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Everyone Does It with a Different Perspective

BEEP!

"Pickled herring,"

BEEP!

"Ground beef,"

BEEP!

The young woman at the checkout line looked at the blue box she'd just beeped through. Then, she looked at me with the most discerning eyebrow I had ever seen since my son at his wedding anniversary when he caught me smoking weed in his backyard, "Magnum condoms?"

I only chuckled as genially and disarmingly as I could, though I would wager I must have seemed quite the dirty old fool in her eyes. "Something special for my Esther," were the first words out of my mouth and they could not be more honest.

I could feel the woman's eyes searching me as if I had purloined a rack of those luscious honeyed hams from the deli section.

"Magnum?" There went that eyebrow again.

I began to wonder if that thing would fly off like one of those pesky little black birds I had seen in the parking lot.

I smiled and I shrugged, "You know what they say about big things in small packages."

The woman gave the smallest of smirks before she finally said to me, "Your Esther sounds like a lucky lady."

I could only smile from her kind words, "Yes, yes she is."

She dragged the next item over the scanner.

BEEP!

She paused again then showed the small black bottle to me, that black grackle cawing at me once again, "Aphrodisiac?"

I chuckled again, "Marriage counseling."

The woman's smirk returned, "Trouble at home?"

I gestured to myself in the most genuine of surprises, "Me? Oh no! No, no, no! I and my Esther, we are like..." My mind failed to conjure a coherent metaphor at the moment. Ah, "Esther and I are like pierogis, the perfect pierogis. They're, mmm, a little old fashioned, but once you take that bite, you get that wholesome feeling that just leaves you warm on the inside." My mother always did make the best pierogis; never too salty, never too meaty, but I digress.

The checkout woman only shook her head as she rang up the price. She read out the monitor quickly and proficiently, "And that's all gonna come down to $42.36, will you be paying cash or credit?"

I perked up; whenever am I not perky? I pulled a slip of paper from my blue denim jacket then I gave it to the lady, "I have a coupon for the beef. I will pay credit for the rest of it."

After the necessary payment had been made, I thanked the woman for her service, I picked up my groceries then I made my way out into the parking lot.

...

I made it home in good time. Home for me was a pleasant little green two-story house situated just a good flick away from the beach here on South Padre.

Our neighbor, Percy Rossfeldt, was out in front of his two-story blue house. The old fellow sat on his front porch, swabbing the sweat of his brow and drinking lemonade. The former Manhattanite cursed at me, "Shit, Nico! Aren't things supposed to get, you know, cooler around Fall?"

I felt for his plight, surely I did, but I laughed at his whining, "You've been a Texas citizen for three months now, Percy! If you're not used to the heat now, you could always fly back to New York."

Percy laughed, "And let Dianne have another excuse to tell me 'I told you so?' Not fuckin' likely." He laughed again, just as his wife came outside.

Dianne spoke up with that relentlessly sexy tease in her voice, "What y'all talkin' 'bout out here, Percy?"

Her husband flinched after hearing her speak, "Y'all? 'Bout? You're already pickin' up on the local slang, Di?"

She tittered cutely, "That's nothin'. You should hear the things our Uli is pickin' up with his new friends."

Percy winced even as his wife held him against her bust, "I assume it's only more of that, what's it called? That EDM music thing he raves about? What the fuck is swag anyway?"

I could stand here and listen to my two friends have their cute little to-and-fro here, but my wife was expecting me back with those groceries and pronto. I called out to my neighbors, "Well, I'd better get inside so I could put away these groceries. See you later, Percy! And you too, Dianne!" I waved to them as they each called back to me.

...

The screen door swung closed behind me as I came into my living room.

I had just about called out to my Esther when my alert hearing picked up her light snoring coming from the living room couch.

My eyes quickly made out her seeming frail form laid out upon our family sofa. Heavens above, my heart always melted to see her so peaceful. I put down the groceries on the coffee table our son had bought us for an anniversary past, I forget which. After setting my groceries down, I crawled on my fours, not an easy thing to do at my age mind you, and then I was nose to nose with my darling wife.

With not a bit of hesitation, I had placed the gentlest of kisses on my Esther's lips.

...

I had heard the old fool the minute he'd come into our living room. I had only peeped once to see my Nicolai down on his hands and knees; the scoundrel. I closed my eyes and I waited; I had to fight back the smile as I felt his breath. I could not ruin the moment for him, much as it warmed my heart.

But, as his lips fell on mine, my heart was a fire. My eyes opened for him and I returned his kiss like we were star-crossed lovers, bound by our emotions.

When we finally separated, curse our need to breathe, I brushed his face and stared deep in to his eyes of dark brown, like a rich caramel, and I said to him, "You old fool."

...

But I was her old fool.

My Esther, my fire, I spoke to her, "If I am a fool, how is it I ever won your heart?"

She tittered in that way she always had before she answered me, "If I recall, it was me who had to protect your nerdy ass from, what was his name again?"

My cheeks flushed from being reminded of my high school nemesis, "Bobby Kent."

My Essie laughed, "Ah yes, Bobby Kent... Bobby Kent got kicked in the-"

"Esther..." I admonished her playfully.

She snickered some more, "Right, I keep forgetting. My Nico's so sensitive; sometimes I wonder which of us is the female here."

Those bright hazel eyes of hers could never make me upset, no matter how much she questioned my gender. I brushed back her long dark hair as I retorted, "Well, it must be you, Essie. Our son did not come out of me, after all."

She stuck a finger out then playfully flicked my nose as she so skillfully pointed out, "Technically yes, he did come out of you too, Nico darling."

It was hard to beat that logic.

Esther and I kissed again.

...

It was afternoon by the time Essie had been, um, satisfied enough that she could let me out of bed. I love her, surely I do, but that woman latched on like a lamprey.

I retired myself to the relative safety of our restroom where I washed my face. It was moments like this when I could just look at myself. And there I was, old Nicolai Romanov, son of Linka, my mother who raised me all on her own when we lived in Brighton Beach.

I turned 60 this year, my wife 62, and yet I still felt like the same Nico who needed his shoes tied by his mother, who ate his mother's pierogies with the biggest smile, and who nearly pissed himself when first asking his closest friend in high school to go on a date with him.

44 years have passed since then, and I still wake up with her every day; my friend.

BIM-BUM!

Our downstairs doorbell rang. Someone had dropped in to chat with us.

I stepped out of the restroom. My wife was asleep; a plane crash couldn't wake her after one of our "sessions."

I slipped on a pair of denim jeans, sprayed myself down sufficiently with air freshener to hide the smell, and then I made my way downstairs.

...

I opened my front door and was at that instant assaulted by a loud shriek followed by a hug.

"DADDY!" My son, Vladimir, our only child leapt up then hugged his old man with the force of a freight train.

"Vlad! My boy! What brings you here at this hour?" I did not want to sound ungrateful; but the afternoon was indeed a strange time to just drop in on family members.

Vlad broke free from me, "Dad, Dad, does everyone always have to think I'm up to something when I'm just trying to be neighborly, honestly! It's like you don't trust me!" He pouted, but in his typical joking way. He turned to the handsome tall fellow standing with him, "You see, Tay! Even now, Dad's always gotta question my integrity."

My son's partner, Taylor, shook his head with a familiar resignation in his gaze, "That's because you usually are up to something, Vlady."

Vlad nodded indignantly at his lover, "Yeah, but that's beside the point!" He turned back to me, "Dad! Could we come in?"

It took me all of ten seconds to register what the hell I had just witnessed before I realized my son had asked to come in. I nodded, "Oh, oh yes of course, come on in!" I stepped aside and held the door for the two young men to enter. I asked as they got settled in "Your mother is upstairs right now; do we need her too?"

"No, no!" My son answered, "Mom doesn't have to get up for this."

Vlad and Taylor sat themselves on our family couch while I took my place on my shiny, black armchair.

Vlad spoke up while he held hands with his lover, "Dad, me and Tay had been thinking," His bright hazel eyes connected with Taylor's dark brown before he looked back at me, "You know, we're coming up to our little double whammy. I mean, Jesus, most couples gotta worry about remembering birthdays, anniversaries and all that... fuck me if both happen to be in December right?"

Of course, how could I forget? The two most important days in my son's life; December 12th, his birthday, then December 24th, the day he started his relationship with Taylor. Had eleven years really gone that fast?

I gave my son what I hoped was my most friendly smile, "Yes, Vlad, so you and Taylor are planning something special?"

My son held his hands with his lawfully wedded husband and he looked to me before he finally spoke, "Tay and I have been talking about us finding a surrogate, the problem is we're a little short on money. Things have slowed down at the restaurant, apparently Italian food loses its appeal in the Fall season..." he shook his head like he didn't want to believe that, "Tay's still got his classes so, I can't ask him to pile more onto his plate."

Taylor interjected, "I keep telling him, it's no problem, I could just get some part-time work."

Vlad shook his head at his lover's selfless offer, "No, Tay... You've already got enough on your plate with going back to college; I can't ask you to do that."

So then I understood my part in this, "So then you're asking your father for money to pay for this surrogate."

Vlad turned to me with those same hazel eyes as his mother, "Dad, you know I wouldn't be asking for anything unless it was something important, and this is very important for me."

27 long years, and I still find it hard to say no to those eyes, maybe I was meant to be a woman. I rolled my eyes, inwardly not outwardly, and I answered "Yes, this is very important, I agree, but are you certain this is the right time? With your work, Taylor's school work, neither of you could really make time for a child and, take it from me," I pointed at my charming yet incorrigible son, "The child comes first before anything."

My boy seemed set in his way, "Yeah, and we get that, it won't be easy, but I think we're ready. You and Mom..."

There are very few instances in my life where I have ever had to raise my voice to another soul; this would be one.

"Your mother and I!" I hated ever scolding my boy, I did not want to seem like that type of person, but sometimes this boy tried my patience, "Your mother and I married young, just like you, then we were in our thirties when we had you."

Vlad rarely ever got angry with me, just as I rarely ever got angry with anyone; this was just one of those days, I'm afraid. He furrowed his brow at me, two angry grackles cawing at me, "Yeah, 'cause you were into that 'free-love' shit, you didn't want kids cramping your flow, I got it!"

His partner gave my son a well-deserved nudge, "Considering what you and I get up to with our friends, you don't really get to say anything about free love, Vlady."

"Need we ever remind you, Son, that our only serious fight in our whole marriage was about you?" My wife's dulcet tones came from behind me. Apparently, our child's bitching was enough to summon her.

Vlad looked behind me as my darling Esther had come downstairs to join our discussion. He had to shield his eyes, "Mom! Jesus!"

My Esther had come down in her bathrobe, not even fully closed, to stand beside me as she rolled her eyes, "Vladimir Romanov, you do not even come to me about being bashful! These little tits used to be your whole world!"

Had I mentioned how much I love my wife?

...

I had heard our little angel as he verbally accosted mine and Nico's past... little fucker. I had felt it an appropriate point to add in my piece.

I hastily threw on my bathrobe, did not even tie it, my boy deserved to be embarrassed and it is in a mother's job description to do so.

So here I stood beside my husband, my son shielding his eyes from his mother's body while his handsome husband regarded me with the same look one would give to a casual acquaintance. His mother was our dear friend, Thelma and I'm sure she taught him to respect his elders, or the boy found me attractive, I couldn't tell.

I looked upon our pride and joy, eyes still averted from the sheer beauty that was me, "Vladimir, when your father and I had tied the knot; we didn't want children. We lived in our little fantasy world where we thought we could just fuck all our friends and live in denial. Then one April morning, I go to the doctor for my routine checkup then bam!" I'd let my robe fall open a little more just to make my son and his husband blush some more, "You were there, already three weeks old."

My husband spoke his piece, "And it tore us apart, Vladimir! I was 32 years old, I still wasn't ready for a child; we fought, we cursed each other." My Nico always broke my heart every time I saw him upset, "In rage, I went out, I got drunk... and I woke up with another woman."

I continued where my beautiful Nico was too ashamed to do so, "And we are polygamists, sure, sleeping with other people is our thing, but this was the one true time your father ever cheated. He hurt me, worst he hurt himself. I did not see your father again for five months. I found my Nicolai in a homeless shelter; he'd been so ashamed by what he did."

My Nico sniffed, "Your mother had already forgiven me, but I could not forgive myself. I'd behaved like a child whose mother took his toy from him!"

I looked at my Vladimir and his Taylor, "So don't you ever bring up our past, boy! You're a married man and you have your own house, but I'm still your mother and I can still whoop you like the moms on Cops!"

...

Our son was quiet for the next five seconds before he finally found some words, "Look... I'm sorry, I didn't come here to talk about your past, and I really shouldn't have brought it up." He took a breath, "I really just wanted to talk about us looking into surrogacy. Even before I knew I'd be with Taylor, another part of me still wanted to have my own kids someday, maybe see them get the same love you guys always gave me."

I leaned forward in my armchair to look my son in his eyes, "Any child you would have, Vladimir, you know we would love them, but as I've already said, you have your restaurant, Taylor has his college, you're currently too busy for a child."

My Esther leaned over my shoulder, "Whatever happened to that nice woman you two met at your mother's wedding, Taylor?"

Taylor snickered while our son blushed at the memory, "That hot milf we both banged in the church restroom while her family was in the other room? Back in Vegas with her family, it was just a thing. We did learn from the two swinging experts here after all."

My Essie snickered with pride, "That you did."

Our son ruffled his dark hair, "So I guess... we can still hold off on having children, at least until we're better situated. This is still something I really want, and most of our friends are having kids. Hell, my best friend, Taylor's sister is married with a kid of her own and we're the same age!"

I chuckled, "Vladimir, childbirth is not a competition; it is a commitment, just like your marriage right now. You remember what your mother told you on your wedding day?"

Vlad sighed, "That marriage is compromises and promises."

My Esther added, "And are you quite prepared to compromise yours and Taylor's lives with unneeded extra stress?"

Our son shook his head, "Well, when you put it that way, not really."

I got up from my chair to embrace our son, "Of course not... as much as it was a joy raising you, seeing you make friends and find love, everything else leading up to that is an indignity I would not wish on my worst enemy, And know, we're not forbidding you a child, we want grandchildren we can spoil every Christma-hanukkah, whatever it is we're calling it now, but we still need to know you fully understand the full weight of what it is you're wanting."

Vladimir leaned into my warm embrace and he sighed, "Yeah, thanks Dad."

After ten seconds of awkward silence, my wife clapped her hands, "Well then, you two must be hungry! Your father had gone shopping this morning, we have beef for some beef pierogis later, if you boys will stick around and share a meal with us old folks."

Taylor nodded while he soothed our son, "Yeah, pierogis sound good, I think we will stay, right Vlad?"

Our son smiled, "Yeah, that sounds delicious, I love Mom's pierogis."

And so we ended our little family discussion with the promise of pierogis, the same from my mother's old recipes. My mouth watered already at the thought...

...

"Nico, Nico? Nico!"

The 60 year-old Russian fruit bat looked up after hearing his name spoken, "Yes?"

Across from him sat his next door neighbor, Percival. The aging falcon peered down his beak at his friend, "Nicolai, Jesus! I just asked you how your day went and you went into this whole speech about pierogis, commitment or some shit... then you started droolin' and I thought you were havin' a seizure or somethin'."

The bat had to think, "Oh, oh yes... I, uh, had a rather interesting discussion earlier with my son and his husband and I guess I'd been mulling the whole thing over in my head all day."

It was night time, Vlad and Taylor had gone home by then.

The two fathers sat together on Nico's front porch.

Percy shook his head, he'd never fully understand this strange old bat he now called friend. He patted his friend on his shoulder, "So you think we oughta go back in, get started with the..." he winked at the older male, "marriage counseling?"

Nicolai snickered, "Oh Percy, knowing my wife, she'll have already coaxed Dianne into bed by this point, so might as well." He leaned in and gave his neighbor a very affectionate peck on his beak before he got up, "Come on then, we don't want our wives to have all the fun now do we?"

Percy laughed, "Not fuckin' likely!"

The two men went inside Nicolai's home, each with a wing extended over the others' shoulder. The screen door swung close behind them as the husbands sought out their wives for tonight's "counseling."