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It went good for a couple of months. The four of us grew closer as each day passed by, and I wished I could relive every day we were together, just to experience it again. Most people wouldn't agree on a three-way relationship, but like I said, they don't understand my reasons, just as much as they wouldn't understand Terry's and Ceylan's reasons. As long as we kept it a secret from everyone else, we'd be alright. So we did. Except it wasn't a secret with us. We never had any secrets for each other. Sex really isn't what our relationship is about... But it does play a big role, especially for me, both emotionally and mentally. It made me feel good. It made me feel confident for who I am. Of course, I was still insecure sometimes, but I knew I always had someone who had my back. And they helped me with everything I did. I love them. Things couldn't get any better... So yeah, those were the best months I ever had. We did everything we wanted and it was great. It felt as if we could take on the world with just the three of us. But like all good things, there's always something that can shatter it to pieces in just a fraction of a moment. And then one day... I received a phone-call...

'Hello?'

'Good afternoon, am I speaking to Nicole Boshane?'

'Yeah...?'

'I'm Desmond Williams. You probably don't know me, but I call you on behalf of you're brother sergeant Cody Boshane. I served in his regiment, the 401st Rapid Deployment Troops.'

'C-Cody...?'

'Yes.'

'I-I uh...'

'He's eh... He's back safe in Renaria, and got transferred to Fort Bocale military base.'

I didn't know what to say for a while... Its so surreal...

'Are you there...?'

'Huh? Y-Yeah. I-It's just... Is he alright...?'

'He is, for now. Just... How fast can you be here?'

"Oh no..."

'Hello...?'

'Uh... Y-yeah, I-I'm coming right away...'

'You know the routine?'

'Y-Yes, I've been there before.'

'Alright.'

'I-I'm on my way. Thank you...'

After I hung up, I was getting really, really nervous. I quickly grabbed all of my stuff, while Meagan kept asking what was going on. "They found my brother" I said quietly... Her eyes widened when she heard that. Meagan also knew Cody for years... She stood there for a moment, being all baffled. I already got out the door to get to my car, and when I was about to start my car, I noticed Meagan was running towards me. So she got next to me in the passenger seat, and I drove off...

Fort Bocale was a one and a half hour drive. When I was younger, and Cody had to go back to Sercia, I went to Fort Bocale to say goodbye to him. His friends brought me to Fort Bocale and back home. During the time he was in Sercia, his friends took care of me. When he came back again, I was old enough to take care of myself and we stayed together for a year. He bought an apartment and we lived together since. But then... He had to go back, while I stayed in that apartment. Ever since he went back, he's been missing. And now he's been found again... I had no idea what to expect. Everything was just so surreal...

I made the one and a half hour drive in just one hour. And all this time, we didn't talk. I think I was driving way too fast over the freeways. I think I got caught by some radar thingy, and I would probably get a big fine, but I didn't care. All I could think of was that I had to see Cody...

So the moment we arrived at Fort Bocale, I followed the signs to the sickbays. When we reached the gate, I told the guard my name and that I'm here for Cody Boshane and Desmond Williams. I had to show my ID and I got a visitors pass. The moment I parked my car, I jumped out of it and ran towards the entrance of the building. We were just running around in circles in search of a doctor, and when we finally found one, I asked for Cody. The doctor pointed me in the right direction, and when we finally found the right room, I could see a guy sitting there. A cougar... Sitting at a bed... With another guy in that bed... Meagan stayed outside in the waiting room while I went inside. The moment I walked through the door, I noticed that cougar guy looking up. But all I did was staring at the guy in bed. I couldn't recognize him. He looks like Cody a lot but... It's just not him... He had scars and bloodstained bandages all over his body. I didn't know what to say... 'You must be Nicole.' The cougar said...

'Huh? Y-Yeah. I am.'

'I'm Desmond...'

'H-Hi... N-Nice to meet you, Desmond...'

'Likewise...'

'Heh...'

'Cody fell asleep a couple of hours ago... He doesn't have any pain at the moment...'

'I see... So... Wh-What happened...?'

'It's eh... It's a long story... It's not a pretty one either...'

'Please... I have to know... '

Desmond let out a sigh as he looked down... But the moment he faced me again, felt as if he had to tell it. That I deserved some answers after so many years... And so... He started talking... 'Our base of operations on the outskirts of Barandakesh was under attack by the Ultranationalists... They were heavily armed and well prepared, and we underestimated them. Heh... Score one for military intelligence... We tried to fend them off, but the whole outpost was blown to kingdom come by artillery fire. Out of the 700 troops stationed there, only 27 made it out alive, including Cody and me. We tried to warn the others, but we never got a response. The Ultranationalists made a large assault on MNAF troops throughout the country. And they were successful...'

'S-So then what...?'

'Nothing... The chain of command got broken. MNAF soldiers were scattered throughout the country, trying to survive and regroup while trying to communicate with other regiments. Cody, me and the others did so we had no choice. We didn't have a notion of time... Where we were... Every day we had to fight for our lives... Wondering if we would make it to the next. It seemed they forgot about us. This one time, we got captured, tortured and interrogated. It lasted for a long time until the Ultranationalists were under attack by the People's Liberation Army... And we managed to escape. We found survivors but... Most of them didn't make it back to Renaria... The MNAF tried to re-establish communications and get things back in their hands, but it was a difficult campaign... More troops were sent to Sercia and a large assault on the country was inevitable. And one day, they found us...'

'Heh... So... What happened to Cody...?'

'During our extraction, our convoy got ambushed... An IED hit our convoy, and we were under attack once again. Then Cody got hit in the back. It didn't take long before reinforcements arrived, but the damage was already done. A lot of people died... Cody and I were taken to a field hospital. But we couldn't stay there, seeing it was too dangerous to stay. They managed to stabilize us and we went to the green zone where a plane was waiting and we received medical attention...'

'I see...'

'Yeah...'

'So... How come I always got told that... That his regiment didn't exist...?'

'They didn't want the world to know of what happened there because they wouldn't take the responsibility to the fact that they fucked it up. But... Everyone knows. It's all over the news now...'

'Oh... So... W-What did the doctors say about Cody...?'

'I don't know, a doctor should be here soon...'

'Okay...'

'Alright. I'll leave you alone with him. I think you got a lot of catching up to do with him...'

'Thank you, Desmond...'

'No problem...'

And that moment, he "floated" backwards. Turned left... And then I noticed his chair had wheels... Desmond was in a wheelchair... I didn't see it at first... But as he was rolling past Cody's bed, I could see his right leg was missing... And I watched how he left the room...

I watched Cody for a long time while he was still sleeping. Every now and then, I could see his hand was twitching. I held his hand... Then I noticed he slowly opened his eyes. 'N-Nikki...?'

'Hi...'

'Is it really you...?'

'Yeah... It's me...'

'You've grown... Heh...'

I looked in his dark blue eyes. And those eyes told a story. A story of what he experienced throughout his life. The struggles he faced. The difficult decisions he had to make throughout his life. But I could also see a spark of hope. The good things he experienced. And I realized I was part of that. I placed my hands on his cheeks as I was captivated by those eyes. My hands were going through his spiky hair as he gently wiped the tears out of my eyes. I closed my eyes for a short moment, and the moment I opened them, I stared in those dark blue eyes again. Then slowly, everything came back. With every gentle stroke over his short spiky hair, the more familiar it began to feel. I took his hand and placed it into mine. As soon as I looked him in the eyes again, I knew it was him. He was gently wiping the tears out of my face again. And that's when I knew I had to hold him close and never let go of him ever again. I clenched my arms around him and cried my eyes out, for finally holding him again after all these years. I felt how he was shaking a bit until he too clenched his arms around me again, crying his eyes out...

I had no idea how long we cuddled... I had no notion of time. Every now and then, we looked at each other to see if this was real, and not a dream. I had three years to think about what I was gonna say if I ever saw him again. What I wanted him to know... But now... I had no idea what to say... 'How are you feeling, Cody...?'

'I felt better...'

'Heh... Desmond told me what happened...'

'I'm sorry I-'

'Don't, Cody.... Don't... It's okay... No need to apologize...'

'Heh...'

It stayed silent for a while again as I kept looking at him... I really had no idea what to say... 'So how's college...?'

'Good. I-I'm graduating this year.'

'Hehehe...'

'Also... I have a relationship...'

'I told you you'd find someone...'

'Yeah... It just took a very long time...'

'So where's you're guy?'

'The guy is actually a she...'

'A she-male...?'

'Hehehehe, no... She's a tigress...'

'Oooooh... See, I told you...'

'Hmm-mm...'

'How long have you been together with her...?'

'Just over two years...'

'Oh wow... I think she's a keeper...'

'She really is... I think you'll really like her...'

'So what's her name...?'

'Ceylan... Look, I have a passport picture of her in my wallet.'

'Wow... She's beautiful...'

'She is...'

'Hehe... I hope you didn't mess up my place with her while I was away...'

'Naah...'

'So how's Meagan doing...?'

'She's fine... She's in the hallway so... Yeah...'

Then it stayed silent for a while as we were looking at each other. Everything is just so surreal. The moment I placed my hand on his arm, I could hear him gasp in pain. I quickly removed my hand, and looked at his arm. 'Ow...'

'I-I'm sorry...'

'It's ok...'

'Heh...'

'I got shot a couple of times in those three years. I got hit in my shoulder... My leg... My arm... Nothing too serious... Heh. Lucky for me, I had my bulletproof vest and Williams and Jaisyaram were there for me with their combat knife and lighter whenever I needed it... They just took the bullet out and put a Mickey Mouse plaster on it... They don't have Mickey Mouse plasters here...'

'H-How'd you do it for so many years, Cody...? How'd you manage to survive...? To live with it...?'

'I don't know.... We just did we had to do... We just had to survive. And we were fighting a lost cause... And we need to tell our story... Of what really happened there... It's obvious they didn't want us there. Except for the few people who did wanted to be "liberated". They kept telling everyone and themselves that they would be liberated by Ajiraimas... Heh... The whole country is blown to pieces. How can you win a war when no one survives...? What would Sangala do if they win the war...? Clean up the debris...? Take care of the victims...? Why did we had to fight someone else's war...? All because of politics... Heh... Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that bullshit just goes right out the window. Sercia wanted independence for like... Twenty years... Every demonstration from the PLA ended in bloodshed when the Junta was dispatched. They knew it was coming. It was inevitable for this to happen...'

'But... You say you fought someone else's war. And you knew about it and you didn't want to be part of it... And yet you did... So why'd you do it in the first place...? Why did you volunteered to go...?'

'Look... Nicole... These people... They have no money, no food, no education, no future or just about anything... And there were two things I could do... Help them by doing something... Or sit back and watch them destroy themselves on television. But in all honesty, Nic... I had no choice from the very beginning...'

'Yeah...'

'It just takes one man to make a difference... Imagine what we could've done. But we couldn't. A lot of people and soldiers lost their lives to bring peace back... But I guess only the future will show us if we were successful to end this war...'

He had a hard time with talking. With every word he said, it sounded as if he could break down in tears. But I listened to him. Because he had to tell his story...

Silence for a long time again... I had no idea what to say... Cody kept looking at me and I noticed every time he tried to say something... And at some point, he broke the silence...

'There's something you should know about mum and dad...'

'Oh...?'

'Yeah...'

'What is it...?'

'I don't know how to bring it to you... I wanted to wait until you were old enough to understand... You're not gonna like it... But I want you to know before I...'

'Don't talk like that...'

'The fourth wooden plank from the left can be removed from the bottom of my closet... You'll find a box there, which explains everything... Don't hate me for keeping it a secret for such a long time, Nic... I beg you... Promise me that you don't...'

'I promise...'

Cody fell asleep after a while... And while he was sleeping, I could see his left hand was twitching every now and then. His eye lids... He was mumbling in his sleep... And I was worried about him... About an hour later, he opened his eyes again... And looked at me with wide eyes... 'N-Nikki...? Is it really you...?'

'Yeah... It's me...' I said with a weak smile...

'You changed so much... I barely recognize you...'

'People change, Cody...'

'Heh... You still like those blue-berry pancakes...?'

'Yeah, of course I do...'

'I'm glad to hear that hasn't changed... I'll make you some when we get home, okay...?'

'I'd like that...'

Meagan came in to see Cody as well. Cody didn't even recognized Meagan until she said it was her. She saw Cody and gently hugged him as he grunted in pain quietly. When the doctor came, he told us about his condition... Cody has a bullet fragment near his heart chambers. He's stable at the moment, but if he didn't go to surgery, he wouldn't live long... The bullet went in from the back, and it hit his spine. So even if he would fully recover, he would be paralyzed down from his waist... The surgery was very risky... But despite that, he still wanted to... So he had his surgery the next day, early in the morning. I wanted to stay with him but I wasn't allowed to... And we had to go home...

The moment we had to go, Cody held me tight and whispered in my ear that it's not fair... And he started to cry again... It was difficult for me not to cry as well, but I didn't want him to see me crying. He told me he wanted to go home... But I wasn't allowed to stay with him... And it was a difficult thing to leave... On the way back, Meagan and I weren't talking. Even when we got home, we weren't talking... I just sat on the couch, and stared blankly into space. And at some point. I fell asleep on the couch... I only slept for two hours that night...

They called me the next morning... Asked if I could come again... And Meagan went with me... The surgery went well... But his heart was too weak... Cody passed away the next morning at 7:34 AM after he had a cardiac arrest... I was allowed to say goodbye to him, but I couldn't stay long... It was difficult for me to see him like that... I wasn't crying when I stood next to him and told him how much he meant to me as my brother... How much I loved him... It just didn't get through me... I tried to get a grip on reality... I kept telling myself that it's not fair... Because it's not... Once I got out of the room, I leaned against the wall, trying to get a grip, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't... I noticed Meagan was looking at me when she heard I started sobbing... And the moment she saw my face, she came towards me... I clenched my arms around her, and cried my eyes out... And eventually fell her tears on my shoulder too...

For three years, I waited for the moment to see Cody again. Three years... Those two hours I spend with him weren't enough... But it meant more to me then he could've ever imagined. It's just not fair... And to be honest, I don't really like to talk about Cody's death... It's painful and always will be. I didn't know how to deal with his loss...

I remembered what Cody said... "The fourth wooden plank from the left"... "It explains everything"... And I found a couple of boxes... So I took them all out and sat on the bed... One box contained a pistol... The box said "Colt M1911 A1" and inside of it, was an instruction-booklet or something and a box of ammo saying ".45 ACP"... I didn't know Cody had a pistol in the house... The other box contained letters from his girlfriend Nathalie when he was stationed in Sercia before she broke up... She couldn't handle it being separated from him for so long... And when I opened the other one, I had the biggest shock of my life...

How does it feel to know that you're whole life has been one, big, filthy lie...? That everyone was lying to me, including Cody and keeping it a secret for more then 22 years from me...? How...? Why...? Exactly... But like Cody said, it explained everything... The how and the why... I couldn't tell if it's real... But it did explained a lot...

Cody used to tell me stories about my parents. About the times that they were happy... That they once were way different... Cody was the oldest, and experienced them like that, even though it was for a short time... Evan was born three years later... But Even died at birth... My parents were so devastated by that... Torn apart and slowly, torn apart from each other... As a result, my mother started to have an affaire with someone else... An otter... I don't know his name... And then my mom became pregnant by him... Carrying me... Chances are slim you get pregnant by mating with different species because it's genetically impossible when you're on the pill, but even though the chances are slim, it's still possible... So my mother never told my dad and I was raised with them, as if I was one of there own... It wasn't until a couple of years later that my dad found out she had an affaire... So my dad beat the shit out of her to confess everything... And then she told him that I wasn't his daughter... Slowly but steady, my mother blamed her beatings on me... That I was the cause of everything... That I was the cause of their marital problems... I often heard them yelling at night, and my mother blaming everything on me... And at some point, my dad was convinced that I was... So they acted their frustrations out on me, ever since I was little... It started verbally... And slowly turned into physical abuse, causing me to be afraid of life... So it went on for years... My relatives, who accepted me with all of their love, started to treat me differently once they knew the truth... It felt as if they wanted a scapegoat... Cody stood up for me whenever I needed it, and bared the consequences each time he did... And the rest, as they say, is history... I can't blame Cody for keeping this a secret from me for such a long time... But I can honestly say I'm glad I know the truth now... I'm not a kangaroo... I'm an otter... It feels strange to know that I am... But I also felt a huge burden coming down my shoulders... Being an otter reminded me that I have nothing in common with them... But despite that... Cody is still my brother... And always will be...

I don't want to remember how Cody died... All I wanted was to remember how he lived... But the time I spent with him was way too short. And I changed, once again... I didn't want to do anything anymore... I rarely got out... I rarely spoke... I wasn't feeling hungry... I never felt so depressed before... The others could see it... I didn't want to live anymore if that would mean I could be with Cody. I'd give everything up just to be with my brother again...