FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I looked down at the cat on the table as I walked in the room and put gloves on my hands. Someone already had an IV and a tube in her, so I presumed it was bad. This day marked my second week working here at a clinic that did emergency care as well as day-to-day things. It was nine at night and I had been called and told to come by because I lived right around the corner from the place.

"Hey, we're looking at impact trauma from a car," my co-worker, Beth, spoke up. Besides us, only one other person was in the room. I looked down at the poor cat and saw a big gash in her right flank and leg and another one over her upper mid-section. I sighed and shook my head slightly thinking of the pain she must have suffered tonight.

"Internal bleeding and lacerated musculature I presume?" I asked almost too casually. Jeez, was I already becoming jaded to this job? The third person in the room, a more senior veterinarian than I, answered.

"Yeah, the usual," he said sarcastically to me, mocking my cold tone. I got to work, trying to find the source of the bleeding inside her body while Beth was sewing up muscles on the flank, but we were losing her quickly. A tiny heart monitor tied around her told me her pulse and it was going into the red. I started to clean and sew up lacerations in her chest cavity when the thought occurred to me. We could pull donor blood. There wasn't much of it, though, and the idea was to keep it for pets. Clearly this cat was a stray or something. Still, I felt like she was important. Like she still deserved it. A few moments later I decided my colleagues wouldn't even allow it and just kept on with the surgery until finally the cat gave out, dying there on the table in front of me.

I wasn't jaded, I felt every ounce of pain that I did the time we lost a pet cat a week ago. Maybe even more. I caught myself sniffling, but the others stayed quiet and covered the cat up, wrapping her in what was basically a pillow case. The last thing I saw of her was a flower shaped marking on her forehead, starkly orange against the white and black fur on the rest of her. I nodded and told myself that my co-workers wouldn't have allowed the transfusion, or that she would have died anyway, but I couldn't keep the thoughts about it out of my head. I drifted back home, seeing another cat out of the corner of my eye as I left the clinic, and plopped myself down in bed where I was going before I got the call. I wiped the waterworks out of my eyes, which had started the moment I got back on the road and out of sight, and closed them. I had an early day tomorrow so I made myself drift off to sleep. Strange thoughts and dreams entered my mind for the next nine and a half hours as I slept. Images of strangely coloured clouds and the stars above them flooded through my dream. Cats also appeared before me, huddled together around something, and a black cat's nose reflected off w--

I woke with a start, flailing my arms around for a second and feeling myself as though to make sure I was alright. The awareness of the morning gripped me and I remembered my dream, wondering why it instilled that kind of fear in me. Hell, it might have been from a different dream entirely. Dreams were weird like that. I stood up and walked to the bathroom, picking up my toothbrush and brushing my teeth as I scolded myself for not doing it the night before. I poured some soda into a cup in the kitchen and drank it down, realizing I didn't have time to make anything solid before work as I had woken up a bit late. I hadn't set my alarm. I scolded myself for that, too. When I finally found my keys and scrambled into the car, I checked my Facebook notifications quickly on my phone and started the engine. Nothing interesting to look at today. When I arrived at work a couple minutes later, I scolded myself one more time for not walking. That quickly escaped my mind though when I saw my hand open the door. It looked like it was changing shape. My nails fell off and I felt myself stifle a scream.

"This can't be real," I said quietly to myself as I looked around and then back at my hand and the other hand as they grew thick with dark hair or... fur... and continued changing shape, growing new 'claws' out of each digit where my nails used to be. I coughed several times as I knelt onto the ground, feeling my chest as it began to change as well. I felt my sides to make sure and it was true, my ribs were changing shape and my clothes were getting bigger. The whole world was getting bigger as I felt my head spinning and then suddenly heard it smack hard against the ground. My vision was blurry and my clothes much bigger than I was when I finally felt my senses returning to me. Where was I, again? I fell onto the pavement near my work but now... I felt myself suddenly jerk up onto all four.. FOUR!? My four legs shook under me as I saw the monster looming over me. It was gigantic, at least 20 times my size. As my vision became more focused, I began to recognize it. It was a car. An automobile. Mine. But why was it so big? "I'm definitely still dreaming," I breathed as I padded(which I guess is another word for walking when you have pads on your feet) toward the door to my job as I looked back at my clothes on the ground and realized with another start that I was naked. I scrambled and jumped to cover myself as Beth walked out of the clinic and looked down at me. She was big, too! As my jumbled mind was beginning to think this was some kind of everything-is-big conspiracy, I saw her eyes. This was not normally how she looked at me, her co-worker and might-I-say "friend." She walked on past me with big footsteps that felt loud in my ears and I turned myself to face her sideways. She was in the middle of the parking lot just looking at my car, which was blurry to me again, turning back and muttering something under her breath.

"Hey, kittypet," I heard a voice nearby. It sounded different somehow but my head still hurt so I figured that was the problem.

"What's a kittypet?" I called in the direction of the voice, my eyes closed as things began to blur again and my head ached. "I'm not a kitty or a pet," I added.

"Are you hurt?" the voice, now distinctly male, asked me.

"I think so, yeah. My head hurts like a mother after I hit it on the ground over there," I said and pointed with one of my front "feet." I opened my eyes again and saw a grey, white bellied cat ahead of me on the same level as I was. I blinked a couple of times and my vision seemed to return to clarity. "Yeah, I'm definitely messed up, because you're a cat!" I said and felt a rumble in my throat. "Hell, I think I am, too!" I said in a humourous tone. The cat looked at me, both of his eyes flicking up to my forehead for a moment and then back down to meet my eyes again.

"You are a cat," he answered. I caught my breath and stared at him a moment. "And yes, I am too," he said, looking incredibly confused. "You must have been hurt bad to forget something like what you are. I would ask Onerose what to do with you but she... That's what I'm here for, actually," he said and sighed as he looked at me. "Onerose, our medicine cat, was here last night. I saw her get hit by a twoleg monster on the Thunderpath and Cloudstar told me to see if she left the den that the twolegs took her too afterwards. I had to run as fast as I could to even see where they went, and it was here, so if you could tell me anything about that..." he trailed off and seemed to give up, almost. I guess I really looked that hopeless to him. I saw him begin to turn his head to walk back to the other side of the parking lot when his words suddenly made some sense in my mind. I had no idea what a "Thunderpath" was but I had just seen a monster of my own and realized that this grey tomcat was asking me about the cat from last night. I frowned and looked away.

"A white and black cat with an orange flower on her head?" I asked, reasoning that that's what her name meant. The grey cat spun back around and nodded urgently. I opened my mouth and paused before I mewed... I mean spoke up. "She died last night. I'm really sorry..." I said and felt the tears clouding my vision again. "I did everything I could to help her. Did you know her?"

"Y-yes," now his voice sounded shaky, like he might start crying, too. "She was RainClan's medicine cat and my... my mate, I guess," he answered and I felt streams going down the sides of my face. He looked like he suddenly realized something and spoke again. "You did everything you could...? Are you a medicine cat, too?" he asked me. I hesitated for what felt like a long time before saying anything. It took until now to realize that this cat WAS really talking and that I really wasn't myself anymore. I didn't feel like T... wait, what was my name when I was human? The grey tomcat seemed to be getting impatient, shifting on his feet.

"I guess you could say I'm a medicine w...cat," said and brushed the wet from the tears out of my eyes with one of my feet, which felt like a dirty thing for a human to be doing. I knew I couldn't tell this cat that I was human, or a twoleg or whatever, because he couldn't possibly believe that. I don't even know if I believed what was going on, let alone expecting an apparently sentient cat to believe and understand it.

"What's your name, medicine cat?" he asked tentatively. I froze, realizing that I still didn't know what my name was. I guess that hit on my head did that, at least. I felt like I could remember everything else, but that detail just... somehow escaped me.

"Would you believe me if I said I... don't remember?" I asked him and he cocked his head sharply.

"You don't remember your name? I guess you did hurt your head. Don't worry about it, for now. I'm sure it will come back to you," he said, looking down at the ground in front of his paws. After a few moments he looked back up as if he had decided something. "Will you come back to my Clan with me? Since Onerose is gone... we don't have a medicine cat, and we don't have anyone who could replace her. Maybe you could? We can talk to Cloudstar about it," he said, sounding almost excited for a moment, but sounding somber again by the end. I guess he had just lost his mate. A cat that he loved. I didn't even know that cats loved like that before today. Or that they could speak, though I'm sure to humans we were just meowing back and forth right now or something.

"That sounds like a good idea. Yes, I will go see your Clan. They won't hurt me, will they?" I asked the grey cat and he shook his head.

"Not if I tell them I brought you for a good reason," he said, which didn't make me feel better. So that means if it wasn't a good enough reason...? What would they do with me? Drive me out into the wilderness with a body I didn't even know how to use?

"You never told me your name, grey kitty," I said jokingly and he shook his head at me.

"Don't call me kitty," he almost growled at me. Maybe he did growl at me. "My name is Smokepaw. I'm an apprentice in RainClan. My mentor is Whitesand," he said in a calmer tone.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was an insult. Are there other clans?," I said. He nodded at me.

"You are forgiven. There are four Clans. RainClan, SteamClan, SandClan, and IronClan. Anyway, we should go before more twolegs show up. They can get... grabby," he said and I resented it somewhat. "And if you let them, they take you in one of their monsters far away," he continued. Did he mean people picking up street cats to take to shelters or to adopt? How strange people's perspectives could be. I nodded and Smokepaw turned and twitched his tail in a direction before running off that way. I immediately scampered to get moving and fell on my face in the grass before eventually I got the hang of it and moved quickly in the direction I saw him go. I sniffed the air and realized I smelled so many things. One of them reminded me of him so I followed in the direction it seemed to be strongest since I had lost sight of him in the brush. I could also hear movement, but from many directions. I presumed this apprentice was running with a practiced quietness and did my best to remain quiet in case that was for a good reason... of course it was. How else do you get food out in the wild with these Clans? You catch it, of course, and you won't be able to do that easily if you are loud. "Catch up, medicine kitty!" I heard him call mockingly over the bushes and grass.

"Don't call me kitty!" I yowled back and sprinted toward where his voice came from, hearing a quiet purr over the sound of my paw steps. Eventually, we reached the cusp of a pond with various reeds sticking out of it. Smokepaw was standing at the edge of it, lapping up the water calmly. I walked up to his side and realized I was thirsty too after this run and drank. At first I tried to suck it up, but that drew the grey cat's confused attention my way again so I just followed his example. It worked well enough.

"You are a strange cat," he said as he pulled his head from the pond. I shrugged out of instinct and felt that vibration in my throat again. "You walk weird, you run weird, and you even drink weird. Then, finally, you purr when I call you strange. Doubly strange, then," he said and I looked towards him.

"Hey now," I said with mock warning and I heard him purr with amusement. He turned to me and then to the mossy rocks under our paws, indicating them with his nose.

"This is the place we call Mossrock Pond. It marks one of the hunting grounds inside of our territory," he said and I nodded and sniffed the air again. This time I could smell a particular odour that seemed to have been here many times. I cocked my head and looked off to the side. "What you smell is the scent of RainClan cats and our scent markers as well," he answered my question before I could speak it. Finally, he turned back in the direction we had been sprinting. "Try and keep up this time, medicine cat," he said and disappeared into some tall grass. I raced after him, following his scent again as well as the ever growing scent of what he said was from RainClan cats. I probably couldn't even detect some of these smells as a human. It was all a very strange experience, charging headlong into bushes and grass with a small cat body while I smelled with a cat's nose. Eventually we got to a place where the smell was so dense that I started to breathe out of my mouth instead for a while because the scent was so overwhelming, though the scent glands at the roof of my mouth made that quite futile. The two of us emerged into a small clearing with trees surrounding us on all sides. The tomcat pointed his tail towards what looked like an entrance into another clearing, sheltered heavily with bracken and other ferns. What I saw when he lead me inside surprised me. It looked like a bustling colony of cats! Like an open air shelter, though I'm sure these cats would take offence to that. Several other cats approached us quickly and hissed their warnings at me as we emerged fully from the entrance. I stepped back and hissed in response, but Smokepaw pressed his shoulder to mine gently and stood in their way.

"Who is this outsider that you bring into our camp, Smokepaw?" a large black tomcat hissed at him as he stood his ground in front of me. Other cats in the camp were looking over with confused eyes as I hesitantly continued to survey the place.

"She is a medicine cat. As far as I can tell, a loner medicine cat," he said. A loner? What did that mean to them?

"Do you bring news of Onerose, then?" the black tomcat seemed to calm down, the fur on his back and shoulders lowering somewhat. Smokepaw nodded.

"She died at the twoleg den," he said and looked down again like he had when I first told him.

"Then as supposedly being a medicine cat, this loner might actually be of some use," the black cat spoke harshly and I almost let out another hiss but kept it back this time. A tall white cat climbed out from under a rock den near to a small stream. She came closer to us and looked me over without the blind shunning that these warriors had, then stepped closer to them.

"Leave the she-cat some space, Skyfur," she meowed to the black cat, who stepped back and sat down at her order. Smokepaw still stood by me, his body warm against mine. His leader twitched her tail at him, though, and he stepped slightly to the left. She sniffed the air near me and moved her ears back slightly. "You smell of the Thunderpath. Is that where Smokepaw found you?" she asked me with a gentle but insistent voice. He looked like he was about to speak but I spoke up first.

"He found me in a... twoleg monster lot. A place where they stop for the day," I said to her tentatively, wary that my somewhat fabricated words would hit the wrong note with her.

"Are you a kittypet? Do you belong to a twoleg?" she asked. I shook my head sternly. That much was true, I never belonged to a human. "And what is your name, medicine cat?" she asked and I froze again but much worse this time since many cats around us were listening and watching now. Smokepaw spoke.

"She... doesn't remember her name. She hit her head just before I met her, it seemed. At first she didn't even remember she was a cat," he said and purred with amusement only to have no one else seem very amused.

"Smokepaw, if she is hurt then we cannot help her," the white cat, Cloudstar, stated.

"And how can she even be a medicine cat if she doesn't remember her own name?" Skyfur meowed and purred in his own amusement, making fun of me. I shot him a glance and he stopped.

"I'm not hurt anymore, I just can't... remember that one thing," I said and Cloudstar cocked her head slightly. Then, she looked up at my forehead like Smokepaw had and suddenly up into the sky. I followed her gaze but didn't see anything in particular. It was darker already, but the sun was still shining a strange light onto some clouds below the barely visible stars. I guessed I had lost time somewhere, maybe when I hit my head or when I was following Smokepaw through the brush. Suddenly I saw something. A shooting star moved through part of the sky. Both Cloudstar and I stood with our mouths slightly open. I looked back down while others tried to see what we were seeing, but it was already gone. Suddenly my dreams from the night before shot through my head again. I remembered these cats! Cloudstar, Smokepaw, and even Skyfur. S-StarClan. That was something, what was that? "StarClan has a message for you, Cloudstar. That you should trust me because... she who knows not herself can... still see what is best," I said, feeling as though I was in some sort of trance or half-awake state all of a sudden. I wandered past the other cats up to the stream and saw the face of another cat from my dream... in the water. The reflection, of course! "It was me," I spoke softly as I drifted back out of my trance state and looked at myself in the water. I seemed to have all black fur aside from a white spot on my forehead. That must be what Smokepaw and Cloudstar had been looking at! I was... kinda pretty, for not being a human anymore. My black fur shone under the dimming light of the sun. I looked back up towards the other cats. Cloudstar stepped quickly towards me and I flinched, one paw falling into the water, which made me flinch again. She purred at me, amused(something everyone was getting plenty of) at my clumsiness.

"I do trust you," she said simply, and looked back as Skyfur made a noise of disapproval.

"After she spouts some nonsense like that? That's all that someone needs to do to gain our leader's trust?" he said and other cats around us made grunts of agreement, which made me frown.

"No. It was not nonsense, Skyfur! Those are the words that Onerose spoke to me before she left for herbs to help Slenderpaw. That was last night, before Smokepaw says now that she died," Cloudstar said and looked back at me. "She had one other message from StarClan. Something along the lines of 'She will do everything she can tonight,'" Cloudstar said and cocked her head as I twitched my whiskers. That... that can't be. Smokepaw reacted as well, stepping closer to Cloudstar and I.

"That's what... the medicine cat here said to me when I asked about Onerose," he said.

"Then she was the one to tell you about her?" Cloudstar asked and looked between us for a moment. "How did you know?" she asked me.

"I saw the h-- twolegs trying to give her medicine and heal her wounds, but it didn't work," I said and felt the need to cry welling up in me again. I suppressed it and continued. "Then they were going to take her some place to bury her," I finished and sighed. Cloudstar and Smokepaw both seemed worried about me, but Cloudstar also seemed convinced.

"You have shown me that you have a connection with StarClan, as all medicine cats do. I will take your word for it. I will trust them that you can do this job," she said and twitched her tail for me to follow her up to the rock near the stream. At first I hesitated to jump up, but the jump came easily and quickly without much thought. The white cat waited for her clan to gather underneath us. I felt embarrassed with all these wondering eyes looking up at me. They had just seen me show my... connection with StarClan, however that happened. I wondered what Cloudstar would say now.

"This loner-medicine-cat has reached us today, the day after we have lost our own medicine cat. This along with her apparent visions from StarClan mean that she is meant to be with us tonight. Smokepaw brought her here all the way from twoleg lot," she said and looked over to me briefly. "She may not remember her name, but I have been assured by Onerose and StarClan that this is not as important as it may seem," she looked back to them and paused for a long moment before continuing. "Since we need something to call our new medicine cat, I will use this occasion to name her myself, if she will have it," Cloudstar said and I felt a jolt of surprise. She wanted to give me a name? I felt her looking up at the spot on my head again, but I nodded in agreement, figuring that there were worse ways to get a name than from the leader of a Clan of cats. "From now on, she will be called Mindspot, and you are to treat her like you would Onerose. I know that will be difficult for some of you, but please welcome Mindspot into RainClan kindly," she asked of them. I nodded thoughtfully. Mindspot. I get it. I mean, I get why she's calling me that. Because my mind can't remember my name and because there happens to be a white spot on my head. It was clever. "She will need your support to begin her duties as medicine cat immediately," Cloudstar said and nodded her head toward the edge of the rock, which I jumped down from carefully. She followed after me and suddenly began to lick my right cheek. I felt myself blushing with embarrassment until the other cats began to do the same, one at a time, grooming some part of me with their tongues. It felt strange but at the same time I felt like I was becoming part of their Clan for real, even if I wouldn't be a warrior apprentice like Smokepaw. Finally, I saw him show up and he licked me right on the part of my head where the white spot was and walked on by. I saw Skyfur and a couple others hanging at the edge of the clearing away from me. I didn't mind because I probably would have been spooked if they started licking me after their hostility earlier. Finally, the last of the cats gave a happy mew and a welcome lick to me before I walked after Smokepaw and nudged him on his side with my nose to get his attention.

"I don't understand, what was that exactly?" I asked as quietly as I could so as not to make the cats feel like I didn't appreciate it. Whatever it was.

"That? That's what we call sharing tongues," he purred loudly with laughter and then saw that I needed more explaining and continued. "Two or more cats will do it either just to clean each other or to welcome a new clan member, which I'll tell you doesn't happen often, a new medicine cat, or an apprentice turned warrior," he said and I nodded my head in understanding. I guess it wasn't surprising, based even on the ways that domestic cats would groom each other. Oh my g--... were domestic cats sentient, too? Probably! How strange it was to learn about all of this in one day. A brown-furred cat approached me from behind and I turned as I heard her footsteps.

"Slenderpaw, the apprentice Onerose was going to treat, is still in bad shape. He says it's hard to talk or breathe or anything," this cat, who also looked young enough to be an apprentice, said.

"I'll check him out," I said and followed her to a walkway surrounded by thorny rosebushes that lead to a smaller clearing, bordered by the same, where a small skinny grey tabby lie on his side. I padded up to him and nudged his head with my nose. He opened his eyes weakly. They looked bloodshot, like they were oxygen-deprived. "I don't know if you heard all that over there, Slenderpaw, but I'm your new medicine cat. Tell me what you're feeling," I said simply in the way a doctor would and he cocked his head at me before answering.

"There's a lot of-- pain in my chest-- everytime I try to breathe-- in," he said like that in between weak half-breaths. I felt awkward for a moment but did as I promised and put my ear to his chest on one side. I could hear that lung working but... I moved my head to the other side. No, this one wasn't making any sound. That means he has a collapsed lung and air in his chest cavity. I spotted what looked like a hard, hollow stem inside of Onerose's old den and brought it to Smokepaw, who I saw had followed us into this medicine cat's clearing, in my mouth.

"I need you to sharpen the end of this," I pointed to the end of the stem with my nose. "With your teeth so that one side is very sharp and so it slants down diagonally," I said and Smokepaw stood for a moment and then nodded, beginning to rake his teeth against the end like I said. The brown cat just stood by, looking worried, as I stepped back over to Slenderpaw. "Did you break your ribs? I mean... the bones in your chest? Did you fall or anything like that?" I asked him urgently. He paused and then nodded.

"I-- was chasing a bird up-- a tree when I fell-- off a branch--. I thought-- it was nothing," he said again between those breaths that I knew were very painful. He had probably broken a rib and had it puncture one of his lungs because he didn't realize he was badly hurt. I wondered what Onerose was going to get when she left the camp.

"Done," Smokepaw said and held the stem in his mouth. Indeed he had sharpened it to almost a needlepoint. I took it in my mouth and then realized I would have trouble with leverage, what with having no hands anymore. I spotted a rock slightly above the ground nearby and carefully pulled Slenderpaw below it before grabbing the stem in my mouth again and bringing it up to the rock. I thought for a moment. I knew I would have to steady the needle with my paws so I didn't hit the wrong area, but I wasn't sure what to push with. I figured that pushing with my teeth with my mouth closed would have to do and I positioned the needle gently on his belly fur and then, before I thought about it too much, pushed hard on the stem. Suddenly, a burst of smelly air rushed out from it and I could hear Slenderpaw breathing more easily again down below. I stepped down to him and sighed.

"Can you breathe better now?" I asked. He nodded excitedly and then winced as though in pain. "Sorry, I'm going to check that your rib is in the right spot," I said and felt his chest gently with the top of my nose. I realized the gums around my teeth were a bit sore, but if it saved this cat's life then it was worth it. I felt the rib and nudged it slightly with my nose so that it wasn't leaning on the lung anymore. I breathed sharply and sighed out. I almost jumped when I felt Smokepaw's nose on my shoulder. He purred, this time with contentment. "Okay, Slenderpaw, you have to stay as still as possible, now. I'll have people take food and water to you for a few days before you are allowed to walk again," I said as sternly as I could and the grey tabby nodded obediently at me. Then, he stared up at the stem poking out of his chest, which I promptly removed carefully and began to lick the wound. I tasted his blood in my mouth, but somehow this felt normal enough anyway. It's not like I had any isopropyl alcohol around. I looked back to see that the brown cat was staring at me intensely. I guessed she had been since I poked that needle through her friend. She ran off and soon enough came back with Cloudstar.

"And she pushed this sharp plant through him! How did she know that would help?!" I heard her asking fervently as she returned through the rosebush entrance.

"You asked me several times already and I still don't know. Calm yourself, Barkpaw," I heard Cloudstar say as she stepped up next to myself and Smokepaw, seemingly eyeing how close we were. Maybe that was my own self-consciousness, though. Clearly these cats were more affectionate than humans were averagely. Or showed it differently, whatever.

"It seems as though you've done well, Mindspot," she said and nudged my shoulder with hers on the side opposite of Smokepaw. I nodded and bowed my head at her. "I am curious, like Barkpaw. Where did you learn this technique?" she asked. Obviously medical school wasn't a good answer. Another thing I knew no one would believe or understand.

"My medicine mentor taught me. I knew that one of Slenderpaw's lungs was collapsed when I couldn't hear any air moving on that side of his chest," I answered, partially telling the truth. Cloudstar nodded thoughtfully.

"It seems there are things we don't know about loners," she said and left the clearing after giving a single lick to Slenderpaw's head.

"Clearly there are," I heard Smokepaw say beside me. "There is still something interesting and strange about you, Mindspot," he said and I walked forward and turned to face him, brushing my shoulder against his like Cloudstar had to me.

"It seems I've gained a positive adjective. Before; I was just strange," I pointed out and purred loudly, laughing.

"It's more of a neutral adjective, but you can see it how you'd like," he said and began to walk toward Onerose's den. "Anyway, I guess this place is yours now," he said. I thought about what the connection he had with her must have been like, and then to lose it so suddenly...

"Yeah, I guess so," I said and looked up at the sky. The sun was all the way down now and I began to wonder what would become of my car and my other human possessions. I thought I was doing pretty well for having all of those things taken away from me, though perhaps it hadn't hit me quite yet. The surprise of being a cat was the dominant shock in my mind, still. I looked down at my black paws and shifted on them uncomfortably. Then I looked back at my tail for the first time. It was interesting to have this whole new appendage that humans don't even have an analogue to. I twitched it around a couple times and tried to mimic the pointing that the other cats had done. I also thought about StarClan as I looked back up. What were they, exactly? The cats talked about them like they were gods and Cloudstar said I had a connection to them somehow. I remembered the moment that they seemed to take control of my tongue but I didn't understand it. Could there really be such a thing? Did that mean this was all fated somehow? My becoming a cat and then being lead here? I felt my ears and whiskers twitch at the thought of it all.

"Something on your mind?" Smokepaw asked me from beside a clump of herbs, his green eyes sincere.

"I'm just thinking about my place in all this. I don't know what that was, back there, when I spoke to Cloudstar and StarClan spoke through me. Who or what is StarClan, exactly?" I asked and he looked at me with more surprise.

"Kits are taught from birth that each cat has a place up there," he gestured with his nose this time towards the sky. I was surprised myself at how patient he was. "When they die, I mean. Medicine cats have a close connection with StarClan and receive visions like the ones you've seen, felt, and spoken already. Basically, every warrior, leader, medicine cat... every cat who dies goes up there and watches us from Silverpelt. That's what we call the sky at night," he added to make sure I understood. My mouth was slightly agape and he smiled at me. I closed it and nodded.

"So Onerose is there now?" I asked, hoping not to upset the tomcat. "I'm sorry, I just... it's n-nothing I had heard of before, exactly," I stammered on. He shook his head.

"Don't worry. Yes, of course she's up there. She's probably watching you even now. And me," he said and looked away. After a short while, he looked back up and met my eyes with his. "Can you feel her presence?" he asked. I wondered if he was unsure, himself, what it felt like to have a connection with StarClan. I felt my eyes close for a moment and when I opened them I could see a glistening form seemingly made of starlight next to Smokepaw. I jumped at the sudden appearance of this cat and instantly a new smell was on my nose and in the glands at the roof of my mouth. Onerose was resting her bright, ghostly head on top of Smokepaw's shoulder, but he didn't seem to notice at all. Of course he didn't... only I could sense her right now. I nodded hesitantly to Smokepaw and Onerose nodded at me in a sort of courteous way. When he looked to see what I was looking at, Onerose vapourized from beside him and disappeared entirely.

"Yes, I could see her and... smell her just now. She misses you terribly, but she's not in pain from the car... I mean the twoleg monster, anymore," I said, blinking my eyes a couple of times. Smokepaw looked again at the spot where she had been and moved his ears back on his head. He sat in what looked like Onerose's bedding, a piece of moss about my size. I saw him inhale and exhale deeply. He seemed to relax at the scent and I walked over to him, offering comfort. Finally he stood up.

"Thank you, Mindspot. It's hard to believe that she's gone. I feel like part of her is still here, somewhere. I just wish we could have buried her properly," he said and a wave of guilt smashed into me as I thought about how the clinic typically dealt with bodies. I wished that I could bring her back, or that I had done more to save her. I should have asked about the blood. Maybe she would still be alive. Smokepaw got up and left the rosebushes for the main clearing and I watched him go. I hardly knew this cat yet I felt connected to him, also. He was the first cat I met and he saw me make my first screw-ups. Still, it seemed like perhaps Onerose had left something behind. Something I couldn't understand yet.

I was feeling tired after that extremely confusing today so I finally laid myself down on the moss that Onerose had slept on herself the night before last. I could smell the scent that Smokepaw had smelled on it. Still, it wasn't nearly as fresh as when I scented her spirit form a couple minutes ago. After much maneuvering, I got myself in a comfy position on the bedding and placed my head down on it, draping my tail in front of my black nose. My dreams were much less eventful that night and were even kind of relaxing, though I didn't remember them at all when I woke up in the morning to the sound of two sets of pawsteps entering the cleaning. I stood up and stretched my whole body, unsheathing my claws for a moment, and saw Skyfur along with a cat with almost flesh-coloured fur with white fur on the belly.

"Hello, Mindspot. I was at your naming and entrance ceremony last night but I never introduced myself. I'm Whitesand," he said. He looked older and more experienced than Smokepaw in his demeanour. I was formulating a guess that 'paw' at the end of the name meant they were an apprentice and that at some point they were given a new full warrior name. I bowed my head to the tomcat and peered at Skyfur, trying to keep any fear I was feeling to a minimum. I knew animals could smell that. He looked back at me and I held his gaze before responding to Whitesand.

"Yes, Smokepaw's mentor? He told me about you briefly when we met. I bet you're proud to have an apprentice like him," I said and the white cat nodded and smiled. Skyfur walked past both of us toward Slenderpaw. I stepped after him quickly.

"When can Slenderpaw resume his training?" Skyfur asked quietly without looking at me. I twitched my whiskers and looked down at the still-sleeping apprentice.

"He can't move from this spot for a few days or else his injuries will get worse. I would say maybe a week or so before he can start full training again," I responded. The large black cat huffed in amusement when I had said 'full training.'

"As though you know what that is, loner," he said back to me, turning and eyeing me for a moment before leaving the clearing. I turned to Whitesand who still stood nearby.

"I presume Slenderpaw is Skyfur's apprentice," I commented to Whitesand and he nodded slowly.

"Please forgive his rudeness. It is strange to have a new face amongst the Clan, especially one who wasn't forestborn, but I trust our leader's judgment and Smokepaw has nothing but praise for you so far," the cat said and smiled good-naturedly. I saw him twitch his tail and look over at the stem I had used to help Slenderpaw. "How you knew to use that, though, to save Slenderpaw... I could not understand. StarClan must have big plans for you if you can save someone who many thought would die. He seemed to be losing life by the minute but now you have saved him, and I will thank you for that, especially since Skyfur won't. We always need good warriors and this apprentice might be clumsy, but he is quick and fierce in battle," Whitesand went on and I nodded along. That reminded me, I should check the site of the puncture. I padded closer to the apprentice and looked down. The wound seemed to be healing fine. There was just a bit of dried blood that I would clean off later when he was awake. I heard Whitesand start to leave, then and whirled around.

"Hold on. Where can I get something to eat? I'm hungry, I didn't eat much of anything yesterday, and I also need to feed Slenderpaw so he doesn't have to get up," I explained. Whitesand looked back and nodded.

"Of course, the fresh-kill pile is near the nursery. You'll be able to find that easily enough by the squealing kits inside," he said. I nodded and dashed out of the medicine cat clearing, right past the white cat, and into the main one, where I pricked my ears and listened. Sure enough, the sound of mewling kittens was audible and I followed it to see a pile of small animals(or at least, small to a human) killed efficiently and left in a pile nearby. I hesitated. The idea of raw meat almost made me sick, but I was so hungry that I picked up a mouse and bit it open, chewing slowly to allow my body and mind to get used to it. I continued eating until there was nothing left but bones. "Now we bury them," Whitesand said from behind me. I looked back and he continued. "Out of respect for the forest and its other lives," I nodded in appreciation, as of course this was something I didn't know, and promptly dug up a spot off to the side and placed the bones inside with my paws, covering them back up with the dirt afterwards. Whitesand seemed satisfied and trotted off to Smokepaw who was still lying asleep on the other side of the clearing. I grabbed another rodent that looked like a mouse in my jaws and took it back to Slenderpaw who woke up and eagerly ate it.

"Easy, don't stress your chest muscles too much," I called from nearby as he ate. "Skyfur wants to see you on your feet soon, I think," I said and he froze for a moment and began to reach his head over to eat more slowly and carefully. Clearly I wasn't the only one who had some fear of the black tomcat. Before I had the time to sit down for a moment, Barkpaw ran into the medicine clearing with a confused look in her eyes, but didn't say anything. "What is it, Barkpaw?" I called. Her eyes moved to me.

"Smokepaw needs your help. He's feeling... sick, like he does sometimes. I think it's because of Onerose..." she said, her voice trailing away. I cocked my head but followed her out of the clearing.

"This again," I heard Slenderpaw breathe from behind me before I was out of earshot. What was this about? Barkpaw lead me up to what looked like a nest under a leafy bush and inside where Whitesand was standing over Smokepaw, who seemed unresponsive with his eyes open. Suddenly I saw them dart from where he was looking before and knew that he was conscious.

"Whitesand, what's going on?" I asked. Smokepaw's mentor looked up at me and shook his head grimly. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I began to worry. Was he ill with something that would kill him, somehow, that hadn't presented itself yesterday? Finally; the tomcat answered, "Smokepaw is one of the occasional sufferers of an illness the elders call Starchills. Like you may see, the light of Starclan seems to leave his eyes altogether," he said with a flick of his tail towards Smoke paws eyes, which moved again at the end of Whitesand's sentence. He was responsive. Just not in a way that I had noticed at first. "While at other times, as you saw yesterday, his eyes are full again. Onerose was one of our most gifted medicine cats in seasons, but even she could not find a permanent treatment for Starchills," he said. He must have noticed that I was very focused on Smokepaw as he didn't continue any further. I saw Smokepaw's eyes moved up and blink slowly as Whitesand mentioned Starchills. By now I understood what this was, as I saw his paws twitching. It was what we call depression and possibly anxiety as well. Two things that even modern medicine could not effectively treat. I must have indicated my thoughts outwardly somehow as Whitesand looked up into my eyes questioningly. "You have seen this before, haven't you?" he asked and I nodded.

"A couple of p-- cats I was close to in the past suffered from this illness. I wasn't sure how to treat them, but that doesn't mean I won't try for Smokepaw," I said and thought I heard a sigh of relief from Barkpaw who was still standing next to me. I looked from Whitesand to Barkpaw and back to another apprentice standing behind Smokepaw. "Everyone please clear the den for now, I want some space with him, alright?" I said, trying to sound confident. Whitesand nodded and indicated with his tail for the others to follow. When they had all gone and Whitesand started giving them things to do, I laid myself down next to Smokepaw and mewed with the gentlest voice I could. "I'm here with you. I'm just going to talk to you and try to help you, okay?" I said and his eyes met mine for a moment before darting back away quickly. I took that as an okay to go on. "What you have is a serious condition, but I have seen people recover from it," I said and snatched my tongue only after I realized I hadn't corrected myself to say 'cats.' Smokepaw just kept his eyes where they were and I saw a brief spark of thought in them. I continued as if I hadn't made the error. "No one is watching you now. I know it can't help to have everyone gathered around looking at you, and I think your mentor understood that, too," I said slowly and gently. "He and the others might not know, though, that the problem is still there when you seem okay, but is just more hidden. Am I right?" I asked and there was a slight movement in his head. He nodded the slightest amount and then his eyes darted around and closed seemingly in pain as if he was afraid he would instantly be judged for that movement. I could hear him breathing heavily and see his chest moving up and down quickly. I moved myself so that my nose could rest on his head and he seemed to calm down slightly. "They aren't here right now, okay? I want you t-to..." I stuttered for a moment and caught myself. The apprentice started to breath faster again as if he had noticed I had some weakness in this area. He was right. I could only go off of some basics that I had learned in school and in social situations and off of the feelings I had about the situation now. I cleared my throat. "Sorry," I continued as calmly as I could, "I want you to tell me about, or simply picture in your mind, your favourite place in this forest," I said. He closed his eyes in response and seemed to take a deep breath. I smiled slightly but continued. "Things are quiet there. No other cats are around. Take another deep breath like that last one for me," I said and he complied, easing his breath in and out again slowly. "Good. The forest is quiet around you and you feel a complacency about it. It's calming for you to have this time to yourself. You take another deep breath in, and then when you let it out, you feel energy returning to you. You aren't sure why it was lost, but it's coming back now," I said and he shuffled a little to try to get more comfortable, the most I had seen him move since this began. "You feel your fascination with the forest and its noises return to you as well. The noises seem to return slowly. The ones you remember always being around you. It's calming for you to hear them again. Tell me, what is it that remains to weigh you down?" I asked as gently as I could, taking a risk that he might again not answer with words.

"My chest is tight... and heavy," he meowed slowly and quietly, so no one else could hear. "My mind... can't let go of the bad things, the sad things. Onerose. I feel so separate from her... and the others. Whitesand. Barkpaw," he breathed weakly. More of the old look in his eyes seemed to return. The Starclan in his eyes, as Whitesand had put it.

"They are here with you, Smokepaw. Onerose will always be there to guide you, I know it. Whitesand and Barkpaw care for you as well and are here," I said. He looked up and met my eyes again and I lifted my head off of his. This time he didn't look away.

"You're right," he said, still quiet. "I can see Onerose in the forest with me. This was our favourite place," he continued and I felt a tear leaving my right eye as I thought about it. I turned, hoping that he wouldn't see it. Then, when I thought about it, I turned back. I couldn't show him that it was necessary to hide emotions. I looked back into his eyes and was startled when I saw him moving his paws under him and standing up slowly, as though his joints ached. He looked toward Whitesand, who was waiting outside and looking casually away. Then Smokepaw's eyes met mine once again. "I... don't know what to say," he said, his voice now beginning to sound again like it had yesterday. "Even Onerose couldn't get me up when I would be... stuck like that," he said, wincing at the word 'stuck.' "I would... not eat more than a nibble sometimes for... nights at a time. I would never tell anyone. I would lie, even to... her. I don't know why I'm telling you this," he said as a tear formed under each of his eyes and he brushed them away with a paw. He looked again toward Whitesand, who was talking with another full warrior cat now.

"I'm glad you have, though," I meowed, feeling myself purring softly. I hesitated for a moment and then meowed again. "I will talk with you again in the evening, okay? Bring a piece of fresh-kill and we'll hang out with Slenderpaw," I said good-naturedly but he winced again.

"Not with him," he said simply and I nodded.

"Okay, we'll stay out here then, near those needles under the pine tree," I said, pointing with my tail as I had seen others do. He nodded at me and smiled, walking out of the sleeping area and up to Whitesand. I stayed and saw the two exchange a look and some words I didn't hear. They trotted for the entrance and Whitesand looked back at me with thoughtfulness and gratitude in his eyes. When I stood up I smelled a cat nearby and turned in the direction of the medicine clearing. Alight with the stars, again, it was Onerose. I padded up to her slowly and cocked my head. It was so strange that she could appear to me like this. Most humans didn't believe things like this could even happen, and yet I could see her almost as clearly as when I first saw her mangled body, except now she was whole and healthy looking. She must have caught me musing about it and examining her because she looked amusedly at me.

"You are confused, I understand," she spoke and I jumped. I must have looked silly if anyone was watching me but I took a quick look around and no one seemed to be. I heard a purr erupt from her starry shape and she turned her head toward the medicine clearing. "I have things to show you. You are a skilled healer, but do not know much about the herbs medicine cats use," she said simply. I nodded and thought about it. She was right, I knew of very few herbal remedies for anything off the top of my head. "There are other things. I will show you," she promised and I nodded again and her shape turned to pad toward the medicine clearing. I followed behind, matching her pace. "Even from Starclan, it was incredible to watch you treat Smokepaw just now. I can't thank you enough for helping him," she said and I heard an even louder purr from her.

"You don't need to thank me. I was happy to do it," I said, purring as well. She nodded curtly and I smiled at her.

"That is why Starclan has chosen you. You will be a great medicine cat in your time," she said and I felt defencive for a moment. In my time? But it was true, she told me I had things to learn, so I pushed the hostility in my mind aside and decided to focus. "I can't show you everything, though. Some things you must learn from your fellow medicine cats, as well as your Clan," she said and dashed the rest of the way to our den. I followed behind her quickly and stood beside her in front of what I had seen even the night before, a carefully kept store of herbs presumably for treating various illnesses.