FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

'This one gets a special place...'

Terry placed the McLaren I bought for him in his display case, next to the Ferrari Enzo and the Lamborghini Reventón, like he said he would. And he had a lot of those scale models. The most noticeable were of course the McLaren and the Reventón, but he also owned a Murcielago, a Gallardo and even a Countach. A couple of Porsches, Maserati's, Ferrari's, Lotus's, a B-Engineering Edonis, A Bugatti Veyron, A Saleen S7 and a Saleen S281, a Pagani Zonda R, and a Jaguar XJ220, but I didn't find them as interesting as the Reventón... 'You're collection keeps on growing, Terry...'

'Yeah. You really shouldn't have bought the McLaren...'

'You say that now, but wait until you turn on the spotlight.'

'Hehehehe... Thanks, Nic... I love it...'

'Don't thank me yet... I'll find a way for you to repay me...'

Terry turned the spotlight of the display case on while I flopped down on his bed and stared at the display case for a while. The McLaren looked absolutely stunning next to all those cars. Terry flopped down on the bed as well and stared at the display case while he was smiling. After a while, I looked to my left and noticed Terry had his eyes closed. I looked at him for a moment, then stared at the display case again... 'What time is it...?' Terry asked me...

'Five AM... You tired...?'

'A little... You...?'

'Same, really...'

'So... How was that talk of yours with Ceylan...?'

'Hm? Oh... Yeah, it was great... We both want to try it again.'

'What, just like that?'

'Yeah. I uh... I told her a couple of things I wanted her to know. And well, she did too. We were really honest against each other. And... We made some sort of a compromise.'

'Heh... Well, I'm glad you two worked things out...'

'And... I told her that... If we were gonna start all over again, she had to know something...'

'Like what...?'

It stayed silent for a moment while I wasn't sure whether or not I should tell him. That I... Well... Basically wanted to fuck him whenever I wanted to... And well, Ceylan told me it's okay and that it's not a strange thing to like it... Wow... "I'm about to get laid... Don't rush it... Just do what comes naturally... Do what feels right... It shouldn't be too hard to get him in the mood..." 'Ceylan had to know what?'

'Huh? Oh, uh... Like... You could be my...'

'You're...?'

'Well... M-My "mate"... I-If you know what I mean...'

'You're "mate"...?'

'Yeah...? I-If you want to that is...'

'A mate is just another word for a "fuck-toy"...'

'B-But it's not like that, Terry...'

'Nikki...'

Terry let out a deep sigh when he finally looked at me... Maybe he wanted it too... I hoped so... But why I wanted to... I didn't know... I just knew that I wanted to sleep with him. That's all... The moment I saw his expression on his face, my weak smile got wiped off of my face...

'This is the exact same thing that caused everything to fall apart in the first place. Now that everything is finally pulling back together, you want to start all over again? We talked about this, remember...?'

'I-It's different now, Terry... B-Because... We all know about it. No more secrets for each other. You once told me you had fantasies about me... I-I mean... Why would it be so strange to actually give in to those fantasies...? And why would you hesitate t-to do something y-you already did...?'

'It's awkward, you know. I've got different feelings for you, and their not the same as yours.'

'But you once had, Terry... When we first met, all you wanted was to go to bed with me and I didn't. And... I didn't realize it at the time but... Now it's the other way around.'

'People change, Nic...'

'And yet it still happened when you didn't want to... So... S-So somewhere deep down inside, you still want to... M-Maybe I'm not the one fooling m-myself... Maybe y-you're just... fooling yourself, k-knowing you w-want to.... B-But not want to give in to it... B-Because... You s-still love Ceylan... And... I want you to know that... Th-That I love you too...'

'Nikki... You don't have to have sex with me if you want affection.'

'I just want more then affection, Terry...'

And again, it stayed silent... I just wished he would seduce me again, like the night we first slept together... I felt his hands all over my body while he was whispering in my ear that night... Knowing exactly what it was that I was craving for... And yet... He didn't want to now...'It's late... We should get to bed, Nic...'

Terry looked at me for a moment, and got up from his bed while I let out a deep sigh. He took off his shirt and jeans and went to the bathroom. I could hear he was brushing his teeth... And while he was brushing his teeth, I got undressed myself. I looked at myself in the mirror while I stood there, in my underwear... Vague memories of what Terry and I used to do speeds through my head... And every now and then, I felt a tingle going through my stomach. The moment he got back, I turned around and noticed him in his boxershorts. He looked kinda baffled at me at first, but recovered by quickly looking away... I think he was staring at my ass... 'I eh... I've got some T-shirts for you to wear for the night, if you like...'

'No, that's ok...'

'Oh... Okay...'

And after that, he got in bed. I hesitated for a while and got in bed next to him. I faced his back and I could see in the mirror that he was thinking. So I helped him a little... I cuddled him as I placed my head on his shoulder, caressing the back of his head... Smelling his scent, feeling his torso and his stomach... It sends a tingle through my body... But when scratching the back of his head didn't seemed to work, I rubbed my paws against his... I know he has this paw fetish thing... Just like I do... Well, sort of... 'Ceylan told me it's ok to do it...' I said quietly to him...

'Which is something she told me as well... Just... Why...?'

'You wouldn't understand my reasons, Terry, even if you tried to... You're my friend... And I really love you... I want to give you all of me, because you mean more to me than just a friend... And even though I wouldn't give you myself the way I would give myself to Ceylan, you should know that... Th-That you're pretty damn close to it...'

'Hehehehehe...'

'No really... I-I mean it... See... I don't have a family besides Cody. I-I don't have many friends either but... The friends I do have, mean the world to me... You guys are the only people I can rely on... A-And I want to thank you that you've always been there for me... And I can't tell you how much you mean to me as a friend... Because there aren't enough words for it... Which... Is why I wanted to give you something that was part of me...'

'You're virginity...'

'Yeah...'

'Heh...'

'I can't seem to recall how I felt that night... But... I know it was wonderful... And so... Passionate... And... I just want those feelings back...'

I could see him thinking. I'd probably never know why he doesn't want to. Terry didn't say anything. Meagan didn't say anything. Meagan and Terry weren't playing hard to get... I was starting to think that I was hard to want... How come they weren't responding when I told them I wanted to have sex with them...? Was it really that difficult for them to do...? Or was it such a strange thing I asked them...? I mean... You either say yes or no. That's it. Maybe it's not as easy as I always thought it would be. If a girl I liked asked me to have sex with her, I'd probably say yes. But maybe that's because a girl would only ask that in my fantasies, and I wouldn't do it if something like that actually happened. Maybe that's why it's so easy for me to ask, thinking everything would be exactly like it is in my fantasies. But the truth is, it's not. Fantasies and reality are a world apart, and I learned the hard way by getting denied something I wanted the most. Being intimate with my friends to show them how much I love them. But even if they did, they would never understand my reasons...

It stayed silent as the minutes were passing by. So I took a deep sigh, and turned over on my side, trying to catch some sleep as my back was facing his. While it stayed silent, I could hear Ceylan and Meagan talking in the next room, but I wasn't really listening to it. And after a while, I felt Terry lied down on his other side, while he was holding me close. And he whispered in my ear... 'Why, Nikki...? Just tell me...'

'I-I don't know... I just want to... It's just my way of saying "I love you"...'

'Yeah but... There has to be something? I mean...'

'Heh... Ceylan made me feel so good whenever we were doing it... She tells me that she loves me but... I only realize it whenever we're... Well... Sleeping together... I just feel it in everything she says and does to me. That she really loves me. Those feelings only got stronger... A-And... I just want the same with you...'

'Okay so... Lemme get this straight. You want to have sex with everyone who cares for you...?'

I didn't respond to that... Maybe I was just too ashamed to say it... But I think he already knew the answer when I wasn't giving one... 'So... What happened whenever you're brother said he cared for you...?'

'I-I eh...'

'Please tell me you didn't, Nic...'

'N-No, I-I didn't... C-Cody always helped me getting dressed again wh-whenever I tried t-to...But... B-But that didn't mean that... That I didn't want to...'

'Yeah, but why...?'

'Heh...'

Silence... I never told this to anyone... But like I said... I had to close down a chapter of my life. And I could only do that by saying it... So I took a deep breathe and... I said it... 'I-I saw how my dad treated my mom at night... A-And... Sometimes, it happened on the couch... Or... I-In their bed... I-I often watched how they were doing it... I just didn't understand why they hated Cody and me so much and that they could love each other like that... S-So I figured that... I-If I did the same things my mom did to my dad or... To strangers whenever they were visiting while my dad was working, that... That they would finally love me... S-Sometimes I went in their bedroom... And... I touched my mom between her legs whenever she was asleep... Sometimes I could... hear her sigh and... Sometimes she smiled in her sleep... I rarely saw her smiling... But it felt so good that I could make her happy... A-And I did the same to my dad... Heh... A-And this one time... She woke up when I was touching her... I got smacked out of the room... And... When my dad found out I touched my mom... Heh... I hid in my closet that night... Because... I was terrified to death... I could hear he stormed up the stairs... And... Basically demolished my closet just to get to me... And when he did... He grabbed me by my arms and threw me against the wall... And then he just... Kicked and punched and... Yelled at me... He ripped the clothes off of my body until I was naked on the ground... Then he took his belt off and... Heh... It really hurt... S-So... I-I learned my lesson... But... Maybe... Maybe Cody wanted to... Which is why I asked him... He wouldn't hit me even if I tried to...'

'How old were you when it happened...?'

'I think I was... Twelve years old... I-I don't really remember...'

Terry wouldn't feel sorry for me. Why would he...? I don't expect him to be. But something in his eyes gave away that he was... It stayed silent for a long time as I was just staring into blank space. 'You know, Nikki...'

'Hm...?'

'Ceylan's in the next room... Just go to her if you want to...'

'I-I eh...'

'Hm?'

'N-No... I-I don't think th-that's a good idea... I-I wanna stay with you... Okay...?'

'Okay...'

He looked at me for a long time... And then all of a sudden, he placed his hands on my face while he had this serious expression... Terry wiped a tear out of my face and puts his arms around me, whispering that he loved me... This is all I ever wanted... Just feeling an arm around me, and hearing that someone loves me. That's all I ever wanted... And that's all I ever needed... So you might think why I still wanted to have sex with him and... Meagan... And Ceylan... I wished they had the same. It's still very vague, seeing as Terry and Meagan never gave me a clear answer. But as to the question WHY I wanted to... I don't know. Heh... The damage is already done years ago. Maybe I really am fucked up in the head. Who would know...? I sure didn't. And with so many questions, I never had an answer to that. And once I realized that, I broke down in tears. The moment Terry heard me sobbing quietly, he held me even tighter as he gently kissed my cheeks, telling me it's alright to cry. To let it all out... Which I did... I turned around in his bed and looked at him with soggy eyes as he wiped another tear away. 'Don't let go of me, Terry...'

'I won't...'

I didn't know how long I've been crying in his arms... It took a long time for me to calm down. I was tired of everything. Sometimes I just wished I vanished into thin air. To leave everything behind without looking back. To have peace in my mind. I tried to commit suicide a couple of years back. It was something I never told to anyone. Not even Meagan knows... I tried to cut my wrists but... For some reason, I couldn't do it. I still have the scars but... I'm afraid to die... Not really useful when you're trying to commit suicide... But sometimes I wished I did... But if I did, I wouldn't be here in bed with Terry, while he tried his best to comfort me... If I did, I would've never known him... And then I wouldn't know Ceylan either...

Terry fell asleep not long after that... But I couldn't sleep... I kept on thinking... I just held on to him while he was asleep... And listened to Ceylan and Meagan talking in the other room while I was getting drowsy... I couldn't hear everything, seeing as I started to get sleepier by the minute...

'-while she wasn't...'

'Oh...'

'Nikki told me everything... And just wants you to know that you mean the world to her...'

'Yeah but it's so strange to know that...'

'Why...?'

'I mean, Nikki is one of my best friends... Knowing that she has a crush on me make things more difficult... And now she told me that she wants to sleep with me. I mean, what would she expect from me?'

'Why don't you just ask her...?'

'Ask her? I did ask her... She gave some vague answer I couldn't really make much sense off...'

'So what's stopping you from doing it...?'

'I don't know...'

'I do...'

'What?'

'You're afraid that you might like it...'

'No... I'm not like you or Nikki...'

'What's that supposed to mean...?'

'I didn't mean it like that... I'm not bi-sexual or lesbian...'

'Nikki is a lesbian, but she still lost her virginity to Terry...'

'And you're perfectly fine with this...?'

'With what...?'

'Nikki slept with Terry, with you, and now she wants to sleep with me. Aren't you supposed to be jealous or something...?'

'Were you jealous when you had a threesome with Fabian and you're friend...? Were you jealous when he fucked her brains out...?'

'Well... I didn't want to... But they both did... So... Who was I to deny them...?'

'Exactly...'

'Do you think Fabian had a reason to do it...?'

'What do you mean...?'

'To sleep with her...? That I wasn't good enough for him...?'

Ceylan didn't have an answer to that question... Once it stayed silent, it felt as if I slowly started to wake up again... Listening to them... 'I don't know, Meagan...'

'Heh...'

'But I'm pretty sure you would be great in bed...'

'Really...?'

'Well, I haven't slept with you, so I don't know for sure... Hehehe...'

'Would you...?'

'Would I what...?'

'Would you sleep with me if... If I had a different nature...?'

'No...'

'Oh... Is it because you've got Nikki...?'

'You're just not my type...'

'What's so special about Nikki...?'

'She's sweet... Very caring... She shoves her own things aside to help out others... I love it whenever she smiles... I love taking showers with her... And I love to have sleep with her... She always touches me gently as if I'm very fragile and can break down into thousands of pieces any second... It makes me feel special...'

'Oh...'

'So I treat Nikki the same as she treats me...'

'I see...'

'Hehehe... Nikki and I noticed you were watching us at night sometimes...'

'Uh...'

'Don't deny it... I saw you...'

'I-I'm not, it's just that...'

'That what...?'

'I don't know...'

'You always missed out on the action...'

'Heh...'

'You don't have to be ashamed... Just tell me... Be honest...'

'I-I don't know anymore... You told me so many things about Nikki tonight that I never expected to hear... It's just... Sometimes at night, I hear the two of you and well...'

'Yes...?'

'It just sounds so sweet and... Heh...'

'Does it make you feel lonely...?'

'That too...'

'What else does it do to you...?'

'Well, I uh...'

'Does it turn you on to hear us...?'

It stayed quiet for a long as I tried to focus my ears to catch a glimpse of her answer... But for a long time, I didn't hear it... Silence... But to my surprise, Meagan answered very quietly...

'I guess...'

'I see... You can always join us... Nikki and I talked about it and we really don't mind... So you can always see me or Nic if you feel lonely... Or maybe join us in a threesome... Hihi...'

'I don't really know about that...'

'Why not...? Why would you hesitate to do something you already did...?'

'I'm not sure... But... You make it sound as if it's greatest thing on earth...'

'That's because it is...'

'Heh...'

'Does it surprise you...?'

'Surprise me? What do you mean?'

'Does it surprise you that I love having sex with Nic...?'

'No, not really... You're her lover, so it's not a strange thing to like it...'

'Yes... But here comes the tricky part. Why do think I like it so much...?'

'Because it feels good...?'

'Hmmm... That too... What else do you think...?'

'I honestly don't know...'

'Really...? You don't know...?'

'No...'

'Have you ever looked in the eyes of the person you're sleeping with and know that he or she wants you the most...? That at the very same moment, he or she can only think of you and that you're the only who exists on the planet, even if it's just for a short moment...?'

'No...'

'Hmm... I did... And it feels wonderful... The feeling always came back, ever since the first night I slept with her... That's the reason why I love it so much... Nikki is not an open book... She has a lot of trouble of expressing her feelings... Like you... So the fact that she lets me undress her tells me a lot... And I know what I mean to her...'

'I see...'

'So instead of asking yourself, "Would I do it...?" ask yourself this: "Would I at least consider the idea of doing it, knowing that she wants me...? Would I try to stop something I want for such a long time...? Would I deny myself those wonderful feelings...?" Ask yourself these questions and you'll realize that you, me and Nikki are all the same... The three of us are looking for something... I found it in Nic... And Nic found it in me... And maybe you'll find it in the both of us...'

Ceylan could always manipulate without ever to flinch... Throughout the night, I could hear Meagan's sighing and soft moans... It was the first time I ever heard her busy... And a while later, I noticed it was all quiet... The moment I looked down, I saw I had my hand down my panties... But still... It was really awkward to realize that Ceylan did it with Meagan that night...

In the days following, I still kept thinking about what Ceylan said to Meagan. What'd she do to Meagan that I couldn't...? Maybe it's just something I'm not capable of. Still... It kept me busy. And every time I remembered it, I always felt aroused... It only aroused me more whenever I think of what might've happened if I went inside Terry's parents' bedroom that night to see it. What if...? I could only speculate on what might've happened. But those speculations felt great. And the more I thought about it. Well... The more aroused I began to feel. And started doing something I haven't done in quite a long time...

It just happened one evening when I was taking a shower. All day long, the thought that Ceylan touched Meagan in funny places kept me busy. Not to mention what Terry and I once did. And then there was of course Josephine... Everything just speeds by like an adrenaline rush, imagining the things I wanted. I sat down in the bathtub, while the hot water was running over my body. I closed my eyes, lift my head up and let the water run down my face while I was thinking. So... What is it that I want from them...? All of a sudden, it struck me...

I want Josephine and Ceylan to take good care of me. Holding me, reassuring everything would be alright, making me feel safe about everything that I do, holding my hand with every step I take, like how a mother would protect her kids from any harm that might happen to them. Ceylan and Josephine would show the affection I want, giving me the attention that I deserved after so many years spending my life in darkness. Just the three of us, cuddling naked, protecting me from any harm. Making me feel safe, warm and cosy... Touching me in every way imaginable to show their love to me, being passionate about every thing they say and do... Even the tiniest gesture would make me love them more then I already did...

Heh... Meagan... Being in control of her. That she's the one depending on me. That I'm her only friend. That everyone else in the world hates her, and she would come to me. Like she always did. I would take her vulnerability away, and show her the true meaning of love. To make her feel everything I wanted her to feel, and how she made me feel whenever I was thinking about her at night. He got taken away from her, and even though I'll never be able to give back what got taken from her, I know one day I will fill up an empty void in her heart. Slowly but steady, she realizes this and knows that one day, she'll be happy again with someone she loves dearly. I don't know if that someone would be me, but if I'm not, she knows that I care for her and that all these years we were together as friends hasn't been for nothing. I'll keep myself in the shadows when that day arrives... Watching over her, waiting...

Oh Terry... How come a guy like you sacrificed something that meant everything to you...? You gave me something I wanted the most. You opened my eyes, even though I caused you a lot of grieve and sorrow for making you sacrifice something you swore you wouldn't give up. But you did. You cared so much for my happiness that you gave up your own. I trust everyone, Terry, but I trust you the most. Thank you for making me experience the things I thought I never would. I wouldn't know what else to say... My love for you has no boundaries, and I can never give you something of myself that's worthy of you're sacrifice. Whatever I have to offer, it will never get anywhere near it. And I'm sorry I can't give you more. Which is why I'll give myself to you in any way imaginable. I'll be here for you when you need me... I always will...

Yeah, yeah, I know... Sounds kinda corny but... This is exactly what they mean to me. I could feel them whenever I had my eyes open. But I could see and feel them whenever my eyes were closed. So what I did was... I took the showerhead. Twisted the showerhead, separated it from the shower hose. Positioned the hose between my legs, feeling the hot water streaming down over my vagina... Every now and then, I placed my thumb over the opening of the hose so that the water came out under pressure. Speculations never felt so good...

The Tuesday following, I went to see Josephine again. I told her everything that happened. I told her that Ceylan and I were getting back together, and that we wanted to try it again. But that didn't meant I was feeling good. I still had a couple of things on my mind. Mainly the things I experienced in the past. And before I knew it, the tears were rolling down my cheeks again...

Ceylan and I started seeing each other again ever since Terry's birthday party. A couple of weeks can make all the differences there is. But she changed... Everyone changed again, including me... It's unpredictable, you can't foresee it. But maybe that was something for the best. Ceylan and I haven't been intimate with each other since we were together again but... Hopefully, that'll change soon...

See, the thing is, I wanted to. I tried to make her do the things I wanted, what I liked. I wished she would go down on me again, like she used to but... Well, she didn't. She didn't even touch me in the way I wanted to. We didn't talk about it though. I just hoped that she would do it again one night. But no matter how hard I tried, she just didn't. I started to get crazy, really. She spends almost every weekend at my place, but nothing ever happened. And whenever I tried to touch her, she removed my hand while she rarely dressed herself for bed. So why was she doing this...? Why the hell did she had to tease me like that...? Why'd she do it to Meagan, and... Not me...? I always kept on thinking that one day, everything is gonna be the way things were. But so far, our sex life isn't what it used to be...