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Before I knew it, it was Friday again. Terry had his birthday party that Friday night. He became 23 years old. Already got him a present and I'm sure he'd like that... I talked to him the night before, and he said that Ceylan would be there too. So I was really thrilled that she'd be there, and I was hoping that I get to talk to her... So I quickly took a shower and got dressed pretty quick and I told Meagan that I was ready to go. But she just frowned at me... 'What? What's wrong?' I asked her.

'You can't be serious...'

'What?'

'You're not going like that, are you?'

'What, what's wrong with the way I'm dressed?'

Before she answered my question, Meagan dragged me to my room, and opened my wardrobe. I get the feeling she did this because Ceylan was gonna be there as well, as if she wanted to hook me up with her again and set everything right. Hehe... Still... She snuffles through my wardrobe, and got a few things out. A skirt that I haven't worn in quite a long time, some spaghetti top and black high heels... Where the hell did she get that...? I don't remember owning high heels... She also got a couple of pants and another skirt, and a couple of tops. 'Try this on...' she said. It's kinda awkward to stand there. I mean... I always had this huge crush on her, but ever since I met Ceylan, that feeling became lesser... I still had other feelings though... I still fantasized about her sometimes... I'd really wanted to be intimate with her... Always wanted to... And that'll probably never change... But I wouldn't want to call it a "quick fuck" or anything... It sounds ordinary and sleazy... And I'm not like that... Passion is the only reason for me to have sex... Nothing else... It's passionate in my fantasies. Well, except when I'm in heat maybe, but... That's a whole different story. As I was staring at Meagan, she started to get impatient. So she unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down. The moment I snapped out of it, I looked down and noticed that Meagan was crouching. And I had this really aroused feeling once I saw that... Maybe it was because she was so close... Nonetheless, she got up again and I took my top off... "Remember what Josephine told you..." "Talk about it..."

'You've got a lot of tights, Nic.'

'Huh? Oh, yeah.'

'Put those on with that beige skirt.'

So I did. A beige skirt just above my knees, with black tights... The moment I looked at myself in the mirror made me blush... I thought that it made me look somewhat sexy... Meagan handed me a baby blue top and a white jacket, and once I got dressed, she looked at me with a smile. When I looked back in the mirror, I noticed I was blushing again...

Once I got dressed, we sat down on my bed while she was doing my hair. But those thoughts kept running through my head as Meagan kept on blabbering about all sorts of things. I wasn't really listening. All I could think of was on how to bring it to her. It's something that kept me busy for years. How was I gonna tell her that I wanted to have sex with her...? Exactly... I let out a sigh once Meagan started to do my hair while I was thinking how to bring it to her. But then I thought of the time when I told her I was in love with her... Remembering how that went... Well... Maybe it was best not to tell her... But still... It got me wondering, even though I already knew the answer to that question... 'Can I ask you something personal...?'

'That depends...'

'Were you and Fabian ever been that... Intimate? Like... Ceylan and I have been...?'

'Oh... Well... In the six years I've been with him. We did it a lot... Like... Almost every day.'

'Really...?'

'Yeah... I mean... I wanted to... But... I can honestly say I wasn't comfortable with it. Well...

'Then why'd you do it if you weren't feeling comfortable with it...?'

'It's difficult...'

'Yeah...'

'Heh...'

'So how was it...?'

'Hm?'

'How was it whenever you were doing it with him...?'

'To be honest. I couldn't really enjoy it... But I pretended to... For him... It's just... I'd rather not talk about it...'

'I see...'

It stayed silent for a while as she continued to brush my hair. "Come on... Say it...." Should I...? Maybe... I didn't want to risk the possibility that everything would start all over again... But it's all I could think of that evening... I chose my words carefully... 'Would it be a strange thing if I said that...'

'Hm?'

'That I want to...?'

'Want what...?'

'T-To be intimate with you...?'

'Uh...'

'Would you let me...?'

'What...?'

'You don't have to answer me if you don't want to... But... I just wanted to let you know that I've always had a crush on you ever since we were teens...'

'I know that...'

'Yeah... You know that...'

"And yet you never did anything to answer my love..."

'Josephine told me I shouldn't bottle up those feelings... Which is why I'm telling you now... I want to go to bed with you... To... T-To make you feel the things you make me feel whenever I think about you at night...'

'Why...?'

"Ha... "Why" she asked... Because you're fucking hot, that's why..."

'It's because I feel it's the only way to let you know of how much you mean to me as a friend...'

'What about Ceylan...?'

'Ceylan... Heh... I still love her if that's what you mean... But... It's different with her...'

'You just want to... have a quickie with me...'

'Well, I wouldn't put it that way but... To be honest... I did something like that before...'

'You did...? With whom?'

'Terry...'

'You slept with Terry...?'

'Yeah... A long time ago.'

'Whoa... Seriously?'

'Yeah... And well... I sorta liked it.'

'So how'd it happened...?'

'It started innocently at first... And well... At some point... We did it...'

'Like... All the way?'

'Hmm-mm...'

'But why...?'

'I-I don't know... It's just... I just wanted to... And... It just happened...'

'But doesn't it feel strange to do such a thing? I mean...'

'It did at first... But... I started to like it.'

'How many times did it happened...?'

'Two times... I-In a single night...'

'Whoa... Was it you're first time, or...'

'Yeah...'

'Oh...'

'You look surprised...'

'I never expected to hear that from you... You never talk about these sort of things and then... All of a sudden... Heh...'

'I normally don't... But... I just wanted to let you know that... Th-That I want to sleep with you as well... A-And... You don't have to say anything... I understand...'

I could see the look in her eyes and realized that she'd never understand. No matter how I tried to bring it, she would never understand why I wanted to. Which is probably the reason why she never answered my question. She looks a bit freaked out to say the least, but she tried not to show it. She didn't gave an answer, but she wasn't denying it either. Meagan just pretended as if she didn't hear anything and continued to brush my hair as it stayed silent... Now I feel embarrassed... Making an ass of myself once again... After that, she barely talked to me. And whenever she did, she seemed to be a bit nervous...

Terry's house was only a couple of blocks away from mine, so we walked. On the way, we didn't say much. I think she's comfortable with the idea that I'm a lesbian, but that she isn't comfortable with the idea that I was in love with her, and now with the idea that I wanted to have sex with her. I honestly can't imagine why she wouldn't be comfortable with the idea. I know what happened to her when she was a child, but... How come she doesn't see that this is different...? We know each other for more then 15 years now... I mean... Why won't she do it...? She just doesn't understand... Or maybe I'm just the one who doesn't understand...

The moment we got to his house, Meagan ringed the doorbell. A few moments later, the door got answered by Terry. Then Meagan changed... She acted so happy all of a sudden while she was silent a couple of minutes ago... And I just didn't get it... 'Hey! You guys made it!' Terry said cheerfully...

'Happy birthday!' Meagan said to Terry... And I just stood there, a wee bit nervous...

'Thanks! I was starting to think that you guys weren't coming!'

'Well, Nikki held us up.'

'Hehehe...'

What'd she meant with that? And why the hell did she sounded so sarcastic when she said my name...? 'I didn't really know what to get you, so... Here you go...' Meagan said to Terry with a smile... She handed the birthday card over to Terry, and when he opened it, there was a twenty dinar bill inside. Terry smiled and thanked her as he hugged Meagan and I was just standing there in the hallway. Meagan continues to walk through as I stood in there with Terry.

'Hey, babe!'

'Happy birthday, Terry...'

'Thanks! Come on in, you know the drill. Drinks are over there, snacks are over there.'

'Okay but first... I got something for you.'

'You did?'

'Yeah! But you'll have to sit down before you open it.'

'Really? Is it that good?'

'Might be even better once you see what it is...'

I saw that his fingers were itching to snatch the present out of my hands, but he didn't. I think it's because he considered it to be rude when you do. Nonetheless, we got inside where I saw people having a good time, talking to each other and laughing. I didn't know these people. I recognized Jarod and his girlfriend Sarudja, who are friends of Terry as well. Meagan was already talking to them, and while I was looking around, I couldn't see Ceylan. Maybe she wasn't coming after all... I know that Terry and Ceylan weren't seeing each other often but... I'd thought she'd be here... Or maybe she's not here because of me...

Terry sat down on the couch to have a drink, and I sat next to him. I pulled out my present from the plastic bag I carried and handed it to him while I was smiling. 'I got you a little something...'

'Aww, thanks, dude!' And after I handed it to Terry, I looked at him with a smile... 'It's something you were looking for. It'll be a nice addition to your scale model collection...'

'What is it?'

'Come on, open it!'

So Terry unwrapped it carefully. The moment he first looked at the package, I saw his baffled look and how his eyes widened. He removes the gift-wrap and stared at the box with wide eyes... I couldn't resist smiling after witnessing that... 'No...'

'Yes!'

'Noooooo! Dude!! The McLaren F1 LM!!

'Yup!'

'And it's the XP1 prototype!'

'It is!'

"UT-Models..." McLaren scale models are rare. Especially the UT-Models ones...

'I know, which is why I thought it would be a nice addition to your collection... But I don't know what makes them so special.'

'McLaren's aren't being made anymore because of a copyright thing.'

'Oh?'

'Yeah. BMW used to provide the engines for the McLaren F1. But after the production of the F1 stopped, McLaren ended the contract with BMW and went in business with Mercedes-Benz instead. And well, BMW doesn't want to license it. Look, you can still see it on the engine.'

"BMW M power..."

'Damn right! Wouldn't be right if it said Mercedes-Benz M power or something... Just doesn't sound right...'

'Hehehehe...'

He placed the package on the table and gave me a big firm hug. Big smooches on my cheeks and another firm hug... It felt as if my eyeballs were about to pop from their sockets, but still, it felt nice to get hugged by him... Always has been... And then he kept staring at the box of the McLaren...

'Thanks, babe...'

'You like it...?'

'Like it? It's amazing... I got the 200 miles an hour LEGEND here as a scale model! Only five of these were made in real life... And just one XP1 prototype... Would look great next to the Enzo and the Reventón...'

'You got the Lamborghini Reventón?'

'Chya...' he said with a grin...

'Whoa... Where'd you get it?'

'Through an auction at some convention. Hehehe... But... You have to tell me...'

'What?'

'Where'd you get this?'

'Oh well... You know that model shop on the corner of Sering Avenue?'

'Callahan's?'

'Hmm-mm... Where they sell those slot racing cars, models and stuff'

'Yeah, I know that shop. But I never saw a McLaren before.'

'I didn't either, but they had an auction there. The car itself is pretty rare...'

'How much was the starting bid, if you don't mind me asking?'

'Hehehehe... Well... It started at 250 dinar.'

'What?!! Are you insane?!'

'I might be...'

'No, dude. No. It's way, way too expensive. You're getting every penny back.'

'No, it's ok. I want you to have it. I know you've been looking for one for a long time. Just take it... And put it next to the Reventón.'

'You sure, Nic...?'

'Hmm-mm.'

Terry looks at me for a moment while he had a huge smile on his face while I just smiled back at him...

'Wow... This just... Oh wow...'

Then all of a sudden, he gave a big firm hug again. I loved it... And when I looked back at him, he has this huge smile on his face... I never get tired to see that smile... The McLaren did cost a lot though. Starting bid was 250 dinar. I took it home with me for 525 dinar. But Terry didn't have to know that...

At while later, someone new was walking in after someone else opened the door. I couldn't get a good look on him, but he looked kinda familiar... Terry got up and went to him. Then I saw it was that leopard guy I've seen before... They greeted each other by with a big firm hug, and after that, Terry and that leopard guy walked towards me. We both looked a bit baffled at each other at first while Terry didn't know we've seen each other before... 'Nikki, I'd like you to meet a very good friend of mine. Nicole, this is Blain, Blain, Nicole.'

'Uh... Hi...'

'Hey...'

'I've seen you before, haven't I?'

'You two know each other? Terry asked surprised...

'Sort of... I saw you at the-'

'Park!'

'Well n-'

'Yes! I sat on a bench and you sat next to me and offered me a smoke! ... Remember?'

He didn't get the hint at first... I didn't want Terry to know that I was visiting a social worker... The way that Blain looked at me was as if he got the hint... 'Oh yeah...'

'Okaaaaaay sooo... I'm gonna get a drink. Blain?'

'A beer for me, please.'

'Nikki?'

'No thanks, I'm fine.'

'Aight, be right back.'

And so, Terry walked off as I sat there with that leopard g- I mean Blain... Leopard guy has a name now... He lights up a cigarette and kept staring at me... 'Heh, it's a small world.'

'Yeah...'

It stayed silent for a long time until Terry finally got back with drinks. He handed a glass of... Stuff to me.

'Here!'

'What is that?'

'Vodka with Red Bull. A caffeine junkie like you will love it.'

'Hehe...'

Vodka... With Red Bull... I never actually drank vodka before... I do enjoy a glass of red wine occasionally but... I might get drunk from this stuff... Then again, it's just one glass... So I took the drink and sniffed it. I could smell the taurine and caffeine from the Red Bull, and the alcohol of the vodka. Hmm...

'You're supposed to drink it, not sniff it.'

'I'm not much of a drinker, Terry...'

'That's ok, no one expects you to be.'

So I took a sip from it... Wasn't that bad...

'Alright, Blain, listen up.'

'Sup?'

'This dude here... Totally knows everything about Lamborghini. And she's gonna set the record straight.'

'She does?'

'Well... I wouldn't say everything but I got this thing for Lamborghini.'

'Nic, I was wondering if you could clarify something for us.'

'Sure, what's up?'

'Blain and I got this argument whether the Gallardo can take on the CCX.'

'Oh? The Koeningsegg?'

'Blain says that the Lamborghini Gallardo can take on the Koeningsegg CCX, by having a 6.1 litre V12 engine with 640 break horse power.'

'That doesn't sound like a Gallardo... The Gallardo is no match for the Koeningsegg.'

'That's what I've said to him but... Blain won't believe me.'

'You're probably talking about the Murcielago LP-640.'

'Well...'

'You and I both know that the Murcielago LP-640 doesn't stand a chance against the CCX on the racetrack.'

'Well yeah, that's true, Terry, but... A 6.1 V12 engine...? That definitely sounds like the Murcielago LP-640. The Gallardo has a 5.1 V10 engine. It's Lamborghini's answer to the Ferrari F430 and the Porsche 911 GT3. Not the Koenigsegg... The Reventón is Lamborghini's answer to the Koeningsegg, the Maserati MC12, the Ferrari Enzo and perhaps even the Bugatti Veyron...'

'Does the Gallardo LP560-4 version have a V12 engine?'

'Nope. All Gallardo's have a V10 engine, except the LP560-4 which has a 5.2 litre V10 engine based on the Audi S8.'

'Audi?'

'Yup... Seeing as Audi owns Lamborghini since 1998.'

'Go on, ask her about the LP560-4.'

'Ah... So what about the LP560-4...?'

'What about it?'

'Tell me what you know.'

'Well... The LP560-4 is based on the Lamborghini Reventón, which in turn, is inspired by the F-22 Raptor fighter jet, carrying more break horse power, and faster acceleration than the normal Gallardo due to the horsepower weight ratio. Several types were made in the Gallardo series. The Gallardo SE, Gallardo Spyder, and the Gallardo Superleggera.'

'Did Bertone designed them?'

'No, Bertone only designed the Countach and the Lamborghini Miura.'

'Ok, so who designed the Diablo and the Reventón then?'

'Centro Stile designed the Reventón. And Marcello Gandini designed the Diablo, who used to work for Bertone. But he left the company in 1980, which is why Bertone could've never have designed the Gallardo.'

'So who did the Gallardo and the Murcielago?'

'Luc Donckerwolke designed the Murcielago, Murcielago Roadster and the Gallardo series.'

'Dayumn...'

'I told you, this dudette knows everything about Lamborghini.'

'Pfft... I don't know shit about Lamborghini...'

'Then what's you're favourite?'

'Ferrari...'

'The everlasting rival of Lamborghini...'

'Yup...'

'She shouldn't like you for being a Ferrari fanboy, Blain...'

'Why wouldn't she?'

'Enzo Ferrari insulted Ferrucio Lamborghini.'

'Well, that's not really true...' I said quietly...

'What?'

'Ferrucio Lamborghini insulted him first... Well... Wasn't really an insult, more of a suggestion to improve Ferrari's and well... Mister Ferrari didn't take it so kindly...'

'Oh?'

'Yeah, it's quite ironic, really, because if Ferrari didn't insulted Lamborghini, Lamborghini would've never existed in the super car world.'

'You got me curious.'

'Wanna hear the story?'

'Oh dear God, here it comes... If I get a penny for every time I heard that story...' Terry said...

'Hehehe... Well, Blain wants to hear it. Anyway, Ferrucio Lamborghini owned a humble tractor factory back in the days.'

'A tractor factory?!' Terry exclaimed sarcastically...

'What!? Are you shitting me?! Lamborghini started out as a tractor factory?!' Blain exclaimed as well...

'I shit you not...'

'Damn...'

'Anyway, Ferrucio Lamborghini owned 3 Ferrari's. Among them, was a 250 GTO in which he experienced clutch trouble. So he went to mister Ferrari to complain and mister Ferrari basically said that a tractor manufacturer wasn't qualified to criticize a Ferrari.'

'That's pretty harsh.'

'Yeah. Anyway, Lamborghini fixed the clutch of his 250 GTO, and discovered that some of the clutch components were the same as the ones he used on his tractors.'

'Ouch...'

'So Lamborghini started to make his own cars which were far more superior to the Ferrari's at that time.'

'Wow...'

'Hehehehe...'

'A tractor manufacturer... Who'd have known?'

'Well I did.'

'That's because Nicole told you.'

'Yeah...'

'You seem to know a lot about cars, Nicole.'

'Hehehe... Well...'

'No, really, you do. So... What's you're favourite classic?'

'Lamborghini Miura.'

'Favourite mid-engine car?'

'Lamborghini Miura.'

'Favourite rear-wheel drive?'

'Lamborghini Miura.'

'Favourite non-Lamborghini car?'

'Hmm... Good one... I'd say the... Italdesign Cala.'

'Ital what? Never heard of it.'

'Prototype of a potential new Lamborghini model but never went into production. Wasn't made by Lamborghini, but by Italdesign Giugiaro.'

'Figures, hehehe...'

'Can't help it. I'm a Lamborghini freak... But... My favourite non-Lamborghini car would the... Aston Martin DBS.'

'Niiiiice... You got good taste. I like you.'

'Hehehe... I watched Casino Royale just because the DBS deputed in the film. Everyone gasped when the car got totalled.'

We talked about cars for a while with the three of us. At some point, Blain went to see other people he seemed to know, and I asked Terry if Ceylan was still coming. I haven't seen her yet... He told me that she would be here, but that he hasn't heard from her. Then finally, at around 10 o'clock, she finally came after all... The moment I saw her coming out of the hallway, she was being hugged, kissed and greeted by so many people. Terry walked up to her, and gave her a big firm hug and I could see how she had this beautiful big smile on her face the moment she hugged Terry... And she looks so different... She cut her long black hair. It's all short and spiky now... And even though I wanted to go to her, I didn't... I stayed seated and watched her from a distance. I don't think she noticed me... Or maybe she's just ignoring me... I wouldn't know. Fact is, she talked to other people she knew all the time while Terry mingled with his friends. Meagan did the same. And I just sat there on the couch, watching how others were having a good time. The longer I did that, the more miserable I began to feel again. They make everything look so easy. And I felt left out because of it. And all I wanted was to go home... To tug myself in bed, dreaming of things I knew I would never have. And after a couple of hours went by like that... I got up and made my way to the hallway... But when I turned around, I could see that Ceylan was outside, smoking a cigarette. Since when is she smoking anyway...? I could see her back while she was leaning against the railing, which separated the garden from the lower grounds. I hesitated for a moment but... It felt as if my feet moved by themselves. All I could do was to keep her in sight while I was walking. And then all of a sudden... I saw some guy walking towards her. It was too dark to see but... They were talking... And I could see how she was smiling at him as she handed him something. All the guts I've been trying to build up were lost quickly because of that... They talked for a while. And then he gives something back... Probably his phone-number or something... The moment I looked again, I noticed the guy walking away with a smile on his face while she watched how he left. And then she stared at the beach scenery again in the distance... I stood there, for like... At least 15 minutes hesitating on what to do... Go to her, or not? She just stands there... And I remembered what Meagan said to me... So... I took a deep breathe... And walked towards her...

'Hi...' I said quietly... She looked up and turned her head. And the moment she noticed me, she had that beautiful smile again... She brisked up all of a sudden the moment she heard my voice... And I could see it in her eyes... Her beautiful eyes...

'Hey, Nikki...'

'H-How you doing...?'

'I'm fine... How about you?'

'I'm doing ok.'

'That's good to hear...'

'Heh... Since when do you smoke?'

'Since when do you wear high heels?'

'True... Hehehe...'

'I only smoke at parties and stuff so...'

'I only wear high heels at parties...'

'I never saw you as a girly-girl before...'

'Hehehe...'

Ceylan and I were both leaning over the railing and watched the sunset together... It was so beautiful to see... The sun was all dark orange where the sky touched the water while the clouds gave this orange illumination caused by the sun... The light blue sky was touched by those clouds, and slowly turned orange itself... The further you looked, the darker it became... And it was so beautiful to see... And then... I felt that she reached out for my hand... I felt how her fingers were gently caressing the palm of my hand... I closed my eyes for a moment... But then I gently squeezed her hand... And the moment I looked back at her, she kept staring at the sunset, while she had a little smile on her face. 'You look wonderful tonight, Nikki...'

'Thanks... I love what you did with your hair...'

'Hehe... Got bored of long hair so...'

'Yeah...'

'Heh...'

'So...'

'Sooooooo...'

'A-Are you accompanied b-by someone t-tonight...?'

'Well, no... Why is that?'

'Well... I-I saw you with this... Guy just now and... I thought t-that-'

'Nikki, I don't even know him. He just asked for a light. That's all...'

'Oh! Heh... I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound-'

'Its okay...'

'Can I talk to you, Ceylan...?'

'Yeah, sure, what's up?'

'No... I mean... Just the two of us...? Alone...?'

'Of course...'

Ceylan looked at me, and continued to smile on from that moment on. I felt she reached out for my hand and... I took hers... And so, we walked through the small crowd until we found Terry. Ceylan told him we had to talk for a moment, and all Terry did was nodding as he had a weak smile on his face... He nodded to us to go and talk... So we walked off the small stairs in the back-garden and got out...

We followed a path that led us to the beach. So we took our shoes off and walked on the sand as I felt a soft summer breeze going over us while we were holding each others hands. I walked with my head down, thinking of what I was gonna say to her. For a long time, I've prepared a whole speech to tell her everything, but now... There wasn't a single word I could remember... Every now and then, the silence was broken by a small conversation and after a while, we reached the lagoon. It's very beautiful.... The pearl white sand and the crystal clear water are reflected by the sunset... The palm trees gently waving in the soft summer breeze... I looked around and I was wondering why I've never been here before. I knew it was here all along, but I never got here... The moment I looked back at Ceylan, I noticed she sat down and had her paws in the water. So I sat next to her and did the same while I kept staring at her paws... Because... Heh... Her paws are so sexy... 'You've never been here before, haven't you, Nic?'

'Hm? Oh, no I haven't... And I just realized what I've been missing all this time.'

'Heh... Yeah... Terry and I used to be here a lot when we were still together...'

'Doing what?'

Then she had this... Weak innocent smile on her face... Figures... 'Heh... I get it...'

'But... You know... I can honestly say that... He's a great guy... He's really sweet... And... Well... A great shag too... Hehe...'

'You miss Terry, don't you...? I mean... Having him as a boyfriend...?'

'Sometimes... Yeah... I guess we both changed a lot after we broke up... And well... Sometimes I just miss those nights we had, you know...? He was so different when I first met him... But I saw him changing... And that's when I fell in love with him... Heh... Who knew a one night stand could turn into a passionate relationship...?'

'I-It started out as a one night stand...?

'Hmm-mm...'

'O-Oh...'

'I'm not like that anymore, dushi...'

'I-I see... So... Why'd you ever broke up with him...?'

'Because... It's because I wanted something that he could've never provided me, you know...?' 'You're talking about girls...?'

'Hmm-mm...'

'But... You could always have a... A-A threesome if its something you really want...'

'Nikki... Believe it or not but... It's not about the sex. Really, I'm not like that... At least, not anymore... It's not what I want nor need. I just want to settle with one relationship at a time. And... I used to think way different about sex but... I want things to be serious and not some puppy love where you get dumped after 3 weeks...'

'Then how come you still slept with him when Terry didn't know about our relationship back then...? I mean... You and I were... Well... You know...'

Then she closed her eyes for a moment. And after a while, I heard her sigh and the way she said everything sounded as if she was nervous. 'I'd be honest with you, Nic... I still slept with him after we broke up... But you're right... It's a hypocrite thing to have said I want to settle down with just one relationship and did the opposite... But... You have to understand that it's difficult for me to... "choose"... I love Terry just as much as I love you... And... The reason I still did it with him... Is because... I wanted to keep those feelings. But over the months. I realized it's not fair towards you... And maybe it's not fair towards myself either... And definitely not fair towards Terry... The feelings I had never came back whenever I slept with him... Terry didn't want to... But deep down inside, I know he still wants to... And I still love him... I really do... But something is missing and I don't know what... But I guess it's definitely over now... Terry and I are still friends... But... Things won't ever be the way they were...'

'Oh...'

'And it's something I don't want to happen with us, Nic... If we... If we keep refraining ourselves from talking to each other, and pretend as if nothing ever happened, things will inevitably go downhill... And I don't want that to happen... All I want is the truth... About everything we do and say to each other, you know...? And well... I hope you understand... And I hope you want to start all over again with me. Heh... I just wanted to let you know that... That I really miss you...

'I miss you too...'

Then it got me thinking again... Would it be the right time to tell her...? 'I eh...'

'Hm...?'

'I want you to know something as well, Ceylan...'

'Go on...'

'I do want to start all over again.... But...'

'But?'

'I just... You know... Things went just too fast for me back then, you know? I never had a relationship before I met you and well... We kissed... And... All of a sudden, we were... You know... That very same night....'

'I thought you liked it...'

'I did... But...... I-I'm just not sure about things, you know...?'

'About what...?'

'I noticed that... It doesn't matter where we go...'

'What do you mean?'

'It doesn't matter if we go to the beach... Or... The park or... Doing something as simple as shopping. I mean... Whenever we're cuddling in public... Or... Holding hands when we're walking on the beach... Or... Make out in the park... Some people always stare at us... As if we're a bunch of freaks... And... I-It's not that I'm ashamed, b-but-'

And at that moment, Ceylan looked at me and she took my hand... 'Nikki... It doesn't matter if a guy likes a girl, or a guy likes another guy, or if a girl likes another girl. The only thing that matters, is the love they share for each other. No matter what others think. You shouldn't let others bring you down. Because... They don't see what I feel for you, and what you feel for me. So... You shouldn't blame everyone else, Nikki. They only see what they want to see. Just a bunch of faggots and dykes making out... But it goes deeper then that... People make mistakes... And... Sometimes... They don't realize they make mistakes... But we both know that we weren't the ones who made mistakes in the end... As long as you keep that in mind, you'll be fine, dushi... Trust me...'

She stared at her paws in the water, while having a serious look on her face. It's a rare thing to see her like that, but whenever she was, I couldn't help but to think what was really on her mind. She just told me what she wanted me to know, and couldn't have been more honest, yet I get the feeling that there's more to it... As if she's not saying everything she wants to tell me. And I started to think as well...

I remembered the stories she told me about him when they were still together and the look she had whenever she was telling one. I just saw it in her eyes, which made me question things about myself... And I wanted her to know... Ceylan has been honest to me... So why shouldn't I tell her the truth as well...? I tried to bring it up, but every time I tried to, I couldn't say it. But... After a while... I could finally utter it out of my mouth... 'I-I slept with T-Terry as well....'

'Heh...'

'A-And... I-I didn't mean to b-but-'

'It's ok, Nikki... Terry told me about it...'

'Wh-What...?'

'Yeah...'

'O-Oh...'

'He told me the day after we broke up...'

'Heh...'

'So... How'd it happen...?'

'H-He didn't tell you that...?'

'No... He didn't really go into detail...'

'O-Oh well... I eh...'

'Hm...?'

'Heh... I was in heat that night...'

Ceylan just stared at her own paws again in the water... She knew all this time I slept with Terry and yet she still wanted to be with me. Why is that? I never could figure out why she still wanted to that night... 'Ceylan...? Are you mad at me...?'

'No, of course not... I just never expected to hear that from you...'

'Heh... See... I talked to Josephine about it... About the night I slept with Terry... She's my social worker...'

'Oh...'

'Yeah... And... I have feelings for him. But their different feelings compared to what I feel for you.

'Go on...'

'Sometimes, I want more then just friendship. Sometimes I consider him more then a friend, but Terry's not my boyfriend, I'm not in love with him, but sometimes I get the feeling I am. I love him as a friend and I have feelings for him as well, except... These feelings are really confusing me. And I guess that's just one of those things bothering me... I'm attracted to him in a different way. And... I want him to be my "mate." Well... Just to put it like that. Josephine told me it's up for me to decide whether or not I should do it... And... I-I know you still love Terry... And Terry misses you as well... B-But... I realized that... You and I both weren't giving in to those feelings. Which is probably the reason why everything went downhill. I-I mean... You and I refrained from Terry because of it... And... Eventually from each other...'

'So... You just want to have sex with Terry...?'

Heh... Talk about a way to make a long story short... I wanted to but... It just sounds so awkward for some reason whenever that was being said... But yeah, that's what I wanted... 'Yes...' I whispered... 'B-Because... Th-The night I-I lost my virginity... He... H-He just...'

'Yeah, I know what you mean...'

'Heh... And... Well... Meagan... You know what I said I about her... And I told her... But... She's just... I-I don't know. She never answered me... And... That's all I wanted to say. I couldn't have been more honest just then...'

I expected a lot... I expected her to freak out at me or something or... Run away or whatever. But she kept calm nonetheless while she kept staring at her paws in the water... Why isn't she saying anything...? I think I just blew my chance with her by telling the truth... I let out a deep sigh while I couldn't face her... And then all of a sudden, she said something really unexpected... 'I'll talk to Terry and Meagan...'

'Wh-What...? You would...?'

'Yeah...'

'Why is that...?'

'They both mean a lot to me as well... But... It's complicated...'

'What makes you so sure that it would work...?'

'Trust me... You'll see...'

'Heh... I don't want to give them the impression that... That their just... You know...?'

'Yeah... I know... Don't worry.'

'Would you let me if it really was gonna happen...?'

'Well... I want you to be happy... And... If that means I have to share you with Terry... Then yes...'

'O-Okay... So... What are we gonna do...?'

'We can start all over if you want to... But... We keep our relationship sort of open. Because... You and I both want Terry and Meagan...'

'Okay... There's just... A couple of things I'd like to know before... Well, before we do this...'

'What's that...?'

'W-Would it be strange to... T-To have sex with a guy even though my nature is d-different...? D-Does that make me bi-sexual, like you...?'

'Well... No... Some lesbian girls have sex with guys as well. Having sex doesn't determine you're sexuality... You either like it or you don't... Some guys like to take it up the ass, but that doesn't mean that their gay or something. And it's the same with Meagan. She doesn't have to be a lesbian or bi-sexual to have sex with us. You just... Have to spark her curiosity, and make it interesting for her to try it out...'

'I don't know how to do that...'

'Which is why I'll talk to her. Don't worry...'

'But... I just want things to go slow... No need to rush things...'

'We'll take all the time we need...'

'So what about us...?'

'What do you mean?'

'If... I-If the two of us... B-Both want to do this... Wh-What does that make us...?'

'We just are what we are, Nikki...'

'What do you mean...?'

'We're just two girls who happen to be in love with each other...'

'Heh... So... D-Does that mean we're...?'

'C'mere, dushi...'

She moved her head closer towards mine... And I felt how my lips touched hers. It all went automatically. She knows... I felt how her tongue was gently touching mine. Making out with her never felt like this before. It's been a while since we made out... But it felt as if I was kissing her for the very first time again... Maybe that's what love should all be about. Experiencing every feeling over and over again as if it's the first time... But again, that nervous feeling slowly started to crawl up my throat again...

We made out for a while... And then we noticed the time. We had to get back to the party. Once we got back, Ceylan said she was gonna talk to Terry about everything and she would bring up the subject... We would finally be truly honest against Terry and Meagan... And so, before she walked off with Terry to talk somewhere alone, she looked at me and winked while she had a smile on her face. So I was alone again, while I didn't see Meagan... I sat there for a while until Blain sat next to me again. And we started to talk about cars... Before I knew it, it was three AM...

Once Terry and Ceylan came back, it seemed as if something changed. The three of us were sitting together, talking, and it really felt like old times again. Even when the party was over, and all the guests left, Meagan joined us and the four of us were still talking and laughing about the stories we were telling each other. But we started to get tired... My apartment is only a couple of blocks away, but... Terry offered us to stay for the night. His parents wouldn't be home until tomorrow afternoon, so we could stay for the night. I think Ceylan and I both had our reasons to stay. And Meagan stayed because I wasn't going home. And it's because Meagan was... Well, a bit tipsy to say the least... It couldn't have been more of a perfect moment when Ceylan basically dragged Meagan inside Terry's parents' bedroom while they were giggling... And before they went inside, and closed the door, I noticed that Ceylan's tail was swaying... She always did whenever she was up to something... And so, I had no other option to stay in Terry's room. As if everything was just meant to go like this...