Untouchable: Chapter 20: What should I say
Oliver sat at the restaurants bar a catnip infused vodka in paw. He worried that Sean wouldn't make it, he hadn't heard from him, not one text. He had gotten used to messages appearing every hour at the least. The silence pulled at him like the fear that haunted him since he was first diagnosed that he might die alone. He searched the hosts area, the bottle of his meds rattled in his pocket. He took them out and played with the label now half torn from a days preoccupation. He thought about a medical tag like the bracelet Sean wore, he could get one or just wear the bottle in a collar. Rattling like an artificial heart beat, his morals and his life as a pair of opposed angels on his shoulders.
A puget breeze washed through the bar as the door opened, carrying Sean's damp scent.
He pocketed his meds then stood.
Oliver smiled when Sean's water manged muzzle brightened at their eye contact. Oliver paid his tab as Sean came over, then asked the bar tender, "can I take my drink to my table?"
"Yeah go for it," she said.
"How was your day Sean?" Oliver asked.
"Shit," Sean laughed.
"Uhm, ok, details?" Oliver asked while their waiter led them to their table.
"Well, my phone broke yesterday, I missed Xander for a meeting because of it, oh and then the plumbing system flooded every floor of city hall with poo, hence the shitty day," Sean said.
"Well at least you weren't bored," Oliver said then held the chair out for Sean.
"No, not at all, how was your day?" Sean asked then shuffled looking around with an embarrassed scent before he sat in the proffered chair. Oliver scooted him in to the table then took his own seat.
"Oh, I visited my doctor this morning, and worked, it was a low-key day," Oliver said, uncertain if he was ready to tell Sean about his health.
"Low-key sounds pretty nice, why were you at the doctor?" Sean asked.
"I've been under the weather for a while," Oliver said.
"Well I don't mind if I get the flu or a cold, it's good to spend time with you," Sean said, then reached for Oliver's paw.
"What about your allergy?" Oliver asked.
"I can hold your paw and this isn't the hand I eat with anyway, so its a lower risk, Sean said.
Oliver took Sean's paw, then said, "I missed you today, I kept checking for your texts, I was worried."
"I'm sorry, I have a temporary number, I can put it in your phone," Sean said.
Oliver passed Sean his phone as their waiter cameback to the table, she said, "i'm Felicity, anything I can get started for you two today?"
"i'm interested in your scallop salad, and the Dungeness crab for the main dish," Sean said.
"Miss is the catfish good?" Oliver asked.
"oh my gosh yes, but I'm also an Eagle, so I really love fish!" Felicity said.
"Well I do too, i'll have a catfish for my main dish, and could I have the hummus platter for an appetizer?" Oliver asked.
"You most certainly can, do you want everything all at the same time or appetizers first?" Felicity asked.
"The appetizers first would be great," Sean said.
Oliver looked around the restaurant, then said, "I like this place, you have the water view, and great drinks, I assume the food is good-" Oliver paused at Sean's preoccupied expression, "everything ok in there?"
"Oh sorry, it was nothing, I was just imagining something stupid," Sean said.
"You seemed to like it, so it must not have been that stupid," Oliver said, then took Sean's paw again.
"Well at this point it could never happen, but I imagined you as a dad, taking kits and pups here, and me," sean said scented of a thick blush.
Oliver blushed a happy warmth, then asked, "were they our kids by chance?"
"Yeah they were, we had two boys and a girl, a tiger, a wolf, and the girl a hybrid," sean said, "you want kids? I know I do."
"I do, but I don't know if I'll be able too," Oliver said and thought about his health.
"Adoption or the surrogacy process aren't easy," Sean said.
Oliver knew he needed to tell Sean, he said, "It's not that I Sean I-,"
Felicity returned to their table, "I am sorry, Uhm..." she said then looked back at the kitchen, "Our chef that makes the crab dish is refusing to cook for you, is there something else our other chef can make you?"
"Why won't they cook for me?" sean asked in surprise.
"He said he reserves the right to refuse service, to bigots, I got my manager, we couldn't change the chefs mind, I've never seen him act like this," she said.
"That's absolute shit!" Oliver said, "can I go speak with the guy."
"It's ok Oliver, he probably saw the news report, and doesn't know anything other than that, he just sees someone he thinks hates him so he feels it's ok hating me," sean said.
"But you don't hate cats it's an allergy," Oliver said hackles raised.
"Things aren't fair, and what you want won't help him or me in the long run," Sean said while he gently pulled on the paw he still held.
Oliver growled then sat back down.
"Felicity, can the other chef make us both the catfish?" Sean asked.
"Yeah they normally make it anyway," she said.
"That will be fine, and can you look at my allergy tag and tell the other chef I hold no ill will," sean said.
"Yeah I will, I'm really sorry about this," she said then headed back to the kitchen.
"You should have pushed back against that," Oliver said.
"And have it all work out like it did with my sister?" sean asked, "I've thought about that whole thing, how the conversation went over and over, thinking about how I could have made her listen, then I realize I only gave her a yes option, agree with me on my terms or you're not family, you were the one who helped me see it."
"I still don't like it, he shouldn't have done that," Oliver said, relieved that the conversation had moved from his need to talk about his health.
"I can only layout the best cards and see how others react, I like this place and don't want one chef to ruin that for me." Sean said.
"It just makes the meal awkward," Oliver said.
"Talking about awkward, it didn't seem to soon for me to think about pups?" Sean asked.
"I... Uhm, maybe, your changing the subject," Oliver said while his knee rattled the table.
Sean squeezed his paw, then said, "you are quickly becoming my second best friend, and if I didn't have an allergy, someone I would what to see where things could go."
"Isn't thinking of kits and pups just a tad fast I mean we are on date three and the first two were a hospital visit and family feud, and we can't ever be be together," Oliver said.
"Oh I totally agree it's way to fast, but it's precisely because we can't be together that I'm ok with thinking like this," sean said, "I mean we'd need to know so much more about each other... I must sound like a total psycho to you right now."
Oliver's nerves relaxed, he said, "yeah, only completely and absolutely."
"I'm not good at dating, I haven't done much, everyone had red flags that freaked me out." Sean said.
"Like asking to bear your pups on the third date?" Oliver said with a quick squeeze of Sean's paw.
"Well, I was embarrassed, and wasn't going to tell you, but you asked," sean said.
"Don't worry if it weren't for our obstacles I'd be considering a future with you too," Oliver said.
Sean panted in appreciation.
"Hey gentlemen here are the appetizers, anything else, more drinks, there on the house," Felicity said when she returned to the table.
"No more for me thanks I drove," Oliver said.
"I got a retriever, can I have a Long Island," Sean said.
"I'll be right back," Felicity said.
"So have you and Xander talked, I mean with your phone broken?" Oliver said.
"No but I have a bunch of voicemails to go through, and I missed a meeting with him so I don't know if he'll answer," sean said.
"Well I talked to him yesterday and told him that you wanted to apologize," Oliver said.
Sean pulled his paw away, then Olivers heart skipped, "I'm going to the bathroom, and thank you for talking to him for me."
Oliver relaxed and thought about Sean sunset backdrop but the two furs holding paws next to eachother.
The rest of the meal went by while they chatted and flirted. Oliver wanted Sean to come home with him, so they could continue the night, but his nausea was back and he knew they couldn't. They parted ways with a paw shake instead of a hug. Oliver went home and hopped paw to paw waiting for the elevator to reach his floor then he ran to the bathroom.
His paw smelt like Sean he didn't want to wash it but he needed to and rinsed off in the shower. He took the bottle out of his pocket and got out a pill to take then he put the bottle in the bathroom drawer. He held the pill and wondered if this was all a punishment for sinning or being gay, or having shots and blood draws. He now lived a life of more actions he did not want to take. He closed his eyes, prayed for forgiveness and took his punishment.
He went to the living room which still smelt vaguely of sex to him and watched tv.
A warm dizziness settled over him, about an episode and a half into the evening, so he stumbled to bed. His vertigo and nausea were his only companions as he fell asleep.