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On a Friday evening, I came home late. I had to do some groceries for the weekend, and shopped around for clothes a bit as Ceylan spend the weekend at her parent's place. She said her mother wanted to talk to her... Once I unpacked my groceries, I went to my room to put my clothes in my closet, but as I walked by Meagan's room, I could hear someone sobbing quietly. The lights were turned off when I got in. Hm... I didn't expect her to be here... So I gently knocked on the door, but she wasn't responding. I slowly pushed the door open and I could see Meagan sitting on the edge of her bed, crying quietly... 'Hey...' I said but... She didn't respond. And besides... She smelled like alcohol... I took my shoes off and sat behind her on my knees, holding her by her stomach. I knew all too well of what I was intending to do. But for some reason, I wasn't thinking... I clenched my arms around her stomach and rubbed her belly as I smelled her coconut wax in her hair. She always had that... 'I missed you...'

'I-I missed you too, Nic...'

'I'm sorry for I did...'

'I-I'm sorry too... I didn't mean to...'

'Where were you all this time...?'

'I-I stayed... W-With friends...'

'Oh...'

'I've been a shitty friend, Nic... And... A-And you welcome me back with open arms...'

'Because that's what friends do...'

The moment I hugged her... She started to cry again... Just what happened to her...? She never was like this before... 'What's wrong...? Hm...?'

'A lot... I got treated like shit... Heh... What else is new...?'

'Whadda ya mean...?'

'He offered me a place to sleep... But he had one condition...'

'Who...?'

'I had to sleep with them whenever they wanted to...'

'... Them?'

'His roommates...'

'Oh...'

'I don't want to, Nikki...'

'Sssh... It's ok... Everything is gonna be alright...'

'Y-You promise...?

'Yeah... I promise...'

"On one condition..." My right hand slowly went under her top to her breast. And I was caressing her nipple while trying to comfort her... I know it's a wrong thing to do... But... Let's face it. If it was so simple, then I should have a chance... Everyone exploited someone else at least once in their lives. And I was doing that right now. I gently kissed her cheek as I felt my other hand was drifting down to her crotch. But at that moment, she gently pushed me away, and got down on her bed, with her back facing me. Again that reality-check... What the hell has gotten into me...? 'Meagan...?' Nothing... No response... 'Why won't you tell me...?'

She didn't respond to that either... And I knew I did the wrong thing. I was sorry for what I tried to do... So I had to leave her alone... I tucked her in and covered her with a blanket. The moment I was about to go out of her room, I bumped into the small night table standing next to her bed, and noticed a letter fell off. I looked over to Meagan. And saw she had her eyes closed while the tears were rolling down her face. So I picked up the letter and started to read...

"My dearest Meagan.

Sometimes in life you wonder how things could turn out the way they are. There's never a path set out for us to follow. Most of us would walk the paths that others made for them, but no one said it would it be easy. You and I both know it all too well. And I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you are. But you have to understand that this is my salvation. And that it would be the only way to make me stop crying. Maybe you don't understand now, but you will eventually. You're a strong, smart girl, Meagan. You'll be able to get through this. I know you can. And I'm sorry for what I did to you. I know I can't justify myself, or how I could ever make it up. This was the only way to make it stop. You should know that I have a lot of regrets of the things I did to you. You can blame me a lot. You got all the right to do. And I'm sorry it had to end like this. But I hope you understand I had to, in order to make everything go away.

There's no way I'll ever be able to say of how much I love you ever again. My only daughter, the centre of my existence. I know you're mother would've been proud of you. But I took it all away from you. And I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I hope that you understand what I'm telling you. I hope that things will get better for you in the future now that I'm not here anymore. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I'll never be able to hold you anymore and even though I may never be able to see you again, never be able to laugh with you, cry with you, or to comfort you whenever you need it, I love you. With all my heart, I love you".

** "Dad"**

"Whoa..." When I looked back at Meagan, I noticed that she was watching me... 'You weren't supposed to read that...' she said quietly... 'O-Oh... I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...' She wiped her eyes and stared into blank space while I placed the letter back on the table. But not long after that, I could see another tear rolling down her face... So I sat on her bed... 'What happened to you in the last couple of months, Meagan...?'

'A lot... It's just so surreal...'

'Just tell me...

'I-I don't know if I should...'

'You can talk to me about anything... You know that...' All she did was shaking her head as she closed her eyes... 'You don't have to if you don't want to... But... It might make you feel better...'

'I'd probably doubt it...' she responded...

'There's only one way to find out...'

'I-I don't know where to begin...

'It's ok...

She hesitated for a long time. She was nervously fumbling a hairlock for a few moments while I sat patiently on her bed, waiting for her to talk. I think she waited for me to leave, but I sat there, staring at her. When she realized I wasn't going away, she started to talk... 'Fabian and I always enjoyed going out... To go to clubs... But he wasn't really that much of a drinker... He just enjoyed the company of his friends and loved having a good time...'

'Yeah...'

'And well... One night... I went out with my own friends... While he went out with his friends... They graduated so... All the reason to throw a party... And... I called him that night... Everything was just fine and he had a good time... We'd see each other at home... He said he'd be home at around three AM that night... And that was the last time I heard his voice...'

It stayed silent for a while as she looked down... I placed an arm around her shoulder and waited for her to continue... But she didn't... 'Then what happened...?' I asked.

'I got back at Fabian's place at around five AM... But... No Fabian... I waited... And waited until his mom woke up... I told her that Fabian wasn't home yet... And then, about an hour later... We received a phone-call...'

'What kind of a phone-call...?'

'If it was possible for us to get to the hospital as quickly as we could... It was Fabian...'

And again, Meagan had a hard time to speak... The tears were going down her face again... 'Then what happened...?'

'We got as quickly as we could to the hospital... We weren't allowed to see him just yet... They told us that Fabian had a fight with a bunch of guys who were looking for trouble... His friends helped him but... One of them had a knife... And stabbed Fabian in the chest....'

'What...?'

'Yeah...'

'Then what...?'

'We waited... And waited... For hours, all we could do was to wait while the doctors tried to save his life... And then... At around eight AM... The doctor came too us... And told us he didn't make it...'

I was shocked when I heard that... I didn't know what to say, or to do... All she did was staring blankly into space as the tears came back. And to see her being devastated like that... It was painful... It stayed silent for a long time again as I could hear her sobbing quietly. I put an arm around her shoulder and tried to comfort her... 'His mum just collapsed on the floor, crying her eyes out... And well... I had the same... The two of us were crying over his loss and... There was nothing that... Th-That could ease our pain...'

'Yeah...'

'We were allowed to see him to say goodbye... And... Seeing him battered up... I don't want to remember him like that...'

It stayed silent for a very long time again while she stared blankly into space. And then... She broke down in tears. The story she told me made such an impact on me, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do if I was losing Ceylan and there was nothing I could do about it... But to see Meagan here... It pierced my heart after hearing her story, and I wouldn't know what I would do if it happened with Ceylan and me... She's a strong girl. She really is. Like the letter from her dad said she is...

A long time passed by while the only thing I could do was to cuddle her... I looked over to the table where I placed that letter and it made me think. Something told me that letter wasn't just a letter from her dad saying how much he loved her. I felt as if that letter hid a few things I didn't know off... Just somehow, I had to know... More things happened to her that scarred her... So I waited for the right time to ask... 'What about... What about that letter...?'

'You shouldn't have read that...'

'I-I know, and I'm sorry... B-But... I just wanna help...'

'I'd rather not talk about it....'

'Why not...?

No response... She had to tell it. To get it rid of her chest, but also to satisfy my curiosity... 'How would anyone understand if you never tell them...? You can't always solve things by yourself... Sometimes... Sometimes it just takes a hand to help you get up when you fall.' I said, while I was smiling weakly at her... 'I know, Nikki...'

'You don't have to tell me everything... Just the things that bother you the most to get it rid of your chest. I won't ask questions... I promise...'

It stayed silent for a long time again until she finally started to talk... And the tears came back. I was expecting a lot, but I never expected the story she was about tell me...

'M-My mom died when I was 12 years old... I-In a car crash... It wasn't her fault. She got hit in the front while standing in front of a red traffic light by some drunk fuck...' Again... A short pause... I nodded slowly... 'The doctors thought she wouldn't make it through the night. And they were right. She died shortly after...'

'Yeah...'

'They all said I was too young to understand my mother's death, but they didn't have a fucking clue about me... I realized it all too well. And it made my dad and me change. The bond we had grew closer, but there never was anything that could ease the pain about my mother's death.'

A short moment of silence... I remember when the two of us were young... Meagan and I went to the cemetery one day where she placed flowers in front of her mother's gravestone... She was down on her knees and kept staring at the gravestone... While she kept telling her mother of how much she missed her... 'Go on...' I said to her...

'Sometimes at night... I could hear my father crying. And when I went to his room, I saw he was sitting upright in bed, holding a picture of my mom, crying his eyes out... At moments like these, I crawled in his bed, and cuddled him to make him stop crying. And whenever I was crying... He came in my room, and sat on my bed, cuddling me, and telling me that it was alright to cry...'

'Yeah...'

'We had nights that either one of us were crying, or that we both cried. And it changed us. The sorrow we felt changed us dramatically...'|

'Yeah...'

'And... As the months passed by... Our loss wasn't eased. And it really hurt us. My dad always told me of how much he loved me. Then one night... H-He was rubbing over my back while telling me how much he loved me... I didn't think it was such a bad thing... But... The more we saw each other at night, trying to comfort one another, the more he cuddled and touched me... And then one night. He... He was rubbing between my legs... It didn't take long before he went any further...'

"My God... Whoa, holy shit..." I thought while Meagan wasn't facing me... But she continued to talk... 'I-I... I-I just didn't know any better.... I didn't like it... B-But... If it was something that could make him stop crying... Th-Then I let him... Because... I-I couldn't take it to see him crying... A-And my dad... He always told me of how much he loved me... And even though he did those things to me, I loved him a lot... B-Because... I could see he had regrets... He'd do anything for me... And he always told me that he wouldn't know what to do if I ever got taken away from him... A-And... Last week... I got a call saying my d-dad died... H-He committed suicide... Leaving only a letter behind... And n-now... I-I'm alone.... I'm all alone, Nic...'

Whoa... I had no words for it... Once all of her words started to sink in of what happened to her, I could feel I was about to cry myself any second... And I realized I did the same what her dad did to her. And then all of a sudden, I felt I started crying as well... I firmly held on to her, and realized that I've been a cunt to her... The fights we had didn't mattered anymore... I forgot why I was mad at her in the first place... It all didn't mattered anymore... Her sniffing slowly turned into sobbing... I already felt tears rolling down my face, but I didn't want her to see me crying... I had to be strong for her... But it was so difficult for me... I held her even tighter as I felt she was clenching her arms around my back... 'I-I don't wanna live anymore, Nikki...I got nothing to live for...! It's not fair, damn it...!! It's not fucking fair...! I can't do this anymore...! I can't go on like this...! I wanna die, Nic...!! I don't wanna live anymore...! I don't wanna...!'

There was nothing I could do to comfort her... And sadly... There wasn't anything that could comfort me... The longer I held her, the louder she was sobbing.... I felt how my shoulder got soaked with bitter tears... And I noticed how my tears slowly turned into bitter ones themselves... I caressed the back of her head... And whispered in her ear that I loved her a lot and that I'll always be here for her... That she's not alone... As long as she knows that... 'Ssssh... It's okay...' I whispered in her ear...

'I don't wanna...'

We cuddled like that for a very long time... I realized the harsh inevitable truth the moment she started crying again. And that was a difficult thing for me to accept. It's been a long time since I've seen Meagan crying like this. She cried like this when her mother died. But apart from that... I've never saw her crying like this... And it was a rare thing to see her cry. But whenever she was... It pierced my heart to see her so devastated, while there wasn't really anything I could do to help her... But I always did what I could... So I never left her side that evening... I stayed with her until she fell asleep from exhaustion many hours later. I gently placed her head on her pillow and watched her for a moment. The tears were rolling down my face... She shouldn't see me crying. I had to be strong for her... But now that she's asleep, I'm not required to be... I held her hand and I couldn't hold myself anymore...

Meagan lost two persons she cared for the most within a couple of weeks. She was an emotional wreck... Who'd blame her...? I wouldn't... It explained a lot... It's something I could never imagine, and it's something I wouldn't want to wish my worst enemy... I never knew about her dad... I've never seen him, nor did she ever mention him... I understand why now... She tried to ignore what happened, but it took its toll on her... It's because the deepest scars are those we can't see...

As the months passed by, I tried to help Meagan as much as I could once I knew what really happened. I talked to her a lot, and recommended her to see a therapist to talk about everything that happened to her. She didn't want to at first, but after insisting she should, she went to see a therapist. Meagan was scared to go in alone, so I went along with her and stayed outside while she had her session. The months passed by, and even though the scars will never heal, she seemed to do better. Very slowly, I saw her turning back into the girl I once fell in love with... And our friendship only got closer from that moment on...

Ceylan, Terry and I stayed pretty much the same. Ceylan and I still loved each other a lot, while Terry stayed a good friend... He still had a bit of a difficulty to be with Ceylan, and I think she had the same... But they both weren't really showing it... And I thought that everything was settled in the end...

Meagan did ask me about Ceylan, which was a question I knew was coming. She found out about our relationship in a way that made me feel really embarrassed. I told you about the evening that Ceylan was licking my butt-cheeks when she suddenly came in. And well.... I told her everything she wanted to know. And to the question if we ever did it and how it was... Well I was just being honest... I didn't know why I should've kept it a secret from her. Meagan already saw Ceylan checking out my rear... Ehehehe... Oh man, I'm still so embarrassed by that whenever I think about it... My God...

Sometimes at night, when Ceylan and I were doing it, we tried to be as quietly as possible whenever Meagan was sleeping in the other room. It was kinda kinky... But sometimes we couldn't help in between the huffing and puffing to let out a small squeak... And sometimes, the bed hit the wall... But whenever we were tired... And we dozed off... I always noticed the door opening up a bit. And Meagan stood their, watching us for a short moment while Ceylan and I were both butt naked above the bed sheets. I didn't care if Meagan could see us naked. It got me wondering why she was looking at us in the first place. Maybe she was just curious. But I never asked her... I wouldn't stop her if she wanted to stay with us. Even if it was for just a short period of time... And so, the months passed by. I took Meagan with me whenever we were hanging out with Terry and Ceylan, and the two of them started to know Meagan better. And it didn't really take long before they were good friends with her as well...

So I guess everything turned out well in the end for the four of us. Right...?

Wrong... This was only the beginning...