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Where She Got It From

Chapter 77

Zeinara knew her father was awake. He'd been awake since the morning before, and everyone had left him and Azrian alone for an entire day, believing they needed the private time. Decius alone approached the royal bedchamber with each meal and left again with a smile.

Zeinara was glad that Etienne was well, but she also wasn't exactly in a rush to see him. She didn't feel like arguing, apologizing, and explaining away why she'd done what she'd done. She didn't feel like reliving her time at Canderly Manor, where Jule had raped her every night in an attempt to father a child on her. She didn't feel like reliving . . . any of it. She just wanted to hold Kayya close in the warmth of her sheets and smell Kayya's sweet mane and listen to the fire crackle in the dark and pretend none of it had happened.

Zeinara was afraid. She didn't want to see Etienne's hurt and disappointment. She didn't want to see how her foolish actions had angered him.

Of course, Etienne summoned Zeinara to his bedchamber almost as soon as he had finished spending time alone with Azrian. Zeinara did everything in her power to stall, sending Axel with written excuses that she was busy at court, she was in a council meeting, she was dealing with an ambassador. She knew that Etienne likely _knew_she was lying, but her father was patient and seemed willing to allow her to take her time approaching him. "You'll come around," said the message Etienne sent to his daughter, "and when you do, I'll be here."

It took Zeinara exactly a week to come around. During that time, King Damon left the castle for his journey back to Poston, quiet and humbled and docile as a pup. Zeinara couldn't hold back a smile: if Damon had believed Ettoras a mere boy before, he now knew otherwise. He was completely polite and courteous toward Ettoras, who coldly ignored his groveling and barely acknowledged his existence with a nod. But Damon persisted. He was too smart to let any sourness between himself and Ettoras develop. Whether Ettoras one day ruled Aonre or one day ruled S'pru, either way, he was going to be in a position of power, and that meant Damon had better be on his good side.

What was most curious of all, Damon seemed to bear Ettoras no true ill will. In fact, he seemed sincerely sorry that Ettoras had walked in on him with Yeneneshe and wanted to make amends. Naturally, in Ettoras' mind there was no making amends, but Zeinara encouraged Ettoras to at least pretend to forgive Damon, if not for the sake of the peace. Ettoras listened to Zeinara and gave Damon a polite and good-natured farewell. Damon in turn said his goodbyes to Ettoras and seemed relieved that he wouldn't be finding his head on a pike some time in the future.

Damon next bowed graciously to Zeinara and kissed her paw, wished Judith well and praised her scheming, and even offered to leave Icarus behind to be with Decius. Decius - who had been disillusioned and could now recognize the king's manipulations - politely declined, and Zeinara thought he seemed a little hurt that Icarus had only pretended to have an interest in him. Zeinara looked at Icarus and thought perhaps the Akbash had been pretending at first, but he certainly seemed to care about Decius now: he gave Decius a kiss goodbye that seemed so tender and sincere, Decius shed a tear. But Decius was adamant that he was through with Icarus.

Having said his goodbyes to his children, King Damon then departed, and he didn't even stop to say goodbye to Etienne but sent him a note with his apologies instead. Then he was making his way from the castle in a carriage, and Zeinara watched with narrow eyes from the jagged battlements, thinking darkly, Good riddance.

Of course, Prince Sterling and Princess Ethelyn stayed behind. In the wake of their father's assault and departure, they were quieter, sitting at the supper table with a sort of frosty anger that made everyone wary. But Sterling remained as polite and charming as ever, while Ethelyn was as stoic, and neither picked an argument with Ettoras nor expressed any discontent. Sterling pretty much ignored Ettoras for the most part, and Ettoras did likewise.

Ettoras seemed to be relieved that King Damon had gone, but he was as miserable as before, ignoring the sad looks Yeneneshe passed his way any time they crossed paths. What the vixen had done with King Damon seemed to put Ettoras in a foul mood that only worsened with each passing day. Instead of answering Etienne's summons, he slouched around the castle, staring moodily out the windows, ignoring it when his mother spoke to him, and arguing with Teliso more heatedly than ever. Things especially got worse when Ettoras walked up on Teliso talking to Yeneneshe through her bedroom door. Apparently, for the first time ever, Yeneneshe and Teliso were actually talking to each other without screaming. Teliso was trying to comfort Yeneneshe, and Ettoras - interpreting this as a budding romance - stormed upon their conversation and turned it into an argument that raged between the three of them for several minutes before fizzling out. Ettoras eventually stalked off, Teliso marched away in the other direction, and Yeneneshe hadn't come out of her room since.

Teliso found Zeinara later and told her the entire story, and Zeinara was ashamed of her half-brother's behavior. She apologized for Ettoras, explaining to Teliso that Ettoras had always been very sensitive and that he shouldn't let it get to him.

"Next time, I'll just knock him flat," said Teliso, who stood with the sunlight playing across his white mane.

Zeinara knew it wasn't an empty threat. Though Teliso was rather slender and short beside tall and muscular Ettoras, what he lacked in muscle, he more than made up for in magic.

Zeinara didn't want their arguing to come to blows and begged Teliso to keep his temper. "Sometimes I think you're worse than me," she told Teliso and was glad to see him smile.

"No one's worse than you," Teliso returned, and Zeinara laughed.

Zeinara and Teliso were walking through the castle orchard together, and Axel followed behind them with a basket, taking apples from the Beauceron gardeners who were tending the trees. It was a bright day, despite the rainy approach of Fall, and the trees had already turned. Brilliant leaves of orange, red, and yellow waved gently against the cold gray stone of the castle walls. The flowers were curling up as if to sleep, and Zeinara couldn't remember the last time she'd seen an insect.

Teliso walked at Zeinara's side, wearing the sort of long, dark brown robe Zeinara had seen once on a monk. But his robe was sleeveless and tied at the waist with a rope braided from long grass he'd taken from the castle gardens. Leather bracelets stacked on his wrists, and his feet were bare beneath the robe. Zeinara had always thought Teliso was boyishly handsome, with his square jaw and gray eyes that were so pale, they shined like ice. The red blotch covering his left eye always had a way of crinkling whenever he made faces. It reminded her of her father's eyepatch.

"Your brother's behaving like a fool," Teliso went on. "I have no interest in Yeneneshe. I simply felt bad for her." He blinked sadly. "You should hear some of the stories Asres and Gallus have about her upbringing. She was very alone . . . like me. And everyone she loved was dead and gone." He shrugged. "I thought I could make her feel better. If things got better for me, they could get better for her - horrid wench that she is."

Zeinara laughed. "That's pretty generous of you, considering you utterly despise her."

Teliso laughed as well. He was walking with a slight limp that had always drawn Zeinara's curiosity, but because it was very likely there was some miserable back story to the injury, she had never asked about it. She had to wonder why he didn't use a cane. It certainly would have made things easier for him.

"Anyway . . ." Teliso said. "Yeneneshe is . . ." He tried to ease down onto a stone bench, and Axel took his arm to help him. He glanced at her gratefully, and his eyes were soft with affection.

Zeinara stood next to Teliso, watching in amusement as Axel pecked him on the cheek before going back to her apple gathering. Teliso watched Axel walk away, tail swaying, and seemed to have forgotten what he was going to say.

Zeinara lifted her brows, her paws thrust in her pockets. "You were saying?" she prompted, laughter in her voice.

"Huh . . .?" Teliso glanced at Zeinara and looked away in embarrassment. "Oh, right. Yeneneshe . . . You should go and see her. She's more alone than ever right now."

Zeinara snorted. "Why in bloody hell would she want to hear from me? I played a part in isolating her," she said guiltily. "She must hate me. Thought it was best if I left her alone."

Teliso looked at Zeinara in surprise, as if she should have known better. "What are you talking about? You're the only friend she's ever had."

Zeinara took Teliso's advice and went to see Yeneneshe that very afternoon. Though Damon had long gone, Yeneneshe had insisted on staying in her chambers since the argument with Ettoras. She didn't even attend meals. So it was to Yeneneshe's bedchamber that Zeinara went that day.

As Zeinara climbed the stairs, she felt tired and ill. She had even thrown up in her chamber pot after breakfast, though no one knew except for Axel. She couldn't decide what was wrong with her. She only knew that whatever was happening to her body, it was a part of whatever was to come, when ties would sever and paths would diverge. She would marry Sterling, perhaps Florian would finally leave for Curith (he seemed to be putting it off), and Ettoras would return to S'pru. Zeinara was suddenly determined that he would return with Yeneneshe.

All evidence to the contrary, Zeinara didn't want Ettoras and Yeneneshe to go their separate ways and had the sneaking suspicion Yeneneshe had pushed her brother away on purpose. Perhaps she was afraid of what loving him would mean. Ettoras was determined to return to S'pru, after all, and Zeinara knew Yeneneshe had no real desire to leave Aonre.

As Zeinara passed up the corridor to Yeneneshe's bedchamber, she was carrying a neatly folded robe in both paws, with a rope-belt coiled on top of it. The robe was dark brown and plainly tailored. It was almost identical to Teliso's robe, except Teliso had cut the arms off his. The garment was a simple robe sewn by the local nuns, who gave such garments to unfortunate travelers who hadn't anything else. The nuns were the ones who had given Teliso his clothing, and back when Pili first came to the castle, she was given something similar to wear. Zeinara had tried the week before to get Yeneneshe to wear a dress, but she realized Yeneneshe might like a robe better. At least it was better than wearing a torn coat and no pants everyday.

Zeinara stopped outside the double doors of Yeneneshe's bedchamber and called to the vixen. The guards either side the doors bowed their heads in reverent greeting.

"Go away," came Yeneneshe's voice through the door.

"No," Zeinara answered.

"Go away," Yeneneshe repeated simply.

Zeinara's mouth twisted irritably. "Look, Yen. I'm coming in there whether you like it or not. I'm _pretending_to ask for the sake of courtesy."

There was a pause as Yeneneshe grumbled irritably on the other side of the door, then she said bitterly, "Fine. Come in."

Zeinara nodded at the guards, and they opened the doors for her. Inside, Yeneneshe's room was immaculate. She hadn't touched anything. Not a book was off the shelf, not a chair was out of place. Yeneneshe was sitting on the edge of her bed - also so immaculately made that Zeinara assumed she'd been sleeping on the floor - holding herself and looking sour. She jerked her chin and looked out the window when Zeinara sat on the bed at her side.

"Don't you have some place to be?" Yeneneshe demanded.

"I came to apologize," Zeinara answered.

"Save it. I don't care," Yeneneshe said at once. "Ettoras hates me, and you only made it worse."

"If he hates you, that's _your_doing," Zeinara answered with a nod. Yeneneshe quickly glared at her, and she added, "But you're right: I didn't have to push it further. Kayya and I . . . we're sorry."

Yeneneshe sniffed and nodded as if to say "damn straight" and looked out the window again. She was stiff and angry, and she looked so small and lost to Zeinara. There was a sadness in her face that only made Zeinara feel all the more guilty.

"Here, I brought you something to wear," Zeinara said, offering the robe.

Yeneneshe's head snapped around and her lip curled at the offered clothing. "You want me to wear that dog nonsense. Why? So I can faint at supper like Kayya?"

"There's no corset," Zeinara said with a smile and unfolded the robe so she could see. "Though I thought about bringing you one. I noticed you were looking plump around the midsection --" She laughed when Yeneneshe snatched the robe and playfully hit her with it.

"Forget what you saw," Yeneneshe said, looking away with barely a hint of a blush.

"What? You on your knees, legs spread, ass out?" said Zeinara dreamily. "Sure . . . Sure . . . I'll forget that . . ."

Yeneneshe scowled. "Stop _thinking_about it!"

Zeinara laughed again. "Alright," she said, sincerely this time.

Yeneneshe stared at the robe in her lap, and Zeinara was surprised when her lip trembled. "I only slept with Damon to protect Ettoras," she muttered. "He promised to leave quietly if I gave myself to him. I just wanted him gone."

"Is that the only reason you slept with him?" Zeinara said lightly, trying to keep the accusation from her voice.

". . . no," Yeneneshe said. "It wasn't the only reason."

Zeinara scowled. "Damon's that good, eh?"

Yeneneshe swallowed hard and her brows pressed together miserably. "I did it for you, idiot."

Zeinara looked at Yeneneshe in surprise.

Yeneneshe's lips were trembling, and she tightened them angrily to make them stop. She looked away. "Damon was a manipulative bastard no better than Jule, and once Sterling was on the throne, it would have been Damon who truly ruled the realm, make no mistake." She glanced sideways at Zeinara. "You would have been miserable, and there would have been nothing you could do. Someone had to remove Damon, and since everyone else was too in love with him to actually do anything . . ."

Zeinara swallowed hard. She didn't know what to say. "Uh . . . thanks, Yen. Didn't know you cared."

"Yeah, well . . ." Yeneneshe looked away. "We aren't lovers or anything now, so don't get any ideas."

Zeinara smiled. "What about sisters?" she said good-naturedly. "That's good enough for me."

Yeneneshe blinked, and Zeinara could tell she was resisting the urge to smile. "Yes. . . I suppose," she said after hesitating. "I . . ." She dropped her eyes to her lap. "You can't replace Mogethis . . ." She looked out the window again and folded her arms. "But I suppose you'll do."

Zeinara looked out the window as well. "Mogethis hated this room. Said it stank of goat milk."

Yeneneshe snorted. "That why you gave it to me?"

Zeinara shrugged. "I figured you were used to the smell." She laughed when Yeneneshe elbowed her.

"Ettoras will forgive you, you know," Zeinara said after a while.

Yeneneshe didn't look at Zeinara. "But do I deserve to be forgiven?"

"What do you mean? You said you were protecting us --"

"But I liked it," Yeneneshe said miserably. She glanced at Zeinara with shame in her eyes and bowed her head. "I liked it when he t-touched me . . ."

Zeinara frowned sadly and touched Yeneneshe's shoulder. "It's alright, Yen. No one's perfect."

"That doesn't excuse what I did!" Yeneneshe snapped. She hugged herself and whispered miserably, "I _liked_him inside . . . the way he touched me . . . what he did to me . . ." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't deserve Ettoras."

"That may be," Zeinara teased, drawing a glare from Yeneneshe, "but my knucklehead brother will forgive you."

Yeneneshe's lip curled. "How can you know what Ettoras will do? You've known him as long as I have!"

Zeinara only smiled. "I know because he loves you."

Yeneneshe looked at Zeinara in surprise, and it was clear that she'd thought Ettoras didn't love her anymore. She looked away, and Zeinara thought she seemed confused.

"If you just go talk to him," Zeinara went on, "I promise you . . . it'll be worth your while."

Zeinara stood, and Yeneneshe looked up at her, her mouth slightly open.

"What do you mean?" Yeneneshe asked suspiciously.

Zeinara grinned. "Just go to Ettoras . . . you'll see. Now if you'll excuse me . . ." Zeinara turned away. "I've got to go see my father," she said unhappily. She was almost to the door when Yeneneshe called to her. She stopped and looked back.

"Your father will forgive you," Yeneneshe said gently. She smiled, her long white cascading around one side of her face. "He loves you."

Zeinara smiled gratefully and went out.

When Zeinara entered Etienne's bedchamber, she was surprised to find him up and about: the last time she'd seen him, he'd looked like a corpse. Now he was full of energy and life, pacing restlessly back and forth on his balcony, fully dressed in tight tan breeches and a loose white shirt. His golden mane was down, and his ears were back, nestled in its flowing tresses. His black ears went forward, however, when the doors closed behind Zeinara and she took a step into the room. He looked over his shoulder at her and smiled warmly.

Zeinara rubbed her arm. "Hi, Daddy."

Etienne offered his paw, and Zeinara came to him on the balcony and took it. He kissed her paw and touched her face in relief, and it pained her to see the lines under his eyes. He wasn't wearing his eyepatch, and though the sight of his shriveled eyelids was saddening, Zeinara thought she actually preferred her father without it. He was handsome and happy and practically glowing. She had never seen him so happy, and she realized it was because of Azrian.

"So where's your beau?" Zeinara teased. She folded her arms.

Etienne smiled and turned away, leaning his paws on the railing. "Azrian? With your brother. Said he was upset and she could feel it. Should I be worried?"

"About Ettoras? No. He's like you: he'll bounce back."

Etienne smiled to hear her doting words, but the smile faded and was replaced with concern. He frowned. "And what about you? I know the journey has been . . . difficult."

Zeinara looked out over the balcony railing and held back a miserable sigh. He was trying to find some roundabout way to ask about Jule and everything she had endured, but she didn't want to talk about it.

"I'm fine, Daddy," Zeinara said, looking out at the rooftops of Thalsin, which spread away to the pale horizon. She could feel Etienne watching her, waiting for her to break down crying, perhaps. But she was through crying. And she was through looking back.

"So much like your mother," Etienne said after a pause, and Zeinara looked at him, startled. Etienne smiled at her surprise and looked out at the rooftops of Thalsin. "Taiga could be a bit . . . stoic. She took things in stride, didn't cry, faced her duty and the world bravely. But when we were alone . . . she was soft, she cried. She was open . . . and sweet. It's okay to cry, Zeinara."

Zeinara dropped her eyes, happy to hear the affection and concern in her father's voice.

"Asres said you agreed to have me with Taiga, that you weren't forced by the gods or anyone," she said.

"And Asres is right," Etienne said and took Zeinara's paw without looking at her. He squeezed her fingers as he pulled her near, and her heart fluttered. She smiled at him a moment, then rested her head on his shoulder. He let go of her paw and his put his arm around her, and she closed her eyes, so happy to feel the strength of his embrace for the first time in what felt like an eternity. With his arm around her, she felt safe and loved and so relieved. There was a while when she thought Etienne would never wake.

"What about Azrian?" Zeinara asked after a while. "Nkwe always said Ti'uu pushed you to love each other, that you were foolish for obeying. He believed your love caused the entire world to suffer. I think it's the reason why he and Mogethis hated Ti'uu. They believed the only way to restore order was Yfel's path, and that was why they tried to kill you back in the old war, before I was born. They believed King Antony was evil." She watched her father with sympathy and could see the sadness in his eye.

"Was I evil?" Etienne said with an unhappy shrug. "When Nadheertia refused marriage and ran, I pursued her, and the foxes threw themselves at me to protect their empress. They forced my paw, but I could have just as easily withdrawn in peace and respected Nadheertia's choice not to marry me. Instead, I chased her like a lovesick puppy . . . And because the gods had told me to anyway, I figured I was doing the right thing, that it was all for the good of the world, that the foxes were a threat to Skkye and I should tame them." He laughed flatly. "The gods were saved from the threat of war, but what about mortals? Many died so that I could have Nadheertia in my arms again. If Nkwe and Mogethis and the Children of Yfel hated me . . ." He swallowed. "They had good reason to."

Zeinara frowned and placed a sympathetic paw on her father's arm. "I don't even know what to say. Not sure what I would have done in your place." She shrugged. "I might have chased Nadheertia too."

Etienne smiled, looking at his daughter with soft admiration. "No. You wouldn't. If Kayya told you no," he said, startling Zeinara, who had no idea he even knew about Kayya, "you would respect her choice and not chase her from city to city. Nkwe was right: our love caused the world to suffer. Nadheertia ran and I chased her, then the foxes tried to protect her and they fell in my path. Somehow . . ." Etienne frowned, "I can't help thinking the gods meant for it to happen that way. They gave me a reason to conquer the foxes that went beyond their desire for revenge . . . they gave me Nadheertia. She was a carrot tied on a pole, and I chased her, blind to all else." He shook his head bitterly. "But Nkwe was also wrong," he added and smiled at Zeinara, his eye soft. "I loved Azrian - I loved_Nadheertia_ - not because the gods told me to, but because I took one look at her . . ." He shook his head. "And I could do nothing else."

Zeinara's lips curled in a half-smile to hear the helplessness in her father's voice. "So the stories are true. You really are . . ."

"King Antony? Yes. To my great misfortune," Etienne answered with a dry laugh.

"And Azrian is Nadheertia . . . the kingdom is going to flip."

"Yes," Etienne said wearily. "I'm trying to put off the eventual hoopla and enjoy the quiet as much as I can. Announcing that our goddess has returned will make things better for the foxes. But the singing and dancing in the streets, groveling courtiers and pilgrims crowding the castle gates . . . I can do without that for a while."

Zeinara laughed softly. "Just glad you're awake to the take your bloody throne back. I don't like ruling much. Though I'm rather good at it."

Etienne smiled. "My brave girl. Lord knows what you've been through." He squeezed her in his arm. "This time I'll be with you. I promise you that."

"This time?" Zeinara prompted.

Etienne paused unhappily. "Zeinara . . . you're pregnant."

Zeinara went still as the dread washed over her. "N-No . . ." she whispered, hating the sob in her voice. She blinked out a tear and closed her eyes, and it was some small comfort when Etienne kissed her on the head. She thought she was through crying. She'd thought wrong.

They stood on the balcony for several minutes as Etienne just held her and she silently wept into his shirt. He was warm and strong and smelled good, like fresh linen. She never wanted him to let go, and she wished she could take back all the hurt she'd caused. Captain Franklin was just something else that had happened because of her.

"But how can you know this?" Zeinara asked after a while. "How . . .?"

"Don't ask me to explain fox magic," Etienne said helplessly. "Azrian could tell you were pregnant. She told me because she didn't know how to tell you. Thought it would be best if I did."

Zeinara closed her eyes. "Daddy . . . I'm afraid. . . . I don't want to die like Taiga."

Etienne blinked sadly, and Zeinara saw a clear tear slip from his eye. "I won't let you die," Etienne promised in a voice that almost trembled. "And if you do," he smiled, "I'll just resurrect you and make you my zombie princess."

Zeinara laughed through her tears. "Daddy! Your jokes are terrible."

Etienne laughed as well. "Where'd you think you got it from?"