you...'

'I know but... I shouldn't have left like that... Not when there was still so much to talk about... And we never actually did until recently... But I feel that we should've had that conversation in person...'

'Heh... I'm just happy that you're finally here... And I think that we should enjoy every moment together as much as we can, no matter what...'

'Yeah, yeah, you're right... Absolutely...'

'Alright...'

'You've already prepared a mattress for me to sleep on...'

'Uhm, yeah, I-I, uhm... I can always sleep on the couch tonight if you're not comfortable sharing a room together...'

'I don't want to kick you out of your own room...'

'No, no, but I'm just saying... I'd understand if you would feel that way...'

'Do you...? I mean... Are you uncomfortable sharing a room together...?'

'I don't have a problem sharing a room together... But sharing a bed however is a bit of a different story so...'

'I see...'

'I just hope that neither of us would hold it against each other if things turn out to be different than we expected... And I hope that nothing will change between us regardless of what might happen...'

'So do I...'

'Anyway, I think we're pretty much done here, uhm... We still got a whole day planned ahead of us and we're burning day light so...'

'Is it okay for me to take a quick shower before we go...? It's been a long trip...'

'Y-Yeah, yeah, go right ahead... There are clean towels in the linen closet down the hallway...'

'Alright...'

'Can I get you anything else?'

'No, I'm good... Thank you...'

Sam averted her eyes for a moment while she had a weak smile on her face but stayed quiet nevertheless... And I just stood there, gazing in her eyes every time she looked at me... She's just as breathtakingly beautiful as she was four years ago, the last time I saw her in person... It stayed quiet for a while between us... Things became a little awkward once we were alone together... Maybe Sam didn't feel that way but I sure did and I just couldn't shake off that uncomfortable feeling that started to get more intense the longer I was alone with her... And I think Sam saw that I started to feel uneasy...

'You alright...?'

'Yeah, yeah, it's just... I'm so happy that you're finally here...'

'Me too...'

'So uhm... Go take that shower and we'll head into town, okay...? We're gonna have a lot of fun today...'

'Just like old times...'

'Exactly...'

'Heh...'

'A-Anyway, uhm... I should probably head downstairs so uh, well... Heh...'

'Yeah, sure... I'll be right down...'

'Okay...'

I handed Sam my bathrobe while she smiled at me before I turned around to walk out of my room to give her some privacy... I looked back one last time before closing the door behind me and I watched how she took her top off and unclipped her bra before turning away, making her back face the mirror... It felt strange to realize that we've been so close and yet she seems so far away now... I sighed quietly and went down the stairs as fast as I could...

When I got to the living-room, I saw Blain sitting on the couch flipping through the pages of some magazine while Simon and Catherine were busy in the kitchen doing the dishes. Once Blain looked up and noticed me, he placed the magazine back on the table... And when I sat down next to him on the couch, he could hear me sigh quietly as I stared ahead in blank space... Blain poked me in the waist and I already knew he was able to see that something was up... I think my expression said enough...

'Hey, you okay?'

'Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Everything's fine.'

'You sure? You look like you've seen a ghost.'

'I don't know, I uhm... Heh... It's just... It's been too long since I've seen her...'

'You can't hold that against her, Ceylan.'

'I-I know but... I just don't want to say goodbye to her again at the end of this week... It feels like I'll lose her all over again...'

'You never lost her... She's here now, Ceylan... That's all that matters... You're overthinking it... Don't...'

'It's a bit more complicated than that...'

'It always is with you... What's on your mind? Just tell me.'

'Hey, uhm... Can I get you a drink...?'

'Don't change the subject on me... But no, thanks...'

'Alright...'

'Just talk to her, Ceylan... It's not easy for her as well...'

'What do you mean?'

'Having a friendship over a long distance is different... I mean, when I came back from Sercia, it took a while for me to settle in and reconnect with friends after I've been gone for so long... I can imagine that she feels the same...'

'Heh...'

Blain stayed quiet after that... And as I sat there on the couch in total silence, staring in blank space, my mind started to wander off... I started to ask myself my I felt so uncomfortable to be alone with her... Hearing the doubt in her voice made me start to question things myself... To me, it felt like I had to get to know her again after so many years... And it's strange because I never had any of that whenever I was talking to her on the phone or had video calls through Skype... But now that she was actually here, I had no idea how I could pretend that all was well... And she would find out sooner or later... To have had that small moment together with her alone in my room brought back a lot of memories... Part of me wanted things back the way they used to be but I was also afraid that she would not feel the same about me anymore... And even though there was no reason whatsoever for me to feel that way, I still did... Being alone with Sam reminded me of the things we used to have and knowing that I might never be together with her the way I wanted to was difficult to accept... Not being able to accept that will inevitably influence my friendship with her... If I wasn't able to accept the fact that Sam might want to stay friends, how would that influence me...? How was I able to pretend that nothing ever happened between us if she wanted to stay friends...? And perhaps I expected something entirely different from her... Truth was, I wasn't sure what I was expecting... The feelings I once had for her just weren't there when I wanted it more than anything and it confused the hell out of me... Seeing her after four years again proved to be a lot more difficult than I imagined it to be... And like I said: at the end of the week, I had to say goodbye to her again and she would be gone for God knows how long... It felt strange to know that I've had sex with her while my feelings for her weren't mutual... So what exactly did I meant to her...? Her presence made me happy that day but it also made me doubt myself more than ever and it felt as if my friendship with her was starting from the ground up again... And I just couldn't figure out how I was supposed to make that happen...

When your friends come back in your life after a long period of time, you're supposed to be happy, right...? They may come back for different kinds of reasons but if you know that you're one of those reason, shouldn't that make you feel like you're on top of the world...? Isn't that supposed to make you feel loved and cherished...? Isn't that their way of saying how important you are to them...? I suppose but it never felt like that... To me, her absence was one of the reasons why I was feeling the way I did during our brief moment alone together... It's easy for Blain to say that I need to talk to Samantha about it but he didn't know that Sam and I have been together... Saying it like that would make it sound like I blame Sam for leaving me... I was so happy that she came back but it made me feel so uneasy... And I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep the things the way they were because she's been gone for four years... Chatting and Skype video calls just isn't the same as seeing someone in person... It makes it so much easier... But now that Sam was here, I just didn't know... All I wanted was for us to pick up where we left off... But in my eyes, it just didn't seem possible the more I was thinking about it... And I just didn't know why... But I had to put those feelings aside... So I just put up my fake smiles and pretended all was well the moment she came downstairs...

At around two o'clock, the three of us headed into town to just hang around like old times. Checking out different stores and trying to resist the urge to buy something I didn't need. And Sam has always been quite the fashion doll so needless to say, Sam and I visited a couple of clothing stores, tried on a few pieces and then left. Well, after returning the items we tried on, that is... Anyway, we dragged Blain along, much to his annoyance because he hated shopping for clothes, especially whenever I was taking him along. So that day was no exception. I was trying on some heels, which to my surprise, were sold in my size while Samantha tried on different tops. I've never cared much for the clothes I wore but Sam did... But it didn't matter what she'd wear... Sam could wear a garbage bag and she'd still look gorgeous... And while I was trying on some heels, Blain was bored stiff out of his mind and sulking on a bench, not too far from the fitting rooms... Every time Sam came out wearing something different, she'd stand in front of the mirror and posed for a bit in front of it, looking at the top she was wearing from different angles by turning around... And every time she did, Blain just looked at her... At some point though, Blain got behind her and imitated her every move, pulling a duck-face every time, as a way of mocking her... Needless to say, Sam noticed it in the reflection of the mirror and she started laughing when saw him acting like a goof-ball... Doing things like that in front of her triggers Samantha's inner goof-ball and she just joined him in acting stupid... Pulling stupid duck-faces and exaggerated body building poses looked so ridiculous but it was so funny to see... Sam pulled out her mobile phone, held it up high and took a selfie of her and Blain, making funny faces while I had a smile on my face seeing them like that... And when Samantha gestured me to come over, I got up from the bench and went over to them... With Sam in the middle, Blain to the left of her and me on her right, our faces were close together and the three of pulled the stupidest duck-face you'd ever come across on the internet... Seeing myself like that was downright embarrassing but so stupidly hilarious... Needless to say, our actions didn't exactly go unnoticed and after we realized a couple of people were staring at us, we got out of the store as fast as we could... And on to the next...

Samantha was right... Most people would change after all the things that get thrown in their way in life... But not Samantha... Perhaps she became a little less immature and more of a chatterbox than I remembered her to be but everything else was still there... Her cheerful, upbeat personality just radiated positivity wherever she went... Her positive and optimistic attitude in life had a great impact on mine and made me see things from a different perspective... And as long as I was around her, I felt was able to take on the world and that nobody could me bring me down... Seeing her so happy that day made me feel like that again, if only for a moment... But to me, it was enough to make me feel whole again... Seeing that picture again after all these years reminded me what our friendship was about and what made it so special... And what Samantha and Blain truly meant to me... Even when the feelings weren't mutual...